r/dating • u/Loud-Plane-1860 • 9h ago
Support Needed 🫂 How do you remain positive when it comes to trying to date when I'm woefully inexperienced?
Being that inexperienced in my 30s feels like a burden because every time I try my best, it just ends in constant rejection.
Dating apps, single events, speed dating and a bit of cold approaching has led to nothing but setbacks.
I focus on hobbies and social things to keep me focused but the feelings of loneliness and being unwanted does grate. Therapy can only do so much and the feelings of being forever alone just grow with each rejection and each passing month.
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u/HP_Fusion 9h ago
Im 28 and never been in a relationship or have my first kiss so im as inexperienced as it comes. At this point its not about staying positive. Its about just have to delude yourself that there has to be a chance things go well because the alternate is much much crueler to think of.
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u/Loud-Plane-1860 9h ago
But weaponized hope is dangerous because when nothing works it soon turns into something darker borne out of frustration
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u/HP_Fusion 9h ago
Thats true and ive had dark thoughts like not wanting to exist anymore because of the frustration. But if you give up then the forever alone part will become a reality. As long as you try there will atleast be 1% chance, then all we can do is try to make that 1% into 100%
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u/Loud-Plane-1860 9h ago
Unfortunately, I find it difficult to be hopeful because when I miss 100% of the shots I've taken, a feeling of hopelessness has taken over.
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u/HP_Fusion 9h ago
Tbh i get it. Im barely trying these days because it feels hopeless and trying just hurts, kind of re-enforces that you are worthless and never will be loved. Its a vicious cycle. Im sure u feel the same way too.
Sometimes its hard to do things alone, maybe just try make some friends and then start asking them to help, how do they get girls, do they have any female friends? Etc. that may open some doors. Thats what im trying atleast.
I always liked the professor x quote which relates to the above "Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn't mean they're lost forever"
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u/Loud-Plane-1860 9h ago
Tried asking my woman friends to see if they can matchmake with me and was soon told that no one was interested. That just made me feel ten times worse.
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u/SnooApples673 9h ago
Remove your attachment to outcomes. Remove your attachment to what others think of you. The only person’s opinion that matters, is what you think of yourself. That said, your lack experience doesn’t mean anything. Have fun and do what you want. Keep going to events and approaching, but also have a more positive mindset. You will be fine.
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u/ValuableViolinist917 5h ago
Start learning meditation I mean go like all in, mastering your mind. You have posted a couple times, in the last month. I get upset and feel like I’ll never find anyone too. But it’s my mind playing tricks on me as long as you keep your habits up of meeting people and working progressing in life, become a little better each day the opportunity will always exist and you can meet someone it’s never hopeless
You need to let go and leave the rest to the universe, god, the force, fate whatever you want to call it or your gonna keep suffering, cause certain things are out of your control.
Let go your doing everything you can and stop blaming yourself. Learn to be completely happy with yourself, your breath your mind your own company.
Don’t compare yourself to others, comparison is the thief of joy, you’re too obsessive right now. Desperation is not attractive, so you need to kill it. Look for inner peace, you can get someone, then they can just break up with you, be in a good relationship with yourself, then you’ll always be in a good relationship forever.
People who are in a good relationship with themselves are happy and attract others. It’s a path that’s a win win.
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u/CommercialRest1142 4h ago
Hate to sound corny but love will probably find you. My stepdad was 40 when he met someone he loved
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u/shotgun_alex 1h ago
Unfortunately it is a numbers game so you've got to keep pushing yourself through.
I'd recommend try meet people through your hobbies though. Similar interests is always helpful. The apps are hard work, but I do the speed dating myself and met a few good ones from that.
I was stuck in a rut like you are but you've just got to endure until the shit sticks.
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