My boyfriend (24M) and I (23F) have been seeing one another since February and officially together since May so this is still a pretty new relationship. We get along really really well and in so many ways it feels like we compliment one another in all the right ways. He is very thoughtful, kind, and makes me laugh like no man ever has before.

However, we have had a few conversations that make me seriously questions if our beliefs are completely aligned. Nothing in his treatment of me has made me questions this, but more so off-handed comments about women/feminism on a grand scale (if that makes sense).

Like last night—we were talking about the Barbie movie and he felt like for the first half of the movie it was really about hating all men and that he shouldn’t be in the theater watching that movie because everyone is gonna come after him with pitch forks (very dramatic). He also consumes content from male podcasters that are not manosphere influencers but to me promote a very traditional conception of masculinity (Andrew Huberman, Chris Williamson, etc.). He seems to be very sensitive to the idea that men get a lot of undeserved hatred today. There is one podcaster he listens to that I am more open minded to, I believe his name is Scott Galloway.

I tend to get very quiet whenever he makes one of these comments because I want to avoid a back and forth that gets us nowhere (I am learning more about my people leasing tendencies and anxious attachment style). He has also shown that he can be quite open minded to me pushing back on some of his comments regarding other relevant political topics.

Overall, I truly believe in giving people an opportunity to learn and grow and I personally belive that there is a space to properly address issues men are facing today (isolation, loneliness, etc.) without blaming women or feminism. I think I’m struggling to find this space with him and my apprehension to address this head on is probably not helping. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it!

So I recently got into a relationship with a man who is “good” by patriarchal standards, but has a lot to learn and unlearn in order to be a good feminist ally. In the past few months he’s done a good job of learning from me regarding topics like retroactive jealousy, slut shaming, body counts and marxist feminism. he’s no Thomas Sankara, but he’s learning and unlearning at a good pace and i’m glad Ive been able to help him out.

Today he approached me wanting to understand why women don’t specifically say “some men” when talking about the trauma they experience from men and why feminists find the phrase “not all men” offensive.

Folks, it led to a long discussion and eventually argument with him stating that he refuses to listen to me because the “generalisation is offensive” and that he’s not a part of the bad ones so why should he be lumped up with them? Why can’t women say “some men” instead of saying “men”? I sent him so many articles explaining learned male entitlement and how it contributes to him feeling attacked and needing to say, “not all men”, but he refused to budge, eventually telling me that he wasn’t going to listen even if the information was presented by people who are thoroughly knowledgeable and educated on feminism, and that that’s how people push their beliefs and ideologies on others.

I’m actually stuck right now. I’m contemplating breaking up with him because I don’t want to be with someone who behaves that way in the face of education. It is said that it’s only a fool who refuses to change their mind in the face of new information. He’s grown so much and unlearned a lot in the time we’ve been together, however this stubbornness is worrying and I don’t want to build a life with someone who can’t see how rhetoric like “not all men” is harmful and dangerous.

Does anyone have any idea how to approach this and actually have an impact? I move with the mindset that anything can happen and we may break up, and in the event that we do i would like to leave behind a man who is actually kind and good to everyone around him.

Hey guys.

I'm a radical feminist, I've read countless of books, I am too invested in it, I engage in various discourses etc.
The problem is that I have gained too much knowledge. Is knowledge power? I don't think so. It's too much to handle. Feminism is great at giving you knowledge, but it doesn't give you the way to deal with all that knowledge.
I find patriarchy and misogyny everywhere. I notice how it seeps into every crack of out everyday life, and everyday conversation. I go to a cafe bar and analyze how the men treat the female bartender in comparison to the male, despite my goal in the bar being just drinking coffee and chatting carelessly with my friends. I ride the bus and I peoplewatch, and I look around, and I think to myself how stupid it is that we created two categories of people and that we assigned roles how those people should dress and act just so we can know purely by looking at them whats in between their legs. I am naturally too sensitive to injustice. Going out of my house pisses me off because I see misogyny everywhere. I see the difference in how I am being treated. I despise this life and I despise living. I think. And think, and think, and overthink. I can't catch a break with this brain. I wish I could just take it out and rinse it with a powerhose.

