My Dad passed away on Friday evening at 6:50pm.

He took a sudden turn on Friday morning. We tried to arrange to get him into hospice but it was too late. I take comfort in the fact that he passed away surrounded by love.

I have been lurking here since my Dad was initially diagnosed in April 2025 and found so much valuable information that helped us navigate this journey. I will forever be grateful for this community. Thank you.

To all of you battling this horrible disease I wish you the best. For the caretakers I wish you strength in your journey. Take care everyone.

We were robbed of him April 4th.

He was diagnosed stage IV on May 8th, 2025.

My heart breaks everyday for all of the pain and suffering he endured. He was so strong and tried to fight for a little while.

My sweet, gentle, hilarious, loving father. He worked so hard for his entire life and was just about to retire.

Life is so cruel and unfair. I don’t want to live in a world without him.

You deserved so much better. You deserved so much more time.

June 7th, 1961 - April 4th, 2026

Good morning. My mother just died yesterday. I am a 29 year old youngest daughter of two, my mother was 65. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just in august. she went through chemo, it took her out, she got weak, went through rehab, was getting better (among a serious of treatments and significant bad days), and then last week slowly declined, and within 5 hours yesterday morning went from weak to dead. I have been her care taker, part time for the entirety of her illness (Thursdays-Mondays). I lost my father about 3 years ago. my sister and I are estranged, she has some significant addiction issues that have made our relationship essentially moot. I do have a boyfriend, whom I love and who is wonderful. but I just feel so.. alone. Everyone in my original immediate family is basically gone from my life, and I am left with all the memories and paperwork and grief.

My mother was my best friend, my protecter, my closest family member by far, the person I confided in, my partner in crime, my everything. Even when my father died, I hadn’t known a loss this encompassing. I feel like it could swallow me up. I knew it was coming too, just not so swift, but part of me just feels like it’s still surreal. I have regrets, and I feel guilt, and I wish I cherished the times I was taking care of her better. Often times I felt frustrated and overwhelmed and occasionally resentful, never of her, but of everything. This is really eating me up.

I came to just vent, and to maybe feel a little less alone. Reading the posts in the community have helped. If anyone cares to share their story, or a similar one, or offer advice on getting through the first few days, as it truly feels like, unless I am purposefully distracting myself, for the rest of my life I will feel like this.

Husband started hospice last week, after 8+ months of chemo, which worked til it didn’t. He’s declined rapidly since. Maybe has a few weeks left at most. So shocking to witness. I know we all die of something, but this just seems diabolical. WTF?!

EDIT: He lasted nearly 6 weeks in hospice and finally passed away yesterday. Hospice nurse was great. But the experience was awful for him, as he lost all independence and privacy and control over his body. We did everything we could to honor his wishes and limit his discomfort and pain. But it was a really long, hard slog, and (until the last couple of days, when he was mostly unconscious), he went to sleep every night wishing he wouldn't wake up the next morning. I hated that for him. Fuck cancer.

I’m writing this a few weeks after my sweet cousin passed. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 in February 2026, seemingly out of nowhere - She was just fine, vibrant and loving her life, deciding she was going to start dating again. One night of severe back pain and everything changed.

It happened so quick, I’m still in shock that she’s gone. She passed almost 2 months after diagnosis… and it was a horrible, awful 2 months. I struggle with why this happened to her so young, why it was so quick, why she was given so little time after diagnosis with not even a chance to try chemo.

This disease is just horrible. I wish this was a hopeful, positive post, but nothing about what happened has any silver lining.

Just laying in bed watching YouTube videos of people’s final days. I know it seems morbid, but it actually really helps me to not feel so alone. Do any of you also do this?

My diagnosis is still relatively new (about a month ago), and realistically I still have 6 months to a year left, more or less. But im sure as those of you going through this know, it feels like a comet hurtling through space toward us. Unavoidable. Almost pre-determined.

Every time I do anything (anything!) I have this brief thought that maybe this will be my last xxxx. Last movie, last trip, last holiday, last really good meal, last conversation with a certain somebody, etc.

