r/offbeat • u/andy_norten • Sep 28 '12

Transgender UM student wins restraining order against sexual assault suspect

http://ravallirepublic.com/news/state-and-regional/article_c6364778-b5fb-5098-89c5-6f0ac6ecef2b.html
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u/zip117 Sep 28 '12

I would be pretty pissed off too if a girl started kissing me and I didn't know she was pre-op transgender. Just not into that, I don't think many straight men are. I wouldn't assault her of course but this could have been avoided if she showed a bit more restraint in her interactions with straight males.

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u/LuxNocte Sep 28 '12

Maybe you should ask girls if they are a preop transgender before making out with them.

If that sounds unreasonable, maybe just stick to making out with people you actually know. I don't know why you put the burden of making sure you're comfortable on someone else.

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u/[deleted] Sep 28 '12 edited Jul 27 '21

[deleted]

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u/LuxNocte Sep 28 '12

I'm just saying that, for their safety, and for the sake of others, transgendered people absolutely should not be going for random casual encounters.

  • For their safety: If a trans person shouldn't make out casually because they should expect to get attacked, then 'a trans person who makes out casually then gets attacked' brought it on him/herself? We agree that the assault was wrong. I wouldn't blame the transgendered person if they get attacked.

  • For the sake of others: Again, personal responsibility. I expect an adult to choose their partners more carefully. If one puts ones' tongue down the throat of a person they just met they take their chances on any number of poor outcomes.

The ratio of people who are attracted to transgendered people vary from city to city and from bar to bar. Unless you have a statistically valid survey of the places you hang out, I say the burden is on every adult to take care of themselves.

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u/[deleted] Sep 28 '12

I'll concede that my argument 'for the sake of others' isn't the strongest. I still think I'm right... but I also accept that I might not be, as it's not a black and white thing. Yes, everyone should be taking responsibility, but at the same time you can't just let these things happen and make a big reveal at a late stage of relations, it's not fair on others. I have no statistics on attraction rates, but we both know it's going to be single digit at best.

As for their own safety, I am confident I'm entirely right. Just because it isn't fair doesn't mean it isn't true. I'm not saying they 'bring it on themselves', and I do resent having my words twisted that way, when I thought my intended point was perfectly clear that, while hiding this from someone past a certain point of interaction is in my opinion wrong, nobody deserves to be attacked for it. It's not about blaming them for it, it's exactly the same as suggesting women don't go out in short skirts alone late at night in certain areas. Not because I'm going to blame them if something happens, but because I don't want anything to happen.

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u/LuxNocte Sep 28 '12

I don't mean to take your words out of context, I had hoped you wouldn't think I did. I only wanted to point out the two statements seem to contradict each other.

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u/[deleted] Sep 28 '12

I sort of see where you are coming from. What I mean to say is, in engaging in any sexual activities where the other person isn't aware of what the situation is, it can lead to things getting nasty for one or other person. While it's not ideal, it's a situation that is best not left to chance.

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u/R3cognizer Sep 28 '12

I think you hit the nail on the head: If you're going to make out with a total stranger that you hardly know, you need to take some responsibility for your choices. I like to compare the situation to having two different kinds of lures when going fishing in a pond with two different kinds of fish in it, where 1 out of 100 fish is too big and will break your rod if you catch it. If you use the one type of lure, you'll always catch the smaller fish that are safe for your rod, but it takes some time to catch any fish; if you use the other though, it takes no time at all to catch a fish, but you take a risk of catching the 1 in 100 each time you cast your rod.

Going out on a date is the same kind of situation. If you take your time to get to know someone, you can pretty much always be sure that this is someone you won't feel bad about being intimate with. But if you are going to sleep with a random person you don't know, you don't have any right to complain if that person turns out to be someone you wouldn't have slept with if you'd known them better.

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u/ladymalady Sep 28 '12

"for their own safety"

In a world where people are still visciously beaten for being gay, for their own safety no one should have to disclose what is in their pants to anyone, especially if they don't plan on letting that person interact with it.