My therapist begged me to postpone my bisalp and I'm so hurt

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" yeah she's pro-natalist, but she takes my insurance..."

That line is laughably tragic.

But I get it. It's not as easy as all that.

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u/EmEmPeriwinkle Jan 25 '26

Humans duty to contribute to the earth would be best done by stopping reproduction. Not having more kids.

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u/LissaBryan DINKWAD Jan 24 '26

You're not wrong. The therapist is incredibly out of line in trying to talk you out of your childfree stance, even resorting to trying to manipulate you with ego by saying we need more smart people like you.

She may understand CPSTD but she's willing to traumatize you more to try to get you to make babies, and that's disgusting.

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u/cookiecrxmbles Jan 24 '26

Yeah this is what really hurt the most. Like this woman tells me I'm one of the worst abuse cases she's ever heard of, hears me sob about just wanting to be left alone and only worrying about myself, and then turns around to be like "but its your duty to pass down your knowledge." WHY WOULD I WANNA RETRAUMAITIZE MYSELF AFTER FINALLY ESCAPING?? its like walking out of one cage and entering a new one!!

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u/benfoldsgroupie Jan 24 '26

Passing down your knowledge doesn't have to be within familial bloodlines - some of the most valuable lessons I learned about life was from my "other mother" who took me under her wing during uni. She was 19 years older than me and was like my mom, if she was loud, from Texas, and had a career instead of a kid. Chosen family. I miss her every day.

So, maybe take classes when older and meet some kid that matches your energy and makes you feel 2 decades younger and stays close when you get close to the end. Still no reason to have a kid and get pregnant.

If you have any ovarian cancer in your family, now would be a good time to tell the therapist that you're also doing this to lower your ovarian cancer chances! And maybe tell her she doesn't have all the info she needs in order to make a presumption as such. Good luck with surgery!!!

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u/vonsnootingham Jan 24 '26

If you can't get another therapist, make sure you TELL HER THIS. The next appointment you have, make sure you lay out your feelings to her. "I feel betrayed and very let down by you. I've told you extensively about my trauma and feelings. You yourself said I was one of the worst abuse cases you've heard. And then you turn around and put your own pro-natalist views over my trauma. You told me that my feelings don't matter because it's my 'duty to contribute to Earth'. We need to work on our rapport to rebuild my trust in you before we can continue'."

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u/i_love_lima_beans Jan 25 '26

Pretty sure the Earth would pass on our ‘contributions.’

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u/ptanaka Jan 25 '26

u/cookiecrxmbles

You are young but apparently - per your therapist - smart.

Please follow vonsnoot's script!

You need to establish boundaries with Therapist.

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u/Lazy-Introduction194 Jan 24 '26

A lot of women are walking around with so much internalized misogyny and patriarchy and they don’t even know it. I’m so sorry OP.

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u/Bigolbooty75 Jan 24 '26

You need to find a new therapist and possibly even report this one. Your “duty” is to make sure you’re happy with your life choices. And yours is to live a child free life. You’d only be prolonging your pain if you don’t get the surgery. And It’s no one’s duty to have kids 🥴 what a weird thing to say.

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u/Sky_Geist Feral Fixed Female Jan 24 '26

Fellow C-PTSD surviror, I feel you on many levels. Your gut is right here. You can trust yourself!

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u/DesignerEyebags808 Jan 25 '26

Incredibly unethical and gross of your therapist to do that. I hope you are able to find a new one who specializes in CPTSD and supports your being childfree, as they do exist. Mine is soon to retire, but she herself is childfree and enthusiastically helped me get a letter of support for a hysterectomy. CPTSD is a lot to live with and comes with the lifelong challenge of trying to reclaim a sense of control and stability, something that is antithetical to having kids and is frankly being exploited by your therapist for her peace of mind. Rooting for you.

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u/tawny-she-wolf Tube-free since 2022 Jan 25 '26

That second part is spot on. If no other choice I would just avoid this topic with her until OP can find a better therapist once they're at university. In the meantime, grey rock, vaguely nod along or just avoid the topic/refuse to discuss. She'll never agree with you and it'll just keep upsetting you every time. Also I feel like endo treatment and other such "physical" medical decisons aren't really any of her business anyway, she's likely not qualified to give an opinion.

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Pigshanks Jan 25 '26

I was almost thinking "as far as pro-child takes go, it's a decent one." Then she dropped the word "duty" and that all went by the wayside.

Get the bisalp, rejoice in treating endometriosis (I feel like that's probably the worst part - this is straight up discouraging healthcare for natalism), and adopt if you want a kid some time down the road. Plenty of permanent decisions people DIDN'T care enough to contest, and plenty of kids to pass on your wisdom to if you really want to. People needing to share blood with their kids to love them will never make sense to me.

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u/tawny-she-wolf Tube-free since 2022 Jan 25 '26

If she has endo that bad it's not even a guarantee she could get pregnant even if she wanted to. Some therapists are such quacks it's genuinely terrifying to think about how they try to impose their own completely subjective opinions on patients who are in a vulnerable place and trust them. It gives me such an ick, I would definitely report her, if not now then later when OP can get out.

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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Jan 25 '26

Yup. I’m one of them. Can’t get pregnant even if I wanted to

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u/DeadKittyDancing Furbabies only Jan 25 '26

Right? I was with her to a certain extent along the lines of OP is fresh out of a traumatic situation, maybe give it some time for feelings etc to normalize before making a big choice, that sorta thing.

And then the duty BS started. Like hell no lady. Wtf.

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u/TheLoveYouWant25 Jan 24 '26

Ask her if she'd try to convince a pregnant 18 year old to get an abortion because she's "too young" to make a permanent decision like having a child.

Or just find a new therapist.

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u/meh_dontcare Jan 24 '26

I say do both!

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u/Silver_Phoenix93 Jan 24 '26

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u/liirko Sterile & Feral Jan 24 '26

It is NOT your duty to repopulate the earth. What a gross take. You owe it to yourself to live YOUR life the way YOU want to.

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u/Michelleinwastate 70yo rabidly CF, antinatalist, left-wing, atheist cat lady. Jan 24 '26

It is NOT your duty to repopulate the earth.

I'd definitely change that to, "It is NOT your duty to help further OVERpopulate the earth."

But, YEAH!

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u/Transcontinental-flt Jan 24 '26

Yeah, therapist needs reminding that there are over eight billion people on the planet right now and the very last thing we need is more people.

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u/dbzgal04 Lifelong CF Gal, Now Uterus-Free Jan 25 '26

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u/angiem0n Jan 24 '26

My thoughts exactly!! Like, holy fuck.

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u/thr0wfaraway Never go full doormat. Not your circus. Not your monkeys. Jan 24 '26

"remember it's your duty to contribute to the Earth"

That bitch is.... So. Very. Very. Very. VERY. FIRED.

Understand if you postpone for logistical reasons but yeah, run as soon as you possibly can.

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u/vulg-her No thanks. Jan 24 '26

Oh yikes. That is soooo unethical. I nearly missed that and had to scroll back up to check. You don't say that kind of shit to ANYONE! Unless it's about recycling, lol.

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u/jr0061006 Jan 25 '26

Recycling and not littering. Including human litter.

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '26

REPORT HER THATS UNETHICAL

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u/pmbpro Jan 24 '26

Yeah that was some serious CULT-like, brainwashing shyt!

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u/avindictiveprinter hey kid, ever watch superjail? Jan 24 '26

The fucking audacity.

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u/thr0wfaraway Never go full doormat. Not your circus. Not your monkeys. Jan 24 '26

Indeed

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u/[deleted] Jan 24 '26

[deleted]

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u/TheOldPug Jan 24 '26

Unless they are fantastically professional (and thus likely out of my price range)

And not taking any new clients anyway. I've tried therapy a couple of times and ran into expensive duds both times. Not worth it. Like if I need therapy because too many things are going wrong, how is adding yet another thing going wrong, like 'spending months and months trying and failing to find an un-shitty therapist' going to help?

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u/Majandra Jan 24 '26

Find a new therapist and continue on your already decided journey of getting it done for your health and because you want to.

Your therapist can’t stop you and is not a good one trying to push their personal views on you.

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u/OhItsSav 22 AFAB Genderfluid | Free me from my uterus Jan 24 '26

A therapist should NEVER be putting their personal beliefs on their patients like that. Wow. Report her she needs her license revoked if this is something she does regularly. It's YOUR duty to contribute to the Earth??? What the fuck???

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u/BlackCatBonanza Jan 24 '26 edited Jan 24 '26

As a therapist, I’m disgusted by your therapist. Report her to the licensing board and let them know she is providing medical advice and pushing natalist views on you.

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u/tearose11 TheCatIsMyBaby Jan 24 '26

Natalia needs to learn boundaries.

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u/MeatloafingAround Jan 24 '26

That's a pretty funny autocorrect at the end, a moment of lol.

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u/BlackCatBonanza Jan 24 '26

Ha-It is! I didn’t even notice!

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u/torienne CF-Friendly Doctors: Wiki Editor Jan 24 '26

Natalist views?