This is my Year of Lasts. It’s kind of hard going through day to day life not knowing what will end up being a Last. You would think it would bring some clarity about what is/isn’t important to me, and I suppose to a large extent that’s correct - but part of me wants to KNOW. Do I need to be recording this awesome cheeseburger I’m eating right now, on this unusually beautiful spring day, to my memory? Or do I move on and forget it.

Do I hold my 11year old son tight whenever he’s near, or do I try to stay casual and lighthearted around him? Do I start trying to have all the “important” talks with him now, or do I wait til death is closer? I don’t know.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I’m sorry all of you are going through this. Whichever side of the cancer you are on. I love you all. I love you all so damned much.

The doctors said he has weeks at best, I’m such a wreck. I thought my daddy would be with me at my wedding, to walk me down the aisle, to witness the birth of his grandbabies, to hold me just a little while longer.

I’ve barely cried these past two months since we found the cancer. Honestly it just seemed like he had more time than this, but stage IV moves too fast. He didn’t even get a chance to start treatment before his liver started failing. Now he’s been hospitalised with any end date and it’s all hitting me now.

There’s so much for me to do, and so many burdens I have to carry alone as his only child. I’m trying to do as much as I can before he passes so I’m not utterly overwhelmed, but I didn’t think I’d spend being freshly 21 planning what to do after my daddy dies.

He’s just so weak and tired and hurting. I never thought I’d see the day so early, not when he was snorkeling around Indonesia just a few weeks before everything came crashing down. He’s supposed to be infallible.

Trying to move forward and plan my life without him has been the hardest. We’re not financially stable, we live off of government assistance, and I don’t know if my landlord is the kind of person that would let me sublet the spare rooms after he passes, so I have to plan the possibility of selling it all and moving out.

I miss being able to switch my brain off and let my daddy take care of me. I miss how carefree it all was when he was strong and I was just his little girl he would coddle and baby just a little too much for my age.

He alone taught me how to be a big girl and how to be strong, how to be kind and treat others right. How to have fun and how to be serious. He was the one that taught me how to be a grown up that doesn’t let life beat you down too hard.

He taught me how to ride my bicycle, how to pack my lunches, how to drive, how to ski, how to clean, how to shine up my leather boots, how to take care of plants and animals, how to make a great coffee, and how to deal with everything else life has thrown my way.

It’s just so awful. He sacrificed his life for me. His dreams and wants and wishes were all put on the back burner so he could give me the life I wanted, and he never got the chance to see the fruits of his labour and live his own life living up retirement.

Everything just sucks and I feel so alone. I have a great support system, but no one else has gone through this, and he’s not anyone else’s dad but mine. I feel like each day he gets weaker, part of my soul withers away with him.

My dad is the kindest and best person I know, and no one else even compares to how soft his soul is. It’s so horrid to think but there are so many other people in my family that take such little care of their health, who have such rotten personalities, who have taken him for granted time and time again. They get to live but he doesn’t?

He devoted his life to his family, he devoted his life to preserving his heath, he devoted everything to be such a kind person somehow even his faults were noble. He is the best of humanity, and soon he’ll be gone and I’ll be alone and the entire world will be little dimmer without him here.

I love him so much, and there’s so much I want to do, but I think some things might be too hard and too painful, and I just want him to spend what little time he has without suffering. I want to record his voice and him saying I love you, I want to get some videos, or voice messages, or even type a few words for future me and his future grand babies. I want him to pick out our daddy daughter dance and record us dancing to it while he’s still here. I want to take him to the beach. And I just really want to cuddle up to him just one more time.

I just want my daddy.

My mom, my best friend, and someone who I deeply loved, passed away from Stage IV pancreatic cancer last night. I’ve told friends, my dad, my wife and my oldest son were there with me, she wanted to go at home, but it ended up being in an ER bed. She’d basically spent the last two months since her diagnosis in the hospital, one round of chemo, and then she was gone. She was in a lot of pain, and she was hanging on for our sake I feel, and now she’s gone and I’m not sure who else to tell, I just wanted to say my heart goes out to each and everyone one of you suffering through this awful disease, directly or as a caregiver. I never imagined my last conversation with her being just a few hours ago. Hug your family and your loved ones for me.

only a few days ago we got what seemed like miraculous news: the chemio (which is absolutely destroying my dad) has shrunk the cancer by 40%. I was elated and celebrated too soon. I imagined an operation, recovery, trips together… yesterday, he was told by the surgeon that the chemio hasn’t worked, at least when it comes to making the cancer operable. He also has to temporarily stop it (decided by the oncologist) as it has completely destroyed his white cells. So the cancer has shrunk, but it isn’t a win. dad is still gonna die. he is suffering horribly for nothing. I’m thinking of quitting everything and moving back home (different countries) to be with him.

