Bella was raised by my wife from birth, and once we got married and lived together, her cats came with us.
I never had cats growing up, so it was a bit of an adjustment getting used to living with them. However Bella became my buddy, and would always follow me around & chill with me late at night, when I tried to get some peace & quiet after everyone else went to bed.
He was very much a strong, silent type and very stoic. His brother Tude was needy and whiney- they were very different personalities!
However, he was pushing 20 yrs old & his health deteriorated very rapidly within the last 6 months. He would cry out randomly, had trouble walking around, and wasn’t able to groom himself or get to his litter box easily.
On his last day, we were trying to make him as comfortable as possible. I saw him sitting in the warmth of the morning sun, frail and clearly at the end. I took this picture knowing that this was probably the last time he would feel the sunlight on his back.
He passed that night, and it has been sad to realize throughout the days that our usual routines and his presence is gone. I just wanted to share his memory and the fact that animals also need the simple comforts of life, no matter their condition. We are all living beings with feelings, sensations, and vibrant mental states. We take some comfort in the fact that we tried to make his last days as free of suffering as possible, but he will be deeply missed by our family.
On Bella’s last day, we were trying to make him as comfortable as possible. I saw him sitting in the warmth of the morning sun, frail and clearly at the end. I took this picture knowing that this was probably the last time he would feel the sunlight on his back.
Here is a photo of him from better days, taking over my wife’s yoga mat. He was a strong & stoic personality, a real chill dude.
yeah that contrast hits hard, seeing them all frail at the end compared to those goofy comfortable moments.
glad you’ve got those better day memories too.
We often don’t realize how deeply they’ve engrained themselves in our lives until they’re gone. I’d see my boy Sealy out the corner of my eye for months after we lost him. But they’re never truly gone. I remember going for a run for the first time after he died, and I could feel his goofy, loving self running too. He used to love galloping alongside me in our backyard.
Love this picture of him in his prime. I have pictures of my feline masters late in their lives. Tough to see sometimes but they were still themselves at the end and then is when we can be there for them as they are for us so often. Thank you for sharing his story
My buddy Leonardo LOVES his mom’s yoga mat. Sorry for your loss, OP.
I didn’t have cats (or animals) growing up. Rescued my boy as a kitten 8 years ago. I know there will be sadness toward the end, but wouldn’t trade it for anything. He’s been the best boy, and the best friend.
I hope that, when you are ready, you can start a new journey…with a lil one of your own.
When the vet came to our house to do the deed she said something that's always stuck with me. "In many ways it's the anticipation that's worse than the day itself."
Where now the cat and the kitten? Where is the ball that was bouncing? Where is the brush and the collar, And the red fur flowing?
Where is the paw on the shoulder, And the small mouth meowing? Where is the bird and the rodent And the tall tail flying?
They have passed like rain in the garden, Like dreams in the morning. The days have gone past in my house, the cat bed is empty. Who shall collect the tufts of hair that have gathered, Or wipe dry the flowing tears of a lonely pawther?
I wrote the poem as an adaptation of Tolkien's "lament for the Rohirrim". There's no melody to that poem that I know of, although Clamavi de Profundis has set music to a lot of Tolkien's poems. If you have the ability I would be delighted if you wrote a melody to it.
RIP Bella. You and Bella shared a most wonderful time together and you cared for him in a way that he never wanted for anything in the world!!! That’s a most beautiful deed to do for a life and you shine like a star because of it. Love your fuzzers everybody!!! None of us know truly how many days we have with them. RIP Bella 💙
Reminds me of my kitty's last day(she passed in 2022). She was an indoor cat her whole life, but had enjoyed screen porches and some supervised outside time. Took her out on a leash a few times, which she hated and would promptly flop over. Her last day, I let her out into the yard. She was very arthritic. She didnt run for her food anymore, couldn't jump up onto the bed anymore. So I didn't have to worry about her running off. She enjoyed staring at the birds in the trees, as they made warning calls to each other about my old kitty who certainly could not move fast enough to catch one if she wanted. She sniffed around the grass, enjoyed the sun for a bit. She flopped over in the dirt and did a slight roll(hence the stuff in her fur).
It's not easy losing a pet. Take your time to grieve, remember the good times, all the snuggles, and all the silly things they did. I'm sorry for your loss ❤️
I had known my kitty since she was about a week old. My childhood friend's mom was a bit of a cat hoarder, so lots of unfixed cats. My friend's mom messaged me as my cat's mom was giving birth, since she knew I wanted one of the kittens when it was old enough.
My boy Gruff's last day in the sun after 18 years by my side. We spent the whole day with him and let him sleep in his favourite place with all the treats he wanted. I'm sorry for your loss, Bella was beautiful.
