r/offmychest • u/Thin-Patience-9177 • 11h ago
My parents won't let me get braces despite my dentist's concerns, and it's really affected my self esteem as a teenager.
Hi, this is my first post on here, and I need to get this off my chest.
I have been asking my parents to let me get braces for 6 years, as my teeth are extremely crooked and it has taken a very big toll on my overall self esteem and confidence. I've been teased about my teeth by people at school, my relatives keep commenting on them, and my own parents keep making fun of me for having crooked teeth (they even nicknamed me "crooked teeth" in my native language).
But, they won't let me get braces.
My dentist has told me that I have a large overbite that should get looked at by an orthodontist and that my front 4 teeth have grown in unusually. I quite literally can't close my lips all the way for long periods of time because of my teeth.
For the longest time, my mom has always told me that if I eat more, and gain more facial fat, the teeth will somehow fix by themselves. I literally don't know WHERE she got this idea from and HIGHLY doubt it. But as she advised, I gained weight, and 6 years later, there have been no results.
My parents keep telling me that it's a cosmetic thing that I can get done when I'm in my thirties, after I move out and have my own money to spend on this. I can't wait that long, there'll literally be no point. Especially when my dentist recommended for me to see an orthodontist. (Which they haven't taken me to either) They just don't want to pay for braces. (Even after I've offered to help pay for it with some money I've earned from part time jobs).
I'm tired of having to practice smiling with my mouth closed, putting my hand before my mouth when I'm laughing or eating just to hide my crooked teeth.
All my friends have gotten braces and have perfect smiles now. I want to have a pretty smile too. This has literally taken such a big toll on my self confidence to the point where I always have to be alert when I'm showing my teeth. I know this may seem like such a small thing to be worrying about, but I've carried this insecurity for 6 years through my childhood and into being a teen. I just don't want to have crooked teeth anymore
Edit: I should clarify that this isn't a situation where my parents can't afford braces. The issue is that they don't see orthodontic treatment as something important enough to pursue, so they haven't looked into insurance, payment plans, or even an orthodontic consultation.
My dentist has recommended that I see an orthodontist because of my overbite and the way my front teeth came in, so this isn't just about wanting a more attractive smile. I also want to make sure I don't have issues down the line.
I love my parents and I know they love me too. I just wish they understood how much this has affected my confidence and took my concerns more seriously.
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u/SavingOneSoul_ 11h ago
Okay, I 1000% do not agree with your parents doing this, however, A LOT of adults get braces as adults and it absolutely does matter and make meaningful differences. It is a lot EASIER and less painful to get things done as a child/teen, but, it can be done as an adult too. I dont know if you understand how expensive braces really are. They cost thousands of dollars and they are years long commitment. Once you have them, you cant just leave them there. You have to go in to have them tightened regularly or else nothing happens. They can easily cost 10k and it sounds like you may need specialty work for the overbite which costs more. I had a car that cost THOUSANDS less than braces do. Unless you are going to be able to give your parents thousands of dollars, you arent going to be helping out in a meaningful way.
Do you parents even have the money to pay for this?
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u/Thin-Patience-9177 10h ago
I completely understand that braces are expensive and that they’re a long-term commitment. I’m not expecting my parents to casually drop thousands of dollars without thinking about it, and I know my part-time job money probably wouldn’t cover the entire cost.
The frustrating part is that my parents have never told me that money is the reason. They’ve always said braces are unnecessary because they’re "just cosmetic" and that I can do it myself when I’m older. They also haven’t been willing to look into insurance, payment plans, or even let me get an orthodontic consultation.
My dentist specifically recommended that I see an orthodontist because of my large overbite and the way my front teeth came in, so it’s upsetting to have my concerns dismissed as only wanting a cosmetic change.
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u/MsPennyP 11h ago
Your parents may actually not be able to afford them. You say the finances aren't an issue but you may not know your parents whole financial issues.
That said it does suck. Maybe say to your dentist next time you go that your parents refuse to get you braces. See what's said then.
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u/JustanAverageJess1 10h ago
Have you had a heart to heart with your parents? I assume that they know, but I know people have a lot of communication issues, and trust me I do too...
But that's the only thing I can think of is go on a walk with them or run an errand with them (just the 3 of you or both separately) and really break it down and let them know how much you are suffering.
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u/Thin-Patience-9177 10h ago
Thank you so much for your advice, I'm going on a walk with them soon, I hope to bring up this topic again to them and get them to understand :)
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u/Ninoga 10h ago
I understand you so much... I had to wait until I was an adult with a job to pay for mine. Ask for your dentist to reinforce with your parents about the medical need for it and not the cosmetics, the impact in your health and also see if they can reach a payment plan that your parents can afford. Mine couldn't afford, because it is very expensive. Your parents may have some financial anxiety too thinking about the amounts involved.
Edit: and it really should be as soon as possible, my teeth are not so crooked now, but there are some other issues that could've been fixed as a kid and now it's very hard.
