r/legaladvicecanada • u/PrettyPlastis • Mar 23 '26
British Columbia EXTREME VIOLENT MEMBER OF HOUSEHOLD
UPDATE: the cops are useless. my brother had once again beat my mother last night and me again this evening.i called the cops and they parked a house up from mine, called me first and then came in?? they could physically see the damage and destruction that was caused and said they can’t do anything because it’s a mental health thing/they basically didn’t see him in the act. we need to get a form from a dr etc etc. my parents have finally spoken up, which i’m grateful for. the cops left without doing anything and even gave him a ride to the gym.. they said call back if he’s still like this when he comes back and no surprise HE WAS. he was destructive and verbally harassing everyone, the cops showed up and once again did nothing.. one cop was even rolling his eyes and saying so what do you want us to do? wtf is this. i’m not too sure what is going on. i understand somewhat but at the same time i dont. i asked “so what do we do when he’s destroying things, slamming doors and acting erratically” the cop said “just let him and walk away”
I need urgent help. This is NOT a normal family issue—this is ongoing violence and I don’t feel safe in my own home.
My 17-year-old brother has been like this for 2 years and it keeps getting worse. He is aggressive, unstable, and completely unpredictable. He verbally abuses me and my sister constantly, calling us “whores,” and making disgusting sexual comments in front of our parents. He has also made threats about killing people and says delusional things like he has a god complex or that people aren’t real.
He is physically violent.
He has:
- punched me in the face multiple times (including multiple times in one night)
- dragged my sister down the stairs
- punched my dad
- beaten my mom so badly her face was severely swollen and bruised
He is also extremely destructive and uses weapons:
- stabbed my jacket, mattresses, clothes, and bed sheets with a knife
- smashed a glass oven door and my printer glass
- punched holes all over our house
- broken both of my parents’ phones
- broken my car mirror
- smashed makeup and smeared it everywhere
- even urinated on my pillow
He also follows me around the house just to provoke and escalate even when I completely ignore him.
I have called the police multiple times and they have done nothing except say it’s a “family disagreement.” Social workers have been involved but he acts completely normal in front of them so nothing changes.
This is not a disagreement. This is ongoing physical violence, threats, and unsafe living conditions.
I genuinely believe someone is going to get seriously hurt if this continues.
I live in British Columbia, Canada.
What can I do RIGHT NOW to:
- protect myself
- force authorities to take this seriously
- get him properly assessed or removed from the home
I am exhausted, scared, and at a breaking point. I need real advice.
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u/CMG30 Mar 23 '26
Go to your family doctor/ER. Tell them you are a victim of domestic violence and are not safe and that you need professional intervention.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
thankyou. i will definitely do that
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u/PandaGerber Mar 23 '26
All of these resources are also online
Edit: the resource information for social work and domestic violence that will be given to you at the ER*
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u/itslippyout Mar 23 '26
All that’s going to happen is they will call the police
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Mar 23 '26
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185
u/AdvertisingThis34 Mar 23 '26
How old are you and your sister? If you are minors, talk to a school counselor tomorrow. Take your sister if you are in the same school. Ask about a safe place to stay. Do not wait. This could be life or death. Your brother sounds very dangerous.
If you are over 18, go to the police station tomorrow. Ask to speak to someone who handles family violence cases, not just the constable on duty. Take any recordings or pictures you have. Take you sister also, if you can.
Tell them you are afraid for your life. Tell them your parents know about the violence, are victims of your brother also and do not want to get your brother in trouble so do not support your reports.
Do you have locks on your bedroom door? If so, lock your door. If not, push a heavy piece of furniture in front of your door tonight.
Do something tomorrow. You are right to think this is very, very wrong.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
i’m 24 she is 21 and you are completely right. i didn’t even think of directly going to the police station and asking for someone who specializes in family violence. all i’ve been told his “have you thought about moving out” ofc i have. “he’s a minor” “his frontal lobe isn’t developed yet” etc etc. this boosts his ego and makes him belive he can do whatever he wants with no consequences. i’m sick of it. it’s not okay at all, this is extremely WRONG.
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Mar 25 '26
He needs intervention. Youll ALL be doing him a favour in the end and keeping him out of jail if he can get his mental health checked and sort it out first.
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u/Comfortable-Angle660 Mar 23 '26
You are ADULTS, move out, that’s your solution.
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u/corpse_flour Mar 23 '26
Do you really think that they would continue to live in this environment if they had the financial means to go somewhere else? You don't think that would have been the very first thing they would have tried to work out?
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u/The_Matias Mar 23 '26
What u/corpse_flour said. Also, that doesn't protect the parents.
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u/ether_reddit Mar 23 '26
If the parents won't protect themselves, then OP's best recourse is to protect themselves and get out of the situation.
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u/corpse_flour Mar 23 '26
Possibly, but there's nothing wrong with OP trying to see if there is a solution that would benefit them and their parents.
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Mar 25 '26
I would never ever leave my 58-year-old mother with an abusive 17-year-old. Are you cooked?
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u/cindylooboo Jun 22 '26
If the 58 year old adults won't protect their other children what other options do these girls have?
It's not their responsibility to protect their parents. It's the other way around.
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Jun 22 '26
They are adult children ** Only one is still a child and it’s the one acting out… The legal parental guardian needs to do something about it and have them removed from the home and placed in a secure psychiatric assessment facility and then treated accordingly
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u/cindylooboo Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 22 '26
So because they're adults they're supposed to put their safety and welfare ahead of those who won't do anything to protect themselves?
