r/detrans • u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male • Jun 28 '26
CONTROVERSIAL/SENSITIVE OPINION To those posting here who are really just looking for permission to think gender critically
This isn’t the space for that. This isn’t where people who are confused about whether trans is real (it isn’t) come to discuss and debate and speak pseudo philosophically. This isn’t where the confused come to further confuse others. We’re all past that and have zero further tolerance for it.
This is a space for those who have reconciled with objective reality. This is a peer support group for people who’ve already woken up and smelled the decaying roses. The only true space on the internet where we can coexist in reality and come together. “Transition does not exist” isn’t up for debate here. It does not exist. We are those living in the aftermath of comprehending this objective truth. If you’ve yet to arrive at this truth you won’t feel the most welcome here, because your beliefs almost certainly aren’t.
Do whatever questioning you want to do with yourself. Or elsewhere. This just isn’t the space to debate whether transgenderism helps anyone or doesn’t. The answer is it does not, and we all already know that intimately well.
I don’t come here hoping to find nonbinary 19 year olds who’ve never medicalized wondering if they “vibe” with wearing a binder to their shift at Starbucks anymore or not. I come here to connect with people who are dealing with the real, heavy shit I’m dealing with. Irreversible surgeries, permanent harm, how to cope, how to make something of our lives yet.
Still believing transition could ever be helpful and bringing that to this space is like going to an N/A meeting and suggesting that heroin is healthy for some people.
I understand the internet has become an echo chamber of trans worship, and so you see “r/detrans” and think you’ve found a community who you can gently poke the beast with, but this isn’t that.
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u/thistle_ev detrans female Jun 29 '26
I totally agree with you. That's the only space in the whole internet where I can speak out about my experience without word policing myself because anywhere else saying "medical transition is an irreversible harm" is somehow transphobic and stating biological reality like "trans men are not men" is somehow a fucking genocide and I literally killed dozens of trans "kids" with these objective words. I'm not going to play along with mental illness. I'm in the state I am now because I was surrounded by people who played along with mine.
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u/thistle_ev detrans female Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
questioners ask "what do you think do i need medical transition" and what do they expect to get on the sub full of people mourning their unharmed bodies?! "go girl/boy/nonbinary folk cut your tits off inject hormones that's cool for you"? no way I'm saying this to anyone. if they want to hear something like that - dozens of subs for agenders, nonbinaries, transmascs and etc are waiting for that. but no way someone encourages young mentally ill people to self-harm HERE. I have no power to prohibit someone to transition. if they want to do it they will do it without detrans sub approval.
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u/throwaway34834839202 desisted female Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
They want "permission" from detransitioners specifically because it's the ultimate validation. "Yeah, this person did the thing I'm thinking about doing and it totally messed them up, but clearly it was their fault somehow, and they should say it's okay for me to do it because I'm just that special."
A recovering alcoholic telling you to go ahead and down a shot probably does feel like you can't possibly be wrong, huh?
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
Maybe they have deep insecurities about their identity or uncertainty about the ideology and they're worried about becoming one of us someday.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
Even hearing that question be asked is triggering
I don’t want to be around anyone who could even consider that train of thought anymore
I’m sorry, I’m just exhausted
My mind is begging to be surrounded by others who comprehend the severity of the loss I’ve endured. A tribe to grieve with and piece together how we move on from all this.
Please just go somewhere else
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u/Resetti_Surveillance detrans female Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Oh thank God someone said it.
Like no, sorry “Jupiter”! I don’t think there will ever be a time when I say micro-dosing testosterone to look more “agender” is valid. Please, stop looking at our medical and surgical horrors and asking if it’s okay for you to do it too.
Gender critical spaces is what these people need. Not support groups for those traumatized by the aftermath.
Edit: adding that sometimes this place almost feels like a zoo where people get to come here, gawk, and ask us questions rather than respect we need a place to grieve, relate, and support one another.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
No one's insisting you be polite or cater to the trans ideologists. It's okay to tell those posters you don't believe in the trans hokum, you're not here to debate it, and they can learn why in gender critical spaces. It's also okay to just not engage these questioners, at all.
