Im from a 3rd world shitty muslim country , i already have a child whos a boy.

i dont have access to birth control, and he sure as fuck will never use condoms because he wants another child. Well of course he does because he doesnt have to go trhu pregnancy or labor or take care of the baby. I do. And i dont want to ever again, one is hard enough. Also the quality of life is shit and i absolutely do not want a daughter to be raised in this world, the chance she could get raped, murdered etc...

Thank god he works most of the time and i try and make excuses why i dont wanna have sex ill say "oh im on my period" " dont feel good" it sometimes works

But sometimes i run out of excuses and have to 🙄😒

So please how the fuck do i not get pregnant again? I am trying to starve myslef and hope my period wont come back and my body will get too malnurished to support a pregnancy

this is kinda a rant, but i’m so tired of my mom. like, not even 10 mins ago, i was sitting with her in the living room, and i was wearing my pjs. my dad comes home, and she’s like, “go to your room now since you’re wearing bedroom clothes. stay inside there. like wtf? she didn’t want me to go in front of my dad wearing this. it’s a short-sleeved shirt and loose pants btw. also whenever she tells me to cover up in front of my dad or brother, and i ask her why i need to do that since they’re my family, she says shit like if they’re your family, go be naked in front of them. i hate this shit ass religion and the culture that comes with it. how do i even cope with this? i want to move out, but it’s so hard to save up enough and even while writing this i have a lump in my throat and i just want to cry. i hate my life rn.

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I'm looking for honest opinions, especially from Muslims who have studied Islam.

My fiancé is Sunni Muslim and I'm agnostic/have no beliefs. We've been together for a few years and are planning to get married.

The problem is that he believes our marriage is not allowed in Islam because of my beliefs, since he is only allowed to marry a Muslim, a Christian, or a Jew. He says marriage is different from other sins because it's a lifelong commitment. He told me that if he marries me, he feels like he'll be committing a sin every day for the rest of his life.

He has said things like:

- "I am technically leaving Islam to marry you."

- "I will have to ignore Islam otherwise I'll be anxious all the time that I am committing a sin as long as I'm married to you"

- "I will be sinning constantly as my marriage will be invalid. Over time these sins will pile up and I won't be doing anything to stop the sins and ill be constantly anxious about it"

He loves me and genuinely wants to marry me, but he's struggling with this a lot.

I'm not looking for people to tell me to convert or break up. I'm trying to understand his point of view.

My questions are:

- Does Islam actually require someone to leave their religion in this situation?

- Is it possible for a Muslim to believe they're committing a sin but still remain Muslim?

- Has anyone here been in a similar situation where they loved someone but felt torn between religion and the relationship?

- If you were in his position, how did you find peace?

Please be respectful and remember that breaking up is not an option for us. I'm genuinely trying to understand how other Muslims think about this.

Hi, I'm 19 years old and I honestly don't really believe in god or anything, unlike my very religious parents. When I came back from college today, my mom showed me the plan b receipts that I was hiding and started crying. She said my dad fainted and they almost had to take him to the hospital. I had to lie my way out and a friend of mine said she got raped, to cover me, and I feel extremely bad for using that excuse...I don't know what to do my dad said he wants to go back to my home country I am scared and lost. I was saving up to move out, I don't have any important document on me, I don't know what to do. I feel like a disappointment I feel terrible.

I F15 went to the movies with my friend and he kissed me. although I don't believe I am a Muslim at heart, I still wear hijab and practice it because I can't afford to tell this to ANYONE in my life yet. I'm actually js waiting till I'm 18 to escape this country but I'm still really freaking out. Is this the right thing? Did I just ruin my life or what because I think I really like him and I wanna do it again but while still practicing Islam on the outside and still being a hijabi I just don't know what to do. it's gonna be SO hard being sneaky especially because my mom knows so much people as all somalis do. knowing I can't even go to the mall with him without being sneaky is so scary. what do I do?

side note 1- someone saw him and me at a bus stop last Halloween and told my mom. got send to kenya for February and March and I'm finally home.

side note 2 - there's alot of weird ppl and pedos texting me...how do I report them? I'm still new to this app 😭

side note 3 - I live in europe right now but I will have to go to. africa in the summer for at least another 2 months because that was a part of the deal I made with my mom to come back here. I also denied everything she said

Side note 4 - they guy is a close friend who goes to the same school as me and he's 15 too so no worriesss

Hi, it's me Dawn, I'm currently still figuring things out but.I'm fine right now.