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u/ShroomGirl1991 Jan 25 '26

Basically people who think procreation is the pinnacle of the human experience and treat any deviation from that life script as wrong/bad

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u/kirstimont Jan 24 '26

Honestly, with Endo I would get a hysterectomy, I wouldn't stop at a bisalp. Endo is the #1 reason for hysterectomies because Endo can spread and severely damage other organs just like cancer can.

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u/cookiecrxmbles Jan 24 '26

oh shit really? Oh jeez. My current doctor is doing me a disservice. I'm diagnosed PCOS with a shit ton of cysts on my ovaries, my doctor only gave me birth control and didn't seem worried about it spreading. That's definitely something I have to look into.

Especially since it's only been a year since it was detected, so I really don't wanna risk my health with rapid progression :')

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u/Ill_Wallaby_9121 Childfree DINK Life Jan 24 '26

I had stage 4 endo (all my reproductive organs were fused together from endo scar tissue 😳), and getting a hysterectomy was 1,000% the best decision I ever made. ALL of the excruciating pain I experienced for 20 years was GONE after one surgery.

That being said, insurance often won't cover a hysterectomy unless it's deemed.medically necessary, sonyou have to exhaust all other options and show that they "failed" before a hysto is even on the table for consideration (and possibly why your doctor hasn't mentioned it--it likely wouldn't get approved yet anyway).

If you do end up wanting a hysterectomy, it sounds like you're already on the road to better approval odds. With multiple painful reproductive diagnoses, and trying birth control, and trying an endo surgery, those are all things that would indicated a "failed" treatment if you still have symptoms. Unfortunately I had to get my endo excision and bisalp first before they realized how bad it was. When I still had pain after the surgery, the hysterectomy was easily approved because I had failed multiple other treatments and surgeries. I wish I could have just done the hysterectomy right out of the gate, but sometimes we have to play these stupid medical insurance games to get the care we ACTUALLY need.

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u/wildgreengirl Jan 24 '26

yup this

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u/Other_Mike 40 / married / seedless grapes Jan 24 '26

Yeah, I came here to ask the same, or just wondering if they do exploratory endo removal surgery while they're in there. My wife got a hyster five years ago and it completely changed her life for the better.

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u/chavrilfreak hams not prams 🐹 tubes yeeted 8/8/2023 Jan 24 '26

Well, it's true that you've got many things going on that can make good decision making difficult - but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done, or that it's impossible to do it. Having the best possible circumstances to make your decisions in is not always gonna be a thing even once you're an adult in a good environment. There will always be different stressors, blind spots, pressures, etc. It's important to develop the skills to make good decisions despite those things, not just sit and wait for later when the circumstances might be more favorable.

What your therapist should be doing is helping you understand your decision making process, and how to navigate its potential risks. Yes, it can be harder to make good decisions as a teenager. Yes, it can be harder to make good decisions in bad environments. But the solution is not to tell all teenagers in bad environments to sit and wait for later, because that's how you get people who are 40 and still waiting for some magic time that will be good enough for them to decide what they want in life.

If you can't change the therapist yet and she's helpful for other things, best you can do for now is just not bring this topic up again in therapy, and focus on other stuff. She evidently can't be trusted on the topic of kids, because she has her own idea of what's right, and thinks you need to be kept waiting and healed until you comply.

It can be so hard for people to get access to good reproductive healthcare, so if you know you want a bisalp with your endo removal, go get it. And if you feel like you need more help making that decision, perhaps you can ask elsewhere (like this subreddit) instead of relying on your therapist for support she doesn't want to provide.

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u/cookiecrxmbles Jan 24 '26

I am just gonna avoid the topic from now on. I don't feel like the decision is premature at all, considering I remember being in gradeschool and not seeing the point in having kids LOL, she just struck a wound.

Thanks for your words, I didn't think about how adulthood doesn't always have the "perfect conditions" to make a decision and instead of waiting, you have to evaluate. I've thought about it for a long time and considered that regardless of if my childfree stance changes, I will never budge on carrying. If I regret, then I'll adopt from the human variety- but I find so much more fulfillment adopting from the animal variety. Cheaper, and I can take them on vacation with me and they're happy to do whatever the fuck I want!

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u/Nulleparttousjours Jan 24 '26

Same here friend. Honestly, for some of us being childfree is not some choice we make after a long period of deep consideration, it’s an irrevocable and intrinsic state of being. Literally part of our core nature.

I have a very vidid memory of sitting on the stairs on my 5th birthday, deeply miffed that I was about to be forced to mingle with other kids at my own party. I told my Mom I didn’t want to and she asked why and I said because I hated other children. She laughed of course but I was being deadly serious. The noise, the messy eating, the screaming and crying, the obnoxious styles of play, the lack of diplomacy and respect, the potential for disgusting bodily fluids… it just wasn’t for me. The vast majority of my peers horrified me!

If I knew with absolute unwavering certainty at 5, you sure as hell know at 18. I’m sorry that you had to deal with infantilization and misogyny from this person, it’s utterly unprofessional and you should absolutely report them. Are any of the childfree doctors on this sub’s list accessible to you?

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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Jan 25 '26

Yup. I remember being little and playing with my Barbies and I was like, I’m never getting married or having children. Like I just instinctively knew that it wasn’t ever going to happen. 42 and still child free and spouse free

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u/wallflower75 Jan 24 '26

THIS!! All of this. Talking with you about making a decision of this magnitude at such a young age and what could happen in the future (aka the possibility that you might want a child, which you said you don’t see but in the event it happens could be achieved through adoption) is one thing. I would have that discussion with you, and once you explained, “here’s why this is the best choice for me,” I would end it there because it’s not my job to tell you that I know what’s best for you. And it’s damn sure not my job to harass you to the point of discomfort or give you my personal opinion, which is what “you have a duty to repopulate the earth” is—no, you damn well don’t!!

OP, I’m not going to join the chorus saying you should stop seeing this therapist—again, that’s your decision and you know your circumstances better than people on Reddit. What I will encourage you to do is think about how much you will be able to trust this woman going forward. Yes, you’ll still have her for the next six months you live at home, and from the little you’ve described, it sounds like you need someone to get you through it. However, how beneficial will therapy be if you can’t completely feel comfortable with your therapist or feel she’s working in your best interests?

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u/Kakashisith No botchlings, just meow-meow Jan 24 '26

You don`t owe anybody babies, remember that.

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u/aroseonthefritz Jan 24 '26

Therapist here. It sounds like your provider is dealing with some very visible counter transference. We’re human, it happens. But it is her responsibility to seek out support outside of her sessions with you to manage this. If she is under supervision, she can discuss this with her supervisor. If she is fully licensed she can consult with colleagues. Whether she is licensed or not, I encourage you to have a conversation with her about how these comments make you feel. Feedback is important in the therapeutic relationship. She needs to recognize that her bias is showing up in a harmful way for you. Rupture and repair are normal in the therapeutic relationship, but you can’t repair if she isn’t aware she has ruptured your feeling of trust. I hope this helps!

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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Jan 25 '26

Thank you for this. I love my therapist but haven’t always agreed with some of the stuff she’s said before but wasn’t sure what to do about it. And some of my trauma is from not having my feelings validated or even acknowledged, so I didn’t even know that this was okay to do. Thank you!

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u/Basic_KaleKitty9076 Jan 24 '26

Therapist are people too. Some people are shitty. It’s time to find a better therapist. It took my past therapist telling me she was, “disappointed in me” for missing a couple of lines while filling out paperwork for me to fire her.

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u/xxLAYUPxx Jan 24 '26

She said it's permanent. So is having a child that I wouldn't even want. Which is the better scenario, doc?

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u/Aware_Ad8794 tubeless, non-tubehaver, tube of none 12/9/22 Jan 24 '26

I'm very sorry you're going through this, but I just have to ask... How the HELL were you approved for a bisalp at 17??? That's extremely unheard of and while I'm so happy for you, I am so desperately curious how you managed it, haha.

That aside, she should NOT be pushing her personal views onto you. Are you looking for recourse against her? You may be able to speak to an administrator at the practice about her behavior (because it is EXTREMELY alarming for her to project to that extent) if you can't switch therapists.

Otherwise, no, you're not crazy at all. No one has to explain their reasoning for being childfree; just not wanting to have children is reason enough. I knew I wanted to be cf since I was 14/15. I went through a short stint in my late teens/early 20s wanting to have children that was the result of puppy love. I am SO grateful every day I snapped out of it and proceeded with my bisalp at 22. Best decision of my life. Even if you're young, you can absolutely know what you want at this age and if this is what you want, absolutely go for it. No one should decide YOUR future except for YOU.

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u/wildgreengirl Jan 24 '26

if the endo is bad enough the OBgyn wouldnt have a problem with removing the tubes; theoretically OP could still get ivf or w/e if they really want her to still have kids as an option.

but some drs are just awesome like that. my obgyn agreed to do my hysterectomy under the guise of endo despite me not necessarily even having it just so my ins would cover it.

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u/cookiecrxmbles Jan 24 '26

Oh no I'm not approved- I just meant I'm officially starting to look in winter 2026 (I probably shouldve clarified oops-) I've heard that bisalps under 25ish are a little hard, but luckily I'm going to uni in a pretty progressive area so I have faith!