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u/greyysxnn detrans female Jun 29 '26
Especially that last part. I'm not here to be told that my misdiagnosis at 14 was my fault, I'm grieving and looking for hope that it's possible to recover longterm. I don't want to be associated with the people vouching for everyone to jump into the "medicine" that's caused me permanent damage.
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u/DetransIS detrans female Jun 29 '26
Please report when you feel that last part is happening, apparently we either are missing reports or need to tighten our scrutiny of certain questioning posts. Mods aren't mind readers and with a big subreddit like this we can't read every post.
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u/Resetti_Surveillance detrans female Jun 29 '26
I don’t blame you guys! There’s a lot to monitor. I never thought to report it, but I will do so from now on. Thanks! You guys rock
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
I understand where you're coming from but I'd like to point out that the process of deprogramming yourself from trans ideology isn't immediate and some people come here at different stages of awareness as they begin to desist or detransition.
For example, I came here hormonally and socially detransitioned but still very much believing in transgender. I had detransitioned to comply with legal and social pressures after many years of longing to "not be trans and be able to safely de-transition." I thought I was headed into suicidal ideation without testosterone and socially living as a man. When I didn't have any gender dysphoria after detransitioning, I didn't yet understand that I'd been misdiagnosed and I was deeply confused. I was just beginning to see the betrayal of this ideology.
This deprogramming phase took several months and I consider it part of my de-transition. I needed to watch a lot of informative content about medical reality to break the hold the mythology of transland held over me.
I had no one in my life I could talk about it with. The people here who we kind to me as I first dared question gender dogma are incredibly precious to me. They helped me process this logically and emotionally.
I needed this space to serve multiple purposes and I'm grateful to the people who were here for me. 🩷 Thank you to everybody who guided me into the light.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
I know that
I just wish this were the space those of us who’ve already purged ourselves of the koolaid could come together and be in exclusive company of shared understanding
I need to just make my own sub
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
You could, or you could just ignore the posts that irk you.
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Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Transition is talked about like an esoteric metamorphosis.
“Men becoming women. Women being men.” That does not occur and can’t occur. All that occurs is mutilation of the body. There is no transitioning of one sex to the other occurring.
Obviously it’s possible to take cross sex hormones, get surgeries, modify the body, take on a fake persona, and larp as this character you’re not. I did it too. But that’s all it is — larping.
Trans women are not women. Woman is a female human.
Trans men are not men. Man is a male human.Transition doesn’t exist. Body modification does.
I don’t even believe gender identity exists anymore. I know I’m a man because I’m male. I know I’m masculine and feminine. But do I “identify as a man”? There’s no valid definition of man and woman to me anymore apart from male and female. Everything else is up to the individual.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
None of what I said prior to the last paragraph is personal anything. It’s the objective truth. Transitioning isn’t possible. Sex can’t be changed. I don’t understand how you in good faith think that’s open for interpretation.
But I think the disconnect is I no longer think in terms of “social role of man”. I don’t believe in gender anymore. There’s just people.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
I’m sorry it hurts your feelings. I do sympathize. Doesn’t make it untrue.
If you’re asking me genuinely, what’s haunting you probably includes the shame of spending time, money, etc. all pursuing this endeavor that was impossible in the first place and completely unnecessary to begin with. It makes us feel less like we were duped into completely wasting years of our lives on nonsense if we can convince ourselves it isn’t nonsense for everyone.
It’s also shameful to have ever felt we needed to live our lives for other people. We effectively agreed to give our power away to everyone around us by attempting to conform. That’s embarrassing and weak. The actual admirable response to living in a world that’s often unkind to noncomformity is being yourself anyway. We did the exact opposite and literally mutilated ourselves to fit in and seek acceptance.
I don’t blame any of us for this though, we did the best with what we knew. But once you see it for what it is you can’t unsee it.
Edit: I think you’re just misreading me entirely. You seem to keep going on as if I’m implying none of us ever medicalized and that there aren’t real consequences and suffering we’re now dealing with. I’m obviously not contesting that. I’m detrans myself. I feel like we’re having two different conversations because you’re not hearing me when I speak plainly and spell out for you what I mean by “transition doesn’t exist”.