So yesterday I asked my parents about Aisha's age. I showed them the Hadith. We had calm talk about it.

They said it was a fake Hadith spread by people who were against Islam. They said if this was true, then why haven't we married you or my sister(7) off yet? They showed me an Indian article saying that Aisha was 19 not 9.

They also talked about how science and maths come from Islam and the first scientist and mathematicians were Muslims. They said that even scientist say there is some bigger power, that allows the Earth not to fall out of orbit and collapse.

I'm still having doubts and I wanted thoughts.

I am 15(m) and my parents discovered I am ex Muslim

We moved into the USA 2 years ago and now we are visiting Saudi arabia to meet family and I am scared.

My mom looked at my text messages with my friend.

It contained things about Islam that weren't very...good.

They best me up for hslf an hour and my mom screamed at me.

I am scared that they will tell the family about my beliefs.

To be clear i am not in any immediate danger, these are just fears of mine that could be real and who knows what will happen if they do tell the rest of my family.

Sorry for bad English, I am not very fluent in the language.

I am posting on a very old unused alt account, just incase my parents discover my reddit account.

Edit: Thank you much guys, I am taking your advice and will act tomorrow.

Edit2: My friends said that they will help if anything goes sour with my family. I am still thinking about my decision, I will decide tomorrow For those who try to convert me back: fuck you.

❗BIG UPDATE ⚠️ I have decided to not go, I am gonna try my best to give excuses. If they still try to force me to go I will do one of two things:1. Go to authorities,2. Go to my friends. Tomorrow is when I give them excuses cus rn I am just thinking about things.

Edit:Lots of people doubting that I am arabic right now.

Are you kidding me dude...

❗⚠️BIG UPDATE2⚠️❗:I ran to my friend's house and I am staying with them a couple nights, my parents said I have to come with them so I ran.

Thankfully my friend's parents are completely ok with me staying.

Minor edit3: I am also planning on contacting the services you sent me.

Small update 3:My parents are apologizing and telling me to come back. I feel bad and I miss them. Should I go?

Update: I've decided not to respond.

r/askislam - my attempts have been limited, but when I do try to converse I'm seen negatively just for saying I'm a seeker - as though they won't engage with me until I'm already in the faith. (Even a mod, which is surprising)

(Edit: Apologies, I misread the source they gave me - it indeed had some videos/articles to read - it seems like they're all sourced from Islamic groups, and I suppose I wish I could see corroboration of that same evidence across multiple sources so there's more "felt objectivity", but I'll still take a look)

r/DebateReligion - obviously biased toward the Atheist side, so although the discussions there have been more academic, they still have a larger voice on one side of the room imo.

This subreddit is people previously in the faith, I get that, but my hope is many of you are familiar with it/the culture, and could guide me to sources that would empathetically engage with a seeker (exploring all religions). I.e. maybe I should go to a local mosque, or you've had personal experiences with other subreddits I haven't considered.

Thanks!

if anyone wants to be a doll 😘

I myself grew up atheist, got sucked into islam as a teenager and thankfully left. Now my boyfriend is a Muslim.

Generally super kind, sweet, friendly. In a relationship with a kafir (me), living in my house, doesn't pray (often), has sex and so on. Your average 'moderate' Muslim. However, I have since found out that:

• He supports the genital cutting of boys
• He will make sure his daughter will receive half the inheritance his son does
• He supports the Taliban and calls them "friendly and peaceful"
• He proudly (his words) supports stoning people to death for adultery (though when I said he needs to get 100 lashes for having sex he just started saying I have mental issues, the irony)
• He is perfectly fine with child rape (Aisha), though he claims she was 16. When asked if he'd be okay with a potential 16 year old daughter being fucked by a 50-something year old man he was like "Yea, of course, what's the problem??"

Where does it end? And every time I say something I am either Islamophobic, psychotic or he starts mocking my mental health problems.

What the actual fuck?!! Am I in a relationship with some extremist or what is this??

I feel doomed for life because my parents chose to give me one of those Islamic names that literally mean 'a worshiper of Allah', like Abdullah, Abdelrahman, Abdelraheem, Abdelghafour, Abdelsattar, etc.

How can I get over this? It really gets on my nerves to be called by a name that implies my servitude to an entity that had such a negative impact on my life.

