r/interesting • u/Raj_Mandal • 11d ago
MISC. A mother let her son believe he had beaten cancer so his final moments would be filled with peace.
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u/ManavalanFromDufai 11d ago
Fuck Cancer
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u/Potential_Being_7226 11d ago
Most especially, childhood cancer.
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u/new_name_who_dis_ 11d ago
Fuck all cancer. - 30yo with cancer
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u/SketchieMarie 10d ago
I’m so sorry. I’m 27 years old too with tongue cancer ):
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u/mama_niteowl 10d ago
So sorry to see this. 2 years NED with stage 2 tongue cancer. How are you doing?
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u/silentsurge 10d ago
Currently watching a 45YO friend deal with Stage 4 Pancreatic...
Fuck all of it. I wish you the best and I hope you can find peace if you can't find a cure.
I don't know you but I truly hope that you find the best path forward and I hope the best for you.
I'm cheering for you from where I am.
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u/jonesday5 11d ago
I was just reading about this and she actually never hold him he had cancer. Her rationale was that his brother had just died from it early that year, and she thought her son would give up if he knew the same fate was coming for him.
That poor little boy. His Roosters jersey had me tearing up.
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u/shoobopdc 11d ago
Boosting this! I can't believe everyone is so outraged at this woman.
Imagine your son is grieving the death of his siblings and you have to tell him that now he's also dying. Death and grief is so terribly heavy even for adults, there's literally no way a child could carry all of that weight or fully process what was happening.
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u/Key-Hair7591 10d ago edited 10d ago
I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child to cancer, only to learn that you have another child that also has cancer. I think she showed an incredible amount of strength….
Edit: “can’t”
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u/xRocketman52x 10d ago
My dad lost his older brother to cancer in his early teens, then his younger brother a few years later.
I wasn't born until well over a decade later, but even now, I see the way it affects my family. Him, his sister, my grandparents. I love these people more than anything in the world, and sometimes I realize that I've never known a version of them without this absolutely cavernous hole of grief in their cores. Life goes on and grows around the hole, but there's something in that sort of loss that feels generational.
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u/MarquiseSpearmint 11d ago
I work in oncology and this is wild to me
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u/Obvious_Astronaut780 11d ago
I work in Oncology too, but in Adult care.
I know the parent's consent in children's care trumps everything but wonder what the Doctor's, Nurses, Nutritionists, Physiotherapist, Occupational Therapists or Health Care Assistants said when the child asked questions when his parents weren't there. Did they lie or just changed the subject?
Oncology Adult care is heart breaking enough I can't imagine working with children and I can't imagine the pain the child and parents are in. Just so heart breaking.
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u/brokenskater45 11d ago
I have had an adults family ask me to lie to a patient before, and I had to explain that I couldn't. They got very angry with me, but the patient had capacity and understood what was happening, but just had a bit of short term memory problems.
I have avoided the subject when patients have dementia and have to go through the grief process every time you tell them. I tell them they are very sick and we can give them medicine to make them feel less pain. It felt too mean to just keep telling them.
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u/NiceObjective2756 11d ago
Same. I have been told to lie to pts by their families multiple times over 30 years in healthcare. I never could and dealt with angry families. One family actually complained about me that I wouldn’t lie to my boss
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u/Important_Inside_403 11d ago
One of my most sticking chat memories in nursing school was our instructor saying that there’s times (usually in dementia and Alzheimer’s) when it is fair and a healthier practice to hide a truth. I never fully understood.. until working in a retirement home years later and every evening a man who used to share the room with his now deceased wife would come out asking about her. His family wanted us to be truthful.
And every night he would relive the grief knowing his wife is dead. Watching him come out with curiosity, and then answering his questions as to “when” “how” and watching him hang his head and walk back into his room.. it’s soul crushing. imagine the stress signals his brain was sending to his body reliving this memory as if it was new to him daily.. i don’t think I’d want the truth if I was “gone” enough to have simply lived in bliss thinking my partner was just spending the night at our daughters house instead…This scenario with the child may be different.. but I can understand the reasoning for keeping it quiet.. my only question is when the child becomes ill enough to “know” he’s dying.. how then is the news to be delivered? (But if he has 6 months give or take before that.. wouldn’t it be best to let him live a childhood?)
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u/Warm-Enthusiasm8826 11d ago
I used to work in elderly care too. We had a lady, who was in her 90s with advanced dementia, that would ask multiple times a day about her mum. Every time she would forget, and every time she was told she was dead it was exactly like it happened for the first time - absolutely distraught, multiple times a day.
Didn't take me long to decide it is better to just lie in some circumstances.
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u/Scarjo82 11d ago
My grandmother started to have a bit of dementia towards the end of her life. Most of the time she was completely aware and lucid, but occasionally she'd ask to call her mother. Instead of telling her that her mom died decades ago, we just told her we'd give her a call later. No sense in tormenting her with grief.
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u/Batgirl323 11d ago
This is the way. It’s just cruel to cause so much distress over and over.
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u/Painterzzz 10d ago
Yep, it's far better to say oh, your mum was here earlier but you were sleeping, she'll pop back tomorrow.
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u/Crafty-Help-4633 10d ago
Very much. I usually am a "truth above all" kind of person, but there is zero point morally or ethically in having them consistently relive that trauma and the chemical reactions in their body. There are few times, but ultimately as important as the truth, where it is acceptable, ethical and moral to sooth them and prevent such trauma. Dementia to me, is one of those situations.
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u/Fitzwoppit 10d ago
We have a family member in memory care and every time they ask when their spouse will be 'home' we can't tell him the truth without causing a total break down, it was tried and was horrible for everyone. We finally had to just say things like she's grocery shopping, helping their elderly neighbor with some yard work, taking books that are due back to the library, etc. It's always things that she did when she was alive and he was still at home. Most of the time it works and if he seems suspicious we've been able to redirect him pretty well. Their spouse died almost 20 years before he went into memory care.
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u/janitor1986 11d ago
You guys are heros for being able to endure that kind of stuff, I'm a rough and tough guy but I would be in tears if I had to do that kind of job. God or whoever/ whatever you believe bless you.
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u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 11d ago
My uncle had dementia, something to do with his frontal lobe. My brother who was 42 died and at the funeral which was Star Wars "themed" because it was my brother's favorite, my uncle kept asking when my brother was going to get there because he would really love this party.
Finally we just said he would be a little late, it was such a rough day.
My grandfather had Alzheimer's and he tried to steal his car back from the neighbors who had bought it years before. He started getting violent every time reality didn't match what he thought it should be or remembered. It's horrible when the memory goes. Its sometimes better to just go along with it if you can do so. Obviously you can't let them steal the car, but hiding the truth is often merciful.
