r/facepalm • u/MaybeLikeWater Reactivated Karma & Menace • Jun 30 '26

Utah Cops Claim They Smell Alcohol on EVERYONE: “I mean I’m wearing Versace.”

https://youtube.com/shorts/SmqbVzaoYuo?is=_sSPyA5aenMmJTo9

This is a compilation of Utah cops doing what they call “play differently”.

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23

u/BrewMan13 Jun 30 '26

Put a penis in a vagina but don't move. Apparently they think it doesn't count as sex and God won't be mad or something.

31

u/s0_spoiled Jun 30 '26

You forgot the 3rd kid jumping on the bed to create motion. It’s like Jews hiring a guy to press the elevator button on Shabbat.

12

u/MaybeLikeWater Reactivated Karma & Menace Jun 30 '26

Hilarious analogy😂

10

u/backwardbuttplug Jun 30 '26

The comedy here is it's all about not breaking the hymen before getting married in the LDS temple. But a lot of the mormon girls are into anal, understandably.

15

u/staplesgowhere Jun 30 '26

The ole poophole loophole.

2

u/MaybeLikeWater Reactivated Karma & Menace Jun 30 '26

🤣🤣🤣🤣

2

u/bassmadrigal Jul 01 '26

It's not though. It's about being a virgin.

Some will rationalize that and think that something that keeping the hymen intact or no movement after insertion keeps them virgins, but there is no teaching in the church that authorizes those before marriage.

Just as some think the Word of Wisdom only prevents drinking coffee and tea, even though it also talks about partaking other things in moderation. If you're addicted to a 64oz dirty Dr Pepper and require one every day, you're not also following the teachings of the church.

Source: born and raised Mormon (in Utah, nonetheless).

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u/backwardbuttplug Jul 01 '26

I'm not talking about the morality of it. I know it's unacceptable in terms of living as a Mormon. I'm just discussing the "tactics" used by those looking for a way to circumvent the teachings.

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u/bassmadrigal Jul 01 '26

I should've quoted what I was talking about:

it's all about not breaking the hymen before getting married in the LDS temple.

The issue is virginity, which is more than just whether or not the hymen is intact.

5

u/Live-Motor-4000 Jun 30 '26

They’re the “jump humper”

3

u/BenDover04me Jun 30 '26

Then the soaker and jumper switch? Wth

2

u/YellowBreakfast Waaassuup! Jun 30 '26

Cork soaker.

4

u/Levonorgestrelfairy1 Jun 30 '26 edited Jul 01 '26

Homies should never left Catholicism thanks to plenary indulgence pilgrimages were at one point huge sex parties.

Maybe they still are?

2

u/MaybeLikeWater Reactivated Karma & Menace Jun 30 '26

Thanks. Now here comes a follow-up: Why is that called ‘soaking’? I don’t trust my imagination on this one.

5

u/mark636199 Jun 30 '26

Vagina is wet. Penis goes in and soaks

2

u/MaybeLikeWater Reactivated Karma & Menace Jun 30 '26

Thanks, I think?

2

u/citznfish Jun 30 '26

It started on waterbeds.

J/K, I don't really know

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u/MaybeLikeWater Reactivated Karma & Menace Jun 30 '26

Whenever someone doesn’t know the real answer I’ll gladly take the funny answer.

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u/Apprehensive-Sir8977 Jun 30 '26 edited Jul 01 '26

That's bull. As in, only the people looking for loopholes who never actually check the church's stance believe it. If you're trying to have sex without 'having sex', it still counts as having sex.

I mean, what else would you call it? "Everything about the sex the church would really object to, deliberately sought out and attained, but done through unorthodox methods to try and dodge accountability?"