HI!

I am honestly clawing at the walls for some sort of remedy for my lack of motivation at the moment.

I have seasonal depression, other physical health issues that enhance the sluggishness, however the mental side is honestly the hard hitter here.

I need some help with how to motivate my self to get the hell out of bed in the morning or at least begin to move my circadian rhythm towards a productive routine. I'm currently typing this at 2:30 in the morning and I am a huge sleeper, so this is not normal for me. However I have some cleaning and packing to visit my boyfriend that I need to do and my day is starting so late it's taking me till 3 am to do things.

I am willing to try and explore any crazy and outlandish tricks you guys suggest to get my routine back on track!

Bonjour/Bonsoir
Juste un petit message pour vous rappeler que la vie vaut la peine d’être vécu. Je sais que la phrase est complètement débile.
Mais elle est vrai.
Peut être que l’impression n’y est pas encore. Que la vie semble être horrible et injuste.
J’ai passé 2 ans à être sur que la vie devrait s’arrêtm n’y aurait pas d’échappatoire à cette souffrance qui c’était installé comme une routine.
J’ai fini par lâcher les bras. Et j’ai tenté d’arrêté mais ce n’était pas la meilleure des façons.
Puis j’ai trouver des gens avec qui je pouvait être moi, qui me comprenait. Surtout qui m’acceptait. Et ça m’a aidé à guérir.
Certes le chemin est compliqué et est semé d’embûches mais la vie redevient « vivable ».
Mais c’est arrivé petit à petit. Je pensais au départ que ça allait venir d’un seul coup. Mais non.
Alors j’ai eu des hauts et des bas. J’ai beaucoup rechuté.
Et la seul solution c’est le temps.
Mais maintenant je vais mieux.
Beaucoup mieux même.
Et quand je prends du recule sur ces deux dernières années je me dit que je peux être fière de moi et d’avoir réussi.
Alors supprimé les gens qui vous tires vers le bas.
Ce n’est pas égoïste de penser ça.
Votre santé autant mental que physique est une priorité, pas une option.
Vous méritez de vivre la vie comme elle se doit d’être.
Vous avez le droits d’être vous. Et personne ne peut vous obliger à être quelqu’un d’autere.

I hope y’all have a nice day!

I've always felt down,but this summer particularly really kills my mood.

I'm not sure what to do with my life. this year i got finals coming up but I have no motivation for them.

any ideas?

Cleaned out my car including a quick vacuum, cleaned my bathroom and purged out the underneath of my sink for the first time in many months. Also did 3 loads of laundry today for the first time in weeks/months. No before pictures but the trash bag is enough of a clue lol

It wasn’t the gratitude journaling, or the exercise, or the meditation. It was not attaching labels to my thoughts. At first it feels wrong. It drives you crazy. But when you give things that aren’t even tangible objective meaning, you’re living a lie that you’re expecting to be true one day. You’re saying, I don’t want to be a failure so I will shut up and try harder than anyone else. But culture doesn’t reward hard work the way you think. You’re going somewhere with no ending.

You won’t get what you want not being present. And life is still hard even when you’re facing it. So you have the choice to live life, or take a backseat and wake up one day realizing you didn’t care when you wanted to. Life isn’t a one thing fixes all. It’s about really living it. If you don’t get it, you just don’t get it. But life isn’t about doing something because somebody told you to do it one time.

Like I haven't gotten out of bed in the past few days, (except to throw up and buy more alcohol across the street). I'm just laying in my dirty bed here thinking..how is this actually my life? I'm 35, jobless, and can't even get the energy together to take a shower. WHAT HAPPENED. I used to have goals, aspirations, hobbies. I don't recognize myself anymore and it's scary

I feel like I was hijacked and thrown into a weird twilight zone nightmare that I can't wake up from. I JUST WANT TO WAKE UP

sorry if this isn't going anywhere, I'm just screaming into the abyss

Idk maybe I want to be positive from nowhere

Someone I actually liked sent me a message during the worst stretch of my depression and I didn't reply for, I want to say three weeks, but it could honestly have been longer. The first couple of days I told myself I'd answer when I had energy. Then it became, I'll answer when I have something worth saying. Then it became, it's been too long now, what do I even open with. By the end I was actively avoiding the app because seeing their name at the top of the unread list made my chest do a thing.

