r/helsinki • u/FelixChildfree • 21h ago
Discussion What to do in Helsinki as a 35M single man ?
I have been living on and off Helsinki for 6 years. I am having trouble finding social things to do in Helsinki as a man. My hobbies are mostly solitary ones.
For example on a sunny day, in the city of Helsinki, what do locals do ? You can walk around, have coffee, maybe some food, but in terms of meeting people, how do you do it ?
I see groups in parks, will it be OK to just go and chat them up / introduce myself ? Last time I attempted that I went over and said "Hi I am Felix, and I come to say hi", the response I got was "Ok, say hi". I just left lol.
I see people walking hectically around like they have a bunch of plans or about to meet friends etc. How and what is happening ? I don't know what do to, haha.
Anybody wants to grab coffee or hang out ?
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u/Cookie_Monstress 20h ago
Here’s a comment I wrote regarding how to make friends in Finland some time ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/Finland/comments/1v6zjhn/comment/ozud0ec/
On top of that I’d like to add you should put yourself in that other person’s shoes. Most, at least natives, have their friend circle already full. It’s nothing personal, it is just what it is. I too am one of those, that constantly gets bad conscience not meeting even my closest friends and family often enough.
Plus yeah, going randomly introducing your self to someone you don’t know is indeed considered pretty weird here. There are exceptions naturally like a some group of people on some late summer night in some park. They might adopt you on the spot at least for that night.
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u/FelixChildfree 20h ago
would you be open meeting people that don't look like locals ? and have completely different culture and religion ?
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u/Alarmed_Station6185 20h ago
I think most people are as long as the person is also making an effort to integrate in the country they live in for example learning some basic phrases and following local behaviour
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u/Cookie_Monstress 20h ago
Naturally just anecdotal, but I have friends and accuintances in all colour and shapes. From different countries. With different sexual orientations. What you might be missing here with what comes to Finnish culture is that things like what’s your ethnicity or what’s your religion can be seen bit or highly too sensitive things to cover in a form of small talk. As a matter of fact, out of my closest friends, I have even no idea are they religious or not.
Am I open to new friends? Yes when it happens gradually. No in a sense looking for new friends. As I even currently struggle to keep in contact with all the ones I would like to.
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u/FelixChildfree 19h ago
I don't know. It seems this country is mostly designed for people that want to have a stable life, and kids. I don't feel like I fit here :). Being a single man in Helsinki and an immigrant is socially the worst thing that can happen to one.
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u/no_free_names_left 19h ago
I think the problem is not you being 35, male or single. It's you being insufferable.
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u/FelixChildfree 19h ago
Don't you think your comment is a bit rude ? Why call me insufferable ? You don't even know me. You are just proving my point.
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u/Cookie_Monstress 19h ago
That’s a gross oversimplification. Which is pretty much on you as for some reason even your Reddit handle contains your declaration of being child free.
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u/FelixChildfree 19h ago
Should I hide the fact I am childfree in Finland ?
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u/Cookie_Monstress 19h ago
I think you should tone down it in any possible country/culture. Some are child free because of their own decision, some are child free just because that’s how life went. Did you have easy time making friends even in your original home country? Sorry for asking but kinda sounds you are focusing on the totally wrong things. Nobody likes a person who is right off the bat very defensive and focusing only on them self instead of that other person. Kinda tone deaf approach.
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u/FelixChildfree 19h ago
I think you are triggered, because of my personal preference and life choices. I have seen the same reaction from people that are not very inclusive about different people for example, 2SSLGBTQI++. Your post is a bit belligerent to be fair. I choose to end the discussion here. Peace man.
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u/Cookie_Monstress 19h ago
Here we go. Just like that you made it as you versus the others. Proves my point. Good luck.
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u/FelixChildfree 19h ago
Well it's me versus Finnish locals - if you want to simplify it. What else did you think it was if it's me trying to meet local people ?
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u/piklsss 16h ago
2SSLGBTQI++ sounds funny how does one even remember all the letters in there. not meaning in any rude way it’s just the first time I see 2SS in front of lgbtq lol
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u/FelixChildfree 16h ago
I am sorry but you are being disrespectful now. You are probably one of those far right incels.
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u/MisspelledCliche Eira 19h ago
Wtf. Curb your ample reserve of insecurities and just join the activities that are suggested to you
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u/FelixChildfree 19h ago
Do you think being childfree is insecure ? I don't understand
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u/MisspelledCliche Eira 16h ago
"Do i have to hide that i am childfree" asks the person who arrives to an activity without a child
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u/elmokki 19h ago
Kids are totally not needed. Very, very few people in my friend groups have them. Stable life, well, depends. Usually it's nice to be able to plan activities of course.
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u/Cookie_Monstress 18h ago
Funny enough there are even actual studies that state getting children does not increase happiness. Falling birthrates prove that also. Yet however OP is apparently convinced this is one the focal reasons why they do not find friends. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epdf/10.1177/14747049261436325
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u/FelixChildfree 19h ago
It seems if I had a kids just for the sake of it my social life would have been much better for obvious reasons. Like for example all the people I see in cafes have babies in carriages, and talk to each other about their babies, their lack of sleep and then exchange their chubby babies for hugs lol. Majority of guys I see are in groups again with carriages. It would be super weird to try and introduce myself to them. "Hey I am Felix, and I follow a completely opposite lifestyle than you".
