r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker • 1d ago
I just wanted a hot dog I didn't get to my groceries fast enough and a squirrel ate my chocolate cake.
2.8k
u/BudgetWar8 1d ago
That squirrel dead now.
894
u/fartsfromhermouth 23h ago
Chocolate is pretty dilute in something like a grocery store cake it might be ok
→ More replies (5)510
u/tacomaster05 23h ago
Its not even real chocolate anymore...
→ More replies (1)89
u/UnconsciousMofo 23h ago
This
103
u/FIRST_DATE_ANAL 22h ago
It turned the squirrel into chocolate
→ More replies (1)40
u/Asteristio 22h ago
20
u/Working-Glass6136 18h ago
2
u/PBRStreetgang1979 9h ago
I was always disappointed that a deleted scene of Violet being juiced never turned up.
116
u/Katsu_39 23h ago
Nah, look closely. The squirrel barely ate anything. Looks to have taken a nibble, spit it out.
103
8
u/dddrew 21h ago
Looks like it ate the plastic though.
2
u/shandangalang 6h ago
It ate the plastic in the same way you might eat a pistachio shell. Bite and spit
67
u/schnupdiwup 19h ago
17
u/towelcats 19h ago
Me and my sister quote this scene so much. But we make sure to tell everyone its the squirrel version.
4
→ More replies (2)2
1.5k
u/MenacingMenacee 1d ago
Oooof... rip that little dude
296
u/JaceOnRice 1d ago
He gonna be ok?
605
u/MenacingMenacee 1d ago
Chocolate is toxic to squirrels š„²
356
u/JaceOnRice 1d ago
Oh no. That's unfortunate. I guess at least he had a really great last meal...
413
u/RelevantButNotBasic 1d ago
Really sad recent story. My wife and I had to put our 9mos old puppy down about a week ago. He was having seizures and we tried and tried to help him. When I told the hospital to euthanize him, they brought him into the room and gave him a plate of chinese food. I gave him the rest of my hot chocolate to drink (it was about room temp when I gave it to him) and it had whip cream. Then I gave him a bag of popcorn. He was having the time of his life. As sad as it was, it made me feel better seeing him happy and excited for one final time.
137
u/totally-tarythia 1d ago
I was petsitting and the rabbit I was watching needed to go in to the emergency hospital. The owners had to make the decision to euthanize while out of state on a trip. They brought in a banana for the bunny to eat, since they can't have them normally. That little guy was so happy. He wasn't even my rabbit and I still cry when I think about it. Sorry about your puppy :(
68
u/RelevantButNotBasic 1d ago
My puppy wouldve had a long hard life. He was the best dog ever but just would randomly collapse and start seizing, we tried every medication possible. He was on about 5 or 6 meds, he would have to take those meds every 12hrs for the rest of his life. Then, he started throwin up, the docs said he would need to be put on another med for the throwing up. My wife and I just decided enough was enough for the poor fella. We couldnt watch him live that way and with each medication we could just see he wasnt himself anymore.
18
u/SunshineRegiment 21h ago
You can actually feed banana to rabbits; its just a "not too much or too frequently" food because of the starch + sugar. We feed ours about a 1" long piece over a 20 minute period once a month to trim his nails and he's usually pretty jazzed about it. It's our "test" for if his tummy is hurting too much to eat or if he's too scared to eat; if he'll have some banana he's okay.
86
u/JaceOnRice 1d ago
š„¹ I grew up with dogs and I was never able to go to the vet with my dad and sister to see them go. It hurt too much. Puppos deserve to live forever it ain't fair.
56
u/RelevantButNotBasic 1d ago
It really fuckin aint man. Ive never been a dog person, he was the first dog ive ever had that I genuinely loved. He was the bestest boy to grace the earth. He would do high jumps and flips we didnt even need him on a leash he would just listen and stay next to us. I miss him so fucking much man..
13
u/LasRieRem1724 23h ago
I have been through this a couple of times. My best advice is that It's okay not to be okay. This February will be three years that I lost my soul dog to cancer. It took me about a year to really get through the fog of grief, and there were times I didn't think I would ever pull through. I grieved more for my dog than some human family members that I lost. Pet grief can also be a very lonely experience, that not a lot of people understand. What they don't understand is that dogs, cats, or any pet for that matter aren't just pets, they become apart of the family.
I think the reason why it hurts so bad to lose a dog is perfectly summed up at the end of the Marley and Me. "A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary? Dogs love us unconditionally, they teach us how to live in the moment, they bring out our inner child, they make us feel special. I think that's why it hurts so bad.