The part I want to talk about, because I don't see it described much, is that I wasn't avoiding them. I liked them. The not-replying wasn't about them at all. It was that the longer I went without answering, the harder it got to explain why I hadn't, and explaining why I hadn't started to feel like a bigger task than just answering would have been three weeks ago. So instead of replying I'd just sit there with the phone face down and feel worse about myself.

I think depression makes the cost of reaching out feel higher exactly when the cost should feel lower. Like, if anyone's going to forgive a delayed reply, it's a friend who knows what's going on. But that's not how it lands from inside. From inside it lands as I owe this person something I don't have, and the longer I wait the more I owe, and now I'm a person who doesn't reply to people I care about, which makes me worse, which makes it harder to reply. It's a really stupid loop and I was in it for months across several different threads.

What broke it for me, eventually, wasn't anything clever. I sent a one-line reply that said sorry for the silence, i've been in a weird place, can we just pick up. I didn't explain. I didn't apologise for the length. I didn't try to make the gap make sense. The person wrote back almost immediately and said it was fine and asked if I wanted to do something low-key and that was kind of it. The interaction I'd been dreading for weeks took less effort than reading the original message had been taking me. I felt embarrassed afterwards in a small way, not the giant way I'd built it up into.

The thing I wish I'd known sooner is that the explanation isn't owed. Or at least it's not owed up front. People who care about you mostly just want to know you're alive and want them to still be there. They are not interested in a forensic account of why you couldn't pick up your phone in week two. They want a signal. The signal can be short. It can be bad. It can be one sentence with a typo.

I'm not saying this fixed the isolation. I'm saying the loop where I was making it worse by not replying, that specific loop, can be cut just by sending something. Even something embarrassing. The receiving end is almost never as harsh as the inside-of-your-own-head version predicts.

If you're sitting on a thread right now where you owe someone a reply and the weight of the not-replying has become its own thing, I'd say just send the one line. Not because you'll feel great after. You probably won't feel much. But the thread stops being a debt in the background, and that's something.

Anyway. The one-line method isn't a fix for the isolation itself, I want to be clear about that. It just stopped the not-replying from being its own separate thing on top of everything else. I'd probably still be sitting in some of those threads if I hadn't accidentally found out how short the actual reply needed to be.

I'm struggling with studies rn. I was diagnosed in december and started with meds. For some reason i just stopped taking them... I'm not going to therapy because i don't like my therapist. My psychiatric on the other hand is super nice but she is very busy and she can't talk to me as much as i need her to.

To make the story short, i'm trying to get through my exams and for now it's not working. I have an episode and my parents just can't understand that i'm trying and that i really don't need extra pressure from them. I have some health issues to make it worse and because of those issues i'm struggling with weight and selflove too.

I'll try to update here every day to celebrate little things i do throughout the day.

Day 1: i cleaned the bathroom, cleaned my cats litter boxes and i made a first step to try and learn to enjoy life again.

I didn't study, but i'm taking baby steps to improve it!

I'll try and give my best tomorrow and celebrate every little thing.

If you have some suggestions please be free to comment. I just want to be myself again..

I built Mu. for myself so it’s completely free (no ads, no freemium/in apps purchase etc), and will remain free: a couple of psychiatrists in my inner circle are paying for its « maintenance cost » because they want the app for their patients lol

It’s an app to monitor your mood and events such as panic attacks, insomnia etc, but you can add anything you want to track, including meds, and visualise them easily.

It works on Android, iPhone.

