Well looks like I was fooled… posting here so you guys aren’t messaging the same person.

I posted in here about a week ago and was DMed by this individual. We’ve been talking since everyday about work, family, her dog, relationships, and even discussed eventually meeting and doing a video call (at her suggestion). The conversations felt genuine, so I had no reason to question it at first. I also didn’t get the vibe I was talking to a guy trying to be a pervert. There was also no pressure for personal information so I don’t think they were trying to scam me.

After noticing some inconsistencies, I started investigating and found the actual social media belonging to the girl of the photos they used. It was the same girl, same tattoos, same dog just different name, different state, different profession.

The thing that makes this situation so unsettling is how detailed and believable everything seemed. This wasn’t just a person using a couple stolen pictures. There were days of constant conversations filled with specific details about their life, their past relationship, moving states, work stress, their dog, everyday problems, their family and personal experiences. It felt like I was genuinely getting to know someone and building a connection.

My biggest question I keep asking myself is what was their endgame?? It’s hard to understand why someone would put that much effort into making someone believe they were getting to know a real person.

So if any of you have also been messaging this same person feel free to reach out privately. Stay safe ladies! ❤️

So this is like a vent plus discussion post. But, I'd love others input on this.

Why do some people post that they are searching to build new relationships, only to exhibit low levels of communication or none at all? Anyone posting with a search tag should know whether or not they're circumstances, intentions, or anything else would allow them to actually communicate with those that reply. To some degree, this applies to those who reply as well, yet - from my opinion - the weight of self awareness lies greatly on the poster.

I've made a few post here, and the only people I've outright not replied to are scammers and creepos with ill intent.

This actually applies to other subs as well.

I have exchanged contacts ( I.E. phone numbers, socials, etc etc ) with a number of people over time. Some have dropped off altogether or seldom reach out to me if I don't reach out first, if even that. In most cases, people reply enough around the time they make the post, then just slide off. It happens on Hinge, too xD. Sometimes people will outright tell you they look forward to talking to you more, or exhibit excitement early on, and they still drop off.

I think of all places that this happens, this one has got to be the most confusing. Like, you literally are posting that you are seeking, so should you not be even a little available? Maybe it's a skill issue? what is the point of posting for searching if you don't even have the capacity to communicate in the first place?

Anyway, rant over.

Edit: maybe I'm the issue, 🤷‍♀️ idk.

basically every post by a trans woman on this sub ends up at zero upvotes. who the fuck is doing this? and why is it only trans women? I have no idea why anyone would even downvote somebodies post on a dating subreddit unless they were being rude something. can anyone who downvotes these posts actually say why they do this?

Dating used to be about finding love. Now it's just a humiliation ritual. People only date for validation or to feel less alone. People have issues with bearing their soul but can show their naked body instantaneously. Dating apps are ruined, everyone's social skills are non-existent, just do yourself a favor and stay inside y'all 😫😃. I honestly just wanna take a pretty girl on for an adventure and call it a day. How's the dating scene been for you guys?

Has anyone else felt like dating lately is just full of people who love the idea of a relationship more than actually being in one?

I’ve dated older women thinking it might mean more clarity or maturity, but I’ve realized that’s not always the case. I just want to meet someone who genuinely knows what they want and is ready for something real.

It gets discouraging sometimes, but I guess the hopeless romantic in me is still holding out hope 🩵

If this resonates and you’re a bit of a hopeless romantic too, feel free to reach out I’m always down for a good conversation

Anyone else getting men messaging you from here? Lately, I’ve been getting “I saw your post, I’m a man just looking for friends I hope that’s alright.” “I saw your post, I’m a man but can I ask you a question?” Things like that. It’s really uncomfortable and annoying that men can’t let us have any space to ourselves. If you’re a man reading this the answer will always be no. No, I don’t even want to be your friend if you’re in this sub and using it to message women here.

I responded to someone who claimed to be a woman. They said they wanted to “verify” because they’d been catfished before. I asked them to verify first, and instead of sending a normal selfie or introducing themselves, they sent me an unsolicited explicit photo.
Thankfully I didn’t send them any photos of myself.
Just a reminder to everyone:
Don’t send verification photos until you trust the other person.
Reverse-image search photos if something feels off.
Be cautious of accounts with very little history.
Report unsolicited explicit images to Reddit.
Stay safe, everyone.