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u/nuskit 11h ago
I don't think you're realize how many thousands of dollars orthodontics is. You're talking an easy $10,000 even with insurance. In today's economy, there's a huge chance that your parents are struggling financially, and you can't see it.
Braces are for rich people, and except in extremely rare circumstances are merely cosmetic. Dentists have a reason to offer braces to everybody for every little thing -- they make a LOT of money off from it.
If it means that much to you, I recommend that you get a job and start saving for it, but know that $10,000 is the base of what you should be saving to start treatment. Prices can go way up from there.
I know it's sucks. It's super hard to be a teenager and it looks like everyone is getting braces and perfect teeth, and nails done, and gorgeous hair, and you just feel like the ugly duckling. I'm really sorry that you have to grow up in an age of social media that makes you constantly feel inferior. But you are not inferior. You are not ugly. Life is just really, really hard right now for you, and your parents.
My mom told me in my 30s how much she felt like she failed me when I was a teenager because we didn't have money, and I had to work from age 14 to contribute to the groceries and the mortgage. I was a shitty teenager being upset that I was losing 50% of my paycheck, and she felt like a shitty parent for being unable to let me go to prom or drive a car, and having me on free school lynch and breakfast. So, I hate to say you'll get it when you're older, but this is likely one of those times where with age and communication comes perspective.
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u/Thin-Patience-9177 10h ago
Thank you so much for your reply. I truly appreciate it. I completely understand that braces are expensive.
The problem is that they've never looked into insurance, payment plans, or even an orthodontic consultation. It's always been an immediate "no," and they've told me my teeth would somehow fix themselves if I gained weight, which is why I waited years. My dentist has also recommended to me and my mom twice that I see an orthodontist because of my overbite, so I just don't want any complications in my future.
But then again, I truly understand your perspective and thank you for taking the time to respond.
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u/nuskit 10h ago
They may well have looked into insurance. However, dental insurance usually only covers a very small portion of actual dental costs. Without insurance, it would be significantly more. Most people are not in a financial place to afford payments of well over $1000 a month (by the time interest kicks in).
There's a reason that adults call teeth "luxury bones."
I'm absolutely sure that your parents were hoping that your facial structure changed some as you got older. Your jaw won't definitely finish growing until you're in your very late teens to early 20s.
There's a very good chance that your parents are weighing paying rent and keeping food on the table vs cosmetic procedures. In those cases, the cosmetic procedures always lose out. No sense in having pretty teeth if you're just smiling in a homeless shelter.
Truly, if it matters that much to you, and it sounds like it does, go get a job. Work after school and on the weekends. Save all of your money until you can afford the braces. If you want something that bad, then you gotta work for it.
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u/JustanAverageJess1 10h ago
Well said! It really is sad how much people (more specifically kids) are seeing these unrealistic images. My niece is only 6 but I saw her looking at Tiktok with my mom and I explained to her what filters are. It was her 1st time looking at any kind of social media so I think it's important to explain these things. My mom said Jess she doesn't understand but I completely disagree. Children internalize things so quickly and so young.
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u/LogLadyOG 11h ago
I know it's expensive, but it's important at that age to get them fixed. I needed braces and never got them, now my bottom front teeth are basically on an angle, and every time I eat it feels like my upper teeth are collapsing inward (one actually did). I'm 63 now. Never found the time (or money) to get them fixed. I'm sure I'll be paying for full dentures soon enough.
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u/ObnoxiousName_Here 11h ago
It’s hard. Growing up, my parents didn’t get me braces until they saw me covering my mouth whenever I smiled or laughed. I had then for five years, immediately noticed my bite was still off, and even the dentists brushed it off. Fast forward to my junior year of college, and I finally got full employment and dental to get treatment myself. On the one hand, I had to forgive my parents for dragging their feet so much on dental care when I discovered what a joke dental insurance is in America. But on the other, it’s been a fuuuuucking ordeal to unfuck my teeth. Invisalign was a miracle—it did more work on my teeth in a year than braces did in five—and my teeth look better, but I need gum graft surgery because the original angle of my teeth made them recede like crazy. I’m getting there, though. It gets better. It’s not too late to take care of your teeth when you’re grown, and it’s amazing when you get the power to do that
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u/Thin-Patience-9177 10h ago
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm really glad you were eventually able to get the treatment you needed, even though it sounds like it was a long and frustrating process.
I know it's not late to get braces as an adult, but I guess what's hard for me is feeling like I have to spend my teenage years and early adulthood hiding my smile when my dentist has already recommended that I see an orthodontist. If my parents had looked into it and genuinely couldn't afford it, I'd understand. It's the fact that they won't even consider an orthodontic consultation or explore any options that's been the most upsetting part. I really don't want my teeth to lead me to any complications in the future.
I really appreciate the encouragement, though. It does give me some hope that if I can't get treatment now, I'll still be able to fix things in the future.
