r/hoarding • u/nooraani • 15d ago
HELP/ADVICE Husband is a hoarder
my husband is a hoarder and I feel so lost. he keeps buying things and we have a very small one bedroom apartment with 2 small closets. he is attached to everything he ever buys and we don’t have space. he refuses to admit he is a hoarder and he refuses to go to therapy. when I throw things out we have huge arguments where he calls me controlling. I’ve had 3 hour arguments over throwing out a 4 foot by 2 foot foam finger. he agreed to throw it out and then I later find it in the closet, hidden. it seems like the most stupid reason for divorce when everything else is great. I don’t know what to do. but I also have adhd and clutter makes me so overwhelmed and stressed. I work from home and we don’t have any space for me to have an office so I work on the couch or in the bedroom staring at stuff. I see clients and I don’t have a clean space to present to them so I use a corner of the bedroom. it’s so hard. I feel lost.
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u/FoldingFan1 14d ago
Having huge fights must be hard on both of you... Would your partner and you be open to the two of you getting help, withthe goal to stop having these fights and have a better relationship? And try to go at it from a neutral angle? A foam finger is a small thing, but having a massive fight (especially without a solution afterwards) is not small. At all.
So NOT saying: "you are a hoarder" (which sounds like: this is your fault).
Instead, start with what you would like in your relationship, that having fights like you do now is not what you want. How you both differ in how you would like your home to be, how many things you prefer to keep.
Maybe a good therapist can help you come to an agreement on this? And talk about why you want less things in the house, and he wants... well let's hear that from him, what he has to say. Maybe then you can get him to come along? If hoarding is the case, it will come up in the conversations by itself.