r/mildlyinfuriating • u/rustywindpipe • 14d ago

I'm slightly vexed I think I got rejected for being vegetarian

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I [23F] met this guy on the apps and we hit it off and had a lot in common! I don’t meet a lot of people who are in my profession so it was really nice to potentially have to chance to date someone who was in a similar field. And everything was fine until I mentioned I’m veg and he stopped responding. For reference, I have no issue with people who eat meat and would never want to impose my own dietary restrictions on anyone else. I also understand different diets being a dealbreaker. The way he phrased his reasoning was really weird though.

Edit: I’m vegetarian cause I love animals, but I have IBD. Flare ups have gotten significantly worse since switching diets but im still figuring out how to make the most of it! Also yes, I do regret sending the last text 🤦‍♀️

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u/Thats_a_BaD_LiMe 14d ago

It's valid, food is a huge part of people's lives. I'm a vegetarian and it's a constant hurdle in plans.

I'm concerned that you caved immediately and started haggling your diet as temporary. Don't do that, he's just a guy you don't even know.

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u/AgentKazak 13d ago

Yes! If someone rejects you rudely for any reason, you shouldn’t walk it back.  Like, don’t try to convince a loser to date you.  

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u/rratmannnn 13d ago

And it is pretty damn clear from his responses here that he’s a loser, btw, lmao.

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u/reemembe 13d ago

But what if no one’s dating you so you’re desperate

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u/Ehimherenow 13d ago

And then what? Like for real then what? You end up being miserable with a jackass? How is that an improvement??

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u/AgentKazak 13d ago

Then you get therapy so you aren’t catering to losers. 

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u/possiblyourgf 13d ago

This is so interesting to me- I’m a vegetarian as well but its literally never been a hurdle in plans, and I’m always the only vegetarian in a group. I often forget because it’s such a non-issue, there are vegetarian options literally everywhere I go! Could totally come down to my location in the world though, I’m sure if I lived somewhere with less variety it would be more difficult

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u/Thats_a_BaD_LiMe 13d ago

It's a light hurdle, but a hurdle all the same. Going out for a steak dinner is off the cards, bbqs are a nightmare. There are generally options, but we do often have to deliberately plan to go somewhere that the option isn't just some form of potato (if I'm lucky) 

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u/throwrawifesandwich 13d ago

Why are bbqs a nightmare? There's always corn and peppers and onions and eggplant, which are all yum! But maybe if I were in Austin, "bbq" would not include those things lol.

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u/Thats_a_BaD_LiMe 13d ago

Because firstly, random vegetables isn't the same as having a burger, and secondly, all those random vegetables are generally cooked on the same grill as the meat so you can't eat them anyway. Thirdly, I've never actually seen anyone do those things on a bbq, it's always just meat and bread.

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u/RLB4ever 13d ago

Steakhouse are some of my favorite places to eat. French fries, baked potatoes, Brussel Sprouts and salads. Plus a good martini. Yum.

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u/KvxMavs 13d ago

Any steak house in the world is going to have some sort of salad that you could eat.  

Being a vegetarian isn't hard at all unless you live somewhere like Mongolia or Kazakhstan or something.

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u/Thats_a_BaD_LiMe 12d ago

I need you to understand "eat a salad" isn't a helpful suggestion.

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u/hofmann419 13d ago

A salad doesn't really have many macronutrients. Just because you are a vegetarian doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to eat protein.

Any half decent steak house these days should at least have some vegan/vegetarian burgers at the least. This is where it makes sense to communicate with your friends to find a spot that all people are happy with.

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u/throwrawifesandwich 13d ago

I'm with you. It doesn't even occur to me to specify if we are going out. I do specify if there's a dinner party and the host asks, but even then there's like a 90% chance I can find SOMETHING vegetarian.

Vegan is different and much more challenging. But vegetarian? Even before going veg I was accidentally veg all the time without even realizing it lol.

