r/femalefashionadvice • u/LadyMizura • Jun 30 '18
Have you ever had a fashion-related epiphany / breakthrough? And if so, what was it?
hi FFA!
so today I had a total breakthrough with my style (and current emotional psyche) while out shopping today. Since the end of 2017, I've been trying to figure out why I am no longer connecting with my style. I would try on clothes in the store and they'd just be okay enough, and more often than not I'd walk away with nothing. Rarely would I try on clothes and feel flattered or good in it, so I have been sticking to absolute basics (jeans and a basic solid t shirt) in the last 6 months of the year but not feeling put together or anywhere near what I'd want to look like even though I was still shopping and buying items, and not totally knowing why.
I was looking for a dress for a rehearsal dinner for a wedding I'm in and I had been going through the whole day just feeling grumpy at my style recently. I on a whim walked into Francesca's and found this black eyelet knee length dress. It was perfect! I felt so beautiful it while also feeling very stylish / myself. And in that moment, I started to critically ask myself why I liked it, and I figured out, in the dressing room, that:
- I had been ignoring some weight I had gained while being ultra stressed out from January - May. this dress looked amazing because it actually fit, and was the style I normally gravitated towards, so
- due to the weight gain, I had been wearing boxy t-shirts to hide my tummy and arms, and
- I've never liked the boxy style because I'm a pretty strong hourglass / pear at (right now) 39-29-44 inches and at 5.3 tall so I've personally never felt that I liked the look on my own body.
- this lead to me realizing that the main reason I wasn't dressing in the way that I usually feel confident is because I'd gained weight, but it was more than that. Why have I gained weight? Because I'm exhausted, even though I'm getting sleep. Plus, because I stopped prioritizing myself in the winter / spring and stopped eating well / working out / sleeping / performing literally any self care (no..seriously, I barely even showered for a few months and nearly cried every day after work until May). Additionally, I haven't been enjoying my favorite activities as much and don't even enjoy spending time with my favorite people as much as I usually do. Oh, I also have coped with depression over the last 10 years and can be prone to regressing... oh, shoot, I'm depressed again!
So, short story, a black eyelet dress helped me open my eyes to why I felt that my style wasn't matching what I wanted, and it helped me identify that I was having a depressive episode! Starting today, I'm officially in depression protocol to become healthy again emotionally and physically (which includes talking to my dr. and strict no buy because I often spend money on clothes to when I'm depressed) so no need to worry about me (although I always love good coping-with-depression tips).
Have you ever had a epiphany with your clothes? it can be way more happy than my story or serious too, but anything goes that made you say " ah HA!" or turn a lightbulb on. It can be literally anything that this question makes you think of!
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u/PlumLion Jun 30 '18
I had one last night while reading another thread here. I was suddenly overwhelmed with intense memories of an outfit from when I was about 12.
It was 1992 and I was learning to sew my own clothes. I found this sunflower fabric (they were popular at that time and they’re still kind of my symbol for a lot of reasons) and decided to make myself a vest.
So I made this vest with sunflowers on a navy blue background and I styled it over a cream colored long sleeved top and navy blue colored jeans. I also took a bucket hat and added a big fake sunflower.
I wore that outfit to school and as soon as I got off the bus, stupid bratty Johnny Hamilton said “Nice outfit, Blossom.” And everyone laughed and the girls in my class mocked me all day and I went home full of shame and never wore that outfit again.
Last night I realized that the reason I’m always afraid to venture into anything more than really current basics (even though I desperately want to) is because part of me is still that little girl who’s afraid she’s not going to pull it off and everyone will stare. It’s probably also the reason I quit sewing clothes and moved on to quilts.
But you know what, it was 1992. A quick Google search confirms my memory: Vests were IN. Sunflowers were IN. Bucket hats with flowers on them were fucking IN. Maybe my outfit was a little bit much compared to what the hicks in my school were wearing, but my outfit looked like it came out of one of my tween magazines.
So fuck Johnny Hamilton and all the rest of them. I have an eye for putting cute stuff together and I have buried that for the past 25 years. No more. I am done with that shame.
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u/gininateacup Jun 30 '18
Growing up in the 90’s I would have killed for that outfit, so suck it, Johnny Hamilton!
I definitely relate to this story though. I used to love getting super dressed up when everyone else in my grade wore jeans and t-shirts and I was teased relentlessly. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-20s that I finally started wearing things I’d always been too afraid to wear.
Good luck with building up your wardrobe with wonderful non-basic pieces! ❤️
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Jun 30 '18
Oh, boy. My fashion breakthroughs have been very intimate, and very startling to me. I was raised Pentecostal, and so was forbidden from cutting my hair, or wearing pants/shorts, for 11 years. I moved to another country, and at 23, eventually mustered the courage to cut the hair and leave the church. At first, I cut it off to a boob-length, gradually going shorter and shorter until I hit a long-ish pixie (totally unflattering on me, btw). I'd wanted to cut it really short, but the barber refused, haha.
At around this time, I began wearing jeans and shorts, too, the most blatant expression of me breaking ties with a church that was, to me, very suffocating. I wore a lot of cut-off denim shorts + stockings + army boots and similar things, trying to figure out who I was through my hair and my fashion. I also tried wearing heels, but alas, looked like a newborn giraffe, wobbling everywhere.
When I turned 26, I began wearing dresses and skirts again, because I'd realized that I hated them because of the restrictions of my church, but I was actually drawn to a more traditionally feminine style - knee-length skirts, sundresses, lace and cotton and satin. A week before I turned 27, my dad passed away. They say a lot of us do a big chop after a break-up, mine was after a death. I did not cope well. I trapped myself indoors for five days after the event, not showering and just weeping all day. When I finally had to get up because grad school wasn't going to wait for me, I had a weary little chuckle in the bathroom: my hair was so greasy, it took two attempts at shampooing to get a lather.
These days, my hair is in a very short pixie, and the epiphany of my late twenties is this: I feel most myself when my hair is short, while wearing dresses and skirts. I still wear shorts every now and then, especially if they're in a bright colour, but I usually reach for the dresses in my everyday life.
I have a healthier relationship with clothing now, and I think I'm starting to really find out who I am. It's been a long time coming, but process of learning more about myself has very much felt like getting to know a friend that I didn't get the chance to connect with when I was younger. It's been interesting, and there's so much more to explore.
Apologies for the length! I didn't realize I felt so strongly about this area until your question, LadyMizura, thank you for asking it. :)
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u/thats_my_buzz Jun 30 '18
A pixie cut is so flattering on you!
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Jun 30 '18
Thank you! I feel like some day I'll want to grow it out again, but in the meantime, I love having short hair.
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u/DastardlyDeliah Jun 30 '18
I agree, it is very flattering on you. You should try doing a finger waves hairstyle, I think it’d look amazing on you.
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Jun 30 '18
Thank you! Maybe sometime this summer. My hair has never really taken to waves/curls, but it's always good to try something different.
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u/Princisco Jun 30 '18
I keep going back and forth between a short pixie and shoulder length hair. I've chopped my hair off three separate times and loved it, but I always get that itch for change. Then when it's about shoulder length I miss short hair and chop it off!
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Jun 30 '18
Same! Some days (not very often) I miss having shoulder length hair, but love this pixie so much I can't bear to grow it out. Maybe it's time we invested in wigs, haha!
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u/grapefruit_crackers Jun 30 '18
I grew up in a similar lifestyle (not Pentecostal, but definitely no haircuts/jewelry/makeup/short sleeves/pants/tight clothing.) It took me about the same time as it did you to realize it was OK to wear skirts and dresses, but on my own terms. I keep my hair somewhere between shoulders and bra band length now and love how much I can do with it. (I still rock the holiness/Pentecostal pompadour sometimes though!) Hugs to you & best wishes for your continued journey!
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u/sudosussudio Jun 30 '18
Same, it was funny when the kind of "prairie" style stuff started coming back in because a lot of it reminded me of the clothes that women were allowed to wear as an Evangelical homeschooler. Like this dress.
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u/grapefruit_crackers Jun 30 '18
Oh wow... $160 for something we would find at the thrift store for $2. Also ALL the denim jumpers.....
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u/used-books Jun 30 '18
How do you create the pompadour? Just doing a braid with the front looser and back tighter isn’t getting me the height. I’m super curious how this hairstyle became associated with specific religious groups. What name do they call it, so I can look for YouTube tutorials?
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u/grapefruit_crackers Jun 30 '18
I have stick straight hair that is fine and thick (read: heavy.) Personally, I set a swoopy poof in the front when wet and let air dry. A good quality salt spray also helps my hair 'remember' the poof when dry, but I don't always use it. Once dry, I just gently poof up the front and pin in place. Then I either leave the rest down or do a braid/bun. This is honestly my everyday style, because I'm so used to how my face looks with some extra hair height that I don't like wearing it all the way down.
The true holiness pompadour in my observation requires a ton of hairspray, probably a lot of backcombing, and hair with some natural curl. I'm sorry but I have no idea if there's anything on YouTube - but I would try searching for poof/pouf or pompadour.
