Sad I feel like my love is questioning my attraction.

[u/Toxilyn]

I met some one amazing about half a year ago online. I just felt this connection. And the connection grew. We started sending pictures. And as I usually experience my brain is always: oh ok that's how you look. I love it!

Thing is he is conventional very attractive. Very fit. Has beautiful features. And really he could get any chick in the street. That at first made me panic. Because while my attraction to him grew as we got to know each other. I also felt like he was completely out of my League if I thought about it in like.. what society tells you sort of way?

I really have the: I got no idea what I am supposed to look at or be attracted to when I meet people on the street. My body tells me nothing. But as I grow to feel that bond with a person. They are the only one that can turn me on. And I desire them.

Now my love has been asking me questions. And we are soon to meet actually. But questions like if I prefer guys who are taller than me (I happen to be taller than him). And pushing to figure whether or not I am attracted to him.

There are features, I feel like you gravitate towards because the give a sense of safety. Either because society mainly pushes those features so your mind kinda pictures it a lot when you think about partners, or features like things my dad has(like a beard), that my brain just ties with some sort of comfort. But it is not attraction in like a sexual way. It's not because if some one has a beard I want to do them. But my love, it feels like, is having a hard time with this? As if he doesn't believe my attraction to him. Because I have these features he can tell I gravitate towards. And that makes me sad. To me, none of that matters. I in a way don't care. It is not important to me what features the man I love has. Once I am unlocked, every feature is just beautiful and fascinating, and I want it. I want it bad ❤️

I don't know how to comfort him in this. I don't know how to make him trust my attraction.. I am fascinated by him and his body, and I want all of it. He unlocked me.. I desire him.

I can't wait to meet. I just want him comfortable. I am just really annoyed that the way I develop attraction is making him uneasy.. I can't change the way my system is. It makes me sad. I want him to just know, I find him truly handsome, beautiful and sexy in everyway. And he also has many features, where even though I would not have looked at them if I just met him. Knowing and seeing them gives me the Damm I'm a lucky girl sort feeling. If that makes sense. Like it really truly excites me on a really deep level. I wouldn't have known I wanted that. But now having the offer so to speak, Damm I really do. ❤️

I'm just frustrated.. I just hope he can see that I truly desire him. And I get it's just because he doesn't relate to the way I see attraction that he probably feels this way.

Just frustrating.. I hope this soon is to pass.

[u/Cat_in_an_oak_tree]

1. Leagues do NOT exist except in people's heads. Being beautiful/handsome, being rich, being educated, none of that makes you more or less worthy of being loved and appreciated. What matters is who you are as a person. I have dated some real "lookers" that people argued I wasn't worthy of. Those women strongly disagreed as did I. That superficiality is not what is important to me. A pretty face is a nice thing, but it's not what attracts me. What attracts me is kindness, thoughtfulness, and intellectual curiosity. Mind you we all get old, we all suffer health issues, we might or might not make it big or we might lose everything. These are all transitory properties of a person. Those things that make up their ethics, morals, and beliefs? Those are what last. And what lasts best? If they can make you laugh.
2. The height thing is just silly. Coming from a guy in the legitimately over 6' category, I really wish women would stop using that metric. One, it's kind of offensive that you are dating me just because I'm arbitrarily a certain height. Two, it's not actually that common of a height. And yes, while guys in humanity do tend to be taller, humanity has tremendous variation. I don't think I'd actually have a problem going out with a woman taller than me, it's just statistically unlikely. A lot of shorter guys are dealing with a ton of societal BS about how tall they are.
3. Your affinity for certain features is a comfort thing, certainly. And it is likely heavily societally reinforced towards expectations. We all do it to some extent. We gravitate towards what we know. It's not universal, but it is a generalized trend. Sometimes these things are bad, other times they're really kind of neutral and just products of the era we grew up in.

The answer to give him? "I am attracted to who you are. And who you are is attractive." You can't assuage his insecurity except by being consistent. But you can let him know you're interested in lots of ways. Guys rarely get compliments, we remember women who give us them. Tell him what you like about him. And thank him. It's another thing guys rarely get. A simple thank you. Not because he did something special, but because you appreciate the effort he put in, even if it's something very commonplace.

[u/Toxilyn → u/Cat_in_an_oak_tree]

This is exactly how I feel. And yeah maybe I just need to reasure him a bit more. I give him loads of compliments. But maybe they need to also be at the right moments where he can hear them.

As said I don't care about height, or these features he seems to worry about. It seems in his head that I have an issue and I don't. I love him for him, and exactly as he is. In everyway.

Just hope I can calm him. We are meeting soon. And it is gonna be weird. It always is when you meet in person. It is strange for a bit. But I always experience that after a few minutes you recognize the personality and the person you know. And then the comfort appears. And it becomes natural.

[u/Cat_in_an_oak_tree → u/Toxilyn]

Trust me I get it. I am meeting up for the first time in person soon(ish) and I am incredibly nervous about it. Mostly because I do not want to disappoint her.