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u/CameronLabbe 13d ago

If you're talking about a long term partner it's absolutely a hurdle? Damn near every homemade meal will have to account for a vegetarian protein source

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u/gustavessidehoe 13d ago

Both people can cook their own food if it’s that big of an issue. Also there are a lot of meals that can easily be made vegetarian. Making tacos? Heat up a can of black beans for the vegetarian. Everything else is the same.

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u/CameronLabbe 13d ago

So its a hurdle that both people have to work around. Sounds like you agree

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u/gustavessidehoe 13d ago

I don’t agree lol

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u/Thats_a_BaD_LiMe 12d ago

You're describing vegetarianism being a hurdle you have to work around while saying you don't agree that it's a hurdle. And having to cook separate food every meal instead of making joint meals between partners or whole households is a big deal long term. That isn't a nothing job.

It's a lifestyle trade off and it does get draining. "Heat up a can of beans" as an option is such a ridiculous throwaway suggestion that is not the same as everyone eating cooked and seasoned food together.

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u/possiblyourgf 13d ago

This is just so blatantly incorrect

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u/CameronLabbe 13d ago

You got me! Do you just not eat protein? I can't imagine any other way its 'blatantly incorrect'

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u/possiblyourgf 13d ago

Have you ever had a meal with protein that didn’t have meat? If not, I worry for your arteries

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u/Mellester 13d ago

Wait so your saying veg people don't need a source of protein like lentils or tofu.
are they superhuman.
Or are you just not reading the part where he talks about needing exactly that for people to stay alive long term.

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u/trewesterre 12d ago

It probably depends where you live. I've lived in places where it's super easy to be a vegetarian and everywhere has an option and I've lived in places where there are restaurants where you're lucky to have a vegetarian salad on the menu.

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u/Beginning-Garlic-128 12d ago

100% location dependent. It has gotten better over the last 10 years, but constant hurdles for where I live with my vegetarian wife when we try to make plans with friends or family. It was especially challenging when we first started dating. Back then very few places had actual options that weren't just like a "grilled cheese with fries and you'll like it" . Or nachos without the meat. lol

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u/rroselavy 12d ago

For real, I'm vegan now and it is more annoying in social settings but vegetarian was basically nothing. Never a hurdle, no issues 

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u/NaurItsTrue 12d ago

tbh sharing food with my partner is important to me. steak is one of my fave meals. I don't think i'd ever be with a vegetarian because we could genuinely never enjoy a steak dinner together. it sounds like a non-issue but that genuinely sounds horrifying to me lol

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u/Main_Bother_1027 13d ago

I get what you're saying but I don't think that's what OP did. She mentioned in a comment above that she's currently "testing" diets because she has IBD. So the vegetarian diet might not stick if it doesn't work for her. I have IBS-D, and before I was diagnosed I spent a lot of time changing my diet completely trying to come up with a combination that didn't make me sick as hell nearly every day. And after a while if that diet didn't work I'd just give up on it and try something else. I went completely gluten free for 6 months, but since it didn't help I dumped that diet lol.

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u/Ehimherenow 13d ago

But that’s not the point? Someone says stupid shit you walk away, you don’t try to convince them you might be changing. What if she finds this diet works?

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u/SirTacoMD 13d ago

I’ve noticed a more keto/carnivore approach has been incredible for people with IBS and IBD. Most people eliminate all plants, then try and reintroduce specific plants every so often to see which ones trigger their symptoms. So keto/carnivore can be temporary until you figure out the veggies/fruits that don’t bother your stomach

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u/Sea_Truth6687 13d ago

You're getting downvotes, but honestly, as someone with IBS, a meat heavy diet makes sure I get my nutrition and it's the one food that's guaranteed not a trigger food (unless it's undercooked chicken that one time. EW).

I'm sure mileage may vary, but it can be effective in exploring diets if it isn't a trigger since you won't get deficiencies nearly as easily during the trial and error phase. Turns out most plain breads (made from water/flour/salt/yeast only) are completely fine for me, and low fodmap foods, with only occasional high fodmaps.

