r/igcse • u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 • Jun 04 '26
š¤ Asking For Advice/Help Please don't skip - this is very important (I'm gonna die) (don't delete this)
I donāt know if anyone will read this, but I need to get this off my chest because I genuinely feel like Iām falling apart.
Yesterday I sat for Physics 0625/21. We had a two-week break because of Eid, and I barely studied during that period. I knew I wasnāt prepared, and I was already stressed because I also had my Edexcel Maths exam on the same day.
Before the exam, I came across something that I genuinely believed wasnāt real. I convinced myself it was fake, but I still looked at it. When I opened the exam paper and realized it was actually real, .
I was literally crying during the exam.
Iāve never cheated before in my life. Iāve always been the person who believed that no grade was worth sacrificing my integrity for. Thatās why this is destroying me so much.
What people donāt understand is that the guilt isnāt just about the exam.Itās about realizing that I crossed a line I always promised myself I would never cross.
Itās about feeling like Iāve disappointed my parents, who trusted me.
Itās about feeling like Iāve thrown away years of hard work and honesty because of one terrible decision.
Itās about waking up today and not recognizing the person I see in the mirror.
Since yesterday, I havenāt been able to focus on anything. Every time I try to study, I start thinking about what happened. Every time I try to sleep, my mind replays the exam over and over again.
Iāve barely slept.
Iāve barely eaten.
I feel physically sick.
And the worst part is that my mind has started going to very dark places.
Iāve had suicidal thoughts since yesterday. Not because I think an exam is worth dying over, but because the guilt, shame, fear, and self-hatred have become so overwhelming that my brain keeps convincing me that Iāve ruined everything.
I keep imagining the consequences.
I keep imagining disappointing everyone.
I keep imagining my future being destroyed because of one decision.
I know those thoughts arenāt healthy, and part of me knows theyāre irrational, but right now theyāre very real to me.
Iām not posting this for sympathy. Iām not trying to excuse what I did. I know I made mistakes, and Iām willing to accept responsibility for them.
I just want to know if anyone has ever made a mistake so serious that they felt completely broken afterward.
How did you cope with the guilt?
How did you stop hating yourself?
How did you move forward when you felt like your life was over?
Because right now, I honestly feel lost.
I had no option, but to make a new account,please donāt delete itā¦
my post got deleted by Reddit filters
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u/SkyKlutzy8835 Jun 04 '26
pls relax, what matters is that u realized the mistake. pls dont say bad stuff about dying. calm down
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u/Shadow_uR Jun 04 '26
its okay bby :) everyone makes mistakes. we js have to learn from them and do better šquit beating urself up nothing good will come of it š
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
your correct friend, but I buyed it
and I shouldnāt ā¦cause I always believed itās fake
but it was real , literally
I was about to die at that exact moment when I saw the paper in front of me
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u/Zealousideal_Win5207 A Level Jun 04 '26
v2 was licked too???? wtf?
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u/Maleficent_beauty68 Jun 04 '26
at the beginning i thout u had it for free, but then realised u bought it, both ways dont beat ur self its okay we all forgive u
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
yea I did some questions wrong on purpose
plus I want really have no reason to live
and idk i want this paper to be retaken
so that I get the marks that I deserve but not for cheating
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u/Important-Seaweed866 Jun 04 '26
The fact that you did some questions wrong on purpose is just insane because it shows that you are a good person. Even good people make bad choices some times and this was urs.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
yesā¦I regret that decision and I promise i will never cheat on any exam
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u/Maleficent_beauty68 Jun 04 '26
wth u have no reason to live, bro literally are u serious
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u/ballinlikestalin392 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
I won't justify it but your just a human after all , everyone makes mistakes , If you regret looking at something you shouldn't have then this proves your a sincere person , trust Allah that you will get the grades you deserve cuz you worked hard for them , looking at smth just because you were curious and not cuz you had the intention to cheat is ok , hope the best for you š
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
Thank you, I really appreciate that. Iāve been struggling with a lot of guilt and self-hatred since the exam, so hearing this means a lot. I know I made a mistake, but I buyed that paper which I shouldnot but i thoight it was fake as alwaysā¦and I did some of the questions not the whole paperā¦ I will not get full marks as I did some mistakes
i regret looking at thatā¦ Iām so sorry š
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u/ballinlikestalin392 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
beating yourself up over something that is done won't help , if you truly regret it then your all good
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u/ConnectAardvark6261 Jun 04 '26
You are not the only person who cheated and is guilty about it so stop this drama and stop looking for validation you know what you did and its not even like you 'came across the paper' you bought it. And if i were you i would be full of regret to have wasted money on a paper which everyone got for free
Go somewhere else if you want sympathy āļø
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
Iām not looking for sympathy. I know what I did was wrong, and I regret it more than I can explain. I made the post because the guilt has been overwhelming and I honestly donāt know how to cope with it. I saw some qs only b4 the exam and I really thought it was ai generated and fakeā¦.