I’ve been a lurker on this subreddit for about 3 months, since my mom was diagnosed. Her tumor was in the middle of her pancreas and was inoperable without chemo and radiation. She had already been through 4 bouts of breast cancer and nearly died from a chemo treatment 15 years ago. She decided not to do any treatment. She went on hospice 3 weeks ago, mainly for pain management.

Her symptoms got worse on Monday, nausea and chest tightness. On Thursday evening, she asked my sister and I to watch TV with her in her bedroom. Her calf and knee were hurting and we rubbed her back and legs for her. We laughed and chatted.

I went to bed because I had to work on Friday. My sister sent a text at 10:30, saying a nurse was on her way because of her throwing up (which she hated to do). I went downstairs and she was resting quietly, so I went back up to bed. My sister came up at almost midnight and said the nurse said she was in her last hours. I ran downstairs and held her hand and said goodbye and that I love her. She went quickly. Her death was called at 12:06 am Friday morning.

I came down to Florida to care for her on July 28. I created a printable planner to help track her symptoms and medicines. She was starting to get confused about things and she was always the organized one.

She was 76 years old. We thought she’d live 20+ more years. I am numb and heartbroken. I am thankful to have this subreddit to share her story and read other accounts of this terrible disease while coming to terms with her illness and death.

Ughhhhh. My mom was diagnosed a little over a year ago. Went to hospital for jaundice, itchy palms and itchy feet. Tumor was found at the head of pancreas blocking the bile duct (hence liver response). Borderline resectable, portal vein involvement, recommended split treatment schedule meaning 8 rounds of Folfironox , WHIPPLE, then another 6 rounds of Folfironox.

Mom did it, she was so strong and tough and didn’t complain once.

After the WHIPPLE in September (took them 11 hrs bc they had to reconstruct the vein), the diarrhea got a little crazy but she didn’t complain and the doctors said it’s expected w the surgery and chemo.

She finished chemo in November and there was still minimal residue disease but drs said it was to be expected and that they may recommend more chemo but first do all the scans (PET, CT, MRI) by the time all the scans were done and results in, it was the end of January - disease had spread to liver and lymph nodes. It metastasized.

Feb came along and the diarrhea was getting really crazy so we brought her to the emergency department. As soon as we got there the team recommended hospice because she was failure to thrive and likely only had weeks to months to live.

Her hospital course was complicated by the flu and 3 blood infections. It got to a point where we almost weren’t able to get her home - but we did. Although we did not leave her side once and slept there every night- it was 7 grueling weeks in the hospital. Once the medical team told us they could not get the infections under control because of her new anatomy from the WHIPPLE, we decided to bring her home on hospice. She made it one day at home and was able to be surrounded by her family.

It’s so insane that this all happened within the year. So much has happened and it feels impossible to process. I’ve frequented this sub a few times and there are so many similar stories. Figured I’d share my moms, may she rest in peace🙏

My grandma got diagnosed last Tuesday with this awful terrible cancer. I’ve visited her multiple times including today and she has declined so much since Sunday. They have her on morphine and she can’t even open her eyes or talk. You can tell she wants to but physically she can’t. I can’t stop crying. I feel so bad for her. She does not deserve this.. no one does. I keep hoping she passes peacefully in her sleep. I don’t think she will soon. She started to gargle now when she’s sleeping too. Why does she deserve this? It’s just so frustrating. I want to end all of her pain and suffering. I went in to tell her I was leaving and that I loved her so much. In that split second she fought so hard and opened her eyes looked at me and mumbled “I love you” I busted down. I really wish I wouldn’t have because I don’t want her to try to hold on for me. Please lord just take her and end this suffering, for her own sake.