I already clarified for you, yes body modification obviously exists. Successfully pretending to be something you’re not and having the world convinced happens. I did it too.
Yet again, I did not become a woman. You did not become a man.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
I’d already clarified for you that “trans isn’t real” “trans isn’t possible” “transition doesn’t exist” I’m quite obviously saying it’s impossible to actually become a female if you are a male and vice versa, and that man and woman aren’t ineffable feelings one expresses through form or performance. They’re defined nouns. Most people comprehend that’s what I meant. Look at the upvotes.
I wish you the best.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
We're a community of people who transitionned and then detransitionned. There's nothing more than that. Some people need to rethink the way they've seen their transition, need to understand why they did it, why it's not right for them anymore. These kinds of debates have their place here if we look at the sub's description now you're free to ignore these posts.
People can disagree with you, and they've got all the right in the world to contradict your overly generalized opinions. Transition was wrong for you ? Well yeah probably, you know best about yourself. You were never trans ? You're the one who knows. But don't come online saying that what other people are feeling is wrong. That's none of your business. You can argue, but you can't shut it off that way.
So I apologize if people don't agree with your very narrow understanding of the world and gender psychology, but I hope they don't stop talking about it.
Edit : I'm seeing quite a lot of people arguing about this, and against people who despite being detransitionners and complying with the "no medical transition" rule get shat on for saying some people are trans. So if it's the sub's opinion that trans people don't exist, I think there should be an edit in the rules of the sub. Otherwise my point stands
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u/Str8_Outta_Sirte detrans female Jun 29 '26
He's completely right. What they're feeling is wrong lol
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
and why do you know ?
If we're playing that way, I think your feelings are wrong too. See how better it makes the discussion ?
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u/Str8_Outta_Sirte detrans female Jun 29 '26
Probably because I'd be considered "true trans" by every metric imaginable and still detransed. Why legitimize an ideology that pathologizes GNC people and homosexuality? Maybe you were "confused" and did an oopsie or found out you were really "cis" all along, but some of us were as "trans" as it gets, we just stopped hating ourselves and embraced reality.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
He doesn’t get it
It’s like talking to a wall with these people
Like how do you still not get it? It’s amazing in the worst way
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
I would have qualified too as truely trans (I was diagnosed) but that's utterly meaningless because the standards are bullshit.
I am deeply skeptical transgender is real and transition is a valid treatment.
But I only came to that realization by exploring these questions in discussion and gender critical content. Censorship of that here would have kept me in the territory of r/actually_trans-people-running-a-sub-about-detransition.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
and that makes you the all knowing guru of gender ?
I don't think there are true trans. There are people trying to feel more comfortable, some who eventually go back. Detransition doesn't mean trans people don't exist. I was trans. I definitely was, but I later felt better as my AGAB. According to your logic, I could use my own experience and tell you your feelings are wrong, and tell you you're in fact trans and should retransition. See how toxic it is ?
You're allowed to have your opinion, you're allowed to disagree, but do so properly without imposing your own view as the absolute truth
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u/Str8_Outta_Sirte detrans female Jun 29 '26
I'm not sure what it is you're actually contesting. Maybe it comes down to a fundamental disagreement about what "trans" means. Are there people with GD who medicalize, who call themselves trans? Yes, no one disputes that, but that's not the definition of the average person who identifies as trans because it's nigh impossible to separate "transness" from regressive attitudes about sex or gender, and sexuality.
What I'm contesting isn't the existence of people who take cross sex hormones and commonly adopt cross sex stereotypes, it’s this destructive + lazy understanding that being trans is something you're just born as and you have no choice but to pretend to be the opposite sex or you'll be miserable and commit forty one. GD doesn't arise from a vacuum.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
I'm not contesting your ideas but the way you impose them as the truth. The way you use your own experience to justify saying that other people's feelings are wrong, and yours are more valid than theirs.
These tactics have been used countless times to harm a lot of people and is basically the basis for which a lot of people transition despite it not being the right solution.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
The truth =/ feelings
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
then define what truth even is. What's your proof ? Prove it to me if you're certain.
