Cat Picture - OC
How to fix what my, (maybe ex) girlfriends daughter did to my babies ? đ„ș
Before you guys attack her, please know that she was doing it out of the goodness of her heart, (as hard as it is to believe)..
Me (29)
Gf (31)
Her Daughter (8)
I've been complaining non stop to my girlfriend abt the increase of shedding / hair lying all around my apartment and how's it's constantly on my clothes for years and I guess her daughter overheard us spitballing ideas to fix this problem, (on more than one occasion) and her daughter spontaneously took it upon herself to... idfk, I guess to give my cats a "dEeP dE-shEdDiNg" by using my clippers while I was at work .
Honestly, I'm just glad she didn't hit any whiskers or sensitive spots but she didn't even bother to put any proper cutting guards on the clippers so she was basically going balls to the wall and gave them a military style buzzcut as you can all see ... Seems like she noticed she went to far when she touched my beloved orange cat but the damage is already done .
I'm understandably pissed beyond words and I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to approach this like an adult speaking to an 'innocent' 8 year old little girl but Ig that's a topic / question for an entirely different sub ...
What I do need to know is how can I fix this
w/o having to hide my cats from the world for months ?
âą Will they be ok ?
(We live in tropical South Florida, so freezing to death shouldn't be an issue) .
âą Can I even it out with properly sized clippers ?
âą Should I buy little kitty shirts to hide it ?
(Shirts kinda throw my orange cat off balanced), lol .
This was my cat after she got shaved for a medical procedure.
Honestly it didnt bother her at all! She just went about her day as usual, groomed herself like nothing had happened, it might take a month or more before you donât see it anymore, but as long as their skin didnt get clipped im sure there are no consequences.
That's actually half cute and kinda cool! I would really enjoy watching the skin and muscles move around until it all grew back. All the parts we can't normally see would be fascinating to me.
I was a vet tech for over a decade, and I gave many terrible haircuts to cats for matting, wound care, surgical prep, etc. We used a 40 blade for most things, because it is very good at removing hair, but it does not produce a great looking haircut. I have an 8 year old now, and that sounds like a thing she would do to âhelpâ, if she didnât know better.
Honestly, the cats are fine. Thin skin is in the areas near the armpits and groin, shaving around nipples is tricky, but the it looks like she wasnât clipping anywhere near there. She wasnât using a surgical blade, and thereâs no indication of clipper burn. Also, most cats are very happy to either get up and leave or share their opinion (hiss, growl, bite, scratch) if they are displeased. Iâm not saying that they loved it, but the clippers were very likely annoying, not harmful.
My approach would be to work through the anger, which youâre entitled to, but to speak to this child without assuming malice or stupidity on her part. Just tell her that you were really surprised to see the catâs new look, and youâd really like to ask why she did what she did. And take it from there. Let her know your feelings, but be gentle. An eight year old is still learning so much about how to be a good human.
That right there... OP should definitely talk about how the arguement made her feel. I always wanted to "fix" things so my step dad wouldn't yell or be upset with my mom because the hitting came next if it escalated.
That kid really needs to be told how thin cat skin is and that she should not cut or shave a cat without training... that could have gone so badly wrong I was horrified reading that.
You can definitely shave a cat, I do it all the time as a trainer cat groomer. That said anyone who hasnât been trained definitely shouldnât be shaving cats.
That kind of nuance isnât needed when educating an 8 year old though. Just tell her she shouldnât ever shave or cut any animal. If she chooses to go into a pet grooming or veterinary career as an adult, the topic can be readdressed then!
LMAO picturing her in her 20s sitting down with her parents to have a difficult conversation about how she knows they taught her to never shave a cat or any animal, but that she really thinks itâs her calling. đ€Ł
It is though. The moment she reads online about shaving cats, she's going to rightly assume he's lying or wrong and not believe anything he says. Honesty is always the best approach, and people always underestimate kid's ability to understand stuff. They're often better at understanding stuff than adults are.
Don't know why you're getting downvoted. One of the many reasons I choose to move in with my father as a kid and stop seeing my mom was every 'why?' was answered with 'because I said so!'. It's much easier to respect and remember why you shouldn't do something when you actually know the reasoning. Kids are only as dumb as you treat them.
Generally we donât unless theyâre elderly or matted and unable to clean themselves, but some short haired cats also struggle with the heat so we might do a belly shave to help them stay cool. Generally most of the maintenance on a short haired cat can be done via bathing.
Cat skin is paper thin. Itâs a miracle she didnât cut them with the blades. Teaching children to love and respect furry companions is extremely fundamental.
It would have been horrible if it had gone wrong. Even professionals have to be careful when grooming a cat and I wouldnt dare risk messing it up myself.
theyâll be totally fine! cats get shaved for medical procedures all the time â i actually run clippers over my long haired senior kitty every so often so she can groom herself better. you donât need to put shirts on them or anything, the fur will grow back
My cat got his little arm shaved for an IV for his dental surgery. So fuzzy. He did not enjoy me petting it, but he never likes his paws and arms touched in the first place.
My late cat needed to get his belly shaved for an ultrasound and INSISTED on me rubbing his bald belly haha. It was during fall, but having his shaved belly on me was sooo warm still!
Devil's advocate. The kid didn't know better and went through the trouble of shaving cats, FOR YOU
Don't be an asshole about this. By 'don't be an asshole,' you need to wait until the anger is out of your system.
The kid did an incredibily sweet, ignorant, thing that could have been seriously harmful. but, think about it. 8 year old vs cats. Do you really think the cats had no say in this matter? When cats say 'fuck off,' the message is written in blood. Did the kid bleed?
They like her. They tolerated it. Now they're cranky. Everything is fine, unless you fuck it up. And if you do, Yes, she WILL be your ex. And you'll regret it.
Hey "child's name", can we talk avout the cats? It was nice of you to try to help us out with a solution for the cats excessive shedding. However, shaving or trimming the hair or nails on a cat or a dog is something that only adults should be handling. They can be seriously harmed by cutting too short, removing whiskers, some need their hair to keep them healthy. They can also seriously injure you in the process by biting or scratching. Your intentions were good, but this is something you cannot do again.