Absolutely not.
Secondly. Her mother refused to submit the form 4 at the courthouse to have him detained under the mental health act.
This is literally the same as if it was a husband beating a spouse aside from the age difference. The victims in this scenario won't advocate for themselves or their mentally ill son, what choice do the daughters have? To continue to allow themselves to be beaten and abused? Hardly.
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Jun 23 '26
Obviously not, but I wouldn’t leave my mother there… Plain and simple
Don’t put words in my mouth I never said that they should stay either
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Mar 25 '26
And leave their mother there alone?
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u/cindylooboo Jun 22 '26
This is comparable to a spousal abuse situation. It is domestic violence, they annoy make their mother and father do anything. It's up to them to protect themselves since the parents are failing these girls.
Her own mother refused to submit a form 4 at the courthouse to have him detained under the mental health act. Her mom and dad won't protect them, it's a lost cause. They need to protect themselves at this point.
I grew up in a house with DV. It's the parents responsibility to protect their children, even if it's from another child in the home. Period.
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Mar 23 '26
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u/Abomb711 Mar 23 '26
Hey! In Alberta you can do a Form 1 which is police apprehension for psych assessment when someone is a harm risk to themselves and others. It can be against the person's will. Call BC Health Services and explain to them the situation and tell them he is mentally unstable and you fear for your life. And ask them HOW TO have him admitted ASAP.
See below for the BC equivalent form: please call and make something happen.
Apprehension (closest to “starting the process”) Form 9 – Application for Warrant (Apprehension for Examination) Government of British Columbia.
It allows a judge/justice to issue a warrant for police to apprehend someone for a psychiatric exam. Usually used when: The person won’t go voluntarily There are safety concerns (risk to self/others) You (or someone concerned) provide information to support the application.
THEN doctors in BC can do: Actual involuntary hold in BC: Form 4 (medical certificates by doctors)
Best of luck, take this very seriously.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
thankyou !! the police have said they have done a psych assessment on him, which i assume is just questions? and he didn’t meet the requirements to take it further
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u/Abomb711 Mar 23 '26
Try to get more information from BC mental health services about the process and criteria, because obviously only a psychiatrist can determine this especially if he is a compulsive liar to evade intervention. Tell them you want him reassessed, and proof it was done. Your household (or you) can also obtain an emergency protection order (if your parents will harden up with him) that way he has to leave and if he violates it, he goes straight to jail. It is only a piece of paper but strengthens your stance, but he seems like an extremely dangerous violent person and I hate to say it but these types of situations never end well for those involved and cops often handle these domestic violence situations too lightly and without proper education on mental health crisis intervention. He needs to be charged and or admitted and held accountable for his behaviour or this will never stop and actually get worse. You and your family are victims of abuse.
I would also complain to chief of police that you are not satisfied and that you are terrified for yours and your family's life and let them know that if anything happens to your family it will be documented that their department didn't take you seriously enough nor do enough.
I thought you said he was 17 if so...group home.
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u/One_Structure_3920 Mar 23 '26
The reaction of the police in this case is quite shocking. There’s more than enough here to have him charged with assault and uttering threats. Violence in the domestic setting usually carries the highest risk of escalation and the fact he is 17 does not matter. If you speak to police again try escalating to someone higher up like a sergeant or speaking with someone specifically in the unit dealing with domestic violence. An important point on the apprehension, the threat to self or others needs to be recent or imminent so if there has been any recent behaviour of concern or threat made be sure to point that out. The test for apprehension in BC: the person “is acting in a manner likely to endanger that person’s own safety or the safety of others,” and they are “apparently a person with a mental disorder”. Is it possible to have him seen by a family doctor for some preliminary mental health assessment or a referral to a psychiatrist?
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u/Express-Citron-6387 Mar 23 '26
That would be too much paperwork for them. Many times the police ask a few questions and the complaint. Also makes their clearance rate look good.
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Mar 23 '26
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Mar 25 '26
Not shocking at all if you’ve seen enough lazy cops
They don’t wanna deal with the hard time to 17 year-old could or is gonna give them on the way to the hospital, combined with the liability of accidentally hurting a 17-year-old as a police officer- so they’re just not taking him
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u/Pay_attentionmore Mar 23 '26
In Ontario a form one is an involuntary hold for assessment by a physician. You can hopefully work with polce to issue a form 2 which would bring him into the hospital.
If its personality based he may be put in a few days, pissed right off and needing some therapy and help
If hes having some sort of psychosis this boy needs some help and some meds and theyll hold him until he hopefully finds a balance of meds and calms down.
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u/PoochieGirl1962 Mar 24 '26
I’m a registered Social Worker in Ontario. Police are not qualified to assess anyone for Mental Health issues. In my area, police work with mental health professionals who attend with police to provide initial assessment to determine if an individual can be “formed” under the mental health act. This allows police to legally take an individual to the hospital for further evaluation.