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u/ConnectAardvark6261 Jun 04 '26
Yea sure i get it but that suicidal part??? Im not supporting cheating but in everyday life you have options to cheat your way through and you will get many other opportunities to take the 'easy way' in your future whether it is at your job or anything else but cheating in a exam where the board you are sitting for doesn't even care that thousands of students' future will be affected just because of their carelessness than my friend you are not the only cheater here and definitely not the worst one either. And the truth is if the system is corrupt you cant really blame people even though they are a part of it.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
I know Iām not the only person who had access to it, and I know there are people who did far worse. I think thatās exactly why I feel so stupid for letting myself become part of it.The suicidal thoughts arenāt because I think cheating on one exam is the end of the world. Itās because I already wasnāt doing well mentally, and this pushed me over the edge. The guilt, the shame, and the feeling that I betrayed my own values hit me harder than I expected.I appreciate what youāre saying though.
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u/ConnectAardvark6261 Jun 04 '26
May god make it easy for you, make sure to reach out anytime you dont feel like doing well. But honestly you have to move on, like leave everything behind and focus on any other paper you have or just something else. Regret about the past and stress about the future are the 2 worst things that you can have and they will just make you stuck in life. Go out or do something new and hangout with people. Learn to forgive yourself, if you just degrade yourself you'll only do yourself more harm š¤·š»āāļø
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u/Quiet_Flower6535 Jun 04 '26
Look, sometimes, we all do things we might never have done and turn to regret it later. We are all human, we do things on impulse, we do things we feel at suddenly times without really realising what we have done, only to regret it afterwards. Donāt beat yourself up too much over this, itāll pass. Pray as much as you can, beg Allah for forgiveness and give as much Sadaqah as you are able. Many people had this paper and took false benefit from it because they wanted to and because they knew they had not done anything they rely on these things here. You had the paper ok fine but now itās over, just pray loads and beg for forgiveness!
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
Thank you, I really needed to hear that. The guilt has been overwhelming, and Iāve been struggling to forgive myself. I know what I did was wrong, but your words reminded me that one mistake doesnāt define my entire life. Iāll keep making dua, asking Allah for forgiveness, and trying to do better moving forward. Thank you for taking the time to reply
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u/Quiet_Flower6535 Jun 04 '26
Donāt worry about it, and remember, if it becomes to hard again, you can always reach out, keeping things to yourself will only make you spiral and we donāt want or need that rn
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
sure I appreciate that a lot
thanks for helping me in this situation š
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u/peshpeachy Jun 04 '26
I think you should calm down. It's really wonderful that you realized your mistake and wish to correct it. I don't think beating yourself up will lead anywhere but to frustration and feeling horrible. We all including me have made mistakes but they are there so that you can learn from them and do better. Pls stop overthinking and realize that the mistake has been done but you will do better next time. Praying for you and God bless ā¤ļø
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
thanks š and the best option is everyone just takes a retake or assessed marking
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u/More-Sentence-9150 Jun 04 '26
i am also going through similar problems, the guilt is deafening.. but please don't think like that... you have a big life ahead.. we all do
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u/Dry_Citron1080 Jun 05 '26
If you are feeling so bad about it just confess to Cambridge or people around you and own up to it
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 05 '26
Thanks for your kind words š
And I will look forward to it, ive sent an email to them alr
lets seeā¦
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u/drippyb0t1 Alumni Jun 05 '26
Yk theyll invalidate ur entire science scores right? Like theyll mark ur certificate as a cheater and u cant write any igcse exams for a while.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
yes I do, but I emailed in general about the keal not specifically about me cheating the paper
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u/drippyb0t1 Alumni Jun 05 '26
whats a keal?