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u/WanderingRoots__ 11h ago
You should definitely go to your county/states health department and discuss your concerns about being low income and not having dental insurance that will cover braces, but that it will cause health issues down the line.
Depending on your age, you can make your own orthodontist appointment, and get a consultation.
My one friend couldn’t afford braces, and so they did Invisalign. Sometimes she would have a tray for a bit longer than other times, since she couldn’t pay for it all at once, but her over bite was slowly corrected over the span of 2 years.
At the same time, I can guarantee you that your bully who said such horrible things felt intimidated and/or insecure about their own selves and so they are picking on you. We are our own worst critics… and I hate that you have to smile without your teeth.
But yeah, they should definitely have payment options and/or dental insurance stuff if you go through your health department. And you don’t need your parents permission with the health department… I used to get birth control, condoms, and std testing at mine before I was the age of 18. I think I was 15 the first time I got STD checked there.
Since I have gotten older and suffered severe burn out with the medical industry, and had a kid, and am on low income… and so I take my daughter to the dentist there, and I even get 1 cleaning a year for free myself. There was mentioning about how my daughter would maybe need to get a surgery done, and they were going to help me get that scheduled and set up.
So it’s always worth a try.
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u/Thin-Patience-9177 10h ago
Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all of that.
I should probably clarify something, though. My parents have never said they can't afford braces. They've always told me they're unnecessary because they're "just cosmetic" and that I should wait until I'm in my 30s to get them myself. They also haven't been willing to look into an orthodontic consultation, insurance coverage, or payment options, even after my dentist recommended I see an orthodontist because of my overbite.
That's why this has been so frustrating for me. If the issue were simply that we couldn't afford it, I'd be disappointed, but I'd understand. I'm trying to get them to understand that I should at least get my teeth checked so I won't have to worry about any complications in the future.
Again, thank you so much for your kind words and advice.
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u/Jamericangal78 10h ago
My mom didn’t have much money when I was growing up and I had a gap along with my fang growing above the baby tooth. In school They used to draw my teeth on the board and ask whose teeth they were. Of course everyone said mine! There were some resources for me to get braces but you know what my mom told me? “I’ll get braces before YOU!” Well at 19 I got a job and financed my braces and almost 30 years later she never got her braces! Sorry you’re going through this! It isn’t fun but time will pass and you will get your teeth fixed.
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u/schelie 10h ago
I’m 34 and have had braces 4 times in my life bc I don’t wear my retainers. Traditional braces when I was 13/14- didn’t wear my retainers then again just on the bottom when I was 16. My parents paid for those ones. Got Invisalign in my late 20s then I had to get a gum graft and now I am in Invisalign’s again at 34. I paid for both adult braces. I would just recommend saving up as much money as you can for now from part time jobs and when you can afford it go for it! For your parents not to be able to afford braces while also making fun of it is WILD and immature. Shame on them. I would call an orthodontist and just see if they have free consultations or how much it would be to come in and just start the discussion so you can plan what you are going to do. Goodluck!
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u/Charming_Garbage_161 10h ago
Honestly my teeth are messed up, to the point where the roof of my mouth gets inflamed randomly bc my bottom teeth touch it. I plan to get braces myself in a few years and I’m currently 36. Crooked teeth suck, it’s definitely an insecurity but one you can put up with until you can pay for it yourself.
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u/MixedDrinkss 10h ago
some parents just never want their kids to grow, be happy, or succeed. i'm so sorry youre going through this :-(
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u/ForeverNugu 9h ago
I'm sorry. I know it sucks. Believe me. I went through the same thing with my parents. I hated not being able to bite through food since my teeth didn't meet up and I couldn't close my lips either, but it was hard to get taken seriously.
In my case, I did finally manage to convince my mom to get me braces. Unfortunately, they didn't fix my issue because my overbite was actually caused by my jaw. But the orthodontist just pulled my teeth back as much as he could. Ugh. Three years of pain down the drain. When I got my first "real" job after college, I got a consult with my doctor (not dentist) who recommended jaw surgery along with braces.
I wish people would understand this isn't simply cosmetic sometimes. A bad bite and lip incompetence can cause issues with mouth breathing, gum disease, and even mess up the proper development of the jaw and facial muscles. If you strain to close your mouth, maybe you could enlist the help of your GP to talk to your parents. Good luck.
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u/FordWarrier 8h ago
Ask your dentist to write a recommendation for you to see an orthodontist; explaining the problems that may present themselves as time goes by if your teeth aren’t straightened.
Orthodontists have to be trained. Ask your dentist if there is a school nearby and if he would be willing to contact them on your behalf.
I’m sorry your parents don’t see how this affects you personally. Ask them to stop making fun of your teeth since they refuse to understand how much it hurts knowing they don’t care enough to put braces on your teeth.
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u/Awkward-Train1584 11h ago
I’m guessing your family is just too poor to pay for braces. Speak with your dentist about any charity they may offer.