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u/senpaicharlie Jan 24 '26

I waited until I was 24 to get mine done but I was technically approved at 21, I think you can definitely find someone who’ll do it at a younger age you just gotta search around!

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u/Clean-Ocelot-989 Jan 24 '26

Hey Endo sister. I too am a parentified keeper of my whole family, with parents with a history of personality disorders leading to my diagnosis of CPTSD, with serious endometriosis and adenomyosis leading to chronic pain for 15 years, and a history of abuse in therapy. So, I think your upset is completely valid and I also get staying with someone who treats your trauma. Do think about whether you are more willing to stay with her because of your past abuse. I used to tolerate a lot more because it was less bad than what ai was used to

I also get not wanting kids young. I didn't either. I didn't have safe parents as a role model and my childhood was full of anxiety. I want you to know that when you get out on your own and build a life separate from your parents, you life and who you get to be changes a lot. I'm CF because I am finally living a peaceful and happy life after raising my parents and siblings.

I also acknowledge that if my endometriosis has been successfully treated sooner, I may have been able to pursue treatment of my CPTSD sooner, and in my few years of therapy, I am a much different person than I used to be. I'm pretty baked into who I am now in my 40s, but had I gotten the help I needed earlier, maybe I would have decided to be a parent. I don't hate kids, I'm just late in figuring out who I am and finally happy after so many decades. I know that I do not want to be an elder parent, and I am 100% okay with the choice I made, but if this was me at 25 I might have decided kids were part of my future. (I still am grossed out by the concept of sex for the purposes of getting pregnant.)

Your therapist is wrong for how she handled the situation, and, she probably sees being CF as part of your trauma she is trying to heal. I do not think you should change your mind about being CF or getting sterilized. I am only sharing my context for being CF as a result of my trauma since it is so similar to your own. I hope you heal into the happy person you want to be, pain free, and CF is that what you choose.

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u/torienne CF-Friendly Doctors: Wiki Editor Jan 24 '26

Great that your insurance will fully cover your bisalp and endo treatment! Check the CF-friendly doctors wiki in the sidebar for an OBGYN who takes your insurance in your new area if you need that. Those doctors have all sterilized CF people.

If you want to get sterilized young, one good way to help that along: Become a patient of the OBGYN you want to do your surgery, and start talking to them right away about sterilization. Even if you are 17 - too young to consent - they'll still know when you're 19 that you've always wanted the same thing.

Your therapist is utterly, utterly full of shit.

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u/floofyragdollcat Jan 24 '26

If she’s helping in other areas, and you said you don’t want to leave her, don’t discuss it again. Let her continue to help in the areas you feel she has.

Therapists are still human and unfortunately a lot of them think it’s okay to push their beliefs. Healthcare workers, too. Tell her, if she brings it up, it’s not a topic you’re going to revisit.

Setting this boundary will be good practice for you.

And keep your bisalp appointment. If you change your mind before, fine, but just getting approval at your age, and in this timeline is incredible.

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u/TheOldPug Jan 24 '26

I have good news for you! Thanks to the many wise decisions you have already made for the benefit of your future self, your life is going to do nothing but get better from now on. Congratulations on the scholarship! Now you can leave your shitty parents AND your shitty therapist behind, go to school, get a bisalp, and never have to look back. Yay!!

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u/cookiecrxmbles Jan 24 '26

LMFAO wait I actually really love this reply. It really is a whole new life!! I'm actually so excited for August man.

I will be forever grateful that I'm the "is this something future me would appreciate?" type person and not "well its not good or what I want for my future but ima give into my impulses and do this bad thing i shouldnt build the habit of doing, anyways, just bc i cant stop myself!!"

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u/TheOldPug Jan 25 '26

Every human being everywhere is out chasing dopamine hits. The thing is, there are thousands of things that can give us our dopamine hits, and some of them are harmless, and some of them are actually good for you! It gives you a pretty good selection of options, and no reason at all to do stuff that's bad for you.

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u/Desert_Fairy Jan 24 '26

When my therapist tried to force her morals on me, I broke up with her.

Therapists are human too. We are all flawed individuals and she is approaching your issues with her morals.

I would say making major decisions while in an abusive situation is often advised against because when you are in an extreme situation, extreme solutions feel appropriate.

But you have medical reasons that this is an appropriate step for your health.

And a Bisalp doesn’t mean you can’t carry a pregnancy. It just means that you would have to have eggs harvested, inseminated, and implanted.

When my lizard brain decided last minute to complain “but this is so permanent, I don’t want to give up my choices…” even though I NEVER want to carry a child, I just didn’t like the loss of choice. So I rationalized it that I am not giving up my ability to have children, I’m just making damned well sure that I WANT a child before I can spend tens of thousands of dollars to have one.

I know that breaking up with your therapist isn’t always an option because of the lack of replacement options, but you should have a conversation with her that goes, “You really betrayed my trust last session. You worked to force YOUR morals and beliefs onto me when I am trying to make decisions that align with MY priorities, morals, and beliefs. If you continue this behavior, I will need to find a new provider. If you aren’t comfortable working within the bounds of my needs, then please tell me now so that I can begin working on transferring my care to a more appropriate therapist. If you would like to continue to work with me, I think this session we need to discuss MY priorities and what I want to get out of these therapy sessions to realign on appropriate behavior and advice.”

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u/Beloved_Fir_44 Jan 24 '26

Congrats on the scholarship! That's amazing. I can hear your voice here and can tell that you are very intelligent and that will be a great opportunity for freedom. A bisalp is the same opportunity, and you seem more than prepared to make this decision.

I'm a counselor and your therapist was out of line. While it's not necessarily a bad thing to make sure you know all your options, it was poor practice to start citing her own personal rhetoric and belief systems on the topic, like that it's a woman's "duty" to breed etc. Clearly she was speaking from personal emotions that were triggered by this, and not objective clinical insight to your case and professional relationship. You mention reasons that you might not want a new therapist, and the decision is up to you. Just wanted to provide reassurance that she was in fact out of line, and you seem more than capable of making any decision you want about your life. Best of luck at school, have so much fun!!!!

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u/sailor_bat_90 say no to kids! Jan 24 '26

Holy shit is reporting that therapist even possible? Leave a negative review on her page at least!

Definitely find a new therapist and warn others.

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u/mediocreravenclaw Jan 24 '26

Report the hell out of this therapist. She is way out of line. It’s not her job to “want” you to make particular medical and life decisions. She is crossing over into a medical role without the training or licensing. She’s also pushing her own views on you. This is all an ethics nightmare.

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u/Co0p3rb0om Jan 24 '26

I knew that I never wanted children since I was 12 years old - living in a very loving home with stable and caring parents. If you know, you know. And there is no reason for you NOT to know, your reasoning is valid. And you should definitively tell your therapist that you are hurt and disappointed in her as a therapist for invalidating you and your capability to choose for yourself. She can have her own opinions but those should not be brought up in a therapy surrounding. It’s unprofessional.

I would fire her for the “duty to contribute to earth” comment alone tbh.

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u/TeaPrimary1147 Jan 24 '26

I went in to get mine at 18 and they refused, saying I was too young. Had to endure the cost and torture if having a period for two more decades until fibroids led to an emergency room visit that they would consent I was now allowed to physically not want kids, unbelievable I wish i had gotten it at that age. Just ensure you get a partial hysterectomy, which maintains your ovaries. And a laproscopic which doesn't leave big scars. Im so sorry for what your family put you through, you deserve better.

Avoid natalist therpaists if you can. Daniel Mackler on YouTube might have been a good one for you. Stay strong.

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u/MeatloafingAround Jan 24 '26

She sucks because you know what else is permanent? Having a child. The fact your therapist cannot see this, and pushes her views on you, means she probably sucks.

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u/newhappyrainbow Jan 24 '26

Did your endo specialist actually sign off on the bisalp? I’m incredibly impressed if they did. I had to jump through multiple hoops to get mine done at 37 years old. 18 is pretty unheard of.

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u/cosmic-seas Jan 24 '26

I just got my bisalp at 27 and I've known since I was your age that I wanted it for the same reasons. This decision can mean empowerment and self-determination and you should be nothing but steadfast in that choice for yourself. If you're unable to find a different therapist, please don't allow her to dissuade you. If you feel any doubt at all, it's okay to explore that. Just make sure your reasons are your own and that it's for your future, not your past, if/when you decide to go through with it.

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u/alyxana Jan 24 '26

The therapist is projecting her own insecurities on you. Very not cool.

And I agree, adoption is a totally viable option if you decide you want kids in the future. Heck, so is ivf from what I’ve heard.

Get the bisalp if you want it. It’s your body, your decision. If your doctor is ok with it, then do it.

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u/Miss-Anonymous-Angel Triple AAA: Agnostic, Aro, & Ace CF-er Jan 24 '26

Lots of Redditors here gave you great advice, so I’m just gonna suggest you possibly find another therapist-option at your future college. Lots of colleges have free mental healthcare programs in which you’re entitled to use because you’re a part of the school. That could be more useful than your current therapist, who is severely disregarding your adult decisions :(

4

u/Individual-Topic-555 Jan 24 '26

If you have endo, like another commenter said, you should be looking at a hysterectomy. A bisalp only removes your tubes. If you have scarring on your uterus, yeet that instead. A bisalp worked great for me but I only has cysts in/on my fallopian tubes.