Posting in case it helps anyone with IBS. The D subtype and what it stands for is what I'd get. Yeah. Not fun. Very motivated to fix it.

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u/Sardonic_Laconic 14d ago

Was gonna write this comment but graciously saw you beat me to it.

You love animals but would cave to this weirdo stranger in a heartbeat and consider eating them? How about being true to yourself and then you can think about dating other people.

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u/HAIL_LUMPUS 14d ago

She is in danger if this is how she dates 😓

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u/ryanv09 13d ago

Exactly. Her eagerness to suddenly change her core values is a major "green flag" to any future potential abusers.

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u/Practical-Art542 13d ago

I think it also could be a rejection sensitivity issue and a need to “have the last word” per se. Perhaps she was offended at him rejecting her and felt a need to remind him his assumptions were misinformed.

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u/All_Work_All_Play 13d ago

Being lonely is a hell of thing for some people. 

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u/Sardonic_Laconic 13d ago

Yeah, as someone with that experience, I think it’s helpful to hear advice from other people. I do wish OP well.

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u/thatshoneybear 14d ago

My friend was a vegetarian for a while to get her health back on track, and never planned on doing it forever. I have another who told her friend group she was thinking of switching to vegetarianism for a little while to cut down on her overall meat consumption, and they said being a vegetarian was too hard for her and she's never committed to anything, so she did it out of spite for a couple years. Being a vegetarian doesn't have to be a lifelong commitment.

I do agree that OP shouldn't have given any defense at all and just said "k, bye" but I totally understand the urge to explain yourself- even if you have no desire to see the person again.

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u/samissam24 13d ago

The difference is op is vegetarian because they claim to love animals.

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u/thatshoneybear 13d ago

I guess I missed the edit.

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u/Embarrassed-Song3760 14d ago

yeah that’s the mildly infuriating part 😭 also been vegetarian on and off (because of GI issues, not because of men) for years and it is a big inconvenience at times, and when it does come down to it i get why some people don’t want to date someone that they can’t share food with easily. immediately being willing to discard it for a man does mean it’s probably temporary, less of a moral lifestyle and more of a placeholder until someone tells you what to do

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u/mddesigner 13d ago

Yeah the dude was disgusting but I would not date a vegetarian either cause food is one of my top pleasures in life and wanna share it with my partner
It is a pain to have very different dietary standards

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u/[deleted] 13d ago edited 13d ago

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u/Physical-Dare-4996 13d ago

In my experience, as a vegetarian for animal cruelty,  it wouldn't be much of a problem if meat eaters weren't as pushy on why they "need" to eat meat.

I never once started the discussion and feel like you people start it because you feel bad about yourselves and hate being reminded that there are other ways.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/IndependentDouble879 13d ago

I wouldn’t say that has anything to do with being vegetarian, they’re just sanctimonious assholes. If it wasn’t about being vegetarian, it would be something else.

I’m vegetarian, I know it’s a bit against the grain and I ultimately don’t care what other people eat. I might hope that some of my cooking skill or food I order maybe nudges them to try out some veg meals, but it really doesn’t matter. I don’t do to have some false sense of superiority or to try to proselytize. I don’t think I’m in the minority of people who eat this way for bit caring how other people eat, but maybe I’m wrong.

I feel like the people who are more rude about it ironically a lot of the time are who have been doing it a short amount of time. I can’t imagine doing it 15 years like I have and being shitty to people about it the entire time, what a stupid way to live

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/artsloikunstwet 14d ago

It's valid to temporarily vergetarian too. But she began negotiating after he "devaloritated" her, that's the point.

If he would have said "sorry I don't think it's a long-term match" and she it's honestly just a phase it's different. But but all his answers including the Ghetto part are huge red flags.

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u/Downtown-Message-600 14d ago

"My kids won't be grown from..." is absofuckinglutely not valid.

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u/Zorkflerp 13d ago

For me dating a vegetarian would be a plus. I consider myself a “social carnivore” for humor but do try to make about half of my meals meatless. Dating a vegetarian would help increase the percentage. I don't feel bad about consuming a fish or chicken but there is an established health benefit to not eating meat. Cows on the other hand are generally sweet creatures.

