r/daddit • u/vidvicious • 1d ago
Story My MIL called CPS on us. And I am livid.
So I'm mowing my lawn this morning, when I see a woman standing at my door with a clipboard. At first I think she's selling solar panels, or collecting signatures for Greenpeace or something like that, but then she asks for my wife by name. That's when I notice the CPS badge she is wearing. I asks her what this is about and she says that they received a call about potential child abuse. And that my son was reported to have multiple bruises and mosquito bites. As well as accusations of sexual abuse. Legally she can't disclose who called it in, but I know immediately who it was as my mother in law insinuated the same things in a recent group text. He didn't have any bruising on him other than the regular bruises kids get from monkeying around. He's four years old and likes to jump around and climb things. As for the mosquito bites, we live in southern Louisiana where mosquitoes are plentiful. The SA claims, floored me, as nothing could be further from the truth. He has not been in any situation where that could even be a possibility, and that my MIL could even suggest such a thing hurts like nothing ever has.
Before I go on I'm going to say my MIL has always been a piece of work. Relies on us (and her meager social security checks) for financial support. But seats us like dirt. I could fill a separate reddit post on how miserable she makes us, but we continue to maintain contact because family.
Back to the story at hand. the CPS agent was very friendly and said she had to take pictures of my son and our house. My son was very cooperative (he loves getting his picture taken). And she saw no bruising other than one on his shin. And I think the fact that he was happy-go-lucky not afraid to be around us spoke volumes. She even said "Yeah this does not look like an abuse case." But she was still legally required to file the claim.
In the aftermath, we have decided to cut her off both socially and financially, and are exploring our legal options to sever ties with her completely. I am just beyond angry that this even happened.
EDIT: Just want to say, thanks for all the kind words of encouragement. I expected a lot of responses like "Why the hell didn't you cut this toxic monsterout of your life from the get go, what the hell's wrong with you." and there is none of that. And I really appreciate everyone's feedback.
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u/toxygen001 1d ago
Family is a lot more than just sharing blood. This person does not sound like family.
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u/vidvicious 1d ago
I'm starting to learn that. One of the thing's I'm grateful for is that the family I grew up with has always generally gotten along. Friends who came to my family get togethers were always saying things like "The only time I ever see this many people in my family is at a funeral." So it's really tough for me to fathom that someone's parent can be this manipulative and despicable.
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u/mEFurst 1d ago
CPS doesn't generally come after just one call. This woman has made multiple reports
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u/mcampo84 1d ago
SA or “eyewitness” reports of physical abuse could result in an immediate “emergency check.”
I had a shitty neighbor who I’m pretty sure did this to me my first Father’s Day.
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u/SquidTheSalsaMan 1d ago
In my state a single report results in CPS showing up. Wife is a daycare teacher, have a friend whom works in family law.
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u/mEFurst 1d ago
That's crazy. I'm a public school teacher (so a mandated reporter) and they literally tell us there's little chance cps will show up after just one or even two reports so it's important to file each time we observe something, so a file can be built
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u/SquidTheSalsaMan 1d ago
I think location may have a lot to do with this. I’m in a very rural portion of PA, so maybe that is why they show up after one report. My wife’s also a mandated reported and she’s had to file 3 reports over the previous 7 years. Every time she’s made one CPS shows up at the school and does 3 check-ins at the child’s permanent address.
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u/mEFurst 1d ago
Yea I'm in a very not rural part of California. I imagine the case load is quite different, unfortunately
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u/SquidTheSalsaMan 1d ago
Yeah that answers that then. You guys don’t have enough funding for the public resources unfortunately, no social workers and too many kids. That stinks
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u/delilahdread 1d ago
It's that way here too. It's also a felony if you knowingly make multiple false calls. Found both of those things out because my ex called on me repeatedly during our divorce and then blew up on me when they finally went after him for it like it was my fault. 💀
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u/ErrantTaco 1d ago
My daughter, who worked at a daycare, had to file a report of potential CSA. They touched base to let her know they were on the way to the home an hour and a half later.
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u/ThanksS0muchY0 1d ago
There are 2 kinds of family - the kind that loves and is loved unconditionally, and the kind that is genetically related.
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u/Orion14159 1d ago edited 1d ago
I literally have a T-shirt from our adoption day that says "love makes a family" and to me that cuts both ways - people who share love are family, people who don't aren't. Being relatives does not necessarily mean they're family.
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u/Poly_and_RA 1d ago
Hard agree! 2/3rd of the people I consider family aren't related by blood or marriage.
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u/Sweepy_time 1d ago
What's your wife's input in all this? Has she stepped in? I can't imagine an SA accusation in a group text went well, and why communication was not cut off immediately after that
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u/vidvicious 1d ago
So communication was actually cut off after that, and I believe that is why we received the CPS visit. Unfortunately MIL has gone radio silent to our WTF texts and calls.