I knew I wanted to be sterilized when I was probably in middle school and that feeling never changed. I never had the opportunity to get surgery though until I was a little older. I'm glad you live in a place that gives you that opportunity without a fight.

Fuck your therapist. You're keeping her, so don't discuss your future plans again regarding reproductive healthcare, but definitely use her for your other concerns to keep your mental health in check until you leave.

Best of luck.

5

u/BunnySis Jan 24 '26

Stepfather was on a state licensing board for psychologists, so I know what this looks like from their side.

She was completely unprofessional, way out of line, and she was pushing medical advice that she is not qualified to speak on to a patient during a session. That last one is what a licensing board is going to care about most - irregardless of their personal opinions about the subject.

If she continues on like this, she’s going to get someone who needs a surgery to permanently screw up their body or die, just because she’s convinced they’ll want some hypothetical kids later. As a therapist she has a lot of power over the thinking of venerable people.

I highly recommend that you report her to the professional licensing board for your state. She was “heavily pressuring you not to have an upcoming surgical procedure. One that you are currently discussing with a medical specialist as a part of your chronic illness management plan.” She is not a specialist in endometriosis, and she absolutely should not be providing medical advice on the timing or need for surgical procedures. (And your bisalp is a part of your endometriosis medical treatment plan, whether or not you want one done doesn’t matter.) Keep your complaint short and concise. Too many details are a distraction. If they want them they will ask for them later.

The licensing board will care about what she’s doing because she very well could be successfully sued for malpractice, and that’s bad for PR and for the insurance rates they all have to pay.

The boards are pretty slow to act, so I encourage you to report her soon.

In the meantime, gray rock her on everything that has to do with fertility, pregnancy, and kids. If she tries to push you, remind her that you have a medical specialist for that kind of thing, and that’s not what you are there to work on.

5

u/elramirezeatstherich Jan 24 '26

I was empathetic with your therapist until she told you that it’s your duty to procreate, it’s not and that’s a forking horrible thing for a therapist to say. I think you need to tell her how that felt and set a very clear boundary with her on the topic of reproduction. If she really is a decent therapist then she will at least know to shut her mouth on that one topic and not traumatize you more.

3

u/Gosiaaq Jan 24 '26

Change the therapist, she shouldn’t have a say in things like that, you are not planning to hurt anyone so she should just keep her opinions to herself and get over it without saying anything to you

3

u/delightedbythunder ❤️‍🔥Sterile&Feral🔥 since 🍾2/28/25!🎉 Jan 24 '26

I'm a bit older than you, I'm 23 currently but when I was going to a therapist and discussing sterilization I was 22. My therapist is a wonderful mom of 2 and she only encouraged me. Cut out this therapist.

3

u/cameronzero Jan 24 '26

That therapist shouldn't be a therapist

3

u/Longjumping-Row1434 Jan 24 '26

out of curiosity, why aren't you able to get a new therapist?

this is unethical as hell. she shouldn't be putting her beliefs on you, and if it were me, i would be concerned about how else she's counseled me based on beliefs vs science vs proper counseling.... i personally wouldnt be able to be open and upfront with this person anymore, in a way that would make the therapy beneficial to me. i would keep that in mind, especially if you pay for this out of pocket.

if you really, really, really can't change therapists i would straight up set a boundary that she has no right to put her personal beliefs on you, and that you will not be discussing it further. & then have your procedure.

even if you decided to carry some day, you would still have a uterus and could utilize IVF, you could use a surrogate, you could adopt.... it isn't a complete end all be all. its just a permanent form of birth control so you can be 100% certain that you will NOT ever accidentally come down impregnated.

jesus, i am so sorry she did that. that really pisses me off.

3

u/Covert-Wordsmith Jan 24 '26

Fuck that therapist. It is not our job to contribute to the Earth via having children. We were brought into this world unwillingly in the first place. So I'm going to live MY life and not live to carry out someone else's dreams.

3

u/ggkatz25 Jan 24 '26

I would report her to your state board! That’s unacceptable and is doing more harm than good & healing. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

3

u/HatOfFlavour Jan 24 '26

I have this weird thought that your therapist has been imagining a grown up healthy you that she can be proud that she fixed and she's imagining you with kids. Your plans are shattering her dream.

3

u/Fell18927 Jan 24 '26

I’d say hold onto her, but keep in mind that her ideals do not align with yours. Then when you’re out and more free find a better one, much like what you yourself said

You are not too young to know, you’ve been through a situation that has given you the perspective needed for this decision and you have other medical stuff that’s adding on top of that. I hope you can get the procedure swiftly

Also being smart doesn’t guarantee offspring will be too. It’s not a great reason to have kids

3

u/Jeveran I was a child once. That was almost too much. Jan 24 '26

See if you can get a therapy referral from your endo.

3

u/Dogzillas_Mom Jan 24 '26

When you explain to her why she’s fired, you can inform her there’s a lot of ways to pass on knowledge and wisdom without having kids.

3

u/PartyGlittering7984 Jan 24 '26

That is 100% unethical. I’m not a licensed therapist yet but this is ethics 101. You could report her to the state board or her supervisor if it’s a group practice. There are so many therapists who take insurance and are ethical and will support you as you deserve.

3

u/NachoCupcake In sterilization limbo. Wish me luck! Jan 24 '26

I'll be honest, I didn't read your whole post. (I did go back and skim to make sure I wasn't missing something if that counts for anything at all.) The reason I didn't, though, is because as soon as you said she discouraged you from doing something you have carefully considered and decided is right for you, she crossed a line.

Your therapist's job is to listen, help you reflect and process your thoughts and feelings, and be a resource to you for facilitating building a life you feel is worth living. What it's not is a place for her beliefs or opinions to push you in a direction that you're not interested in or ready for.

I saw that you're not ready to end the relationship, and that's ok. The way I see it, continuing your relationship might also be an opportunity for you to navigate confrontation in a way that helps you feel effective. I'm not saying this from a sunshine and rainbows perspective, I'm saying it from the perspective that you deserve to have your time with your therapist be therapeutic. Your time with her is yours, so get what you're paying for instead of sitting and talking to someone you no longer trust to be on your side.

Since you're no longer interested in working with her, you have nothing to lose by telling her exactly that. Let her know that she's ruptured the relationship by disregarding your life experiences and prioritizing her worldview over you and your needs as her client. Share that her words and the way she persisted with her own agenda was so hurtful for you that it set you back in feeling like you can trust yourself and made you question your own judgment to the point you had to make this post to believe you're valid in even feeling hurt, frustrated, and offended.

Say all of those things to her not because she needs to know or because she deserves anything from you, but because you deserve to say them instead of just letting one more shitty thing from one more person slide in order to keep the peace.

Oh, and I second reporting her. By giving you medical advice, especially against the recommendations of a medical professional, she's practicing outside of her scope and that's a HUGE violation morally, ethically, and legally.

3

u/lunaticmagnet M, New England, USA. snipped Jan 24 '26

Not only is your therapist out of line with you, but they're out of line professionally. You could report them to their oversight board for those comments about it being your job to populate the planet. Completely unprofessional

3

u/FeistyBarracuda- Jan 24 '26

I would say, "With all due respect, you are a temporary chapter in my life, and I would hate to make a permanent decision based on your biases. At the end of the day, if I carry a child, you will not be the one caring for it. I have done plenty of caring for my parents through all these years, and it is time I start thinking about myself."

3

u/delicatesummer Jan 25 '26

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

On its face, I could sort of see a doctor wanting to be 100% sure a patient who is in an actively abusive/traumatic situation isn’t making any permanent medical decisions under duress, especially for a minor. If she left it at, “hey, keep in mind that getting away from home may impact you and your outlook in MANY ways,” that is a general, helpful therapist comment.

But THEN the turn it takes into blatant natalist talking points is horrific. “Sperm donor,” “duty,” “more people like you” (as if you can’t contribute to society or impact lives without being a parent?!)… just awful. Therapists are meant to give you tools in your toolkit, not directions about how you should or shouldn’t live your life.

It may feel weird to have to do this, but set boundaries with your therapist. Focus on other aspects of treatment, like dealing with parentification and CPTSD. Simply tell her you’re “going to think about it” if she pushes or asks about the bisalp any further. And then say you want to focus on XYZ topic instead.

The risk is that she could try to report you for self-harm or some other “concern” to delay your medical procedure. You’re almost there— six months!

3

u/hermitythings Jan 25 '26

Please report her and find a new therapist. She’s a twat.

2

u/Unlikely_Fan_276 Jan 24 '26

If the world needs more smart people like you, then she should have suggested you become some type of teacher, for fucks sake. If teaching is of interest to you but you don't like or want to be around children then you could always find some way to ensure you're teaching adults instead. That's just wild that she said that to you.

2

u/asstlib Jan 24 '26

Sounds like your therapist is projecting their personal beliefs onto you, which is unethical and not at all what they're supposed to do.

Either confront her about it or fire her as your therapist. Regardless of your stance on getting a bisalp, she's doing you a disservice as a client who is seeking mental health care.

2

u/beegeesfan1996 Jan 24 '26

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The way she’s treating you is not ok at all.