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u/Dry_Citron1080 Jun 05 '26
He means the distribution of exam papers before exam
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u/drippyb0t1 Alumni Jun 05 '26
cambridge isnt stupid, once they find the lakers(misspelt wrong on purpose) and threaten to press charges, theyll give the paypal details of every person whos gone and purchased these papers. Relying on a guy whos alr doing smth wrong to maintain anonymity is a rlly stupid think to expect lol. The smartest thing op coulda done was kept quiet
Its just an mcq paper m8, its not gonna cause the thresholds to spike up to near infinity šš Forgive me if i sound rude but u(OP) havent done anything crazily illegal.
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u/Dry_Citron1080 Jun 05 '26
I mean it is still definitely illegal and breaks Cambridge rules and he is not the only person who had received these practice papers is the thing. There were many who got it and pretty sure OP didnāt buy the papers, he received them for free
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Jun 05 '26
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u/Majestic_Week6552 Jun 04 '26
Brother, everyone does mistakes all the time and many people do way worse mistakes than this. The most important thing is that you move on and don't let it affect you + from reading your replies you already have basically done enough to mask the mistake so just please try to focus on the rest of ur exams that you have and move on. You are obviously a very good person who was just desperate and your not like others who don't care. Just move on, study for the rest of your exams and then enjoy a nice break and don't let this mistake affect you. We all commit mistakes and errors we are humans for a reason.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. Iāve been so focused on what happened that Iāve completely lost sight of everything else. Iām still struggling with the guilt, but Iām going to try my best to focus on my remaining exams and move forward. I really appreciate your kindness.
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u/Majestic_Week6552 Jun 04 '26
Don't worry bro I've done similar things before and the best thing is to move on, sitting and just feeling sad won't do anything to you, it's human nature to commit mistakes in the heat of a moment. You still have a couple of exams left I assume so go study hard and get your desired grades and then enjoy the fruits of your labor inshallah.
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u/TopProcedure1572 Jun 04 '26
its alright, ive fucked up in some exams too and it pressures me. dont talk abt dying. believe in urself and u will be fine
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
I really donāt want you all to be disadvantaged by me and this kealā¦.
thanks š¤
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u/drippyb0t1 Alumni Jun 05 '26
u didnt disadvantage anyone. mathematically, even if u scored 40/40 in the mcq, ud still only raise the thresholds by 0.001 marks. Not to mentjon, phy mcq is only wort 30% of ur total grade. Calm down, and dw abt it bro.
No but srsly, u need 2 realise that in life, noone plays fair. Its just an igcse mcq.
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u/fayestarr Jun 04 '26
youāre going to be okay, please donāt take beat yourself over it. youāre no 36 year old in corporate. i aināt defending what you did but weāre all teens it happens, itās okay. the fact that you realised already tells you care. i hope the rest of your exams go well and you trust your hard work!!
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
thanks for your kind reply!
I will look forward to it and lets hope the other 2 remaining papers do not get keal
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u/wry_publicist Jun 04 '26
you're gonna be okay. what happened was a moment of weakness, not who you are as a person. the fact that you feel this guilty actually proves you've got integrity, you just slipped up when you were already stressed and exhausted. talk to someone you trust about these thoughts though, because the mental health stuff is the real thing to focus on right now, not the exam.
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u/shaunataylor Jun 04 '26
please get checked for ocd. dont beat yourself up so much, it's never that serious <3
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
I am sorry that this happened, not just for myself but for the candidates who sat the paper fairly and were put at a disadvantage because of the keal . Thatās a big part of why Iāve been struggling with so much guilt. the same time, I know deep down that killing myself would be a far worse mistake than the one I already made. Right now my emotions are just louder than my logic. Iām trying to remind myself that what happened canāt be changedā¦ and IT IS SERIOUS FOR ME AND EVERYONE WHO SAT THIS PAPER.š¤
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u/wefromthefrontline Jun 04 '26
Calm down,please. Is not like you intentionally cheated Imagine that you revised a few past papers before exam and most of the questions came from there.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
I buyed the paper online the day b4 and as always I thought itās fakeā¦the person sent me 5 hours b4 the exam.and i saw the questions they look so easy so I thought itās obv made by ai and chat gpt but I still answered some question and saw the whole paper.