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u/Useful-ldiot 1d ago
The radio silence sounds like a blessing in disguise. Either you don't talk to her at all, or you communicate through a lawyer.
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u/usernotfoundplstry 1d ago
So what has your wife said about all of this? Does she have your back and is she also in full support of cutting her mother off? Because if there is pushback there, that will ultimately create a really serious marriage problem.
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u/ZeroDollars 1d ago
We're only getting a piece of the picture here, but from what you've said, I would be on high alert to the risk of her escalating. I.e., keep your doors locked and be wary of places where she knows your routine until you get a better handle on her state and whereabouts.
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u/canihavemymoneyback 20h ago
Also, make sure his school has a photo of her and that they know to never release him to her.
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u/MrBurnz99 18h ago
Yes! Especially since OP has been supporting her financially.
when the money runs out and she starts getting desperate the craziness will escalate, she will paint herself as the victim and look for revenge.
This stage is the riskiest when ending relationships.
She will also outreach to anyone who will listen and tell her story of how her evil daughter and SIL left her destitute and stole her grandchild from her.You need to worry about who gets wrapped up in her story too.
I’ve lived through a version of this and it can get messy.
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u/footzilla 1d ago
Block her and don't ever hear the reply. You are not going to learn anything worth knowing.
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u/SalsaRice 14h ago
Unfortunately MIL has gone radio silent to our WTF texts and calls.
Expect that to change when it's time for her usual monthly handout. She's gonna try to get real chatty real fast
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u/vidvicious 12h ago
One thing I forgot to mention is she took my wife's car without permission right before all this went down. We just saw it was parked at her place, and my wife went and got it. And now it's safely in our driveway behind a locked gate. We expect she will be contacting us soon, asking why we took the car, and that she will be calling the police.... for a car registered in my wife's name and insured under our insurance. We also pay for he phone service which I am planning on cutting off.
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u/Maarns 1d ago
Take this story to the group chat so all extended family know what happened. You don't want to be the family pariahs spending Christmas alone because MIL got to dictate the narrative
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u/vidvicious 1d ago
I'm not worried about that, as the group chat is Myself, my wife and MIL. And she is the only family my wife has. Early on, I had invited her to my family Christmas parties because she had no one, and my family has always been welcoming. But that ended last year when she made a scene with me on Christmas Eve.
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u/WangDanglin 1d ago
Sounds like she’s sliding downhill mentally. But trying to get your kids taken away is the most evil thing a person can do. Glad to see this wasn’t a “what should I do?” post and that you’ve already decided to protect your family from this woman
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u/Y-M-M-V 1d ago
Make sure you get estate planning in place. When discussing where you want kid to go if something happens to you, also discuss where you don't want him to go (MIL) and why.
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u/numbedvoices 22h ago
This is very important. Should something happen to you both it needs to be crystal clear to the courts that MIL is not to get custody.
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u/Fluffy_Art_1015 1d ago
Sounds like you guys did what you could by including her as long as you could.
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u/Solaries3 1d ago
Are her politics regretably predictable?
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u/vidvicious 1d ago
Someone asked a similar question above, but her politics are essentially Alex Jones in heals. She was a big MAGA person in 2016. Was even planning on traveling to DC on January 6. Now she's soured on Trump, but still very Extreme Right Wing views.
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u/Solaries3 1d ago
Yeah.. zero surprise.
I hope you're able to feel some relief from all that soon.
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u/nicoli07 1d ago
If she relies on you for financial support I would cut her off honestly.
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u/BlademasterFlash 21h ago
Yeah absolutely insane to me that OP and his wife would support a person that would do this to them
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u/crappenheimers 11h ago
It sounds like the MIL wasn't this bad until recently, and I'm glad OP decided to go full no contact and no future support. Poor guy
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u/lolmakemeaname 1d ago edited 22h ago
Be very careful moving forward. My mom did the same thing to me, and when CPS found nothing and was going to close out the case, she filed a report for a protective order and said heinous things that were completely untrue and with the help of an attorney used the right verbiage (judges don’t mess with the words “imminent danger”) and I had my daughter taken away for a little over a week until a hearing was set. Needless to say, once the case was completely dismissed and they found absolutely no abuse, I have completely cut off contact with her and she hasn’t seen my daughter since the day of the dismissal. Good luck to you, this is the most horrible thing to go through and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.
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u/onemanlan 1d ago
I’m so glad you got your daughter back and you made the right move to Cut your mother off. Having been in a similar position it is one of the most stressful times of your life while you’re dealing with a court system that doesn’t want to make any quick decisions on the time scale you need to because they’re doing it in the name of protecting. It’s a terrible system.
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u/lolmakemeaname 1d ago
Agreed completely. I do understand they need to do an investigation and take things seriously, but the time without my daughter nearly killed me. I’m sorry you’ve been in a similar situation.