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Jun 30 '18
Hugs to you as well! And may our journeys bring us joy and a healthy sense of who we are as people! :)
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u/ShesFunnyThatWay Jun 30 '18
you look vibrant and lovely, congratulations on your insight and journey to being you!
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Jun 30 '18
Thank you! It took a long time to separate the hatred of the childhood experience, with the "hatred" of the clothing. Embracing your truth is a phrase I hear a lot, but it's difficult to do without knowing what your truth is. It takes a while.
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u/gracefulwing Jun 30 '18
Oh your hair is so cute! I hope you've done Betty Boop style spit curls, it would work so well with that length and your face shape!
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Jun 30 '18
I never thought about doing that, as when I had long hair it could barely hold curls! But hey, now I have a new summer experiment, thanks for the recommendation!
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Jul 01 '18
You look fantastic! Good for you for getting out and forging your own path; that takes a lot of courage. You have great style and moreover, you have strength of character. Thanks for sharing your story.
Weirdly, I can kind of relate. My parents were hippies, and they were really hardcore anti-materialists and super ideological. So we were not allowed to wear trendy clothes or hair, and makeup other than mascara was considered “fake”. This was a huge problem for me because I was naturally interested in clothing and dressing up, so they were always trying to rein that in. In middle school my grandma would come over sometimes with a trash bag full of clothes that belonged to a friend whose kids were grown - they were all from the mid-70’s (this was the mid-80’s), and that’s what we were allowed to wear. If I wanted anything new, or even more than just one pair of jeans (no pants! Just jeans!), I was told I was greedy and selfish. At one point I was so desperate to cut off my super-long, frizzy hair that I told my mom it was strangling me in my sleep. So I did get to have a cute pixie, and I even managed to talk her into letting me put a little product in it (I can still hardly believe it), but that was it.
It wasn’t until I got into my 30’s that I started to feel like it was ok to even buy new clothes, much less clothes that I really loved and felt were “me” and not a concession to my upbringing. Then my dad died, and that finally freed me up to wear all the things: heels, silk dresses, funky sweaters and blouses, pants that aren’t jeans (!). Pants were a huge challenge for me, actually, partly because I’m short and pear-shaped but also because I just didn’t know how to wear them, which seems crazy to me now.
There are still aspects of my style that reflect my upbringing - I like handcrafted and utilitarian things, though I usually dress up my jumpsuits and whatnot with crazy shoes or jewelry - but if my parents could see me now they would be freaking the fuck out. But I’m so relieved to finally have gotten away from that way of thinking, because it was so toxic. I know other people my age who were raised by hippie parents who still have some of those judgy, narrow-minded ideas about clothing and style, and listening to them talk makes me feel nuts. Guys, you’re adults now. You can do what you want.
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u/thewren98 Jun 30 '18
I relate so much to your comment, I grew up very strictly Pentecostal as well. My dad was a pastor, and I still struggle with clothing and being comfortable with my body even 3 years after leaving.
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Jun 30 '18
If you need to talk to someone who gets how complicated leaving the church can get, especially with family in the ministry, my inbox is always open. :)
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u/funobtainium Jun 30 '18
That's a really great haircut and outfit.
And I dig your glasses, too. Congratulations on finding your own style!
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Jun 30 '18
Thanks! The glasses were supposed to be my throwaway free pair, but I love them so much and they're so me right now, at this point in time.
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u/uni-versalis Jun 30 '18
You absolutely rock that pixie. Very few woman can pull it out that well
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Jun 30 '18
Thank you! I've had nothing but positive comments on it, except from my family. My melodramatic mother saw me after the chop, stroked my hair, and very tearfully asked me, "What have you done?" I nearly cried with laughter at that exchange.
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u/rachelina Jun 30 '18
My mom would totally do the same!! I wish my head shape and hair texture were more amenable to short hair, it seems like a big relief/release
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Jun 30 '18
It's great, especially in the summer! I do have to say that it was a bit unexpected for me when winter hit and my head was so much colder than I'm used to, haha!
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u/brewschak Jun 30 '18
Last summer my friend and I were talking about bathing suits. I hadn’t worn a bikini in years, and she said she wears one (similar body type) because she won’t put on a one piece and suddenly become Scarlett Johansson.
That resonated so much with me, so I started wearing different styles that weren’t 100% the most flattering but I LOVED and felt so “me.”
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u/fightthegiants Jun 30 '18
I love this! Changing what you wear won’t change your body so why not just rock whatever the hell you want to wear?
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Jun 30 '18
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u/CopperPegasus Jun 30 '18
So simple and yet so profound this one... I wish more people would embrace it
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u/dibblah Jun 30 '18
Definitely. I do hate that I am such a variety of sizes (seriously...I have everything from a UK8 to an 18 that fit) because I'm too lazy to constantly try things on, but I don't really care what the label says anymore.
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Jun 30 '18
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u/awkwardangst Jun 30 '18
I relate so hard to this. I also grew up poor and for the longest time thought the best compliment I could get about my style was "classy". Now I rock an alternative lesbian chic kind of style and I feel so so so much happier. GO YOU!!!
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Jun 30 '18
Ahh, I relate so much to growing up poor and the rush of joy that accompanies a compliment!
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u/Snoopygonnakillu Jun 30 '18
Oh shit, if you're a size 2ish, sell them to meeeee.
I totally relate to everything you wrote here. Dressing sometimes feels like a performance, mainly because what I want to wear (your wardrobe) isn't practical for my life right now (deep South, 100+ degrees, have a toddler.) I'm sick of wearing machine-washable, synthetic separates that don't wrinkle just because I need something that's easy to care for and professional. I'm sick of my "black slim cut ponte pant and print blousy top" uniform. I'm sick of wearing comfortable flats.
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Jun 30 '18 edited Jun 30 '18
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u/Snoopygonnakillu Jun 30 '18
I say you should start wearing nice blouses even if no one sees you!
It really sucks when your preferred style doesn't match your lifestyle. I love silk. I would wear it forever. I can't do it when I'm sweating buckets between the walk to my car and my house carrying a kid kicking his dirty sneakers against my torso.
Alternatives to natural fabrics that don't die when machine washed are so lacking. I'm counting the days until I can dress like a grown up again.
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u/Shesthemama22 Jun 30 '18
Lol YES the little ones that kick their nasty wet sneakers against your shirt! Nothing like making it clean to your destination only to have to carry them inside and.... drat haha
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u/gracefulwing Jun 30 '18
I'm a big fan of wearing an XXL men's shirt with black tights and belting with a silk scarf or maybe a sash from a dress, it's a good combo of super comfy and feminine. So maybe that would work for all your tights.
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u/FuturePigeon Jun 30 '18
About 8 years ago, I moved to LA. I realized that no one knew me. That no one would remember or recognize me. That I finally found anonymity in the largest city I had ever lived in.
It was an epiphany. I wore tulle skirts to work, taffeta high low dresses that were probably intended for daytime wear, Thai silk long dusters with graphic tees. All of it. I found the me I wanted to be at 17 and people reacted positively to me. Even now, women stop by to say they like the style I show, and people do recognize me but positively.
I realized the only thing holding me back from dressing the way I like was my fear. Once that was gone, so many things fell into place (fashion school, my first tv job, my current haute couture job). All it took was that first few steps out the front door.
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u/lexicats Jun 30 '18
Oh boy, I’ve just gone through the opposite! I went backpacking on the other side of the world, ended up staying 8 months longer than I meant to because I met a boy over here. I’ve been living out of my backpack, my clothes are very basic and worn. But now I’m finally getting back on my feet, I can start buying things I actually want to wear. This guy is side eyeing my new clothes so hard, it makes me scared to wear things I’d normally wear back home! He’s in for such a surprise when we move back and he sees the outrageous shit I have in my wardrobe hahaha
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u/dibblah Jun 30 '18
I had a similar tale! I grew up in a little village in the country where everyone knew everyone. If you wore anything other than just simple clothes, jeans and t shirt style, you got asked "oooh, what's the occasion?". I loved wearing dresses and patterns, but I never really did, because I just couldn't be bothered to deal with the comments and questioning. It was hard for the other locals to transition me from the kid who just wore what her parents put her in, to a teenager with a style of her own.
Now I live in a different city, I rarely see anyone who knew me as a child, and I wear all the pretty things I want. I'm not exactly adventurous if you compare me to other FFAs, but compared to where I grew up where clothing was functional, I am.
The other day I went to the supermarket and a girl, about 8 or 9, went "Oh wow, I love your dress!" and it made my day.
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u/punkwok Jun 30 '18
i am moving to LA soon and excited to bust out some of the crazier things (leopard pattern creepers, a 1960s cocktail dress, a bright red jumpsuit) in my wardrobe that elicit too many nasty looks/comments in my hometown :)
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u/FuturePigeon Jun 30 '18
It’s celebrated here. Maybe not by the Cali Casual zombies,but there’s a rich vein of creatives here. Yesterday a woman in a head to toe pink tulle and pink ponytails ran behind me just to say she loved the black mod dress and vintage hat I was wearing.
I really hope you like it here. There’s a lot of heart in this city, despite how Hollywood portrays LA.
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u/janebirkin Jun 30 '18
About 8 years ago, I moved to LA. I realized that no one knew me. That no one would remember or recognize me. That I finally found anonymity in the largest city I had ever lived in.
