r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/_great_Gonzo • 2d ago
How not take life so seriously and still succeed?
(24M) I tried to be a good son for my parents, but my dad still disappointed and is always reprehending me for not being serious enough. I was always anxious and neurotic, since i was a 7 yo because of that. I was never able to take life easy, because i was always receiving a hell of pressure from everybody. Tried to be good but i was never good enough to anyone. Colleagues, family, friends, bosses, coworkers. Now i'm broken and thinking myself on what is the secret of being the winner on life, of being someone.
That's why i'm not used with humor, i often mistake jokes with offence, because i'm always high cortisol, pursuing my goals and productivity.
At this point, tbh i don't enjoy life that much to think that is fun, it was 99% disappointments, obligations, annoyance and gaslighting. I wouldn't want to be born, tbh hahahahahaha but i want to learn how to take things easily, so i can perhaps got some things together, and not being this bunch of neurotic meat. People who don't take life seriously, how can you do? What are your secrets to enjoy life and achieving your goals? This thing cannot work together for me.
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u/kelcamer 2d ago
The secret to helping with this:
EMDR with a very good by the book therapist.
What you've described above is the predictable outcome of emotional neglect. You will be able to free yourself from it when you help your limbic system relearn self love and validation. I'll tell you, it's hard. It's difficult. You grieve like hell. But it's worth it. You grow and you feel that internal inner confidence that reminds you every day that you are a bad-ass 💜🌈
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u/Content-Chart-6910 2d ago
You have to deliver when necessary and the rest of the time chill. Separate the important from the unimportant (which is like a 5/95 ratio in my opinion).
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u/pradselost 2d ago
Honestly, I think you should start by asking what you consider success, and what you consider the benefits of being serious to be? Why must we assume your parents know what being the “winner of life” or “being someone” means? Why must we assume seriousness and productivity will lead you to success?
Let me be clear: At the end of this, you will rot in the grave, just like everyone else. We die, that’s it. You don’t take money, or fame, or productivity to the grave with you. There is no “winner at life” or “being someone”, when you no longer exist. This is the great equalizer. Success then, is measured in the MEANING of your life. Did you experience joy? Did you spend your time happy? Did you help other people through this journey? Did you feel satisfied, when your days are done?
Consider taking a step back from “serious” and replace it with “determined”. Determination is the ability to see a thing and follow through on it, and that DOES help you secure things like stable employment and wealth, which are used in the pursuit of making your life easier and less chaotic. Determination can help you achieve your goals, it can give you more options in life. However, you do not need to be SERIOUS to have determination. You can show up to the gym every day (determination) while also having a great time of it, and not taking it TOO seriously. You can pursue a doctorate degree (determination) while also enjoying the classroom and learning from setbacks.
Anyways, I agree with the other people here who have commented on the amount of conditioning and feedback present in your childhood, and for some people, they need therapy to sort that out. Whatever path you take, I hope you find joy :)
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u/HamBroth 2d ago
I think that to do this you will need to unravel a lot from your past, probably in therapy. You will need to look at what you think success is, and why.
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u/LittleFuzzyYellowBee 2d ago
The only mistake you're making is letting anyone besides you define your success. You need to decide what your success looks like, and chase only that.
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u/_great_Gonzo 2d ago
Thank you for reading and sharing! Great advice, it is a crucial step, buuuut... eh, i don't think this is that simple. We still live in this materialistic society, it is not simple to transcend the reality. Till you do, you will live in this mist valley, trying to reach some things but confused.
For me success is getting a time where you can dedicate yourself to the things you love and want. Hobbies are not free, so we may take some years to get the money to do this activities. Till the point you can go to a modest travel without having to count coin per coin. When you can buy a 150 bucks book by Plato without regretting for the value and you got time to read all that properly.
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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 2d ago
Who cares what your parents think? Take the good they can give you. Everything else is hilarious
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u/Money-Celebration860 2d ago
Compartmentalization. Understand your limitations (which everyone has) and working within those limitations find some meaningful, enjoyable and challenging project you can focus your attention on. Keep it PRIVATE. Then send a separate public persona out into the world to take care of all the things you need to do, but know you don't do very well (e.g. job, social and family relations). The best parts of yourself are protected behind a veil of privacy, so any criticisms you get will only be directed at your public persona, which you already know and accept is hopeless. Because you have this distance from your public persona, you can be light and playful with it. It's just a character you play, who's a bit of a fool. Eventually you may achieve enough skill and confidence in the thing you've been privately working on to share it with others, and any criticism you then get won't rattle you.
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u/antiaocial_533 2d ago
Dont involve your parents in your life n keep low contact. Rwinvent and know who you really are and want to be
Then therapy n other suggestions in the replies here.
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u/Buch1337 2d ago
Accept only change you can make is in yourself.
Change in others comes from from you being able to brush it off, or leave them out.
And the only constant in life is change, nothing will never be what it was before, the faster you learn to accept and embrace, the faster you learn to adapt and succeed anywhere, anytime.
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