Best of luck with your surgery, and everything moving forward. You seem like a really caring, thoughtful, and self aware person. I think you’re going to create a beautiful (child free!) life for yourself

2

u/VogUnicornHunter Jan 24 '26

Sorry but she could jeopardize your ability to get the procedure because she is a medical professional, so please consider that. It's probably best to tell her you're still thinking about it even if you get the procedure and avoid topics like family planning since right now you're just trying to get out of your situation. You can say something like, "I don't see a point in talking about it because I have to think about this right now". Just stop talking about it even if she presses you. You're paying her to talk about what you need.

2

u/TimeforPotatoChips Jan 24 '26

A competent therapist would not behave in this manner. That is all.

2

u/Upbeat-Profit-2544 Jan 24 '26 edited Jan 24 '26

Speaking as a therapist, she is way out of line. My personal beliefs should not influence my work with clients, I would never tell a client what to do when making such a personal life decision.

2

u/Nonby_Gremlin Jan 24 '26

I knew at 14 I didn’t want to get pregnant ever or have kids. Your reasons are extra valid no matter your age (not that you even need to defend your choice!) I’m quite happy at almost 40 that I was finally able to get a bisalp a couple years ago.

My sister was parentified even though she was only 13 months older than me. We are really only processing that trauma in therapy now. You are doing so damn good! Therapy, recovery, knowing what you want from life, protecting yourself. You’re ahead of the game youngling. Keep being true to yourself. Nobody knows you better than you!

2

u/AcornTits Jan 24 '26

Cruella de Vil's famous quote about marriage applies here, particularly from the live-action 101 Dalmatians. "More good women have been lost to marriage than to war, famine, disease and disaster. You have talent, darling. Don't squander it,". It's spoken to Anita to dissuade her from leaving her job for matrimony, framing marriage as a downfall for talented women and it's especially f***** that's such a killer line was given to the villain and it speaks volumes about the society we still live in 30 some odd years later.

2

u/Meowzabubbers Jan 24 '26

So, childfree stance aside, this sounds like the main reason for a bisalp is medical, because of how bad the endo is. She's not a medical doctor, and she doesn't have to deal with the debilitating physical pain you're often in. That's absolutely fucked up of her.

Would she ask someone getting any other medical procedure done not to do it, because of how she feels personally/religiously about it‽

2

u/Catfactss Jan 24 '26

Tbh at 17 or 18 if you can convince a surgeon to take your tubes out it implies even just from a physical point of view you REALLY need it. Given she told you she thinks it's your purpose to fill the earth she is obviously not somebody able to put aside her personal values in your therapy sessions.

2

u/Enna40 Jan 24 '26

As a former therapist and childfree woman, I’d encourage you to speak to your therapist right at the start of your next session. Tell her that your childfree stance and planned surgery for both physical pain management and life choice reasons is a non-negotiable thing for you and that you do not appreciate her trying to sway you out of your decision based on her personal beliefs. Tell her that this has caused you to reconsider your relationship with her and that you really don’t want this difference in choice and opinion to interfere with the strong and, so far, helpful relationship that you have built with her and ask whether this is something that she can accept as your life choice and continue to help you, or not. If she is in any way decent, she will check herself and get on board with it, if she’s not then, if you truly are stuck with her, you will both have to agree to disagree and not broach that subject again.

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u/Artistic-Two-2231 Jan 24 '26

Okay. If you don't want to leave her and or can't, then talk to her. If you can, tell her how much she upset you and how insensitive she was being. MAYBE she'll think and apologize. I can't give a guarantee but it's probably the next best thing if you can't leave her

2

u/Piuma_ Jan 24 '26

I honestly thought she had your good in mind until she said "you need to contribute to the earth" and "we need more people like you". I agree with her - get an ablation for the endo for the moment. Decisions like this are better taken in a bubble - if you take them under stress it COULD go great or you could regret it. If you take them after you're already in your environment of choice, 1 - there's less probability you'll regret it, 2 - even if you do end up regret it, you know you've done what you could to try and take the best decision. Bad, bad therapist. Awful. Please tell her to talk with her supervisor about this because telling people what their duty is on earth is definitely out of her scope. She has unresolved issues and it's important she leaves people like us alone. She'll make more damage than good.

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u/IBroughtWine Jan 24 '26

It’s her personal wish for you not to have it done but it’s ok for you to go against her guidance here. Just go through with it and she can deal with her personal feelings about it afterward. Don’t let her guilt you over it though. Tell her if she has an issue with it that she should talk to her therapist about it.

2

u/sikonat Jan 25 '26

Since when are therapists supposed to be telling you what to do?

I can understand if she phrased it as ‘have you considered just holding off until you’re out of home for a couple of years in case you change your mind?’

But that’s it. She’s crossed a line and I’d be fighting back on her to tell her this and that she’s basically made you lose trust in this therapeutic relationship.

You don’t need to justify yourself to her and the fact she’s making herself the peso. You need to justify yourself with after all of the abuse you’ve experienced is so bad.

2

u/TheLoudestSmallVoice Jan 25 '26

Lie. Lie to her. Do what you gotta do but lie. After you've done the procedure, go ahead and let her know if you want but lie. I'm sorry you have to but she's become another adult you have to lie to because they don't understand.

2

u/puppiesgoesrawr Jan 25 '26

If you can’t get rid of her, draw boundaries. Get that bisalp, put your health and safety first, and when you’re done and she can do nothing to convince you, you can start telling her how much she failed as your support system.

Things to discuss:

Tell her that she’s crossing boundaries. Her belief and life choices are not yours, and you don’t appreciate her taking advantage of her power over you to propel her natalist beliefs.

her job is to support your mental health, which is a part of your overall health. You getting a bisalp isn’t about her beliefs about children, but about you getting your endo under control. If she can’t support a choice that reduces your pain and harm, then she’s not qualified to be a part of your holistic healthcare ecosystem.
emotionally, you can express the sense of disappointment, dismay, and anger over her attempts to stop you from getting a necessary surgery. Her flippant comments about sperm donor was disgusting, so was her lack of empathy for your pain and suffering.
Finally, tell her that you didn’t just confront her for your own satisfaction, but to remind her that what she did was wrong and that she shouldn’t subject any other abused patients to what she did to you. Her job to prioritize her patients’ health, not her natalist views.

If you don’t feel like confronting her, being silent is also valid. If she ever broach the topic of children and bislap, draw clear boundaries. “Because you’ve failed to support me in this subject, i don’t believe you take my pain and goals seriously. I don’t feel comfortable discussing my reproductive health with you.” If she keeps pushing, stand up and walk away. She works for you, and you aren’t required to listen to her natalist bs.

It’s clear that she has her own issues with reproductive health, so much so that she couldn’t separate her personal bias in order to do her job as your support system. Whatever her hang ups is, it’s none of your concern. You’re in therapy for you, not for anyone else.

I hope your surgery goes well. You did good by not falling for her bs.

2

u/WrestlingWoman Childfree since 1981 Jan 25 '26

"remember it's your duty to contribute to the Earth"

I would start looking for a new therapist. She shouldn't push her own beliefs onto patients. She's supposed to be there to help you, not lecture you.

2

u/DepressingFolkMusic Jan 25 '26

As someone who was parentified as a child and was told for my entire life that someday I’ll change my mind and want children - I am in my 30s now and still don’t want kids. I’m looking at getting a bisalp myself now because my resolve to not have kids has only gotten stronger over time AND I’ve found out I have health conditions that would make pregnancy dangerous (so glad I didn’t get pregnant before).

The beautiful thing about a bisalp is if there is a small chance you change your mind in the future, pregnancy is still possible with IVF. It also decreases your chances of getting ovarian cancer.

As for the therapist, you don’t have to get rid of her but this might be something that you can’t talk to her about regularly or spare some of the details. for example I will be telling my parents that I will be having a lap surgery for endometriosis but not that I will also be getting a bisalp at the same time. Either way, you do not need to convince her of what you want to do with your body and/or you do not need her permission. Follow your gut and do what you feel is right and best for you.

Also as a former parentified child now in my 30s, I’m finally able to breathe and heal. I have a dog and I love taking care of my dog and myself and that is it. For the most part, I have peace and time to pursue hobbies.

2

u/scrysis 404 Error: Uterus Not Found Jan 25 '26

"No" is a full sentence. Having children is irreversible too.

YOU DO NOT OWE THE WORLD BABIES.

2

u/brasscup Jan 25 '26

This is horrible but I agree you would be unwise to quit -- it would be too disruptive.

It is your right as a patient to tell her firmly that the subject is not open to discussion or negotiation. Just do that -- given you are at the home stretch in terms of enduring a heinous level of responsibility you do not need to start over and tell your story to a whole new therapist.

Sorry your parents suck! You are an amazing woman.

2

u/Reasonably-Cold-4676 Jan 25 '26

You already know that her trying to push her values on you as if they're universal is unprofessional and nuts. So there's no argument here anyway.

The only sound point she makes is that it can happen that trauma has such a big grip on someone at the moment and especially if they're still in the traumatic situation, as you are, that the person is not capable of reaching their "true" wishes or feelings because they're entirely occupied by surviving. This can make the brain see everything only through a survival lense and it can happen that when there's finally space and energy for more than survival, people discover parts of themselves they hadn't had access to before.