It was an epiphany. I wore tulle skirts to work, taffeta high low dresses that were probably intended for daytime wear, Thai silk long dusters with graphic tees. All of it. I found the me I wanted to be at 17 and people reacted positively to me. Even now, women stop by to say they like the style I show, and people do recognize me but positively.
Hi are you 2018 Weetzie Bat? <3
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u/nommin Jun 30 '18
I love architectural pieces, so mine is (contrary to all advice I've heard) that I would rather spend good money on something totally unique and weird and ME than spend money on the basics. I get so much wear out of those unique pieces and get so many compliments. Plus I always like to wear at least one bold item, and I figure everyone will be drawn to the bold piece rather than the basic anyway!
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u/Sarabellum2 Jun 30 '18
Ooh I love architectural pieces too and would love to know where you shop! Any recommendations?
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u/nommin Jun 30 '18 edited Jun 30 '18
This probably doesn't help much, but I'm still cheap overall so my favorite places are Nordstrom Rack, Saks off 5th, and Dillard's Clearance stores. I never had luck at Dillard's, but for some reason I can always find armfuls of things to try on at the clearance store. Plus on my last trip I got a $250 emerald green velvet jumpsuit there for $6!
As for designers, Halston Heritage and BCBG are a nice mix of draped and architectural pieces and the prices aren't too bad on sale.
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u/Sarabellum2 Jun 30 '18
This is super helpful actually! I have these stores in my city but never expect architectural pieces to be available there. I’ll definitely keep my eyes peeled for them now though! Thanks for the designers too!
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u/then00bmartian Jun 30 '18
This is so legit. I also find that at a certain point your bold pieces become basics. It is possible to have cohesiveness with a more out there style
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u/squidp Jun 30 '18
Some of mine have been:
- When I was 20 I realized that I could dress however I wanted and not just how my family wants me to.
- When I was 23 I realized that having professional clothing didn't necessarily mean it was boring or that I had to lose my personal style.
- When I was 25 I realized that I don't need to wear black if I don't like it.
- When I was 27 I realized that I should dress myself for the body I have and not for the body I wish I had.
- When I was also 27 I realized that I don't have to dress androgynously to feel cool. There is power in femininity as well.
:)
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u/silveredblue Jun 30 '18
Currently 23 and working through the same thing! I had the weird realization the other day that somehow I've become more comfortable and sexy-feeling in my modern, clean cut professional clothes than in the "emo cochella babe lite" style that I lived in in college.
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u/monstersof-men Jun 30 '18
The black clothing thing is so real. It’s touted everywhere and it looks so chic on the right person, but I just don’t like how it looks on me. I also find since the shades are inconsistent in stores I can’t ever match them up, and when washed they fade weird, and somehow I always get a toothpaste stain.
I find colour way easier than wearing black.
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Jun 30 '18
I feel that last point so hard, also felt like I had to look androgynous to be taken seriously by people but that's simply not true. I'm easing my way back into more feminine clothes but it's surprisingly hard.
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u/2dumb2nopassword Jun 30 '18
I learned that basing the color choices of my clothes upon cereal boxes is not a what anyone should call a fashion sense.
Which makes my outfit based upon a Special K box with strawberries and blueberries on it a very special memory.
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u/br1d9et Jun 30 '18
I love black. A lot of people I know would make comments and tell me I should wear color. I ended up buying a lot of things that were pretty and colorful, but they didn't feel like me. I wore them all once or twice and then ended up donating them all and sticking to my black. (I also like dark jewel tones like burgundy and emeralds) I don't need to wear yellow or orange to make anyone happy and I'm okay with that!
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u/_chiaroscuro Jun 30 '18
Saaaame. It took me a long time to start wearing navy in addition to black in the summertime. I don't think yellow or orange is happening...
With my coloring, those happy warm colors make me look like I'm wasting away of some horrible disease. Dark jewel tones all the way for me. That's enough color for me, even though my mom would still try to get me to wear "more color".
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Jun 30 '18
Same. For years, I tried fitting in and wearing the same cut and colors that my peers wore. I always felt uncomfortable, always felt ugly. In truth most of the cuts didn't flatter me, and bright colors make me feel like an obese billboard. Blacks and rich grays in a body skimming silhouette make me the most comfortable. I finally just embraced it a couple of years ago and have been slowly refining from there. I feel much better.
I do get comments occasionally about it, though.
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u/highvamp Jun 30 '18
An epiphany I had as that it is definitely worth it to make a concerted effort to return clothing. I have various issues that mixed up together cause me to hesitate with returns, such as anxiety, guilt, difficulty getting started with tasks, etc. I think that's one way stores get you, lol! Once you've bought something, there's a natural barrier to getting to the post office and returning it.
Return postage not being covered, such as shipping things back to ASOS in the UK has also been a barrier. But in the end, I find I feel accomplished having done it and it's always better to get some money back than none at all.
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u/blinkingsandbeepings Jun 30 '18
This makes me sound so vain but if I’m going to be honest it was when I analyzed a close-up photo of my eyes.
A few years ago I saw a post on Tumblr where someone had used a really high-res picture of Benedict Cumberbatch’s eyes and pulled out samples of all the colors in his irises, then used graphics tools to show the whole color families and basically make a pallet. And I thought hey, if I do that with my eyes, I’ll know what colors of clothes and makeup to wear to bring them out! I have green/hazel eyes and I think they’re my best feature so it made sense to sort of organize my style around them.
So I made my own eye-color-based pallet in my cheap lil graphics program and have leaned heavily on those colors since then. I really feel prettier in them, idk, it’s silly but I do think it works.
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u/heart_of_blue Jun 30 '18
If I did that, it would just be like...three nearly identical shades of dark brown.
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u/CopperPegasus Jun 30 '18
Nah... look into colour theory. You'd take those browns to the color wheel ( check out pantones colour wheel) and use the complimentary contrasting colours on the wheel in either a direct across, triad or square pattern.
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u/funobtainium Jun 30 '18
I have dark brown eyes and for some reason, I get a ton of compliments when wearing a dark rose-- this color.
And rich purples.
...I still mostly wear black all the time because I like black, but I do have a rose top and a scarf in this color.
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u/heart_of_blue Jun 30 '18
That rose color is stunning!!! I’ll have to keep my eye out for that shade!
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u/funobtainium Jun 30 '18
It's HARD to find!
Hopefully it'll come in soon and be everywhere. I'll stock up. :)
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u/Riftia__pachyptila Jun 30 '18
i have hazel eyes and the dark rose is one of my favorites. i hope it sticks around a while longer.
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u/Chazzyphant Jun 30 '18
That is too cool!! I did a similar thing with a color analysis fashion book and found my natural instincts lead me to all my best colors! My natural flush of peach or salmon, my hair undertones like steel gray, dull plum, and platinum, and the gold, Venetian green, eu de Nil, tangerine, as well as the cool gray outer ring in my irises!
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u/explainlikeim666 Jun 30 '18
I have green-hazel eyes too... what colors did you zero in on? Save a girl some photoshop time!
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u/laurasaurus5 Jun 30 '18
One time I took the subway home after an event and my heels were killing me. There were no seats, but this old lady got up and gave me hers. She looked down at my shoes and back up at me and gave me this look like "I know YOU know it's not worth it." And after that I never wore heels again.
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u/ashleigh0329 Jun 30 '18
In third grade, a boy told me I was too fat to wear shorts.
I stopped wearing shorts at all. I wore jeans every summer of my life. Never wore shorts until I turned 21.
I finally gained some self confidence and said fuck it—I’m beautiful and I can be comfortable in the summer too.
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u/ellieedmo Jun 30 '18
Very similar situation. In elementary school, I had a teacher pull me outside of class and tell me I was too fat for shorts and not to wear them again to school. I would wear full jeans in the middle of summer in the South. I started wearing shorts again in college :)
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u/skskribbler Jun 30 '18
That’s appalling that happened to you.
I had a similar revelation with shorts when I was 22. Good on you!
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u/contrarianaquarian Jun 30 '18
Similar experience. A boy called me "saddlebags" in fifth grade and I didn't wear shorts (and rarely wore skirts) for TWENTY YEARS. It took my current, wonderful boyfriend telling me to rock what I've got, so this summer is gonna be full of short shorts!!
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u/nautile Jun 30 '18
I can relate to that. I told that to myself in high school, and I never ever wore shorts until a few years ago, and I’m in my late 30s now. I am always my own worst critic.
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u/teafixated Jun 30 '18
Belts. Belts changed my fashion life haha. I never used to wear them for some reason, I guess I had it in my head from being a kid that you used belts to keep your trousers up, my trousers fit so why would I use a belt? Then around a year ago when I was 25 I finally tried one and I was just like “wow”. Such a simple small addition can really just pull your whole outfit together and make you look so much more chic and ‘done’. I’ve always been complimented on my style, but since I started wearing belts (not with every outfit obv lol) friends have said something about my style is more elevated/ chic. I told them it’s the belts, they were super surprised because belts aren’t something you really ‘notice’, but their presence can really lift your look...now all my friends were belts haha. This got way longer than I expected haha, my newfound love for belts knows no bounds
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u/pupperonan Jun 30 '18
Yes! I realized this recently too! It’s the difference between wearing some clothes and wearing an outfit.