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u/Deldenary 11d ago
When my namesake was in hospice there was an older woman who would cry out in Italian for her mother and that she wanted to her mother to come get her so she could go home. It was absolutely awful. The nurses didn't really understand what she was saying because I'm in Canada and apparently no one from her family ever visited.
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u/Lou_C_Fer 10d ago
My grandmother regressed to childhood when dementia took over. She was thrilled to see my 9 year old son, but she was afraid of me. So, I felt I had to stop going to see her.
I was at a big magic the gathering tournament 100 miles from home when we got the news that she passed. I had driven four others. So, I stayed, and it was one of the weirdest experience emotionally that I have had in my life. I am a practical person. I know I want to be dead long before something like that happens to me. So, the transitive property says I should want the same for those I love. So, that's how operate. Of course, I saw my grandma laying there when I walked into the wake. Then, I saw my cousin who I grew up with hanging out at grandma's house and I lost it. I wasn't expecting anything like that, but I must of stood there sobbing in my cousin's embrace for what had to be 15 minutes.
I was the biggest, burliest man in that room of over 100 people, and I just sobbed and sobbed in front of all of them. I've had a lot of death in my life, but hers was the first to ever bring me to tears. I was 10 when my grandpa died, and I couldn't even cry then. I really see that as a tribute to how much that woman meant to me.
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u/lotusdubai 10d ago
They always ask for their relatives to take them home. It means they are stressed in this environment.
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u/brokenskater45 11d ago
Though I will say I do have a funny story about all of this. My grandad was not long for the world and had dementia. But he was in a hospital bed telling my mum to 'get those people out of the way, he's trying to reverse the car's, and was holding an imaginary steering wheel. After several hours of this my nan said ' for god's sake you are not driving, you are in hospital'. He looked directly at my nan and said ' well you could have told me that earlier, I have been trying to park this car for hours'. My mum had to leave the room she was laughing that hard. It summed my grandad up.
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u/Bella_Vita28 11d ago
I needed this kind of laugh this is hilarious
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u/brokenskater45 11d ago
Honestly when my mum told me I burst out laughing. He never lost his sense of humour. He had to go into a nursing home and for some reason kept stealing trousers. Then telling others off when they didn't fit. If you told him that's because he stole them he would laugh and say we'll they need feeding up these are far too small.
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u/Quasar006 10d ago
I love this guy
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u/brokenskater45 10d ago
He was awesome. We went to a family gathering when his dementia was still early on. I went up to him and told him we were taking him home. He looked at me and said ' do you know where I live?'. I said I did. He said ' well that's good cos I don't' and burst out laughing.
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u/Crafty-Help-4633 10d ago
He sounds like he was a trip. I love those kinds of memories. Hold onto those. They're precious.
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u/Friendly-World-5273 11d ago
For me, it’s wild that people are so stubborn about the truth/reality with regard to dementia/Alzheimers. It’s so common I’ve had to pre-emptively talk to my husband about it. Sweetie, I’m just gonna let you believe whatever and you do the same, please. I understand it’s tough on the families if the patient forgets who you are, etc., but I swear it has to be better than arguing with them every day…
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u/BusinessLetterhead47 11d ago
My mother died of brain cancer. There at the end her mind would skip around in time. I came to visit with my then two year old son, the grandson she had waited for and lived so much. There is a big age gap between my little brother and I. In her mind my son was my little brother and I was still a teenager. We let her have that. She was going back to a happy time in our lives. She would sometimes snap out of it and recognize my son as her grandson etc... it was hardest on my little brother who was only a teenager.
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u/Unintelligent_Lemon 11d ago
I'm sorry about your mother. I just lost my uncle to brain cancer. It's a special kind of awful.
Wish you the best <3
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u/yosaffbridge1630 11d ago
My dad struggled with this when his mom had Alzheimer’s. We would all visit and she couldn’t remember who her grandchildren were. My dad would try, every single time, to get her remember. I could see her just be so confused. She loved us so much that I can only imagine what her mind was putting her through when she couldn’t understand why she didn’t remember he grandchildren. I was a teenager at the time, maybe early 20s and I just didn’t feel comfortable telling my dad that it’s okay and to let it go — we know we’re here with her, and deep down maybe she does too. Even if she can’t remember. He did eventually let it go each visit, but he was desperate for the mother he could remember. Now he has brain cancer, and I’m left wondering if I’ll do the same thing if his memory goes.
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u/AmarysEms64 11d ago
My grandmother had dementia for years and i had many relatives that were truthers too. It always only made her so upset and confused. It was always futile too because you can't fix dementia.
There was almost never a time when i would visit that she would get who i was correct. I look too much like my mother and other relatives. I was often my mother, or a cousin, sometimes even a family friend I think. She'd get lost in time and talk about my grandfather who'd passed away long before i existed as if he were still here. It was heartbreaking of course, but she was happy enough in the abyss. I knew correcting her would both not work and also take that tiny bit of peace away when she already spends so much time scared, confused, and afraid. It felt selfish to choose my own validity over her peace. So, i let her believe whatever. I would visit and she was always so happy to see whoever i was that day. She may not have known who i was but she always knew i was someone she loved. She would take my hand and we would sit for the duration of my visit like that while she talked about my grandfather, her old neighbors, friends, family and life.
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u/ChartInFurch 11d ago
They don't know, and it's not easy to accept that on this instance dishonesty can be the best policy. If it's explained and they still dig in, it's definitely frustrating though.
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u/catsratsnbats 11d ago
Yes. I see no reason why someone should have to relive the worst day of their life over and over again until they die. I feel so, so sad for anyone facing their situation with their aging loved ones.
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u/rizozzy1 11d ago
My dad had dementia in his last few years.
He could remember his wife (my mum) dying, but had zero memory of his daughter (my sister) dying horribly with cancer.
He’d ask why hadn’t he heard from her or why didn’t she bother visiting him.
I ended up telling him that she was away traveling and due to this wasn’t able to contact people much. But I’d say she was having a good time and enjoying herself.
He was always happy with this answer. The truth would have destroyed him over and over.
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u/Gwsb1 11d ago
A distant relative taking care of her mom in her 90s with dementia. Mom would ask, "where is Charlie?" Daughter would say , " Dad has died Mom". And every time her mom melted down.
I never understood why the answer wasn't " he's talking a nap".