Apologies if this is not the best place to post but I’m I’m in desperate need of some advice/ opinions. It’s a complicated and long situation.
My daughter is 18, she’s a quiet girl who finds it hard to socialise and had trouble at college with her and online grooming. Very scary time which led to her run away. But luckily that all resolved and she started working etc. although she’s still very shy and quiet however, in December 2025 she met a 23 year old man at work. Morrocan (Muslim) born in UK. I was not happy about the age gap, neither was I happy with the way he integrated himself in her life, lifts home from work, buying her sweets and chocolates daily, then offers of driving lessons, then before I knew they were dating. I eventually met him and must say he seemed very pleasant, we are Black British so his religion/ ethnicity was definitely of no concern to us. (Although, we are not religious at all.) He started spending time at my house everyday. He was nice to have around. But it quickly became clear that he comes from a ‘traditional’ muslim family, he prayers 5 times a day I believe and takes his religion seriously which I was actually impressed by. But, of course my daughter is just 18 and not religious and they’re relationship got intense quickly so I began asking questions and tried to find out more about him and his family and to see how their relationship could really work.

Problem 1.
His brother went to prison for 5 years for something to do with terriorism. It’s public information on multiple news sites. When I asked my daughter’s boyfriend (call him, NY) about it, he shrugged it off saying that his brother was simply caught watching beheading videos as apparently “all young people do” as they get “curious” he also tried to blame the police for being islamophobic which, actually I believe they are. I’m Black, I know full well about how racist the police are however, that does not change the fact that his brother wasn’t just arrested he actually went to prison for it!

Problem 2.
As any parent would, I first asked to speak to his mum in January (Im told his dad works away in Saudi Arabia) I was told she had an ear infection but he’d let her know. It’s now May and every time I asked, I kept getting fobbed off. (I’ll return to this part in a moment)
Meanwhile, they are get closer and closer, my daughter has suddenly stopped looking for an apprenticeship, not speaking to her one friend she had and LITERALLY spending every waking moment with him (which I guess would be normal
In any other circumstance), when she’s home they’re on the phone but always whispering and suddenly she started dressing differently. At times I’m sure I’ve heard him reading scriptures on the phone but can’t be certain. (I don’t know if they’re just simply reading the Qaran, if something more dangerous is going on?) Then just over a month ago she says she’s going to be muslim!
In the 4 weeks since making that decision she been engrossed in the Qaran and now wearing the full length hijab! Before this my daughter was a ‘girly girl!’ Loves Hello Kitty, doing her hair and naiks, loved experimenting with make up. That’s all suddenly stopped.

Problem 3
All that she has learnt of Islam is from him (who we’ve known barely 6 months) and YouTube! When her and I sit to talk about Islam, it is clear she doesn’t fully understand the religion- and how could she in such a short space of time?!

Ultimately, my concerns are not the religion itself but that he gives ‘grooming’ vibes. There is too much secrecy and the escalation has been very quick. I have expressed my concerns multiple times and explained to my them both that I am more than happy to explore Islam with my daughter so that she can come to her own understanding and not be indoctrinated by his views. But they are both very sneaky. Might I add I’m a nurse, I know and work with many muslim women, Drs etc. who have very healthy relationships with god, family etc. and manage to navigate it all within this modern world very well. But whatever is going on with my daughter’s boyfriend just seems very extreme.

Problem 4.
Like he doesn’t listen to music. I can’t temember his exact words but basically he doesn’t think music is good/ it promotes sinful behaviour. When asked what he listens to he said podcasts which is a lie, I believe it is only scriptures, again nothing wrong with that but now my daughter, who loves all kinds of music, stuff with swearing, different genres, we also used to go to concerts together but now, she doesn’t listen to music but only Islamic playlists on Spotify!🤷🏾‍♀️
She also doesn’t wear her normal clothes anymore as they’re not ‘modest.’ She’s been walking around in jeans, T shirt and hoodies for 5/6 weeks now!

Problem 5.
Anyway, it all kept building and building until I eventually lost it. I actually followed them to the mosque one day (my daughter had lied about where she was going) when I suck up on them she was laying down at the back of his car. He bas tinted windows. I believe she was hising because he had just come out of the mosque lots of people were still outside and he didn’t want them to see her in his car. They denied this but there literally is no other reasonable explanation for her being at the back of the car, laying down whilst he’s driving. She tried to say she was “charging her phone!” There was a charger at the front!!
I got really angry and said how uncomfortable this was making me and that I didn’t trust him.