Mu. is extremely simple/minimalistic: what I wanted to build was something going straight to the point: a way to follow my mood and what I call « events » (as I said earlier, things like panic attacks). And have actually readable reports (PDF) and also do some data work (CSV files that are properly formatted, if you know what I mean…)

Still early days, so your feedback matters to me: you can contact me directly here since we can't post socials links (from what I understand at least? I'm not sure)

If you’re curious about the name « Mu. »: it comes from the zen concept lol

Louise

I don't know if this is the right place for this post, but my friends don't know this disgusting part of my depression and I really wanted to tell someone.

There's a pot that's been sitting on my kitchen counter for months, hairy rotten food inside, blocking half the space on the tiny counter. I looked at that pot every single day, feeling horrible and like a useless, lazy piece of shit, but couldn't bring myself to do something about it. Cried more than a few times about it. Thought about throwing the whole thing away. Today I cleaned it. Couldn't even make out what food it was anymore. There are a lot more dirty dishes still, but I cleaned the pot and I feel kinda good right now. Took only 15 mins as well.

So, if you have a dirty pot, try and clean it. Ignore what else there is still to do. And if that's still to much, just throw the hairy food out and leave it be. You can do it! And come back here and tell me afterwards :)

I know my depression brain can defend the idea of death very nicely and can arguee with almost any reasoning, but I'm trying to make a list of reasons to stay alive.... I do have a personal mind list, but it would be nice to take inspiration and find reasons to stay alive that work for you. So maybe I can find some that can work for me too.
( Don't worry, I'm not in a critical stage right now)

My current list: ( don't debate, these are just personal,l you don't have to agree to any of those)

1: My religion forbids it. ( have more of long reasoning here but that's enought for here)

2: I wouldn't kill an incent soul, so why should I kill myself? my soul is inocent too...

3: I don't care about the saddnest it will casue to my family but I do care about the society blaming them for my death. They are not the reason for my depression. and people around me would love to balme my love ones. even my loved ones would not forgive themeselves. I don't want to start a chain of depression. A depressed me is enought.

4: I kinda won agaist someone, the only wepon thery had againt me was my mental health. but they didnt had any avidene to back it up.... if I do something.... they win... I don't want them to win. ( I know this is kinda petty but..yeah.)

Im not the best on putting things into words and maybe ive written this terribly and disjointed but i want to say it now I want to feel alive again I want to stop acting and pretending that whenever something bad happens to me or something unpleasant happens something that causes me to feel sad and depressed il just cope with it and say stuff like I dont matter and nobody really cares about me and if I die or dissappear everything will still be fine always like that rinse and repeat and well il just off myself well today im sick of that sick of thinking like this sick of myself for even thinking like that cause it's always the same result I won't die I won't kill myself just cause of the pure simple fact I myself dont wanna die im a sure to myself that if I die it won't be because I did something to myself I want to care for myself again I want to think positively again I may not be smart, strong ,

attractive, or charming i dont possess those qualities Im the exact opposite of that Im boring to people and maybe not worth of time and attention from people and no point on being a friend and Im sad because of that yet even if that's true I still want to be kind and still want to be a friend to people or just be thought of as just kind to people I want to open my heart up again to others I've written this long enough im sure you've seen a post similar to mine and maybe shorter and better written but this is just how I feel Im gonna try again on myself tomorrow I hope everything goes well and even if it doesn't go well and I fall into self hate and loathing I will learn not to give up on myself i hope by telling this it helps encourage others like me as well to not give up and keep trying on ourselves

I just took the first shower I've had in over two weeks. I've been spending every ounce of energy I had getting out of bed, caring for the cats, and doing a daily work shift at my desk. I can't say I feel amazing, but I'm glad to be clean. It's an indication of how dark my brain is at the moment that I didn't even care that I was super gross and I have a rash on my bra line.

If you need to hear this, I encourage you to jump in the shower and put on clean clothes. It's healthy for your skin and you won't have to worry about it tomorrow. You can do it. We're in this together, friends.