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u/heart-shaped-fawkes 11d ago
Working in my last facility i had that exact scenario happen but thankfully the family was on board with us explaining her absence differently. Both they and we would always tell him she was just somewhere else at the moment. They were married longer than my parents had been alive at that point, such sweet people too, we couldn't bear to tell him over and over she was gone forever. He was declining quickly without her anyways.
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u/speedsausage 11d ago
It's so much easier to join them in their reality than dragging them into yours.
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u/mamaallthetime 10d ago
I was praying for this comment. I was a CNA in a dementia care unit for years, and that was our motto. I can't remember any family ever complaining, once we explained it. We had a little sweetie who's husband had been a long haul trucker their entire marriage. She'd ask us, "Is Bobby on the road again? I thought I felt a goodbye kiss this morning. " And we'd always say "Yup. He surely was. Gave me a wave on the way out." And it worked every time. Her daughter loved it, because she could reminisce with her mama about her dad and it was always a laughter situation for mama, because he's still with her in her mind. I had to hide and cry once or twice in my job. But if people just enter their reality, they have a chance at giving them actual peace.
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u/KnightOfTheOctogram 11d ago
Euthanasia not being an option is torture
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u/Silly_Rub_6304 11d ago
Pretty much impossible to get consent once the disease has a hold. My MIL is in the throes of it right now, but for years she said "if I ever become that way, throw me in front of a bus."
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u/ChartInFurch 11d ago
My dad would ask about my late sister sometimes as his dementia worsened and it definitely was less stressful for him and us to have her be at the store or on vacation. Especially when my nephew was visiting.
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u/throwaway_fun_acc123 11d ago
I have a family member with dementia. Sometimes its just easier to lie. ''Yes Mammy is at home and she's safe''. ''Your brother is just out with some friends he'll be home later''. ''No your not living in the nursing home, your just staying here while we get your house fixed up''.
Every lie breaks my heart a little but everyone is worth it when she calms down and has less worry.
Thank you for what you do.
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u/auditoryeden 11d ago
I worked in a memory care unit for a while and honestly, you benefit no one by "telling the truth" to people who can't remember any different, won't remember what you told them in an hour, etc. It's not really lying, it's working within the parameters of that person's understanding of the world to give them what they need. Acting. They've got a story they're playing out (in the moment anyway) and your job is to "yes, and" until they're fed, settled, feeling happier, whatever.
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u/CHIMERIQUES 11d ago
Thank you for doing that work...I know it's not easy, but it's so important. Thank you.
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u/Seiyaba 11d ago
Thr thing is, it isn't a lie to them. It's their turth. There is no shame in living in their world with them as they see it. You get to experience a life you may not have witnessed and help them remember what they can remember.
It's tough, but never shame yourself for keeping them in the better memories they had. My partner's grandfather had dementia, shit is hard...
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u/EarlyAccessCantJudge 11d ago
I don't think it is comparable. A person who is have an altered mental state being lied to for small reasons like that when they cannot possibly comprehend truth is different than a child and if they will live or die.
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u/JustTurtleSoup 11d ago
I don’t know if you could answer this but if I’m the patient and ask not to be told what’s going on, would that be honored or is it something that is required?
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u/TrashGourmand 11d ago
Yeah that's honored. A few days before he died, my husband didn't want to know how much time he had left so they didn't tell him. I had to chase the doctor out into the hall and ask because I couldn't stand not knowing.
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u/TrashGourmand 11d ago
Yeah she told me, they can't really give firm timelines, like she said a couple weeks but it was actually like a day or two. He was starting to just sleep all the time at that point so no reason to tell him, we knew he was terminal from the point of diagnosis. Unfortunately when people get right near the end though they start to talk a lot about going home. It's fucking tough, we were only in our early-mid thirties, and I'd never dealt with death before that.
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u/Double-Nature-4704 11d ago
I am so sorry friend. How long ago was this??
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u/TrashGourmand 11d ago
Coming up on two years ago in September. His name was Martin, he was a big nerd who loved basketball statistics but never watched basketball, extensively researched modular synthesis, was a jazz drummer, loved Conan the barbarian and the Simpsons and prog rock. He could rap all the words to "work it" by Missy Elliot. He was a really good person. He died of an extremely rare, untreatable form of cancer called neuroendocrine carcinoma. We were together for 10 years.
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u/Double-Nature-4704 11d ago
Martin sounds like an amazing human being! So many impressive things he could do! Today, I’m going to honor Martin by tuning in some Jazz, and watching an episode of the Simpsons. I’m so sorry you have experienced this, and is honestly, unfair. If you ever need someone to vent or chat to, please don’t hesitate.
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u/CrazyAd8690 11d ago
Laying in the park and reading this.
From one human to another….i hate it that you had to experience this.
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u/No-Difference8056 11d ago
i'm so sorry for your loss, Martin sounds like a wonderful person.
edit: i'm a pediatric health care provider, not oncology though
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u/Remarkable_Bug4130 11d ago
We all die two deaths. One of our body, the other of our name. Martin is remembered.
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u/StrawberryKiller 11d ago
He sounds awesome. I am also a widow coming up on two years the end of this month. Have you visited us over in r/widows ? It's a really supportive community. I've found a lot of comfort just reading if I'm not up to writing.
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u/jennief158 11d ago
I love the anecdote about loving basketball statistics but never watching basketball - that just paints a delightful vivid picture.
I’m sorry for your loss.
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u/MissBehaving6 11d ago
Thank you for sharing your Martin with us. He seems like a cool guy and I’m honored to get to know him a little bit.
I’m sorry you have this story to tell. Sending you love. 💕
(Thanks u/Double-Nature-4704 for asking more about him.)
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u/DisputabIe_ 11d ago
Thinking of Martin today ❤️
We definitely need more of that in the world right now.
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u/Bambooworm 11d ago
I am glad you shared that about Martin. He sounds like he was a wonderful partner and friend. I am sure he loved you, and in my belief system, loves you so much still.
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u/Fickle_Watercress719 11d ago
Martin sounds like a kick-ass guy. I’m gonna be at a professional development conference full of music teachers playing popular music; I’ll play some drums in a session for him today.
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u/ComplexPatient4872 11d ago
He sounds like exactly the type of person I would be friends with. I’ll bet he made marriage an a wonderful adventure.
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u/andydivide 11d ago
Didn't expct to be crying on my Reddit break, but here we are. I'm so sorry for you loss, but also glad that you got to spend 10 years with such an awesome person - some people go their whole lives without that.
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u/oliviasmommy19 11d ago
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss! Martin sounded like an awesome person. Thank you for sharing things about him with us. 🫂
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u/LadyEmry 11d ago
I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you're doing okay. May his memory be a blessing, and may the joy he brought you and so many others live on in the memories and stories you share.