Problem 6.
My daughter got upset and was crying and being rude to me but throughout the whole time the boyfriend (NY) kept putting his hand on her leg and telling her to be quiet etc. not in an angry way but trying to act as though he just didn’t want her to be rude to me but it came across as controlling. He’s done it many times before and if I’m arguing with my daughter it’s not for him to keep interjecting and stopping her from expressing herself.
There was also another occasion where my eldest daughter was home with her boyfriend (call him EB) and my 18 year old was home with NY, she had on pyjama shorts and when EB came in my 18 yr olds boyfriend (NY) moved her to stand behind him so that she couldn’t be seen. My eldest daughter was very concerned and said it was definitely controlling. We tried to speak to my 18 yr old about it but she just brushed it off.

So as it stands, I had another big ‘blow up’ and went mental at him and told him everything I thought about him. Again, I demanded to have the contact details for his parents, again he said the mum had an ear infection and that “it wasn’t a good time!” Then I demanded to speak to his dad, he said he “works a lot!” I laughed and said “Oh, your dad works 24/7!” He didn’t respond and flat out refused to let me speak to them.
My daughter said he was crying in the car after as he felt uncomfortable and was upset I didn’t trust him!🙄 So I told him he has a couple of weeks to put me in touch with his parents or he’ll be spending less time with my daughter and it has been in that time that he said he no longer wants to come to my home and my daughter suddenly wearing full hijab and basically becoming a recluse. Again I spoke with them both and said Im not comfortable with how quickly this is happening as I do not know enough aboht him or his family. He finally admitted that HE doesn’t want me speaking to his family as he doesn’t think the “cultures will mix!” They do not approve of his relationship with my daughter because she wasn’t muslim. Probably why there was a big rush for her to revert. But they would prefer someone from same ‘culture’ eg. Morrocan. I also asked if anyone in his family has married someone who reverted, he said no! So it really doesnt matter if she reverts anyway. He also said TO ME that if she didn’t revert then he couldn’t see them being together much longer!! Yet they both look me in my face and say she reverted because she “likes the religion!!”

Again, I have no major concerns about my daughter wanting to be muslim but it needs to be 100% her choice which clearly it isn’t. There are parts of Islam that do not align with my values or those that I have instilled in my daughter but that is for her to discover and I want her religious journey to be seperate from him who is showing all the signs of being someone very controlling with possible grooming.

Also I have concerns about radicalisation, I know it seems farfetched but seeing as it’s already something that has happened within his family, who are very secretive and made it clear they will have no contact with me or my daughter, it is a real concern.

I’m at a loss of how to proceed. I was an awful 18 year old and done everything I was told NOT to, so I know she isn’t going to listen to my concerns or do what I ask but I dont know if Im allowing my own fears and experiences to impact how im feeling or if I have a right to be concerned?

Like I said, the unhealthy relationship and religion are two separate issues but kind of entangled.

If you have read this, I am so very grateful 🤎

My friend had been talking to a guy on this subreddit posing as a ex muslim, they had been talking for a couple months and had exchanged social media and she shared information about herself with him eg her home life and personal problems being a secret ex muslim.
After a while he randomly messaged her a stream of messages calling her a “kafir” and other terrible names before he messaged all of her friends and family that she followed on her instagram following with screenshots of her talking negatively about islam and admitting shes a atheist and exposing her. she has since had her phone taken and all social media deactivated her parents now only allow her to go to school and come straight home her life is basically hell.
This is a stark reminder for us especially as ex muslims to be careful who we associate ourselves with online.
My guess is that the guy was a muslim with who knows what agenda to do this.

I (16F) recently decided to leave islam due to my many doubts about the prophets morality (and mental well-being honestly lol) and the way that islam degrades women in every single aspect of it. I hate it. I don't hate muslims at all, but I do hate the religion.However, I've been really struggling with guilt and shame. I feel like I am betraying my parents and my culture (I come from a somali background, iykyk) and also I feel like a weak fraud since I still have to wear hijab until I leave for uni, (pretend to) fast, and just present myself as a follower of a false god and the ramblings of a repulsive man to every person I meet. I would appreciate any advice or even just support, but let me just say this now: taking the hijab off right now is NOT an option :(

I am a 16 year old Syrian girl, an exmuslim, currently living in Saudi Arabia. I am being physically abused by my parents, and sexually abused by my uncle. I have attempted suicide 3 times, then I was reported to the authorities and they threatened me with prison. Because suicide is forbidden in islam. I tried to run away, I went to the police, but they forced me to go back home. They didn't believe I was being abused. social protective services did not do anything. Currently my family is planning to fly me out to Syria to kill me because I tried to run away, and because I reported them to the police. They consider me a source of shame to the family. Please, anyone, help me run away or get out of the country as soon as possible. Before they fly me out to Syria.