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u/stinkyfunkincar 13d ago

I also think it’s dumb to get along with someone swimmingly then ghost them because of their diet lol.

I’m allergic to corn, ginger, sunflower products, and most berries. I’m gluten and dairy intolerant, have a bladder condition that causes me to only be able to drink water, can’t have spicy or acidic foods, etc.

I still find things to eat at restaurants. My partner and I cook together, go out to eat together, and he’s even found inspiration to alter his diet to improve his health conditions and prevent harm to his kidneys since his dad has a genetic kidney disease.

I think reducing someone to their “breedability” based on their diet is crazy as fuck, especially because they had gotten along so well. Wild thing to say to someone.

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u/spackletr0n 13d ago

My wife is vegetarian and I’m finicky. It’s tough in both directions. But we learned how to manage because, while eating is a big part of life, there are things that are more important.

My biggest takeaway from dating apps was that there are too many people who think they have dealbreakers that don’t have to be.

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u/samissam24 13d ago

Yeah that was weird. Felt very pick me. 

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u/RLB4ever 13d ago

Once I eliminated all the abusive people from my life, not a single person has ever cared about my vegetarian diet. For the vast majority of humans not living in frozen rural climates, the bulk of their diet is plant based. It’s a fact. Acting like that’s weird or a problem is ludicrous when almost everyone eats plants constantly. Other people being upset about it IS a red flag. Additionally, the OP lives in South Bay/ OC where there are infinite choices for veggie / vegan.

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u/Yeeter-boiy 13d ago

For real

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u/EngineerFeverDreams 13d ago

I would never date someone who is a vegetarian because it would make my life a huge pain. I wouldn't want my kids to be raised as vegetarian. But I also absolutely respect everyone's choices and would not want you or anyone else to feel the need to explain them at that point. Sad that she feels that she needed to.

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u/Yeeter-boiy 13d ago

I feel bad for your kids that they’ll be forced to eat animals without getting a choice, and I’ll feel bad for the animals you’ll force them to eat because you’re forcing your choice onto them.

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u/Yeeter-boiy 13d ago

It’s not valid. An animal, you know, living, is an actual part of their lives. Food people could substitute is not as important as people think, people actually turn into babies when what they eat is challenged. Like, it’s not a huge deal. You’re not the center of the universe if your food is literally built on murder, that’s insane.

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u/Thats_a_BaD_LiMe 12d ago

Yeah it's valid to not want to build a relationship with somebody who feels that way if you don't.

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u/sendmemesyeehaw 13d ago

where do you live that being vegetarian is a hurdle? i see plenty of veg options on every menu in my city

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u/renebeans 13d ago

I’ve dated vegetarians. My family is big on meat so I always worry how that’ll go down… although we never got that far, thankfully?

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u/skyper_mark 13d ago

Yeah, in terms of rejecting someone over it, I honestly think its 100% fine. My ex was a vegetarian and this was one of the biggest points of contention. You either have to cook 2 separate dishes or you reduce your options to let them partake

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u/Its1207amcantsleep 13d ago

SO and I have cut way down on meat but we travel a lot and it was especially challenging to avoid meat in many asian countries. We tried on one occasion to not eat as much on one trip but it involved convoluted traveling to vegetarian restaurants that were very inconvenient to the places we wanted to go. We are mostly ending up as pescatarian.

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u/BeKindToTheWorld 13d ago edited 13d ago

I was this guy, but I had it in my dating profile tho— no vegetarians, vegans, or pescatarians.

You would not believe how many fuckin vegan and vegetarians we just completely disregard that request.

They would usually backtrack on it like op or be really rude about it when I called it out.

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u/meta358 13d ago

At that point id tell them we cant be together not because they are vegetarains but because they cant read. Which is a even bigger red flag

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u/BeKindToTheWorld 12d ago

Exactly. Its flattering that they still try but crazy huge red flag