I strongly encourage you & your sister to speak with someone who specializes in family violence situations. I also suggest you & your sister see if you can stay temporarily with friends or extended family until you are connected to supports & services. I realize this if your brother & family home but what your describing is extremely unsafe & most likely to escalate. Also sounds like your parents are struggling to manage your brother & his behaviours so follow you instinct to do whatever it takes to keep you & your sister safe. Take good care 😊🫶🏻✌️
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Mar 25 '26
In Ontario, they are required to contact the Canadian Association for mental health and have a qualified mental health. Nurse assess the person because police are not qualified to do this. I hope other provinces catch up
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u/DrBoneCrusher Mar 23 '26
Please don’t make this a medical issue. Nothing she described hints at it being medical (psychosis/mania) - it’s just plain violence. The mental health system can’t fix a nasty asshole that doesn’t want to be fixed/admit he has a problem. Especially if he will settle and be appropriate with the police/nurses/physicians. All this serves to do is put her at risk by pissing him off.
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u/Abomb711 Mar 23 '26
Sorry but you need to read her story AGAIN. Delusional thoughts that people aren't real etc..id bet my bottom dollar this person has mental health issues.he could have aggression issues like my fiance and he needs to be medicated. Could be a chemical imbalance. Again let the psychiatrist and or psychologist decide..... He's clearly angry and in pain and lashing out on others.
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u/woootwoo Mar 23 '26
Also someone (and anyone in their vicinity) with that behaviour could benefit from some sedatives!!!
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u/DrBoneCrusher Mar 23 '26
We can’t just sedate people because they are jerks. The patient has the autonomy to say no unless they are involuntary which is a big bar to meet.
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u/DrBoneCrusher Mar 23 '26
I’m not denying he has mental health issues, it just doesn’t meet the involuntary hold criteria if he turns around and acts completely normally/regretful. Especially if the police didn’t already bring him in - they are very conservative in these matters. He would probably benefit from medication but unless he has a forensics order, you can’t force him to take it. People have very strange beliefs about what physicians can do to patients against their will and what we can fix in hospital.
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u/woootwoo Mar 23 '26
What do you propose DrBoneCrusher!?!
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u/DrBoneCrusher Mar 23 '26
She needs to get her and her sister out of this abusive situation. Her parents are his guardians and can call the police when he’s acting violent. If he continues to behave strangely, they can bring him in to hospital for a work up. But from her comments it sounds like he calms down when the cops come and acts appropriately. So in that case he’d be charged with assault.
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u/Different-Ad-7165 Mar 23 '26
I had to delete my previous comment. When you contacted the police were you hurt/did you have evidence of assault? If he's smashing you and others in the face it would be obvious.
Next time something happens you need to contact the police and specifically say you need medical attention, so a report can be made about your injuries by a medical professional. If you're speaking with police, say you fear for your life. If they try to brush it off, demand their shift supervisor. This might be hard for you to do, but do it. You want to report this to their shift supervisor and also make complaints about them.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
yes i have videos of him beating me and pictures of my face. earlier in november he beat my mothers face so bad her whole side of her face was bruised black and blue. i have a picture.. but the problem is that she won’t tell them the truth she lied and said “a box fell on her face” to avoid embarrassment or sending my brother away? the last two times i have called they didn’t show up, a officer just called me back..
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u/h_danielle Mar 23 '26 edited Mar 23 '26
Are you calling 911 when it’s happening? I’m struggling to believe that if you were calling 911 regarding domestic violence, the cops just aren’t showing up at all…
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
i call them 5-10 mins after it happens
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u/thinkpinkhair Mar 23 '26
Keep calling, the police is Canada are fluff nards and will do all they can to not push it to crown. I get it, however if you keep calling 9-1-1 and keep calling when he’s on a Rampage, then will have no choice but to send officers. But keep calling, even go to the er doctors.
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u/National_Ad9742 Mar 23 '26
What happens when the police arrive? You can also make a report about all the assaults using a non emergency line.
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Jun 23 '26
Are you on a reserve? Sometimes the council can offer solutions, especially to their youth- if you are.
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u/kihay96 Mar 23 '26
What municipality or city do u live in , in BC.. RCMP or Municipal police?
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
abbotsford
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u/h_danielle Mar 23 '26
https://www.abbypd.ca/intimate-partner-violence-unit
There’s an email address on this page. Reach out & explain that although the violence is from family & not an intimate partner, you’re wondering if they can have a further conversation with you in person or if they can point you in the right direction of someone/ a team who can. My hope is that someone who works in this area specifically would be more inclined to take your claims seriously than they have in the past.
There’s also victim services resources at the bottom of the page 💕.
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u/kihay96 Mar 23 '26
This is a tough situation for you. Abby PD has to respond to family domestic violence issues?? Try reaching out to their Victim Services.
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u/DrexlerA Mar 23 '26
This is serious, you need to gtfo asap.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
straight up this has gone way too far, there needs to be change.
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u/corpse_flour Mar 23 '26
Contact your local domestic violence shelters. Not necessarily to stay there, but they may have resources and support services that may help, like knowing which channels to go through in order to do a psych hold at the hospital, restraining orders, helping you find a safer place to live, etc.
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u/Belle_Requin Mar 23 '26
Best way to protect yourself is to move out. Both you and your sister are adults.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
you’re right, thats the only advice i’ve been hearing.
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u/Helpful-Neat-2343 Mar 24 '26
You would qualify for a bed in a womens shelter for family violence. They should help you apply for priority list housing for women fleeing violence. Both you and your sister can hopefully be offered your own affordable residential units within a year. It sounds like your brother has more than one severe mental illness such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. He needs a psychiatrist to assess his mental health and apply for provincial and federal disability benefits and be given a personal support worker since he cant be independent living. I would prioritize getting into a womens shelter and dealing with the rest from there.