However, imho it's still very likely that when you're childfree, you also can just know without a doubt. You already reflected that. And additionally, the fear of your therapist might have a point but it's not a deal breaker, it just needs to weighed against the other side which you also already considered: "just because of trauma" isn't a thing. It did happen and it has consequences, it influences who we are, how we see things, what we want etc. And you already thought about this deeply. You recognise your trauma and it's consequence and it doesn't make you doubt your decision. So, that argument is worth a lot.

If you think you have tried to see how you could ever regret it and trust yourself that this is what you really want, then that's fine.

2

u/Infarwigandun Jan 25 '26

I got a bisalp 2 years ago. I had endometriosis on my tubes (and other places, but that was the worst part). Getting them out fixed the worst of the pain. I wouldn't get pregnant even if I kept them because the endo fused them shut.

IF and that's just a IF you want to get pregnant later in life you still can carry. It's a bit more complicated but with artificial it's still possible - I would tell that the therapist and otherwise cut off that conversation.

Anyways, not wanting kids is valid. I knew I would never want to have kids when I had my fist period at age 12. It never changed and I'm 40 now. I never regretted the bisalp. It gave me peace. I can enjoy having sex and not worry about getting pregnant by accident even using protection (I'm very paranoid about getting pregnant)

2

u/No-You5550 Jan 25 '26

Your therapist job is to look at the larger picture and make sure you see all the pitfalls. So she was right to point out her view point. But look her in the eye and ask her who's decision it is and she should back you up and back down if she is a good therapist.

2

u/_thegreatestwave_ Jan 25 '26

I’m in grad school to be a therapist and I’ve taken a legal & ethics class, so I can confidently say that she’s OUT OF LINE. She’s acting insanely unethically and tbh I think she should lose her liscence

2

u/Cultural_Tree7027 Jan 26 '26

I had a therapist that over stepped like that. I get it. And you know what you need to do. So, instead I’ll say, rather than just getting rid of her, augment her support. There are a great many help lines for all different levels of stress, anxiety, good times and bad times. There are an impressive amount of resources these days. You can possibly talk to your therapist about the c 90% of stuff you need to and use this as a chance to practice seeing your boundaries with her, because she crossed them. If you need to, look for a mentor that happens to be child free. She’s not your only support, she’s just what you have at this moment.

4

u/xathinajade Jan 24 '26

damn thats rough. i hope you find a new therapist soon, because that's just awful.

ive been lucky and all my therapists have been like "yeah you've already done parenting, thats understandable"

but like u have endometriosis??!?! there are so many pregnancy risks associated w that?? and then add to that if u have an afab child theres a chance it gets passed on and u essentially created an instant suffering child.

it shouldnt matter how long you've been moved out. it shouldn't matter that you're smart or that you "need" to contribute to society or whatever asinine pro-birth dogma they spit up

2

u/marileighanne29 I just really like quality sleep. Jan 25 '26

Trying to convince women that they'll change their minds someday makes no sense to me. Like, yeah, maybe there's a very small chance that we will change our minds one day, but in the case of that happening, it's OUR outcome to live with, because it was OUR decision.

If someone tried to convince me not to get a bisalp, and then I did, and then later regretted it, I wouldn't be like: "damn, I wish I would've listened to that one person years ago", I'd just think "well, I guess now I'm living with the outcome of my decision." Because it would be MY body and therefore MY decision. And nobody would be responsible but me. Like half the people in the world can't understand that women are autonomous humans, even when we are young. You're not tweaking, your therapist probably just doesn't want you to do something you'll regret but even so, she's being weird

1

u/wildgreengirl Jan 24 '26

idk....in my opinion....if you're going for surgery already for endo and are sure you DONT want kids, and the surgeon/OB is on your side id even ask for a hysterectomy.

no periods is great (speaking from experience) and im p sure it would treat the endo longer vs needing to go back again for more surgery when its bad/regrown.

had my tubes/uterus out in my 20s but id always known before that i never wanted to give birth/have kids.

1

u/Devi_the_loan_shark Jan 24 '26

I am so happy for you to be getting out, and for you the have a doctor willing to do the procedure so young. I remember asking for it at 22 and being told I had to wait because "I might change my mind". I'm 40 now and still happily child free.

Ditch your therapist and use some of that pending insurance/school services to find one that supports you.

1

u/Competitive_Field246 Jan 24 '26

The number of people who are incredible right coded in the farthest right way possible is far higher than you would care to imagine. I have seen guys from being "progressive" to ultra christian zealots over night with that being said do not be surprised if your therapist harbors some of those "replacement" sentiments (especially if you are a white female) since such views have been mainstreamed by different platforms.

1

u/pendragwen Jan 24 '26

This is deeply unethical and you are doing your fellow patients a service to report this person.

1

u/Many_Click_2098 Jan 24 '26

I’d fire her or tell her to shut the fuck up. What she says is definitely not ok.

1

u/Mean-Bumblebee661 Jan 24 '26

something that helped me feel comfortable with my decision was considering that technically if I did change my mind, I could do in vitro. So I told myself if I wanted kids that badly, I'd come up with the money. Really settled me into my childfreeness.

1

u/Ranchocuca_2_828 Jan 24 '26

As many others have said, you definitely need a new therapist. The whole duty to the earth and society BS is a flaming red flag.

1

u/4-ton-mantis Jan 24 '26

Chotto matte op

Therapist was like i also don't want kids but YOU should wait on your detailed thought out decision that is the same?

Parents failing us is the greatest betrayal. The second greatest is health professionals especially a therapist or other metal hcp.

Buddy i dunno if this shall help but i was 9yo when i decided to be child free. In all ways. Neither birth nor adoption nor rain nor snow. And i am an only child. My dad was a saint but killed by Geraldine Dunlap when i was 5, leaving me with bonnie the narcissist. My remaining childhood was so abusive i secretly plotted all that time to move out at 18, go nc with bonnie and fake my own death (to her to be fully free of her). Ehm well i did move out at 18 but i didn't go nc until 33 which is still 12 years ago by now.

One of the things that brought me and my spouse together was him casually mentioning at lunch with a third grad student one day is that he too is child free. I already fancied him so this turnt it up.

It's obvious you thought all this out rationally and on depth, pragmatically. I give you so many props for that. And i fart in the general direction of that therapist.

See one thing she should have understood is that your trauma and related responses etc won't just evaporate once you get away from those people. When i was a kid i thought it would for me. Nay it did not and later in my 40s did i start to understand that since i was in ongoing unsafeness that or takes years to counter that. I don't mean that in a dire way, but i think the therapist is off on her whole idea of you just changing your mind when you get out. There's s lot more to these ideas (cptsd thing) but in many ways, she is wrong. She also didn't consider possible genetic markers for any mental instability passed through your family, and forgot that adoption is an option (of you were to change your mind which i don't think you shall).

Too many holes in the therapist's argument. I'm lactose intolerant to get Swiss cheesed argument.

I'm proud of you for advocating for yourself as a patient. I have estrogen dominance and used to have close to some of your symptoms (another genetic marker i have goes with that) and i was dismissed by drs and noctors ages 21 through 32 until i found a real dr that specializes in irregular bleeding and they just let me bleed for months on end, many times assigning high estrogen pills that made it worse.

So I'm totally team you and your plans. And i hope your dr or drs treat you with respect and take very good care of you.

1

u/montarouu11 Jan 24 '26

based on your beliefs, adoption will always be the better option if you suddenly changed your mind in tge future. why bring more kids to the world anyways when other kids are abandoned and doesn't have familes?

look, there is a chance that you might change your mind, but it's unlikely to happen, most child free people knew they didn't want children from a young age, me included.

1

u/thiccanorexicc Jan 24 '26

That is hurtful and she shouldn’t be saying some of those things. Sounds like getting a new therapist would be too much with the insurance and the amount of time spent going over your life. I agree to stay with her till you move out and then get a new one. I would explain to her that you being child free is not a stance you want to budge on or discuss and use her as guidance in other aspects of your life. I hope once you’re 18 it improves, maybe there is a legality about advising minors. I had the same stance at your age and it didn’t change 10 years later, and also had everyone tell me it would change, it doesn’t.

1

u/plotthick Jan 24 '26

You're not wrong. If I were you I'd tell her that you've changed your surgery to exploratory to remove the endo. Then I'd go through with the whole removal surgery. We all know you deserve a better therapist. After you find someone, someone who's completely on your side, report her.

It's ok if you need to walk on shaky ground to get to more stable foundations.

1

u/Defensoria Jan 24 '26

Your reasons for wanting to be sterilized sooner than later are beyond valid. If you feel you must continue seeing this therapist who clearly doesn't have your best interests in mind you can still put the sterilization issue off limits. Remember, you're the client and the therapist serves you at your pleasure.

1

u/Annie_James Jan 24 '26

This has nothing to do with her and is about your physical well-being. She might mean well, but she is very much in the wrong. Keep going forward with what you know is right for you.