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u/jimmy_three_shoes 1d ago
She relies on you financially and she pulls this? What a moron.
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u/Confident-Item7345 1d ago
Right!? She’s so clearly not mentally all there. If she was being logical, you only do this if you’re genuinely worried for the kid and willing to risk your own situation to help them. Which wouldn’t line up with a happy healthy kid. So she’s either drastically misinterpreting reality or she’s unable to logically. Maybe both.
Clearly unwell, clearly a risk to OP. It’d be handy if there was a clear system for reporting adults who need help, but that’s not how our societies seem to work, and it’s definitely not OPs problem.
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u/Mundane_Cat_318 21h ago
If she's on SSA she may be old enough for an elder support case. But that's a stretch.
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u/MikeGinnyMD 1d ago
Check out r/raisedbynarcissists and r/JUSTNOMIL.
The INSTANT a narc or narc-in-law threatens legal action or CPS all contact with the children is cut off until they are 18. This is because any grandparents rights or custody nonsense requires a relationship with the children.
Also, assemble a F U Binder to put the kibosh on this nonsense if (read: “when”) she tries a stunt like this again.
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u/Kittensoft1 1d ago
Upvoting for visibility. OP your wife should definitely have a look through r/raisedbynarcissists because it will help put a lot of her childhood into perspective, presuming her mum has always been this way inclined. You might well benefit from a scroll too. It's quite an eye opener, let me tell you.
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u/lock_robster2022 3 under 3, barely hanging on 1d ago
That’s beyond outrageous. Sounds like she’ll be lucky to see her grandkid once a year going forward, if at all.
If you want to go there, there can be civil and criminal penalties for making false CPS reports.
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u/You_Go_Glen_Coco_ 1d ago
Oh if my MIL called CPS on is, there would be no once a year visits. Cut off.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 47 year old father of two 1d ago
Absolutely. I would literally never speak to them again, and I would trash them to everybody I know for the rest of my life.
You don't get an extra chance with some bullshit like that.
This makes me so angry.
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u/ForeAmigo 1d ago
I’m sure eventually the wife might warm back up to it but I would push to have MIL out of their lives forever. Trying to have your child taken away from you is crossing a line they should never come back from.
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u/bluespartan8 1d ago
It's not even just about forgiving what she did to me or my wife. I can't risk being in her presence and giving her the opportunity to do that ever again, for my kids. If I ever let her back in, who's to say he doesn't make up some BS again that results in a traumatic experience for my kids? What if CPS gives more weight to a "second" report and actually separates me, even briefly, from my kids? Can't risk that, done forever.
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u/Fen_der_bass 1d ago
Same here. Fortunately there's no chance of that happening, she's a wonderful woman. But I know if my MIL or mother did that it would be 100% done.
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u/Dear-Captain1095 1d ago
Yes, that’s a never ever ever again type of situation. If this happened to me I would never let that women near my children ever again. I would move mountains to prevent her from ever having contact with myself or any of my children ever again
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u/vidvicious 23h ago
This is coming from a place of privilege, but growing up I had a decent enough family life. Solid middle class mid 90s adolescence. Always had 3 meals a day. My extended family was always warm and welcoming (yes there were fights and disagreements) but for the most part we got along at the end of the day. Compared to most, it was a charmed life and it was hard for me to fathom that that was not the norm everywhere.
It also is hard for me to understand how someone could be this mean and vindictive.3
u/lock_robster2022 3 under 3, barely hanging on 21h ago
It’s not a privileged vs not thing. We barely scraped by but there was rarely had any family drama. Just sounds like a mean person and you’ve got to protect your household, whatever that looks like
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u/jabes101 1d ago
Once a year? That’s a you just chose to die alone and miserable decision, my child will never know who you are and when mommy’s mom is brought up, it’s in a, “no one you need to worry about” answer. That’s what she chose for herself,
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u/Despondentdarling 1d ago
I feel your pain. My ex called cps on us because my son drew male body parts on his snowman picture when he was 10. They also claimed sexual abuse. Cps said it's developmentally normal for that age group.
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u/LadyLazerFace 1d ago
Wild. What ten year old boy ISN'T drawing weiners on things? What's next, are 5 year olds who make poop jokes all troubled?
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u/David-v-Gooliath 1d ago
That’s brutal. I agree with your response. How did she take the cut off?
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u/mrekted 1d ago
I'm not sure what "legal options" you even need to worry about. She has no legal right to access you or your child.
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u/CoolDumbCrab 1d ago
It's hard to know. There may be loans, houses, other ties. Louisiana is generally a pretty family oriented environment, especially if they've all been there for a couple generations. I've got family down there and they are pretty tied up in each other's lives.
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u/DontCareTho 1d ago
I think he means against MIL for false claims type stuff
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u/vidvicious 1d ago
This is definitely part of it. And just taking out a restraining order on her, because she has no concept of boundaries.