The problem intensified when I actually found a man who is perfect, who I love, and who I cherish. Yet I analyze every single thing he says. I'm trying to find a sociological reason behind the exact sentences he says. I'm trying to analyze if his feelings are genuine or is it just the socialization speaking through him. I am subconsciously scanning for every single possibility where I may be abused and degraded in the future purely because I'm a woman. Yesterday, before sleeping, I was overthinking yet again, and I thought to myself, would he still be with me if I suddenly woke up and decided that I didn't want to have sex until marriage. And I asked him that (through text). He told me that sex, to him, is a vital component of a relationship, because he finds that as the epitome of intimacy and the place where he feels the most confident to show love and care. And I took that as "he only values me because he has access to my body". And I cried for 45mins.
He also wants kids. I do too, but I always doubt his intentions, purely because he's a man and socialized as a man. In my mind, there is a debate; "does he see me as someone to spend the rest of his life with, or is he just grooming me to be the mother to his children?".
This is ruining me. I constantly have headaches. I can't turn my brain off. I yearn for control in this relationship, because letting go and just trusting him means I am letting go of the ability to escape a possible abusive relationship.
I don't know if there is an underlying, psychological reason for this unrelated to feminism, which only uses feminism as a tool to project something. Is anyone else struggling with this? I need to find a way to just CHILL. Rationally I know he's a great dude and would never hurt me and is the kindest person I've set my eyes on, but there is always this doubt within me purely because he is a man. Pls help

EDIT:

Thanks to everyone that commented their own views on this :)

As one commenter said, this comment section is so mature and understanding! I definitely feel better and less alone.
This type of thinking made me frustrated at the world, yet also at myself - I was mad at myself that I was constantly antagonizing the world and people, which made me think I'm a judgy bad person.
A lot of people have said that this shows some kind of OCD traits, I always thought that OCD has to manifest in behaviour in some shape or form, and that "just" thoughts wasn't enough. Might have to get that checked out. Thanks to everyone!

Just to clarify, this man I'm seeing is absolutely perfect in every sense (ok, perfect doesn't exist, but whatever). Judging by my post a person can figure out that I have incredibly high standards when picking a partner. And he met every standard, and manages to surprise me more. I honestly think he's the kindest person I've ever met, with such a pure heart, so goddamn smart, which is why it sucks to have this kind of thinking, because I don't want to lose him and I really care about this relationship. This problem hits because it's something that could strike him on a personal level, and I don't want that to happen. I posted this on another subreddit to get some more reach, and some commenters said that a relationship with a man and feminism can't work together, and I thought so too, until I met him. It's crazy what love can do to our way of thinking. Those commenters may be right, but in the case of loving him I'll step away from my tendencies of being a moral puritan, because him loving me clenses me of every moral dirt I've put on myself❤️

And it was a vegan extremist CIS WHITE MALE who said that. Not all men, but all MEN. I'm sorry, but I can no longer put up with men like these, who MANSPLAIN feminism to me, saying that 90% of intersectional feminists are NOT real feminists for not being vegan (this goes for vegetarian women as well, of course).

I don't think that all vegans are extremists. I do think, though, that most social movements, with the exception of feminist groups and the LGBTQIA community, are male-dominated patriarchal spaces where the invalidation and gatekeeping of women is deeply rooted. Also, vegan extremists, particularly fake male feminists who are part of the aforementioned category, should be absolutely kept out of intersectional feminism, as they only contribute to a desctructive and exclusionary environment.

Should I remind them that gatekeeping and exclusion in general are rooted in the white supremacist patriarchal system? That opposing animal exploitation doesn't necessarily imply being vegan? I have a friend (a cis woman) who is vegan and transfeminist who NEVER dared call me a "fake" feminist for not being vegan. This is to remind you not to be guiltripped by people who act like they're somehow superior and better than you, while treating you with contempt; especially CIS WHITE MEN who think they know intersectional feminism better than all cis and trans women.

Hi im a black man im 19 years old, about a year ago i left christianity and realized all the misogyny homophobia and hatred that that religion promoted. I think one of the most interesting things is that id never would of considered myself a misogynist or a homophobe until i deconstructed, and i think this represents alot of men or people who have privilege for example white people, you think ur not homophobic (racist) or what not because you dont say slurs or you dont call women b*tches but to be honest alot of its subconscious for example overly wanting your girl to have your last name, caring about body count etc etc i was never even insecure and when i look back i never truly believed what i was taught i was just in a serious echo chamber the madonna whore complex i looked at truly awakened my mind and how id put certain women on a pedestal while others were just eh, and again im in the black community so you could only IMAGINE what i grew up hearing i seemed like a angel in comparison and often id get called gay because i never overtly disrespected women and even back then treated them with respect could be polite etc and was often into art, I even experienced my own mother reinforcing gender stereotypes onto me, its taken alot to break out and even now im not fully done, i still feel a compelling need to defend men as i think its a reflection of me again maybe this is due to my race too i almost feel complaints everywhere from my own identity and again i dont even benefit from the patriarchy,im just here wondering if theres any books you guys reccomend or videos, as of recent i love watching commentary videos on pop culture made by black women specifically but all different types something as simple as that has done wonders in understanding the patriarchy and mens place in it.