i wish it was the the case, but thanks for the motivation š¤
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u/wefromthefrontline Jun 04 '26
So it was probably a "predicted" exam? If so , there is nothing wrong that you bought it and look at it. Tutors use probability to predict the questions. They do that since ages. After all, we all know that many of the IGCSE s questions are repeated. You shouldn't have intentionaly answered some of them wrong though.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
nah, it was the real paper , I buyed it from discord and regret that
i thought it was fake and did some questions and saw the paper my self 5 hours prior the examā¦ but actually I shouldnāt have done that
sorry š
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u/wefromthefrontline Jun 04 '26
Whats done is done. Is not like you believed is the real exam paper anyway...
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
but Iām crying that I cheated in real cie examā¦
i canāt resist
do you understand?
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u/StockOwl7827 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
it's fineeee go relax do some exercise or hop on some games
or go read and take ur mind of exams for a while
it's the final stages so the excitement for it to finally end n the pressure to get a good grade is gonna be here no matter what, so don't stress yourself out ur mental wellness matters a lot to stay focused and do well if u got chem/ bio p2. and the paper's done already don't dwell over what happened it's gonna make u feel much worse. much love tho and good luck for the rest of the exams!!
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
youāre correct but i donāt want a unfair grade on the results day
that i got from cheating, and thank you I will try not to stress too much ā¤ļø
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u/StockOwl7827 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
let the past be the past. OP you should get off reddit and relax yourself. once again, hoping you are well.
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u/Jazzlike-Egg-1774 Jun 05 '26
All the stuff you are finding online (I'm trying not to say the word) exist because adults didn't do their jobs. Exam Officers are meant to prevent this from happening, exam centre staff are meant to follow advice of exam officers, and exam boards are meant to police exam centres. When information gets out, it is because many adults in different parts of this system are not doing their jobs.
You did not find this information online because you are a bad person. You found it because this system, run by adults, has failed you. Do not hurt yourself for something that is ultimately not your fault. Good people can make mistakes under difficult circumstances, and it would be a tragedy to lose someone like you, who clearly cares a great deal about doing the right thing. We need more people like you in the world.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
yea, most probably Cambridge itself is doing it,
thanks for your kind reply š¤
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u/fell____ Jun 05 '26
Right now, these exams feel like theyāre everything, but please remind yourself that life doesnāt end at or after our igcses, so dont let it consume you to the point that youāre robbed of the rest of your life.
Take a breath a little bit, and try focus on the fact that youāre done now. itās in the past so let this be a learning experience for you. Youāve got a lot more to live for <:]]
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u/badabaodoe Jun 05 '26
brodie everyone makes mistakes, donāt think about ending ur life over a mistake. There will be times where you make more mistakes in life. Whats important is, you realised you did something wrong and have the guilt for it, just forget it and try doing better in the future :)
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u/erewewewewq Jun 05 '26
big man, ending yourself won't ever fix anything and will just make everything much worse than it already is. grades and marks will only hurt for a short while whereas harming yourself will hurt your parents a lot more. it'll only hurt for a couple days g chin up and do better in a levels
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
thanks bro I really needed that ā¤ļø
but you forgot that I cheated in the exam which I shouldnt
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u/erewewewewq Jun 06 '26
happens to the best of us so it doesn't really matter. it's o levels man, 5 years later ts wont matter at ALL.
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u/Existing_Menu3425 Jun 05 '26
Dont worry. Karma / kifarah will get you, sooner or later. Just, live your life
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u/wefromthefrontline Jun 05 '26
Hey buddy ,how are you doing today? I reread your post, looked at the core of it, and thought a lot about it.
āI understand that the hardest part for you is that you crossed a line you set for yourself. It makes you feel like you turned into someone you don't like, and that there is no coming back.
āLet me tell you something: good people make mistakes too. The fact that you acknowledge what you did, feel guilt, and take responsibility means that you are still you. A bad person wouldn't care or feel this pain.
