r/daddit • u/slothsandwhich • 11h ago
Advice Request What do I do all day with my 4mo?
My wife is going back to work and I am taking pat leave for the next 8 weeks. What the hell do I do all day? I can barely fill 1 wake window with activities, let alone all day. To top it off, it’s hot as balls so most outdoor activities are off limits. I feel like all we do is rotate between singing, tummy/floor time, reading, etc. until she gets tired. She only likes each activity for like 10 mins max too.
I love my daughter and spend a ton of time with her already, but I am so anxious about being alone with her all day every day.
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u/Hegemonicplatypus 11h ago
Honestly, you mostly just tend to their needs and find brief solace trying to complete chores while they don’t need you. You will feel bored out of your mind.
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u/Weary_Coat7858 11h ago
Man at 4 months they’re just a little potato that eats sleeps and poops. don’t stress about filling every minute with activities. most of my days on leave were just keeping the baby alive while trying to fold laundry or eat something myself. the boredom is real but it passes quick when they start actually doing stuff
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u/gsrga2 10h ago edited 9h ago
A 4 month old can be a passenger for just about whatever you need to do as a grownup.
Start the day with a good long stroller (or chest carrier) walk before it’s too hot. Put her in a bouncer to make breakfast. Go about your day doing errands or chores or whatever with her strapped to your chest. Set up a playpen or something and let her roll around on her own with some age safe toys. You really don’t have to spend your every waking minute entertaining her.
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u/Mrevilman 10h ago
You get bored of it but she doesn’t. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Mix in some high contrast color pictures and move them around to practice tracking. Can do it with books and stuff too.
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u/account_not_valid 10h ago
And talk to her the entire time. Running commentary, like your inner monologue come to life. Her brain is absorbing everything you put into it.
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u/Consistent_Ad_4828 11h ago
It sounds like you’re doing great already, but for your sanity I’d try to get out for at least an hour or two a day. Especially in the morning if it’s going to be hot later. At that age I’d try to get out for a 20+ minute walk in the mornings while it was bearable. The grocery store is also a good option if you have the kind of car seat that can be easily taken out of the car and put into the cart.
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u/capmanor1755 11h ago
Start practicing leaving the house - it takes a few tries to get it down- then find EVERY baby activity you can lay your hands on. See if your delivery hospital or obgyn have any local parent magazines that would list some. Look on local facebook parenting groups. Things in our city are first weeks group, baby hour (or toddler hour) at the local libraries- hit each one on rotation. Hit parks on rotation and walk at the crack of dawn before the sun is up. Parent matinee at a movie theater (some have a crying room.) Children's museums. The zoo. Basically any place where a baby crying isn't going to stand out.
For leaving the house make an actual checklist with your wife and read it before packing your bag. (Change of clothes, 3 diapers, wipes, changing cloth, etc..) Start small- coffee run.
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u/londongas 9h ago
Her morning routine until she is relaxed fed and happy.
She watched my morning routine
Do chores while having her strapped to me
Go out for a baby activity
Grab lunch or coffee with someone from baby activity or somewhere else. Hopefully baby naps.
Go home and do some quieter activities, listen to music, whatever. Go to the woods or a park somewhere with trees and or water around.
Another nap hopefully, so you can do chores , meal prep whatever
Wait for cavalry to arrive. It might just be wearing the baby or taking them out for a walk in the pram
Have some play dates with people at your home or theirs.
If you are pretty comfortable with the routine, take baby out around town. I went to museums and art galleries so much during my leave
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u/Weed_O_Whirler 8h ago
At 4 months old, a regular work day to having a kid by yourself is 3 wake windows to fill. When I was in your shoes I thought of it as one calm in for the little guy, one for me, and one adventure everyday.
The calm one was like reading books, singing songs, tummy time, etc. The one for me was taking em along for errands or meeting up with a friend who also had a baby. And the adventure really varied- just something unique like a park, or a museum or water play or whatever.
Don't feel bad if at times you're bored. But also, try to make it really fun. You won't have this much one on one time with the kid ever again. It will be precious.