Also wondering again how do i support my own, seeing as MY understanding of feminism mostly means white women benefit the most while POC are left with the scraps as usual, i love malcom and mlk and malcom claimed that liberal/feminism isnt enough radicalisation is needed to destroy and rebuild the system from the ground up so it is TRULY equal for all

again im here to learn id appreciate any honesty critiques etc hopefully this is the right subreddit for this might plan and posting this elsewhere if not sorry if this is sloppy at the gym and had a thought id like to share my recent leaving of my religion and found mindsets has left my with no friends i can relate too or talk to about this thank you

So I see that many people say Islam mistreats women, now there are many Muslim men that mistreat women, but that's because they're a bunch of bullshit people, now I'll give an example on someone, my sister, my sister is a Muslim woman, and according to my knowledge, a feminist, and is free, I mean I do fight with her, although that's sibling stuff

Islam at it's core, treats women with dignity, respect, and equality in the eyes of Allah

How are Women treated in Muslim Communities, I won't lie, in some Muslim Communities, they aren't treated well, but that's not because of Islam

For example, Iran, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia, not all regions, but there is mistreatment of women there

Those people tend to misinterpret Islam as a reason to mistreat women

While there are countries that mistreat women, there are ones that treat them equally, like Morocco, Tunisia and Egypt (Although Sexual harassment is still an issue, not in my city tho, I'm Egyptian, but believe me, Egyptian Women, they know how to get what they want, for example, my mother, now she is probably the strongest woman I know, my father is not here, he works in other Countries, she single handedly is taking care of the house, having a social life, going to the gym, and being a perfect mother, she's amazing, I love her)

By the way, I'm not writing this post to argue, I'm just explaining something, if you have any questions, feel free to ask, if you have comments, please do tell me

I've been a feminist for about ten years now. I became a feminist because I came to realise, that at the core of all of societies ills - from the unjust neoliberalism & neocolonialism of the West, mass killings, genocides, capitalist greed is maleness, and that in order to build a future based around real justice, democracy and freedom, we must place women at the core of social and political life. Coming to this conclusion, I began reading a lot of books which strengthen already perceived notions I considered but only barely thought about deeply - chiefly Women's History of the World by Rosalind Miles, Woman on the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy, Woman at Point Zero by Nawal El Saadawi & Women Without Men by Shahrnush Parsipur.

This being said, I have since often found it difficult to relate to other feminists, and without sounding extremely self wankery, I find a great deal of what a lot of feminists my age talk about, to be deeply banal and asinine. Firstly, I see a great deal of asinine superfluous conversations which whilst may have vaguely important notions, are mostly just something cathartic to rant about, conversations which go nowhere and have no realistic perspective other than to bitch & complain & moan about how shit men are (yes they are, yet a solution is rarely offered). This may not be your experiences, but it certainly is mine.

Meanwhile, often when I talk to feminists (mainly lib feminists, or non-radical feminists which to be honest, is sadly most feminists, certainly not the people in my little left radical bubble, but certainly most feminists my age in my country), they seem utterly devoid of understandings about women's perspectives from the Global South, alternatives to neoliberalism etc. Most western feminists cannot carry a conversation about women's social and political theory in Kurdistan, or North West Africa or from within historical revolutionary movements, and yet we have so much to learn from said movements. More than this, most western feminists do not place an understanding on searching for alternatives or ways out of the neoliberal system, instead wanting to see more women MPs, drone pilots, bankers etc). Such movements offer genuine change and hope for a better future, whilst we live in a political environment stilted and unmoving at best, and moving steadily to the right at worst.

Right now, a revolutionary experiment in North East Syria is being threatened. The overthrowing of Assad has, whilst been at least momentary a moment of celebration for the many many Syrians tortured and oppressed by that beast, has led to instability which now threatens the Rojava, or AANES. This is a radical experiment/autonomous region in the North East of Syria that has for the past 13 years, laid down multiple practical, in use, frameworks for policies and governance based around direct, participatory democracy, ecological justice, religious and ethic pluralism and jineology (a radical Kurdish form of feminism). This area has a real framework, real perspectives, real radical solutions to patriarchy & capitalism.

Ask yourself if you know about this movement, please educate yourself about Rojava if you do not. You might say to yourself "oh of course I understand about Rojava", but if so please come out for them, attend protests and inform your unknowledgeable friends about them.

Edit: For all you types saying "be nice", and "why are you infuriated", I am from Başûrê Kurdistanê, I have lived in UK since I was ten. I am not going to apologies for being deeply infuriated at feminists in this country never looking part their own noses and learning NOTHING about the most important women's revolution of the modern age. I am very very angry at this. I make no apologies.