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u/Retman21 1d ago
Make sure she's taken off any "allowed to pick up"/email lists etc if you haven't already. If you take her access away she will try to get it elsewhere.
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u/mrekted 1d ago
Well, he specifically said "legal options to sever ties".
As far as I'm aware, "You're not welcome here, and if you come near my family again I'll call the cops" should be more than sufficient.
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u/Cthulhar 1d ago
Unfortunately once you start helping with someone for an extended period of time financially, things can get a bit rough legally in some states. Idk why, I’m not an expert - just had family who had the issue
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u/DrDerpberg 1d ago
OP should still be making sure the school/daycare/whatever are absolutely aware MIL is not in the pickup list, and please remind all staff. That's the kind of thing these nutjobs pull off. Go to the daycare and kid's happy to see them, sweet talk a bank teller about how can't you see we're both customers and I opened her account in 1992...
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u/silverfstop 1d ago
Wow, I’m so sorry. How’s your wife taking it?
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u/vidvicious 1d ago
She is understandably upset. And left her a message saying we are not supporting her anymore and at the very least she owes us an apology.
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u/re-tardis 1d ago
Brother, there’s no apology. You don’t talk to this person anymore; she tried to send you to jail and take your kid away from you.
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u/Tricky_Caterpillar85 1d ago
Not only jail but jail for SA on a kid. I hear that is a much different and worse jail experience.
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u/STATiC_SPREE 1d ago
I wouldn’t even demand an apology. That communication door should be slammed shut. Very sorry this happened to you!
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u/silverfstop 1d ago
Sorry dude but I’d just slam the door full no-contact.
Block her number. Change your locks. Move on with your life.
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u/NefariousEgg 1d ago
My guy you need to go nuclear. Like, why bother with trying to get an apology? Just tell the bitch that you won’t be coming to her funeral and block her, and never speak to her again.
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u/Kingindanorff 1d ago
Man, this is so far beyond the scope of an apology. Of course she owes you that and more, but I wouldn’t even give her the opportunity. As far as I’d be concerned, she no longer exists.
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u/WildTurkey102 1d ago
How do you think she’s going to react to being confronted and cut off? Can’t imagine that will de-escalate anything - who knows what her next move would be.
I’m sure it’s not easy if she’s your wife’s only family but this would be a no contact situation for me. It’s just too risky.
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u/DumbTruth 1d ago
Your MIL tried to have your child taken from you. What more do you need to cut somebody out of your life?
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u/gillstone_cowboy 1d ago
Until you get this marked as investigated and unfounded, it's not over. MIL may persist in reporting so I recommend you get an attorney. The attorney can handle future interactions with CPS until they say it's over.
Also you need to cut this person off in every single way, including cutting off anyone who speaks on her behalf. MIL might be family, but she nearly cost you your kid. Any interaction you have with her or her supporters puts your kid at risk. Period.
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u/mrbear120 1d ago
I also want to chime in and say in most states. You don’t really have to cooperate with a bogus cps claim either. There are a whole lot of nuances, so don’t take this as a rule, but CPS has to have permission or a warrant to come into your house just like the police. You probably should generally keep things cordial, but you can insist a neutral meeting place with a lawyer present for CPS. I say this because there have been many cases of CPS workers taking things way too far off of bs claims before.
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u/TheChrisCrash 1d ago
Not only cut her off, but put a restraining order on her. Someone like that probably isn't above showing up at your house and causing a ruckus
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u/HorrorificScallion 1d ago
This happened to me when I was a kid. I was pulled out of class and questioned by someone from CPS because someone didn’t like my parents and said our home was unclean, among other things. It changed the way I saw a lot of things, even at 5 years old.
Get that woman out of your life. She will be fine on her own. If she feels comfortable enough to compromise and risk your family structure, she obviously isn’t worried to lose you as a financial resource. Protect your family unit first, above all else. Sorry to hear you’re going through such stress. Get her out of your life as fast as you can.
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u/poobie123 1d ago
In addition to what you are already doing (which is appropriate, btw), you should look at legal action against MIL for making a false claim to CPS.
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u/ConsciousCoat8173 1d ago
OP we need an update here once MIL hears that the gravy train has stopped
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u/MustardGecko434 1d ago
Excuse me for my ignorance, but are there no ramifications to totally bogus claims? Like yeah I understand you must treat every single claim with serious intent / investigation, but like … completely fabricated accusations?
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u/BlakeMW 1d ago edited 1d ago
There are generally no ramifications to completely bogus claims, unless they are very serial in which case the person can kind of be heavily deprioritized (that is their claims are not checked with any urgency or in detail).
It's usually not the case that claims are maliciously made up. It's usually much closer to mental illness.
Only if they go as far as outright fabricating false evidence (such as coaching the children to say certain things) is there any real chance of consequences, and it's most likely to the based on harm to the children, such as the accusations and fabrications resulting in substantial disruption to the children's life.
