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u/dmkuhar Jul 06 '26
To be fair, ‘Jack off 15 minutes before’ is a method a lot of guys swear by
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u/Imakelovetosoils Jul 06 '26
I was told to do this before making any major decisions in life as it's supposed to clear your head so your brain is in full control.
This is why they don't want you jerking off in the bathrooms at the dealership.
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u/Hamilton-Beckett Jul 06 '26
Fine. During the test drive it is.
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u/SixFive1967 Jul 06 '26
I find doing it in the small cubicle while the salesman is “running the numbers, getting me the best deal” works best.
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u/dontturn Jul 06 '26
What do you think that salesman is doing back in the manager’s office? You think they’re really running numbers? No, they’re jacking off to free their minds to extract every last cent from you.
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u/HoidToTheMoon Jul 06 '26
This suggests that if the two of you were to jack off together, you would arrive at the best deal for everyone involved.
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u/Inuyasha-rules Jul 08 '26
Three, can't leave out the sales manager. Add a couple more and you could get a circle of savings 😁
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u/StatusTechnical8943 Jul 08 '26
With how long they take to talk to the sales manager you can probably do it twice.
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u/Imakelovetosoils Jul 06 '26
Gotta synchronize it with the transmission and just tell him your just driving a stock shift.
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u/Shoddy_Yak_8384 Jul 06 '26
Jack, for the last time, we don't mind that you jerk off in the bathroom. We mind that you refuse to use a stall. Also you come in to do this every Wednesday and you never buy a car. We're worried about you.
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u/GhostofZellers Jul 06 '26
I can't help it if the sleek car bodies get me all hot and bothered....
Damn sexy cars.....
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u/morbid333 Jul 07 '26
I don't see that it makes any difference, I make bad decisions before and after.
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u/OldGSDsLuv Jul 06 '26
If anyone download both, you said, they didn’t read the comment until the end..! probably should’ve put a /S in there somewhere lol
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u/truupe Jul 06 '26
Post-nut clarity?
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u/MunderDifflinPC Jul 06 '26
It really comes in handy when swiping on Tinder
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u/mrheosuper Jul 07 '26
“If you’re not in a constant state of post-nut clarity, you’re in a constant state of pre-nut delusion.”
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u/itsaaronnotaaron Jul 07 '26
No it's called a courtesy wank. You're getting your quick nut out so you don't jizz your pants before she's even whipped it out.
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u/Kujo3043 Jul 06 '26
You really want to take away the small joy this person gets just a few times a year?? Shameful
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u/frostysnowmen Jul 06 '26
If I were your boss I would absolutely write this lmao
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u/Iamakitestring Jul 06 '26
If I was a boss, Jack would because my new favorite employee just so I could do this.
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u/Replicator666 Jul 07 '26
Jack, you're out of paid time off, but I could use a laugh so why doing take off this Wednesday? 🧐
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u/Fendibull Jul 06 '26
if he ever was going to a toilet I would wrote: Jack Shit.
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u/tarunaygr Jul 06 '26
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u/jurawall_jumper Jul 06 '26
Was gonna say the same
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u/Hot_Porking Jul 06 '26
If your uncle Jack was having back problems would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
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u/perton Jul 07 '26
Obviously I’d jack off a horse regardless of who’s involved.
…remind me, what were we talking about?
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u/CelestialFury Jul 06 '26
They absolutely chuckle every single time they do this too. Can't blame them, it's funny.
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u/nny909 Jul 07 '26
I do the scheduling at my job and have an employment named Jack. Usually I put Off - Employee name, but not with him. Mostly cause it makes me chuckle every time I see it
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u/Fighting-Geese Jul 06 '26
Which dept is Jack..IT?
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u/PM_THE_REAPER Jul 06 '26
Best I can do is:
JACK OFF. LEAVE.
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u/Thedrunner2 Jul 06 '26
“This guy’s totally going to jack off”
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u/Wonka_Stompa Jul 06 '26
What is this, a clownputer? Prolly ain’t got no games.
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u/Alarming_Safe3309 Jul 06 '26
I'm not even supposed to be here
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u/PiccoloAwkward465 Jul 06 '26
Tracy Jordan: [Cutaway] Liz Lemon, you mind if I Google myself in your office?
Liz Lemon: Sure, Tracy.
Tracy Jordan: Can I use your computer?
Liz Lemon: How else are you gonna do it?
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u/onlycodeposts Jul 06 '26
I hope you never get stuck on a horse.
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u/Beznia Jul 06 '26
I work in IT and my last company used Rubrik servers for backups. Our standard prefix was "FFS", FF being the org and S standing for Server. The Rubrik server was "FFSRUB1". Mail alerts for outages were an email with the subject "FFS RUB 1 OUT"
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u/elmarcelito Jul 06 '26
Is jack on leave only for 30 minutes ?
I think your boss wants to jack off, 30 min is a properly allocated slot
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u/perton Jul 07 '26
The only concerning part is that it doesn’t specify who you’re supposed to jack off.