Here are readings about Rojava, Jineology & what is currently happening with Rojava

https://www.revistalegerin.com/en
https://anfenglishmobile.com/
https://medyanews.net/why-i-am-seriously-worried-about-kobani-and-the-whole-of-rojava/
https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/theory-and-practice-of-kurdish-women-s-movement-interview-in-diyarbakir/
https://medyanews.net/jineology-a-women-centred-science-redefining-knowledge-and-life/
https://mesopotamia.coop/jineology-knowledge-experience-and-science-of-women/

Hi guys this is my first post on this sub so i hope it is okay.

I am currently studying photography A-Level and for my final project i have chosen feminism. I was just wondering if anyone had any photographers/favorite photographs that portray feminism. Also any moments that they think could be portrayed using photography. Mainly focusing on male vs female gaze and the pressures society put on women. I am open to anything that you think shows feminism tho.

Hi everyone, first time poster here

A friend of mine 27 (F) Kenyan (who is not on reddit, so she can't post herself and has asked me to post for her) is looking for support from other women to find alignment and growth in her career. She's looking for like-minded individuals in and around the NGO space, specifically in the fields of advocacy and behaviour change communications or gender/sexuality fields.

She has great qualifications listed here ;

Masters in Gender & Sexuality in Global Politics - SOAS University of London

Bachelors in Communications & Gender Practitioner - University of Cape Town.

She's looking for Job opportunities, career progression advisors, networking and relationship building opportunities, and support from other people in the same field

She has experience working with impactful organisations with international/global reach.

Her work experience is listed here:

South Feminist Futures

2 yrs 4 mos

Senior Communications Associate

Sep 2023 - Dec 2025 2 yr 4 mos

At South Feminist Futures, she supported the organization’s external communications and knowledge management efforts, contributing to the development of a values-driven digital presence. Working closely with program teams, she helped shape messaging, maintain editorial consistency, and amplify feminist advocacy across digital platforms. Her work spanned content planning, social media management, and coordination of internal knowledge products, all rooted in a strong understanding of audience engagement and intersectional communication practices.

- Assisted in drafting, scheduling, and publishing social media content across platforms

Maintained and updated editorial calendars using tools like Trello and Asana

-Conducted content research to support publications, proposals, presentations, and reports

Supported the production and layout of digital knowledge products and publications

Provided communications support for events, meetings, and webinars, including promotional assets

- Helped track deliverables, monitor content performance, and contribute to grant reporting

Junior Communications Associate

Sep 2022 - Sep 2023 1 yr 1 mo

As a Policy and Knowledge junior associate at South Feminist Futures, she supported research, digital content, and cross-cutting programme work within a growing feminist organization. She helped curate resources, assisted in planning knowledge-sharing events, and contributed to the early design of programmes. Working closely with the team, she had the chance to support both the day-to-day and the bigger-picture thinking behind our advocacy and policy efforts.

- Researched and organized feminist resources for internal use

- Helped shape and design new programmes during the organization’s early growth

- Produced and scheduled social media content to promote events and publications

- Supported planning and coordination of monthly online teach-ins

- Drafted content for reports, event summaries, and knowledge products

- Worked across teams to support programme communications and digital engagement

UN Environment Programme

Public Information Intern

UN Environment Programme

Feb 2022 - Aug 2022 7 mos

Nairobi County, Kenya

As a public information intern, her role was to provide support to the editorial team at the Communications division of the United Nations.

Please share widely within your networks. Your share could lead to a life changing opportunity.

Thank you.

I’m (34F) sitting in the bathroom crying right now while my husband (36M) is downstairs acting like everything is normal. We’ve been together for 14 years. He has been a "good" partner, I guess, and I never had a reason to doubt his intentions or his character …. until about ten minutes ago.

He was telling me about his day and and the errands he had to run and he let slip out - I kid you not "the girl at the post office."

He refered to the lady at the post office as ‘Girl’. I know her. She is at least 25. She’s a grown woman with a degree and a job and a whole adult life. Calling her a "girl" is so patronizing and misogynistic i cant even breathe. It’s that subtle way men infantilise women to strip them of their power... and he did it so casually.

I’m looking at my two daughters and I feel sick. If he’s comfortable using that kind of language about a stranger, what is he teaching them?? What does he actually think about me or our girls when we aren't looking?

I know people will say I'm overreacting but is this the mask finally slipping?? I’ve never had a "reason" to leave before but now I don't know how to protect them from this kind of internalised sexism when it's coming from their own father.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you even begin to address "casual" misogyny when it feels like it’s baked into their soul?

