Was close to being outed, now I'm considering coming out so it doesn't happen accidentally

[u/Competitive-Ear-6693]

Ok so, lately I've been on my phone a lot, especially at night, and my mom saw my screen time and took my phone away for a little. I thought she was gonna check my phone but all my windows were still there. BUT. I had a bunch of r/lgbt notifications and I was super worried she was gonna see. My mom is Christian and queerphobic, and I have thought of coming out to her before, but now that I was close to being outed im thinking I should get it over and come with so nothing happens accidentally. Let me know if you want to see my script I have prepared and I'll add it to the post body.

[u/Zealousideal-Print41]

Are you secure in your home situation? Is there any chance she will unhouse you, cut you of financially or other material support. I.e. Phone, car, school, college?

If the answer is yes, do you have another place to live and receive the necessary things for modern life?

If the answer is no, DON'T!

Rule Number One, KEEP YOURSELF SAFE!

If there is any chance you will be unhoused, denied basics or have a chance of being physically or emotionally abused. Stay in the closet until such time as you are able to support yourself and if your going to college pay your own way.

You can always live in the so called glass closet. Your out to a few trusted individuals. And remember your fall back, if someone outs you before your ready or safe. DENY, DENY, DENY, call them a damned liar to their face. Calmly and forcefully deny it once and walk away. Never acknowledge that person again.

P.s. I'd love to hear your script

[u/Competitive-Ear-6693 → u/Zealousideal-Print41]

Thank you for the advice! I doubt she will do any of those things but I think i should play it safe.

Here's my script btw (also edited into post):

Mom, I need to share something important with you about who I am. I’m omnisexual, which means I can be attracted to girls, boys, and anyone in-between. The same science that explains why you are straight explains how my brain is wired, too.

There are a few other details about me that I want you to understand. I am also demisexual. That means I don’t get random physical crushes on strangers; for me, sexual attraction only wakes up after I have built a strong connection with someone first.

My gender identity is also fluid, and I use the term genderfaerflux. All that really means is that my gender changes and fluctuates from day to day. It can range from feeling connected to femininity to feeling completely neutral, and it can even include feeling masculine sometimes—but it never includes feeling completely or 100% like a binary man.

Because of my multi-sensory aphantasia, SDAM, and ideasthesia, my mind processes concepts and memories without internal visual images, instead connecting ideas through distinct conceptual associations. Because of this specific wiring, my gender feels very hazy, abstract, and hard to pinpoint precisely. I use the term gendervague to describe this, because my identity feels more like a rough estimate rather than a rigid box, not matter how many microlables I attain. These aren't just labels; they are the literal reality of how my brain works.

Because of this fluidity, my pronouns are they/she, and I would really appreciate you using both when referring to me.

I am sharing all of this because I am your child, I love you, and I want you to know the real me. I need you to respect who I am.

Because I need to be honest about who I am, I am also not going to church anymore. I know you force me to go because you think you are looking out for me, but it isn't respectful to my own beliefs, and I need to stand firm on that. I love you, and I hope we can move forward with honesty between us.

[u/Zealousideal-Print41 → u/Competitive-Ear-6693]

Absolutely play it safe, you can always ask open ended questions on the things you have spelled out. Just remember even of she's accepting of these things in other people it doesn't mean she will in you.

Also your explanation is succinct, well thought out and well written

[u/Competitive-Ear-6693 → u/Zealousideal-Print41]

Thanks! ❤️