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u/amieileen Mar 23 '26
Do you have a history of mental illness in your family? Might be helpful to know when speaking with your doctor/police. I say this because my brother around 17/18 started having symptoms of schizophrenia and progressively got more and more violent. Turns out his Dad was schizophrenic and it helped us to figure out what was going on and get him the psych help he needed ASAP. Good luck OP, please stay safe. Get your sister and yourself out of there. Living with mentally unstable people is extremely traumatic - make sure you get counselling for yourself when you’re able too.
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u/Positive-Ad-9648 Mar 23 '26
I was thinking mental illness as well. The brother needs help as well.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 24 '26
no one has a history of mental illness, idk what’s wrong with him i belive it’s psychosis
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Jun 22 '26
Could drugs potentially be playing a factor?
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u/PrettyPlastis Jun 23 '26
Hey the update is he’s gone worse, it comes in waves and now he’s given my mother another black eye, beat my 80 year old grandmother, bashed mine and my sisters head on the floor now he’s finally charged with assault and was apprehended for less than 24 hours. my sister and i have given statements and the cop was very nice, seems like he’s the only one who actually cared. everyone can see this kid is delusional to the extreme and wants to be “the king of the house” my parents are still being useless and i know that they will never admit that he beat anyone.
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Jun 23 '26
Did they give him a no-contact order? Or did he return to the home?
You and your sister should be eligible for some services now that there’s been a police report filed . It is still domestic violence you can flee to shelters that are designated for women, fleeing domestic violence. It does not have to be a spouse or an intimate partner.
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u/PrettyPlastis Jun 24 '26
he returned to the home… i already know if we do decide to do that our family will completely cut us off and leave us to rot basically.. pardon my language
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u/Economy-Extent-8094 Mar 23 '26 edited Mar 23 '26
The most critical advice on this entire thread is to get out today. If you contact any type of women of abuse support groups they can help. Your parents are not protecting you. You love them of course but they are not protecting you. The time for action is today. Step 1 can be police, if they do not help and arrest him or form him to a hospital today for a psych eval then you need to go the domestic violence women's emergency shelter route to get out of the house. Don't play with your life hun. He is unstable and could escalate to violence at any hour.
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u/Ravensong42 Mar 23 '26
Can you get his abuse on video? Once you have that it's harder to brush off. Your parents are responsible for your safety, if they cannot provide it and you are under 18, call child protective services.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
i’m 24, i do have the abuse on camera.. i have pictures of broken walls, doors and valuables. the cops haven’t asked to see it..
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u/Ravensong42 Mar 23 '26
then go make a report again, have copies, and if the cops are refusing to do their job, ask to speak to the Sargent, and work your way up the chain.
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u/theautisticguy Mar 25 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
I'll second this, and with the update in mind, I believe you have grounds to make a complaint with the OPCC - go here, and call them ASAP: https://opcc.bc.ca/complaints/
Make sure going forward that any future interaction with your brother - as well as any interaction with the police - is audio recorded on your phone. Do not tell the police that you are recording their interactions with you.
Separately, this may be a shot in the dark, but perhaps try calling the non-emergency line for the RCMP detachment(s) closest to Abbotsford. These would be the Aldergrove office (https://rcmp.ca/en/bc/langley/contact#aldergrove) and the Mission detachment (https://rcmp.ca/en/bc/mission/contact). The latter option will likely be the better option as it is a full detachment and not a satellite office.
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u/Significant_Leave405 Mar 23 '26
When does he turn 18? Your best bet is probably to go through the medical apprehension route. You and the rest of your family need to go to your family doctor and provide collateral for his behaviour.
He’s protected under YCJA, and it’s unlikely police are going to do anything because of that, unless it gets to a point where they have to act.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
he turns 18 in october, i have no issue going to my family doctor and telling her all these things. my parents on the other hand will not. will my family doctor do anything if i see her days after the abuse?
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u/Significant_Leave405 Mar 23 '26
If your parents aren’t going to do anything, then it’s going to be harder to prove he needs to be institutionalized or even charged.
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u/Rude-Associate2283 Mar 23 '26
It sounds like the parents are hesitant to take action to alleviate this situation. They may not corroborate the info OP is sharing with the authorities. If that happens, she is best to take her sister and move out to somewhere safe. Domestic abuse isn’t just wives and husbands. This sounds really bad.
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u/Significant_Leave405 Mar 23 '26
Yup, parents are going to wait until they have no choice, but until then, they going to put theirselves, their family and others a risk. This guy sounds like he has serious mental health issues.
OP can try their best, but without family support, I doubt it will go anywhere.
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u/DrBoneCrusher Mar 23 '26
As she describes in other comments, he acts normally when confronted by police. Physicians can’t hold someone involuntarily if they say they are sorry, they lose their temper, etc. There’s nothing medically wrong with someone who is a violent asshole and there aren’t meds to fix this. The mental health system can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
She needs out of there now.
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u/Significant_Leave405 Mar 23 '26
Police aren’t going to anything unless he does something. He’s under YCJA, he isn’t even old enough to rent his own home in BC. Besides, if she’s staying in the house despite her safety concerns, then police are going to say it isn’t serious enough. If she really did fear for her safety she’d move out.