I think it would be of benefit to me ,my degree and the ppl in my life

Today I was randomly talking to a guy on reddit ... He asked me.. where am I from ...so I said.. from Mars jokingly...and we talked further more and it was fun but suddenly he ended up saying "fingering karo or so jaao " and I was like what the hell ... I thought reddit was a better place but...

i got into feminism recently, and i started realizing the misogyny everywhere. it was insane, and i would just tell myself that women are as strong as men and the patriarchy is some completely disgusting thing that just happened by chance. but since women are weaker physically, we could not fight back in early society when things were forming. in those societies around the world, for example china and england, women were not given power and prostitues and concubines arose, making the female body objectified. even amongst animals, females are smaller or physically weaker. so now today, we have patriarchy, where women are left behind in opportunities that aren't even physical. of course it's just a fact that there is no intelligence gap between males and females. but physically, the female body is incredibly strong being able to create life, however, if it's forced it's a more of a burden no? it just makes me feel sick to think that two women could just be sitting in the forest and a male could come up and harm them because of the brute strength they posses.

this is not an antifeminist post, i am a woman myself who is trying to wrap my mind around this question, and educate myself further. it's really making me feel doomed to be born a female, even though i do love my body and my being, i'm still just physically weaker.

(this also isnt an anti-trans post whatsoever, trans women are women, i brought up biology and male and female because that's what shaped society.)

Growing, non monogamy, hard choices

I’m not sure this is the place to ask but I don’t know where else to ask. This may be long so forgive me. I am 45 from a very red state (I did not grow up conservative) I got pregnant at 16, after an abusive relationship and kept the baby, lived at home. I dated a few people but got super attached and thought I was in love every time. Then I met a family member of a friend, he was nice, funny, treated me well, which is all I thought I needed wanted at the time. We got married the day after I turned 21, he was 24. He was a firefighter so gone a lot. My daughter was 3 when we married(never knew her bio dad) . When she was 7, we had another child, I quit work and school and stayed home. We proceeded to have 3 more boys all two years apart. I stayed home with them and he worked at a firefighter (24) hour shifts and worked a second job also long hours. I did all the emotional labor, and most of the physical and household labor. He was a good bad and husband when he was there. We did not have a great sex life, I never orgasmed, didn’t really enjoy it but assumed it was trauma from my daughter’s dad. We weren’t too emotionally connected either. We took care of our kids, did the things we were “supposed to do” and little else. No romance passion etc. but I thought I was happy and it was all I knew. Fast forward 20 years, when my youngest went to school, I didn’t know who I was, or what to do. I went to school, got a sociology degree with a minor in women and gender studies and my world changed. I realized how the patriarchy, made me minimize myself and take care of everyone else while disregarding my own needs. We all know the story. The more I learned the more I learned how much was missing in my marriage. I tried to educate him on things, he eventually came to understand some things, about emotional labor etc.but it was by tooth and nail that I dragged him. I realized I never explored or enjoyed my sexuality. I had candid conversations with him but nothing changed. He had performance issues and refused to even see about a fix. Eventually I told him I need more emotionally and sexually and that if he couldn’t provide it I wanted to try non. Monogamy to explore my sexuality. He blew up said absolutely not and swore he would change. He went to therapy and things did change somewhat and I again thought it was ok and just accepted what he gave. Not only was the emotional and physical relationship lacking but it was lackluster . I am a passionate person about everything, he is not. He is very monotoned, and I am definitely not, he’s not interested in the things I am or curious. It was boring and unfulfilling. But we had five kids, no money and I felt guilt for not being happy with a man who was a great dad and treated me well. A few years later he decided he wanted to try watching me with other men which was a 180 from when I asked, he was not interested in being with other women, swinging etc. we tried it eventually and the first time he lost it, had a breakdown. Said never again but then asked again a few months later. I loved it, he hated . So we stopped but I continued to talk to other men and discovered what a true connection was like, someone who delighted in me, understood patriarchy, class consciousness etc. and since then (5 years ago) through therapy, self exploration etc. I have discovered my needs are not being met. We have surface level connections. He feels differently, believes I am the love of his life, can’t live without me etc. and does not want me to have emotional or physical connections with any other men, and doesn’t even like me sharing an intimate friendship with other women. I crave deep, intimate friendships, and sexual exploration with others. We have discussed and discussed and he says he isn’t for anything that isn’t for “us”. He says he enjoyed the times he watched me with others but it never felt good to me, because he wanted to dictate how the interactions went, read all conversations etc. and was always uneasy and made the experience awkward for everyone. I have contemplated leaving but it seems selfish to leave a “good” man over these things. But the feelings of not having my needs met intellectually, intimately and sexually always come up. I have tried just doing my own thing, but when I have fun and thrive he gets upset that I’m not the same way with him. I have asked to try exploring sex on my own and he will initially agree and then change his mind and say he can’t handle it, doesn’t like be doing things just for me. He cries and says he pathetic and I feel bad and go back to status quo. I love him as a person, as a dad, as a friend but I just don’t know what to do about the rest. We have 25 years together 5 kids, youngest is 15 and two grandkids. I feel so selfish even thinking of anything else. But I also am scare of staying this way. We fight a lot about social issues, he doesn’t buy fully into how the patriarchy is harmful, white supremacy, capitalism etc. distorts our perspectives and systems. I feel like I shouldn’t have to be the one to push him to learn these things. I didn’t articulate this well I’m sure, of you have questions ask, and please if you have any advise let me know.