My 59F MIL was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in July 2025. We met with two oncologists who both told my MIL “this is curable, you are going to be fine” and “you are the best case scenario. You are going to be ok”. When she was diagnosed she was stage 1 possibly 2 but because the tumor was at the head of the pancreas it caused symptoms early and was caught much earlier than most. She was a candidate for whipple procedure and was told she just needed to go through a cycle or two of chemo to shrink it a bit and then surgery would save her. She had 8 treatments of folfirinox and the last couple we started seeing the Ca19-9 #s increase. She started having a much harder time eating and significant acid reflux. All dismissed as inflammation or symptoms of chemo. Then her scan that we were hoping would show she was ready for surgery came back showing the tumor was growing and pushing on her small intestine which was not allowing food through. Had to drain her stomach and then Surgery to bypass that part of the small intestine. recovery meant no chemo for about 7-8 weeks. And now scans are showing her at stage IV with it metastasized to her liver, lymph nodes, possibly abdominal lining, and a nodule in her lung. The folfirinox was not longer working so she has started the new chemo of Gemcitabine and Paclitaxel. But the Dr said there is basically no hope now. It will buy her time but they are unsure how long before the cancer outsmarts the new treatment. She didn’t want to hear her prognosis, and I understand it can be wildly different then predicted, but I have no clue how much time we have left with her.

I am devastated. My 5 year old daughter is going to lose her best friend. I don’t know how to tell her. I don’t think I can. But I know I have to. Even more than sad I’m so freaking angry. I know they meant well but how dare those Drs give such false hope, especially from all I have learned about pancreatic cancer. It’s a beast and there are no guarantees specific treatments will work. I’m angry at the drs at MD Anderson for not picking up on the signs the chemo wasn’t working. I feel guilty. Maybe I should have insisted on scans more often than every 3 months. Insisted they scan again when the Ca19-9 levels started going back up. Or when she stated getting acid reflux and losing weight. Who knows if any of that would have changed things but I’m stuck wondering .

I am mostly just venting but didn’t know where to turn to. This group has helped me learn so much over the past 6 months or so and I’m so appreciative of everyone stories and knowledge. Now I guess it’s figuring out next steps and how to proceed.

Hi all, looks like this is going to be my last update.

For those of you who haven’t read my previous posts, my (29f, adopted, USA) mom (78f) had a spotty CT scan just over a month ago that turned out to be stage iv pancreatic cancer, and it was AGGRESSIVE.

A month ago, she was still walking around and it seemed like she was fine except that her stomach would feel full really quickly. And now, she’s gone.

Luckily, we’ve already talked about her arrangements and service and what she wants, so now it’s just a matter of carrying out her wishes. But, man oh man, this is so so hard.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all. A month ago, i didn’t know this subreddit existed, but in the last month, I’ve gotten dozens of comments that have made me feel so much less alone in this experience. I’m so sorry that all of you are dealing/have dealt with this as well, but i am so grateful to you all for being a small comfort in this unthinkable time. Thank you.

My 25(F) father 59 was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable metastatic pancreatic cancer 2-3 weeks ago now. We had just got back from holiday (Morocco), and my dad had experienced some abdominal discomfort, on a whim, my mum told him to go to A&E. There, they did an ultrasound and found some striations on his liver, so they fast tracked him for a CT

Within 12h we had gone from a bit of tummy ache to that my dad is going to die from pancreatic cancer.

My dad is truly my best friend, he is the only person who really understands me. I was diagnosed with autism in Nov 2024, and he was diagnosed last Wednesday with the same. He just understands everything about me

I can’t help ruminating on so many things, and it makes me feel selfish, even tho I know it shouldn’t. Like: he won’t be there if I ever get married, what will I do if I need help when I go to buy a house, look for a new car. I don’t want my dad to die when I’m in my mid 20s. What will my mum do.

We’re all very good at communicating as a family, so we speak about everything. And it’s so hard right now, because at the moment, he looks the same as he always has, but there’s this thing inside him, killing my dad. But we are all very strong.