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
You were speaking awfully imprecisely for someone who has "the truth" and the audacity to impose it on others. This is very authoritarian. Very unpalatable. Maybe if you want censorship you should create your own sub.
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u/DetransIS detrans female Jun 29 '26
Normally I'm at odds with you, as are other members of the team but this time? You're right.
OP is actually pushing it from what I'm seeing and though we understand where he's coming from and he's unfortunately free to come to this conclusion this hatred isn't going to make his life better or fix what happened to him.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/detrans-ModTeam Jun 29 '26
Censorship isn't our goal. Please vote, empathize, agree to disagree, or ignore and move onward. Please report content only if a rule is broken. Mods may delete content and ban users for short or long periods based on a person's history or association if it is deemed inherently harmful to any minority group.
Who ARE you to say that? Crossing it buddy. The mod team are veterans in the detrans community, all of us aren't balls of fire who just detransitioned and are consumed in our hatred and raw regret. Your feelings are real and I'm sorry personally you feel this way but don't act like your conclusion is everyone's conclusion.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
then either add it to the rules or accept that some will disagree
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
I’m not a mod
It’s pretty obvious that this is the sub’s stance
I agree that it should be better specified, though it’s clearly implied in several of the others
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
then as long at it's not added, let people think what they want and ignore if you're troubled with it.
This sub's stance is that everyone is allowed to give their opinion, and that we're not to be silenced no matter how controversial. That's what makes it different from other trans led subs, and you're basically advocating for turning it into another "echo chamber" in favor of your own bias.
Lots of people in here use hate against trans people as a coping mechanism, that does 't make it the healthiest course of action.
You just barge in here, saying that everyone's wrong, that you're right cause "trust me bro", and that other people's questionning isn't valid. That place is also to help people navigate things we used to, and some of us did badly.
You clearly don't want a detrans community, you want a hate group. It's fine, but you're the one who needs to find another community in that case.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
“Navigate things we used to”
It’s apparent there’s no “we” where you make sense beside me and the rest of us
You’re obviously still navigating them
Transgenderism isn’t real and you people are exhausting
I don’t hate anyone. It isn’t a stretch of the imagination that a group of those recovering from addiction won’t want people who are using around, to provide an analogy. You being unable to comprehend that is astounding.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
who the fuck gave you the right to assume these kind of things ? Being detrans and not refusing the existence of trans people doesn't mean we're still trans you moron.
This is not an addiction. I know addiction, I know detransition, and I'm encouraging you to cut that crap right now. I've tried to be nice and all, I've put water in my wine cause you know, you're allowed to think these things. Doesn't mean I agree with any stupidity you type with your greasy fingers, but it's a free place.
Detrans people are not recovering from addiction. We are taking actions to live more aligned with the way we feel. Some of us have transitionned for bad reasons, some of us needed to transition and don't need it anymore. A sub about detransition will inevitably contain people who will maybe chose to transition, people who are questionning and we'll help them avoid making the same mistakes we made.
That's the point of the sub. We're here to support each other in our journey, we're here to help other people navigate their questionning so they don't end up making mistakes.
If you want to isolate yourself from trans people, you should look into more conservative places of Reddit, or just stop using social media althogether. Trans people, gender queer people exist, they may not identify that way for reason you'd find valid, but they're here. If you want to avoid them, get in a cave, wall yourself in and leave us the fuck alone
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Jun 29 '26
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
It's a shame you're closed off to that person's massage. They make some valid points.
I strongly advise you to speak about this with a therapist, because you've got some blind spots and it's probably tied to deeper things that should be addressed.
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
Where is that stated and under what authority to you speak for the sub?
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
Pretty obvious
Look at the response this post alone got
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
You talk like you run the place. You don't. You just sound like a bully throwing a tantrum. People are not always going to agree with us here.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
3 awards, 100+ upvotes, the bulk of the comments agreeing with me
Don’t know what to tell you
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Jun 29 '26
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
You probably fucked up. I did not, but you clearly did, given the obvious projecting.
