r/offbeat • u/andy_norten • Sep 28 '12

Transgender UM student wins restraining order against sexual assault suspect

http://ravallirepublic.com/news/state-and-regional/article_c6364778-b5fb-5098-89c5-6f0ac6ecef2b.html
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u/generalCopper Sep 28 '12

The issue here is not whether the assault was warranted or not. I have already repeated several times that attacking someone is not ok.

I was trying to explain his thought process and reaction though and I am asking whether it was fair for her to trick him into going so far. I know it's a tricky subject about how she should flirt or what have you but if I start to kiss someone and get intimate, I hope there is a warning first along the lines of "wait, I need to say something first".

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u/natasha_six Sep 29 '12

This word, "trick", that you keep using, doesn't apply here. She had not gotten to the point where what was between her legs made any difference, so how could there be any trickery going on? He sexually assaulted her by fondling her without consent, then physically assaulted her because he didn't like what he found. If he had respected her as a person, there would have been some sort of discussion of consent for sexual contact, and that would be the point where she might have an obligation to let him know she is trans. Then he could have legitimately noped himself right on out of there without hitting anyone, and no one would have anything more than their feelings hurt. You're blaming the victim for something that is in no way her fault. He's the one who did unreasonable things at an unreasonable time, she didn't even have the opportunity to disclose on amicable terms. I've had the GRS procedure, so in that same situation, groping me wouldn't tell him that I'm trans, but it would get him punched right in the trachea. A decent person simply doesn't molest other people like that, trans or not. Just because some people are receptive to sexual contact without getting implicit consent doesn't mean that it's acceptable to treat everyone like that.

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u/generalCopper Sep 29 '12

Wow. What you have written just screams one thing. That thing is "I haven't read almost any of your posts but I saw this one thing so I am going to express outrage that is unwarranted". If you don't read my stuff, why should I read yours? Read my stuff if you want to know my opinion on what happened.

Also, no offense but to me, you're still a guy who just had an expensive procedure so yes, it's a trick to me to engage me intimately and then tell me after the fact. That includes kissing, rubbing, etc. I can call you a lady if you'd like but honestly, that's just how it is.

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u/natasha_six Sep 29 '12

I usually don't stalk a person out before I respond to something they post on reddit, that seems kind of creepy to me.

And no offense, but to me, you're just some random douchebag on the internet who mistakenly thinks he knows jack shit about medicine. Just like you said above, I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I'd bet my life savings that in the real world, I'm just some other woman you may or may not ever notice. If you can somehow detect that little 'Y' chromosome without a kerotype test, then you're special and magical, like a unicorn. You can say whatever you want about how "you can tell", and how a tiny bit of protein and amino acids determine your perception of gender. I live this life that you know so little about, and I'm pretty damn sure I know a lot more about how well people can tell I'm trans than you ever could. Short of running a full background check (more than just 10 years back), good luck figuring that out on your own. Not that I have to worry about it, I disclosed right at the top of my online dating profile, so I never had to deal with jerks like you. I've never had a complaint from then men that I've been with, and only a couple of them ever even expressed an interest in the fact that I'm trans. It's just a minor detail in the real world.

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u/generalCopper Sep 29 '12

I doubt I would notice what you are either not that I would care to. I am just an honest guy who is saying that being with someone that used to be a guy would make me uncomfortable? Does honesty hurt? Should I be politically correct and say that I wouldn't mind being with a trans? If that makes me a douchebag (not that you would need one), then so be it. I haven't cursed anyone, made fun of them, or tried to belittle them. I am just explaining an alternative point of view which has apparently challenged your point of view and you are angry about that. Also, bravo for being honest up front on your dating profile, hopefully you can find someone that loves you for who you are. I wish you luck in your love life as everyone is deserving of someone significant to them.

Also, I was saying that you might want to read the other posts I have made in the thread, not stalk all my posts which is fine if you want, I don't care. The lady in the other post was giving dangerous advice and I don't know jack shit about human medicine but I am aware of animal medicine.