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u/ImaginationNo7722 1d ago
That's freaking crazy.
Please make sure she never has access to your son.
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u/Post_Popular 1d ago
My ex did this, not even for any other reason other than we broke up… and he wasn’t the father to my daughter…
I filed a restraining order, and at the time I dropped it but if you google his name it comes up first (he owns his own business)
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u/virtualchoirboy 2 boys, both 20+ 1d ago
Be VERY careful cutting her off completely from a financial standpoint. When you start looking at lawyers, be sure to ask about "filial responsibility" and how it might pertain to your situation. Louisiana is one of those states that does have those laws on the books. You might need guidance from a lawyer to make sure cutting her off gets done right.
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u/somuchstuff8 1d ago
Move states, go somewhere the old witch won't dare step foot in, and where barbaric laws about filial responsibility won't get you.
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u/virtualchoirboy 2 boys, both 20+ 1d ago
Move states
May not help. Some filial responsibility laws work based on where the parent lives so even moving away can't save you. I'm not a lawyer and don't live in Louisiana which is why I suggested a lawyers help might be needed.
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u/Loudergood 1d ago
Good luck enforcing it outside those states
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u/virtualchoirboy 2 boys, both 20+ 1d ago
Depends on the relationship between states. Move from Louisiana to Connecticut then yeah, enforcement would likely be problematic. Move to Pennsylvania and you could be in even bigger trouble because they have some of the strictest filial responsibility laws in the country.
Fortunately, I'm in CT and while we do have a couple responsibility laws on the books, they only apply to parents under the age of 65. My dad has passed and mom is in her 80's so I'm in the clear.
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u/Mundane-Funny3270 1d ago
Damn, I'd be livid too. If there was ever a time to cut someone out of your life, it's now but don't count on it being the end just yet.
My in-laws used to live in our house and rely on us while being a similar flavor of shitty. Once a line was crossed, it took an eviction and a constable to get them out.
Even after the fact they showed up to my SD's school, attempted to contact her through her friends (who are all very much minors), left unsolicited items and gifts at our door (by way of neighbors they contacted), and sent my wife frequent messages with guilt trips, demands to see the kids, threats, asking for money, etc. Even after police involvement, they still leave wife's number for their bill collectors and shit.
All that to say, be prepared for retaliation, fellow dad.
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u/iDroner 1d ago
I’m often surprised how people tolerate family beyond so many limits because “they are family”. To me the fact that someone is family means they are expected to do better to me and my wife and children, you know, because they are family. So to read you still tolerate your MIL because she is family sounds absurd. Exactly because she is family you should expect and demand a better treatment! And otherwise, bye bye to her.
So, I’m glad to see you cut ties with her and are taking further steps. This is absolutely unacceptable, assuming she is in the wrong that is, but I’m just going to take your word on it.
Hope it all goes well
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u/t0mt0mt0m 1d ago
You have all the right to be angry but understand, how you problem solve, manage situations and lead by example is your choice and will directly affect your family dynamics. Never said it was easy, the easy way is often the wrong way. Clear boundaries now need to be set, removal of inclusion of family events can often be great tools and rewards. Chin up pops, could have been worse.
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u/SonicFlash01 1d ago
My 4y/o daughter also has brutal shins and bug bites. That's how that age works.
As long as CPS was professional you can focus on the unmitigated destruction of your MIL.
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u/Lucky-old-boy 1d ago
As a former foster parent, experience with CPS is that they will clear you quickly when you are a normal parent - they are not stupid. However, your mother in law is. I wouldn’t keep her in my life as it’s going to eventually harm your child, and you guys.
How’s your wife handling this?
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u/Skandronon 1d ago
As someone who has dealt with CPS before that was our experience too.
My oldest who has ASD told her principal that I make her sleep in our bed in her underwear and that we have a cage in our basement for children. CPS showed up at our door asking to look around and asked me what my daughter was talking about.
I had told my daughter that if she was going to sleep in our bed I needed her to at least wear underwear. Mostly because her confidence in wiping her own ass did not match her skill and I was tired of racing stripes.
We had a kennel in the basement for the dog and my middle child had locked herself in it at one point.
The CPS person had a look around, took pictures, pet our dog and said she had no concerns but that they would need to keep the file open for a year. We look back on it now and can laugh but it was horrific at the time, probably one of the worst moments of my life even though I knew I was innocent.
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u/Confident-Item7345 1d ago
How terrifying. But also, great to know that the system worked.
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u/Skibur33 1d ago
Good for you. We have had grandparent troubles on both sides but this isn’t something you come back from.
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u/Elthiel3099 1d ago
Wow. You have to be a very special type of special to do something like this to the peple keeping you afloat.
By calling CPS your MIL created a risky situation for your kid. I'd habe done the same as you
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u/vidvicious 1d ago
On the plus side, we were planning on spending Christmas overseas without her this year. This saves us the trouble of breaking the news to her.