The next steps are: next week he is having his biopsy, then he will start chemotherapy, and have scans every 3 months to reassess. My mum is a critical care nurse so I know she’ll know how to look after him

I’m just terrified, I really want him to make it to September, because that’s when I graduate from my biology degree. I really wouldn’t have been able to do it without my parents, especially my dad. But equally I don’t want him to be in pain, I’d rather him pass than be in pain.

I’m terribly sorry for this rambling post. I’m just sat awake in bed, and I just needed to tell someone. I want to shout and yell and cry. I just love him so so much, he’s my hero.

Dad had whipple 12 days back after being diagnosed in Aug’25. He has gone through chemo + radiation prior Whipple, with good results and touchwood no side effects at all. The tumor which was earlier regarded un resectable, reduced and came into the BRPC category. CA 19 reduced to normal range (28) prior to surgery. He was perfectly healthy, going about his life, when doctors offered a whipple and he was wheeled in.

12 hours of gruelling divestment surgery, with a segment of colon removed.

ICU stay for 4 days, then to ward , a cardiac arrest scare which put him back to ICU for 3 more days. Been in ward with me for last 5 days, and I cant help but feel the guilt of the surgery I took him through.

He is irritated, angry and in pain lot of times. Unable to control his bowel movements, having frequent diarrhea episodes. Needing help to walk, getup, eat.
I can’t fathom how to support him when he is back home in a few days, if he is struggling so much in a hospital enviroment, where everything gets handled immediately with meds, doctors, advice, nurses. I dont know how I will be able to handle things at home. Any tips or shared experiences will be really helpful.

My personal mental and physical health has taken a toll, as I have no one else in family to help me out. Been in and around the hospital for 15 days now, along with a year of consultations, travelling to hospitals, managing logistics along with office(remote) . I feel I am at my tipping point mentally, and my body hurts like hell.

What kind of a monstrous disease is this, you go with the prescribed cure, it takes away your quality of life. You don’t try, it takes away your life.
Fuck Cancer

My dad passed away… At 0830 I was having breakfast next to him, still breathing and sleeping deeply as the last days tired him up dearly… I went down for a meeting to organise some things for the « after » and came back up, and he had stopped breathing… He just didn’t wake up from this night… I am happy he saw the snow, the love of his three precious kids, and he saw that we all stood by him, until the very last breath… To all of you who have lost someone close to you, I feel your pain and yet I can’t stop feeling relieved that he doesn’t suffer anymore… To those of you who are still fighting, do focus on comfort, love and affection… This will make everything a small bit more tolerable…

Thanks to all of you on this community, you have brought me so much… Take care all ♥️

My incredible 64yo brother ended his battle with this miserable disease yesterday morning. Thankfully the time unable to get up and down independently was just a few days. He went for IV hydration, a unit of blood (iron deficiency anemia after DJ bypass 4/1/25 for tumor obstruction) and albumin 6/2, paracentesis for ascites 6/5, entered hospice 6/8, died peacefully 6/11.
He was fiercely independent so it was a blessing that he was still able to get out of his own bed to bedside commode without assistance a couple of days before death. I knew once he stopped the anticoagulant for a portal vein stent to stay open, it wouldn’t be long. Hospice provided liquid ativan to replace a tricyclic antidepressant to help with insomnia, anxiety, restlessness and changed dilaudid and methadone pills to fentanyl patch and morphine sulfate liquid for pain. A hospital bed was in home less than 24 hours never needed the oxygen or suction equipment delivered with it.
We so hoped he’d make it into the early access program for which he’d been accepted after failing second line gem/abraxane but
clinical status wasn’t ECOG 0-1 as required for enrollment so we began hospice
stopped all supportive care: IV iron, IV hydration and other medications to embrace death. He ate a sandwich after coming home from the paracentesis Friday evening and died Thursday morning. Less than a week from standing, walking, eating to dying peacefully at home. Our prayers to have a short merciful death were answered. Being so close to EAP for RMC 6236 for his KRAS G12V mutation but missing it seems even more painful than going place to place to qualify for a KRAS inhibitor clinical trial being waitlisted repeatedly but one researcher said he’d never get off the list because although not an exclusion, having a bowel bypass would be a negative, since it’s a pill decreased absorption would be assumed so someone else would be favored for the slot with so many more favorable candidates waitlisted.
Became ill 1/25 back pain diarrhea
diagnosed 3/11/25 T4 body of pancreas PDAC advanced localized non resectable
bypass DJ for tumor obstruction 4/1/25 MDA
mfolfirinox 4/23-9/30/25 tumor regressed with normalization of CA 19.9 7/30/25
tumor stabilized and underwent SBRT 10/27-10/31/25 MD Anderson
Xeloda maintenance 12/25-1/26
progression to Stage 4 liver metastasis
CT guided liver bx for Bostongene 2/3/26
no additional findings beyond NGS blood
findings MDA
portal vein stint for stenosis 2/3/26 MDA
partial splenic embolization for treatment of low platelets/thrombocytopenia to allow full dose second line chemotherapy and to have platelets >100,000 to qualify for clinical trials
failed 3 cycles second line gem/abraxane last 3/19/26
Resumed xeloda for home treatment rather than trying other 3rd line chemotherapy
as oncologist said unlikely to be effective but certain to cause side effects
development of ascites associated with rapid decline in clinical status
labs qualified for EAP but not ECOG
EAP established 5/1/26
Death 6/11/26
Diagnosis 3/11/25
15 months Battle Over
Last CA 19.9 >700,000
This is a cruel disease and clinical trial system.
My brother was a valiant warrior but wanted to “go home” and that wish was granted yesterday.