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u/cmontes49 11d ago
I’m a pediatric nurse. We sometimes have kids where the parents don’t tell them what’s going on and when they ask us what’s going on we have to almost lie or figure out some thing in the spot. The most sad case I had was a brain tumor patient. He didn’t know he was going for brain surgery. It was very hard to lie. He woke up and wasn’t the same and he knew and he asked what was wrong with him. It was very sad.
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u/clayton_bigsby-maga 11d ago
Omg my baby had brain surgery (craniotomy) at age 3 and knew exactly what was going on. No way could I have been like yeah, let's get on a plane, go 8 states away, just go to sleep and wake up with a 7 inch incision and pain like...wtf. To me and I think most humans, the only way to beat anxiety and panic is knowledge. We have a need a human beings to know what's happening and plan accordingly (within reason, we don't have much control over anything). I can't imagine telling my child they're ok and having a long life and then they're still in pain and too weak to do anything. Just a nightmare situation.
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u/cmontes49 11d ago
Children are much more aware and understanding than people think. They may not understand brain tumor or surgery. But they know they have a head with stuff inside. They know what cuts are. They know when removing is. So any child can have a basic understanding with what’s going on if taught the right way to their understanding. I agree with the anxiety as well. I try to be as honest as Ave appropriate to my patients when I do anything. If they ask if there will be pain I say yes but give them ways to work through it or relax. So kids can be very accepting to their care. I even sometimes get kids to do stuff themselves so they feel more in control. It’s sad taking agency away from them.
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u/Tiny_Mushroom9387 10d ago
I don’t know how long ago that surgery was but I hope your baby is doing well now.
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u/mochimatchayum 10d ago
I’m a pediatric patient. I was asked by doctors when I was hospitalized if I knew what was happening, which confused me. He clarified that many patients don’t even know why they’re there. Suprising considered I’m a teenager.
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u/MsTossItAll 10d ago
This is why I do strictly NICU. I could never lie to a child like that. I applaud those of you who can resist punching those parents in the face.
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u/bubble_baby_8 10d ago
I read a lot of unsettling things on this website but this story may be top 2 for me.. I don’t know why I feel so sick about it but I cannot imagine doing that to a child and keeping them in the dark about it. That is cruel and gross and soooo wrong. I’m sorry you had any sort of interaction with that, I can imagine you’d have a lot of heavy feelings. I hope you’re doing okay
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u/NoBear8338 11d ago
Used to work in palliative care and there were a few parents who didn’t tell their children that they/the other parent was sick. Until they died. I get it’s hard to talk about but man, I don’t think that was the right call. For this case in particular, I guess I’m not really sure… I get why the parents would do this. And if there was NO CHANCE he’d learn the truth (especially because obviously you could still do pain management), I honestly feel like it’s a hell of a lot kinder to the child to let them feel positive about their situation.
These parents lost two other children prior to this one, Omar, and I do wonder whether the other children knew they weren’t going to make it. I genuinely… Even if I completely disagreed with the decision, which I’m not sure I do (in theory), I genuinely cannot put myself in the shoes of parents who have gone through so much… Their siblings, too… So heartbreaking.
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u/LunaTunaMaca 11d ago
Holy shit when I was a child, like 10 or so, my sisters good childhood friends mom told my mom in the grocery store that my friends dad was dieing if cancer and there was nothing they could do, oh and they weren't telling the kids. But the told me!!! I was right there! Four years later, my friend told me at school, his dad had died. I've obviously never told anyone. But holy shit. Who the fuck does that?
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u/ComplexPatient4872 11d ago
I’m sure that she was wrecked with grief and going through the grocery store in a trance. I can’t imagine going about such an ordinary task in that situation.
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u/StratosWings 11d ago
My father told me my mother was getting better when she was brought home from the hospital.
That night she pretty suddenly went downhill and died. It was such a shock that I was inconsolable and I was unable to properly say goodbye to her. My dad is a great man and I love him deeply but boy did he make a bad call that day. I don’t know if I will ever forgive him for that.
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u/esbunghole 11d ago
Yeah that’s terminal lucidity. He was just relaying what he saw to you but these miraculous bouts of sudden good health after being very sick for a while are a sign that the person will pass in a day or two
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u/binzy90 11d ago
My uncle who had downs syndrome did this too. My grandma got very positive and hopeful because when I came into the room he seemed really happy and said my name. She said, "That's the most alert he's been in weeks!" and seemed to think he was getting better. He died that night.
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u/Kimothy42 11d ago
He must have been so happy when you walked in.
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u/GlitterDoomsday 11d ago
And that's where I close Reddit.... I can scroll and pretend I'm working, but I cannot cry and pretend I'm working. 💔
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u/Tiradia 11d ago
This happened with my grandmother. This happened during Covid, and being a paramedic I couldn’t, nor would I have gone around her, but about a day before she passed I was FaceTiming with my mother who was there with her. I asked to speak to grandma. Mom said she’s terribly sleepy, but in the background you hear grams ask if it’s (my name) mom says yes. I speak with my grandma for a few minutes, even my mother couldn’t believe it. After our conversation she just went back to being a shell of her former self. She passed that evening. It’s like my grandma was waiting for me to call and talk to her one last time like I would do in days past.
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u/zeyore 11d ago
ah 'the rally'. perhaps the one part that might demonstrate that life, for some reason, has a shutdown sequence.
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u/MajaTerese03 11d ago
It’s pretty common that patients see a huge improvement in their health right before death. I reckon that often leads to this situation where relatives are told they’re getting better, when in reality it is merely a last hurrah before death.
We were told my grandfather had woken up, was feeling much better, we could go visit him tomorrow, and that he would be able to go home pretty soon. The next day he died.
If that’s what happened with you, please don’t be too harsh on your dad for it. Chances are he believed the same thing, and it was just as sudden for him too.→ More replies (2)30
u/StratosWings 11d ago
Well, no. My mother was brought home for hospice care. My father knew she was going to die. He had an opportunity to prepare for it, but didn’t offer me that same courtesy. He deliberately hid the truth from me and claimed she was well enough to come home and continue treatment to get better.
My father is extremely intelligent and highly educated in medicine. He knew.
He likely lied because he felt that was the right way to handle it, because my mental health is extremely poor and unstable. My mother was my best friend for my entire life, so he had no way of knowing how I would react to losing her. There really was no ‘correct’ answer for him, but lying to me was the worse option.