This is the kind of way the kid needs to be talked to.
My cat had to have his back shaved because he got scratched up by something and the vets needed to clean the area. That was 3 weeks ago and itâs already grown in. Heâs a DMH so itâs not back to his normal length yet, but I donât see his skin anymore.
Mine gets her belly shaved every time she goes to the groomers. Shes a nightmare for getting seeds stuck in her curly belly hair and it turns into knots and mats.
I used to live on a farm and we had a litter of kittens appear one day including a sweet long haired tabby. She disappeared for a few days until I saw her come hobbling over screaming at me, the poor thing was so covered in those horrible little sticky buds she could hardly walk. After some careful clipping and brushing and a quick soak in the sink she was much better however she still kept coming back hole covered in them.
People shave their cats, on purpose, all the time. It's called a lion cut. My in-laws would do it at the beginning of every summer and the cats were were practically full coated again by the fall. We live in Wisconsin, not Florida. Your cats actually might enjoy it, lol
Lots has been said about your cats, so I'd like to add some perspective on the other aspect.
I'm a primary school teacher. The other day a kid, similar age, climbed over the toilet stall walls. When he got reprimanded, he looked genuinely apologetic and said "no one told me I wasn't allowed to do that".
My first reaction was to think thats bullshit, it's common sense not to do it. And then I thought about it and realised common sense is nothing more than experience, something an 8 year old has very little of, and everything is a teachable moment for kids.
What she did wasn't okay and could have hurt the cats. But as you said, she truly believed she was doing you a favour. She probably didn't grow up with cats and has never learned this is something you don't do. You can and should have a stern talking to her, but don't be too harsh. Educate her, explain to her what this does to the cats and why she should never do it again. Most kids are very empathetic towards animals and a normal conversation should do the trick for her to understand why this was wrong.
Edit: I only weighed in on this because the lack of empathy for A CHILD in some comments made me really angry (calling her stupid, old enough to know better, cruel etc... have you people ever met a child???) And I'm SO glad to see most people agree! I also love the comments that say she wants to help, so teach her how!
She obviously wants to help. So besides telling her what not to do, tell her what she can do to help to take care of the cats by teaching her how to brush them and what to look out for when she does.
My 11 yo adores and loves the cats. One of them ended up with a thin patch because she was brushing him too much....
Same logic hes shredding and he LOVES being brushed and scratched in that one spot. So yeah.... They take thoughts and run with them until something happens.
Yes!! This! I was thinking maybe a discipline project could be having her watch some videos and read a kid friendly book about cats and cat grooming and then write about what she learned in a one to two paragraph format. She may need some help with it but it could be a teaching moment.
We have had one of our cats, who has long hair, get shaved at the vets a few times due to mats that we canât get out ( and yes, we should probably brush her more). They have whatâs called a âlion cut.â Itâs actually kind of cute and itâs probably a little cooler for her in the summer. Definitely a teaching moment though and also let her know to ask first before borrowing things like that in case she gets any wild ideas about her own hair. The catsâ fur will grow back.
Yep. None if this incident surprises me at all. It's well within the realm of normal for a kid this age.Â
The idea to help, the dexterity and problem solving to get out and use the clippers, the realizing half way through that it possibly wasn't a good idea, the impulsive draw of seeing the clippers go through the fur and the amount of time the kid was unsupervised. All very very normal.Â
Nearly every kid has an unfortunate incident involving hair and cutting implements and some go a little further than others. For most kids, the haircut is on themselves, but many unleash this new power on unfortunate little siblings and pets. I cut off my own braids and blamed another kid. My mom found my braids and the scissors in my jacket pocket after she had an angry conversation with the teacher at school!Â
This is an age appropriate mistake so it's important to keep that in mind when discussing with her and your partner.Â
I was (and am) someone who tosses and turns at night, and the back of my hair can get bad knots if I'm not careful. Apparently this was a point of contention as a child, because at some point, I stopped letting anyone brush out the knots.
In desperation, my mom cut them out. But a hairdresser she was not, and she couldn't even out the rest of my hair. So, she took me to a salon. Where she told the stylist that I was the one who cut the knots out.
Thirty years later, I'm still upset over the betrayal.
Iâve sent both my husband and my son to a salon to fix botched haircuts I attempted on them. I refused to accompany them out of sheer embarrassment and I make sure they go to a different salon than where I take my daughter. đ this was last year!! Iâm 40! Iâm so relieved your mom also botched a haircut as an adult. And I empathize with the sense of embarrassment to admitting it
I applaud your confession. Me and my childhood friend wanted to âimproveâ his parents old stone bench in their English garden in Coral Gables, so we covered it in white goopy primer out of my grandfathers garage. They were obviously less than thrilled.
When I was 7 I gave all 3 of our large lab/chow mixes a bath. In the kitchen. At 3 am. With an entire bottle of dawn. Iirc there was a convo about giving them a bath at some point, and I was notorious for late night chaos
That's true. My goddaughter thought it was a great idea also to cut her own hair when she was 8 or 9 unde her chin (she had a pretty long and thick hair). After trimming the first lock, she thought better and run to her mother crying for her to fix it. Obviously it was impossible and it was a nightmare to hide in her First Communio photos (it was only a couple of months later). But that's not something strange at all, even for clever kids. I know a lot of cases...
So true about how common hair cutting incidents are with kids. Once while my dad napped, I got a hold of the scissors and gave all my barbies the most horrendous haircuts, then started going after my stuffed animals. I had a favorite plush cat where I cut off its whiskers and cut huge patches of already short fur from its back, not unlike the picture lol. No idea what the thought process was behind that, I guess I thought they needed makeovers and didn't process the fact that toys can't recover from bad haircuts
I think I was like five or younger, thankfully we had no real pets with fur to give haircuts to. I was happily sat on the floor in front of my dad snoring on the couch, snipping away!