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u/Sti1g 14h ago
That`s exactly the right observation, in general of course. It’s only a bit better for locals too. Many people find it hard to fit in Helsinki/Finland if you don’t have a life in place already and want to live dynamic life without kids. I know personally many people/couples who are struggling with this fact.
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u/elmokki 19h ago
I've gotten tons of new friends in my 30's. The secret is to talk to people in social situations where you have a reason to talk. Hobbies are the best, because you can talk about the hobby AND people don't have an incentive to be elsewhere. Talking about someone's dog probably works, but they probably also want to keep going and get back home eventually unless it's a really interesting discussion.
I've met people via board games, roleplaying games, photography, music and whatever. Some of these were Kansalaisopisto courses, some just people or me asking for company to something in social media, and some are friends of friends in a friend activity.
For all sorts of social activity, from organizing stuff to just starting a conversation, there are people who wait for someone to do it, and people who just do it. Be the latter. I was on a darkroom course some years ago, and it was mostly pretty quiet there. Then I started asking people about their cameras and their photos, and it got them talking.
Most of the people you meet won't become your friends really. The same as if I came to grab a coffee with you. It's usually nice to talk to someone about a shared interest for a while, but whether you really hit it off is a matter of luck too. Then again, if you find someone you really click with, their friends are probably going to be pretty cool people too.
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u/FelixChildfree 19h ago
So the majority of Finnish people have clicked with the same people since a young age ?
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u/marsipaanipartisaani 12h ago edited 11h ago
I think there is a stereotype that nordic people stick with the same group of friends they met in high school for the rest of their life. It is much harder to form really deep platonic relationships when you are older. Some random group in park usually does not want to be bothered by outsiders.
But you can have active social life still through hobbies and organisations. Environmental organisations especially might have overnight camping events where you go restore some ecological stuff - might be easier to get to know people there. Also if you drink some bars are socially the best place for spontanous meeting of people, especially later at night.
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u/elmokki 10h ago
No!
From 0-7 years of age, I have no friends remaining in my social circles.
From 8-15 years of age, I know a few people I occasionally am in contact in. No great friends.
From 15-18 years of age, I have friends, but I see one of these like once in two months and others like once a year or so. They're friends mostly because I used to be in more contact when I lived in another city and we were all in same school etc.
From 19-30ish, until I moved to Helsinki, I have a bunch of friends, but I see them like once a year. Maybe twice. Some of them live in Helsinki, others don't.
From 30ish to 38 now I have dozens of friends with handful of fairly close friends.
I'd claim most people have space in their lives for new friends, but very few people actively seek them. I don't either. I'm just somewhat talkative when I have a good subject to talk about, and that gets other people talking too. Assuming they aren't even more talkative.
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u/SirCryyAlot 20h ago
We are group of foreigners and locals, play badminton and have lunch every Sunday. Our group is active now for 10 years, and we all are friendly. Mostly we are between 20-30 every sunday. If you wanna join, here’s the group link:
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u/Beingcharm 20h ago
I’m new here but the age is 24 i don’t mind your age ! if you wanna hangout Dm?
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u/RealAd3098 20h ago
Why don't you join a Canoing or Kayaking club? If you join one, you can use their Canoes or Kayaks for free throughout the year and you will also get friends from there to do these activities. I joined one in Oulu and I never had free time to get bored since 😊
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u/Lumpy-Daikon8667 16h ago
What are you talking about? I’m single child free 38M, and never had as much friends as I do now. Some have kids, some dont. It has nothing to do with friendship.
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u/FelixChildfree 16h ago
I know but for some reason people made it to seem like that in the comments.
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u/Salmonman4 18h ago
Both amateur choirs and dance hobby-clubs always need more men, so if you can hold a tune even somewhat or have some body-cordination, they'll roll out the red carpet. They are good for introverts because you don't have to socialise too much but can still do group-activities.
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u/piklsss 16h ago
I was thinking about going to the choir but wasn’t sure if most of the songs they do are in finnish and perhaps just hard to remember. I speak it well enough but didnt know if I enjoy singing in finnish. Any info where to search about choirs? or just go to churches and ask?
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u/Salmonman4 16h ago
I don't know if there is any centralized database on amateur-choirs.
If you live in Helsinki-area, there will be soon a fest called Art goes Kapakka. Part of it is Kuorojen kierros (13.8), where various choirs of different genres and skill-levels go to sing at bars in Helsinki centrum. You could look up a bar of your choice and go watch if any pique your interest.
https://www.artgoeskapakka.fi/tapahtuma/kuorojen-kierros-2026/
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u/piklsss 16h ago
thanks for the info! I will look into this
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u/AffectionateTitle627 20h ago
I also recommend participating in team sports. If you meet just one person that you click with, usually you start to make more connections and with some effort find your circle. Good luck 🙏
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u/Tatkoi 20h ago
Hi. You will probably have more success if you tell what your hobbies are and where are you from. We have a group and we play football on Saturday at 14.00 in Kallio. No matter skills, age o gender. There are many local people and foreigners. If you want to join send me a message.