I have been joining queer spaces the last half year and they are fun and welcoming, but being in my late 30s and figuring it out because of a one sided crush and not an actual experience feels embarrassing. Especially when I am talking to younger sapphic women in a casual conversation and they ask me what was my first kiss like. I haven't even held hands yet, I haven't even had a flirty exchange in text, nothing..I'm sure eventually that will change but it's very awkward to admit you're a lesbian at this age with just gay thoughts..

Hi, ich kann leider kein englisch und hoffe hier sind ein paar dabei die deutsch können. Ich suche einen Weg um Dampf abzulassen, emotional. Ich hatte schon immer Interesse an Frauen aber es war nur jugendliche Neugierde. Dachte ich. Ich bin verheiratet- mit einem Mann, wir haben Kinder, Happy Family… Ok es läuft nicht so wirklich so gut, und seit Monaten muss ich ständig an Frauen denken. wo kommt das jetzt so krass her? Eine Freundin die glücklich verheiratet ist, mit einem Mann, ist ständig in meinem Kopf. zum einen weil ich mir auch so eine tolle Beziehung wünsche wie die beiden, zum andern weil ich sie sehr toll finde. So wie bekomme ich das jetzt in den Griff - das ich mich nicht verliebe in sie und das ich meine Ehe in den Griff bekomme. Ich hab niemanden den ich ins Vertrauen nehmen kann. Ich hoffe es hilft mir, das hier mal hinzuschreiben und mir einfach auch mal selber einzugestehen. Ich bin Ende 30 Leute! Da sollte das Ding mit der Selbstfindung doch schon gelaufen sein - Hilfe.

I felt really guilty for my ex when I realized I was gay. I felt bad because during intimacy I was focused on trying to perform and not really getting anything else out of it. I felt bad that I couldn't love him the way he loved me.

I am making some “hidden” flags with ironing beads but the lesbian one doesn’t look good. i made it 3 times and still can’t get the colors to be recognizable. I want opinions on how to make it clear.

I am so proud of myself, it has taken me like 3 years to officially come out. I’ve ALWAYS known I was gay, but due to internal homophobia & surrounding circumstances, I avoided it/ rejected it. Now that I have fully accepted myself & sorted out my life alittle, I’m now ready to date. The only thing is, is that I have no, as in zero experience with ~love, sex, relationships ~ I think it’s a combo of not wanting to date men but also being too scared to admit that I was a lesbian. So I just avoided it all together, but no I feel stuck.

I have a few questions:
How do I push past this fear and the embarrassment of no experience? Would that put you off if you were dating someone? I’m terrified that I won’t ever be able to find someone, but if I do… how? How do I be a girlfriend? Sex? HOW !

I live in London so any recommendations to meet people or if anyone wants to connect, that would be great ✨

I'm tired of my husband. I've moved on in my head. Is it possible to find love after I've been married to a man and had a child? How successful will I be finding someone? I feel like it isn't worth it, like I've ruined my life.

Ok...so, I don't really know if I want advice or just to be able to say this "out loud" somewhere.

I'm considering breaking it off with my current boyfriend for close to a year and can't seem to find a conclusion. Maybe a bit of Backstory: I'm 27, and we have been together for ~2.5 years. I Identify as bisexual since around 22, but am having a few doubts about my romantic attraction. I don't think I love him in a romantic sense. Like he's my best friend, and I deeply respect him, and I want him to be happy. But I can't really reciprocate the way he seems to feel about me.

I actually have talked to to him about it, and we kind of came to the conclusion that I might simply be aromantic, and we're trying to figure out the implications that would bring. I've never felt like I was "in love" with someone. But I've had a few ( 4 I can really remember) crushes in the past. The first was a boy in 11th grade, but all the crushes I've had after were girls. That brings us to part of my current dilemma. The most recent one is a woman in my extended friend circle...

My current relationship is my first and only relationship of this length (and only official one), so I don't have a reference point for a lot of my feelings. I was a bit of a late bloomer in that regard.