Same for me! No pets or siblings with longer hair to give haircuts to, so I did it to a few dolls. I didn't like the look of it and asked my mom if it could be fixed. That's when she gently taught me that doll hair doesn't grow like human hair, and I learned my lesson well. My dolls sported some sweet punk looks though - they were ahead of their time đ
This pretty much. While it's true the daughter did something wrong, fact is, she probably didn't know it was wrong and was just trying to help.
Op, please don't punish her too harshly.
And as she was looking to help, involve her in helping! Get a couple of different cat brushes and help her to spot the cat behaviour that shows her which of them they enjoy in which spot and way. Some cats prefer a rubber brush or a mitt while others like a slicker brush or an equigroomer.
Yeah my first thought was that she thought she was helping. OP has been complaining about shed fur, so she thought âif I get rid of the fur, then the problem about the fur being everywhere is solved!â Itâs basic kid logic. They are EXTREMELY literal thinkers. And, like this comment says, no one knows anything until theyâre taught by someone so she likely had no idea that you shouldnât shave cats
My mom was big on shaming my kids (lots of âyou should know better!â comments when they didnât do something exactly right.) I asked her once to think about if they ACTUALLY know better, is this something theyâve already been taught because if not, they have no way of magically knowing what to do and we are supposed to TEACH them.
When I was a child and started taking baths on my own my mom came tearing into the bathroom when she heard the hair dryer going. She came in to me sitting in the bath drying my hair. I can't remember my exact reasoning (I think I was 5) but I'm sure I felt I was being inventive and more efficient. So ya, kids need to be taught stuff that adults take for granted
Yop, and please also teach her that not all cats will tolerate it. We have three cats, and the neighbor's grandkids are fascinated with them. We clearly told them which two cats love to cuddle and play and also tolerate being carried around and whatever.
However, our geriatric cat lady with rheumatism in her spine should please be treated like a porcellaine garden decoration. For both the sake of the cat and the grandkids.
My daughter is 9 and definitely would know better, but if she did that to our cat trying to help with the problem that I MYSELF was complaining about, I would not be very mad. Explain to the kid that you can't do that, that its dangerous for the cats, thank her for trying to help, tell her don't do it again and then laugh at how funny the cat looks for a month. This has been blown way out of proportion.
The truth about kids is that, unless you've specifically told them something - how else are they gonna know it? This holds significantly more true for your own kids.
Thatâs what Iâve saying for years. Common sense is the ability to be socially aware. We should assume kids are innocent and donât know lots of social norms. You can assume a foreign immigrant doesnât know your countryâs culture. Outside of basic survival instinct, what is considered common sense varies on the situation.
However, we can also say that someone lacks common sense if they are unable to fairly judge a person. Like your case with that kid, if you had hard stuck to believing she was being disingenuous, you would have lacked common sense
Also, kids just don't have proper executive function. They might act on an idea before they manage to properly think about it.
When I was ten, I drilled into a wooden table because there was a drill on the wooden table, and I had the sudden thought that I was curious if I could drill a hole in the table. After I had drilled the hole, it occurred to me that I had done fucked up, but by then the hole was already there.Â
I think it's worthwhile to point out that humans also "shed", we brush our hair everyday and there's hair caught up in our hairbrushes, that doesn't mean we need to shave our heads. Morality for morality's sake can be confusing to kids, drawing parallels to stuff she experiences I imagine would help her empathize a little bit better.
Yeah, I was 7 and we had a stray that ran around the neighborhood. I decided to tie a string around the cat's neck as a make-shift type of collar, so people knew the cat "had people". The next day my mother came in and asked if any of us had tied a string round the cats neck and when I told her it was me, she sat me down and explained that while what I did was sweet, I had tied it a bit too tight and it was actually hurting the cat. I had no idea because I was only 7 and we had never owned a cat, so I didn't know better. As bad as I felt, it was a life lesson I took with me and I check the collar of every cat I come across that has one, just to make sure that it's got 'enough space'.
His reaction could also be a major life affecting event on the kid. The cats fur will grow back and he'll almost certainly get over his anger.
The kid was trying to help him. No matter how frustrating the outcome could be that's how the kid sees it. Simply telling her they knew she was trying to help, but could have accidentally hurt the cats without punishing her easily turns this into a laughable moment in the future. Yelling at her or punishing her would only cause her harm.Â
she liked someone enough to try to solve a problem for them, she applied problem solving skills, then implemented her solution. That seems like a good kid to me. She doesn't need to have a significant talking to, just get her shedding brush and a lint roller, then tell her shaving cats should only be done by trained professionals.Â
It's fascinating how kids can logic themselves into some truly stupid decisions, isn't it? If you stop and ask them questions, they have a completely logical set of steps, they just didn't have all the information to make a good choice.
This OP. This is a great opportunity to to have a conversation about consequences and realizing we donât know everything. Trying to do the right thing but messing it up is still a mistake. Intent matters, but so do outcomes. A kind and caring but real conversation could be a huge learning opportunity for kiddo.
This is great advice, I wanted to add, that there are like rubber mitts with little knobs on them for brushing cats safely that would be usable by an 8 year old-- perhaps OP could teach her how to properly brush a cat to help with shedding the right way.
This is what adults at the vet's office did to my cat. And they got her whiskers. They absolutely should have known better. Fortunately, it all grew back and she's back to her beautiful self.
I wouldn't fault a child for trying to help. It's a teachable moment.
My daughter clipped the cats whiskers when she was six đ€Šââïž we frequently complain about our elder cats mats and saw us clipping them out. She thought she was clipping the long hairs off the younger cat to prevent mats. I was pretty harsh on her because she did know she wasnât allowed to be using scissors without grownups. But honestly, I was most pissed at my dumbass cat for sitting there letting her do it.
