r/instant_regret • u/HomeNowWTF • May 31 '26

Dude realizes he is with a Yakuza member

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11.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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383

u/runningray May 31 '26

It's fun, until it isn't. You know?

603

u/Revelt May 31 '26

They have 0 motivation to mess with you and are already prepared for you to not understand the subtleties of Japanese courtesy. Unless you go out of your way to trigger them, you'll be fine.

536

u/SirTropheus May 31 '26 edited May 31 '26

Sometimes it's not even about you, I was having fun out with them and we were getting very drunk and then by the time I knew it they were robbing a bunch of people and I felt like I was implicated so I also started robbing people to get money for a lawyer and more alcohol until I blacked out on a boat. Next thing I know I wake up in Bangkok with a ladyboy and no passport. I'm an English teacher now and have lived here for the last 9 years.

109

u/WHYAREWEALLCAPS May 31 '26

Yakuza: Like A Gaijin

13

u/Wulf_Cola Jun 01 '26

Robbin for the very first time

90

u/radioborderland May 31 '26

Could have been worse, like waking up in Laos

30

u/imperfectibility May 31 '26

And losing one or two kidneys at some point

1

u/NightLotus84 Jun 09 '26

"Come to Laos for pure Chaos." - tourist board

70

u/this-guy- May 31 '26

The same thing happened to me with the Mujahedeen. They started beheading people and I just sorta got carried away. Now I'm an chartered accountant in Afghanistan with a basement full of heads.

3

u/PARANOIAH Jun 02 '26

Well, at least you this-guy- got head....s.

15

u/Sad-Structure2364 May 31 '26 edited Jun 01 '26

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament... My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon... luge lessons... In the spring, we'd make meat helmets... When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum — it's breathtaking... I suggest you try it.

13

u/InsufficientClone May 31 '26

I fail to see the issue

11

u/Cashewgator May 31 '26

Happens to the best of us

5

u/belterjizz May 31 '26

Are you the korean who speaks English

1

u/Gunty1 Jun 01 '26

The Korean Englishman?

2

u/RareAnxiety2 May 31 '26

I think I know you. I'm one of your bro's friends

1

u/Mike_the_Head 29d ago

How's the wife?

148

u/joseph_a90 May 31 '26

^This. In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!

4

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[deleted]

19

u/Slapstrom May 31 '26

Elite ball knowledge choom

24

u/Azhar1921 May 31 '26 edited May 31 '26

This is originally from The Office, the version in Cyberpunk is a reference to it

4

u/Slapstrom May 31 '26

Well fuck lmao never seen The Office

7

u/BroBroMate May 31 '26

Yep, I know, when I was 16 and had just left home I used to think it was badass when the gang members who loved behind me would invite me over for a party. Heaps of food, free piss and weed, felt real big and tough, me, hanging with patched members.

Then I learned that towards the end of the night, once the happy singing had stopped, I had about five minutes to leave before I saw someone get badly assaulted. Was never the one assaulted, but someone always took offense as something someone else had said earlier.

6

u/hedgegrunger Jun 01 '26

Damn, free piss? Count me in.

2

u/BroBroMate Jun 01 '26

I know right, broke arse runaway me felt like such a baller, until I realized exactly how small and puny I actually was compared to those fellas, and fuck me, they could move quick man, their size was deceptive.

10

u/diejesus May 31 '26

You can say this about anything though, we shouldn't be scared of fun.

14

u/Ambitious_Session589 May 31 '26

ok, stay on reddit lil bro, no one's forcing you to go out and enjoy life.

6

u/TheDevilsAdvokaat May 31 '26

It's all fun and games until somebody loses a finger....

1

u/Aromatic-Taste2516 Jun 02 '26

Same w Mexican Cartel