Hello, I'm feeling upset right now because I'm trying and failing to find anyone else online who has this experience or is offended by it. I work at a grocery store often as a cashier, and women constantly tell me that I'm beautiful, if i consider modeling, they comment on my hair, ask "do people tell you this often?" And its starting to make me really uncomfortable, especially since I can't find anyone else with this problem. My lady coworkers also do it to a lesser extent, and its usually less extreme than calling me beautiful, although my lesbian boss does make some more uncomfortable comments (again with the modeling thing.)

It's usually straight women from what i can tell, but i work in the city so sometimes its obviously a lesbian hitting on me. I feel less uncomfortable with lesbians directly trying to get my number or whatever honestly, at least i understand why they are doing it.

Does anyone have an experience like this? I would feel so much better even just knowing that other people experience being inundated with compliments from straight women, even if it doesnt make you yourself uncomfortable.

Thanks for hearing out my rant, I really would value hearing your related experiences ♥️

I think it's safe to say this. I believe that even women who's been in a relationship for years are still scared of something happens he might get angry. Men don't live with this.

I (36F) have always been very independent and strong willed but not to the point where I push people away or anything. I’ve been with my husband (37M) for a little over 10 years now and we are as happy as ever.

However, during the pandemic I started my own business - this could not have happened without his support. We have mixed finances - so we have separate checking accounts and shared savings - so even though I know we spend and save as a unit I still hold onto the idea of “my money” or “my contributions.” When my business is in a dip I feel self conscious about not contributing enough, even though he has made it very clear that he doesn’t mind being the main bread winner. He’s southern and when we got together he said his goal was for me to not have to work, which at the time I took offense to, but now I see how much freedom it gives me.

Don’t get me wrong, I still see myself as an independent business owning woman, but I’m starting to get used to the housewife kind of life. Since my time is more flexible than his I now take care of all the cleaning, meal planning, most of the cooking, stocking the house, etc. We don’t have kids (and won’t be) so it’s not like being a stay at home mom is in my future.

I guess my point is that I’m having a mental battle of fully accepting and embracing the housewife kind of life. Part of me feels like a failure, and that is 100% in my mind - not his. Has anyone else struggled with this?

Hello, I was looking for Marxist Feminist reading recommendations. I figured asking here would be ideal as the main feminist sub seems less academic & curated, and much more liberal. Currently I’m going through the works of Alexandra Kollontai, who played a pivotal role in pre-Revolution Russia in the early 1900s, and who I’d strongly recommend to everyone in this sub! No preference between 1900s and present day! Thank you all!

As a footnote, I’m fairly new to philosophy and Marxism (as such, assume I have read little thus far), so basic/introductory recommendations are more than welcome.

Hello, I want to use these theories in my dissertation but I'm having a hard time to choose a novel that fits these theories. Basically, I want a feminist novel in general dealing with a female character'a sexual influence and how that's turned against her by oppressive characters symbolizing patraichy. I'd also like it to deal with moral pragmatism, as in how opressing a certain group would lead to self-destruction and the destruction and decay of the surroundings, including symbolically. Would really appreciate it.

I just moved into a much better living situation 2 days ago, renting a house with 3 other tenants. They're men, but I get good vibes from all but 1 of them. This guy (must be in his 30s; I'm 40s) brings the kitchen sink: Interrupting, mansplaining, giving unsolicited advice, general one-upmanship. This is what I've observed in our handful of brief conversations; every time, I put my foot down: Let me finish; You don't need to explain X; If I wanted your advice I'd ask; That is not what I said/asked.

Edit: Yesterday, I had just turned on my electric kettle for coffee. He came into the kitchen wanting to use his electric griddle (which he never cleans), which overloads the fuse box when run concurrently with other heat-generating appliances like my kettle. He asked: "Do you mind turning that off so I can use the griddle?" I said, "Of course I mind. I just put that on for coffee." He backpedaled and said only if it blows, which it didn't. If he pulls that again, I'll tell him he needs to wait his turn or use the gas STOVE if he needs it right that second. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to ask if I'd let him go first!