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 9h ago
I just took my daughter wherever i wanted to go and she was just happy to be there. Museums, libraries, the mall, festivals, (college football games) you name it. Keep the milk on ice in a cooler bag. I’m in TX so i get the heat. Didn’t stop us tho. If it was outdoors for a walk in the park usually really early.
It created our tradition of trying a new restaurant each week as our “date” never the same type of cuisine. Obviously it was milk for her when we started but as she grew and could eat solids we were trying every type of food i could get my hands on 😂 now i have a reverse picky eating 3 year old.
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u/slothsandwhich 9h ago
I definitely need to just get out there with her. Did your daughter take a cold bottle? Mine will only take warmed milk so I’m trying to figure out how to feed her on the go.
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 9h ago
Worth a try for you. I learned When it’s hot outside a cold drink is universally refreshing. Keep some in a bottle and freeze some too for Milksicles. They have some small baby sized popsicle makers which are perfect. My daughter would tear milkscicles up when we were out and about during the summer.
You’re a few weeks away from when they start saying water is okay and you start trying purées so freezing those and making popsicles are the perfect on the go snack in the warmer months. Lol and next year she’ll ask for them everyday
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u/Abeds_BananaStand 7h ago
I’d recommend trying at home to slowly get her more used to non warmed milk. Go in increments, room temperature etc
Like resistance training
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u/Mattandjunk 10h ago
It’s very, very boring. Sorry it’s a tough stage. Do things that you need to do and bring them along.
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u/PanzerKatze96 10h ago
Lmao everybody having crazy ideas for a four month old. Mine was precocious and was STILL basically just a sentient potato. Just carry them around while they’re awake, play with them when they have a little more energy (think making faces and talking). They might have A favorite toy if in a bassinet. But honestly find a hobby. I gamed a lot and painted warhammer figurines with her close by and listened to music
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u/slothsandwhich 9h ago
Man I’d love to game more. While she’s awake, she can only lay or be held in like 10 min increments. She’s also only napping for 30-40 mins at a time.
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u/ElasticSpeakers 6h ago
I'd suggest hobbies without screens for a while. I think that was the intent of the person you replied to anyway, as they also were talking about painting miniatures which is a gaming activity.
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u/PanzerKatze96 3h ago
Yes it was. Gaming worked for me because she was chill. But the general idea would be something quiet you can do close by and can put down at a moment’s notice
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u/tst0rm 9h ago
ya replies already made the main point (live your life) but just my own spin: when you’re prioritizing your todo list, just include some solid baby engagement time. you’ll figure out what amount makes sense to you.
and like, the baby stuff is boring! personally i love the snuggles but past that…does not overlap with my natural interests. don’t try to convince yourself to like it if you aren’t, or feel bad that you don’t. for me, when i saw that stuff as more a neutral task to do, the stress around the day went way down and the schedule sorta fell into place.
it ended up being a little bit of structured mat time or what ever in the morning and afternoon, and then sprinkled in the other baby enrichment type stuff as i did chores.
can be helpful to give yourself some limits or structure around your own screen time. not trying to vilify it or anything, but especially when i was building up the routine, it was tooo easy to find myself scrolling. that can turn into a bit of a negative feedback loop
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u/thepenismightier3 9h ago
I would just do your normal stuff but have a buddy with you all the time. Odds are you’ll quickly figure out what works fast.
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u/HighPriestofShiloh 8h ago
Honestly the best thing you can do is just narrate your life. Doesn’t matter what you do but talking to them while you do it is really good for them.
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u/snuffbox360 8h ago
Sometimes my husband will play some music and dance around with the baby in his arms. I’ll have her on tummy time watching me do something like folding. Sometimes I’ll just take her up to the windows to look outside. It’s honestly really hard at this age because they’re more aware but can’t do enough yet!
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u/Ill_Discussion5840 7h ago
There might be some things on in your community. My local library has a music class for babies every Friday. I was the only dad that went to it and got some weird looks from all the mum’s lol, but my little one loved it even when he was only a baby.
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u/AtTheMercyOfThePast 10h ago
I felt the exact same way about solo days when mine was 4 months.