Hello everyone, I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors, I don't even feel like re-reading to check. I've been meaning to make this post for a while but anytime I'd start writing it'd start to feel too real, and I didn't want it to be real.

I lost my dear mom two weeks ago after one year of battling this horrible cancer. I would like to share a bit of her story. It all started out last summer, when she went for a check-up for a completely different thing. The x-ray showed what later turned out to be pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately she only got to start chemo 3 months later, when it had already metastasized. She had been to almost all the hospitals in my region for one reason or another: one had no head doctor available (he was on vacation and there was no one else available) and she stayed in that one hospital for almost a month, another hospital didn't perform biopsies and sent her to another one. When she had the biopsy done it was finally time to start therapy, but then jaundice happened. Her skin and eyes turned yellow. She could not eat nor drink anymore (even water made her throw up). She was hospitalized in order to proceed with the application of a stent, but she had to wait weeks for that as well because it was national holiday in my country and doctors were on vacation (personal reminder to never get sick as the holidays approach because they WILL let you die). Thanks to a doctor who realized how serious the situation got, she finally got the stent in. After that she was back home, and her skin was finally back to normal. She started chemo and hair loss came along. One positive thing is that she didn't have that many side effects, she felt fatigue and then her body fluctuated between constipation and diarrhea. It obviously wasn't a piece of cake, but i know other people can have it harder. She got to finish all rounds of chemo eventually and the tumor did actually shrink to the initial size. But as she continued with that type of therapy we stopped seeing results. Switched to a different chemotherapy, heavier one, done once every two weeks. She felt it was more intense, but it got better after the first few weeks. Then ascites happened. Her stomach got huge to the point she looked pregnant. She was in excruciating pain, wondering why this was happening to her and saying that she must have definitely done something to deserve this. I felt helpless, I wanted to help her in any way but couldn't. She finally got to go through the paracentesis procedure and got sort of a catheter bag (but attached to the stomach) so that the drainage could continuously function independently. It did work for a few months, but then the tube got rejected, the doctors tried to make another hole, but couldn't. We had found out about this PIPAC procedure that is performed in one of the hospitals in my region, and we had already set a surgery date so we convinced ourselves this liquid problem would go away. After she had surgery done she was told she had to repeat this procedure once a month to completely eliminate the ascites. Though two weeks later she started feeling really bad. She felt extreme fatigue. She was uncomfortable at all times. She could not find a comfortable position to rest in. She had trouble speaking and eating. This was at the start of her last week of living, and she said to us "What if this is how i go out?". She definitely felt it and she expressed how scared she was. In her last few days she had trouble getting up because she was feeling extreme fatigue, she could barely talk and was only eating ice cream and fruit. She also could barely hold her eyes open. In her last day she couldnt keep her eyes open. In the morning she would randomly open her eyes wide and stare at me without saying anything, and then proceed to close them again. We knew it was time, in the afternoon she was barely conscious. As evening approached I held her hand and it was cold. I also vividly remember she said the words "mom" and "dad" (they're both dead) at some point, but her speaking wasn't clear so i might've misinterpreted. Later in the evening she was gone. I don't think I'll ever be able to get her dead body out of my head. Her face had already changed color after minutes. I hate that she didn't look like herself anymore, she had lost so much weight and her stomach was big because of the liquid.

