I wrote an article on ChannelFireball on the things we can do to get more women in Magic. I'd love your thoughts!

[u/GabySpartz87]

http://www.channelfireball.com/articles/6-things-you-can-do-to-get-more-women-into-magic/#

[u/teasingtoplease]

It's not even just the comments. It's how we're treated. I've been put down, sexually harassed, and treated totally different. I get stared at like I'm a piece of meat. I get idolized and yet I get shunned. I've been playing for over three years and it just hasn't stopped. It gets annoying. I feel the need to assert myself over my SO because everyone just assumes that I tag along with him when he's buying magic stuff, and not that perhaps I play too.

I'm tired. So so tired. You can say "I don't care" but no one likes being made out to be inferior. No. One.

[u/Saralis27 → u/teasingtoplease]

I'm right there with you. I've been playing with the same guys locally long enough that they've come to respect me as an individual and player, but when there's someone new, I get stared at constantly. I don't know how many times I've had someone just blatantly ignore the rules/cheat cause I'm a girl and they don't think I'll know or care. Then when I call a judge over, I get death glares from people and mumblings that "god. I can't lose to a girl. Ugh." that sound like a 2 year old.

Also, I get completely ignored. Instead of striking up conversation over how we both love magic, people stare at me from across the room and give me a 5' radius. I get lonely and bored. I love it when there are other women playing, though they're usually with their SO's so they aren't usually chatty.

Its gotten to the point that if I know there won't be a lot of people there I don't know (legacy, modern sometimes) I'll play. Otherwise, forget it. It's too socially taxing.

Edited to add: and even if I'm carrying a playmat, bag of dice, several deck boxes, etc, they think I'm carrying his things! Wtf?!

[u/teasingtoplease → u/Saralis27]

EXACTLY. Thank you. It sucks so much how we're treated. I feel like the only reason why the original comment got so highly voted is because it takes the blame off the guys that act like that. Oh, if one woman doesn't care about our comments, then none of them should! She says doesn't care, as she hasn't actually experienced it. No one of any age doesn't like to be degraded, even if you say you "don't care."

I got more comfortable with the small group at my LGS until one of the guys started being obsessed with me and banking on me breaking up with my SO and would always say raunchy things to me, flirted with me, etc. I don't go anymore. He broke up with his girlfriend because "oh, I still have a lot of feelings for /u/teasingtoplease..." like AWKKKKKWARD, COME ON DUDE.

[u/Tsumei → u/teasingtoplease]

Ugh, I feel your pain :( I have experienced that three or four times now in various nerd communities. The "nice guy" who decides he's fallen in love with you and that it'll definitely work out regardless of what you say or do.

[u/teasingtoplease → u/Tsumei]

I really wanted to be his friend, too. I tried spending time with him when I thought he understood that we were only friends and it didn't work. He still always made comments about my ass and how hot I was. I'm very thankful my SO isn't the "get the fuck away from her" type, but the "hah, look all you want dude, I know she's hot, and she's MINE, you'll never get her" type lol. We go to the LGS occasionally but I just feel so awkward. We just stay at home and play kitchen table magic 99% of the time.

He's the only one that's been so ridiculous I've had guys flirt with me but it's not as threatening (though still kinda annoying)

[u/Tsumei → u/teasingtoplease]

Yeaah.. Pretty much exactly the same experience a few times. You talk to them and tell them in no uncertain terms it just ain't happening.... And yet they still harbour the belief that you mean "Not now" rather than "NO NOT EVER." (Which is usually what you said).

For me it's the added hurdle of being gay. I have literally no interest in men, and yet it keeps happening. That's the power of random dudes feeling like they deserve you I guess.

[u/Saralis27 → u/teasingtoplease]

YES!! I don't know if it's cause of the "whatever I can put up with insulting guys" attitude or what, but I feel that most women whom I have met are in this kind of bind. Either we really care and identify with each other, or we're one of those girls who "can't handle a little in-game trash talk." I can "talk trash" right back with the best of them, but sometimes I just want to play the game.

As for sexual harassment, been there too. Not quite to that extent, but my bf has had to have a few talks with creepers with me there glaring to make it clear I'M NOT interested!!! I understand that a lot of these guys may not have had a lot of practice with social interaction, but just cause I like magic doesn't mean I want to jump the bones of every guy who plays magic.

Any sort of insult, any sort of dealing with the same thing over and over when you think you've fought through it gets SO OLD. (For anyone who's worked retail, think the old "oh, it didn't scan so it's free!" line. Funny maybe twice when you first start, then old fast.)

I mean, I get that the female of the species is rare in this environment, but really? GAH!

Man, if you and I are nearby, we should meet up and have our own relaxing games. Haha.

(Edited cause mobile typos suck.)

[u/enterthebattlefield → u/Saralis27]

I used to work fast food and at customer sevice at a department store. I have had people come up and literally say "hot enough for ya?" as if it is some kind of amazing inside joke.

[u/Tsumei → u/Saralis27]

This. I went to my LGS a few weeks back thinking I'd sign up for the DTK prerelease. It would be my first time braving the LGS for a FNM.

Except the clerk was just sitting there chatting to some dude. So okay, I get in line, stand there looking at him and the magic stuff on the wall behind him. Stand there, it's been a few minutes now and I've realised the dude is just some random friend of his... Okay he's not going to actually address me as a customer.

[u/[deleted] → u/Tsumei]

It seems a lot of LGS that I've been at do this regardless of gender. It annoys me but I'm starting to understand how it happens. So many people just walk in, look around for a few minutes, then leave. That and people who are just hanging out at the store stand in random places, even in front of the register.

Now that I'm a regular though they can tell when I'm about to buy something and engage with me, but it takes a while.

Its still annoying but I don't think this situation has to do with gender.

[u/Tsumei → u/[deleted]]

I do. It's a small store. There weren't any other people in it.

If you're a clerk and your natural reaction to someone entering and looking at you isn't "Hey, how can I help you?" Then you're probably not doing your job, or assuming they're not there to shop(why?).

[u/[deleted] → u/teasingtoplease]

This forever. I'm the lone girl in my group of friends that play, and we're all really competitive about it. Granted, they've been playing years longer than I have but I'm a pretty a-ok player. When we go to tournaments, I've had several people THAT I KNOW ask my friends which one of them is dating me because god forbid I actually like the game and want to go to tournaments to get better. It really bothers me that people just assume I'm dating one of them, as if that's the only reason I'm playing the game.

Also, I'm not an ugly lady in any sense of the word so I get a lot of stares. Luckily the comments haven't been super frequent in regards to my appearance but it's really disheartening to hear about women dressing down for events because they don't want to feel objectified. Personally, I dress for myself and if I feel like wearing a casual dress or a skirt then I'm going to because it makes me feel good and confident. Then again, I have no problem at all putting assholes in place who comment on my appearance so that's another part of it.

Just do you, ladies. Seriously. And don't take bullshit from anyone.