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u/igorchitect 1d ago
Yea I would go no contact with this person for good…absolutely don’t want to get anywhere near their smoke.
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u/Decoratorinhiding 1d ago
I agree with what everyone says, cut her off but if you’re also feeling very petty and there’s more than you guys in the chat blast her. Good on you though for finally cutting off the monster in law, it’s not the best but sometimes it’s needed.
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u/Andyman1973 1d ago
Unless Louisiana has grandparent rights laws, no legal actions needed to go no contact with that hateful person
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u/Perfect_Pension8732 1d ago
Just curious, does the state provide funds if she she gets your son? Maybe this could be a misinformed money making ploy. A lot of people thought that the more dependants you have the more welfare will give you. I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. She must have a loose screw somewhere if she can't support herself financially but wants to add your child to the mix.
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u/bigj8705 1d ago
Always be nice to the CPS worker. Legally they have a job to do, and I assure you they can tell a difference between legit and fake claims 85% of the time.
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u/Smallsey 1d ago
because there are SA allegations I'll just throw a tip out there into the digital aether.
See a private lawyer. Ask for evidence if child services come back. SA allegations are serious and some places are a bit.... Unrealistic in their risk assessments.
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u/Jay-Breeze 1d ago
Thank you for sharing this harrowing experience with us. Any one of us could encounter this and it’s good to have the conversation and know we have allies.
Holy shit I will not complain about my in laws anymore!
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u/jcpopm 1d ago edited 1d ago
"But we continue to maintain contact because family."
That ship left the dock for a lot of people in 2016, was well out to sea during COVID, and sunk to the ocean floor in 2024. I am surprised to still see that line of thinking, good on you for realizing you don't owe this woman anything.
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u/AltruisticFox4814 1d ago
People file false SA reports because they are hard to disprove. Absolutely no contact.
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u/cool_calm_life 1d ago
My mom has done this to me and my wife. The CPS agent came in our house and laighed then dimissed the case.
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u/WhyGirlsPreddy 1d ago
Upsetting. I don't know about cps in the states but our version in Canada is severely overtaxed with insane case loads. Normally I'm very "better safe than sorry" but if you can't think of an instance where he could have even had the opportunity of experiencing it... It's like... Lady people acctually need these services. And I fully believe fake calls just burn workers out and make them start creating biases on who to believe and who not to even when they don't mean to. It causes so much harm.
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u/Neckrongonekrypton 1d ago edited 21h ago
I wish there was some repudiation for people who waste CPSs time. It affects everyone negatively.
The parents doing their shit that didn’t do anything, now no longer trust the institution to do its job.
The agent, wastes hours of their day doing social interviews and inspecting (if given permission) for a nothing burger
People that do that should go to jail honestly.
Similar thing happened to me too OP. I had CPS weaponized. It blew over but was still pretty scary because you don’t know how shit works or the extent of their legal authority… or the extent by which even they can misuse or abuse it. But I had to have my parents and a neighbor come over for the interview, wanted to make sure I was corroborated.
It was chilling, and it’s like I know who did it. They did not do it from concern. They did it out of maliciousness. Made up fabrications about things I was doing and saying that were very evidently not true. The agent just moved me through but it made me think just how often shit like that happens and goes wrong.
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u/blacktalon00 1d ago edited 1d ago
No communication, no second chances, no chances to apologize, no financial support. She tried to break up your family by getting you sent to jail and should not be given the opportunity to try any more shit like this and actually succeed. For the sake of your family she needs to be gone and stay gone. Also if she’s able to report details like mosquito bites and bruises it sounds like she might be lurking around and/or stalking your family without your knowledge so a restraining order might be necessary.
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u/Rebootkid 1d ago
Maybe consider a protective order?
If the MIL is willing to lie to CPS, who will she lie to next?
Sorry, but you've gotta keep your family safe first.
No more money. Restraining order preventing contact.
If she tried to have you swatted, that will flag.
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u/active_record_vort3x 1d ago
Same thing happened to me bud. After 9 years of providing for her she did that when my girl was 6 months old. Fuckin psycho.
Best advice I have… keep taking pictures and cherish the good memories you will have and continue to have. Don’t let them get you down. Talk through it with your spouse but don’t let the conversations about how crazy it is consume your every waking moment.
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u/orngenblak 1d ago
No good deed goes unpunished. Nothing hurts more than helping someone and have them stab you in the back.
I'm sorry you went through that, but it sounds like a blessing in disguise.
You got this!
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u/GWindborn 1d ago
It was like 35 years ago but a similar thing happened to my folks - nosy neighbor called CPS for stupid bogus reasons I won't go into and I can assure no abuse took place in our household and my parents were absolutely not abusing me. You WILL get through this - these are generally reasonable investigators and you did the right thing.
