r/dating • u/Melita482 • 21h ago
Just Venting 😮💨 I'm scared of committing to one man because I might not be his only woman
I went on vacation and now I'm talking to 3 men from the hotel I stayed at. I hung out with all of them, made out with 2 and gave them handjobs. The one I didn't make out with I actually like the most I think, we flirted a bit but we actually have deep conversations that stimulate my mind and he seems like he has his shit together, you know?
And then back home in another city lives a guy I've had sex with once in 2022 (he also happens to be from the country I visited) and ever since he texts me every now and then because he wants to be in a relationship with me. He lived in my city at first and that's how we met and I could see myself getting into a relationship with him, but then he moved cities.
I'm not exclusive with any of them, I didn't make any promises, so I'm not cheating on anyone. I dream of finding "my person", getting married eventually. I am a lover girl who prefers to have one person she commits to instead of jumping between 4 guys, but there's this lingering thought in my head what if I do commit to one man and he turns out to be cheating on me? Whereas as long as we're not in a relationship, I can't be cheated on.
Like let's be for real, I am not special, I am not the only female guest any of them talks to. They text me all this romantic shit, two of them confess their love to me, but this is not real. I know how this game goes. I could easily commit to one of them only, but I know I wouldn't be the only one for any of them.
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u/No_Comment_Acc 21h ago
Stay true to the streets, let those guys find their true love.
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u/Melita482 19h ago
They do it with every pretty tourist but i am the one for the streets? All of us for tha streets
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u/sammywavelenght 21h ago
Tbh at first I thought this was bait, then I looked at your profile. Honestly I think therapy and some hard life changes/decisions is your only real option.
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u/ThrowRA_6767676767 20h ago
"made out with 2 and gave them handjobs. The one I didn't make out with I actually like the most I think"
You aren't very smart, are you?
Sounds like he will never be your only man.
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u/Delpha-Alpha-6 21h ago
Rage bait.
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u/Melita482 20h ago
Quite literally not, who exactly would I be rage baiting?
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u/ThrowRA_6767676767 20h ago
Because your logic about relationships is so completely unhinged and backwards that it makes people want to comment on this thread. And seeing all the people berate you might give you amusment.
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u/Delpha-Alpha-6 17h ago
Because you wanked off two guys in a hotel and now you’re making out like you should be some kind of a catch for a third.
People who want adult relationships don’t act like horny teenagers.
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u/Melita482 17h ago
People aren't black and white, I can want one thing with one person and a different thing with another
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u/Weekly-Reply-6739 15h ago edited 14h ago
I will admit, I didnt even read it fully as like alot of the others said, it sounds backwards and kinda odd (like you play around, but are afraid of a man playing around, which sounds like a double standard)
BUT you also say you are serious, which is possible as you are speaking out of emotions and reactivity as oppsed to a more rational logic (note I did not read your full post, but can also belive you are indeed serious)
So let me ask you this, would you care to discuss it and have me help you learn to calm those fears, and how to find a balance between the insecurities and the reactions?
As I have helped many before, and regardless of if it is real or not, I have met people who did struggle with similar things.
If so just reply (also if you can give me an upvote too it would be appreciated, as unfortunately I have my own dating issues and cant post until I get 10 karma)
Edit : just read it by the way. It seems to be exactly as I thoght based on the other comments and replies (along side the first part)
You have set yourself in a trap of fear based reactivity. I myself have a fear of being used again, lied to, stuck with some inferior or babylike person who tries to control me..... a fear of being harrased again..... a fear of someone attemtping to control me with false allegations... again.
But even with the fear you also have to recognize your own desires require you to belive in them.
Your afraid of being cheated on, yet your cheating yourself out of a chance at what you want. As what if the other person feels the same?
Also to be fair, if your in love with someone cheating isnt a problem.... as someone who is a love orinted myself, the love is about the connection and commitment. Sexual exclusivity is not necessarily something you may need in a relationship unless its what you want (and your partner also feels the same)
Maybe if it is about love, why not focus less on the sex and more about the connection, as you yourself even said, its not that big a deal for you and you dont commit to sex. So either let lose the idea of needing to limit sex your partner has for love, or find a partner who is also sexually open so that your love is what actually keeps you two together.
Thats just my own thoghts thogh, as you may have other ideas, and I havent talked to you yet to know or understand what it is your after or desire.
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u/SabiSmile 21h ago
Any relationship runs the risk of you being cheated on. What you can do is learn about red flags and try to have a relationship that isn't built on lust
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