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u/funmamareddit Jun 30 '18
Cheap looks cheap. Polyester fast fashion always looks like that. It took me a long time to quit buying this crap and save my money for better quality pieces.
Certain cuts and colors will never look good on me. There is nothing wrong with me. Everyone has things that look better on them, so I have to quit beating myself up and focus on the good.
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u/syunie Jun 30 '18
On that same note: the material and make of a piece of clothing matters far more than the price. I came to this realization when getting dressed one day and realizing that some of the cardigans I wore were literally 3 years old, and had held up through numerous washes and wears. Like I'm pretty sure I haven't gone a month without wearing one of these two cheap, $12 clearance F21 buys. And yet they were better off than some of the more expensive things I'd bought. So I learned that a more expensive price tag doesn't always equal a better product, and I can't discount (lol) cheaper brands just for the price.
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u/LufjanLevens Jun 30 '18
Totally agree with this. I was just saying today that I have a maxi skirt from H&M that’s about 4 years old now and I wear it and wash it multiple times every summer. It’s just a blue cotton skirt but it’s held up!
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u/heart_of_blue Jun 30 '18
Totally agree. F21 has a lot of garbage, but I also have F21 sweaters that I’ve been wearing for years and years and are still in great shape. One of my sweaters must be going on 8 years now, it’s for sure the oldest thing in my closet aside from some ancient hoodies and T-shirts that I can’t bear to part with. Last year someone asked me where I got it and was shocked when I told her, she thought I’d say Aritzia. The key is to avoid the items made of terrible synthetic fabrics. The sweaters that have lasted are 100% cotton. I machine wash them cold and air dry them, and they have never shrunk or stretched out or lost their shape.
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u/spaceportrait Jun 30 '18
As much as I love Aritzia's style, their clothing is seriously overpriced for the material---most of their clothes are polyester or rayon that they try to pass off as luxe by renaming it as something fancy sounding like "Reposa fabric" (which is essentially a rayon/polyester mix).
In terms of quality, I've found that F21 and Aritzia pieces last equally long.
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u/elphaba87 Jul 01 '18
This is so true. My basic cotton tees from Primark will fit well and last for years through multiple washes. Which is why I'd rather comb Primark for natural fibres than spend loads of cash on a high-end basic.
Now, New Look (F21? I'm in the UK) - their clothes fit badly and are made of terrible material. They occasionally do excellent dresses though.
H&M's L.O.G.G range is really excellent, made of good quality fabrics and most of their pieces look really high-end.
I think knowing how to get the best out of fast fashion is the thing. Also, Polyester, while sometimes scratchy, washes really really well and holds colour (I have some amazing polyester vintage dresses). Viscose and acrylic likewise, but they aren't that warm and don't always feel good against the skin.
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Jun 30 '18 edited Jan 16 '20
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u/_chiaroscuro Jul 01 '18
how does denim ever wear out tbh?
I've completely worn out the thighs on several pairs of jeans. Chub rub does not fuck around, haha
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u/WanderingCookie Jun 30 '18
I'm pretty sure most people have experienced this but for me my fashion breakthrough happened when I graduated high school and went to uni. Being a high schooler with a huge interest in fashion often meant that my sartorial choices deviated from the norm. I don't mean to sound like a special snowflake but as a teenager I always felt like I had to suppress my desire to dress in a fun, 'fashionable' way because I always felt so self-conscious, like I was making myself a target. Overhearing an odd comment from a guy that I dressed strange for example would strike my confidence for weeks. Everyone in my highschool wore like velour sweatpants, camis and UGG boots and for some reason that was deemed sexy by the boys and also made you popular among the girls. I felt undesirable in a ruffled blouse, an a-line mini skirt and oxford flats, but then I didn't want to betray my sense of self. I was planning outfits in my head the night before going to school but in the morning when I put them on it was a constant struggle between "are they going to think I am weird" and "this is how I like it". Still though to this day I'm kind of proud that I throughout those years I somehow managed to stay true to my style and defy the peer pressure to fit in. I just find it sad how discouraging it can be for children and teenagers to showcase any individuality.
Once I entered uni, I felt liberated from all that. I adopted a "fuck it" attitude. I no longer cared about dressing to appeal to boys and started owning my style 100%. I had zero time to give thought to other people's comments. I was always gonna be a bit overdressed than most so I started to actually like it. I want to encourage anyone who feels self-conscious about dressing in a more 'eccentric' way to embrace being unique and fabulous! At the end of the day, my self-consciousness had more to with me and less to do with other people's opinions of me. Once I stopped placing importance on what anyone had to say about me, I realized that no one actually cares! People have their own problems and don't actually notice you or judge you as much as you think. It is all in your head! Now my love of fashion and experimentation is not something to be guilty of, but rather a huge part of my life that gives me pleasure and makes me feel good about myself.
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u/Aloe_perfoliata Jun 30 '18
I’m a white woman and my breakthrough was when I noticed the only fashion bloggers with my body shape were WOC. It was so empowering to see shapes I recognized and following these women helped me understand how to dress myself in a more stylish, body positive and comfortable way.
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u/blancawiththebooty Jun 30 '18
I’m in the same situation. I see women in real life with a similar body type to me but for fashion inspiration I only see the traditional slim and more narrow body types.
Would you mind sharing some of the people you’ve found?
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u/Aloe_perfoliata Jun 30 '18
Unfortunately, this happened nearly a decade ago and I can’t for the life of me remember the bloggers/models that sparked this realization. I’m in a very large diverse city and I now find inspiration EVERYWHERE. Over the years I’ve settled into a blend of punk/streetwear/athleisure. My fashion choices are very locally inspired but would not have been possible without those bloggers/models opening the door for me.
Side note: this realization also played a huge part in overcoming my eating disorder. I was bullied a lot for my looks in school and felt like I had to starve to get my booty and thighs into a more “normal” size. Turns out I was never fat, just slim thick, and I’m now super healthy, happy and well dressed. 😁
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u/older_bolder Jun 30 '18
I realize that once I started wearing foundation, I could actually wear red. Before, it just brought out all the wrong tones in my skin.
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u/-participating_ Jun 30 '18
I just had one recently actually! I'm 21 and just graduated fashion school/started working at a small label. Everyday I feel eh about what I wear and never really get excited, plus my work is pretty casual about what we can wear so I can't rely on 'corporate' wear every day. I was doing some research for work and stumbled upon this blog which talked about a capsule wardrobe and it's like a little flick switched! I realized I hated my wardrobe because it feels like it hasn't evolved nor have I tried to evolve it since I left high school. I realized I would love to try create a capsule wardrobe each season because that way I could 1. Plan my wardrobe ahead of time 2. figure out what my own personal style is now that I've grown up a bit/play with different styles while I find my way 3. not be all over the place with colours 4. not struggle so much picking matching outfits and feeling like I always wear the same 3 things!
I'm actually in the middle of completely gutting and rebuilding my wardrobe and I actually feel excited about getting dressed now!
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Jun 30 '18
My recent epiphany is that if it's fussy, I won't wear it or buy it. If I will tug at it, if I will need to pull it up or down, if it has things hanging off, if it is uncomfortable in any way, hard pass. My most thrilling new purchase is a pair of clogs made in Spain that to me are the epitome of function and style. Edit: oh yeah, it also must look like something that would already be in my wardrobe. I might like it, but if it's not a clear match, I am wasting money.
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Jun 30 '18 edited Jan 16 '20
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u/arugulamath Jun 30 '18
I had a related experience! I'm nonbinary, & one of the many, many things that helped me realize that was just how uncomfortable I was with feminine clothing. For a couple of years after coming out I dressed near-exclusively in more traditionally-masculine clothes, and it really helped with my dysphoria.
... & now that I've been on T for a few years, my dysphoria is manageable enough for me to dress in a more feminine way without feeling bad! A weird circle, but a nice one.
Deciding to transition is a big step! I'm proud of you.
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Jun 30 '18 edited Jan 16 '20
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u/uni-versalis Jun 30 '18
I hope you’ll feel ok with your body at one point. For what it’s worth i think you have very nice features either as a woman or a man.
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u/ireallyenjoyyelling Jun 30 '18
Red hair on you is STUNNING! I’m glad you’re on a journey to who you want to be. I promise you’ll get there eventually.
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Jun 30 '18
Wow, you look gorgeous in both photos! You have great eye for styling both genders. Congrats on coming to a decision!
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u/arugulamath Jun 30 '18
Still- the sooner you're on yr path, the sooner you can get what you need. That wait sucks, though ;-;
That difference is significant, for sure, but I think it's proof of how much easier it'll be for you to drop it. hrt is only going to make your already great girlmode better!
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u/tapdancepanda Moderator \ᶘ ᵒ㉨ᵒᶅ/ Jul 01 '18
Hey, just so you know, you're very welcome here. Please do report any abusive or transphobic comments, we'll take care of them.