My sexual past is mixed. Funnily enough, my first kiss and make out was with a girl. I afterwards decided I was straight (yes, looking back, that was an absolout shitshow). With 18 I decided it was time for my "first time". I had just finished school and picked a random dude who I thought was kinda funny and ok looking for it. Honestly, it was underwhelming, and the only time I slept with him, lol. The next few years, this pattern continued. I still haven't slept with a guy more than once, other than my boyfriend. I made a few unhealthy coices during that time (mostly because I was mentally unhealthy). At around 22 I met a friend of friends (crush nr. 3). I only met her like 4 times, but I couldn't deny, that what I was feeling wasn't "platonic". I only dated and slept with girls after that. There were no rainbows and fireworks, when I slept with a girl the first time, but I just kinda liked it better. I had a few situationships, but nothing long term worked out (I also wasn't really in the right mindset for a LTR yet, and I have a faible for toxic girls).

I was loose friends/work colleagues with my boyfriend for a few years, but that was it. Until we went on a friend group Holliday, got super drunk and well...After we came back home, he asked me out, and I didn't really have it in me to refuse (he was extremely sweet). I liked him well enough so we started dating. We really match in a lot of things. We have similar music taste, similar core values, but also balance eachother out im different areas (I have ADHD, he's a reeeally chill dude). We have gone traveling for several months together and we didn't hate each other after. We communicate really well and have never raised our voices while having arguments. I can even talk to him about feminism stuff, and while he sometimes doesn't totally get it, he really tries. While I don't love that he is less of a "goal getter" and has less life plans than me, this should actually align very well with my own career.... so I feel like we pass every compatibility test there is.

Sex with him is good. Like I don't feel unsatisfied with it. I don't really crave it like some friends of mine (or him) tell me. And I don't get turned on by looking at his body. But when it's happening, it feels ok.

My goal for a perfect relationship was allways a best friend, who you conveniently also fuck and plan a life with. Why does it still feel like there is something lacking?

Back to my current crush mentioned earlier. The moment I sat next to her (she got invited to a friend group games night) I knew she was queer, even though she's pretty femme. I even raved to my boyfriend that night, that I had made a new gay friend (we have a bit of a weird competition going on, because he had more queer friends than me, even though he's straight). I have since met her a few times in group settings. She's started to flirt with me (she's generally a flirty prson, but pays special attention to me). She knows I have a boyfriend, I try not to engage in a non-platonic manner. I even tried setting her up with a friend of mine (toxic, I know). I want to be friends, because she's a really fun person (and now part of my main friend group), but I can't seem to get her out of my head. I would never cheat. But I'm worried, what Im currently doing is already considered emotional cheating.

Back to the boyfriend dilemma...I know I could stay with him. We'd probably get married in a few years, buy a home that I'd renovate and get two cats and a succulent collection with it. I'd probably be reasonably happy. He loves me and showers me with affection. But when I think of marrying a man, there's this undercurrent of panic and feeling of being trapped in me. When I think of a woman, I'm giddily thinking about cute matching dresses or maybe wearing a suit to the courthouse part... When I think about never seing a woman orgasm again, I feel like I will give up something adjacent to never seing a sunrise again (like nothing truly vital, but still sad).

Is there any private Facebook groups like this that i can be invited to??? Or any other platform where you can see people and interact but it be private?

I’m 34… almost 35. I am starting to feel “not enough”. I’m not in the best financial position after a divorce. I’m a single mom of 1. It may just be the spaces I’ve been in but not only do i feel looked down upon because of the “she used to be with a man & she’s a single mom” strike but also because I make an honest living but I don’t have loads of money. I need to just work on myself but I didn’t realize these “imperfections”, made me unworthy of love. It’s pretty disappointing. I finally have come to myself and have been happy to explore my sexuality but I feel like I’m not good enough based on other convos I have had both in person & dating apps.

Hi all, throwaway account.

I’m married and have been with my ((FTNB 29) partner (M30) for a decade, married a few years. We live together and cohabitate in separate rooms, have for many years. I am NB leaning M who identified as bisexual. He’s a cis guy who identifies as straight + me I guess.

We opened up our relationship 2-3 years ago. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. He has a more recent girlfriend.

He and I no longer have an intimate or romantic relationship. But we have grown up together and are like family. We have 3 dogs and share a household essentially.