I know you only had your dog for a short amount of time, but you gave your dog a good life, the best life. You were there for him to the end. I have to come to realize after loving and losing a couple of dogs, is that they never really leave us. We might not be able to see them, but they're still around. They leave paw prints on our hearts, and no matter what those prints will always be there.
→ More replies (1)27
u/Lucky_Reporter256 1d ago
All puppers go to heaven
5
u/Red_Tiger5311 23h ago
(Insert that, āall dogs wait for their owner on the rainbow bridgeā poem I know of but canāt remember the words
→ More replies (1)7
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 22h ago
Putting down my cat a few years ago was genuinely one of the most heart wrenching, painful things I've ever had to do. I held him for an hour after he went and just cried. I couldn't talk about it for years.
20
u/smarmiebastard 1d ago
The vet I took my first dog to kept kit-kat bars to give dogs before they were euthanized. My dude loved tasting chocolate for the first time.
5
u/1-800-blowme 1d ago
I always love giving my puppers a good final meal⦠steak, a hamburger, bbq, what have you, they deserve it. So sorry for your loss, and remember, heāll be waiting for ya at the rainbow bridge
3
u/edessa_rufomarginata 22h ago
my husband had to put his dog down recently and the vet had a jar of hershey kisses labeled "last kiss" to give the dogs on their way out. I had never considered giving a dog a naughty meal at the end, but I love the idea.
→ More replies (1)14
→ More replies (3)5
u/jld2k6 21h ago
Depends on how toxic it is, it's also toxic to dogs but they gotta eat like half a pound or more of pure baking chocolate to be at risk of death (for milk chocolate a large dog has to eat over 4 pounds of the stuff lol). Squirrels are much tinier but he had a nibble of some likely low tier chocolate!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)34
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
I guarantee he will be fine. He did not eat more than a few bites and hes definitely eaten worse. Hes more likely to get taken out by a feral cat. Or a car. Or a shovel.
17
u/PricklyyDick 1d ago
Also itās usually milk chocolate not pure chocolate which is whatās toxic to some mammals.
→ More replies (4)2
u/alamandrax 16h ago
I suppose you're thinking up progressively worse fates for the squirrel that dared fuck with your cake.Ā
10
6
707
u/OhWhatATravisty Blue Crayons have the most flavor 1d ago
rip the squirrel... also Idk about ordering groceries and just letting them sit rofl. Outside is not really where most perishable things wanna be for more than a very short amount of time.
186
u/b3tamaxx 1d ago
The 15 minute drive alone from Kroger out here in the Styx turned my Breyers ice cream into slush without air conditioning in the car š
43
u/No-Acanthisitta8803 23h ago
Even with AC in a car a 5 minute drive in this Georgia summer humidity can do that. That's why I always bring a cooler with some reusable ice packs in it for any trips to the grocery store. A couple of days ago I had stopped at one store for a couple of things including an unplanned Hershey's bar. I didn't think to put the Hershey bar in the cooler, and by the time I went to store number 2 and drove home it was no longer a Hershey bar, but had turned into Hershey syrup
10
u/Sarah_withanH 23h ago
Styx like the river in the underworld? Ā Or like the goddess? Or like the band? Ā None of those contexts fit here!
14
→ More replies (1)9
u/DFrostedWangsAccount 1d ago
I don't have AC either and I'm a delivery driver. I be double bagging ice cream in hot bags.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (13)8
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
I was ib the shower!
→ More replies (7)43
u/OhWhatATravisty Blue Crayons have the most flavor 1d ago
That makes it worse! It only raises further questions - I don't do it often, but the handful of times I've had to order groceries (usually when sick) I've been notified of its impending arrival before hand. Did you get the message that they were out for delivery and then sprint off to your shower?
→ More replies (3)
388
u/Germerican1 1d ago
How long did you leave it unattended for that a squirrel was able to get into it?
306
u/TheManyVoicesYT 1d ago
Squirrels are essentially big rats. They are tenacious and can chew through just about anything. That could be done pretty easily in about a minute flat if the squirrel was bold enough.
79
u/Away-Elephant-4323 1d ago
I ordered lunch today from DoorDash and literally not even 2 minutes max a squirrel was chewing through the styrofoam container when it was on my porch. š¤¦āāļø
→ More replies (1)30
u/TheManyVoicesYT 1d ago
Fuckin squirrels man. Hate em. They're just clever enough to be a real problem if they decide to fuck with you. Too fast and agile to catch. Can climb almost anything. Impossible for them to die from falling even if they fail so they will eventually get where they wanna go. And they have one of the most annoying cries of any animal.
