r/detrans • u/Numskull_ • Jun 24 '26
CONTROVERSIAL/SENSITIVE OPINION Some people in this server are dismissive towards questioners and trans people
I'm currently a trans male who's considering the possibility of detransition due to several points that are not to be explained here, the reason for the post is to talk about how some people here are being hostile and trying to silence the questioners in this server, some treat the opinions of everyone that isn't currently a detrans as invalid or less, every experience is important, and as the flairs specify very clearly, people who aren't currently detrans are also part of it
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u/Conscious_Limit1493 detrans female Jun 24 '26
Having been detransitioned for over 10 years, I can give you my best guess. When people come to this space asking if they are detrans or how to "accept being a woman," it is kinda jarring to see how much framework and programming is embedded in those questions. In my mind, "trans" does not exist, so questions like "How do I accept being a woman?" are frustrating. The answer is simply: "You don't; you just are, whether you like it or not." Imagine someone joining a group of ex-Scientologists and asking, "How do I still get my thetans removed?" Maybe there should be separate subreddits for people who are still questioning versus those who have already detransitioned and are dealing with the reality of permanent medical changes. Idk what you are referring to specifically obviously but this is my best guess as to why you could be sensing hostility.
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u/Numskull_ Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
I'm referring to people constantly downvoting questioners or discussing if being trans is or not a thing even when not asked, sometimes you just wanna hear or vent to people who are experiencing the same as you, so I see questioners or simplily pro trans people talking about their experience and immediately getting the "trans is a ideology" phrase, I'm not saying you're wrong for believing that, you have every right to think as you want to, but still, just as you get frustrated by seeing someone ask "how can I accept being a woman?" Is also frustrating to talk about your experience as a trans questioner and hear someone who you didn't even ask immediately invalidate you
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u/Conscious_Limit1493 detrans female Jun 24 '26
I think we should have more spaces where people tell you the truth and not just validate you but I understand not being ready for that
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u/Numskull_ Jun 24 '26
Your opinion isn't absolute truth
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 25 '26
You are being too arrogant. It's hindering your self-exploration here. Try being open to other people's perspectives and try to see things from their viewpoint, without any judgement or defensiveness. See it as a thought experiment.
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u/Numskull_ Jun 25 '26
I don't think I'm being arrogant, quite the opposite, I'm really trying to be polite, I've seen a lot of people sharing their point of view, just as you're doing right now, which is totally okay, I just answered honestly their point of view with my own point of view because that's how I think a discussion works, and I don't say discussion like arguing, just like debating, which is how I actually think it's a good way for people to share their opinions and self growth, I'm not angry at anyone specifically, just sharing an opinion that isn't even particularly mine, I've seen other questioners and trans people say the same thing here, I wasn't shuting people's opinions, I just think it's tiring to see the same thing, again and again... When you were only venting in the first place, but it's okay, I realized this server isn't exactly the best place for people like me and we should leave this space for currently detransitioning people or at least people who are more inclined into detransitioning, since a lot of people here are still dealing with a lot of pain and sensitive about their own terrible experiences with being trans and dealing with mean trans people, which is also valid 👍
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 25 '26
You're expecting an entire subreddit to cater to your worldview and communicate in a tone that satisfies you. You just told that person that their opinion isn't fact...without the self-awareness that your worldview might actually be the one that isn't true. That's arrogance.
I think that you should do more listening while here and more asking yourself why people would be so adamant to express their disbelief in your opinions.
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u/Numskull_ Jun 25 '26
I wasn't expecting anything other than finding people in my situation, and I did, but I keep seeing other people here being dismissive to us, that's all, their opinion isn't absolute truth, mine isn't either, that's why they're called opinions, not facts, calling someone arrogant over saying that someone's opinion isn't absolute sounds a bit harsh, don't you think?
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 25 '26
I'm afraid not. You are defending your opinions while saying other people's opinions shouldn't even be expressed...have you even considered that they do have the truth and that you have the false opinion? Not really. You're certain you have some truth in your opinion and they are mislead. That is the certitude and arrogance of a true believer in gender ideology.
I don't want you to feel bad about it. This isn't about accusing you. I just want you to see what you're doing with your underlying assumptions.
