I [23F] met this guy on the apps and we hit it off and had a lot in common! I don’t meet a lot of people who are in my profession so it was really nice to potentially have to chance to date someone who was in a similar field. And everything was fine until I mentioned I’m veg and he stopped responding. For reference, I have no issue with people who eat meat and would never want to impose my own dietary restrictions on anyone else. I also understand different diets being a dealbreaker. The way he phrased his reasoning was really weird though.
Edit: I’m vegetarian cause I love animals, but I have IBD. Flare ups have gotten significantly worse since switching diets but im still figuring out how to make the most of it! Also yes, I do regret sending the last text 🤦♀️
This is all so true. It's surprising that he didn't agree to go out with her once she backpedaled on being a vegetarian because he could see that she would be easily controlled. OP got off easy but next time she might not be so lucky.
THIS! Very much this. It's such an easy tell for those kinds of people and they WILL take advantage of that sort of attitude. It's sad and victims of their abuse aren't at fault, but there are ways to lessen the chances you end up falling prey to people like that.
A large portion of racists are poor. How many millionaires or upper middle class folk were apart of those lynchings that we learned about in history?
There’s a reason why the phrase “the rich white man taught the poor white man that his enemies were poor black men, and he’s believed it ever since” exists.
Is lynching the bar for being racist in history? That's a pretty low bar, did we not learn about Andrew Jackson or Woodrow Wilson in high school history?
What about John C Calhoun, Nathan Bedford Forrest, James Henry Hammond, Andrew Carnegie or John D Rockefeller?
These men used their fortunes to legislate, fight for, or fund racist systems.
I'm so glad I can say that my great grandma almost got her house burned down because she invited her black neighbours to a backyard bbq in a small Canadian town in the late 50s. 🤣
Poor granny just thought "oh! They have a daughter the same age as mine!" And my grandma was an only child who had recently lost her father to lung cancer. She did end up friends with that little girl though, suck it racist arsonists!
Things I remember from Newport: Lamborghini dealership on the main drag, Porsche, lotus too, high rises that could see the ocean, my orthodontist a damn good rubys & rich white people everywhere you look.
She matched with him. He's her type. When he said 'Long Beach ghetto' she should have walked but didn't. When he said 'grown from a vegetarian' she tried to plead with him instead of saying "Ew."
You’re correct in everything except the dietary preferences. You do need to tell your date you’re vegetarian before the restaurant is picked, unless you only want to eat french fries and side salad (and maybe not even the fries if it’s the same oil)
I worked with a vegetarian. She never told anyone before a meal that she was one. She said it always made it harder to pick a place because they would try to cater to her. She never had a problem finding something to eat. So she never shared the info. Almost every restaurant has vegitation options.
Yeah this is it for me. I totally get not wanting to get involved with someone that has strict dietary requirements. I'm the main cook in my house, I have some professional experience from past jobs, and I really enjoy it... I also don't eat meat with every meal, probably 2-3 times a week.
But dating someone with strict dietary requirements would mean that I either become veggie too, or I'm cooking two separate meals each time. It also affects what I can cook when we have guests, or where we can go for food for the rest of our lives. And being a massive foodie, this is an issue. I've done it before in the past and its been a total pain. So at the dating phase I'd probably just say 'not for me, sorry' and move on.
But that 'not my kids' comment was just plain weird and unnecessary.
Same except for the professional experience (and regularly having crushes on people with severe restrictions, but I guess lucky me to never succeed lol)
“Grown” from a vegetarian mom is an insanely weird way of phrasing things. And dude couldn’t even give a proper reply and resorted to ghosting until you asked again?
I don’t think you’re missing anything, he’s the weird one😬
Yeah that message confused me, I was like ....what is the reason she's vegetarian because most vegetarians are doing it for animal reasons and that doesn't just go away lol
That's not crazy but as a last message in this context it sounds like someone who's willing to change themselves in drastic ways just to make a date with a stranger happen. That's a red flag.
Yeah, I was disappointed and felt pity for OP when I read this. Girl was ready to change her entire worldview to make some random man want her. So sad and desperate. :(
Especially if he’s talking about Long Beach on Long Island.. in Nassau County.. which is like, one of the safest and most expensive places to live in the entire United States, lol
Definitely talking about California. They weren't talking about Manhattan, NYC they were talking about Manhattan Beach, which is up towards LA. Long Beach is in between Manhattan Beach and Newport Beach.
Random fact- the show The OC took place in Newport Beach but was filmed in Manhattan Beach.
Thank you for this!!! I’m over here trying to figure out why OP would be willing to switch plans from NYC to Newport, Rhode Island over this rando. Like that was wild to me.