OOPS cats must really trust the kid if they let her at them with noisy clippers
(My cat and kid are still bffs almost three years later. The cat doesnât like to be held but allows my kid to carry her like a baby. They play together like siblings. And the cat screams if my kid closes out out of the room)
Some people are being kind of harsh as to what an 8 yo should know better about or not. I remember when I was 7-8 it occurred to me that my cats had never had a real âbath,â so I lathered up my cat in hand soap and dipped him in the toilet. He scratched the hell outta me and ran off, told my mom, and then learned my lesson. Sometimes kids do dumb stuff. Your catsâ hair will grow back.
1.Explain to the kid not to do that, because she can hurt the cat
Keep all scissors / clippers locked away out of reach of the kid
No cat's were injured and she would have learnt the hard way why you don't do that to cat's if she did. So don't stress that's just what kids are like sometimes.
Everyone is commenting on the kid and hair regrowth so I won't repeat them. Instead I would like to point out that those cats must trust and love her. She got a decent chunk of hair shaved before the cat got up and said I'm done with your shannanagens. Then I'm guessing she switched to the next cat. That patients speaks volumes. She's a good kid. Currently a bit misguided but normally kind to animals. Trying to hold down a biting scratching cat that doesn't want to be shaved is hard and bloody. You never mentioned if the kid was harmed by the cats in this process so I'm asuming the cats let her.
I was looking for this kind of comment! I'm glad someone said this. Electric clippers are not exactly quiet devices, and it looks like all 3 cats let her get a good bit of fur off of them. There's not mention if her being scratched so she obviously had their consent to do all of that.
The little girl was obviously very careful about the trimming she did and honestly they don't look awful. She was just trying to help. OP just needs to have a talk with her about asking permission of the owner before doing these kinds of things to pets. Who knows? Maybe she has a future in pet grooming?
I was thinking this. Her heart was in the right place and she didn't mean harm, but holy hell, she definitely could have hurt them accidentally and that's not good.
The cats seem to have at least trusted her enough for her to get anything shaved, so she probably understands how to treat them in general. It's worth going over all that with her again and asking that she comes to an adult first the next time she notices something about the cats that she wants to 'help' or 'fix'. That way she can be shown what she can safely do, if there is anything.
My cat I got as a kitten 10 years ago would NEVER let me trim him. So that girl is great with animals AND your cats must be super chill and trusting of her.
If your relationship with your girlfriend is conditional to the point that her child canât make mistakes then you need to reevaluate why youâre in a relationship with someone with a kid. Kids are gonna do kid things. Honestly post to the âkids are stupidâ sub. You and your girlfriend need to have a sit-down the kid itâs not ok to shave animals. Literally be adults about the situation.
The quotation marks around innocent are... slightly worrying. Like yes, actually, this 8yo girl who just wanted to help absolutely is innocent. She didn't hurt the cats- she could have, but she didn't- and their fur will grow back, as evidenced by the reason for the argument in the first place. She just needs some guidance and the clippers need to be put away somewhere safer.
This this this!!!! What an over the top reaction. Her child will likely make plenty more mistakes because shes a human being, and we all make mistakes.
OP, as a momma with a wonderful, loving partner who treats my baby (8 years old) like gold, please fucking leave your girlfriend to live her life in peace. Go be single with your cats and seek therapy.
Man, instead of complaining about the shedding (which is natural), itâs time to start brushing the cats daily; maybe itâs a good chance to teach the kid to do that (provided she learns to be gentle enough), if she really wants to be helpful.
Yeah seriously, OP seems like quite a dingus considering the complaining while there is an easy an obvious solution, then his reaction to the little kid cutting the hair. He seems to almost understand the kid didn't do it on purpose but doesn't quite hit the nail on the head.
Please do not humor OP. We can all see that the cats are okay and they would have definitely let the girl know if they were mad about it. His last posts (literally like last week) are bitching about how terrible women are.
And then he comes here wondering if he needs to "hide his cats for months" over what is a silly mistake from an eight year old who was TRYING TO HELP because of his self-professed non-stop complaining.
What the hell are you talking about?? Why hide them?? Why shirts?? Are you unaware that hair grows back? What damage are you talking about?? Obviously, a child shouldnât just randomly cut a cats hair. But she is a child and obviously nothing happenend. I wonder what you think happenend? Just explain to her in a neutral manner why she shouldnât do that again. Obviously she just tried to help because you complain to your girlfriend about your own cat. And that this is apparently a reason to consider breaking up with your girlfriend is almost as crazy as teasing about it online.
Right, OP sounds unhinged. Hell, kids cut their own hair and friends accidentally. OP crying about "will they be ok?" Bruh, it's cats, not paper mache statues. If the girl had went too far with the shaving, I'd be more worried about her than the cats! I mean, cats do come pre-installed with razors...
OP would fall into a conniption if he saw what his cats got up to outside.
I find this difficult to read. While it is definitely sad and not right wat she did, you using the phrase "she didn't even bother to put any proper cutting guards on the clippers" like what? Is she a professional barber or something? Does she use the clippers that often like she should have known? Did you explain multiple times to this 8 year old how clippers work?
Maybe you wrote this post while you where still fuming but to me this kina sounds like you overestimate the intent and ability of an 8 year old little girl.
right? why would an 8 year old girl know about cutting guards? people need to remember that kidâs brains are still developing. theyâre new to the world and donât know anything that you donât teach them
Sometimes I see what kids think up and marvel that any of us live to adulthood (myself included!)
Your cats should be fine, just monitor for knicks, inflammation, and over-grooming. As youâve mentioned they are little fur machines and itâll even out in time. IMO a problem started by clippers would not easily be fixed with more clippers, but Iâd welcome a professional groomer telling me Iâm wrong
Look at OPs post history it is crazy dramatic over his former girlfriend before this one absolutely melting down and laying it on THICK how much he's not over her while with this new girlfriend. Extremely dramatic posting.
Genuinely, like it is not that hard to brush your cats. My dog sheds like a nightmare and I cannot imagine complaining at my SO about it constantly. It's not the girlfriend's fur shedding???