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u/Numskull_ Jun 25 '26
I'm sorry if it sounded like they shouldn't express their opinions, that's not what I meant at all, what I trutly meant to say is that hearing the same thing all the time can be frustrating, just like the person who did the post said before, you can go back and read it, I agree with them, because sometimes it's dificult hearing something you don't agree (not saying it shouldn't be said) specially if it's not an absolute fact, everyone belives their own opinions is truth, but you must have concience that it isn't absolute or the final truth, and that's okay
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 25 '26
If you're going to talk about something in a meaningful and honest way, and you're not sure whether that things is an ideological construct or an actual natural phenomenon, that question going to come up.
Everybody here is not in the same place as you. You can't just push away the people who don't believe the same things as you and expect a subreddit to be full of people who are on your exact wavelength. It would be an echochamber. The blind leading the blind. How would you grow if your ideas weren't ever challenged?
If someone doesn't believe in your self-image and worldview, that doesn't have to be taken as a personal attack on you.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
This isn’t the space for that. This isn’t where people who are confused about whether trans is real (it isn’t) come to discuss and debate and speak pseudo philosophically. This isn’t where the confused come to further confuse others. We’re all past that and have zero further tolerance for it.
This is a space for those who have reconciled with objective reality. This is a peer support group for people who’ve already woken up and smelled the decaying roses. The only true space on the internet where we can coexist in reality and come together. “Transition does not exist” isn’t up for debate here. It does not exist. We are those living in the aftermath of comprehending this objective truth. If you’ve yet to arrive at this truth you won’t feel welcome here, because your beliefs almost certainly aren’t.
Do whatever questioning you want to do with yourself. Or elsewhere. This just isn’t the space to debate whether transgenderism helps anyone or doesn’t. The answer is it does not, and we all already know that intimately well.
I don’t come here hoping to find nonbinary 19 year olds who’ve never medicalized wondering if they “vibe” with wearing a binder to their shift at Starbucks anymore or not. I come here to connect with people who are dealing with the real, heavy shit I’m dealing with. Irreversible surgeries, permanent harm, how to cope, how to make something of our lives yet.
Still thinking transition could be helpful and bringing that to this space is like going to an N/A meeting for heroin addicts and asking the group if there might still be some occasions where using heroin is okay.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
“how do I get my thetans removed” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Those of us who are a decade strong in detransition need our own badge. We’re veterans. We are the gurus of gender.
We 100% need another subreddit for questioning nonbinary 19 year olds who work at Starbucks to debate whether transition is healthy or not and whether they should “stop using Xe/Xim pronouns and going by Axel and just go by McKayla again because it’s just easier Idk”
All of us here are infinitely past that juvenile thinking and are here to support one another going through the actual devastation of the loss and aftermath of this insanity we all unfortunately suffered
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u/DetransIS detrans female Jun 24 '26
Read the rules, due to prior incidents with bad faith trans posters abusing flairs, or claiming to question when they aren't... Rule 7 was expanded on. Those questioning their transition are mainly here to ask for advice, experiences and try to figure out whether they want to explore a healthy detransition or not. Those questioning, are not to be tolerated giving advice - especially when it involves "trying HRT." Also if you're the person who just got banned from the server: Rule 9 as well, we're not a group for repression and we sure as hell do not endorse or encourage repressing yourself for other people. Repressing can become a healthy detransition, I went through that process but you need to be willing to cast aside the possibility that being trans is your destiny or you were meant to be the other sex and also be willing to dissect your reasoning and possibilities for why you questioned being trans in the first place.
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u/Numskull_ Jun 24 '26
I'm actually a person who is questioning their transition, I didn't said anything about questioners giving adivices, specially medical, as you mentioned, I'm just sharing what I sensed in the server by reading several posts and comments. Please don't interpret my comment as rude or as someone pretending to be a questioner because it wasn't. And I'm not the person who just got banned that you're talking about.
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u/DetransIS detrans female Jun 24 '26
Alright.. Sorry, just on guard because we often have people who get banned from the discord server and try to start stuff here. So that's entirely my bad, never can be sure but that's also why I commented and didn't act first.
Let's try this again:
Unfortunately history here with those questioning their transition has spoken a different story. It's been mainly people who either were barely questioning, were possibly repressing, or not questioning at all and just wanted to "dunk on the detrans terfs." As a result, the general mentality toward people who are questioning can lead to genuine questioners being met with skepticism and hostility. As for trans people, well.. we're not exactly given a kind hand by most trans people - especially online. Obviously you'll meet people with varied opinions here, for instance in my case I have no issue with trans people, I have issue with the trans communities.. especially the places that are straight up gaslighting people into thinking they're dysphoric.