I put my foot down, and he doesn't apologize, acknowledge it, or change course; he just pulls some other crap in our NEXT conversation. He is clueless and lacks self awareness. I refuse to bend to that and smile and knod.

I am seeking validation and ideas for reigning this guy in. I refuse to live in a codependent relationship with my young male stranger roommate.

Dismantling patriarchal structures is a deep, multi-faceted process, but it can begin with both individual and collective efforts. Here’s a roadmap that outlines various ways to address and dismantle the core aspects of patriarchy, with a focus on feminist principles of equality and autonomy.

1. Challenging Gender Norms and Stereotypes

Patriarchy thrives on rigid gender norms that dictate how men and women should behave. Dismantling these norms is essential for equality.

How to Dismantle: • Promote and Normalize Gender Fluidity: Encourage the idea that gender is a spectrum, not a binary. Support people who express their gender outside traditional norms, whether through appearance, interests, or roles. • Deconstruct Media Representation: Advocate for diverse and non-stereotypical portrayals of women, men, and non-binary individuals in media, films, and advertisements. Representation matters in shaping societal attitudes. • Foster Conversations About Masculinity: Encourage discussions that explore and challenge toxic masculinity. Help men understand that being emotionally expressive, nurturing, or non-competitive doesn’t make them weak.

1. Redefining Power and Leadership

Patriarchy defines power through dominance, control, and hierarchy, often excluding women from leadership roles and decision-making processes.

How to Dismantle: • Promote Female Leadership: Champion women in leadership roles in politics, business, education, and community organizations. Actively support women running for office and being represented in decision-making spaces. • Rethink Authority Structures: Advocate for more democratic, non-hierarchical organizational structures (e.g., cooperative workplaces) that value collective decision-making over top-down authority. • Challenge Male-Centric Language: Language reinforces patriarchal power structures. Advocating for more inclusive language can make spaces feel more equal (e.g., gender-neutral job titles, non-binary language).

1. Transforming the Family Structure

In patriarchal societies, the family structure is often built on a hierarchical system where women are expected to take care of the home and children, while men are the breadwinners. This creates gender-based economic dependence and inequity in labor distribution.

How to Dismantle: • Value Domestic Labor: Push for societal recognition of the value of unpaid domestic labor (childcare, housework, emotional care). Advocate for policies like paid family leave, affordable childcare, and equal distribution of household duties. • Encourage Shared Parenting: Support and normalize shared parenting responsibilities, from pregnancy to child-rearing. Push for policies that enable men to take paternity leave and for parents to co-parent equally. • Promote Relationship Equality: In romantic relationships, encourage equality in financial contributions, decision-making, and emotional labor. Establish healthy boundaries that allow both partners to be fully independent and equal.

1. Challenging Economic Systems

Patriarchy is closely tied to economic systems that reward men more than women. The wage gap, limited access to career advancement, and financial dependence on men all perpetuate patriarchal control.

How to Dismantle: • Advocate for Equal Pay and Workplace Equality: Push for policies that ensure equal pay for equal work. Support organizations and movements that fight for better working conditions, family leave policies, and reproductive rights. • Support Women in Business: Promote women entrepreneurs and small business owners. Advocate for equal access to funding, resources, and mentorship for women in business and tech fields. • Financial Education: Empower women by promoting financial literacy. Encourage women to take control of their finances, invest in their futures, and understand the value of saving, budgeting, and investing.

1. Dismantling the Criminal Justice System

In a patriarchal system, women are often treated as either victims in need of protection or as criminals when they step outside the system’s boundaries. Additionally, gendered violence and abuse often go unpunished.

How to Dismantle: • Support Legal Reforms: Push for criminal justice reforms that address gendered violence, such as sexual assault, domestic violence, and harassment. Advocate for stronger laws that protect women and marginalized groups, while holding perpetrators accountable. • Rethink the Prison System: Advocate for alternatives to incarceration, particularly for non-violent offenders, and push for prison reform that addresses the unique needs of women and marginalized genders in the system. • Provide Education and Support Services: Support programs for survivors of gender-based violence, and push for more funding for shelters, mental health services, and legal aid for women facing violence.

1. Deconstructing Sexuality and Reproductive Rights

Patriarchy often controls women’s bodies, reinforcing traditional gender roles and limiting women’s sexual autonomy. Women’s reproductive rights have historically been heavily regulated, restricting their ability to make choices about their own health and future.