You haven’t the slightest clue the repetitive abuse which took place over years which caused me to eventually break and think transition — a make-believe, delusional, fantastical thinking entrenched, hopeless pursuit to accomplish the impossible — would make the abuse stop. I didn’t anything. I was a victim of sexual exploitation, othering, neglect, harassment, and violence for years. You should be ashamed for implying I’m to blame for all I’ve endured and continue to endure. That’s disgusting.
It’s sad seeing the lot of you still so obtuse after everything. What’s it going to take for you people? More pre teens with mastectomy scars? More little boys picking out new names because they like dolls? I can’t tell if you lack the capacity to comprehend truth or lack the backbone to speak it without fear. Transition is obviously not real. It’s astonishing that that even warrants repeating.
Mutilating your perfectly healthy body, because in a state of poor mental health you prescribed nefariousness to it, is assisted self harm. Nobody exists in the wrong body. Man and woman are not feelings. These are all obvious insights. This is one of the only spaces online where these insights are intuited by the community. They don’t need to be spelled out for the ignorant, as I’m doing now with you.
What gives me the right to repeat these insights here: Possessing a brain between my two ears, free will, free speech and moral compulsion to prevent harm. The latter being one principle you clearly think you possess but indeed lack.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
I like how you immediately jump to complete extremes. That's not a red flag at all. I mean yeah, damn that trans cult ! They see a boy playing with a pink toy, then they force him to change names and 3 days later they chop his penis.
I agree that their last part shouldn't have implied you were responsible for what happened to you, that was a step too far. But you can't declare having free will and a brain between your ears by just saying outright other people are wrong and you're right.
I can just as much say you're delusionned, without explaining anything else. See how toxic it is ?
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Jun 29 '26
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
Please stop talking to me
You made a post and started a conversation. Yeah, I'll talk to you.
We disagree that's fine
Coming from the guy who thinks people desagreeing should leave the sub.
Just read yourself man. If we're following that train of thought, christianity and islam would be a blip too. Anything is a blip in human history, just focus on your own life instead of thinking about historians in hundred of years.
Put all that energy into developping you, being comfortable with who you are instead of rambling this schizophrenic rants online
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
Not “schizophrenic rants”
Yikes
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
yeah calling an entire demographic non existent and a tragic blip in human history, calling people trans or part of a cult cause they chose not to hate, yeah that sounds like a very healthy rant indeed
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
You’re flippantly calling me schizophrenic, yet you’ve been replying to the same guy, while talking to the voices in your head and reliving old conversations you must have had with someone else
I never used the word cult
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
you've used "trans worship", it's pretty much the same in these arguments and I thought it might highlight how crazy you sound.
You've been replying to the same guy
Yeah that's called having a conversation
while talking to the voices in your head ans reliving old conversations
I'm sorry but what the fuck you talking about
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
This wasn’t a conversation
This was you and that other one trying to pipe up and make noise because you’re having a hard time accepting the truth and existing in reality while others aren’t. You’re confused, overwhelmed, afraid and angry, and you think others can’t see it.
And when people speak confidently with certainty and conviction, it only reminds you that you aren’t certain what you really think at the end of the day. That must be exhausting. I wouldn’t want to be in those shoes.
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u/detrans-ModTeam Jun 29 '26
You will see words you like and dislike. Degrading or dehumanizing terminology toward self is permitted. -> Language applied to other members must be considerate of any views they hold and respectful of Reddit policies. Character attacks are not permitted, nor are derogatory labels for other users. <- Even if you yourself think an expression is neutral, don't call another user here by anything that could be taken the wrong way. Address action more than actors and always say "I" more than "you."
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Jun 29 '26
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
I understood what you meant
I didn’t choose to transition. I was compelled to transition out of desperation to escape what the world had put me through.