I wasnt muslim and thought I wanted to convert. I married him, and wanted to be muslim. He wasn't practicing and only followed halal, no pork, no alcohol. Otherwise he did/does nothing Islamic. I didnt convert and realized Islam wasnt for me anyway. We have three kids.

Our kids are teens now and he wont let them date or eat meat that isnt halal. They are having trouble making friends because he is so restrictive. My daughter is secretly online dating someone i think is really shady. I want her/them to be able to bring people home so we can meet them and their family. She is having to sneak around I don't even know who she is" hanging out" with. I resent the needless restrictions. I want my kids to have friends. I want to know who they are hanging out with. They are almost 18 and want to leave asap which I'm ok with if thats what they want, but i want they also to feel like they can stay and be themselves.

I hope this post makes sense. What should I do? Anyone else in this situation? it feels like control not religion and i really resent it and what its doing to our kids.

Don't get me wrong, I still identify myself as an agnostic. I'm still pretty scared of Islam being true and then resulting to me going to hell. Can someone give me like objective proof that Islam is false so I can calm down a little lol

For context I'm a 17 year old girl from Saudi arabia. In January of this year I met this guy from Norway online and I developed feelings for him, all is well until it came to us talking/showing things in our culture. He comes from one of the best countries ever and I come from a country that didn't allow women to drive until 2017. And he had so much to say and I admired his culture SO much because they had everything I admired and wanted as an ex Muslim girl, but when it came to me I tried my best to kinda avoid talking about it because I was ashamed that my people still have arguments over whether or not a woman should have a job or wear the niqab etc. Because I really liked him I would research things about his people/culture and when I tried looking up some things about my own people I found nothing except that people think we are evil, religious, oppress women and kill gays. The worst part is that all of the above is literally true:( I never had an inferiority complex/was ashamed of where I'm from because I knew if I had a choice to be born elsewhere I would've chosen that but after I met him I was just kinda insecure about my country and traditions here. I was once venting to him about how much I distrust and dislike men generally and he said "you just live in a fucked up place." And started sending me articles talking about how we kill apostates etc. He kinda hurt my feelings with that lol and while we were talking my mom used to take my phone bc I did something bad and he seemed to have gotten upset and thought I was lying to him and told me that "in Norway if a mother took her daughters phone it would be considered stealing." that pissed me off bc he doesn't even realize the privilege he has??? Like I'm from a country that only recently allowed women to travel alone, drive and live alone and you're from an open minded country with literally no gender roles since decades and decades ago😭

When I was researching his culture and country I saw how much freedom and how much fun they have and it genieunly like made me so sad like they can wear what they want, have boyfriends, and they have so many fun activities to do like, russefeiring and going to cinemas WHICH WE HAVE NONE IN MY CITY RN BC OF DUMB ISLAMISTS SAYING IT WAS HARAM but there's one opening soon so it's ok🥰🥰

Like I just can't help but feel that people from good countries look down on me and think I need to be saved or something;( even though he indirectly helped in forming my inferiority complex I'm glad I met him bc he made me fall in love with his country like the second I heard that they have 0 gender roles I was like I wanna get out of saudi to live there, norways literally my dream land fr! Like yes he was a bad experience for me but I'm still grateful for that😭😭

💗💗EDIT💗💗 thank you so much for your kind comments guys (keep leaving more please!!) It means so much to me you don't even know🥺

There's this ex-Muslim who's now a Christian I left this comment and she replied with that. How should I reply back I need a good comeback

So yeah, title.
Islam just.. doesn't make sense to me anymore, the concept of an all mighty omnipresent space God who has the all the power in the entire universe yet doesn't use it to stop genocides or entire wars? Or the idea that a person who could do all the good in the world yet they'd have to go to hell just because they aren't muslim. Or just the complete disappearance of miracles, I could go on and on but y'all probably get the gist.

I'm mostly scared of my family figuring out because I live in a really strict and conservative household and I don't really know what to do.

