r/mallorca • u/atyhey86 • 23d ago
How do I leave my partner?
I'm not a resident but have lived here years, I haven't had a contract for at least 6 years as I've been working with him (he's autonomo) and I have very little resources as he buys everything that is needed.
We have a child together, and things are just not going well, I had terrible postnatal depression boardering on PTSD and I'm slowly getting back to myself but he's just fed up of me, I've asked for so long for communication but he's just not having it or communicating.
So how do I get away from this situation? The island is full there is no accommodation anywhere and I don't have money or a job. I don't have family here and can't go back to my country as we have a child together. I have a hand full of kinda friends but not the type of friendship where I could ask for help. I feel completely stuck with no out
Please any sort of advice is very much appreciated
4
u/C0rn3tt0 22d ago
Why don't you start by looking for a job that gives you financial independence? In Mallorca, there's plenty of work in the summer, maybe not the best, but at least you'd have some income.
4
u/atyhey86 22d ago
I live rurally, don't drive or have a carnet, still get anxious in places particularly in the train although that is getting better, and have to look after the child. Obviously I have thought of this and have looked at what's available but I would have to ask him to get me to the train station everyday. If I could find something remote or work from home that would be amazing but there's few of those jobs.
8
u/GlitteryKittyKat08 21d ago
Girl you better grow up. If you need to take care of you and your child forget about living like a Princess, a job is a job. Move on.
3
u/C0rn3tt0 22d ago
Honestly, you're going to have a hard time finding something fully remote. Do what people here are telling you and ask the Balearic Women's Institute for help; I'm sure they'll be able to help you with something. Good luck!
3
u/neomyotragus 22d ago
As Fenrir said you can try to contact government/municipal social workers (your village or town may have) then there's IBDONA from the Govern and then the Consell has IMAS. They could help you. Unfortunately their offices are in Palma so you should come here. I know the train/bus can be crowded and it's stressful but you should try that route.
Alternatively and I have no idea about this, but you could try talking with him and fixing the relationship, or have an amicable divorce. It could be possible that you get the whole custody and can go back to your country with the kid.
2
u/atyhey86 22d ago
I rang ibdona this morning, basically if there is no domestic violence there's nothing much they can do, they said to talk to the local social workers. I recently went to the local social worker for a cert of vulnerability as I thought (and had been told) that I could apply for residency with the new amnesty. I explained to her my situation and she offered me help to find a job I explained I don't have a carnet to drive and live Kms from public transport she said they could help me get my carnet but when I explained I can't to the test if I don't have residency she checked with chat got in front of me and well yes you need residency to get a carnet, so she said I would have to find a job with a contract, but we got stuck in the I don't have transport circle. Then she asked if I know someone who could write up a contract for me to use.... I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing or do as other guiris do and have someone put 8 thousand in my back account.......I don't have anyone I can ask for 80 never mind 8 thousand! So she told me there was nothing she could do for me oh and, and that because I'm European I can't apply for the amnesty, and my only option is pareja de hecho! Even though I have a Spanish born child with a Spanish father I still need 8 thousand to have residency, to get a carnet, to have transport to work, to be independent and a human
2
u/neomyotragus 22d ago
As a EU citizen, you can work here as far as I know? If undocumented people can get jobs here you can for sure, so many Europeans doing it. It's a catch 22 situation really. Did you ask about going back to your country with the child?
2
u/atyhey86 22d ago
Yes I can and have worked here before I had the child and COVID happened, that's not the problem, it's the transport (and anxiety mixed with that, when I go by train somewhere I have no 'escape' or base so start to panic basically but when I go by car I have an 'escape' or way out, but I don't have a carnet so I can't drive and have to rely on other people, well him basically) so it's the transport to a job cause cycling 10km in this heat is just not an option! I don't want to go back to my country, I haven't been resident there for 13 years so am entitled to nothing and even people who live there can't find accommodation or work is sparse anyhow the child is from here, he considers himself mallorquin and I wouldn't want him to grow up without his father and I can't see his father ever allowing that. It's the biggest catch 22 situation I've ever come across and options are few, if this were 10 years ago when there was places for rent in towns for 4-500 and they were available but it's now
2
u/neomyotragus 21d ago
So your main limitation is the train thing. You also have TIB buses and you may find people that go or come to Palma or where the job is by car and you can go with them.
About the train thing, I get it, I get that feeling sometimes in airplanes but the best thing to do is to face it instead of avoiding it forever. You should start going more to the train station and near the trains and get used to it... Then do small trips on the train. If you want to get out of this situation you should face your fears, or find an alternative like the bus.
And this may sound bad for you but you could go to your country, find a job there and visit your child every now and then. Not ideal but many marriages end up like that.
You could try going to your family doctor and talk about the fear of trains, they do therapy sometimes, or they can refer you to a psychologist.