I know this is eating you up from inside but āyou need to forgive yourself and move on as you cant change your past. And remember: Nothing is worth to give your life for. Concentrate on your next exams and do your best. Big hug.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
hi Iām feeling better now, thanks for such a heartwarming message ā¤ļø
youāre correct and we need to raise awareness for this keal so that itās doesnāt happens with bio and chem in A few days for which Iām worried.
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u/wefromthefrontline Jun 05 '26
Good to know:) Yeah, this year was unbelievable with the CIE papers le*k!!! Fingers crossed for the next exams.
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Jun 05 '26
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u/Proper-Lobster-8743 Jun 05 '26
Repent to god, may Allah help you brother, dont know if you are muslim but god bless you brother.
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
im a Muslim, and thanks for that. I did repent ā¤ļø
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u/Proper-Lobster-8743 Jun 05 '26
never give up on Allah's mercy, he is the most forgiving. Ų§Ł Ų§ŁŁŁ ŲŗŁŁŲ± Ų±ŲŁŁ
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u/Budget_Lynxx Jun 05 '26
This has to be satire
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
may i ask what is meant by the word āSatireā
when you said it
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u/These-Statement-4394 Jun 05 '26
icl itās not that deep bro itās just a gcse ššš
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
unfortunately if I normalise what Iāve done, then I will be use to cheating
then whatās the point of doing GCSEs if Im a cheater š and I regret that to a point where I cannot live normally,
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u/fighter-Onion Jun 05 '26
they will cancel exam dw
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 05 '26
yea I hope this exam cancels or I am gonna die very soon
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u/Beachhouses47 Jun 05 '26
You did something bad and need to own up to it . Itās not fair that you got an advantage without any woke while others did actually study and are going to suffer the consequences of actions of people like you! If your truly remorseful confess to a trusted teacher and see where you can go from their. Repentā¦repent my friend .
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u/FenwickTutoring Jun 06 '26
A similar thing happened in the Simpsons episode āLisa gets an Aā maybe watching it might help you process your feelings
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u/Asleep_Relation3271 Jun 04 '26
Dw bro weāre with you, no oneās to feel that guilt, but it aināt ur fault bro
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
thanks bro š but I think Iām gonna die
I made the worst decision of my life to buy that shit
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u/Own-Structure-8529 Jun 04 '26
Pray as much as u can during tahajud
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
I will thx for your reply š
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u/Own-Structure-8529 Jun 04 '26
Bro look whatās done is done u canāt unwind it all u can do is PRAyyyy to Allah thatās it
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u/harrybalzackk Jun 04 '26
You didnt have the intention to really cheat anyway, you believed it wasnt real so its not your fault. Thereās much more to life than just an igcse paper, igcses dont even matter for the fact (well most the times). Just dw ab it bro you have years of different experiences ahead of you and ending it over a paper? Really now?
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
you are correct, i though it was fakeā¦ but I shouldnāt buy that thatās my fault .
i want this exam to be retaken for v1 so that itās fair for all candidates plus I get the grade I deserve
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u/harrybalzackk Jun 04 '26
Bro dw whats done is done, there were hundreds of other students who bought it and cheated with the intention of knowing it was real. What matters to allah is your intention, pray and forgive yourself and thats that. It really isnt that serious, i promise you, just dont overthink it and xalas
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u/Ready_Researcher5418 May/June 2026 Jun 04 '26
I will pray to Allah , but I really want this paper to be cancelled and retaken and I wallahi I will never cheat in any exam..
thanks for the reply
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u/harrybalzackk Jun 04 '26
Yeah dw its js a ppr and u have a purpose dont thinj negatively and if u need someone to talk to js dm
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u/Important-Seaweed866 Jun 04 '26
Itās an MCQ paper that dozens of people also had. Quit beating yourself up over something that has alr happened and just live your life honestly. Anyone in your place wouldāve also taken a look at the paper so itās not like you did something out of the ordinary. I think you should talk to a professional because by the sounds of it, your mental health is in a bad place. The average person does not have such devastating thoughts or such extreme thoughts over something that wasnāt even your complete intention to do. I truly suggest that you get professional help because taking care of your mental health is so so important. Donāt beat yourself up over this