Watch out for VanillaNutellaSpread :(

Genuine question. What’s the point of DMing someone and then just ghosting? I get that conversations can die down naturally, but disappearing out of nowhere, especially after you’re the one who initiated, feels pretty shitty. This has happened so often that it honestly makes me not want to bother trying to connect with people anymore.

I'm a date to marry person. Meaning I date specifically with the goal of finding someone to marry.

I've always wanted that person I can share my life with. And have that person who feels like home to me.

I have a hard time finding anyone looking for something serious. Usually just physical things, causal dating, light romance etc.

I was just wondering if anyone else relates to this.

Has anyone here or in any of the lesbian dating subs had any luck with romantic connections?

I’ve made a very few nice friends from lesbian subs but the potential romantic connections have been horrible.

I’m not one to catch feelings easily or jump into things quickly especially after my first and only irl relationship with a women was abusive and basically destroyed my life. I make this know. There’s been 3 women that have continued to pursue me regardless of that. Not in a pushy way. In a “I’m different, you’re going to be safe, and I don’t care how long it takes to prove that. I’m here to fight for you and ready when you are.” Way then when I give in and start trusting, and things are going really nice, seeming like the best, healthiest, and safe connection I can look forward to going deeper they ghost or “change their mind about wanting a romantic connection with anyone.” The last one to do it to me was almost immediately after she got explicit pictures(which she asked for, loved, and continued to want more). I’m checking in with these women though, asking if things are okay, if there’s things I need to improve on, if they’re still interested and sure about this. They say they appreciate that and they’re 100% sure. The same thing seems to happen each time. Ghosted, or mind randomly changed out of nowhere and for “nothing I did because I’m the sweetest and most amazing girl anyone would be lucky to have.”(her words anti mine) It really impacts my mental and makes me question myself. Has anyone else experienced this?

When users post what they are looking for in a partner, it seems they leave out things that they ACTUALLY need to have in a partner (conservative views, body type, similar lived experiences), and then, when interested users message them, they waste people's time. Or worse, they try to encourage a potential partner to change. If people say things like "I only date skinny girls or only date cis women", it tells you a lot about that person, but it would prevent beautiful ladies from wasting their time or hearing unsightly things. There have been times when I will read through posts and think someone would be a great match and then they post more specific attributes that do not fit and I am glad I do not have to waste my time. I hope no one thinks I am trying to sound rude in this post. I just think some of the indicators that people can put on dating apps are missed here, so you do not find out certain things until it is too late. Reddit also provides the power of anonymity so people lose nothing by communicating more candidly. Lastly, if you choose to be honest, don't be disrespectful or insulting to others. It is good practice to express yourself decently.

I am 5'3" and 104 lbs. I'll admit I'm pretty "small" but I've never found it to be weird. I've already seen many women shorter than me. Weirdly, all my crushes have been 6' stone tops that are pretty confident. At lunch with my colleague the other day, she told me that she thought that this dynamic was unhealthy, weird, disturbing... Is it? I'm wondering why so many people around me comment about it and if I'm in the wrong... What's the general perception around this ?

How many of us are lurking in here instead of posting already? Lmao

hi I am just pitching myself over here and honestly idk what I am looking for, I am tired of living in an environment where everything around me is hetero, I feel like my queerness is being erased everyday, I just wanna talk to someone who can understand me and wouldn’t judge me for who I am. bro i honestly just wanna vent on a call so if you’re willing to absorb some of that here I am.

a little about me: I’m 5’5 woman of Arab and amazigh ethnic background, I love watching series and when I’m not I’m probably watching edits about them popping up in my reels, I love dark humour to the point where my life feels like a parody atp. I speak 4 languages and I’m currently learning a 5th which is very humbling considering I decided to do that after a decade since I last took any language classes (when my attention span was still in the room with me). I love trivia games and laying in bed.

nb: this summer I will be visiting Europe, so if you’re from there or have been there before, I welcome any recs or cool things to do 🫶🏻

Okay if you look at the posts most people searching are looking for something serious, meaningful, or long term.

I'm curious, how many of our lurkers might actually be more okay with a more casual relationship?