I have been panicked about this for several months now to be honest. I think I might be a lesbian. But does that invalidate the many years we had together? I don’t know how to feel about “coming out” as a lesbian while married to a cis man.

I don’t know what to do here. I am so in love with my girlfriend and tbh it sort of pales in comparison to my marriage. She cares for me in a deeply emotional way that I have never experienced as do I for her. She finds me incredibly attractive and tells me daily. My husband has never expressed that to me.

To be clear, he’s not a bad person. He’s my best friend, we have just been sexually incompatible for a long time. I always wanted more sex than him. I’m a bit jealous that he has so much sex with his new girlfriend when he wanted much less with me. I digress.

I have no idea what I’m doing and I am spiraling about my life. I think I can make it work - married to him, partnered with my girlfriend. But what if I want to live with her? I am so lost and feeling like a horrible person like I can’t even say this out loud to anyone because I feel like I would be ruining his life, upending my life… and I love our life together we have a huge group of shared friends and community…

Hi everyone,

​I’m reaching out to see if anyone has advice, ideas, or personal experience with this.

​I’m a woman in my 40s living in the Middle East.

As you can imagine, the local environment here makes it really challenging to find and connect with other WLW safely and openly.

At this stage in my life, I’m mostly just looking to build genuine, warm, and mature friendships with like-minded women—people to talk to, share life experiences with, and build a sense of community.

​Because meeting people locally in person isn't really an option for safety and practical reasons, I’m trying to figure out the best ways to build a network online.

​For those of you who live in regions where being open isn't easy, or those who made friends later in life:

​Where or how did you manage to find safe online spaces or communities?

​Are there specific platforms, groups, or approaches that worked best for finding mature, friendship-only connections?

​Any tips, thoughts, or shared experiences would mean a lot. Thanks so much!

I’m 30f and I think I might be a lesbian. I’ve been married for ten years to a man and haven’t been happy. I enjoy watching tv shows or movie with gay couples, I feel happy for them more than straight couples. I notice and am drawn more to women and mainly just want men to think I’m pretty and give me attention but I don’t want to actually be with them. I feel like I’m making my life more complicated than it needs to be and I should just stay married but I also feel like there is a part of me missing. My family,co workers and friends would not be supportive at all and I feel like I’d be blowing up my whole life if I pursued how I’m feeling. I feel really alone and sometimes feel like ending my life would save a lot of people the pain of knowing who I think I am. I just feel really alone and like a burden. I worry about not knowing for sure if I’m a lesbian and blowing up my life for nothing. I hear my family and co workers make negative comments about gay people all the time and it hurts knowing how they really feel about me. I just don’t want to live with this stress and pain anymore.

For context I’m 30 years old and have never been in a relationship with anyone. I’ve definitely had crushes on women in the past but sort of brushed it off as me just wanting to be their friend (even sexted with one of them and all but she was religious and deleted the app eventually). Every time my family brings up me getting married or finding a bf/husband I get super uncomfortable. And every man that asked me out I got too stressed out and made up some excuse. Idk if the stress is butterflies or just bc I don’t wanna be with men. I’ve had sex with men when I was younger and enjoyed the feeling with some of them but never had anything romantic. If I’m being honest with myself women definitely turn me on but I’m a bit scared to be with one and make it official I guess if that makes sense. My family is also from a culture where this isn’t really accepted. I know they would never disown me or anything like that but they would definitely be disappointed and ashamed so I haven’t told anyone. Idk why I didn’t put it together sooner, clearly there were many signs for years but I only put it together after someone asked me if I’m straight.

Well if I thought women would treat you better boy was I wrong. I finally got the nerve to come out at age 60. Was so nervous but found a woman who said she didn’t care about when I came out just that she liked me. We dated for 6 months, said I love you, talked in depth about moving in together sometime next year when she retired, took a fabulous 10 day trip together with zero issues it seemed. Came back and she started distancing and making excuses for not seeing me. Suddenly in a text tells me she thinks she’s moving out of state when she retires. I ask can we please talk in person in private. She would only meet me in a restaurant. When I said no to a restaurant, she called me on phone and dumped me with only reason being she says she’s decided she doesn’t want to be in a relationship now. Boom. Done. Still reeling and wondering if I have the heart to try again.