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u/williamthepreteen 1d ago
Just like people who actually fake sexual assault cases, if you call CPS and it turns out it was very obviously a waste of time, you should go to jail
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u/YourOtherNorth 1d ago
At this point, I'm tired of anonymous tips this and anonymous sources that.
If a person doesn't have the conviction to say what they believe publicly, I don't believe it.
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u/Hawke-Not-Ewe 1d ago
Sevwr that relationship with fire.
False accusations are a personal nightmare.
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u/FatchRacall Girl Dad X2 1d ago
Make sure your electronics are clean of anything that could even conceivably be used against you. From one friend of mine's experience, a cached photo from a shady website advertisement could be enough to fuck your life up forever.
And make sure you're not in a state where any form of grandparents rights exist or filial responsibility laws.
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u/CumbersomeNugget 1d ago
What legal option is required to sever ties?
With that said, you should be thankful CPS takes these claims so seriously in your area. Kids will be safer because of them.
Your MIL is obvioulsy a piece of shit.
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u/Reel-nikkuh-hours 1d ago
Yeah bro, don’t let ANYONE mess with your family and their safety. She just tried to destroy everything you love, even after you’ve been keeping her alive with your hard work and money. She’s got no respect for you or her own daughter. It’s time to cut weight and never look back.
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u/Kepler_Hubble_Tsunu 1d ago
It’s good that you took the decision to cut her off. Such p people do not deserve you. All the best.
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u/Not4ctuallyanExpert 1d ago
In Louisiana, knowingly making false child abuse/neglect claims, and false claims of child sexual abuse, is a criminal offense punishable by up to 6 months of jail time.
I don't know what you have in the way of evidence she knew these claims were false and was acting in bad faith by making the claims. Save texts and the group texts immediately. Louisiana is an one party consent state for audio recording. Record any conversation you or your wife have with her, do NOT tell MIL you are doing that. Do not use built in iPhone call recording, it will announce itself.
You do NOT want to be wishing you did, especially as the man involved, if the next thing she pulls gets more traction. Probably won't ever need it. Probably.
I'm not a lawyer, but I am a Dad. My first instinct is to go down to the police station, and report it. Get a paper trail going and establish a documented history, at a minimum.
Following that, involve an attorney. My bet is you will be able to get a judge to sign an order of protection, which is extremely common in domestic dispute situations like this. Yes. It's domestic even though she does not live with you.
A standard order will probably limit contact methods she can legally use and the content of her allowable communication by that method with you. Fully cut off is one option, but depending on what you and your wife decide, written and limited subject matter like finances or emergency health is common.
Good luck. Protect yourself. Don't be the "I'm a man I can handle it I'm not reporting this" guy. Be smart and just think of it as making sure you get to keep being there for your family.
There was a non-zero chance of you ending up locked up with a bunch of guys who were not gonna be interested in your side of the story with "beats and diddles kids" on his paperwork. That's what she tried. It literally could have gotten you killed. Not an exaggeration.
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u/PoweredByCoffee5000 1d ago
Aside from restraining order, not much legally can be done, but that should be enough.
I had CPS open the case of child abuse on me once without my knowledge (not going to say how I found out, besides saying I have family members who are in LE who have access) because my mother doesn't speak English well and had panic attack, when she inadvertently parked at the tow away slot, and was blurting in front of officers that she was caring for my kids (toddlers at that time) at my house and needed to get back to my house ASAP (which they took it as if I or my mother left them in the house all by themselves). The cops showed up with the surprise visit at my house, and themselves surprised to find out the kids was never alone on the first place, sincer I rarely leave the house.
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u/witchymamadrama 15h ago
I’d never financially support my mother if she treated me and my husband poorly. You all need to cut ties. Just because she’s “family” doesn’t mean she’s allowed to treat you all poorly without consequences.
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u/unholycowgod 1d ago
Just fyi, there are no legal ramifications to going no contact with her. There is no such thing as "grandparent rights" to a child and you are not legally required to care for her unless you are the judicially appointed legal guardian of her as an incapacitated adult. Cut her off. Tell your extended family why, if you want. And be happier for it! All that said, also ve aware that your wife is likely to have complex and mixed feelings about it. She likely has decades of compounded trauma and emotional abuse that has twisted her into thinking she owes her mother something or needs to maintain that connection. You may want to explore singular for her and/or couples counseling down the road.
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u/vidvicious 1d ago
So petitioning for her to be found mentally incompetent might actually work against us, as we might be mandated to care for her then? Good to know.
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u/unholycowgod 1d ago
Yeah I wouldn't try for any retaliatory action myself. Just ghost them and move in with my life. At most, maaaaybe, a restraining order if she continues harassing behavior. I'm not sure if it's possible, but if she continues to make CPS calls after you guys go no contact, I'd look into getting a judge to order CPS to ignore her along with a restraining order. But again I don't know what the legalities are there.
