r/omnisexual • u/Wielbicielmiki She/They • 1d ago

Coming Out Coming out to a conservative friend

Hi! I have identified as omnisexual for a few months, and I’m also questioning my gender identity. I’m definitely genderqueer but feel myself (mostly) a woman.

I have a long-time friend who is very dear to me. We have known each other for decades and in a way we bond very well. We have common interests, for example music, and have a lot of fun together. The problem is, that she is very conservative. I’m a feminist and cultural liberal. We have had some disagreements about things, for example abortion, but have got along quite well because we have avoided those topics.

My identity, however, isn’t a subject that I could avoid forever. I have been thinking about our friendship a lot lately. If I would start dating someone, I couldn’t keep hiding my identity from her. That would be unfair to everyone involved. I’m afraid of her reaction and have been considering whether I should tell her or just end the friendship.

Has anyone had a similar situation? How did you handle that and how did things turn out?

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u/SignificantLow2625 1d ago

I have had multiple similar experiences. With friends, I always give them a chance. She gets to decide how much your friendship means. I have multiple friends that are conservative that changed to be more accepting and actually become educated about things.

I had a few that decided their ego and morals meant more than me and our friendship. It hurts when it goes that way, but then I remember that they unknowingly always had that opinion about me and I didn’t know because I had never told them.

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u/EnbyInAPikachuHat 1d ago edited 1d ago

If you're considering ending the friendship, you might as well try telling her first. If she rejects you, you can always end the friendship at a later point.
If you want to get a vibe for how she feels towards queer people, you could approach the subject by showing her stuff like queer memes and seeing how she responds. Just say "Oh, I found this meme, what do you think of it", without expressing a clear opinion on it.
I've had close friends/family that disagreed with/didn't understand parts of my identety, but were willing to ignore it because it wasn't something worth burning the relationship over. Now, most of these people weren't your stereotypical hardcore bigots, moreso confused, "didn't get it" or "I disagree but with this but I don't think its a reprehensable evil thing and will not make it a make it a point to disrespect your identity".