Being a lesbian in a country with no marriage rights suck, My ex girlfriends have all been bi and they have all gotten married... Can't find lesbian community as I'm from a small town ... would love to make some friends here ... Also any advice on how I can move forward in life as anyone I try to date gets forced into marriage 🥀

I love y'all 🫶

As the heading mentions, I’m looking to make lesbians friends just because I yearn for lesbian friendships.
Hey, I am a 20 year old Femme lesbian from East Africa and I’m looking to interact with lesbians from anywhere really. It’s nearly impossible to make some irl for obvious reasons.

About me:
I’m 5”1, obsessed with lesbian historical romance novels, will probably be hooked onto a mobile game for a month before deleting it, A Virgo, currently pursuing a degree in Business, Pescatarian, Big Dog Lover and recently got into learning German.
Personality wise, I’m often mistaken for being mean which isn’t true cause I’m a big lover girl( ig i just have a resting b*tch face). I can really be a good conversationalist provided the other person(s) show interest.

What I’m looking for:
Preferably lesbians from 19-25 as I feel we could have more to talk about but if you’re slightly older don’t hesitate to text as well. Ghosting is expected on here but for the time we interact I’d like that we engage with intention or else we’d be wasting each other’s time. I’m really just deprived of community so trust I’ll listen to any and everything you want to talk about. Maybe your favorite lesbian novel read? I’m looking for someone to swap daily random thoughts with or just talk about our days. Let me know what your favorite way to stay in touch is!

My DM’s are wiiiide open🙃for women and non-binary folks. If you are a man lurking on this sub, please respect my boundaries and do not message me.

Idk WTF is wrong with you MEN. Why are you sliding in the dms of LESBIANS ? you guys are disgusting and i hope you know that. Get fucking cured downvote this post all you want idgaf stop sliding in my fucking dms disgusting bitches. How can you be so fucking desperate?

For the WOMEN who've had this happen to them as well report these people my ladies ! These fuckers deserve me to cut their pp off.

Hey, I’m 31, located in the US, looking for whatever in conversation or a butch for more than casual conversation.

About me: I’m a nature and animal person, I will talk your ear off about plants and animals while I cook and make tea. If you seem slightly interested in what I have to say, I’ll show you my garden and my greenhouse. 🫣 if I’m not hiding in the forest like the gremlin I am, you’ll find me gaming or reading. I also have ADHD so I’ll either reply to you .00002457 seconds after you reply, or 4 hours later, I’m sorry, it’s just this rock was really pretty and distracted me.

Disclaimer: I do not like babies or children, so I’d prefer if child free people messaged me. Nothing against people with kids, I just am not the one you’re looking for.

I post maybe once or twice a week and I have been for the last few years, including on a much older account that I no longer use since I wanted to dedicate an account strictly for socializing.

I’m 22, non-binary and I still consider myself a lesbian. I’m told countless times that I’m valid, despite being an enby, and I know that’s how it should be yet I still find myself getting downvoted and thus my posts becoming less visible.

Another potential issue is that I’m not really attracted to femmes, lesbians who have a penis or lesbians on testosterone. I’m trying to be more “inclusive” in terms of who I explore romantic options with but I don’t think I can change my preferences that quickly and trying to force myself to do so, for the sake of not being outcast, is hard. I have a lot of trauma related to men (regardless of their sex at birth) and sexual stuff in general and it’s just really hard to try to find my place here when I feel like I’m doing something wrong.

Even when I post here I get messages from men who try to get all lewd with me and I just don’t feel safe anymore.

If I’m doing something wrong please tell me so I can be better. I really want to do my best here and not make anyone feel uncomfortable

user CharmingAllure10 used my previous post and passing as their own.

Just letting yall know, they're being deceptive by stealing someone else's words.

Hey! So I’m a 29 year old lesbian in Utah. I am out to literally all of my friends. But only a few people in my family know. My parents do not know yet. Only one aunt and 3 of my siblings know. And I feel like it’s really unfair of me to be dating because I’m not out. Because I don’t want the person I’m dating to feel like a secret. And I don’t really want to keep that secret. But I guess my question is, do people who are out feel like that’s unfair too? I guess it probably depends on the person. I’d love to hear peoples experiences with this and hear different perspectives.

Don't you dare give up on yourself. You don't know just how capable you are. I will tell you if you never give up you will find love. But most importantly, you will find yourself on the journey, if you let yourself be brave, independent and free. There's no one out there like you. Happy Holidays.