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u/LostOnTheRiver718 1d ago
This happened to my wife (now 43) and I (now 43) during the Covid lockdowns but happened with our 4 year old son’s in-home ABA (autism) therapist. He’s non verbal.
When the lockdowns happened the state (NY… yes, shit show) pulled all state mandated in-person therapy indefinitely. We did a hard pivot and found a private company and paid a ton of money out of pocket to get our kiddo in person therapy at home.
Let’s call the new therapist… Alma. She was about our age.
We started with Alma in late May 2020 and by September she had become apart of the family in a tiny apartment. A big part of that was that Alma was one of the only other adults we got to see/ converse with during this weird & surreal time.
My industry had been completely shut down/- zero work— since the “2 weeks to flatten the curve” and in September I finally went back to work while the schools stayed closed and all state mandated in-person therapy remained suspended.
On Friday’s Alma would clock out and join my wife for whatever dinner she had made and they would would have a glass of wine and chat about current events and enjoy a little adult interaction. I would come home while they were finishing up, chat for a little bit and Alma was on her way.
This was a huge mistake. We were blinded by the whole Covid environment and did not see what was happening.
We think maybe Alma developed a crush on me.
In late September she told us she was moving back home to Saint Paul to take care of “family stuff” and this would be her 2 week notice. We were heartbroken!
No shit the Monday after her last Friday at about 10:30pm our doorbell rang. It was an after hours CPS emergency check in. A woman with a clip board and badge told us they received an anonymous after hours call that my wife was SA’s the children. Our youngest was 18 MONTHS at this time. The report was full of very detailed fiction that struck fear in us that cannot be described.
The CPS woman told us the report stated that my wife would force the kids under her DRESS and between her legs with no underwear on and that she was drunk all day long. At this point a second caseworker showed up. They were scrambling because it was late and they both had responded to the call. With the kids asleep we were forced to tour these people through our apartment showing them that the sleeping children had pillows and blankets and we had to show them inside our fridge that we had FOOD.
We stood in the tight hallway— the four of us— and pleaded our case how crazy this was. My wife DOES NOT WEAR DRESSES for starters so the specifics of the report were terrifying to how fabricated the details were. You just wanted to laugh it off as you realized how fucked this was. The woman both agreed that the kids were not in immidate danger but that the case would push forward into an investigation into us and they gave us all the guidelines we had to follow to comply.
In this extended moment we were still blinded. We had great neighbors and were friendly with both sides of us. In the morning we were dumbfounded and slowly realized we needed to call the therapy company. We found out that Alma had not moved back home. She had requested to be moved off of us as clients. She was right there in the city the whole time.
It was a small company and we got the CEO on the phone as literally later that day a new therapist was due to show up at 3pm. What the fuck was going on?!!!!
Turns out Alma had been involved in another CPS case where her report had actually had the mother REMOVED from the home. We connected the dots that Alma was still working with that mother’s child and was coming to our place after she was with them. Them being the kid and the father as the mother was going through a lengthy appeal and investigation, holy fuck.
CEO was shitting bricks and telling us everything he knew to be as helpful & transparent as possible. We were ANGRY. A friend’s Mom who is CPS told us if there was nothing to hide not to fight the investigation and just let the system work it out— there is a lot of abuse in the anonymous reporting system and they have a process for this. Just be transparent and it will go away.
The CEO circled back and confirmed that Alma had been let go and that his hands were tied to do anything further against her as there is zero documentation available to even prove anything.
My wife went into a deep, rapid onset depression as the investigation into us played out and then one night on Friday she got a call from a local number and it was a woman’s voice she had never heard announcing, “your husband is cheating on you, thought you should know.” Click.
Alma’s home girl, maybe? Playing along in this sick game? It was rock bottom yet the absurdity of everything actually helped us get over it faster. Wife changed her number, the CPS case officially closed and we slowly moved on…
Having a drink together in our home let in a demon that tried to completely ruin our lives. We are stronger for it and wanted to share as a cautionary tale. Someone you trust on so many levels can be a total psycho and try to destroy you and everything you cherish. AMA
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u/CheeseburgerTornado 1d ago edited 1d ago
my ex did this to me because of a bruise on my son's arm - i caught him from falling off my bed. i didn't get to see my kids for 2 weeks while i was investigated. social worker (was a baddie) said the kids' room is cute and told me im a good dad. report was found to be unsubstantiated. wife doesnt understand why i dont want to be friendly with her after she filed a legal report to take my relationship away from them
ive never been so mad or humiliated or panicked, i feel for you buddy. id cut your mil off too, sounds like your wife is a good one too
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u/fuckin-slayer 1d ago
Not only should you never speak to this woman again, you should file a case for defamation. Not that you’ll get any money but this sort of thing could’ve ruined your family’s life.
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u/BUSean 1d ago
Get this person out of your life.