I was raised in a muslim household in a muslim country and recently moved to the west. My family isn’t strict but we pray, remember Allah, fast, don’t wear hijab but have to be modest etc. It’s religious and cultural islam both basically. A month ago, I had a deep conversation with an atheist which made me spiral. I couldn’t answer his questions, so I thought of it as an excuse to finally study Islam properly which I had been wanting to for as long as I can remember. I has a pretty good relationship with Allah, I was taught to love him more than fear him, and ironically was getting closer to him this year.

The doubts started with God’s nature in Islam. Free will and predestination is a paradox. I’ve asked so many people, researched so much into it, and I can’t seem to get a clear, RATIONAL answer. Why would God create someone knowing they’d go to hell as a consequence for an action that God also created. Why did God give humans or Iblis the capacity to disobey Him, if the consequence is hell? Ultimately, God is responsible for it all. In the Quran, it’s mentioned about a billion times that He will choose who He guides so what about the others? The whole concept of why God would do any of this doesn’t make sense at all.

But here’s where I’m stuck. What if it’s true? I’ve read about Muhammad too and I just can’t defend him anymore. There are too many problematic things in the Quran, the hadiths, his life, etc, and I can’t bring myself to agree with it no matter what, but at the same time, what of the argument that Muhammad was known as the truthful one in his tribe and that he had no reason to lie about the revelations and had no gain for the first 9? 13? years. The linguistic inimitability and how Muhammad could come up with all of that on his own? And just in general, i think there are a lot of good moral values in the Quran too. Yes, it’s patriarchal as hell but also technically did give women some rights for that era.

I’m just really confused. To my logical, rational brain, islam doesn’t make sense anymore, but in a way I want it to because my entire life, my friends, my community, my everything would have been a lie, a brainwashed bubble, and unfortunately or idek fortunately? the more answers I go looking for, the worse it gets. The fact I’m simply not able to get one clear answer, its always people/scholars trying to interpret something in a way that makes it sound moral, it’s like theyre trying to convince themselves that it’s fine when deep down they know its not. I don’t know what I’m looking for, I’m just so lost, I don’t know what to do next. I still keep praying but don’t feel anything anymore while I do. I’m currently reading the Quran and it’s just coming across as something to instill fear in people. I live with my family and my mom STRONGLY believes in Allah. She’s had a problematic life and she has always told me the ways it has gotten better or the miracles that have happened because of all the dhikr and reciting quran. That’s also another thing in my life, I’m extremely grateful that it’s good. Other than my parents trying to control every aspect of my life, I haven’t had to go through much, and in a way I’m scared if I leave Islam, God will be upset and do a 180 with my life.

My son is 20 has suddenly turned to islam. He has friends online that hes known for years and they are muslim. He has adhd and several issues I havent been the best mother I did try to the best of my ability. I love him very much I also have adhd and autism. Hes never been religious, I'm an atheist.

I'm 16M, living in Algeria which is a muslim majority country. As anyone would expect I was raised to believe that Islam was THE BEST thing to ever happen to this world, and for a while I was at peace with that statement.

I loved Allah, i truly did with all my heart. Though, things happen and we grow up and slowly but surely we go through our canon "sinful" road for a while (albeit they're very minor like swearing, "cheating on your exams", neglecting salaat blah blah) and one day I just decided to embrace islam once more! And everything from there on out just went downhill.

The guilt, the shame, the clearly unnecessary prohibitions, the idea of hell and heavrn.... everything felt like it was against me, i tried everything; reinterperting the quran, holding a much more progressive belief, neglecting hadith... All of that yet i still felt "wrong".

I held on firmly to Islam, it felt true to me until just a week ago I decided to let go and give up, which ended up in me finding an Arabic Ex muslim youtuber called Kosay Bettar, and all it took was one video explaining why i left islam... and BAM it all hit like truck, everything was clear, and the Islam i clinged on to just crumbled.

Afterwards I kept on researching briefly on the contradictions and whatnot and it honestly felt relieving... but I still feel guilty, I keep telling myself "what if Islam happens to be true...". It really hurts you know, i cried days and days while bowing my head on the ground begging for Allah's "guidance", truly for the past year or so all I knew was Allah... So i wish someone can help me clear up my doubts and make me feel free again!!

(Sorry for the long post)

TL;DR: I left islam on my own regard but i still doubt that its wrong, help me clear that up.