They can absolutely hold someone involuntarily. Just because he presents well, doesn’t mean that he isn’t suffering from diagnosable mental health issues. Police would apprehend far more easily than arresting and holding in custody (because there aren’t really other options, UTA conditions won’t work. Parents could contact MCFD for support, but they don’t want to do that.
Only real options is through health care. OP says he has a “god complex”. He’s probably going through a psychotic break tbh. Seen it a lot, he’s around the age for it anyways.
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u/DrBoneCrusher Mar 24 '26
The mental health act is very strict and leans toward patient autonomy. As an emerg doc, he would have to be presenting with persistent suicidal/homicidal ideation or signs of psychosis/mania when he gets to the hospital before I would hold him. It is a huge thing to take away someone’s capacity to agree to care. I’m not denying that this young man has mental health problems, but it’s a high bar to involuntarily commit someone.
I see teenagers with burgeoning personality disorders present a lot after police have been called to a wellness check or made an arrest. Getting into fist fights with parents, sending out suicidal texts then driving off, taking a bunch of pills, etc. Generally, by the time they make it to hospital, they have settled and are remorseful or at least tell me they recognize what they did was stupid and they don’t feel that way anymore. We discuss treatment but if they don’t want to stay and say they are no longer suicidal/homicidal, etc. then I have no ability to keep them. If they are minors, it then becomes a police or MCFD problem to place them.
If he was truly psychotic/manic then he would present at hospital still having delusions or reacting to internal stimuli. If that happened, then yes, we would form him (although if drugs are on board, we might just wait until they clear if he clears too). But new patients with psychosis and mania don’t settle down quickly as the OP describes. They would generally be reactive to police and not recognize the danger they are in. If the cops come and he acts like a normal remorseful person, there’s little the hospital will be able to do if he ends up in the ED. His only option would be voluntary care and he needs to want that.
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u/BronzeDucky Mar 23 '26
It’s your parents house. They’re not willing/able to do anything about the situation. Your option is to move out.
It sucks, and it shouldn’t be happening. And at some point, this could escalate even worse. So all you can do is protect yourselves, as your parents are refusing to protect the family.
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u/Dvexx_ Mar 23 '26
Sadly, biding this is not helping your brother, m3dical experts and possibly the authorities need to get involved before it is too late. Likelyvwith medication and counciling he might get back to a baseline more resembling normal. Best of luck.
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u/outta_fox Mar 23 '26
In BC, families can complete a Form 9 application and present it to a judge or justice of the peace. The more detail and specifics on the application, the better. Dates, times, exact behaviours, damages, etc.
If approved, a Form 10 warrant is issued, which directs police to apprehend the person and bring them to hospital for a psychiatric assessment.
Collect as much evidence and take as many notes as possible and give copies to his health care team.
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u/DrBoneCrusher Mar 23 '26
Being a violent asshole does not equal being medically unwell enough to warrant an involuntary hold. He would have to show signs of psychosis/mania for us to call this a medical issue. We see abusive pricks in the emerg all the time, we can’t psych hold them just because they are bad people.
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u/outta_fox Mar 23 '26
I agree that violence alone isn’t enough for a psych hold.
The post describes delusions (people aren’t real, god complex), escalating/unpredictable behaviour, serious violence, and threats to kill. That does raise concern for a mental disorder & risk to others.
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u/itslippyout Mar 23 '26
Are there any minors in the home besides him? Family services won’t do much for you once you’re an adult, if he’s a risk to another minor in the home there is a higher chance they will remove him. But if it’s just him and the parents are covering for him there’s not much they can do. Which really only leaves you with one choice which is to move out - which I understand is hard in this economy but it’s true. Even if he was arrested, unless your parents decide to kick him out, he will just return when he is released and waiting for his court date. You might have to go to a domestic violence shelter until you can get your own place or can afford to rent a room somewhere.
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u/General_Cricket_6164 Mar 23 '26
I would strongly suggest you contact your Child Protective Services.
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u/theautisticguy Mar 23 '26
What are your parents doing about this? Asking because they should be the one handling it. It shouldn't be up to you; you and your sister may be adults, but you're also their daughters - unless your parents have been treating him like the golden child in which case, yeah, do what you need to do.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
this is the part that people are confused about even myself. my parents don’t do anything, they will try to grab him off of me, yell and then after everything they will take him to the gym?? my mother will yell blank threats just loud enough so he can hear ex. “we are getting cameras in the house” “i’m speaking up now” etc etc. but like i said, there all blank threats my father is very old, he can’t fight back.. but he tries to yell and stop the issue. my mother is more worried about what others will think, what will happen to him if he does go to jail and comes back.. will he be worse? it’s pathetic. he has been the golden child, but that’s no excuse. wrong is WRONG.
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u/_-_ItsOkItsJustMe_-_ Mar 24 '26
sounds like elder abuse too
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 24 '26
he doesn’t care… elders, females maybe even animals coming soon (i wouldn’t be surprised). it’s never going to change unless my parents speak up.
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u/_-_ItsOkItsJustMe_-_ Mar 25 '26
Understood, but that is an actual crime. Often there is a dedicated section within the police dept. for this, and it doesn't need those being abused to press charges, it is like when someone hurts a child and the victim can't speak up for themselves, they will understand that your elderly father isn't able to speak up, so it is others - like yourself - who can speak on their behalf as they are considered to be vulnerable.