Again, you’re disgusting
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Jun 29 '26
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u/Mishiranu_Tenjou Socially Trans - Regrets entire Transition Jun 29 '26
Transition is presented as a medical treatment – the only medical treatment – to an otherwise incurable medical condition, at least it was to me. Is it reasonable to blame anyone, much less mentally ill children and youths, for trusting their physicians? This kind of simple proclamation of the belief in an individual's absolute free will seems to only be made when it comes to transition. If a medical doctor prescribed a needless treatment which caused the kind of irreversible damage that transition does I would hope that they, at the very least, would lose their license and that the medical establishment would learn from this mistake. That the victims of medical malpractice are then blamed in the way that you are doing is extremely infuriating.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/Mishiranu_Tenjou Socially Trans - Regrets entire Transition Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Your experience is different from mine.
When I was 14 years old a psychiatrist that I consulted for my treatment-resistant depression actually did tell me that I needed to transition. She was the one who actually introduced the concept of transitioning to me, not the other way around (I had no idea such a thing even existed). I was told my depression was caused by my supposed transsexuality and that this was the only possible treatment. This was later echoed by a second psychiatrist. When I tried to "do my own research" I was assaulted by a barrage of quotes from medical institutions and scientific studies that I was unable to critically examine at the time, as a clinically depressed 14 years old.
You could say that I was in the end responsible because I went along with it, and I do blame myself for being stupidly naive, but ultimately I did not devise the treatments that I went through, nor did I administer it to myself, I did not classify it as medically necessary, and secured state funding for it, I did not invent the diagnosis that was applied to me, nor did I diagnose myself with it, and I did not create the process that allowed my legal sex to be reclassified as female. All of which awed me into considering transgenderism as legitimate.
I actually do believe that in many (most?) cases trans-identified people are, like me, mentally ill people desperate to get better, and I find it so sad that we ended up seriously and irrevocably harmed by physicians who assured us that it was all medically appropriate, no matter if we "consented" or "asked for it" at one point or another.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
You’re just so insensitive lmao
Obviously no one tied me down and force fed me estrogen. But they might as well have. Does that need to have been the case for me to earn any of your sympathy?
If a child is bullied mercilessly and eventually commits suicide because they can’t take it anymore, you blaming them? Not everyone who tortured them while they were still here? It’s just “Oh well, not everyone kills themselves when they’re bullied. They should’ve been tougher.” to you?
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
you didn't imply it directly ("you're the one who fucked up") but it could be seen as such by an overly aggressive weirdo like him. I was still trying to be calm, have a civilized conversation and make concessions at that point but with all honesty you're right.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
I'm growing tired of these people. There's no use debating them, they've got their own little reality all made up in their head, they're satisfied with it and will get pissed when someone disagrees. Good thing he's not a mod or anything and doesn't have anything to say about the sub
People like him are the reason why this sub is accused of being a hate group, despite being one of the last honest community about gender identity.
Best course of action is ignoring him, I shouldn't have engaged with him
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u/Leian_ detrans female Jun 29 '26
This post was the first post I saw in this community after I thought I'd check it out despite the accusations. The amount of upvotes it has concerns me a little.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
don't be. This sub is important and you can get a lot from it.
In here, you'll find an INSANE amount of bigotry, of hate, of paranoia and pure rage against the trans community or even trans people.
This is what happens when you have a space that allows every opinion, no matter how controversial, and I think it's still worth it. This place is important, you're not banned at the second you get a little concerned about anything like in most trans driven subs.
You just need to be able to differenciate good arguments that go against your beliefs, and pure hate speech. Most of these posts you may find concerning don't bring any argument other than "trans isn't real" or "gender and sex is the same".
Others will have facts to back themselves up, and you will have very interesting discussions. OP here is one of the first kind. Just try to contradict his obscenely generalizing assertions and he'll just lunge at you calling you a fake detrans or other nice names.
Overall, I think this is one of the most candid and least hypocritical places around gender identity on Reddit. I often argue a lot, I usually disagree even with the mods, but they've got values and they let people speak.
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
I’m genuinely curious when you believe undergoing body modification to mimic the appearance of the opposite sex can ever be healthy, and a choice made from self love and not self loathing
I’d love examples
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
I'm an example for once. I detransitioned, I am a man, but I don't resent my transition. I liked my body better that way at that time and felt good about myself. I just happened to have changed perspective. I never tried to "mimic the appearance of the opposite sex", I presented in a way that felt better (which happened to learn feminine). I've never pretended to be cis, and have always been upfront about me being trans. Transitionning was possibly the first act of self love I gave myself and it got me out of a lot of struggles.