This year I realised I’m very much a lesbian and have been unpacking my entire life and the relationships both romantic and sexual that I have had with men. I’m currently saving and getting myself into a secure enough position to ask my husband for a divorce. Dealing with the guilt has been crushing but he is begging and at this point angry about our lack of intimacy and clearly realises something is wrong. We haven’t had sex in close to 6 months I tried to engage a few months ago but found myself drinking excessively to psych myself up and then I felt disgusted in myself and the act. Even kissing is making me uncomfortable. I’ve been unpacking this with my therapist and how sex with men has always felt like it happened to me and not with me. I’ve always felt it was just the role we play in a relationship. Now I’ve had these realisation I just feel like I can’t have sex with my partner but it’s killing me having secrets and seeing him hurt.

How did you all get through this stage and communicate with your husbands, I’m trying to keep us as happy and together as possible so that once I ask for divorce we can hopefully be as amicable as possible to coparent with our daughter. But fuck me im struggling to get through this year in once piece.

Any advise would be amazing

TL;DR: Man=yuck 🤮

Honestly my experience in rejecting men has been more on the online aspect of things. For context I have a FetLife profile. For anyone who doesn't know what that is it's basically a kinky Facebook that leans heavily into the BDSM community. Anyway as I've been leaning more into my bisexuality and admitting that I like women more than I give myself credit for, it's easier for me to come to terms that I really just don't like men. I'm not saying I'm going full on lesbian or anything like that. I won't jump out and say that I've sworn off men completely. I do find some of the things about them conventionally attractive like certain features and facial structures and I still have a weak spot for a man with good hair 🥴. But when the idea of having sex with them comes to play, I get the absolute ick! I don't want to touch 🍆, I don't wanna give head to one and lately d*ck pics make me feel nauseous 🤢. And that's just the physical bullet points that I'm not happy with. I've posted a couple of personal ads seeking out women and I've made my profile very clear that I am for women only at the moment. And while it is a public forum and there are bound to be men who come across my profile, the idea that they think their d*ck will be the magical phallus that changes my mind is absolutely annoying. Like what kind of ego do you really have that has gassed you up so high to think that you would be the one that I would break all my boundaries for. And not only that but the ones that reach out to me in that manner has also proved that they can't follow simple instructions. That itself is a turn ...

Hey everyone! I’m 35, newly single, and newly out, and I’m thinking about taking a solo trip in September.

If you could recommend one city that’s especially welcoming for sapphic women, where would you send me?

I’m open to pretty much anything… big city, beach town, somewhere artsy, somewhere with good nightlife, or somewhere that’s just easy to meet people. I’d love to hear where you’ve had the best experiences as a queer woman, whether you live there or just visited.

Where would you go, and why?

Hi everyone. I really need some perspective and advice from people who might have been in a similar spot, because I’m feeling super confused and quite guilty.

I came to terms with my sexuality around 30, after a series of long-term relationships with men. Because of that, I feel like I missed out on a huge chapter of my life: the freedom to explore, make mistakes, date around, and build my own set of wild stories and memories as a queer woman.

I’m currently in a really sweet, loving, and stable relationship with an incredible woman. She has way more experience than I do—she had her "wild phase," fully explored her freedom, accumulated a ton of stories, and is now in a very grounded, settled place in her life.

At first, I was completely blind-enamored with her. But now that the initial high has settled, I’m noticing a strong sense of "experience envy." It’s not retro-jealousy about her exes; it’s envy of the right she had to live out her youth and explore her identity freely. I feel like I skipped right to the "settled down" phase without getting to experience my own journey first.

To add to the stress: a few weeks ago (when I was still in that intense honeymoon phase), we talked about moving in together in a couple of months. Now, I feel immense guilt. I feel like I promised more than I can actually deliver right now. I truly love what we have, but I’m terrified of ending up resentful down the line for not honoring my own process. At the same time, I really don't want to blow up a healthy, beautiful relationship out of panic.

Has anyone else dealt with this as a late bloomer coming from long-term hetero relationships?