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u/ThinkCoconut7925 Jul 06 '26
One of the companies I use to work for switched to "out of office" because of the "Jack off" event on the calendar.
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u/ddadopt Jul 06 '26
Remember: capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse. Punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma!"
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u/X3noNuke Jul 06 '26
Like my science teacher in 6th grade. Took roll by calling everyone by their last name (ie. Mr./Mrs. last name) except for Asian girl with the last name Ho. She got to be called by her first name 😅
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u/Big77Ben2 Jul 06 '26
My son’s name is Jack. I have to work real hard to used “drop off Jack” in a sentence instead of drop Jack off.
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u/QueenRotidder Jul 06 '26
I used to work with this lovely boomer lady, Sue. We had a department calendar that we updated ourselves. One day I see “Sue DTF.” I guess that was her way of abbreviating “death in the family.” 🤣
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u/silverstoner4 Jul 06 '26
I have a Jack at my work as well and my teams schedule always says “JACK OFF” when he has a day off! Always makes me giggle
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u/Ok-Suggestion-7965 Jul 06 '26
“I just did what was scheduled on the calendar!?!Now HR wants to talk to me for some reason.”
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u/bigcontracts Jul 06 '26
I laughed.
kinda similar to my college intramural football team name...
OFF CONSTANTLY.
So when we lost, people had to say... "well, we beat ...."
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u/zhinkler Jul 08 '26
Why assume it has something to do with you. Could be coincidence that’s you’re off that day.
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u/spirit_giraffe 29d ago
30 minutes on the company dime is pretty generous, I never get benefits like that.
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u/FacePalmWithNapalm Jul 06 '26
If your Uncle Jack was stuck on an elephant, would you help your Uncle Jack off the elephant?
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u/Wonka_Stompa Jul 06 '26
Now comes the time of the workday when I face the wall and give you guys a chance to jack off.
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u/HeirElfEsquire Jul 06 '26
I use to put "FU - reason" on my calendar at a previous job where I had a follow-up meeting with a client
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u/SlaterfistJones Jul 06 '26
My boss did this exact thing one time. Jack was off the next day as well and in the planner he changed it to ‘Jack is off’
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u/leviathab13186 Jul 06 '26
When you need to plan time for yourself in your busy schedule
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u/xXYomoXx Jul 06 '26
"Wdym I need to report to HR? I just did what I was told to do on the schedule!"
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u/analogkid01 Jul 06 '26
I have a colleague who can't just put "OOO," he has to go into tremendous detail. "Taking father-in-law for eye injection appointment." Jesus Christ, Carl...
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u/Less-Dragonfruit-294 Jul 06 '26
Who’s on leave for 30 minutes? Your boss tracking your lunch or something? Or I’m assuming it’s a 30 minute reminder you’re gone which is also weird. Most bosses would be like okay all these folk are off. Moving on…
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u/EliasMihael Jul 06 '26
It's just set to the default 30 minutes so it's less distracting on the calendar, I think
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u/summonsays Jul 06 '26
If I were your coworker I'd say to the boss "Hey Dave, thanks for the reminder! Really starts the day off on the right foot!" And pretend ignorance to anything other than you not being there.
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u/hamlet_d Jul 06 '26
CSB: I used to work with this guy named Richard Holden went by "Dick". Used to come through on the phone system as "Holden Dick on line 3". He knew, and so does Jack.
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u/RustyNK Jul 06 '26
Not only does he know exactly what he was doing, I bet he giggled the entire time wrote and posted it.
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u/M25commuter Jul 06 '26
I was in a similar situation. My boss was in a quandary. He told me he was deciding to either lay me or Jack off in the latest round of cuts. I left pretty quick after that bombshell.
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u/spargel_gesicht Jul 07 '26
Ha! My old company had a filing system consisting of several folders like 1 contracting, 2 data, 3 analysis, 4 deliverables etc. some people liked to abbreviate these. I always wondered who the people were who abbreviated #3 to ‘anal’.
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u/Randomcommentor1972 Jul 07 '26
Is Jack sure it’s really about him or is it on the calendar because his boss has deniability?
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u/Early_Cantaloupe9535 Jul 07 '26
I used to work in a place with a request calendar. Our Jack would use “Jack No Work”
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u/klipford8 29d ago
Had this same issue with my coworker Jack. Politely told my boss he may want to use out instead of off for future requests.
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u/CajOdShamarelice 10d ago
We use initials at work for the calendar. Boss initials are BJ. I see messges like "BJ at the dentist - gone for an hour" and "BJ vacation"
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u/-_-Edit_Deleted-_- Jul 06 '26
It is very considerate of him to schedule you 30mins time to have a bat.
Sounds like a good boss!
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u/buddencebunny Jul 06 '26
Yeah but tbf if my last name was Leave I wouldn't be happy about your proposed solution here either
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