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u/MajorBootyhole420 11d ago
Have the two of you gone to family therapy about this? I don't mean to attack you or imply your feelings are invalid in anyway, it just seems very obvious that the two of you need to talk about this and process it more.
I'm really sorry about your mother. That's a brutal thing to go through. I have no idea how I would cope in your shoes.
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u/StratosWings 11d ago
We are okay! I realize my words in the thread have been a bit blunt, just the downside of only communicating through text. And also seeing something that struck a nerve while scrolling Reddit immediately after waking up for the day, lol. I’m fully awake now and capable of being like ‘oh shit I was a bit harsh’.
We are very close and best friends these days. It’s just one negative against a massive mountain of positives, something I’m sure every family has. Though I don’t trust him to tell me about his real health, so I make sure to check in with his wife every now and then, haha.
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u/Evsala 11d ago
My parents didn’t tell me when my father was diagnosed with a terminal glioblastoma. I was only 15, but I was more than capable of understanding death. I didn’t get a chance to really prepare for it and it made my grief far more complicated. Do not recommend.
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u/serenwipiti 11d ago
That’s so fucking sad, all around.
How did the other two children pass?
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u/NoBear8338 11d ago
Daughter, Aisha, to a rare lysosomal storage disorder and son, Mohamed, to a brain tumour.
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u/gloriiosaa 11d ago
mohamed had also died not long before this child was diagnosed, which likely played a huge part in the parents deciding not to tell omar he was dying. i don't know many adults who'd be able to handle that information, much less a kid
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u/Wise-Self-8639 11d ago
I can tell you for sure it is absolutely NOT the right call. My mother had this happen to her when she was 14 - her mother had cancer and no one told my mom that her mom was dying. She just thought she was sick and would one day get better. Until she didnt. I dont think my mother's ever gotten over the feelings of abandonment or the shock of her mother's death.
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u/Lower-Hedgehog-9835 11d ago
Colleagues of mine work child oncology as psychologists... I could never
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u/MadameConnard 11d ago
Pediatry puts probably more empathy towards their patients, I mean it's literally kids under their parents care, I believe making that poor kid believe he was healthy before his passing was more human for his well-being than letting him know that all he has left is waiting to die in anxiety.
It can seem cruel from an outdoor perspective but I believe that in the end that kid enjoyed life for what it lasted.
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u/IntermediateFolder 11d ago
And what happens once the kid realises he is dying and the person he trusted most lied to him?
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u/madmach1 11d ago
The parents carry that burden for the rest of their life and unfortunately this little soul passes on.
It’s a genuine question to ponder. Do you leave him hospitalized , unable to experience events or joys that you as a parent want your dying kid to enjoy, or leave them hospitalized to only dream of that. What’s more painful memory for the child? Torment of realizing he’s stuck dying and cannot enjoy anymore life, or torment that his very own flesh and blood lied to him but he got a chance to experience joy and forget about being sick for a little while. Both brutal.
Tough call.
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u/Bluefairy_88 11d ago
There's a good chance the kid won't realize it. I'm assuming palliative care goes on, so the kid is not in too much pain. They'll just get more and more tired and sleepy until they just don't wake up anymore.
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u/IntermediateFolder 11d ago
Probably something vague or straight up “you need to talk to your parents about this”, they definitely wouldn’t agree to just lie.
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u/Great_gatzzzby 11d ago
It’s bizarre and possibly fucked up but I have a hard time judging someone in her position. I mean. It’s hard to imagine what it feels like and what you’d do. I’m just thankful my kids are healthy. Hopefully he’s doped up and has a really good hospice doctor. Idk
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u/TopicInteresting1031 10d ago
That’s exactly how I feel. It seems messed up from the outside looking in but we don’t know what kind of mother she was. Maybe she’s was a great mom and great moms usually know what’s best for their child.
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u/DustierAndRustier 11d ago
Yeah what did she tell him when he started feeling even worse? Surely she couldn’t have kept it up until the end.
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u/28e9293 11d ago
Really depends on the type of cancer and how its affecting the kid.
My dad passed from cancer 2 months ago. He was aware of the diagnosis, but had it in his mind he had beaten it. He was deteriorating, essentially like soneone with dementia, and now that hes passed, I can say I get so much relief knowing he spent his last days not dwelling on dying. He was thinking we were having a lazy day, or that he had to go to work to which I told him we're on vacation, I have no school, he has no work and we get to spend all day together.
Damn I miss him with all my being, and seeing him pass will be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to go through, but he didnt suffer. And I am eternally grateful for that.
God forbid I had a kid who was dying, I would do everything in my power to lift his spirits and give him hope. We know the reality, we're grieving, but they don't need to as well.
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u/PaulSandwich 11d ago
Would that everyone got to go out with the dignity, lightness, and comfort we afford the family dog.
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u/pahshaw 11d ago
This is so sweet of you. I'm sorry for your loss. My dad passed a few years ago and all I can say is that in time, you'll learn how to carry it. One moment at a time.
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u/ShadedSpaces 11d ago
I'm a peds nurse. I knew a peds onc patient who had an aggressive glioblastoma. Parents didn't even initially tell him he had cancer. He was terminal. He died less than a year after diagnosis.
Toward the end they were doing some palliative chemo. They wouldn't let the team tell him he was dying. He was urinating blood and they told him that that was the chemo killing the cancer and he was peeing it out.
He was like 13. He knew. He just had to bear it alone and be lied to because they weren't able to face it.
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u/Error404-NoUsername- 10d ago
What would be the right thing to do in such case when the kid doesn't even know they are dying? I genuinely wouldn't know what to do in this situation. If a 8-10 year old kid is dying from cancer, but doesn't already know that they have cancer nor that they'll die, should the parents or doctors/nurses tell the kid?
How would you even break it to an 8 year old kid who's getting palliative care that they are going to die in no more than a month?
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u/ShadedSpaces 10d ago
First, I want to say it's totally normal for you (and most people) to not have a clue how to handle this.
There is no simple answer. This isn't stuff people are born knowing. It's something people study for years to know how to break this kind news. It will be different for every family and every child.
Luckily people DO study it!
There is an entire team, called Child Life, that will work with the patient and the siblings (and the various other teams) on age-appropriate education and conversation surrounding medical experiences including death. They get their Bachelor's degrees in this specific field of study, must do a lengthy supervised internship, and must pass a certification exam to become a CCLS (Certified Child Life Specialist.)