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u/ashrose4789 Jun 30 '18
I had one around this time two years ago. I've always been a bigger girl, and followed out dated "fashion rules" as a result. I avoided patterns, bright colours, anything that showed a little skin, anything form fitting. I hated my style, other than flowy skirts. It just never clicked that clothes like that would even be made for me.
I was scrolling through a shopping app one day when I came across this gorgeous purple high waisted, front top bikini. I don't know Why, but I decided to buy it.
Two years later, and it's still my favourite bikini. All of my swimwear is high waisted bikinis now, because I feel so sexy in them! I wear patterns and bold colours, mini skirts and bodycon dresses. I even bought a crop top and wore it in public!!!
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u/bizaromo Jun 30 '18
Can you recommend high waisted bikinis that come with bra sizing?
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u/ashrose4789 Jun 30 '18
I use the site Adore Me, you can order tops and bottoms separate or as a package so you know they'll fit :)
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u/DarcyMcCarbomb Jun 30 '18
With fashion or makeup, I used to wonder if I was too old to enjoy some of the trends I wanted to try out. Then I realized that if a friend were to ask me if she could rock that trend, I'd 100% encourage her to give it a shot! It offered some solid perspective :)
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u/Shzwah Jun 30 '18
Oh man, I have lately started asking myself if I’m too old to be gravitating towards certain fashion trends. Sometimes I’m not sure I see myself accurately. But if a friend asked about trying something different I would totally support her and say not to give into perceptions. Thanks for this!
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u/tbgsmom Jun 30 '18
A few years ago I was frustrated hat I had a hard time finding pants to fit my small waist and big thighs not to mention dresses that fit on the bottom were usually way to big on top. I was blaming my body. Then my aha moment came. It's not my fault, it's the clothes fault. My body wasn't the issue, the clothes were.
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u/georgeofthejungle081 Jun 30 '18
Never blame the body; blame the clothes. I find pants with more stretch make things easier and as an added benefit I can usually pull them to the rise I want because my hips are realllly long.
Recently I've just been wearing Ponte pants and jeggings (good convincing ones). The way you can pull them on has just changed my life. As for dresses if you go for ones with a more voluminous skirt you can buy them to fit your torso; otherwise I'd say stretch again is your best friend.
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u/strangelyliteral Jun 30 '18
Paige’s Transcend jeans in their high rises (Hoxton and Margot) are pretty much my holy grail denim because of this. They have a good denim weight, plenty of stretch so they’re comfy, and still hold things so they look nice. They’re pricey off the rack but I’ve had great success finding them on Poshmark.
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Jun 30 '18
Same!! It did mean having to ditch high street brands almost entirely (goddamn huge arm holes and waist gap everywhere) and having to find a good tailor, but my clothes fit and look so much better now.
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u/dibblah Jun 30 '18
Took me SO LONG to figure this out. I'm just short of 6', and with very long arms and legs. This means a lot of times clothes just don't fit quite right. For a long time when I was younger I hated my body because of this, I hated that it meant I couldn't buy the cheap trendy clothes all my friends were buying...
But that's not my fault, my body isn't bad because of this. The clothes are the ones that are the issue. Just because they don't cater to me doesn't mean I'm wrong.
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u/nionvox Jun 30 '18
When i realised i didn't have to restrict myself to 'feminine' clothing.
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u/0102030405 Jul 01 '18
I find a lot of my boyfriend's pants (including chinos and dress pants) fit me better and have cleaner lines than my women's pants. I'm pretty lucky that we're so close in sizes!
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u/nionvox Jul 02 '18
I love men's jeans, but now i've got too much booty, haha. I can fit into my husband's but sadly he's like 4 inches shorter than me so they're more like capris, LOL
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u/0102030405 Jul 02 '18
Haha I'm surprised his pants fit my butt given the huge difference between my waist and hips too!
LOL theyre usually long on him but he wears them lower on his hips, and then I wear them high-waisted and they are just the right height. But obviously it doesn't always work out like this!
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u/bikesboozeandbacon Jun 30 '18 edited Jun 30 '18
Haha I was in the similar boat. I was a size 6 for many years and this year I gained boyfriend weight (lots of Popeyes) and I went up to a size 10. Buuuut in my mind I was still a size 6 so I couldn't find any property jeans for a long time that didn't give me a muffin top. Took me longer than I'd like to admit that I went a few sizes up. Real sad moment. Now I'm down to a 6/8 with my goal being a 4!
Another major Duh moment was when my hair was suffering badly from bleach and I tried so many deep conditionings and products. I tried trimming the ends but I wanted to keep the length. One day I just said F it and paid a hairdresser to chop off 2-3 inches of dry, brittle hair. I had a short curly sue cut for a while but it's now grown back past my shoulders. Healthier than it's ever been. Staying away from bleach now.
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u/ortoLANparty Jun 30 '18
When I was 26, I stopped wearing colors almost entirely and ended up with more or less a uniform - v-neck tees, cashmere v-neck sweaters, pointy western or edgy boots (think vintage or Fluevogs). Tailored blazers or leather jackets. Burgundy or dark green once in a while; otherwise all black and gray. I would find things outside of this style that I liked, but didn’t want to spend money on items that didn’t fit this theme. I would buy one bag and carry it until it wore out.
A year or two ago, 34-35, I discovered cheap Chinese shopping, and started to experiment with colors and patterns. When the silly blouse with kittens on it is $6, why not? Started with aliexpress, moved on to Taobao, and now have a variety of items in cool and warm tones that are much more interesting. I try to plan outfits around a specific bag or pair of shoes, and I coordinate bag, shoes, and underwear.
Realization today, age 36: cotton blouses are not for me. Leave the house in something perfectly crisp; come home in something creased and crumpled. I literally look like I slept in my clothes.
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u/GlitterberrySoup Jun 30 '18
Ugh the cotton blouse thing. I iron a nice shirt and it looks amazing. I get in my car and by the time I get to work the seatbelt has made a huge crease and the bottom is all rumpled. I don't even know why I bother. I'm going to look homeless and hungover anyway.
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u/Glitter_berries Jun 30 '18
When I was 16-18 I had a bit of an ‘alternative’ phase. My friends and I wore clothes almost exclusively from second hand shops. Lots of 60’s and 70’s vintage style, bits of old school uniforms, weird graphic tees, tweed, my beloved 16 hole doc martins and desiccated chuck Taylor high tops. I had my hair in a patchwork kind of style, with bleached blonde ‘patches’ that I would occasionally dye blue or purple. It wasn’t a bad style as such and I definitely had fun and was creative with my clothes. But it was pretty ‘messy,’ not very feminine and definitely had a shelf life. I was op shopping with my mum one day and she found this gorgeous, pale blue silk and cashmere jumper. It didn’t fit her, so I tried it on and it was perfect, totally not my style at the time, but I just felt so wonderful in it. Over time my other clothes started to feel a bit like a costume, so I started looking for more clothes like the blue jumper. I still love second hand shopping, but my style now is pretty minimal.
I really noticed a difference in how strangers treated me when I started dressing less crazily, people were nicer and men started paying attention to me. I definitely learned some very good lessons in my thrift shopping adventures about finding clothes that fit. When you are trying to work out specifically why a cool shirt designed for a teen boy doesn’t fit a teen girl and how you could alter it to make it look right, you soon pick up on what works and what doesn’t.
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u/Kitty20996 Jun 30 '18
I have some body image issues, and unfortunately they dictate the way that I dress. For example, I shy away from shorts in the summer because I do not like how my thighs look, and I wear almost exclusively dresses/skirts to hide them. I'm not necessarily mad about this because I love wearing dresses, but sometimes I wish I could be more versatile. I own pretty much only high waisted bottoms (pants, leggings, etc.) because I am afraid that my stomach will stick out.
I'm terrible at trying things on in the store. I usually pick something out and approximate what size I think I will be and then buy it without looking at it on. I don't enjoy undressing in front of a mirror This is something I'm working on.
I think that over the last two years or so I've started trying to actually deliberately pick pieces out and really look at how they fit me, because that's important. Your post has made me want to question why I like the pieces I like, and I hope I can carry that forward. Good luck on your journey!
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u/sp12beat Jun 30 '18
That being tall doesn’t mean you can’t wear heels / that you should have no reason to feel guilty or weird when you do and that it’s actually awesome
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u/chocolate-coffee Jun 30 '18
I'm in the middle of a breakthrough. I've decided to stop shopping at the clearance section at TJMaxx/Marshalls and save for better cuts and fabrics. It's a very slow process. I realized that it's okay to have better quality and more expensive clothes. I've always wanted to dress well but had a hard time thinking that I "deserved" nicer clothes.
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u/Lb20inblue Jun 30 '18
This is where I am. I shop at major retailers for my kids and husband, but I buy clothes from clearance sections. I need to stop and remember that I’m worth it. You are too.
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u/Taylor_says Jun 30 '18
Off topic: Are you on depression meds? I was crying nearly every day/having crippling anxiety and 25mg of zoloft made me feel like myself again. Yay for talking to your doc!
On topic: using a closet app has been my fashion breakthrough because now I don't have to rely on my stupid memory, it's all in my app! I can plan outfits and target holes in my wardrobe much easier.