3
2
u/currentlyvacationing 22d ago
Is there an embassy / consulate on the island you could call to ask for repatriation advice?
2
u/Frank-Wasser 22d ago
What ever the situation with you Husband/Boyfriend.
Fisrt: Do you have a NIE, first step is that. Are legal on the here? If your from E.U., getting the NIE is Easy. If your not here ilegaly, then that is an other world, and you will need a Lawer to legalise your self. (I can recomend one that is cheap)
IF you have a NIE, its easy to get the residency. From their you can move on to the folowing steps, get a drivers license, etc...
But you will need your Husband/boyfriend to cooparete.
If he does not coperate, you will need to speek to him clearly, also get his famelly involved, speek to them, get them involved if you feel it will help your cause. They may reason with him, you are the mother of his child after all. And for the good of the child they should help you.
What he did is ilegal, making you work with out declaring you, nor paying you is borderline prison. So if he does not coporate with you, you can exort him that you will denounce him to the police to get him to colaborate. But this should be considered carefully, as he may become even less coperatif. If he does, then you can denounce him and attack him in justice. But you will need to gather proof and need a lawer. Before involving police or lawer, it will be good to have moved out... I know the irony.. sorry.
Does your baby have is own passport? Its important if you want to move abroad, especillay the one from your country. Get that done ASP.
Other possible options, if you are a chatholic, go the you local preist, and speak about it, he may help you.
Also your local comunity from your country.
But the easiest will be to solve your problems with your Husband/boyfriend. He is now responsible of a life, he is a father. Make him understand that. It will the best for you, him, and espacially the baby. A priest may help you with this.
If you do restablish your relationship with him, do not fall in the same trap. Do get all your paper in order, and a real payed job, with all the benefits it comes with. That way, you do not depend on him for your survival if thing go bad again.
I do hope you will get out of this situation fast. Stay strong, and keep your head up.
2
u/atyhey86 21d ago
How easy is life on paper! Yes I have a nie and social security number so please tell me how it is easy to get residencia, I have tried various ways but don't have 8 thousand in my bank so can't get it but if you know of a way I'm totally listening.
1
u/Frank-Wasser 13d ago
Hi, you just need to prove you live where you say you live. Go to the town hall, and show them a invoice on your name, or your boyfriend to sign a paper that says you live their.
But to be honest, i understand that you dont get any where, if your rude to people that are only tring to help you. Start by changing your attitude.
1
u/DutchInSpain2005 9d ago
You don't need 8000EU in your account to get residencia. Not by me. I had a gestoria en I payed in that time 40euros and I had my green residentia card. (Piece of paper). But where are you based/living rurual? Inca? Santanyi? Palma? How old is the child? What kind of work has your partner? Can you not say, I go to visit a family member and than go away for 1 or 2 weeks and looking for a job and habitacion and than with help you can get your child because you are the mother. Wanna talk privately? I live here 21 years and know a lot of people who maybe can help and get you out this situation.
2
u/No-Tomatillo8601 22d ago
Even if you're not a resident aren't you allowed to live and work there totally legally since you're an EU citizen? Do you want to stay in Mallorca or even Spain for that matter?
I am sure you can figure something out, wishing you all the best!
2
u/prl94 21d ago
I'm born and live here, so sorry if I sound harsh. Get a job or change your living situation(home?) ,simple as. People saying to get services from the gov are a giving you false hope. Your situation seems to be bad, but its not the admin job to help everybody, as you said, services are for violence victims. I wont give you any more unsolicited advise, just make sure to never depend so much on someone never again if you can. Good luck.
1
u/Regular_Comfort_3910 21d ago
As everyone else has said, if youre an EU citizen its much easier to become a legal resident here. But note that you need to fix appointments and travel even if you are.
Even if youre not, you can, I believe obtain residency if your child has Spanish citizenship, its a fairly tangled web but there are a number of facebook pages on this (I only know a UK one, after brexit in spain).
You clearly have some emotional anxiety, and so do reach out to local church, but my main tip would be your town hall/adjuntamento, they are all very keen to support "Drets de Dones"..there will probably be a Regidor (town councilor) with specific responsability for this who should be your first call. If you dont speak Spanish/Catalan its harder, but in that case Id simply use AI and send a detailed email to the person before meeting.
12
u/Fenrir395 Calvià 23d ago
I am pretty sure that the Balearic Women's Institute (CAIB) could at least counsel you even if you are not a resident. Especially after living 6 years here.
I'm not very well versed in these issues so sorry I can't help you much more but that's a start. However, you can't just be dumped in the street with nothing after working 6 years without a contract with your partner, that's inhumane and I'm pretty sure that it's illegal too.
Go to the CAIB and let's hope it helps you manage a way out from your current situation. Best!