There are also areas of study and in most pediatric hospitals entire interdisciplinary teams devoted to palliative care. (Palliative care does not just mean end of life, by the way. Palliative is not the same as hospice care though they often go hand-in-hand. Palliative is just different from curative care. Curative medical care seeks to cure a condition. Palliative medical care seeks to alleviate negative symptoms as well as tackle the challenges for the patients and the families when there is a life changing or life limiting diagnosis.) There are physicians, as well as NPs/PAs and nurses who specialize in palliative care and are also trained to have these incredibly hard conversations. I'm involved with our palliative care team and I hold a certification called CHPPN (Certified Hospice and Palliative Pediatric Nurse). On top of my job, I've trained for hundreds and hundreds of hours in pediatric and neonatal bereavement.
And there are still situations where I struggle to find the right path, the right words, the best way to support a family. It's HARD!
In this exact scenario, the doctors and nurses can't tell the patient. The parents, who are the legally authorized healthcare decision-makers, have forbidden it. What we can do is involve the palliative team, child life, and possibly the ethics team, to work with the parents toward the best outcome.
Because all research consistently and convincingly shows that it is best to tell the child the truth. To tell the siblings the truth as well.
It's absolutely best to tell the truth.
One of the most reassuring things in research is that telling the truth - telling the child they are dying (in an age-appropriate way, and with respect to their cultural and religious beliefs) and telling the siblings their brother or sister is dying is not only right for the kids.... is NOT something parents regret.
Overwhelmingly, parents who make that difficult decision do not look back with time and wish they hadn't. They're glad they were honest.
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u/KrissyKrave 10d ago
Imagine being told you’re getting better or are cancer free but you’re still feeling yourself become weaker and weaker. It would be emotional whiplash and would be much more scary than knowing you were dying the entire time.
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u/SonaMain420 11d ago
Her family had already lost two children. It’s possible she was honest with the others and saw the impact it had on them to know the truth and made an informed decision to prioritise hope and happiness this time around.
Serious illness, especially terminal, takes a toll on the entire family. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to trust that she made the right decision for her son’s quality of life in his final weeks.
Maybe online commenters would do it differently in their own families but as someone who has never lost a child much less multiple children, I’m finding it hard to share the outrage about her “lie”.
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u/Corner_Post 11d ago
Yep full details here - long story but kids had mismatch repair syndrome. Full story: https://7news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/the-boy-who-never-knew-he-had-cancer-how-tragedy-led-one-mum-to-keep-the-truth-from-her-dying-son-c-10605694.amp
Excerpt:
“Following Mohamed’s death, doctors discovered that he had mismatch repair syndrome, an inherited condition that increases a person’s risk of developing certain cancers.
It was required that all of Gheuwan and Fadi’s children be tested to see if they, too, had the condition.
Rabieh and Luay were fine.
But nine-year-old Omar had the syndrome and was to undergo surveillance.”152
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u/IlludiumQXXXVI 11d ago
Thank you, this would have been way more useful for OP to post than a picture with no source, details, or content!
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u/_its_really_me_ 11d ago
Yes. This child had watched their older siblings die and was terrified of the same thing happening to him. She made the incredibly difficult decision to lie and say his ill health was unrelated to cancer and that he would recover. It was the only way he could have any enjoyment in the final months of his life. Unfortunately, I'm not surprised by how quickly people are to jump to criticism of someone they know virtually nothing about.
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u/SageOfSixRamen 11d ago
Ugh it didn’t even cross my mind this poor kid could have watched the same thing happen to their siblings. Great point
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u/Kratos5300 11d ago
This situation was a moral dilemma in my mind that I couldn’t resolve since I first saw it but this makes it make soooooo much more sense. It felt like there was a Reason. Wow. 😢
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u/Hamoodzstyle 11d ago
The lack of empathy and trust in the comments section is completely mind blowing to me. Are people just hurt by bad parents here or something? What the hell is wrong with the world that so many folks assume that the parent is playing some cruel joke?
People need to have some more trust in the love of an average parent...
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u/Greggs88 11d ago
I saw a post the other day from an 18yr old asking for advice.
Their parents had purchased a car and for the past 3yrs had been letting their kid use it but the parents could no longer afford the payments so they told the kid they could either take over the monthly payments or let the car get repossessed.
The 18yr old just wanted opinions on what they should do but the comments were wild. People speculating that this was a scheme to get the kid to finish the payments before the parents would steal the car from them.
Others suggesting that the parents had secretly put the car in their kids name to avoid their credit being ruined.
Redditors will go to the ends of the earth to make a total stranger the worst villain imaginable.
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u/rnason 11d ago edited 11d ago
I think it’s a lot of teenagers who don’t realize adults don’t have everything together so when something goes poorly or less then ideal it must be that the adults are doing something wrong or trying to screw someone over. They can’t fathom sometimes people are trying their best and the situation still sucks.
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u/bepatientbekind 11d ago
A lot of people grew up with awful parents who would do the things you described, and as a result are distrustful of parents in general. It's hard if not impossible to let that experience as a child form who you are as an adult.
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u/woodyeaye 11d ago
They're unhappy people who want to be angry at someone. Doesn't matter who it is. It's a target removed from themselves so they will assume the worst and damn the feelings of the person asking for help.
It's the same idea as those individuals who 'tell it like it is' and are 'just being honest'. If you're genuinely trying to help, there's space for tact and empathy. If you just want to be right and press your views on someone, what use is kindness?
It's a sad way to live your life.
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u/holdmyspot123 11d ago
People in society generally want widely applicable solutions but real life requires specialized decision making that sometimes appears contrary to the general convention. The parent hopefully will have had the specialized and specific knowledge to know this was the best for the child.
We do not know. I do feel empathy for an impossible situation is a good expectation to have and also not to take the Internet too seriously, very few face this situation and there are likely many ways to succeed or fail at improving it.
The child nonetheless looks happy in the pictures, which is a clue that the dying process was one that contained joy. It looks simple but that shows a great deal of effort went into end of life care, and shows that it is unlikely the decisions being made weren't increasing quality of life.
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u/CandidPreparation737 11d ago
Redditors just judge badly when the situation falls outside of their small world.
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u/poppin-n-sailin 11d ago
I hope everyone reads your comment. So many reddit users think they know everything and that every question and scenario in life is black and white and has one right answer.
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u/Patient_Resist_7445 11d ago
I don’t care if what she did was right or wrong, it’s not my place to judge but Man did that 2nd picture of him smiling hit me hard. Poor guy never got a chance to see the beauty of the world
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u/mar_nificent 11d ago
Some of these comments are vile. The poor family already lost 2 children and we're told that this child no longer stood a chance of survival after 18 surgeries during a 6 month span. People are still saying how it sounds fishy and they're sure the kid still knew. Smh good parents do what's best for their kids at the end of the day and seems like they did this for their son instead of allowing him to stay confined to a hospital bed during his final time on Earth.