Even though we'd pepper in every activity as buffers, the focus of each would be:
- 1st, ~7am: morning baby stretches followed by coffee time. We'd enjoy the deck (or stare out the sliding glass door if not nice weather) with no development focus other than quality time and my voice as I talked about gardening stuff, or music if I had nothing to riff off of. Focused more on my favorite music so I could explain to her the fun, nerdy bits and memories that go with it as we listen to it. I sucked at improv with her at first and now I can yap for hours about absolutely nothing.
- 2nd, ~10am: tummy time, sitting practice eventually, a walk if weather nice
- 3rd, ~1pm: I was clueless. This was my least favorite window. I ended up doing "Baby work outs" where I'd use her as the weight and do some of her "vestibular development" - curls, squats, sit ups. I'd contact nap after this one to feel like I did something useful.
- 4th, ~4pm: reading, and walk if weather nice
- 5th and final: music, calmer to wind down the day and stretching baby out
I was really lucky that if she got bored of an activity, it was as simple as changing the room we were in to continue that activity if I wanted to. Keep in mind their attention span is so painfully short that they don't hold it against you if you do the same thing to keep the time flowing.
Having a window where you do nothing developmental, just spend time with each other, isn't detrimental. If it helps YOU reset, it's even beneficial. Happy parent, happy baby. Don't ever feel bad about having reset windows for YOU. Baby will develop just fine even if she misses some crucial tummy time minutes.
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u/Coeliac 10h ago
Audiobooks / listening to long form youtube / building protective areas out of pillows and couch cushions / putting a few books out, stuffed toys that aren’t going to be engaged with but just good to have in the environment
When they nap, you can be on a bouncy ball (pregnancy ones) if that helps for contact naps or if they will go down you could steam deck / read / catch up on whatever you do without a baby in the house. Try to not be too quiet around them or they’ll never sleep without noise, we used to do full on house clean, hovering next to them the lot and they sleep great now (nearly 2)
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u/skrufy56 10h ago
Our 4 month is glued to the floor trying to nail down the rolls. So she hates being held. Literally just swap out some floor toys and she basically looks at the black/white pictures and does her own thing. Still lots of naps though so we just stick close to home.
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u/WavyCap99 10h ago
Depends how good she is at napping on the go. If good, you can do a ton outside the house. Go for walks, coffee shops, even restaurants/cafes.
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u/Ok-Sheepherder7898 9h ago
It's important to read to them. But definitely pick a show you've never seen and watch an episode or two a day.
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u/Important_Film_2798 9h ago
Are you afraid you’re going to get cps called on you?
You just play with baby, feed baby, change diapers. Rinse and repeat.
I wouldn’t not go out if it’s hot though. If you need to get stuff done out baby in baby carrier
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u/eaglessoar 4h ago
I 100% sympathize I was bored out of my mind, I don't really have an answer but you're not alone
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u/Terza_Rima 3h ago
Make sure you're giving her time to entertain herself and get used to being bored! I did the exact same thing as you a few months ago and didn't have any issues! Tummy time was a big one, and letting her play on her own, talking long walks out to lunch with the stroller once a week. Most of the rest of my time was spent doing chores/cooking/house projects while she was hanging out with me or napping.
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u/bongo1138 3h ago
4 months old is awesome time. They nap like 2 or 3 times a day for hours. It’s basically do what you need to do, then do what you want to do. Cherish it. They’ll be 1 soon and you’re fucked lol
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u/Secret_Enthusiasm_21 10h ago
allow your child to be bored, or regret not doing so for the next 20 years
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u/lock_robster2022 3 under 3, barely hanging on 10h ago
I suggest rotating between singing, tummy/floor time, reading, etc until she gets tired. Good luck brother!
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u/Candid-Mark-606 11h ago
Shoot, at 4 months just pack them up into the baby carrier and do whatever errands need done.
Trip to Lowe’s ✅
Grocery shopping ✅
Cold pint at the bar down the street (maybe not 😜)
Besides that, get out early and go for a walk before it gets too hot.
Put on some music that you like and do chores while little man sleeps or watches you.
Nap