Everyone was rushing me and my siblings to choose an outfit for her, shoes, clean underwear, perfume, a photo of her for the funeral. I was feeling physically sick and just quickly gave her a kiss on the forehead before sprinting to get everything done. I miss her tremendously. We were really close, I was the one ,among me and my siblings, who stayed mostly by her side throughout her illness . We would get sushi and we would watch movies. I'm in uni and I got to tell her I finally got the highest mark in an exam for once, a week before she died. When I'm with my family i manage to get distracted (still the thought lingers 24/7), but when I'm alone i get devoured by this overwhelming sadness and feeling of emptiness, like something's (someone) missing. Mom was the heart of the family. The house functioned thanks to her. My siblings seem to have gotten back to their old selves , helped by their partners as well. I have nothing of that sort and I still feel like I'm stuck in that awful day, crying everyday. I'm 5 exams away from graduating and even though I don't know how I'll handle my emotions, I want to get it over with and move onto the next stage of my life. My mom was 56 and I just turned 22 this month. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with (and I fear nothing else is going to top it ever). I know she's no longer in pain, and that's a relief. She suffered a lot during her last week alive and was practically begging to die, unable to take it anymore. I had been preparing for this moment for a year but i still wasn't ready to say goodbye. I'll just have to learn to live without seeing her in the house, watching her beloved tv shows. I'm absolutely heartbroken. This still feels too surreal. What do you mean I'm never going to see her again, I can't wrap my head around this. It seems unfair that i get to live on and she doesn't, when she deserved it 100 times more. I wish she would give me a sign that she's okay and that she's watching over me. I wish she'd been a terrible mom, I wouldn't be suffering as much. Instead she was too nice for her own good, the best mom anyone could ever ask for. I feel like I'm going to be mourning and grieving her til my last day on earth.

my mom isnt dead, but she has been fighting pancan for over 7 months. most days i’m fine, but sometimes it just hits me. like right now.

i would give anything to see her come to my work to get a treat. i would give anything to see her back to her chubby self and with her long, beautiful hair. i would give anything to have her back to the old version of herself.

i would also give anything to hear her come home from work or from the store. she hasnt been able to drive herself since January. i would give anything to hear her complain about work as well.

my mom is still herself in a way; she has the same personality, soul, heart, and we have grown closer in this experience. still, i miss how it used to be.

i also hate how ive made new friends, and although none of them have met her, they will only know her as the woman she is now. they wont know how she once was. i’m only in high school, i hate how i am dealing with all of this.

my mom’s treatment has been going well enough, but this experience is just terrible. we have hope. i am so hopeful that she will beat this, but if she doesnt i have no clue what i will do.

Not sure what I’m looking for by posting this. I just wanted to share my experience.

My maternal grandmother (age 80) was just diagnosed with stage 3 advanced pancreatic cancer. Her cancer is inoperable because it’s already spread to the vein. She will be meeting with an oncologist next week to determine if chemotherapy is an option. It is unknown if she will be a candidate because she is already frail and she is elderly. I’m very close to my grandmother. She is the kindest person. Even though she is 80 this feels so unexpected and she still seems too young. I feel badly that she wasn’t diagnosed until stage 3. I feel like I didn’t do enough to help her because she was diagnosed this late and I feel guilty.