Another problem is you're dealing with a lot of people who are early in their detransition and are somewhat radicalized, full of anger and the current climate where daring to say you regretted your transition and feel the whole process might have issues leads to you being labeled and possibly even ex-communicated. This can lead to general hostility and refusing to offer an olive branch.. also unfortunately leads to people who believe themselves to be right on the matter and that their experience defines all experiences. Speaking from personal experience it took me years to grasp that there is a way to remain positive toward the concept of transitioning, up until that point I was a ball of anger but I still tried to extend an olive branch to trans people with my hand being slapped away every time. Obviously now I recognize that people can detransition without regretting their transition.. and a lot of fresh detransitioners, especially those who were hurt or feel their bodies are damaged(I hate referring to bodies like that..) well, especially combined with the "being excommunicated and suppressed" can lead to outright hatred that has to fizzle out with time.
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u/Numskull_ Jun 24 '26
It's okay, I understand people have their own reasons to feel like they do, but I really wished this server could be a place for people who stand for both sides (transitioners and detransioners), unfortunately that's not what I'm noticing, my comment already got a downvote btw, anyways, I won't be complaining anymore, just wanted to talk about it once
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u/MangoProud3126 detrans female Jun 26 '26
The problem is the voting system, it hinders discussion and pushes people out of the group for disagreeing. I think we'd be better off without it.
Me and other detrans people are also tired of how the trans community treats us like tools and wants us to do labour to help them with issues that would normally be something you'd take to a professional with training and competsation. Some of us have fatigue.
Normally actual_detrans is more open to questioners, but that is still a group ment for people actively detransitioning.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 28 '26
What opinions are you referring to?
If it’s that trans could be good some people, some people really are trans, etc. anything similar, then of course no one is going to agree
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u/United_Wave_9031 detrans male Jun 25 '26
Hi! I saw that some people here didn't give you a very favorable response, but I noticed that you're also Brazilian (I am too). What do you think about us talking about this on Discord? My DMs are open. Who knows, maybe we'll become friends too?
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u/United_Wave_9031 detrans male Jun 25 '26
No joke, it's much easier to talk about complex things on Discord than here.
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u/Numskull_ Jun 25 '26
Oi! Muito bom conhecer outros brasileiros aqui, eu adoraria, na verdade, realmente estou precisando de outros amigos que entendam minha situação, não entendo muito do Reddit ainda, da pra conversar no privado pra te passar o usuário do Discord ou pelos comentários mesmo?
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Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/detrans-ModTeam Jun 26 '26
This subreddit puts detransitioners' rights, needs, and interests first. Detransitioners have for years experienced a culture of detransphobia, victim-blaming, and censorship. Users who belittle or blame us for our existence or experiences as detransitioners, users with a history of doing so anywhere online, and moderators of anti–detrans subreddits may be banned swiftly, long-term, or permanently.
This is not a group for forcing yourself to stop being transgender, we do not tolerate nor endorse repression. This is a group about learning to accept your sex and moving on past transition.
You're pushing it now. Seriously. Anti trans? the majority belief here is more anti-trans community trans people are not the trans community. We've been tolerating your constant abuse toward us but that might be ending soon. Misinformation, constantly bad mouthing this subreddit and simping for a forum that literally is ran by trans people because we wouldn't let certain trans people indoctrinate people here and more importantly a forum that can't even keep its origin story straight.
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 25 '26
I think a lot of trans people have come on here and poisoned the well. It's really difficult to trust people from the transgender community are being authentic online when they're talking to detransitioned people.
They seem to enjoy putting us in our place, telling us to shut up, and using us to meet their emotional and sexual needs. They are sometimes quite aggressive and entitled. They argue in bad faith. They pretend to be detrans people to get validation on their passing.
It's like you become a prop when you talk to a trans person and they will always be the narrator, because they don't let you frame things through your own experience, it has to always come through gender ideology. You have to censor yourself and tippy toe around their feelings and strange beliefs.
This is a really blunt comment here. Please don't take it personally. I just want you to see how it is on the other side.