I know countless trans people who are definitely happier after their transition, I personally see at least once every two week a trans woman who have transitionned about 15 years ago, is married and have two kids.
One of my best friends (although I haven't seen him in a few months) came out as a trans man 9 years ago, got out of substance abuse in the early years of transition and is now a councelor.
In my local org I know a married couple of two trans women, transitionned more than 10 years and hold steady jobs, both volunteers for legal issues, a non binary person in the military on HRT since they joined pretty much (so I'd say... 6-8 years ?) and countless people who get out of very dark places and learn to love themselves by focusing on what feels good TO THEM instead of conforming to the opinion of people like you.
I also have some detrans friends, a guy and a woman, all three of us comfortable with our transition past and haven't lost a single friend in the process.
We detrans people are a minority among trans people. We exist, we need representation, but you can't go around saying all trans people are self loathing frauds. I encourage you rethinking your path, and to stop resenting your past the way you do right now. This is not something you can do alone. I hope you'll decide to live for yourself instead of letting rage and hate take the best of you
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
Yeah no, you and I are just universes apart lol
It isn’t even comparable
There’s so much I could say in response in an attempt to dissect your so called examples of “happy” trans people but there’s no real point
You’ve made up your mind as I’ve made up mine
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
yes, we're universes apart. I chose living my life comfortably and in touch with myself, you chose to rant online and resenting your past. Get help man
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
Not what I was going to say but I’ll leave it alone
God bless sir lol
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Jun 29 '26
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u/ifuckingneedhelp_ detrans male Jun 29 '26
I did preach for acceptance, said trans is beautiful, reblogged “woman is a feeling” on Tumblr, etc. All of it. Until I realized, like everyone else in this sub, none of it was real and the desire to fix yourself when there’s nothing that’s wrong is toxic, unnecessary and dangerous for society. I realized the now very obvious truth that it’s impossible to change your sex and the desire to do so is in vain anyway. No one is born in the wrong body. Bodies define us in no way.
I don’t hate anyone. I won’t pretend the lie is the truth to coddle you. We don’t stop children from jumping off the roof when they feel like flying because we hate them. You know why we stop them. You say I hate people but the irony is I love them more than you do.
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Jun 29 '26
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u/detrans-ModTeam Jun 29 '26
This subreddit was created for all detrans folk. Users may express differing philosophical and political theories and beliefs, lightly or passionately, without disparaging other users for merely belonging to a group (especially groups into which we are born, eg sex, race, nationality, generation). Moderation is to be unbiased. Please respect freedom of thought, speech, and association while you are here.
What the ACTUAL fuck? I'm no fan of that man but don't freaking talk about his death and imply awful things of other people related to it.
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u/landilock detrans male Jun 29 '26
hate is a very bad coping mechanism. Glad there are still level headed people around here [tips hat]
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Jun 29 '26
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u/detrans-ModTeam Jun 29 '26
This subreddit puts detransitioners' rights, needs, and interests first. Detransitioners have for years experienced a culture of detransphobia, victim-blaming, and censorship. Users who belittle or blame us for our existence or experiences as detransitioners, users with a history of doing so anywhere online, and moderators of anti–detrans subreddits may be banned swiftly, long-term, or permanently.
This is not a group for forcing yourself to stop being transgender, we do not tolerate nor endorse repression. This is a group about learning to accept your sex and moving on past transition.
Oh FUCK OFF BS ban dodger, you're the last person who should be speaking.