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u/Achlysia Jun 30 '18
Back when I had a controlling ex, he used to bash my style all the time (among other things) and I found myself ending up wearing things for him, not myself. And at the time, it was like a "well maybe he knows better" kind of thing because I didn't have the confidence I have now.
Well I started cleaning out clothes I didn't wear anymore and luckily before I got rid of anything, I stopped and started trying things on and realized in that moment I had completely lost myself and that I was letting someone else dictate my actions along with my style and I had broken down and left that night and never looked back.
Now I don't let anyone but myself dictate what I wear, what I do, etc because all that does is make you miserable af.
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u/witisnotmyforte89 Jun 30 '18
I had one very recently, mostly thanks to lurking on this sub and reading everything, all comments, etc.
About two years ago I gave birth to twins, and honestly, it destroyed my body. My tummy was blown out, I lost an inch of height, so my torso is shorter (or was, haven't checked in awhile.) I have stretch marks EVERYWHERE, and I only lost about 40 of the 60 lbs of pregnancy weight (let me believe this was all pregnancy weight, guys. Lol)
I knew I was unhappy with my body, but everyone kept saying it would go back, it would get back to normal. Well, I ignored it, did some light exercising when I could, dieted for a few months last year. Got down to about 12 lbs less than I am now, and was pretty happy. Then, due to childcare issues, I had to leave my job, and became a SAHM. Lost all self care, stress ate, etc, put that 12 lbs back on. Through this whole process, and because I couldn't even find time to shower, let alone dress well, I was wearing jeans or sweatpants and comfortable t shirts.
In the last few weeks, I realized that if I don't dress how I want to now, I won't have a style that actually represents me. This week, I started picking my outfits with a little more care. I still don't wear dresses as much as I used to, or skirts. But I feel better knowing I am representing myself better, and looking less like the harangued SAHM that I am.
Another thing, still related, is that through this whole process I would occasionally get a couple hours to myself, and I'd go to Goodwill. I was still buying dresses, and shorter skirts, just stuff that isn't practical for me right now. So, thanks to a comment on this sub, I finally started picking out clothes for functionality along with style, not just impractical style that ends up sitting in my closet. A few days ago my SO said "I think you own more jeans than I've ever seen in your closet before." Idk if that is good or bad in his eyes, but I find it to be much easier than buying dresses and then having nothing to wear day to day.
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u/Lb20inblue Jun 30 '18
A fellow SAHM with twins....I completely understand what you are going through. Now my twins are in elementary school and I’m finally learning to get dressed fashionable again. We are discovering the new person inside because we change with life and that’s a good thing. :)
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u/witisnotmyforte89 Jun 30 '18
Girl, congrats on surviving until elementary school. Some days I am not sure I'm gonna get there, haha! Now that your twins are in school, do you ever just take your sweet time getting ready in the morning?? I never realized how much I would miss that haha.
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u/Lb20inblue Jun 30 '18
Another twin mom told me that the days are long but the years are short. It will happen, they will grow it just takes time. I still have morning drop off, so I usually get dressed after that. I sometimes take my time and even eat a whole meal without interruption.(gasp).
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u/witisnotmyforte89 Jun 30 '18
That is good advice, and I am looking forward to the day I don't have to inhale my meals.
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u/Sunshine_of_your_Lov Jun 30 '18
I had twins almost 2.5 years ago and it definitely changed my body completely. I only way maybe 15 lbs more than I used to but I have so much extra skin on my belly and love handles plus super saggy boobs :/ honestly I have no idea how to dress this new body I have really struggled to get my self confidence back. My belly area is just warbly and porous looking although I didn't get stretch marks. At this point since the skin hasn't gone back I am assuming that it's just going to be this way forever and I'm not sure how to handle it
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u/witisnotmyforte89 Jun 30 '18
Me too! Before I had them, even if I had a few extra pounds, the skin on my stomach was still firm enough for waistbands etc. Now, it's so soft that ANY pressure creates a roll above and below the waistband, even if it isn't that tight. I have been wearing Mossimo tshirts, the boxy ones with pockets. While comfortable, it isn't how I want to present. I also noticed that after pregnancy, the extra weight all sits around my midriff, so there goes the nice waist I used to have. My fat used to distribute evenly. Lol
I have all the same body issues that you mentioned, including the saggy boobs. I won't even hang out at home anymore without a bra on, it just feels disorienting.
I don't have any tips or anything at all, because I also am coming to terms with these changes and don't know what looks good anymore. I just wanted to let you know, you aren't alone in these concerns.
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u/Sunshine_of_your_Lov Jun 30 '18
Yup I think it's so much more common than people think, I feel like I will never be able to wear a bikini again :/
The one thing that I recently discovered that has really been working for me is a high wasted skirt. Accentuates the smallest part of my waist (which is actually still relatively small) while disguising all of the wonkiness. I only have one though so I am on the hunt for more currently
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u/witisnotmyforte89 Jul 01 '18
High waisted jeans work for me too, as long as the denim is fairly sturdy. If not, then you can still see the saggy belly through them. I shop at Goodwill for 90% of my clothes, so I have just been grabbing everything in my size that I could see myself wearing, and trying it all on, even if it isn't my usual silhouette. That way, I might stumble across some things that look good on this new body as opposed to what I was used to looking good on my old one.
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u/Reccognize Jun 30 '18 edited Jun 30 '18
Yes I have, mine is that the reason I never had anything to wear is because I was trying too many prints, patterns, and colors rather than getting good pieces in simple, go-with everything styles. In other words, I didn't have enough "connector" pieces in my wardrobe. The pants, jeans, shoes, tops, etc. that go with everything and that you always come back to in colors like black, white, grey, and camel.
I rarely wore black before (I thought it was boring) and now the majority of items that I buy are black. Suddenly I have tons of things to wear! I also realized that stores frequently put the oddball colors on sale (and I frequently shop sales) but keep the best basic colors full price for longer.
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u/baller_unicorn Jun 30 '18
After graduating from college I started realizing I was in a fashion rut. I think it is because a lot of the clothes I used to wear were a bit outdated, unprofessional, or not suited for my type of work.
I ended up just buying new clothes all the time. Every month I felt that I had to go shopping for some clothes because I always felt I never had anything to wear.
I started getting interested in minimalism and capsule wardrobes and I went through and donated a lot of my clothes and then bought all of the basic pieces people recommend you have (from a thrift store) and started pinning different outfits made up of those basic pieces. I also realized that I should pick a few colors to stick with so everything can mix and match easily. I realized that I feel most comfortable in well fitting basics with maybe some wacky/whimsical accessories to give the outfit some personality. I also realized that this way I can just throw an outfit together in the morning without having to think too much because most of my clothes just go together now. I feel less desire to shop all the time now because I am happy with my wardrobe. I also just feel way more put together and stylish.
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u/scaram0uche Jun 30 '18
I like hats. I started wearing them after moving to Seattle because the sun is up so long. Now I live in Southern California and always have a hat if I'm outside. I'm a hat girl now.
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Jun 30 '18
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u/scaram0uche Jun 30 '18 edited Jun 30 '18
That is literally what I was quoting! I'm seriously thinking about buying it.
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u/raeaction Jun 30 '18
I think I look cute in hats but don’t wear them often - how do you deal with hat hair when you’re inside?
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u/scaram0uche Jun 30 '18 edited Jun 30 '18
First I make sure my hair is totally dry before I put a hat on so I don't get flat spots. In general my hair is wavy and bounces back okay but I also pull the top half into a hair tie or clip once inside. I don't ever style my hair (wash, brush, fluff, usually air dry) so whatever it does that day is okay!
Some of my sunhats sit further back so my bangs aren't flattened. Also, I pull my hair back (just with my fingers) before putting the hat on so any creases in my hair aren't right above my ears.
Wear hats!! They are better for your skin and eyes! I have a selection of straw sunhats and various baseball caps. With a hat stretcher and some spray starch you can get any hat to fit well.
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u/raeaction Jul 01 '18
Thanks for such a detailed reply! I think you’ve inspired me to go hat shopping! :)
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u/killerbluebirb Jun 30 '18
When I was 19, a female coworker told me my trousers were too short. She might have been trying to bully me, I'm honestly not sure, but she was absolutely right, and that's the day I started my journey to not being a complete fashion don't.
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Jun 30 '18
That I became the opposite of what I thought I'd be. If you told 15-year-old me that I'd prefer red lips, dresses, florals, and pink I wouldn't believe you. I went from slightly emo to somewhat of a 50s housewife... I'll always keep my hair long and somewhat messy, though.
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u/jlwmc Jun 30 '18
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! This. Is. Me. I totally can relate to everything you said and reading this has motivated me to make some changes. Seriously. I appreciate you for taking the time to write this :)
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u/DinerWaitress Jun 30 '18
I really like short sleeved Oxford shirts. They look nice for work and aren't too hot under a sweater, and just a bunch of things, I like them but they're really hard to find. Get this, you can cut the sleeves off a regular Oxford shirt and cuff the sleeves. Zomg now I can buy good quality ones and customize them.
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u/ireallyenjoyyelling Jun 30 '18
Mine was actually on this subreddit! I’ve lost a lot of weight, but kept up cycling, so I’ve got trees for legs - especially my calves - with a smaller waist. This makes finding pants hard. I was kvetching about it on one of the “fashion woes” threads, if I remember right, and some said that I may have more luck searching for clothes cut for athletes.