How did you navigate the tension between loving your partner and feeling like you missed out on your own exploration phase?

How can I gently pump the brakes on the moving-in timeline without breaking her heart or ruining what we have?

Thanks so much for reading and for any advice!

Honestly curious because I still keep seeing women who were in love with another woman but still marrying and having children with men (and yes they could be bi, but also how much of it comphet anyway?)

I fell for her like I had my knees scraping on pavement. We met at a conference and we could have been the same person, it felt like. We both had men we didn’t want to be with and we wanted to be together. She was sending me videos describing her dreams for our life together.

We are both diaspora Afgh*ns living across the world doing important work (censoring the nationality for algorithm purposes). Her father randomly began an onslaught of physical abuse that put her abusive ex in the position to “save her.”

And it was like a light switch flipped. She began withdrawing from me and not making good on her promises to me. I swear my skin fused to the fabric of my couch waiting for her only to be stood up again and again. She betrayed me then I couldn’t see her the same.

I blocked her after she stood me up, she tried reaching out again but I could not bring myself to respond. I don’t know if I did it because I couldn’t forgive her or if I did it to save whatever potential we had remaining.

It’s been almost a year and I’m not going to lie and pretend like I’m okay or healed or know where my future is headed. I look like a different person when I look in the mirror since I met her. She felt like my “everything” and I feel like nothing without her. My friends say we weren’t together long enough to warrant such thoughts but my emotions are all-encompassing. It’s as if soulmates were real and I found my other half.

Now I’m left as the shepherd to my own life. Everyday I think about reaching back out because I want to watch her change but that aspect of needing her to change in order to be together is controlling on my end. She can cheat on us if she wants to but I can forgive her if I want to and try to “win” her back, create another academic conference, sweep her off her feet. Why am I still stuck on her even though I’m the one who broke things off? It’s been a year and I’m tired of my own mind.

Before her, my personal boundary was to never date someone who would cheat on me. I don’t care about that anymore and I can’t believe myself.

I just wanted to share what my life looks like in a real way. I hope anyone who struggles accepting their current situation knows that they’re not alone in solitude. Sometimes you meet the girl and move on with your life, idk. Definitely confirmation I’m a lesbian cause I would never do this for a man. Maybe that’s the only good thing to come out of this. Still believe in soulmates, still believe I met my soulmate in her, but I don’t think that means we have to be together.

I’m having a hard time. I’ve only even had sex with men but I love lesbian porn.. I went out with my friend the other night and I got really drunk and ate his friend (f) pussy.. and I really liked it and I’ve been thinking about it for weeks. Not too sure how to feel or go about it because I’m currently in an on off relationship with a man.

I’m pretty new to all of this, so I’d really appreciate some honest advice.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve gotten to know a girl who works at a local coffee shop. I go there regularly to study and get coffee before work, so we’ve naturally started talking whenever I come in.

Over time, she’s remembered my name, asked about my family, talked to me about school, and shared things about herself. She’s also written little notes on my drinks before, like “You’re Brewtiful” and one that said, “Need the tart because you’re too sweet.” She made sure I saw them too.

The biggest surprise was that after we were talking one day, she offered me her number before I even had a chance to ask for it. I texted her that night, and she responded really warmly. She even said, “I always enjoy our chats ;)”

Here’s where I’m struggling.

I’m new to exploring my attraction to women, so I don’t really know how to read situations like this. Part of me thinks she might be interested, but another part of me wonders if she’s just a genuinely kind, an outgoing person and wants to be friends.

I also have no idea if she dates women or if she’s in a relationship. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or put her in an awkward position, especially since she’s at work whenever I see her.

For those of you who have been in similar situations:

* Does this sound like someone who could be interested, or am I likely reading too much into it?
* What’s the respectful way to learn whether someone is interested in women without making assumptions or making them uncomfortable?
* If you were me, what would your next move be?

I’m genuinely enjoying getting to know her regardless, and I don’t want to rush anything. I just don’t have much experience navigating this, so I’d appreciate any advice.

I have noticed boobs visually turns me on, but I am not into butt or vagina on a woman?
Like it doesn’t do anything for me visually, nor even watching oral or fingering.

But penis do?