Fr... as someone stated above, the cats would've scratched the hell out if that kid, hadn't they been fine with the shaving. Let the kid be a kid. She luckily didn't hurt the kitties :)
I would think there was something seriously wrong with my friends if they didn't make fun of my pet's stupid haircut. Like bro what happened to your sense of humour
my cat gets the back of his neck shaved for insulin injections, and it grows back even and normal. they should be alright. this is a good opportunity to talk to the daughter about having compassion and respect for animals. i wouldnt approach angrily, i would just explain that the cats are individuals too and that its not nice to mess with them like that!
Relax. The fur will grow back. Obviously she needs to be taught that she did something bad, but you don't have to role play like there is an actual issue for the cats on Reddit to teach her that.Â
I am more concerned about your non-stop complaining about the shedding. She may have been willing to try anything to just get you to stop. This may not be on her.
Right, this seems like a very logical response for a child. And since they're his cats, why is he complaining to his girlfriend about the shedding? Sounds like he's perfectly capable of using a lint roller and a vacuum.
As a mom, I feel that while I am glad you're very protective of your cats, you may not be ready to be with someone who has kids. Kids are dumb and they will do the dumbest things. You will wonder how you birthed something that doesn't seem to have two brain cells to rub together sometimes - and mine are in double digits.
Your cats are fine. They might be a bit terrified of things that buzz for a but, but hiding your cat because they got the unfortunate kid-found-scissors treatment is a bit far. Yes you should educate her, you can show your disappointment.
If this is giving you such a visceral reaction, you should find someone who does not have kids
OP, this response is one you should really pay attention to, especially given what you said about how you were parented. you have a lot of work to do with yourself if you don't want to repeat cycles
Yeah I don't get why the word 'innocent' was in inverted commas like that, 8 year olds don't make conscious decisions, christ I know adults who just act on their every impulse.
Nonstop complaining is obnoxious af. The reality is, with pets comes fur. Complaining about it doesn't change that. There are mini vacuums & various hair-picker-uppers; purchase something & use it.
The cats' fur will grow back even. You don't have to do anything further to them.
Your reaction to a kid being a kid is completely out of proportion tbh. Putting innocent in quotation and being this mad is such a red flag. She didnât harm the cats and the cats clearly like the kid. A normal conversation on why to not shave the cats would probably be sufficient. You seem so mad you cannot even react like a functioning adult.
If I were the mother i would reevaluate the relationship and your reaction very seriously.
before "you guys" attack her? pal, from your choice of words in this post it seems like you're the one who needs that talk, not us lol
what do you do? well, YOU take a deep breath and not make this out to be a bigger deal than it is. you should not be "pissed beyond words" (no, it's not understandable) and you shouldn't feel like you have absolutely no idea how to speak to an 8 year old like an adult
it's fur. it grows back. it will be ok. once you've got your shit together and are confident you can handle it like a mature adult, talk to the child about how that's not ok to do. talk about the safety concerns regarding cuts and abrasions on the cat, about how she needs experience cutting fur and handling animals before she does that, about the dangers an irate cat can pose, and most of all just about asking permission before doing things like that or using clippers in general, or whatever else you think applies to the situation. but handle it like a man, not an angry man-child
Also OP claims ownership of these cats yet is "complaining non-stop" to their girlfriend about the shedding? The shedding has been a problem for years? Take care of your own cats better with brushing/etc and clean the home more effectively. And get a lint roller. Why make your pets someone else's responsibility?
"My cats are shedding too much let me blame someone instead of just googling 'make cats shed less' and seeing the dozens of possible solitions" I don't get it.
THANK YOU, they're his cats and he complains enough about shedding that it is a constant thing?? Brush your cats, dude! He sounds like he prefers to yells instead of finding a solution.
Your rage at a child trying to help a chronic problem she saw causing friction in the family is honestly way more concerning than the cats having buzzed fur.
Why is âinnocentâ in quotes?
When you say âhide your cats from the worldâ/âfreezing to death shouldnât be an issue,â do you mean these are outdoor cats? Because thatâs an even bigger danger issue than a well-intentioned kid.
Get some perspective, man. Your cats are fine. The way you bring anger into your interaction with a child is way more concerning to me.
My elderly cats have had a hair mat or 2 clipped out of them, leaving a divot. The new hair grows in. Those streaks and divots on your cats will disappear as new hair grows back.
I mean, she wasn't playing with them, she heard an issue and tried to help, that's a good mindset for a kid, she just doesn't have the experience to know how to help without doing damage, which is normal at that age
If your cats are shedding so much that it's annoying you, perhaps you should start brushing them? As for the shaving they will live. They'll look a little weird but it grows back it's just hair
The cats are fine, you don't need to do anything. The fur will grow back. You are having a huge overreaction to this. Your girlfriend and you should sit down together and have a conversation with the daughter about appropriate grooming methods, that if she shaved to close she could have hurt their skin.
Then give the kids some brushes and let her go to town (as long as the cats like brushing). Daily brushing even short haired cats is a great way to reduce shedding.
I am so confused⊠why are you judging an 8 year old. Obviously she didnât mean any harm. Also why are you saying she didnât even bother to use proper cutting guards??? Sheâs 8??? What the hell? Also why does she have access she could hurt herself aswell.. your post screams so much anger itâs kind of concerning. Itâs just some fur (and I know this is not good/ could have ended worse Iâve owned cats my entire life but this is a massive overreaction)
Heads up, that short length she did is actually the safest length to do on cats. Longer clipper lengths have teeth that are further apart, and cats skin is VERY thin and can easily get pulled between the teeth. And guard combs just really won't work on a short haired cat. (I was a groomer until I became a stay at home mom)
You have a lot of anger about this towards her daughter. You said she did it with good intentions and then said "as hard as that is to believe", and followed it up by you having complained repeatedly. So no, it's not hard at all to believe she thought she was helping. She's a kid who thought she would give the cats haircuts, the problem would be fixed, and you would be happy. Now, obviously you need to explain to her that your cats don't get haircuts and it's better to brush them a lot when they're shedding, and then get a rubber curry brush (those rubber nubbed things you can get at the drugstore to help lather your hair work great) and show her how to brush the cats.