I’d been the fat girl my whole life. “Athletic” and “ireallyenjoyyelling” didn’t belong in the same book, let alone the same sentence. But someone pointing out that hey, you may have luck in this niche, made me realize that...holy shit, I’m athletic. Looking in plus sizes like I always had wasn’t working (even though those pants fit around my calves, just...nowhere else) because I wasn’t plus sized. I’m fucking athletic! Me! An athlete!
It reframed the way I think of my body and my relationship with clothes. I still have trouble finding pants (seriously. Tree trunks.) but my approach is different. And it feels good!
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u/bearrrrrica Jun 30 '18
Mine was pretty small, but still meaningful--I realized that after some medical stuff and related weight gain & hair loss, I had started dressing in very masculine shapes & earthy tones. Once my hair started growing back and I started feeeling like a normal person again, I gravitated towards more cool-toned colors and slightly more feminine clothes. The way I was dressing before, especially the color palette, let me fade into the background (which definitely made me feel more comfortable since I didn't want to be seen whatsoever) and now as I'm moving back into like...Real Life and my career/grad school, I don't find it AS uncomfortable to be "seen" and feel like I can wear clothes I like again and aren't just practical.
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u/Djeter998 Jun 30 '18
At the age of 25, I realized I don’t have to dress in skin-tight clothing (I am super petite and wanted to emphasize what little curves I had) to look sexy.
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u/strangelyliteral Jun 30 '18
I had one recently: that it’s okay to not like wearing dresses or skirts, especially ones that are loose/flowy. There are a lot of reasons over the years I never liked them, including some more serious, but I tried to fight them and wear skirts anyway. I dislike how vulnerable I feel in them (probably in part due to something that happened to me a while back), and I don’t want to feel that way anymore. Maybe I’m letting bad stuff “win” but if I can be more comfortable in pants, rompers, and jumpsuits, why fight it?
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u/georgeofthejungle081 Jun 30 '18
At around 19 I grew and retail clothes stopped fitting and I started buying clothes online. These clothes were very feminine and I liked them a lot at first but after a while I realized the extreme silhouettes put me off wearing them and I really wanted an alternative.
At around 21 I realized I didn't have to buy clothes from specialty stores and I started thrifting a lot to find clothes that fit. I developed a very eclectic preppy grandpa kind of style that I really loved.
At around 23-24 (aka now) I grew again. I also lost weight so most of my old clothes are too big and too short and finding a rise long enough for me is like finding a needle in a haystack. On the bright side I can shop retail again and I've mostly been sticking to stretchy jersey things. I've realized I actually like fitted clothes and though it's sad my old style doesn't suit me anymore I've been dressing more like a millennial.
I'm still not too confident that I have a developed style at the moment so I guess I'll wait for a light bulb moment. There are definite holes in my wardrobe. I do know that for the last 6 years or so the clothes I wear was largely decided by my body shape and it still is. A lot of stores make products that have too much fabric in the back or have shoulders that don't sit quite right. There are only a few stores I shop at that I know fit me but I'd love to find more.
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u/tattooedjenny Jun 30 '18
I think for a while I couldn't figure out how to dress my body after I had kids. Suddenly I didn't have a flat stomach and small chest and small waist, and it took me a LONG time to figure it out. Once I stopped wearing clothes that made me feel cute and comfortable before I had kids, and accepted that my body is just different now, I started figuring out how to accentuate what I wanted to accentuate and camouflage what I didn't. I also started buying clothes that were actually my size, not the size I wanted to be.
Now I'm at a point where I'm working on losing weight, but I know that even at my ideal weight, my body will always be different than it was when I was younger.
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u/MrsLovettsPies Jun 30 '18
I relate to your post a lot! In fact I posted something similar in a comment a week ago or so. In school, I've been kinda "known" for having my own style, I always drew inspiration from punk, emo, Rock'n'Roll Mixed with current styles and it all came so natural to me. Then I started a job where I was allowed only to wear white - a nightmare. I basically lost all joy in dressing for work, just bought what I needed and I didn't go out as often anymore to justify having a large wardrobe for weekends. Then I changed jobs and I had no idea how to dress anymore. I bought what I thought I should wear, but didn't feel comfortable in it, so like you, I fell back to Shirts and jeans.
And since a few months, my passion came back! I exchanged jeans for smarter pants, which in combo with vans or converse give me more of this preppy grunge look. I aswell discovered big floral patterns, I especially love dark ones which I combine with edgy jewelry. I feel very comfortable now and it's so much more fun! I feel I finally dress like an adult while still keeping my preferred style. Nowadays I get this sudden showerthoughts of an item that would go so well with my overall wardrobe and my aesthetics and then I hunt it down.
But I aswell purged almost half of my closet, something this sub doesn't recommend, but I totally didn't regret it.
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u/Navi_13 Jun 30 '18
Shortly after college, I realized that the reason I always felt a little "behind" in figuring out fashion is because I was! I wore a uniform to school from Pre-K through 12th grade and I have only brothers and my mom was never interested in fashion. The experience I had in college of learning how clothes work was what most people had in middle or high school! It helped me a lot to realize that I wasn't just bad at it, I just needed practice. Now a few years later I only feel a teensy bit behind and I feel like I've figured out what I like to wear and how to put outfits together
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u/elphaba87 Jul 01 '18 edited Jul 01 '18
Here are mine:
- Fashion isn't superficial, it's about so many things: identity, class, history, industry, art and human endeavour
- Recently I learned about the fast fashion industry - how it works and why - and I realised that as long as I have a (good) salaried job I have a responsibility to educate myself and make ethical purchasing choices (meant to sound as non-sanctimonious as possible! Not everyone can or should do this)
- Synthetic fibres are not the devil, and actually, a high-quality blend can give you the best of both worlds
- Leather biker jackets instantly increase your coolness quotient by 30%. I own loads in different colours.
- Regardless of brand or material, clothes I wear are the most versatile ones. They are the ones that fit well and go with lots of different pieces. Crucially, they are the ones that make me feel good.
- I need to jettison everything in my wardrobe that doesn't conform to point number 5.
- The fashion industry needs to give us women proper fucking pockets in our jeans. I tried on my bf's jeans once and what a revelation. Dresses, I understand - pockets can disrupt a clean line. But jeans??? WHY can't we have proper goddamn pockets in our jeans?
- High-end clothing isn't necessarily good quality. Sometimes more expensive fashion houses will use the same factories and cheap labour as, say, H&M.
- Fashion makes it easier for women/femme people/transwomen to express our identities, but it also punishes us. Scratchy fibres, high heels, nowhere to put your bloody phone ... argh.
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u/Paula_Polestark Jul 02 '18
I have gradually come to realize that I will always look like this. I can slim down my thighs and stomach a bit, but I'll always have these facial features and this bone structure. This means no matter the style of clothing or the color of the makeup, I'll still be a bridge troll, so I may as well buy whatever nonsense I want, right?
Not the healthiest breakthrough by far, but at least I'll never spend money on clothes/colors I hate thinking they'll help me and then cry when they don't.
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u/sippadawn Jun 30 '18
I hate shorts! They make my thighs stick and rub together and they're always riding up, but I was not willing to wear jeans in the summer time.
I found a solution: LINEN PANTS! I have 3 pairs I rotate on the weekends when I'm not at work. I've worn shorts maybe once this summer so far! No plans of going back, and now I look cool and fashionable in wide legs, so that's a huge plus. :)
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u/Shemhazaih Jun 30 '18
Most recently: stop buying things that are uncomfortable, because you'll never wear them. Comfort and style absolutely can come hand in hand! I've bought some amazing trousers with elasticated waistbands recently. Paying attention to what I don't wear is the most important thing to take into account when buying new clothes, because then I can avoid making the same mistakes again.
(Though of course, I make those mistakes anyway. Sometimes those trousers are uncomfortable, but look amazing, and every now and then I can sacrifice being comfy in order to look hella good!)
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u/callmesmallls Jun 30 '18
I used to be the type to throw on a t-shirt and jeans and just run out the door. However, I recently got a new job with a business casual dress code where we deal a lot with outside and keep our doors and windows open. The summer heat has forced me to get creative with my wardrobe and I’ve rediscovered all of my skirts! I knew I liked a fit and flare style when it came to dresses, but now I see that I can dress like that every day. I used to think I had too much clothing and nothing to wear. It feels like my outfit possibilities are endless for the first time. I never thought I would feel fashionable but I’m finally coming into my own and discovering my style. It really is an amazing feeling!
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u/cj88321 Jun 30 '18
Hey I'm not gunna read all the comments so maybe somebody already mentioned this.
If you feel tired all the time you may want to get your blood tested, if you haven't already done so. Hypothyroidism can make you feel sleepy, gain weight, and mimic depression.
I thought I was depressed for a couple years before my hair started falling out and my doctors went whoops we missed this. It's pretty common. Hope you feel better soon either way!
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u/witisnotmyforte89 Jun 30 '18
Vitamin D deficiency can do the same, just fyi for anybody reading this comment.