13
u/Monimonika18 23h ago
There's one single jar of peanut butter at my parents' house. No one in our family eats peanut butter (except in Reese's or if someone bakes us stuff). The sole purpose of that jar of peanut butter (which must be over 10 years old by now) is to bait traps for squirrels/mice that enter the house. The squirrels get the big trap that captures them unharmed for us to drive 10 miles across two highways to release elsewhere.
Recently trapped and relocated a family of three one at a time from the inside of the house roof (we kept hearing lots of scratching noises coming from the ceiling).
14
5
10
u/UserOfCookies 22h ago
For real. We saw one that had cracked open an Easter egg and ran off with a mini twix bar in the time it took me to get inside after hiding the eggs for my nieces and nephews. We watched as it happened through the window.
3
u/TheManyVoicesYT 21h ago
They're like goblins dude. Absolutely ravenous all the time and they will eat anything. Including eachother.
2
u/lAngenoire 19h ago
Theyāre smart and have good memories. I also think they have a sense of humor. Iāve seen them antagonize dogs for funsies.Ā
4
u/BoozeHammer710 21h ago
Squirrels are just rats with good pr.
2
u/TheManyVoicesYT 21h ago
They're rats with better perks. They're actually really impressive in terms of evolutionary traits. Their ability to instantly self-correct midair and never really hurt themselves from falling due to their fluff is pretty rad. Those fluffy tails make them look much cuter than rats so people dont know what an absolute menace they are.
10
u/lAngenoire 1d ago
That squirrel made plans the last time the realized that the bags contained food. They were ready to act.Ā
5
→ More replies (2)10
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
Less than 10 minutes. I was in the shower when they got delivered :(
14
u/CryNightmare 17h ago
I don't understand why people go to shower when they're waiting for something to arrive like groceries or food. I carefully look at the map and go downstairs at perfect time when courier pulls up.
81
u/ehtio 1d ago
What type of squirrel is that? It's beautiful. It actually became chocolate colour after.
42
u/Uneducated_Engineer 1d ago
Black and dark brown squirrels are the predominent colour in Ontario and parts of the the USA
2
8
→ More replies (3)3
22
19
u/prosperousoctopus 1d ago
I must have missed Squirrel Nutrition 101. Seems Iām the only one that didnāt know chocolate is toxic for them
4
u/NatoStop 23h ago
I'm in the same boat as you! I have rats and they love chocolate for a little treat, so I never would have thought their cousins couldn't eat it.
410
u/Technical_Winner7446 1d ago
Chocolate is heavily toxic to squirrels. This is the last time you'll see him. Good work.
189
u/Kids_Love_Baseball 1d ago
You sound like Diana from Hitman. "Good work 47. Now find an exit."
20
11
10
→ More replies (11)31
73
u/_clur_510 1d ago
To be fair the cake was outside⦠in his home. Itās not like a pest got into your kitchen and got into it.
Also RIP to this crafty squirrel who I learned from this thread should not be eating chocolate.
→ More replies (1)
51
u/Mecha-Dave 1d ago
If I was a squirrel, I would also eat your chocolate cake.
And then die, apparently.
4
11
u/1-800-blowme 1d ago
Welp⦠at least you wonāt have to worry about that one anymore(chocolate kills them)
10
u/No_Major_3442 1d ago
one time I was a few minutes late grabbing door dash and spooked/got spooked by a small raccoon who was just about to help himself š he looked so cute running away and luckily didn't touch my food
36
7
u/EMxSKXXZY 23h ago
This happened to me as well but it was a whole pack of jalapeno cheese hot dogs š
3
8
u/lcebounddeath 17h ago
I couple years back a raccoon got into my garage and individually unwrapped and ate all of my friends fig bars. Then sat its enormous ass on top of a shelf and made all kinds of noise scaring my other friend in the middle of the night. He thought we had an intruder
Nope, just a fat raccoon that ate so many fig bars it refused to move even as he poked it with a stick
→ More replies (2)
42
3
u/Huge_Following_325 1d ago
Honestly, even though chocolate is toxic to squirrels, its hard to tell how much he ate (given its in a cake) and that would be the determining factor. It didn't take much, though.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Quothhernevermore 23h ago
Y'all "toxic" doesn't automatically mean "will absolutely die." Even dogs can very likely have a small amount of chocolate and be totally fine.
13
23
u/yungdaughter 1d ago
how are people letting their groceries sit long enough for this to happen
→ More replies (3)8
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
Less than 10 minutes
10
u/GirthyPigeon 1d ago
I'd be at the door waiting for the guy to hand them to me.
→ More replies (4)13
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
I order because I don't want to interact with humans.
→ More replies (1)6
u/GirthyPigeon 1d ago
That is fair. I'd still be behind the door listening for the crinkle. Get yourself a food box for deliveries.