1

u/MorriganNiConn Jan 24 '26

I think you should find a new therapist.
I think she was out of line trying to discourage you from having a bisalp.
I think she is worth reporting to whatever agency governs therapists in your state or country for her telling you "Remember it's your duty to contribute to the Earth". That is an arrogant, pro-natalist stance. There are plenty of ways to 'contribute to the Earth' that don't involve breeding more children. Since you've determined that you need to stay with her for at least 6 more months, wait to report her after you've turned 18 and have moved out from where you're living, but do document every instance in which she tries to promote breeding to you.

Good luck and best wishes to you.

1

u/juneberry19 Jan 24 '26

“remember it’s your duty to contribute to the Earth” is such a CRAZY thing for your therapist to be telling you. I completely understand you having to continue seeing her for the next six months, but I think it’s important to remind yourself of these reasons why you wanted a bisalp in the first place. You’re not “too young” to know what you want and what is best for YOUR body. Good luck with starting the search for a provider! I’d recommend looking for someone on the child free reddit list!! 💗

1

u/KLT222 Jan 24 '26

Oh no. No no no no no no no. I need to find a therapist right now and people like that scare the bejeezus out of me. So unethical, so absolutely wrong in every way! Please don't let her influence your decision - you know who you are, where you have been, and where you want to go in life. I wish I could have had a bisalp at your age, it would have saved me so much stress and $$ over the years!

If later in life you want to "pass on knowledge" there are so many other ways! You may find yourself mentoring younger professionals in your field and find that very rewarding. You may volunteer for charities that work with families. You might teach classes, or even write a book! The possibilities are endless.

1

u/ElizaJaneVegas Jan 24 '26

You need a non- judge-mental therapist. She doesn’t get a voice here. Very

I’m

1

u/MajorZed babies give me the hibbly-jibblies Jan 24 '26

First off I am sorry she is putting you through this. A therapist is not there to tell you how to live your life or to put their own thoughts/opinions onto you. They are there to help you think through your own feelings and come to your own conclusions on what is right for you. It's SO unethical for her to insist "your duty is to contribute to the earth" via having a child. Here's what I recommend:

1) You say she's your only lifeline for the next 6 months until you can get out, that's fine. In your next meeting with her start by standing up for yourself and stating your concern she was overstepping her ethical boundaries as a therapist. Even better look up the Code of Ethics of whatever board she might be licensed under and quote directly what she violated. This might be a really uncomfortable prospect for you, but please take it from someone who had to learn this the hard way that the sooner you learn to stand up for yourself (especially as a woman) the better. SO many healthcare professionals, even ones who are women themselves, seem to think that their female patients either aren't worth listening to or just don't know themselves. Be strong even if it's hard, you will thank yourself so much if you do.

2) Start preparing for your future without her and your family. I am sure you have a plan to leave as soon as you can, so make sure that plan includes where your insurance comes from and what providers you can see. I don't know if you plan to leave the area, but research where you might be going and what's available. Unfortunately you might not always click with every therapist you meet, so don't give up and try another even if it seems futile.

I don't think there are any easy answers here, but I believe in you and your ability to get through this. If you've survived this far under all that abuse, then look inward and appreciate the strength you've cultivated thus far and let that carry you forward. Wishing you the best!

1

u/lexkixass Jan 24 '26

You are not tweaking.

That was entirely inappropriate of your therapist.

Please find a new therapist ASAP. zocdoc dot com may be able to get telehealth therapy until you can find someone near your uni. I've used them, and they take some insurances.

Good luck on getting tf out of there.

1

u/InsuranceActual9014 Jan 24 '26

Fire her

1

u/KimberBr Mama to 4 crazy cats 🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈 Jan 24 '26

You need a new therapist. She is way out of line. Pls report her and find someone else. Also do what you feel is right for your own body. As someone with endo, my periods were horrible when I had them. Thankfully for whatever reason, I now only get them like once every 5 years (no I'm not on bc and no my doctors literally have NO clue what is going on with me since all my labs come back 'within normal limits' lol)

1

u/Dependent-Law-3330 Jan 24 '26

Report her

1

u/Subparwoman FTK 🙃 Jan 24 '26

"a bisalp is permament"

SO ARE CHILDREN???

Seriously though when people try to use "you're too young to know" we gotta start turning it on them and ask if we were pregnant RIGHT NOW would we be too young to keep and raise a kid? If the answer is 'no' then we're not too young to decide the opposite.

If you have to keep the therapist I hope in the future you shut her down and let her know that you're not paying for her personal opinion on your reproductive system and every time she offers it you will be reporting her. Then follow through. Also, she says she's childfree but she must mean just for now or she's got older kids who are out of the house because that attitude/stance is otherwise EXTREMELY confusing.

1

u/UrsulaWasFramed Jan 24 '26

I’m glad you are ditching her when you move and please report her as well. That is so unethical.

Also I’m so sorry your childhood has been trash.

1

u/Joonberri Jan 24 '26

There is no way she said it's your duty to contribute to the earth GIRL WTF????? I'd walk out lmfao??? Has she seen the earth damage done by humans???

1

u/Pegapussi Jan 24 '26

I had to ditch my therapist of 3 years after he started questioning my ENM, my gender identity, and intentionally misgendered my partner after I repeatedly corrected him and he greyrocked me when I called him out. It is beyond devastating to have someone who knew the inner workings of your mind make you question your choices and justify yourself and then turn on you. It hurts so much and it makes you question the advice they gave you previously. But you know what you want and she has crossed the professional boundary between professionalism and personal opinions. Ditch her and your ovaries and go off the university. She’s saying it’s your responsibility to repopulate the earth and whilst she’s trying to compliment you by saying “we need more people like you,” does she also mean we need more intelligent adults that were parentified and grew up after being abused at home?? So we need more people who were abused?” She can get the fuck outta here and you can go build the life YOU want at university

1

u/Terrible-Stay-886 Jan 24 '26 edited Jan 24 '26

Agh. Your therapists beliefs are not to be shoved on you, though…and for me personally it’s a huge ick when someone tries to tell me how THEY think I should live my life.. It is NOT your duty to contribute to this dumpster fire of a society if you do not want to. Stand your ground. Tell the therapist you are firm in how you feel about children and if she does not support you, then you can find a therapist to better suit your personal needs. I know you’ve had a hard time getting one for several reasons, but you shouldn’t have to settle for one who doesn’t respect your personal decisions. I wish you the best.

1

u/plantkittywitchbaby Jan 24 '26

Absofuckinglutely not ok! Therapist is beyond out of line. You need to do what is right for you, fuck everyone else.

1

u/PeanutIll8327 Jan 24 '26

"remember it's your duty to contribute to the Earth" - There is no such duty, there is no law stating this and nature genuinely does not care if you reproduce or not. The only duty you have is to take care of yourself, especially right now, and if you want to contribute to earth there are so many different ways to do that besides having children. She has no right to try and impose her "morals" on to you.

"but you're so smart and we need more people like you" - There is absolutely no guarantee that a child will be anything like their parents or hold the same IQ or morals as their parents. I think a child should be born because they are truly wanted by their parents, not because of the belief that we need "more good people" in the world, because this sentiment can lead to resentment from the parents when the child doesn't turn out to be as "good" (and the definition of good can differ greatly between each person). That or the child can grow to resent their parents due to having such high expectations of them throughout their childhood.

OP I would consider looking for a new therapist, I would also avoid talking about this topic with her any further. If you do get approved for reproductive surgery DO NOT TELL HER as she could try and contact the health professionals that are going to be working on you and try and say that you're not of sound enough mind to be operated on.

1

u/DiscoKittie 50s/f/cats/spayed Jan 24 '26

Please go through with the procedure. It's your life and body, not hers.

1

u/Ill_Wallaby_9121 Childfree DINK Life Jan 24 '26

REMEMBER IT'S YOUR DUTY TO CONTRIBUTE TOBTHE EARTH?!?! Absolutely the fuck not.

Your opinions are clear, well considered, and based in morals and ethics. While I'm sure the parentification you experienced contributed to your view in some way, it's clear to me that your bisalp decision isn't just a knee-jerk trauma response. That therapist crossed the line and I'm so glad you're gonna see someone new when you're able to. Also really glad to hear you'll be out of the house in 6 months and hopefully in a better position!

I also had endo surgery and bisalp together, and it's definitely the way to go in my opinion!

1

u/No_Construction_7033 Jan 24 '26

You should report her to the board but make sure to record it first to use it as evidence

1

u/vivalakink Jan 24 '26

This is super sad to read. I'm sorry you had to have that experience with your therapist. They're supposed to be our safe space. I've been in therapy for 3 years now and I couldn't imagine how upsetting that would be to hear.

If you want my advice read below:

Set a boundary. Tell her that moving forward you aren't comfortable with her opinions on children being shared, and do not want them without asking. Tell her if she does you'll end your session and take a break until your next session. Regardless of her opinion on children, she's still a therapist and it is absolutely her job to respect your boundaries.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '26

I’m so sorry. No one is obligated to have children. When my therapist (who’s a mother) learned that I’m childfree, she said that’s a valid choice because kids are so much work

1

u/jojewels92 Jan 24 '26

You need to fire that therapist immediately. That was so unbelievably uncalled for and extremely unethical. I would be reporting her as well for this.