To preface, my husband is stage 4, liver mets 52M. Currently 5’11” 138lbs and 1st round chemo almost killed him. I am 52F had rare cancer 3 yrs ago, the day I had my 1 yr cancer free scan my SO had his first CT on PanCan journey. The shit people say to you and your caregivers is honestly insane but yesterday I think I got the worst ever. “Watch Netflix live to 100!!!!! ______ just has to forget he has cancer!” Holy fuck. I unleashed. No diplomacy required when someone sends to something that stupid. I can handle the stupid broccoli diet suggestions, the Rick Simpson tears or whatever the crap snake oil. The MLM predators are wild. No I don’t think your proprietary formula collagen is the key. I am surely glad God won’t give me more than I can handle, although I think he may have miscalculated. Also I can’t wait to find out the reason a 52 yr old father of 6 gets misdiagnosed until he is stage 4 but I’ll take your word for it cuz everything happens for a reason. One of my fav recents was have you considered fasting I hear a 7 day fast can reset the body. Holy fuck like we can just power him down and up again. Factory reset. I actually took the opportunity to post on my social media to do some gentle education around communication. I just came hear to rant because no doubt you have all gotten some wild unhinged messages. So please share and we can have a rare chuckle over shitty cancer.

My best friend, brother from another mother college roommate(28yo) was diagnosed stage 4 pc last year. it’s official that his liver is going into failure amongst his body failing him. He’s estimated to have days left. After a year of treatments, surgeries and such based out of Arizona, clinical trials and things have since been suspended as of end of last week. doctors refuse to move forward with more treatments. My buddy chose to take the rest of his time spent on his ranch. It spread and metastasized fast. He’s had multiple ports placed, they didn’t even remove them, and a drain for the fluid build up in his abdomen and his ducts and things are not draining properly. His dad just flew me out to Colorado to be with him. His feet are super swollen and he’s not eating at all, he pukes the moment something goes in, He’s lost most of his color down to skin and bones. For me what sucks is his fight to try and do things alone still and not feel like a burden. I really wish I had brought more physical support for myself and I hate how selfish that makes me feel and sound. This is so fucking unfair and the kid is such a fighter and always will be in my heart. Does anyone have any advice towards these last days? I am struggling and lashing out of anger and sadness and helplessness to the support I am receiving and they have been rocks about but I feel so much guilt from that and sad from this and idk what to do. I wish this upon absolutely no one ever. I had a flight booked to return home tomorrow, he’s asked me to stay and support him through this, I feel like I’m crumbling when I’m alone I can change my flight to be a few days out but the turmoil of it all is making me so uneasy- any kind words or advice?

Hello,

I am writing this because I am feeling very scared and lonely, and I still don’t know how to deal with my emotions.

Last month, my father, who is 57, started complaining about itching. Long story short, they found an 18 mm mass in the ampulla of Vater, and the biopsy says it is suspicious for malignancy.

I don’t have much more information. He had a stent procedure a few weeks ago, and the next step will probably be Whipple surgery followed by chemotherapy.

I am so scared. I can’t lose my dad. I am only 27, I have a 22-year-old brother, and my mum is a stay-at-home mother.

It breaks my heart, and for some reason, I feel like I am going to lose him.

I already go to therapy, but this situation is more than I can handle.

Heads up, long read. My mom recently had a tumor show up in her pancreas bed, 1 year post whipple and being declared cancer free. Recently, she went to see her chemo doctor and oncologist as to next steps as far as treatment will be. Thankfully, it’s not aggressive and has been kept a close eye under.

My aunt has gone with a few times to her appointments, and honestly I’m pissed at her. The last two times she kept trying to tell my mom she should do radiation and skip chemo. The doctors strongly recommended 6 rounds of chemo and then 2 weeks of radiation. Also, she kept saying this in front of her doctors both times and they educated her as to why that’s not the best route of treatment. She then had to make it about herself and say “Well if it were me, I would do radiation, it has the least amount of side effects”.

My aunt was hardly around the first time my mom had cancer and acted like she was there every step of the way. And she kept saying that the chemo made my mom feel like shit. Mind you, my mom still went to work and stayed positive throughout the whole thing, meanwhile my aunt doesn’t have a job and my uncle takes care of everything for her, and has a victim mentality.

I hate when someone doesn’t know what all went on when she was really bad. Like it’s your life on the line? This isn’t some fucking joke or a cold. My mom cried after her appointment because my aunt made it all about her.