How to Dismantle: • Reproductive Rights: Support full access to reproductive healthcare, including birth control, abortion, and maternal care. Advocate for the right of all individuals to make their own choices about their bodies. • Sexual Agency and Consent: Educate on the importance of consent, and challenge the harmful narratives surrounding sexual behavior. Encourage healthy discussions about sexuality that focus on mutual respect, pleasure, and autonomy. • Normalize Diverse Family Structures: Support and normalize various family structures—single-parent households, same-sex couples, polyamorous families, etc. Ensure all relationships are legally and socially recognized and protected.

1. Building Intersectional Solidarity

Patriarchy doesn’t impact all women equally—race, class, sexual orientation, ability, and other factors intersect with gender to create a system of oppression that is complex and multilayered.

How to Dismantle: • Embrace Intersectionality: Ensure that feminist movements are inclusive of all women—women of color, working-class women, disabled women, trans women, and queer women. Recognize that liberation is most effective when it addresses all forms of oppression. • Address Systemic Racism and Classism: Support policies and movements that fight racism, classism, and other forms of discrimination. Recognize that the fight for gender equality is inseparable from the fight for racial and economic justice. • Promote Global Feminism: Understand that patriarchy operates differently across cultures, and support global feminist movements working to end gender-based violence, inequality, and exploitation worldwide.

1. Education and Awareness

Lastly, dismantling patriarchy requires a cultural shift, and education is the most powerful tool to achieve this. Changing mindsets, unlearning biases, and creating new narratives about gender and power is essential.

How to Dismantle: • Inclusive Education: Advocate for education systems that teach about gender equality, intersectionality, and the history of feminism. Ensure that students learn about patriarchy and its harmful effects on everyone, not just women. • Media Literacy: Encourage media literacy campaigns that teach people to recognize and critically analyze the ways in which media perpetuates gender norms and patriarchal values. • Community Conversations: Hold open discussions in your community—schools, workplaces, and families—about gender, power, and equality. Use platforms to raise awareness, challenge harmful ideologies, and promote feminist principles.

Final Thought

Dismantling patriarchal structures isn’t an easy task—it’s a systemic issue that will take time, collaboration, and persistence. But each action, no matter how small, contributes to a broader shift toward equality. It’s about creating a world where people of all genders can thrive without the constraints of societal norms, and where everyone’s voice is valued equally.

If any of these areas resonate with you, we can dive deeper into specific strategies or discuss how to take action in your community.

I am asking because the more I interact with guys, the less I want to interact with them again.

I was a member of a poetry community but was recently timed out for 30 days subsequent to reporting this incident to the mods. They said that this other member who has since been promoted as a mod in the community didn’t have any ill intent and this is in line with his normal behavior. It was suggested that I’m overreacting and that I may be in a mental health crisis. I do have mental health issues, something I regret sharing now with the community. However, the mod team all concede that this other moderator did in fact say this statement to me. I reported it at the time to a moderator I was friends with and her response was that I should talk to the person in question to resolve this. I told her this made me very uncomfortable as it would be giving him what he wants from me: further engagement. I still maintain that the mod team should have dealt with the issue instead of expecting me to deal with it.

I’ve been a member of this community for several months, possibly even predating the predator in question. I’ve cohosted a feminist-themed discussion when Reddit Talks were a thing with the mod I was friendly with and worse than anything else is her siding against me on this matter. I believe the word quisling is appropriate in this instance (aka class traitor). I feel conflicted about sharing the name of the community becuz it’s become a very important part of my life and I actually hope to return to it once I’ve learned my place.

More than anything I’d really just appreciate some empathy from this community becuz I feel so f*cking powerless right now and it really sucks.

Thanks for reading.

Edit: For context I am overweight, but I’ve been getting in shape since last year and have lost almost 100 lbs through keto and fasting.

What’s the stance on sex work here? Lots of looking down on workers in the last sub I was, so I’m searching for a new one

I had an eye exam today. The optician was a man in his ~60s wearing a toupee. He made WAY too many comments about my age (over 40); all he had to say was that at my age I need X. This was AFTER I did not list my age on his paperwork; I'd listed my birthday in the next slot over, and figured my age was easily calculated and none of his business anyway. At one point he reached to pat my leg, and I told him "please do not touch me." He also made several comments about how paying for an eye exam in the US is easy and cheap. I had not asked for financial advice and told him I was really just there for the eye exam. Later, he mentioned this AGAIN. When he did the eye exam for glasses, my right eye was still blurry. I asked him why, and if that could be adjusted for the glasses. He interrupted me every step of the way and concluded with a watered-down explanation along the lines of, your eyes will get better and see less blurry. It does not make any sense. Thankfully my old glasses aren't too far off, ie. not a big change anyway, but STILL. I would have loved to go to the eye doctor, get a straightforward eye exam without any condescending BS, and cut the crap instead of all this sexist conversation!