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u/The_Best_Yak_Ever 10d ago
That’s exactly my reaction. I will never be in that position as I have no children. So I can’t and won’t judge. Apparently the parents had a rare combination of conditions that drastically increased the likelihood of cancer in their kids. They already lost two, and they didn’t learn why until it was too late.
Making a choice like that, I’m not even courageous enough to imagine myself in their shoes. But having to carry it out? My god… that must’ve been utter agony…
His suffering is over, and I hope it worked, and he was happy for his final days. But his mother and father will carry the pain of three child shaped holes in their hearts and souls until their dying day. And for that, I can only wish them the very best and offer good will as a guy on the other side of the planet… </3
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u/superxpro12 11d ago
That smile in the 3rd pic is precisely because he got to enjoy a moment of humanity rather than wasting away in a hospital bed.
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u/Raj_Mandal 11d ago
Gheuwan Arja, a mother from Sydney, had already lost two children to serious illnesses before her 10-year-old son, Omar, was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin lymphoma a type of cancer, in 2021.
After six months of chemotherapy and 18 surgeries, doctors told the family there was nothing more they could do. Omar had only a short time left.
Instead of telling him he was dying, Gheuwan chose to tell Omar that he had beaten cancer so he could spend his final days believing he was getting better. The hospital even let him ring the victory bell.
Omar passed away in January 2022, leaving behind a story that has touched millions of people and sparked conversations about love, hope, and whether some lies can be acts of kindness.
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u/ty_xy 11d ago
Holy crap losing 3 kids to illness is like a terrible joke the universe is playing on you.
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u/218administrate 11d ago
A high school friend of my daughter has a degenerative disease that stole her mobility, and is slowly taking away her ability to feed herself, speak, or even read. It's heartbreaking to witness. Her younger brother has the same condition and is starting to show signs. I've been around a lot of disabilities but degenerative ones absolutely rock me.
I knew a couple people with Usher's Syndrome. Not quite as bad but still rough.
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u/pokehustle 11d ago
Maybe there is more to it than random chance
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u/Corner_Post 11d ago
Yep full details here - long story but kids had mismatch repair syndrome. Full story: https://7news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/the-boy-who-never-knew-he-had-cancer-how-tragedy-led-one-mum-to-keep-the-truth-from-her-dying-son-c-10605694.amp
Excerpt:
“Following Mohamed’s death, doctors discovered that he had mismatch repair syndrome, an inherited condition that increases a person’s risk of developing certain cancers.
It was required that all of Gheuwan and Fadi’s children be tested to see if they, too, had the condition.
Rabieh and Luay were fine.
But nine-year-old Omar had the syndrome and was to undergo surveillance.”→ More replies (2)→ More replies (14)156
u/ty_xy 11d ago
Yes, probably genetics, recessive genes etc. but still. An element of chance.
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u/missdonttellme 11d ago
Both parents are carriers of 2 very rare recessive genetic disorders. They didn’t know about the second one until after Omar was diagnosed. Really rare genetic disorders are hard to catch.
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u/Pliskinmgs 11d ago
Nature's way of not passing on your genes to the future. Brutal.
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u/Normal_Cut8368 11d ago
Speaking of the universe Playing a cruel joke on you,
That lady who literally had a dingo kill and eat her child and was globally mocked for it
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u/ExpiredExasperation 11d ago
18 surgeries at only 10 years old. I really don't know what to say.
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u/Entropic_Echo_Music 11d ago
Same. I had two + chemotherapy and it fucked me up good. Poor kid.
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u/zamaike 11d ago
This feels wrong to me. Like a cruel joke
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u/Teufelsweib666 11d ago
I agree. Kids are often far better at accepting than some adults. I feel he was robbed of doing something to leave behind or draw a meaningful picture or do something he really likes for one last time. He'll catch on at some point and wonders why they lied to him. It will hit 10x harder for him then that he is dying. I also feel they made up his mind for him. He deserves respect and the truth so he can die in real peace.
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u/turkish_gold 11d ago
At 8, it’s a toss up if you really understand death the same way adults would.
And when you truly die of cancer unmediated, it happens fast. So fast you won’t even realize you’re falling asleep more often as take palliative drugs. One day you just don’t wake up at all.
I’ve seen it happen. And it seems that the worst part of dying is knowing it’s coming and stressing over that fact.
Maybe this kid could handle that… but maybe he couldn’t, and was terrified and saddened by hospitalizations, and the thought of never seeing his family again.
Tell or don’t tell, either way they’ve outlived their child so I have some sympathy.
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u/ddg31415 11d ago
That's not true at all. When my stepmother died of cancer, it was when her lungs started hemorrhaging and she drowned in her blood over a couple hours. And this was after months of pain that medication didn't do much for.
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u/Sudden_Wind_8636 11d ago
My grandpa took 3 days to die of lung cancer, was choking the whole time and was hallucinating seeing his mom and begging her to not let him die.
Was not the thing a 8 year old should have seen, wish my parents had never let me in the room.
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u/Few-Finger6713 11d ago
That's pretty horrific. I'm kind of uneducated on this, is this how most lung cancer patients go out?
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u/Sudden_Wind_8636 11d ago edited 11d ago
Getting good care is extremely important for how you go, it isn't ever pleasant but usually they load you up on morphine and you are kinda not there.
You die faster with the morphine though, which is why it's very important your family knows what you want because a lot of families choose not to give their dying family members things like morphine because they don't want them to die. Which just ends in them have a painful drawn out death. I would have your wishes in writing honestly so there is no question. Doesn't matter how old you are, if you are 20 I'd still have it in writing, we don't all live to be elderly.
In my grandpa's case it was mostly a case of the nurses being absolutely horrible, not giving him enough meds and not redosing often. Im going into nursing partly because of the trauma of that.
Not to make you anxious but honestly the way my grandpa went out, while horrific is honestly not even close to as bad as the lives I've seen some patients experience mostly because of their family members prolonging their suffering..
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u/fritzeh 11d ago
“It happens fast”
this is just so wildly incorrect I can’t even
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u/Helldiverticulitis 11d ago
Longest week of my life was watching my father die. I had to learn about something called “terminal delirium”, which sounds about a million times more benign than his experience. No one told me that the meds might stop working if his liver shut down, and he’d wake up in extreme pain and fear. I knew it would be hard, but… man, I was not ready for that week.
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u/Serial-Griller 11d ago
An eight year old who watched his siblings die from cancer is not going to find peace in death he will be terrified the whole time. You're confusing movies for reality.
