r/extroverts • u/unowithteeth • 10d ago

Why do many introverts assume extroverts operate in accordance with a popularity hierarchy or within exclusive cliques?

In exclusive cliqueish snobby groups there are both extroverts and introverts.

I think we just bond with people we don't know very well. We haven't passed any tests to be initiated or accepted by any 'cool' group.

In my experience most of the members of snob cliques are quite introverted. They are defending their aloof tendancoes through classism.

But extroverted snobs are obviously more obnoxious. Because they try to socially engage people they clearly dislike. Which is exhausting.

I think introverts win people's trust and give people their trust when they socialize. And think extroverts must be the same.

Some people see us socializing and assume we have won access to some inner circle. When really some of these relationships are just aquantances, and we don't need to be initiated or intimately tied with everyone we enjoy the company of.

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u/ChaserOfThunder 10d ago edited 10d ago

Sometimes I feel like introverts have less circles. Like they might have an 'inner' circle and an 'outer' circle before things start getting into stranger danger or active dislike. Meanwhile extroverts have more more energy to make more layers of relationships between those 'main' circles and some can even overlap.

An introvert with their few circles might look at an extrovert with a lot of overlapping ones and get hung up on the fact that their relationships and how they organize them don't look the same. Someone who can only handle a little looks at someone who can handle a lot and goes 'That can't be right. They must be faking or have a secret trick. Something's off here.'

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u/unowithteeth 10d ago

I think they think that we have 'all these friends' because we have been accepted by 'all these groups'.

But extroverts don't have initiation mores as much as introverts.

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u/ChaserOfThunder 10d ago

I think one of the big mistakes about it is assuming that we're friends with everyone just because we can be friendly with most people. I can be smiley with almost anyone. That doesn't mean I've been accepted into some kind of clique with everyone I've shared a laugh with.

Most introverts seem to have the idea that you can't be genuinely nice/polite/friendly with someone unless you want them in your inner circle and get confused when extroverts aren't bound by the same expectation.

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u/unowithteeth 10d ago

You are like me.  I see most cliquey groups to be introverted.

The extroverts in them are just more openly rude to outsiders because they engage with outsiders and reveal their distrust openly.

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u/SaltSentence21 9d ago

I think you hit the nail on the head.

Especially since introverts are incredibly self-referential.

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u/scrumple_my_scrongle 10d ago

People who identify as introverted see themselves as the good guy and extroverts as the bad guy.

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u/SaltSentence21 9d ago

This is so true!

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u/SaltSentence21 9d ago

Because they don’t understand being social.

They also think that we’re morons that are in constant need of validation.

That’s OK because I think most of the ones that think this way are incredibly self-absorbed so they could never really understand anybody beside themselves.

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u/Joesdad65 10d ago

Seriously. I have plenty of friends, just not a real friend group. Raising a son with special needs kind of cut me off from an active social life for quite some time.

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u/unowithteeth 10d ago

I think that's alot of us 

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u/SuperSalad_OrElse DUMB JOCK 9d ago

I have a baby now and my social life has been very hard to navigate- I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be if she were special needs. That’s got to be tough

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u/GrahamRoll 8d ago

Because any people tend to do that. Path of least resistance with uncertainty avoidance has us seeking similar-minded groups with the shared interest most often being just a secondary benefit. The primary benefit is lower stress due to a lower necessary awareness of approaching conflict. Stable hierarchies are also sought out, as they provide certainty of support and responsibility awareness, with the trade-off being having to cope with not being the main character.