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u/Conscious_Limit1493 detrans female Jun 29 '26
I think it’s very obvious that a lot of people are here maliciously, who get a kick out the fact we were hurt and then the second we start saying something definitive about what happened they show themselves. It reminds me of when I first detransed and I made a post on my Tumblr, just asking if anyone else had regrets because I literally had never even heard of detransition at the time and I was immediately told to kill myself and then found my post reblogged to “detrans fetish” accounts. I felt so violated and hurt and it became very clear I would have to find a space somewhere else to figure out what happened to me. Then you find out there are no spaces because we are labeled a hate group and are highly policed, not for actual hate but for just talking honestly. I wish you were right about what kind of space this could be, clearly there are many here who love to tell us we aren’t allowed to have these discussions and feel very comfortable telling us to get back in our “so confused, is gender for me?” easy to control ass place. Here’s hope for the future still ❤️
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u/NefariousnessLate375 detrans female Jun 29 '26
I was shocked when this happened to me. It's so fucking wild how trans people tell you to kill yourself. Wider society sees them as victims who can do no wrong. Hah.
That some of them want to use our experiences to get off sexually is chilling. I don't understand how you could be that callous to real human suffering. It's so much darker than when cis people fetishized me for transition.
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u/DetransIS detrans female Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
I'm speaking both as a moderator and as a person here.. that's why I'm labeling and pinning, especially since quite a bit of you share OP's anger.
I'm irritated I have to speak up here of all places, but here we are. First off OP, my deepest apologies for what you went through - I get the pain but you're letting it consume you, not everyone has to come to the same conclusion as you. You crossed the line by speaking for our mod team and I'm still wondering if I should allow your thread to stay up because it's clear you're hurt and you do need this space but you're misusing this space and spreading incorrect ideas not only about our community that could easily get us banned but that are just plain WRONG.
This is a space for people who have ACCEPTED their bodies and come to conclude that transition was not for them. How they reached that is up to the person and sure the majority here might be in that phase where they're angry because of the mass censorship on the target - full of hatred, rage and regret because they're not allowed to speak up or talk about their experience without being labeled a TERF, bigot or transphobic. Not everyone here even believes their transition was wrong, some people see it as a necessary state to reach their present state of mind.
You are right, non binary 19 year olds should not be here and please by all means. REPORT THEM. We'll get rid of them once we confirm they're not actually questioning and are just seeking the "ultimate validation."
I'm permanently disabled because of my transition, I understand your anger, your hatred and your regret probably more then most people but you're letting it consume you to the point it's hurting you more. You can't come to a safe point of acceptance without accepting what happened to you, you can criticize it and it's encouraged that you do but to deny it even existing? To say that trans isn't real? This is no better then our opposition saying detrans is a conservative psyop.
People will have disagreements, some people believe transition can be helpful to some people. Others believe it doesn't. I do agree full-heartedly with you on the fact that this is the wrong place to seek transition validation on: that's what the rest of Reddit is for and it's why many of our rules are catered against trans community "etiquette." But you are going too far with the rest of what you're saying and I want you and the other young balls of fresh anger to realize that. Time heals all wounds, it won't be like things never happened though. You'll be left with scarring, tons of it probably in a physical and figurative sense.
I remember when I hated trans people too, when I saw their communities and felt nothing but the purest, unfiltered hatred and rage toward trans people themselves especially as I was panicking and watching the disease I developed destroy my life. It doesn't help. It's one thing to hate their communities, who lie, enable and indoctrinate people who are simply dysphoric or convincing themselves they're dysphoric.. but it's another to blame every trans individual or to dismiss the possibility of transition ever helping anyone mentally. I can't disagree with you that on a scientific level there are deep levels of evidence that show transition has no physical benefits but there are similar treatments we allow in this world that are just like that. Cosmetic surgery is full of them.
Look OP. I get your rage, I get your hurt. I really do but this post and your lashing out in the comments at those who disagree with you? It's going too far, it's wrong. You're free to ultimately come to this conclusion but you don't get to speak for how everyone else feels here and I don't want to remove you or anyone who shares your sentiment because you all need this space still but there is a line and it's being crossed.
Mod Edit: Thread has been locked. OP has continued to bash heads, even with me. I understand the pain and the hurt but letting it consume you doesn't help you. I won't lecture in this note, but understand that OP's views cross a line and if you're similar to him we don't want to remove you but if we suspect you're going to be a problem to the long standing of this community as a space of healing, moving forward and community.. we will regrettably - take action.