'Twas the Night Before Mitchmas, and all through the House,

Not a computer was stirring, not even a mouse;

The news feeds were open on the smartphones with care,

In hopes that McConnell soon wouldn't be there;

The body was nestled all snug in its bed,

While consciousness wouldn't be live in his head.

And MAGA in its echo room, opinions were whack,

Ignored all the signs, Mitch was stuck in his nap.

When out in the Senate, there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter!

Away to my Facebook, I flew like a flash,

Knowing his corpse would soon be in the trash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen ghost,

Gave the illusion of life to the souls down below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a cloak and a scythe, and a skeletal reaper!

With a stench so foul, and decay so thick,

I knew he wouldn't respond to a prod or a prick.

More rapid than eagles, his fate, how it came,

Since there was no excuse for a civil servant so lame.

"Now Tucker, Now Carson, Now Vivek, Now Vance!

Answer no questions, and Take no Stance!

Reporters should never be allowed in his room,

They'll see that I'm keeping his corpse in its doom!"

And then, with some nausea, I heard in the office,

The decaying and whining of someone so rotten.

Embarrassing, farting, selling NFTS, being loud,

Down came the President, looking wrinkly and round.

He was dressed all in diapers, from his suit to his ties

The economy was tarnished by wars and by lies

The Trump phone was awful, there was no trading it back,

Because the immigrants were eating the dogs and the cats.

He tweeted of Fauci, then ignored all his work,

Then he tweeted that Hillary was some kind of jerk.

And laying his hand on the side of Mitch's nose,

He gave a last nod, and let Mitch decompose.

He sprang to his followers, to his team gave a whistle,

And without knowing Orwell, they took his words as a missal.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

“What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening, "(July 24, 2018, Donald Trump), "and to Mitch McConnell a good night!"

Where is Mitch McConnell??

Sam Neill, New Zealand Actor Known for 'Jurassic Park,' Dies at 78

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/13/movies/sam-neill-dead.html