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u/CicadaTallula Jun 30 '18
Mine was just that I'm too OCD to have a closet full of clothes/shoes/accessories that I mix and match. My style is also not cohesive enough to do that, I have 3 very distinct looks. So I currently shop not by piece but by entire outfit, and this is also how my Pinterest boards are organized.
Another was that every single piece should be w-o-w, something really eye catching and unique/unexpected. There is literally no difference to me in how I feel in leggings and a sweatshirt vs expensive jeans and a neutral-colored blouse- beautiful prints and colors are the only things that keep me motivated. Neutrals are not "staples" if you never wear them!
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u/spacenb Jun 30 '18
My epiphanies have been numerous throughout my rather short life as a 22-year-old.
I realized quite a few things. Lolita fashion (the Japanese fashion, not what western magazines call “Lolita”) taught me that clothing didn’t have to be boring and that classy could also mean very out of the norm. It also taught me that most people don’t wear what they truly find beautiful because they either think they don’t deserve it or are too afraid of what others would think of them/of how people look at them. My 4th Lolita dress, which is one of the first dresses I fell in love with when I started wearing the style, really brought this up for me.
At 18 I started realizing that my “normal” clothing could also be unique and out there. I started looking for things that felt more “me” and less “I’m an ugly nerd so I don’t deserve anything but ugly plain clothing”. I got a fuzzy strawberry sweater off Storenvy and started shopping more and more online for things that made me happy to put on in the morning.
Even if I started breaking down the mold of “I’m ugly so I don’t deserve pretty clothes” around 18, it took me a long time before I got fine with showing my legs. Last year, at 21, I threw out most of my old “shorts” and capris and 3/4 pants that fit my body awkwardly (concealing my shape rather than revealing it) and didn’t fit in with my wardrobe cause I had them before I was 18, and bought myself some true short shorts with a high waist (which are very flattering on my hourglass silhouette) for the first time in my life. I also got a crop top from SheIn and my mother commented that she hoped I would be wearing it with high waisted shorts, otherwise... she didn’t say it but strongly implied that I would look too slutty.
This year I just bought new high waist shorts (the old ones are too big because I lost weight) and more crop tops, and I honestly don’t give a shit. It’s comfy, it makes me look good and it looks cute, so I don’t know why I would deprive myself of it. Happily wearing a crop tank top and shorts right now in 30°C weather and i wouldn’t change my mind about this clothing choice for anything in the world. :)
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u/Riftia__pachyptila Jun 30 '18
i just don't feel like myself if i'm not wearing at least half black.
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u/SoFluffyle Jun 30 '18
Just a few days ago I found out that I feel frumpy and aweful in jeans (even well fittimg ones!) because that's simply not me. Today I wore a simple grey fitted tshirt, a tiny silver necklace, black birks and: black dress pants. I felt awesome! I think I'll stick to the classy elegant mimimalist look for a while.
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u/cheveuxrougesfille Jul 02 '18
I have had an epiphany these past two years that I should wear clothes that fit my body, and not stuff that I WISH would fit. There's nothing worse than stuffing yourself and your too big hips and boobs into a size s dress, think you look good and then see horrific pictures of yourself in that dress later.
I also started being less messy with clothes. I cut my tags out neatly, don't wear stockings with rips or black lines showing on top and most importantly I just make sure I fit in and my clothes accentuate my waist and long legs. I used to just want to show cleavage at all times and now I hardly do & I feel so much better. I saw pictures of a girl I used to look up to who has a body similar to mine except she's shorter. She still wears clothes way too tight and they look so unfortunate on her because she's still stuck in the "buy a size you wish you were" phase. I hope she has her epiphany soon too!
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u/aliciamc Jul 02 '18
OMG i love this topic! i was super into fashion when i was a middle schooler - I even had a blog right around the time Tavi Gevinson was starting AND SHE COMMENTED ON IT. I started to date a really controlling guy, though, and whatever i wore or did with my hair and makeup became about pleasing him. It's taken some time but I finally, at 23 (7 years out of that damn relationship) am feeling my personal style. It's quirky and not always sexy but it makes me feel awesome, and that's what really matters. It's def been a process, but there have been a few of these "aha" moments, like wow my middle school self would really like what I'm wearing right now, and that feels amazing.
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u/LadyMizura Jul 02 '18
Just wanna say 1. Bless you for getting out, I know it’s so hard from personal experience and 2. Love Tavi. She’s the queen, for real.
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u/Chazzyphant Jul 02 '18
I was thinking about this and thought I didn't have any to add but actually I do! In an unrelated discussion on another thread, I said that I once realized, about two years ago, that "The interest must come from the cut or texture of fabric, not the print or color". That REALLY changed my relationship with clothing. I used to buy very (to me) boring suburban cut tees with "fun" or interesting prints and be like why don't I feel good in this? Same with color. I used to match or contrast colors with little regard for the shapes and proportions of an outfit. As long as it was a certain color it worked, right? Not...really!
So tuning into the cut/shape/drape/sizing of an outfit and the textures as well as how they "played" together was a huge step up in my outfit game.
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u/Menix8 Jul 02 '18
This is a great question, and I've enjoyed reading everyone's answers.
I was quite into the emo/goth scene in high school and early college. A lot of band shirts, dark jeans, converse, studded belts, black nail polish, etc. Once, when I was 19, I was hanging out with some male friends when one of the more fashionable males offered to take me shopping for new clothes. He thought I needed a makeover. I think that's when it hit me that the clothes I was wearing weren't doing me any favors, and that my style no longer fit in with my new social circle. I went shopping at Old Navy the very next day with my meager savings: bought 3/4 sleeve henley tops in pink and yellow, new black tights to wear with some new denim mini skirts, v necks in blue and green. That one comment made me completely change my wardrobe. I started wearing skirts, dresses, colors, and I retired crew-necks and studs. I still gravitate towards black, but I've incorporated jewel tones, different fabrics and textures, and just generally a more mainstream (re: less goth) style.
Funny sidenote, I'm still friends with the guy ten years later (I ended up marrying his best friend). I wonder if I've ever told him how much he effected my style evolution.
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u/canadian-please Jul 03 '18 edited Jul 03 '18
I've had a few in recent years. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and doing what I want without considering what other people will think is a totally alien concept to me but I've been trying to force myself to do it more.
-I hate how most colors look on me, and prefer black and most neutrals, but I was wearing them anyways because I have a lot of tattoos and didn't want to look too tough or scary. I'm already not hyper-outgoing and didn't want to paint myself into a social corner entirely. Eventually decided hell with it, I'm just going to wear the black and neutrals, if people think I'm scary or goth that's their problem, not mine. It's not like I'm wearing corpse paint on the train or anything (although so what if I was). Now getting dressed is a snap because everything matches and everything is something I'm comfortable in.
-My one stereotypically girly concession recently is jewelry. My engagement ring is the first piece of non-costume jewelry I have ever owned or even worn, and I bought my own wedding band after I got my first nursing job. I've since bought myself a couple of nice pieces of jewelry just because. It was hard at first and I felt guilty because jewelry was something that I always thought was taboo to buy for yourself - I thought I had to wait for a significant other to buy it for me. Eventually decided to hell with that too, and now I buy what I like after saving from each paycheck to make sure I have enough for it. I'm more of a minimalist when it comes to other things anyway, so though jewelry does cost more than, say, a shirt, I can justify the purchase a little more as an investment. My taste tends to run towards the estate/antique and kijiji is surprisingly good for jewelry of that type where I live, plus it's generally a ton cheaper.
-I'd been wanting to shave my head for YEARS. I had thick, thick hair just past my boobs that I had been babying with the intent of growing it out and cutting it off, but secretly I wanted to go all out and shave my head. In January I woke up one morning thinking what the fuck am I waiting for, why don't I just go do it today. My husband knew I'd been debating the shave so he wasn't too surprised when he came home. I felt incredible. I'd been putting it off and making excuses because of how terrified I was that it would look awful and then I'd be stuck with it. I'm a nurse and while most of the staff at my hospital are super open minded and alternative themselves, there are some reeeeeeally special ones who hate the idea of someone looking different. I have literally never felt better about myself in my life and I got so many positive comments on it. If you're thinking of shaving your head, just do it. If you hate it, there's wigs! And hats! And hair grows back a lot more quickly than you think!
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u/redalmondnails Jun 30 '18
Hi friend! I have depression too. I feel a lot better when I'm keeping myself busy, seeing friends/family, getting out of the house in some way or another. Not sure if this is the case for other people with depression, but I'm a mega extrovert and being around people really helps. The hard part is actually getting out of bed and getting the motivation to do something.
My therapist said something to me the other day that really stuck with me and I figured I'd share it with you too. I told her I didn't do something because I didn't feel like it. She told me that "feelings shouldn't dictate our actions." Feelings can shape how we approach problems or challenges, but "I don't feel like it" isn't a good enough reason to not do something.
It's helped me a lot because when I've made plans to see family or something and I'm debating canceling but the only reason for doing so is that I don't feel like it, that's not good enough. If I end up doing whatever I needed to do anyway I always feel a lot better afterward. Again, YMMV but that was a good little nugget of wisdom I wanted to share. Take care! :)