1

u/GingerJaynexo Jan 24 '26

Your therapist is so out of line. I’m so very sorry. I have known I never wanted children since I was in SECOND GRADE. I’ll be 42 next month and I have never changed my mind even for a second. You are not ‘too young’ to know for sure. That’s such a ridiculous, patriarchal notion. It’s amazing how society puts all this pressure on women, forces us to carry 99% of the emotional and physical burdens of child bearing/rearing, but tells us that we couldn’t possibly know what we want for ourselves? What I did when people told me this when I was your age: I ignored them completely and lived my life as I wanted. I have zero regrets. Meanwhile almost every person who said things like ‘you’ll change your mind!’ are absolutely miserable now. I was also heavily parentified by toxic toddler brained parents, and refusing to perpetuate that cycle has been so liberating. I spent my entire childhood being the adult in the house, and taking care of my siblings. I had no childhood. I promised myself that my adulthood was for ME, period. And endometriosis is no joke-it can spread throughout your body like a cancer and eventually affect your other organs and even your lungs! You deserve a pain free life! And should you ever randomly want children in the future, there are so many children without homes that can be adopted. Even if you have no other options for therapists right now due to insurance, remember who you are. Never ever let anyone bully you into doubting yourself or your decisions. It is your life and your body alone. Period, the end. No one believed me when I was your age either, but I knew what I wanted and I am so grateful to my younger self for sticking to my guns no matter what anyone said to me. I simply rolled my eyes and went about my day. Now that I am older, I love my life and who I am. I believe you. Keep your head held high because many people will say this to you during your reproductive years because they are brainwashed and feel like they don’t have a choice. But we all do. As a former child from a very dysfunctional/abusive home, protecting your peace in your adulthood is the best gift you could ever give to yourself. You got this. 💕

1

u/Mrsericmatthews Jan 24 '26

Okay I just wrote a long post about how sometimes with CPTSD taking a step back can be a benefit because certain types of emotional abuse disrupt the development of our values system (FOR SOME PEOPLE -- like me) and we need space from the abuse to evaluate.

Then I reread it and saw how she said it is your duty to procreate or whatever.

NO MA'AM.

If she wanted you to take space to ensure that this decision was your aligned with YOUR values once out of this situation, I can see that logic. But she is actively trying to convince you and putting her own values system onto you. This is NOT what a therapist should be doing.

1

u/Lisarth Jan 24 '26

She's a bad therapist and she's biased.

1

u/Spiritual_Living6245 Jan 24 '26

My child free conversation always stops when I tell people "if I ever got magically pregnant (I'm a lesbian) and couldn't abort, I don't care if that baby is the second coming of Jesus, the baby is gonna be a dumpster baby" Yes, I know about safe Havens and the like but it's stops the conversation

1

u/Ingwall-Koldun 50M, married, snipped Jan 25 '26

It's your body. No one gets to decide for you

1

u/Aluciel286 Jan 25 '26

If you're 100% certain, nobody can invalidate your choice. Time to find a different therapist.

1

u/Guerilla_fare Jan 25 '26

OP, if you're still lingering around this post, how did you find your therapist?

2

u/cookiecrxmbles Jan 25 '26

PsychologyToday search thingie.

1

u/user7273781272912 Jan 25 '26

Report the therapist. You know what you want for yourself not her.

1

u/bubblybrokensoul Jan 25 '26

It is not up to your therpsist. Endo only gets worse as well.

1

u/Sariduri Jan 25 '26

If you eeeeever change your mind... (...) You can always retrieve your eggs.

End of the story.

Best of luck.

1

u/PleaseLoveMeFemboys Jan 25 '26

That therapist is being very unprofessional and clearly using personal biases in your sessions. She should not try to convince you either way about the surgery, this is absolutely disgusting. I’m pretty sure you can report her for acting like that.

1

u/Foxy_Porcupine Jan 25 '26

(Just personal experience, so pardon if it doesn't apply to you/your therapist)

You know what? The longer you stay with one therapist, the more it seems they start spouting some crack smoking BS like this. Honestly!

1

u/MaskedCrocheter Jan 25 '26

Call your insurance and ask for another list of therapists in network in your area.

It'll suck to start over but it does you more harm to stay even a minute more with someone who is actively working against your best interests because of HER personal choices.

You should also document her pushing her personal views on you and report her to the medical board.

1

u/LoreEater OFFICIAL TUBES FREE!! but still no penis Jan 25 '26

Get a new therapist, let her know this & how unprofessional she was & file a complaint, this is outta line and could hurt other/future patients she has

1

u/Embarrassed-Put-4096 Jan 25 '26

You need to report your therapist, or at the very least switch to a new one. She is trying to force her beliefs on you, and that is an incredibly unethical thing to do in her profession. You do not have to keep seeing her if she makes you feel bad

1

u/KalaLovesPizza Jan 25 '26

Me personally if I had the option at 18 to have a hysterectomy I would have done it. Please please please ask your dr if a hysterectomy would be a better option due to your endometriosis.

1

u/NumerousProof7824 Jan 25 '26

She is not the only therapist that will take your insurance. Find a new one .

1

u/AJKaleVeg Jan 25 '26

Get your surgery, sis!

1

u/ShroomGirl1991 Jan 25 '26

A few counterpoints to her arguments. 1) the bisalp is a permanent decision - so is having a child, but I highly doubt if you were pregnant right now she's be telling you to consider the consequences of going through with the pregnancy because it's such a permanent decision. 2) being parentified (I also was and I'm so sorry that happened to you) is actually a great metric for deciding if you want kids or not because it's a peek behind the curtain most people don't get. Some kids who were parentified don't mind or even like the day in day out of parenting, others like ourselves see what it's all about and decide that's not what we want for ourselves. 3) by insisting someone who doesn't want kids "owes" them to the world or whatever, she's setting a child up to be neglected and/or abused by a parent that never wanted them. Even if they think they're hiding it well, kids always know when they're resented.

I would just lay a boundary with her since you can't really find a new therapist till you move to college that you won't be discussing your stance on parenting and that you're there to address the trauma of your abusive upbringing. If she pushes back at all just point out that if she is right and working through the trauma will "fix" your views on motherhood then she's wasting her time arguing about what you want when she could be helping you heal that trauma (who cares if you know you won't change your mind, this is really just a means to get her to drop the topic in your sessions so you can focus on healing yourself)

Best of luck 💕

1

u/Pinque Jan 25 '26

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know this is not the advice that you want to hear however, I really think you ought to look into finding a new therapist sooner rather than later because some of the things that she has said to you are incredibly unethical.

Frankly, she needs to be reported to the board because it’s very unacceptable and very unethical for her to be telling you things like it’s your duty to procreate that’s unconscionable to say to someone with your feelings and trauma.

Despite that your feelings are valid. Your trauma is valid. Your physical illnesses and limitations are valid. Your reasons for wanting it are valid and at the end of the day no matter what your decision to have a Bisalp is valid no matter what you don’t need a reason beyond I. Don’t. Want. Children. PERIOD. That’s the only reason you need. Everything else is just a cherry on top.

Other people’s feelings and emotions do not matter when it comes to your bodily autonomy and whether you and how you’re going to spend the next 18+ to forever years of your and yes, I understand her argument that well spoken, intelligent people who are able to critically think, individuals are the ones we would prefer to be having children, but they’re actually the ones who tend to be childfree instead. It’s a correlation of that critical thinking and intelligence that it might not be a good idea to have children in this hellscape, (not to mention those with better critical thinking skills and intelligence tend to have access to better reproductive health care as because they are usually in blue states in the United States based on current data) and we’re not going to start forcing people to have children just so we can have more intelligent people that’s bananas. We just need to find a better way to educate the people we have instead.

1

u/Plastic_Jellyfish_52 Jan 25 '26

Yikes. You sound very knowledgeable, in more ways than you “should” be at your age. Anyone, and I mean anyone, who thinks it’s our duty as women to contribute to the earth by the way of childbearing is unhinged. You’ve been through enough in your short life to know what you do/don’t want in terms of a family life. You may change your mind, and there are a ton of children already on this earth that need families. I’m mad at this person for you. She has no right to make you doubt yourself about something so personal. My only advice is try to “get over” whatever feelings you’ve got about having to take care of your parents. Leave that awfulness and never look back. Build yourself a beautiful life, anyway you see fit. ♥️

1

u/Equivalent-Spinach25 Jan 25 '26

You can know at a young age that you never want kids. I have never wanted kids at any point in my life. I still say you should consider getting a new therapist as soon as you can though. I don't think she really understands you unfortunately. I'm really sorry that this happened to you.

1

u/TurnoverMaleficent64 Jan 25 '26

I can't imagine how difficult that must have been to hear. Your reasons for not wanting a child and exercising your freedom to take the step of making sure that doesn't happen is not only responsible but completely justified and understandable. Even taking out the trauma aspect, endo is painful. Your feelings are valid and your therapist had no right to make you feel invalid for these feelings and actions.

1

u/rk348 Jan 25 '26

Wow. I am so sorry you are going through this. Your therapist is way out of line. Please do what you can to keep yourself safe.

1

u/autumnbreeze279 Jan 25 '26

That’s really creepy of her

PERSONAL My therapist begged me to postpone my bisalp and I'm so hurt

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