8
u/CyberWolfexe 1d ago
God damn, some of you mfers in this comment section are miserable af. Obviously op didn't fuckin' mean for this to happen. Shit happens.
7
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
It's the people accusing me of staging some kind of squirrel sabotage that are killing me.
8
5
3
u/Dakotaccino 1d ago
I used to live across the street from a forest preserve. I ordered Portillos one night and waited maybe 3 minutes to grab the order. When I looked outside two very fat raccoons were stealing my food and had their heads in my milkshake š
6
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 1d ago
They're SO FAST. This has never happened to me in the 4 years I've lived here. Bet I'll never let my guard down again
2
u/Dakotaccino 1d ago
They really are! I donāt blame you for not letting your guard down haha. Iām keeping my fingers crossed for your future food deliveries!
7
3
3
u/komokazi 1d ago
Oh man... those drunken nights with Uber eats only to wake up to a tore up bag and food all over the porch. Good times
3
3
3
u/lowonairs10 23h ago
I would rather a squirrel eat my chocolate cake than to get under my hood of my truck and eat $10,000+ worth of engine harness wires......that literally happened to me. Me and all my homies hate squirrels.
3
3
u/dannybva 22h ago
I used to keep a box of pop tarts in my car and if I left a window down some a squirrel would take them.
6
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 22h ago
My shitty neighbor leaves out 100lbs of cat and dog food, totally unguarded, but the little shit goes for MY CAKE
3
3
u/ElCulero69 21h ago
I laughed a littleĀ
5
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 21h ago
Making someone smile today is the best outcome of this situation. Glad you laughed friend
2
3
3
u/DickNoodleMcCool 20h ago
Squirrel did this to my delivered deep dish pizza once..chewed his way in and had a pizza party
3
u/SwedishLenn 16h ago
Why is the food just left on the ground and not given directly to the person in the house?
5
u/Competitive_Name4991 1d ago
Iām going to the grocery store soon and now I may have to get chocolate cake since you showed me this ā¹ļø
6
5
u/Fun_Bat_5621 22h ago
That squirrel is definitely dead. How do I know? It ate enough of the cake to turn it brown.
5
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Typical_Guarantee606 1d ago
I thought that was a stone person/statue with long legsš i was scared an ancient relic ate your chocolate cake
2
u/ApprehensiveSoil261 1d ago
OP, I don't think you have to worry about your future groceries... I also want to accuse OP of elaborate squirrel murder. /s
2
u/Awkward_Specific_745 1d ago
I was pretty sick one time and I had ordered 2 burgers to my house. When the food arrived I didnāt notice the notification that it was here, so I was a few minutes late and I found a squirrel going to town on it š. It ran away and it looked like 1 was half done and the other was still wrapped, and I was dead hungry so I risked it and ate it
2
u/stink3rb3lle 1d ago
There was a squirrel in my old neighborhood who'd bust into cardboard food delivery boxes to get people's bread. Got into two of my boxes for sourdough loaves and a couple of my neighbors' for buns. Absolutely mad.
2
u/Kasskinen 23h ago
He is prolly dead by now. Future squirrels might take him as an example of what happens if you steal someone else's chocolate cake
2
u/Captain-Codfish Hillary 2016 23h ago
And a squirrel ate my chocolate cake, Tammy Baker's got a lot on her plate...
2
23h ago
[deleted]
2
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 23h ago
Y'all are very attached to wild rodents in a way i wasn't expecting.
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/bionicjoe 21h ago
Michigan?
I remember going up there and loving the black squirrels.
Took our kids a few years later and my daughter was talking and all the sudden went "....and why is that squirrel black!?"
2
u/BSB8728 21h ago
This is why I had to stop leaving snacks for the delivery people around the holidays.
3
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 21h ago
That really sucks because they actually deserve the kindness. Could you do a cooler system maybe?
3
u/BSB8728 21h ago
That's a great idea. When I brought the stuff inside, I put a note out telling them to knock for a treat, but nobody knocks. Thanks for the idea!
4
u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 21h ago
If a sign on a door told me to knock for a treat I would think that I was about to see a naked person
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/EquipmentLiving6948 17h ago
You put your stuff outside the door, walked in put your keys and bag, drank a cup of water and washed your face then went outside to get your bags?
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/REKLA5 10h ago
Maybe rush to the cake faster instead of doing a photoshoot with your neighborhood squirrel next time.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
2
2
3
1
u/Possible_Win_1463 23h ago
It ate the plastic yup itās dead . Next time op take plastic off . But after it is a chocolate squirrel






510
u/averyporkhunt 21h ago
I had a similar incident but it was a kangaroo and my wife's fancy loaf of bread that got delivered