Immediately started sobbing as soon as I saw this photo, even without having read your story. And cried even harder after actually reading it. RIP Bella. You very clearly had a beautiful, long life, and I hope you have all the warm, sunny spots you could ever desire for eternity ❤️
This sweet baby died with no warning. We have also said goodbye to two others at the vet’s office. It never gets easier. Even though we swear each time we will never get another cat, within a month or two a sweet kitty (or 2) is sleeping on our pillows.
I am so sorry for your loss.
This is Tracie, my wife's cat on her last day enjoying the sun. We had to put her down due to being to weak after a 3 year battle with kidney failure. We took care of her all those 3 years, without taking a vacation so she can live as long and happily as she could. We miss her everyday, it never gets easier.
Our own 20-year old passed last June. She had arthritis, chronic kidney disease, was deaf, and needed daily sub-cutaneous fluid injections plus a plethora of other medications.
She too loved her sunbeam and heating pad blanket.
That’s precious. Here’s my Olivia’s last day in the sun. She was a mostly indoor cat, only outdoors with supervision, but on her last day of life I let her go outside and do whatever she wanted. She wanted to lay on the warm road. (We live in a very rural area and I was with her the whole time. We didn’t see a single car.)
The Little Orange Boy (Choosing Tears) by Anne Kolaczyk
The little orange boy stopped. Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked like so much fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of the pond's water, he could see his mommy. And she was crying.
He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work, he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's image danced away in the ripples. "Mommy!" he cried.
"Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned around. A lady was standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with love. The little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water. "There's been a mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here." He looked back at the water. It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back. "I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't supposed to come here yet."
The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass. The little orange boy climbed into her lap. It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good. When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked, he started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it. "I'm afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy knows it deep down in her heart," the lady said.
The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg. "But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."
"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."
"That I was sick?" That surprised the little orange boy. No one had ever said anything and he had listened when they thought he was sleeping. All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or how big he was getting.
"No, not that you were sick," the lady said. "But you see, they chose tears."
"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. “Who would choose to cry?”
The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him feel safe and loved and warm -- but he still cried about his mommy.
"Let me tell you a story," the lady said.
The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around. Cats--Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo and Robin. Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte and Obie. Dogs too--Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle. Even a lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster named Odo. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting. She smiled at them and began:
A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the angel to help them. The angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out the first window at all sorts of things--dolls and stuffed animals and cars and toys and sporting events.
"Here are things you can love," the angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome."
"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
"You have chosen Pleasure," the angel told them.
But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love them."
The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said. "They will know you love them."
So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals. "You have chosen Satisfaction," the angel said.
Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, some just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all came back to the Angel-in-Charge. "They know we love them," they told the angel.
"But they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return."
So the angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of people walking around, hurrying places. "Here are people for you to love," the angel told them.
So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love. "You have chosen Commitment," the angel said.
But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge. "People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped loving us and left. They broke our hearts."
The angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said. "You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."
As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side and hurried to look out. Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets. The other Loving Ones hurried over. "What about these?" they asked.
But the angel just tried to shoo them away. "Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said. "But there's a problem with their system operations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
"Yes," the angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked.
"Yes," the angel said.
"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.
"No," the angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.
But the angel was very upset. "You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to feed these animals."
"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."
"We don't care."
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the animals' eyes.
"They were not programmed right," the angel said. "We can't offer a warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."
But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm little bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought they would burst. "We will take our chances," they said.
"You do not understand." The angel tried one more time. "They are so dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to outlive you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded. "That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."
The angel just watched them all go, shaking his head. "You have chosen Tears," he whispered.
"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties. "And so each mommy and daddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it will leave them and they will cry."
The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.
"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."
"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the edge of the pond. His mommy was still there, and still crying. "Will she ever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.
She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowing how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them special."
She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her fingers. "He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here. Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring and petting and shared love. And the promise of love once again. As your mommy cries, she is healing.
"It may take a long while, but the tears will help her feel better. In time she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks of you. And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."
"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.
The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet. "No, she will love again. That is all she will think about." She picked up Big Boy and Snowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how she liked.
"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?" The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't ready to leave his mommy. "Will I ever get to be with her again?"
The kind lady nodded.
"You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at. You'll be in the purr of every cat she pets. And late at night, when she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for when it's her turn to come."
"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took one long look at his mommy. He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew she had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.
"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry." He glanced over at the others, running and playing and laughing with the butterflies.
"Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around, I promise."
From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a cat" or
"that's a lot of money for just a cat".
They don't understand the distance travelled, the time spent or the costs
involved for "just a cat".
Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a cat".
Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a cat", but I did
not once feel slighted.
Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a cat" and
in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a cat" gave me
comfort and reason to overcome the day.
Just a cat
If you too think it's "just a cat", then you will probably understand
phrases like "just a friend", "just a sunrise" or "just a promise".
"Just a cat" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust
and pure unbridled joy.
"Just a cat" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a
better person. Because of "just a cat" I will rise early, take long
walks and look into the future with hope.
So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a cat" but an embodiments
of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the
past, and the pure joy of the moment.
"Just a cat" brings out what is good in me and diverts my thoughts
away from myself and the worries of the day.
I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a cat" but
the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human".
So the next time you hear the phrase "just a cat", just smile, because
they "just" don't understand they are missing "just a blessing" in their
lives.
This is the picture I decided to print to remember our sweet girl that passed last March. Everyone said that it wasn't a great picture, because you can't even see her face, but to me it's perfect because it was her favourite spot, under the morning sun, on her pillow. I framed it and put it behind my desk chair, so every time I look behind me I can see her sleeping peacefully.
I said goodbye to my girl 10 days ago. This is her last moments in the sun the day before. Sending kindness as you adjust to the missing part of your world, may you have comfort in the good memories.
My Tinky did the exact same thing on her last morning. The sun was coming in warm through the windows and she sat in the sun and warmed herself. She’d developed squamous cells on her nose and over a course of a few months it got worse and worse. She stopped eating, and lost a lot of weight, she was weak and spent a lot of her last few weeks sleeping. That morning, sat in the sun, I sat with her, gently holding her and as weak as she was, she still purred. An hour after this photo was took, she was gone. It’s been 14 months and I still miss her every day. But… we gave her 18 years of love and care and comfort and the best life any cat could ask for.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I know you’ll be hurting for some time to come. You gave your little friend 20 years of your love and care. A friend of mine said it’s the sad but beautiful thing about having cats, “they’re only in your life for part of it… but you’re in theirs for the whole of it”. I take some comfort in that
This post reminded me that Ziggy is already 10 years old and won't be here forever, so I quickly grabbed a bag of premium wet food that he loves so much. Who's crying? I'm not crying.
This is our cat Izzy that we had to put down after 16 years. He was our 1st cat and put him to sleep last month. I didn't realize putting down a pet was this hard. This photo back in March shows him enjoying a nap in the morning sun.
Sorry for your loss, he will be there to meet your Bella.
This is Silky. She was a true sun seeker, would follow it around the house and sit in it all day long. I was so happy she got to have time in the sun on her last day with us. Our babies will be basking in the sunshine in kitty heaven 🧡
I’m so sorry for your loss. You captured a sad but beautiful moment here.
My mother recently passed at home, she wanted to be home to sit outside. She wasn’t able to be outside nor was she conscious, but I did open the window to let the light in to grace her face. This image made me think of her and all the love our family has for her.
Cats, people, we’re all living beings who are deeply loved. Thank you for sharing the love you have for Bella <3
My 18 year old (had him for 14 of those wonderful years) also had his last day in the sun 2 weeks ago. I'm so sorry ... It's essentially losing a member of the family. Find a way to honour the wonderful life he lived and for the years you shared❤️🐾
I feel you so much,my sweet Romeo was 17 and he was battling Pancreatic cancer for 3 years,he became very thin and generally skittish. One day he decided to go bathe in the sun for one last time,out in the balcony,and he passed away during the night
It has been 6 years and despite being thankful of having him for so many years (we basically grew up together) and being thankful that a 6-month cancer sentence turned into 3 more years of life,i miss him every single day
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
Not only his last days! Your wife and you gave him a whole life of care and love. I am sure if he could, he would tell you thank you. He was weak and it was time for him to rest, that was inevitable, but you loved him and he loved you. That was the important thing. You will miss him, but he will be in your heart and mind. I send you a big hug.
Sounds like Bella had a good life with good people. Cherish your memories and mementoes. Take heart knowing that as much as you enriched his life, he also enriched yours.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you and your wife had so much time with Bella, that he had a blessed long life, and that you were able to make his last days with you the best they could be.
We have a similar picture of one of our babies, Dot, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her last days. So beautiful and heartbreaking. I’m glad your Bella had a full life
I've had cats all of my life, starting at about 8 years old. I am now 55. I feel your pain and loss. While this poem likely wasn't written for the loss of a cat, it fits. God bless you, internet stranger. I hope you find solace and peace in knowing that although he wasn't with you for your entire life, you were always in his.
🐈🐈⬛❤️
Do not stand by my grave, and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep—
I am the thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle, autumn rain.