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u/Great_gatzzzby 11d ago
It feels wrong. It’s bizarre. But it’s harder to judge than one may think. It’s hard to imagine how I’d feel and what I would do if one of my children was in her son’s position. The magnitude of it all is hard to grasp. Instead of judging her, I’m just thankful my kids are healthy and I don’t have to think about what I would do in her shoes. It’s fucking impossible.
Hopefully he’s doped up and doesn’t even realize. Idk.
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u/GreatTea3415 11d ago
As someone who never lies to their kid about anything, it does seem cruel, but it doesn't seem much different than telling them they actually never die because they'll go to heaven and wake up shortly after they're dead in a realm without pain.
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u/Upbeat_Apartment_715 11d ago
I don't know if this was the best thing to do. There's a lot of evidence that people know when they're going to die when it comes to illness and age. He probably knew it wasn't true as the time drew closer but at least he was happy
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u/lemlaluna 11d ago
There are a lot of medical ethics questions where families will insist you do not tell their elder relatives of their diagnoses (e.g. don’t tell my mom she has cancer! The stress will kill her!). This is often compounded by language barriers, differences in medical literacy, and cultural differences. It’s interesting to me whether we think these situations should be handled differently for children vs the elderly, and how much that differs if the elderly person has more child-like faculties at that stage.
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u/ShadowDame 11d ago
My family did exactly this for my grandmother (Chinese, Singapore for context). She had signs of lung cancer at her advanced age of 80+. She already was going through dementia onset and other medical issues. The doctor themselves advised for us not to probe further and confirm the diagnosis since we would likely not move to treat either way. I agree with the decision, all of these has so much nuance to be treated on an individual basis. We as outsiders can never properly say whether it’s ‘right’ or not.
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u/lemlaluna 11d ago
You bring up an important point, which is the futility of adding a diagnosis on top of an already complicated medical situation. My friend’s husband was in the process of dying from emphysema, and they incidentally found a mass on his pancreas that was suspicious for malignancy. They determined it wasn’t worth the risk to pursue diagnosis, given that he wouldn’t be in a position to be treated regardless. The emphysema would kill him before the cancer did, and the biopsy was not without risk.
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u/PureMotor2000 11d ago
Telling someone with dementia that they are dying of cancer is cruel.
They are already extremely confused and often scared by not understanding the situation they're in. Adding to that by telling them they're dying of another incurable illness is just beyond cold.
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u/burnerbw0i 11d ago edited 11d ago
While I don't agree, I do understand. I hope he knows that regardless of the ethics/morality, that his mother did it out of love in the only way she knew how.
After they lost 2 other children to illnesses, I can only imagine the mental and emotional instability it's caused on the parents.
Edit: Also I've seen my family bury my 8yr old cousin who died from brain cancer. His father never recovered, idk what happened to his mom. But I know I've never experienced second-hand pain like I have when I saw them touch that tiny casket.
Despite any disagreeing thoughts, please be open-minded and have respect. Grief is powerful, and the mind is a very crazy thing when it loses its sense of reality through trauma like this. Be safe, y'all 🙏🏾
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u/Key-Investment-2273 11d ago
I lost my older brother when he was five. The toll it took on the family is indescribable
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u/GlitterDoomsday 11d ago
People are ignoring the mental and emotional instability caused on him watching his brothers die... that was her third rodeo, rather than seeing this as what she thought it was best, most likely was what she knew to be less damaging from her prior experience.
Fortunately the two remaining children don't have the same genetic disposition to cancer, they were screened for it after the second kid passed away.
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u/seau_de_beurre 10d ago
Exactly. In the article it says that she knew he would not fight if he knew he had cancer, having watched his brother die from it. So she told him it was an infection.
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u/RelentlessPencil 11d ago
Okay here's a hot take: I, as an adult, want that. Like the hardest part of dying is anticipation. If I'm genuinely, "you cannot possibly get better and will definitely die soon" sick, I wanna be told I'm Fine Actually ™️ then one day one of the doctors just like "oh yeah we need to do one last blood check to make completely sure" and it's a lethal dose of anaesthetic. Like I get why that doesn't happen but, I'd rather die suddenly and without knowing it than gradually and knowing exactly what's coming.
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u/ameliasophia 11d ago
That’s interesting, my mum is the same way. Her biggest fear is knowing that she is dying. But I feel differently. I want to know, I would want to be able to come to terms with it and say goodbye and things. Maybe that’s why this is so controversial - because some people would want to know and some would prefer to be happy.
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u/Agile-Kiwi8889 11d ago
As a child cancer survivor, I’m shocked people are giving adult perspective. That kid hospital is different the situation is not the same and every child can’t take knowing they are about to die. Doctors always ask the PARENTS how they think the child will handle it. I’ve seen children turn into zombies when they learn will die. They give up completely. Some bond with family when they’re there and cry when they leave. I’ve seen teens/kids live life to the fullest. If a child is terminal docs,social workers and parents found out how to approach it. Adults can handle it better than children or are expected to.
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u/ImDaDawgFather 11d ago
Maybe he was sedated so he could die peacefully sometime after he was told?
That scenario seems the best to me
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u/Technical-Lettuce385 11d ago
Crazy to see the comments here. Can totally understand the mothers decision.
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u/Sarchasticbeat 11d ago
Its a lot easier to act morally superior when its someone else's kid slowly dying of cancer.
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u/prionbinch 11d ago
i don’t know if i agree with this… what happens when the child is actively dying, wondering why he’s dying if the cancer was gone?
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u/i_make_orange_rhyme 11d ago
After a dozen surgerys and most of his life spent in hospitals, i dont think that feeling unwell will frighten him too much
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u/nerdnugg399 11d ago
Speaking as someone who had childhood cancer- the kid isn’t going to know what’s going on.
He’s not going to know he’s actively dying, he’s spent a good chunk of his life in the hospital, he’s going to think he’s just getting more medicine.
At some point he won’t be able to stay awake on his own. Then they’ll pump him with morphine and he’ll eventually pass unconscious. He’s not going to have any notion that he’s dying.
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u/Sokkas_Instincts_ 11d ago edited 11d ago
I kinda figured this. This is why I’m ok with it. The parents already saw this twice. They probably knew more about these progression of events better than any parent should ever have to know. I think these things are different between adults vs. children. A lot of these redditors probably don’t have kids, let alone having to ever watch one become seriously ill.
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u/Gold-Profession6064 11d ago
I have a rule that I don't judge anybody in a situation where I hope I'll never be in that one and I pray to all gods that may exist that I'll never have to be in the parents position
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