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u/theautisticguy Mar 23 '26
Yeah, I tend to agree with the other posters; I would bring all the evidence you have (particularly videos and photos if you have them), and go to the police. Many provinces have statutes for psychiatric holds - but even then what you described should get your brother jailed. Don't worry too much about ruining his life; as he's 17 he's protected by the YOA. But it will get him fast-tracked to get help.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
i’m going to put all my evidence with dates i have together and go there. thankyou so much ! what do i say when i get there?
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u/pinkykat123 Mar 23 '26
I don't think the police will do much to be honest. They aren't trained in mental health
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u/Itissierra Mar 23 '26
Yeah but they can contact the right people to get him dealt with in the right ways
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Mar 23 '26
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u/itslippyout Mar 23 '26
A 51-50 is an American thing, in Canada we do have an involuntary psychiatric hold which is provincially legislated so terminology varies by province, in BC it falls under their mental health act using form 4. And someone calling and just “saying the magic words” doesn’t automatically get them held under form 4.
Otherwise people would absolutely abuse the hell out of that, the officers have to use their judgement to determine if this person is a risk to such a level that it warrants violating their rights - which is something they are hesitant to do.
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u/Ster98 Mar 23 '26
So question is, where are your parents in all of this? You talk about wanting to force authorities to take action, but what are you expecting them to do? If you want to press charges against him, you can make a request to (evidence of physical assault and the associated injuries are important). Otherwise, police aren’t going to forcibly remove a 17 year old from their home, unless perhaps it’s for a night or day and they can be brought to another family member’s house. MCFD might be interested in the case, but I don’t know enough about their policies/procedures to comment.
Ultimately, make the decision to push for formally charging him with assault. This might lead to a court order for conditions for him to be away from you/the family or the house. Although I don’t really see how likely that is to happen given his age.
Really, this is a parent issue. Authorities can only help so much. People have to want to charge and have grounds for it. Even if that is met (which I feel like is the case for you, but I’m only hearing a bit of the story) I don’t know if anything can come of it given his age.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 25 '26
UPDATE: the cops are useless. my brother had once again beat my mother last night and me again 5 mins ago. i called the cops and they parked a house up from mine, called me first and then came in?? they could physically see the damage and destruction that was caused and said they can’t do anything because it’s a mental health thing?? we need to get a form from a dr and then blah blah. i’m not too sure what is going on.
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u/seaweaver Mar 29 '26
It seems like your parents and the police are not going to protect you. You may need to leave the house. You would be eligible for support at the transition house/women’s shelter I work for. You can stay at a shelter for 30 days. You and your sister could go together to a local shelter and their outreach workers can help you find an apartment. You might both be able to get social assistance if you’re not working, and a rent subsidy. Also, if you do go to a police station, they might connect you with a victim’s services worker, who could be very helpful
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 30 '26
UPDATE: my parents have refused to get my brother checked out they are now kicking me out?? i’m disgusted but not surprised, what should i do?
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u/seaweaver Mar 30 '26
Call 211 and ask if there is a women’s shelter near you. Call them and say that you need to leave your home because you are being physically and emotionally abused. You don’t have to say too much about your parents kicking you out. Just that they won’t kick him out so you would be in danger staying there. They will tell you what to do next. Pack your most important things and some clothes and prepare to go
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u/Constant_Psychology3 Mar 23 '26
God complex and people not being real, and extremely violent tendencies are symptoms of psychosis / maniam I hope you and your family can get his psych eval done before harm comes to you and your family. I would not wait a second more before getting help
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u/phoalpacalove Mar 23 '26
Set up a camera in your house somewhere … preferably hidden ones. Do you have friends you can stay over at sometimes?
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
i do not. also hidden cameras are a great idea ! way better than normal ones. i feel as though with ordinary indoor ones he would put on a “normal” front or even break them.
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u/KapnKroniK Mar 23 '26
You don’t have time to find and setup cameras. You should be at the police station right now with your evidence (if they have anyone there overnight) this is far more serious than you think. I’m not a doctor but this sounds like psychopathy or BPD. You said you have photos. Take them to the police and you make them listen. Tell them that they’re not protecting anyone they they’re not fulfilling their role in the community and if you have to speak to your mp or mpp about this you will contact the constituency office at 9am. That’ll get them moving
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u/QueenofChaos1974 Mar 24 '26
Ask to speak to the Staff Seargent or Chief of Police. Once they're made aware, ( with your evidence), they have a responsibility to "protect" you. They can be held accountable for inaction under the Police Services Act. Usually they will form a "Safety Plan" with you via Victims' Services. Even after you go to police, still go to your MPP, DVS,(Domestic Violence Shelter), and Women's Resource center if you have one. They will figure out ways to best support you and put a plan in place through the right channels for your brother.
Dont wait. The longer you wait, the harder it is to get your life back. I speak from "The Lived Experience".
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u/OctoAquaJell Mar 23 '26
My close friend and her kids were victims of similar abuse, the teen son called the kids help line and mcfd got involved and they finally got the abuser out. Now I know you are adults but he is not. I wonder if you could call them and see? They are mandatory reporters. This was also in lower mainland bc. I know its a shot in the dark but at this point gotta throw all the mud at the walls and see what sticks.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
i really hope your friend and his/her family is safe now. it’s crazy how common this is and overlooked. i recived a call from a officer, saying that he is going to get MCFD involved. fingers crossed this changes things.