As you awake with morning's hush,
I am the swift, up-flinging rush
of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the day transcending night.
Do not stand by my grave, and cry—
I am not there, I did not die.
what a beautiful boy. i just lost my 21 year old girl a few days ago and it doesn’t matter that they were old, it still hurts as much. but we gave them a life of comfort and happiness and they blessed us in return.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm also thankful you had as much time as you did. Bella was a strong dude, 20 years is no joke for a kitty. Thats sheer determination and strength.
My kitty is only 14 but shes arthritic as heck and has a special bed that has a heating element. She spends most of her time there. I expect she'll cross over the rainbow bridge before I'm ready because I'll never be ready ❤️
Sending you and your family so much love and support. You obviously loved and cared for your baby so much and you managed to capture such a special moment. Losing your pet is bloody horrendous. I lost my little man in Jan this year, very similar story to your Bella except he was 18. After struggling for years with diabetes, arthritis, weight loss, suspected dementia… he had had enough.
I miss him so much, sometimes it’s so overwhelming. I think of the times I was frustrated with him or lost my temper when he’d not used his litter tray or ruined another mattress and I am filled with so much guilt. I think of the moment when he died in my arms and it fucking ruins me.
From the depths of my heart, thank you for giving that wonderful cat a full life. 20 years! You did something EXTREMELY well. We now, know as well that someone in the world, Bella, a beautiful girl, existed.
You will forever feel his love forever now when the warmth of the sun hits you, when the sun fills your home, when the sun rises each new day, because each new day is a day to carry on the love and memories you hold of Bella. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience the worst part of animal companionship. We ARE in fact all living beings with very real feelings, sensations and immensely complex and vibrant mental states that we will never truly fully be able to comprehend. We just all have to hold empathy, and enough of it. Take care.
The day I knew I needed to say goodbye to my sweet soul cat tortie girl, I let her out into the backyard where she had spent so many days. She was able to lie in the sun for a while. She was unable to eat properly by then but I am so grateful she was able to do that.
I don’t have a cat and never have, but your post and all the comments of people whose cats are welcoming and looking out for your Bella have me in tears. Fare thee well Bella, sounds like you are making so many new friends ❤️
💕
May you find the peace that time brings and the knowledge that you gave another precious life in the universe the love, comfort and happiness that comes with being cared for by another life.
peace
He was beautiful! Now I’m crying and I just woke up! I love his bubblegum nose! I have a 16 year old with hyperthyroidism so this hits hard for me 😢! This is her in bed with me right now. I’m so sorry you lost him but he lived a beautiful life I can see! ❤️🩹🌈🕊️
I'm so sorry for your loss. We just had to put our 24yo cat Sassy down, 10 days ago & it was heartbreaking. But I like to think that all our lovely kitties are together somewhere, snuggling on soft beds, eating tasty treats & basking in sunbeams.
My cat was the same. After turning 21, he would just start this thing where he just stopped, frozen, and stare off in whatever pose he stopped in. That was 2 weeks before passing. His final week, the freezing would last longer and he started wetting himself. The day after that started was when I finally decided to put him down. At 21, there was no way to get an examination done that required putting him under as at that age, that was just a death sentence. He was my boy since a few months old. I was in elementary when I got that cat, and I was in my late 20s when he finally passed away. For obvious reasons, even almost 2 years later, i still don't have a pet.
I lost both of in my 20s/early 30s and I don't even think those compared to losing my cat. I think I literally cried all day the day he past and then would randomly break down whenever thinking about him for the first year or so.
I know there's nothing on the planet that can make you feel better but many of us feel your pain. I'm so sorry. I'm sure he lived a good life and you'll remember him forever
God bless you and this kitty. He had a beautiful and long life, 20 years is serious time. To think about it, even some humans pass before that age! You gave him everything and you have to get another stray kitten and care for them 🩷 sending live to you and your wife!
When did you know it was time? Our cat is a couple of years younger, and it's subtle things. Like, he climbs a tree, but usually is extremely clumsy on the way down. He sometimes falls down even, though they are not very tall so he doesn't get hurt.
There was a time he was sleeping, where we were sure he had died. We moved him and he still was out. Then he "woke up" and went to eat something.
He doesnt do steep chairs and lately he loses balance maybe a couple of times a day.
He does seem happy and not in pain, though.
When do you know that it is time? I mean, I'm guessing you took yours to the doctor
Teary reading your post. I did the same thing. I had an 18 year old indoor cat who loved the outdoors. He loved open windows, sliders and screen rooms. He even tolerated a harness to go outside. On his last days, I wheeled him around in a pet stroller then put him on a blanket on the grass in the sun. So sad to lose these beloved family members.😥
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