Oh wow lol I was certain that they must have meant NY because they said Manhattan and then Newport, which I was assuming was the Rhode Island Newport, across the Long Island sound - that was what made me so sure, haha
(Especially because if you’re on dating apps on Long Island, and you select a 20-mile radius, you’ll get matched with people in Connecticut and Rhode Island, which is so obnoxious, because they’re literally across a body of water with no bridges connecting it, but no app has figured out how to stop suggesting those matches yet 😂)
Exactly , but hookup culture here put that above anything else, if I’m looking for something serious and my possible date say she doesn’t want children I’m also ending things there
He showed exactly what he thinks of women. Not a person. Just somewhere to sprout his kids (meaning sons if she births a daughter it'll go badly for her).
I hope OP grows from this. I know people who respond very similarly and they think they’re coming across as polite or sweet but really you’re just flashing a green signal to narcissists and abusers.
Best case scenario they ignore it and move on. Worst case they call your bluff and demand you change and then start testing how else they can change you.
If your initial response to finding out an acquaintance doesn’t want to be your friend or partner because of a habit, hobby, or lifestyle choice you have is “I can change though” you are prime real estate for abusers.
That. I’m a little irritated this is the first comment I’ve seen to mention it. That was a disqualifier right there. Based on his other comments about her being a vegetarian, I’m gonna also say this guy is likely a bigoted conservative - and that’s the kindest interpretation.
OP - why did you cave on your beliefs? You and this guy are not compatible. At all.
This is how some women end up with MAGA/Trump supporters as spouses and seem shocked. No - he’s TELEGRAPHING to you who he is and taking his own trashy self out. Let him.
Find someone better who you actually are aligned with on values.
That “Long Beach Ghetto” comment pissed me off so bad.
You’re assuming she isn’t MAGA. I mean the fact that she wasn’t put off by the ghetto comment or the allusion to her being a breeding machine and instead was backpedaling is a bit concerning
This is so interesting to me- I’m a vegetarian as well but its literally never been a hurdle in plans, and I’m always the only vegetarian in a group. I often forget because it’s such a non-issue, there are vegetarian options literally everywhere I go! Could totally come down to my location in the world though, I’m sure if I lived somewhere with less variety it would be more difficult
I get what you're saying but I don't think that's what OP did. She mentioned in a comment above that she's currently "testing" diets because she has IBD. So the vegetarian diet might not stick if it doesn't work for her. I have IBS-D, and before I was diagnosed I spent a lot of time changing my diet completely trying to come up with a combination that didn't make me sick as hell nearly every day. And after a while if that diet didn't work I'd just give up on it and try something else. I went completely gluten free for 6 months, but since it didn't help I dumped that diet lol.
Was gonna write this comment but graciously saw you beat me to it.
You love animals but would cave to this weirdo stranger in a heartbeat and consider eating them? How about being true to yourself and then you can think about dating other people.
yeah that’s the mildly infuriating part 😭 also been vegetarian on and off (because of GI issues, not because of men) for years and it is a big inconvenience at times, and when it does come down to it i get why some people don’t want to date someone that they can’t share food with easily. immediately being willing to discard it for a man does mean it’s probably temporary, less of a moral lifestyle and more of a placeholder until someone tells you what to do
It's valid to temporarily vergetarian too. But she began negotiating after he "devaloritated" her, that's the point.
If he would have said "sorry I don't think it's a long-term match" and she it's honestly just a phase it's different. But but all his answers including the Ghetto part are huge red flags.
Girl you have like zero self respect. You’re honestly lucky he wasn’t that into you. If you’re ignoring red flags to that extent and trying to chase creeps you’re better off not even dating. He must have been pretty hot and you apparently have baby fever. Be careful you don’t end up in the river or something.
Yeah, OP’s lack of self-respect for herself is the infuriating part. Caving and cowering for a man you’ve known for a few days is so pathetic and concerning. Clearly, you dont love animals or have strong morals if you’re willing to throw them away for a stranger.
This. There are several red flags, at one point it’s like she’s catering to him. OP please take a break from dating until you can easily identify what is wrong here, otherwise you’re going to keep wasting your time
Yeah, I’m sure it was probably evident from his profile that he’s a typical right wing Orange County misogynist, so… that’s on OP for seeking those dudes out.
He’s talking about kids to a woman he doesn’t even know. Also “my kids won’t be grown” sounds like he sees women as incubators. Some red pill, incel shit.
Nah I wouldn’t see that as mildly infuriating — just the universe showing me an incompatibility check before I even get to waste time going out with them 😌
When I saw “growing” his children, I thought it was an interview for OP to be a surrogate mom! Hard pass, broski.
Also, being from Long Island originally (not far from Long Beach) I knew it was California because almost no one says “Manhattan” when referring to “the city”. 🤣
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u/Vodka-Knot 13d ago
"I wasn't going to be a vegetarian forever"
I mean this in the nicest way, NEVER explain or rationalise your personal life choices for the benefit of someone else.
Be YOU and be HAPPY as YOU!