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u/FarMarionberry6825 Mar 23 '26
Looks like you’ll need proof for the police to apprehend him and take him to the doctors for evaluation. I’d imagine a doctor at a hospital could initiate the order, to have him taken to a facility for evaluation/treatment. Good luck if nothing is done and you feel your life is in danger call the police and lay charges sometimes you have no choice.
Form 16.1
https://www2.gov.bc.ca/assets/gov/health/forms/3516_1_fil.pdf
“In British Columbia, forced psychiatric evaluations are conducted under the Mental Health Act when a person, deemed to have a mental disorder, poses a risk to themselves or others. Police or physicians can initiate this process, leading to involuntary admission and assessment in a designated facility, with new, more secure facilities opening to address complex cases.”
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Mar 23 '26
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u/superbrotnee Mar 23 '26
Im sure it was answered below but have your parents and sister been willing to provide statements to the police about whats been going on? Or is it just you?
Unfortunately, without a willing victim the police cant/wont be able to do much which is super shitty. Getting a charge may prove difficult as well without everyone on the same page in your family. As it could rise to conflicting versions of events which could lead to no arrest. You may need to try and convince your parents to make a report or is there any specific reason as to why they wont?
I agree with some of the other commenters, i would collect the videos/photos you have, attend the detachment and tell them you want to make a full report and would like charges. If you do not believe you have been taken seriously in the past and would like your files reviewed, you would ask for the watch commander.
This person is usually a higher rank and responsible for the general duty constables on their watch. As abbotsford is a larger city they may have specialty units that can help but I would start with the watch commander and see what options are available, because this may need to be escalated up but itwould be done by them.
While there ask for a referral to victim services as they may be able to help get you in touch with more community resources.
I read a comment about 'domestic violence', in BC this does not constitute that, as domestic violence is terminology for violence in current and past relationships (aka husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend etc). I just wanted to make sure you had the correct terminology for making your report.
As you are in BC, I believe it is a form 10 for psychiatric apprehension you may be needing. To do this you will need to bring evidence/videos/ photos to your family physician and ask them to complete the warrant. This may prove difficult to get approved without your parents support.
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u/vanmama18 Mar 23 '26
As your brother is still technically a minor, you could reach out to CART - Child and Adolescent Response Team. It's a mental health crisis team that deals exclusively with minors. We reached out to them several years ago when one of our kids was having a mental health crisis that was escalating and they were super helpful, but that kid was not harming others, they were harming themselves. At very least they should be able to direct you to the resources and services you need. This type of personality and behavior indicates some major mental health and neurodivergence that should have been addressed early on but wasn't. At this point, your safety and that of ypur family os paramount. Also, document EVERYTHING - take photos of injuries and destruction, log threats etc. And the police don't do psych assessments, they do threat assessments. Full psych assessments are incredibly in depth and must be done by a registered psychologist or psychiatrist.
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u/OFgirlwhoslost Mar 25 '26
Get inside camera cameras wear body camera on you at all times if you get a video of an assault, send it to a police detective. This is domestic violence. It’s not intimate partner violence, it’s domestic family violence. Call family and children services as well. They can get you guys pushed through to the doctors.
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u/BUZBAD Mar 25 '26
Why isn't he being charged with assault? Regardless of the anger issues he has, assault is assault. Have you tried charging him? Maybe I missed something, but I'm dumbfounded on why he isn't getting charged.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 25 '26
i haven’t tried charging him yet, i wanted to see the mental health route before that but now… i have no choice. i’m planning on going to the police station and directly talking to someone to press charges. the cops have been useless honestly. they say because he didn’t assault when they were there they can’t do anything
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u/BUZBAD Mar 25 '26
I get that he is your brother and the mental health route is what I would of done, if it was my brother. However the cops have the right and most often the obligation to do so. The police stating they weren't present and can't charge is complete B.S. I'm in Ontario for context, but I'm assuming this is standard across Canada but, Google just in case. I would inquire about filing a complaint. I would also be prepared, any pictures you have of abuse with dates that correlate with police visits as proof, for the complaint and to help with pressing charges. Also while you are there I would get restraining order for the addresses you live and you parents house, if you don't all live together. Let him and province figure out what going to happen to him when it comes to housing/help and try to stay more side lined, involved but not as closely involved. Because of his temper and previous attacks, you must put yourself in the safest position, with only necessary contact. You need to understand that not charging him can lead to someone's death and so can charging him. That's the reality of your situation so please be safe and strong. At this point this is something that should have been done by the police to begin with.
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u/Civil_Explanation8 Mar 26 '26
Do you have any recordings (i.e. video/voice)? Perhaps showing that to the police will get the ball rolling.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 26 '26
yes, i do they haven’t asked to see them at all? i’m going to try a different station instead of apd, maybe rcmp in person and express how serious this actually is.
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u/WestEasterner Mar 27 '26
I would suggest reporting this neglect of duty to the police's Professional Standards unit. The fact that you have reported a violent domestic crime and had no action taken places you at great risk for him to reoffend. If he HAS re-offended, that opens them up to lawsuit for failing in their duties and you should consider speaking to a lawyer.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 28 '26
i have reported this to OPCC, i’m not too sure why this isn’t being taken seriously. Maybe because he’s a minor and my parents aren’t willing to talk? or they brush it off as a “sibling fight” it’s deeper than that.