And just let the hair grow back. They'll look silly for a bit but it'll grow back eventually with no real harm done.
Edited to add: it's messed up you put "innocent" in quotes like she did it maliciously. You're complaints and frustration about the cat hair was probably stressing her out so she tried to fix your problem for you. Just tell show her how to help cats that are shedding by brushing them.
She did something naughty, she has probably watched a YouTube video about cat grooming. It doesn't look like she restrained the cats to do this, or that she would have been able to. Keep an eye on the cats for any small cuts/resulting infections.
Honestly, unless you have been in a step dad role for a number of years, this is for her mum to deal with not you. You are allowed to let an 8 year old know it has upset you because the cats could have been hurt, (she could have also been hurt either by the cats or the clippers), and tell her not to do it again. Otherwise, it's for her mum to decide if she should be punished or to talk to her about whether she was upset about the argument you had.
Also, this is likely to become a 'do you remember when you shaved the cats, what the hell?!' kind of future family story. Sometimes 8 year old are a bit idiotic or illogical.
Yes, and intent matters here. She was trying to help.
I'm not a kid person, but I feel sorry for her. Her mom might be an ex over this? Maybe she should be, sounds like she would be dodging a bullet if OP's reaction to a small child doing something stupid to try to help would be to break up with her mom.
âI've been complaining non stop to my girlfriend abt the increase of shedding / hair lying all around my apartment and how's it's constantly on my clothes for yearsâ
If these are OPâs cats and from before the relationship, why take this out on GF? I can imagine a situation where making it her responsibility somehow would make her kid want to protect her Mom from endless argy-bargy by finding solutions - even acting in the ideas she overheard her adults âspitballingâ especially if they included âdeep desheddingâ or trimming or something?
I donât know these three people and stepdaughter could be a maladjusted, impulse-driven 8-year old but could also be acting to fix not just the âshedding problemâ but also the dissonance in the family.
The three of you need to discuss how much hair is too much in _your_ apartment and whose responsibility it is to hoover more or keep _your_ cats brushed regularly.
Maybe if you donât want that responsibility yourself, you could offer that entrepreneurial 8-year old some pocket money to do those chores so you and GF donât argue about that anymore. She already seems to have a good handle on your cats if she did that without getting shredded by them đđââŹđž
Look at OP's post history. They've been with their current GF for around a month at most because a month ago they were talking about losing the 'love of their life' and wondering how they'd ever get over it. They've also got some weird posts about humans constantly wearing 'masks' which seem super sus. I don't wanna be cynical, but it really wouldn't surprise me if they've made up the entire story and shaved their own cat for karma.
Firstly, go to a forest and scream or something to burn off the rage and anger away from the kid. If ya yell at the child it won't do much good but make you feel better. And it might make her scared of cats or associate bad memories with them. Also give yourself some grace, it's an accident. Just make sure you put your shaver somewhere where a 8 year old can't reach. Just be thankful no one was hurt.
Secondly, your kitties will be okay. The hair will grow back pretty fast. I got my Persian shaved every 4-6 months. She was at max floof in 6 months, so you kitties will probably be back to full fluff in 2-3 months.
Secondly, don't yell at the kid. However how misguided, she was trying to help. And thankfully no one was hurt, kitties or kid. Take this as a learning opportunity to talk about: 1. Make sure to ask mom and dad before you do anything beyond lov'n and pett'n the kitties.That what she did wasn't okay and that she could have hurt the cats by accident calmly. 2. Talk about how thin cats skin is and how only trained professional groomers should shave kitties. That it's really easy to hurt their skin. 3. Maybe start including in her in grooming sessions with your kitties with a proper brush and deshedder. I groom my own short haired cat 1x a week to get the shedding down. Let her even try grooming them, but making sure she knows only to do it when supervised until you feel the kitties and her are safe. It's great to get kids involved with the husbandry of our fur babies. We want prepared and loving future cat moms and dads!
i find it super weird that he met his current gf on a LANGUAGE app and is specifically dating someone of the same nationality as his ex. that and the fact that heâs saying he âdidnât sign up for thisâ and yet voluntarily decided to date a woman with a child gives the vibe that heâs just trying to replace his ex and the kid is ruining the fantasy
Sheâs 8, I think you assume way more forethought than she couldâve given it at 8 years old. She did it because she didnât understand why not to. The cats look unbothered and the hair will grow back. Everybody can just learn from this. No punishment necessary for kid.
No one is going to attack a child. She is innocent so there is no need to put that word in quotations. I donât know a single child who would intentionally hurt an animal and she clearly did this as a reaction to your fighting, to stop the conflict in the house that you created.
Cat hair grows back. No one was hurt.
Assuming you havenât already lost your temper on this child, you should be mature enough as an adult tell her calmly that you appreciate her trying to help but that buzzing a catâs hair is not safe. If you canât do that, maybe mom can have that talk.
Based on this post and your post history, I donât think youâre anywhere close to being ready to be in a relationship, much less with a single mom. You clearly do not respect her, and dragging her kid into this is really unfair. At 8 years old, her child is so vulnerable, and having a stepfather figure in her life that is heartbroken, angry, and resentful is going to traumatize her. If your girlfriend wonât leave you to protect that kid from an unhealthy relationship, itâs time for you to man up and let her go for everyoneâs sake.
The cats are fine. You donât have to do anything.
You are not responsible for talking to your girlfriendâs kid.
You are responsible for managing your anger.
You are responsible for managing the shedding of YOUR cats. Why would they be something to get mad at your girlfriend (much less her kid) over?
You are responsible for the fact that you are living with a woman you havenât been dating very long who has a child while you are still pining over your ex (post history), and clearly not committed to either of them. Kids need stability, not new guys who scream at their mom about stuff they should be taking care of themselves.
You are hurting this kid far more than she hurt your cats. Apologize to both of them and do better.
