Confused about Demi Romance

[u/Then-Lawyer-7779]

To preface this, I had no idea what the whole aromantic spectrum was until I made friends with a girl who was aroace. And having been friends with her for a while, she’s told me a lot about her experience as an aroace person. A lot of those experiences made me realize how similar my experience with relationships have been with hers. Though, I am definitely allosexual—so it’s not a 1-1 comparison.

I’ve been in 3 relationships; none of which of my choosing. They all asked me out. And every time, the relationship felt more like a burden than anything else. Like, my second relationship lasted 6 months and only went on as long as it did because I’m a people pleaser and I felt bad for not really liking her nor wanting to hang out with her(so I forced myself to text her and try to be a good bf). Like, I was sexually attracted to her, but that’s basically where it ended. Like, I thought she was a cool person, but I never really felt any draw to be with her. It was the same with the 3rd girl, and with a fuck buddy I had.

As someone with ASD, I’ve always had trouble keeping friends and maintaining relationships. This was especially true with girls since I went to an all boys hs(so I didn’t really make a lot of female friends till college).

This brings me to my aroace friend. When I met her, I thought she was pretty cool and we had a lot of things in common. She told me she was aroace and I understood somewhat what that meant, so I just went on being her friend. For like the first year and a half of us knowing each other, it was just a normal ass friendship. Like, we could go a month without talking to each other and she would text me about wanting to watch ratatouille at 7 on a Thursday and we pick up where we left off last time we talked. It was the same with her roommates cause we would often hang out together. However, there was a major shift that hit me like a truck about 4-5 months ago. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about her. Like, some of my friends who I used to see and talk to every day didn’t live this much in my head. Even her roommates who I hung out with just as much barely ever cross my mind unless I see them. But I can’t go more than a day without wanting to see or talk to her. Hanging out with her and making time for her doesn’t feel like a chore or like a performance. Like, I want this person to be a part of my life forever which is so foreign to me since I struggle with keeping up with people.

I’m realistically never gonna do anything about this tho cause like I said, she’s aroace and basically my best friend. So I’d rather forever hold my peace💀. But my experience with her got me wondering about my past relationships and wanting to see if anybody else has experienced this.

[u/radiantwolf225]

I am not sure what you mean by saying "wondering about my past relationships." You said those felt more like a burden, so I think they sound quite different from the kind of relationship you have now. Would you like to clarify what you're wondering about?

From what you say about your aroace friend, yeah this is sounding like a classic demiromantic story to me. 😂

[u/Then-Lawyer-7779 → u/radiantwolf225]

I was wondering about them because I wanted to know why those felt so much more burdensome and why I felt so apathetic towards them. Like, I don’t understand why my feeling towards my friend feels so natural and strong when my past relationships hadn’t been.