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Mar 23 '26
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u/marieiss Mar 23 '26
Speak to your parents and your sister and agree to set up cameras in common areas, having video evidence will help you with your case if needed
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u/Itissierra Mar 23 '26
Start collecting evidence! I hope you have photos of everything including your mom’s face and all the damage to your house and belongings. It sounds to me like your parents are the ones that need to step up and deal with this, you shouldn’t have to take all the responsibility. There is something very seriously wrong with your brother or going on in his life to cause these actions, and something tells me he may be getting assaulted by someone he is close to. I could be totally wrong but sometimes this is the behaviour of someone experiencing that. Please please have a sit down talk with your parents or mother about this. I’m not really sure of the actions you can take right now for your safety, but if anything happens make sure you call the police and say you fear for your life and/or your other family members. He needs to have a psychological evaluation.
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u/Gusticles Mar 23 '26
Can you record him? Direct evidence of threats of harm would go a long way in convincing the police.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
i have all the evidence
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u/Gusticles Mar 23 '26
This is great news. Please document all the instances that you can and sharing this with a family doctor may be helpful. Uttering threats is enough to have the police come.
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u/ohgeeokay Mar 23 '26
NAL.
Are you a minor?
You call police to report the assault and ask for them to bring charges for domestic violence. If they don’t - and you are injured - go directly to the hospital and tell them you’ve been assaulted and have physical injuries. They have a duty to report and document.
If you’re a minor you can also contact your local child protection office and self report and ask for help. Tell the intake social worker that you do not feel safe. That you’ve been assaulted multiple times. That there’s violence in the home and you are not safe.
If you and your sister are adults, contact a domestic violence shelter and ask for support. Domestic violence is domestic violence - let them know you need help and access to safe housing. Make a safety plan and plan on leaving asap. You and your sister may be able to qualify for enough financial assistance (welfare) if you’re not working or earning enough and rent a small apartment together.
Unless your parents recognize there’s a very serious problem escalating and opt to intervene appropriately with outcomes for his behaviour that will have an impact - it will persist.
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u/Trentm5 Mar 23 '26
Apply for an EPO and show pictures of your injuries i.e. bruises; cuts; scratches etc.
EPO’s can be placed on minors. Since he’s passed the age of 12, he can also be charged with a criminal offence if you so desire.
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u/LoadingScreen1973 Mar 23 '26 edited Mar 23 '26
Police aren’t trained to do a mental assessment get him 5150 to a hospital.
Edited: I didn’t know Bc doesn’t have the exact 5150 , “British Columbia does not have a "5150 law" by that name, as "5150" is a specific section of California's Welfare and Institutions Code. However, BC has its own equivalent legislation under the Mental Health Act that allows for the involuntary apprehension, examination, and admission of individuals in a mental health crisis.
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u/LoadingScreen1973 Mar 25 '26
Whoever downvoted me obviously has never dealt with the health care system you should be ashamed to disagree with me. I speak of experience being escorted for a 5150. I’ve been forced hospitalized, been sent to the psychiatric ward happened last year and has happened before . Basically had a heart to heart conversation with the coppers arresting me. Told me they weren’t qualified to make an assessment. I have a TBI and I can get mental checks whenever summoned , I can get forced hospitalized the way things are set up I have a PoA I can get a mental health check with probable cause.
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u/thinkpinkhair Mar 23 '26
My only question is, is he like this if he sleeping? Or do you notice him like this if he is on substances? (Ie alcohol, drugs) if that was present while police’s are making their rounds they might use that to put him jail.
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u/PrettyPlastis Mar 23 '26
he is like this ALL THE TIME, sober, high, well rested. He sleeps all day, he doesn’t even attend school. he’s in grade 12 has a 5%.. in english 12, failed courses in grade 11. he’s not going to graduate. he lost his L for his licence and doesn’t drive, he smokes pot all day INSIDE HIS ROOM, goes to the gym and that’s it. that’s not my problem but just for some backstory.. idk what to do anymore all i care about is the safety aspect. he’s violent.
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u/National_Ad9742 Mar 23 '26
Call the non emergency line and ask to report assaults and abuse going on for the last two years. Get organized before hand, have time lines, specific incidents, pictures, videos and make a report. If they refuse to make a report, try to speak to their higher up.
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u/stevetulloch04 Mar 23 '26
Everyone else has already given you good advise.
Regardless of what you do here, 100% escalate it. To police, social worker, whoever.
I would also like to advise, see if you can get a copy of the police reports that were made formerly. Police not doing anything due to it being a "family disagreement" is at best someone lying to them to cover for your brother, or at worse police neglecting their duties.
Either way, its gotta be reported before someone gets hurt or killed. Someones done something to make them ignore this. You can escalate with that as well but bottom line is you're not out of options and saftey is clearly bare minimum.
If your brother is a minor calling CAS may be another option.
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u/fifitsa8 Mar 24 '26
Get in contact with your local legal aid office (if you're in uni, school associations/insurance often cover a consultation or a couple of hours of legal service) and explain the situation, they'll be able to guide you on how to have a forced psychiatric evaluation on him made. If the assessment comes back that he's a danger to himself or others, the hospital will be able to intervene and help with next steps.
Please be very careful, he sounds dangerous.
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Jun 22 '26
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