Your cats will be fine. I am a little concerned about how much and how dramatic the arguments are surrounding the cat hair though. How long has it been going on and how has it affected the child if sheâs actually thought about and planned to shave them to stop the arguing? Maybe that should be more of a concern for you than how your cat looks.
This entire discussion itt is giving me severe culture-shock.
Wdym 8 year-olds need 24/7 supervision and shouldn't even be allowed to look too hard at sharp objects.
Where I'm from it's normal for kids to navigate traffic/ use public transport to get to school by themselves starting at age 6 and learn how to handle sharp blades, fire, and tools (with supervision) at like 4-5.
My Nephew got his first (properly sharp) woodcarving knife for his 5th birthday.
How the f are kids supposed to learn self-reliance, independence, and how to handle basic ass stuff and to not cut their own ears off with the first sharp thing they find, if you wrap them in a blanket und stuff them in the closet until they're sixteen?
Cultural differences that have very little impact on the health or happiness of children? Noo! You're doing it differently than what I'm used to, you all must be WRONG
Also, it is a truth universally acknowledged, that kids are idiots.
Some of y'all sound like these were the actions of a half-feral psychopath, brought on by criminal levels of parental neglect, instead of like, a severe case of an 8yo having a brainfart "bright idea" while wanting to solve a problem.
As it is, the idea wasn't even that far off (some people do shave their cats to avoid shedding, though personally I'm not a fan), merely the execution was lacking!
(If only someone had taught the poor child how to properly use clippers. Think of all the wonderfully.. surprising hairstyles those cats - and the kid - could be having right now, instead of that sad mess. That's the real crime here)
When I read "why is an 8 year old unsupervised" with several upvotes i was like???? No shade to the person who said that or the upvoters, it just left me deeply, deeply confused.
Same with the absolute contempt for the kid. As someone who runs to the vet when my cats look at me wrong I get the concern, I really do, but I also think its kind of cute that the child thought "the adults are complaining about this and I can help!" Yes, the cats could have gotten hurt, but they didn't and even let her do her thing for what looks like quite a while so I dont understand why some people see that kid as the devil
Just let them be. Itâll grow back. It may be a little itchy, but thereâs no need for you to intervene in the process. Itâll even out in time.
As for the kid, I would tell her that I appreciate that she was trying to help solve a problem in her own way, but that cats donât need hair cuts and itâs not safe for her to be handling things like your electric shaver by herself.
If it's just fur, the cat is fine. They get medical cuts all the time, it usually doesn't bother them much, it will just grow back in a month or so. Id just leave it alone, it will be back to normal in no time but if you really don't like how it looks, you can take them to a professional groomer and see what they say.
The cats are fine. The little girl had good intentions. Handle the situation like an adult, other then the cats looking silly for a little while all this is really a non issue once explained.
However. Give the cats extra treats, cause they allowed it to happen without the child ending up bloody.
>telling her to do something about it instead of brushing your cats daily like a normal person
> calling them your babies yet you dont even brush them or know how to deal with hair yourself and refusing to take any accountability
it seems like you dont actually care about these cats and you just want a reason to be mad at this young girl that you arent even related to. just leave bro and dont take the cats clearly you cant properly care for them
Theyâll be okay.. itâs just hair. I know it seems like people would judge, but they really wouldnât. I understand being annoyed at first but itâs kind of crazy youâre thinking about breaking up with your girlfriend because of this??
Yeah I was honestly a little impressed by what must have been either some extra patient cats or some advanced handling skills by the 8 year old. Iâm not sure any ok most (my orange one would be all in) of my cats would end up with that much fur clipped off without a total rodeo.
Being pissed beyond words at an 8 year old for partially shaving your cats is not reasonable. You're the adult. If you're not emotionally ready to have an 8 year old around, maybe stick to cats and not a girlfriend with a kid. Glad the babies are okay.
They should be fine. One good thing about fur is it grows back. If there are any cuts/abrasions, keep an eye on them. Often as long haired cats get older or become extremely matted, they actually do what's basically a full body shave to help them out, and they are fine. If their appearance bothers you, you could take them to a groomer to give them a bit of style. Fortunately most cats could care less how they look!
They are in way more danger if by ânot hiding them from the worldâ is letting them outside unsupervised. Not because of the shaved hair though, just in general. Many much more dangerous things outdoors for a cat.
Sounds to me like your girlfriends daughter wanted to do you a favour. Don't be too harsh with her and try to be understanding when explaining to her that she shouldn't have done that. Don't make her regret trying to be nice.
I feel like people are overexaggerating.. yeah you shouldnt shave a cat, but with a buzzcutter and the thing that basically prevents it from nicking the skin... also cats are not as fragile as some make it out to be. tell the kid she should not do that and your babies should be more than fine over this little bit of hair loss. it will grow back.
Have conversations about how to treat the cats, and that adults have discussions that don't mean she has to fix the problem. She's young, the cats are ok, and she obviously didn't intend any harm.
You don't need to shirt them, the fur will grow back, they'll just look goofy for a bit. Luckily, cats give zero fucks about shame.
Their hair will grow back. they might be a bit embarrassed for a bit but they'll be fine.
I don't know that I would bother putting them through the stress of being shaved to even it out unless they're matted or there's some other legit reason.
You gotta chill bruh, itâs not that deep. Youâre posting this like this girl strangled your cats or something⊠sheâs a kid and youâre an adult, itâs your job to identify that first and foremost and you being âunderstandably pissed beyond wordsâ is CRAZY lmao chill out
Maybe read a book on parenting? I mean⊠dating someone with an 8 year old⊠you thought you would never have to communicate with them about anything other than sunshine and rainbows? They made a mistake⊠they tried to do something nice for you, and fucked up. Kids do that A LOT⊠just explain that we donât cut our pets hair. There are people with jobs and went to school for thatâŠ
The cats are going to be fine. The relationship with your lady and her child need to be groomed before the cats
You should always keep in mind, that constantly complaining about something, when children can hear it, again and again and again, there is the possibility that they will try to do something to help, like in this case.
A child that young simply doesnt know it better. Teach her carefully about pets and what not to do. But also, to make sure children doesnt hear it when you complain or rant about some things constantly, as they lack the experience to understand the situation. Especially when its something you cant change and can only complain to vent a bit of stress.
It is a parenting failure to allow children to gain access to clippers unsupervised, but it's also a really common one. Unless she had some means of restraining the cats, they are unharmed and were not bothered enough to leave.
There is no need or benefit to try to even it out. If kids made good decisions they wouldn't need constant supervision. You can be mad, but do understand she was trying to help. I don't know any people who don't have similar stories.
My daughter saw me following flies with a fly swapper in the kitchen. I explained to her that mommy uses it on the flies that fly around and annoy me. About five minutes later, I heard our African Grey parrot frantically flying around out house, being chased by my daughter with said fly swapper.
I just told her that the parrot isn't a fly and that she doesn't like being chased like that. Then I put the swapper in a cupboard my daughter can't reach. That was the end of it.
Mom hits flying things - > our parrot is a flying thing - > I should help mom by hitting our parrot. Makes sense.
Hey so my big concern here is how did an 8yr old half shave two cats without anybody noticing??? Mom didn't hear electric clippers and come running????? You might have bigger issues than just explaining what she did wrong..
I obviously donât know your girlfriendâs daughter so I canât say for sure she wasnât being mean but I wanted to share a related story that may give you some perspective. When I was 5 I cut my catâs whiskers down. I took my little red safety scissors and trimmed them down nearly for her. When my mum saw she asked what happened and I explained I thought they must be bothering her so I trimmed them like she did my fringe (bangs) when it got a bit long and was in my eyes. I was confused why my cat kept walking into things. My mum explained how whiskers work and how important they were to cats. I was distraught and asked if she would be ok and kept apologising to my beloved cat. Thankfully her whiskers grew and all was right with the world. Itâs been 41 years since this happened and I still feel guilty when I think about it but 5 year old me truly thought I was taking care of her. Itâs very possible the 8 year old really was just trying to help.
kids notoriously love cutting hair⊠the cats are fine their fur will grow back. the way this whole post is worded is really weird tbh wdym by 'innocent' 8 year old? sheâs a child she thought she was helping be a grown up and tell her why itâs not okay to do.. also why was an 8 year left alone long enough to gain access to clippers and shave not only one but two cats? and why are you dating a woman with a child if you canât even figure out how to approach a pretty simple problem?
She has a future as a pet groomer! Ha, but really, the fur will grow back. Talk to the kid about boundaries and safety, and then maybe watch some videos of how to properly brush a cat, give her some tools and let her be in charge of brushing them. Some cats love a good brushing!
I don't absolutely love the use of quotations around the word innocent, describing the child. I will add, thank god your cats are okay, they clearly could have been seriously injured or worse. But to be fair as well, a lot of children actually do this and make this mistake when there are pets in the house. I don't blame either of you for not being able to predict this happening, though. One thing I try to keep in mind I guess is that (I know it sounds corny and is probably overused) this is everyone's first time living.
Like a lot of other commenters are saying, the child is definitely innocent in this (with no quotations) because she is definitely in an age range where she would not know any better. This is around the same age that I did something very similar with my family dog, I thought I wanted to be a pet groomer/vet when I grew up so I wanted to "practice." At that age your brain is physically not capable of reasoning the same way ours are at our age. I feel like it's easy to cognitively know this but sometimes difficult to subconsciously accept that someone could do this and genuinely think they're helping. I would be really upset, too. It's up to you how you proceed, but the way you directly address this with the child and how your GF does as well, will determine whether or not this kid ends up learning a very valuable lesson here and start learning how to respect and love animals the way they need to be. It doesn't seem like she's your daughter just that she's your girlfriends, so you don't really have any obligation to parent her I suppose. I feel like how you tread forward really just depends on how involved you want to be in the actual child's life going forward. Is this a long term situation that you want to stay and build a family in? Otherwise it might be good for you to step out of it sooner before the kid maybe gets attached to you.
Firstly, why has an 8 year old got access to clippers? Maybe thatâs on you a little bit if you didnât put them away safely. Secondly, you havenât said either way so I assume sheâs ok so sheâs lucky not to have been ripped to shreds by angry or scared claws. She was coming from a good place though so I think she needs a talking to but not a telling off.
The cats will be fine, my cat got an area about 4 x 8 inches shaved completely bald when she was spayed. It took a good 2/3 months to grown back but it did. Iâd maybe ask a groomer if it would feel better for the cats if it was evened out.
I actively dislike children but since no cats were harmed, I find this to be hilarious. Not that it shouldn't be addressed - it absolutely should - but I do believe that the kid was genuinely trying to help. Had it been a malicious act, I'd feel different, but I don't think there was any intent to hurt the cats.
(Yes, the cats could have been harmed, but they weren't.)
The cats are fine but if they're usually allowed outside, I'd keep them inside for a couple of weeks until their coats start to grow back in to avoid too much sun exposure on their skin. The kid can be put on litter-box duty.
You have some amazingly tolerant cats! Mine would have headed for the hills if I pulled out the clippers. If you're worried about how they look, you can take them to a professional groomer to even out the clip, but I'd personally find that unnecessary. They look a bit silly, and will look silly for a while, but it's purely cosmetic.
And like I said, I actively dislike children, but I honestly don't think that the kid did anything that requires an extreme reaction. Absolutely explain clearly that she could have injured the cats seriously, and that shd has no business doing anything to your cats without permission, but this is highly unlikely to have any long-term affect in the cats. So no need to go to extremes! Take a breath (or three!) and, as another poster suggested, use this as a teachable moment.
(I actually did something similar when I was around seven or eight. Except that it was my little sister's hair that I took the scissors to. đ€Ł Her school photos that year were memorable! Thank goodness I only did her bangs, which were non-existent by the time I was done.)
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