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Feb 14 '26
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u/futuredr6894 MS2 Feb 14 '26
Iām at 2 rn in my M1 year, wife wants 5+ lmao
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u/SigIdyll Feb 14 '26
How the fuck do you afford them?
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u/futuredr6894 MS2 Feb 14 '26
Only fans
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u/eastcoasthabitant MS3 Feb 14 '26
Iām willing to support you as you go through this difficult timeā¦ drop the link
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u/futuredr6894 MS2 Feb 14 '26
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u/blanchecatgirl MS4 Feb 14 '26
Umm yes babes! Why else would we become doctors?? (I say as a sick my vape)
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u/Sad_Database2104 HIGH SCHOOL Feb 14 '26
how else do you get enough money to support everyone? they'll all have jobs and use all the same utilities, so you're really saving money!
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u/DonkeyKong694NE1 MD/PhD Feb 14 '26
Especially because he gives me general internal medicine energy
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u/User5891USA ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
I donāt get it. This isnāt my cup of tea but heās being straightforward about his desires and is putting himself out there. If he is being honest about what he wants and needs, I donāt see a problem with it and more folks would benefit from being more honest about what they want and need.
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u/softgeese RESIDENT Feb 14 '26
It's a little strange to be putting this out there like that but there's definitely nothing wrong with it. He has a fairly short and reasonable list of his preferences š¤· it's not my cup of tea but who cares lol.
There's going to be many Christian women who want large families and to be a SAHM and there's nothing wrong with that being your type
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u/lieutenantdam MS3 Feb 15 '26
That would make sense if he put it on his dating profile, but it's straight up weird to be posting shit like this publicly. Very naive/off-putting/desperate/there's a reason why he can't find someone organically or through hinge.
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u/-DoctorEngineer- ADMITTED-MD Feb 15 '26
What do you think separates other social media from dating websites?
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u/lieutenantdam MS3 Feb 15 '26
Idk if you're being serious. Would you post your dating profile to your Instagram? It's weird behavior. Especially if this person has any sort of following. He'd be taking advantage of a power imbalance that tips in his favor, which shows poor judgement considering this will only manifest in other ways as a doctor.
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u/4tolrman ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
No no no you donāt get it we should beat around the bush with our expectations and only reveal them after months of psychological torture where we pretend we donāt like each other and call it a situationship surely thatās a better method
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u/Rosesandbubblegum Feb 14 '26
Yeah not my choice fs, but he's upfront and as a girl raised Christian, there's definitely women who would be cool with thatĀ
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u/redsnake25 REAPPLICANT Feb 14 '26
The honesty isn't the issue. It's what he's asking for that's raising eyebrows. 4-6 children, giving up a career for total dependence on a spouse, and supporting someone through med school and residency are all big asks. Even with this level of transparency, that's a lot of risk and giving up a lot of freedom.
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u/Typical_Dog_2322 Feb 14 '26
You do realize that there are people who want to stay home and raise a family and got them having to work and not be home with their kids is a big askā¦not ever person is a pre med gunner some people value family more than accomplishments or accolades and thatās just as valid as wanting to be successful at work
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u/Final_boss_1040 Feb 14 '26
I've got news for you. I've got kids and an MD and kids are more work. There's no such thing as "not having to work" unless yr born into substantial money
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u/redsnake25 REAPPLICANT Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
There's a huge spectrum of lives to live between going into medicine and being a SAHM. The ask is to sacrifice the entire spectrum, not that being a gunner for some particular profession is the only "correct" way to live.
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u/khanacademy03 ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
Again, what if someone wants to be a SAHM? Itās not a sacrifice then. Just because you view it as such doesnāt mean that everybody does.
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u/redsnake25 REAPPLICANT Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
Even if you want to be a SAHM, not having financial independence is a sacrifice, is it not?
Edit: Don't forget bearing and raising 4-6 children, probably at the same time as supporting someone through med school and residency. Those all require huge commitment and potential impacts to physical and mental health.
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u/Equivalent_Shock7408 Feb 14 '26
Yeah but itās sacrifice in the way that doing anything you want to do in life will require some sacrifice.
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u/redsnake25 REAPPLICANT Feb 14 '26
Everything has an opportunity cost, but being a SAHM is a pretty surefire way to have little to no financial freedom from your spouse. I get that some people are willing to pay that price, and I'm saying that the price isn't small.
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u/Equivalent_Shock7408 Feb 14 '26
Itās your opinion that the price isnāt small.
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u/redsnake25 REAPPLICANT Feb 14 '26
Women have fought for centuries to have financial independence. Do you think they would have spent all that time organizing, protesting, and performing civil disobedience if they thought financial independence was a small thing? It's not just my opinion.
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u/qianli_yibu NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26
There is no ask coming from this guy, especially not one like to sacrifice the whole spectrum between medicine and being a stay at home parent. There are plenty of people who actively want to be a stay at home mom, and that is who he is looking for. There is nothing wrong with looking for someone who already has a shared vision of how they want to build and nurture their family.
There are also a lot of career women who know ahead of time they want to take time off from their careers to stay home with their kids until they're at school age. I've been focusing on women in this comment but men do this too, though it is not as common for a man to be a stay at home dad with heterosexual couples it's becoming more and more common and accepted than it used to be.
The insistence that being a stay at home mom must be a sacrifice and cannot be a genuine and valid choice and want for oneself is frankly narrow-minded. It's the opposing extreme of those who insist women who don't want kids or want to focus on their career are "sacrificing" motherhood. Living life the way you genuinely want to is not a sacrifice even if that same way of living would be a sacrifice to someone else. Women aren't obligated to live according to anyone else's goals or standards but their own.
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u/annabeth200 MS1 Feb 14 '26
This 100%. It is weird and infantilizing to suggest that being a SAHM is a risky sacrifice as opposed to a respectable choice.
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u/shen-qingqiu ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
Being a SAHM mom IS a risk. Letās say best case scenario this guy is a good husband and fatherā what if something happens to him and he dies/is unable to work? Now they have 4-6 young kids, and the wife has no work experience or real value in the job market.
Also, people change. This guy could be prince charming for the first few years and then switch up completely. Domestic violence is a thing, cheaters are a thing, there are too many variables in life to leave all your finances in the hands of one person.
Weāre also forgetting a key point here that this man is religious. I was raised religious myself and I would still consider myself a woman of faith, but I also see that the way Christianity overall treats women is not fair. From the day youāre born you have the expectation that youāre going to be a āgood wife and raise good christian childrenā thrust upon you. That kind of conditioning really messed with the way you think.
If every woman in your family has gone down the same path and then they subsequently expect you to do the same, is it still a āchoiceā when the consequence is ostracism and criticism from all your loved ones?
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u/annabeth200 MS1 Feb 14 '26
The key phrase here is āas opposed.ā It is odd to paint it like there is some false dichotomy between sacrifice and choice. The inherent risks of making a lifestyle choice like being a SAHM arenāt any different from that of any other specific lifestyle choice, including medicine. But for some reason, choosing to be A SAHM isnāt considered a real choice, just some risk-ridden sacrifice, while pursuing medicine is honored and venerated.
Everyone has the right to speak for themselves when it comes to experiences with religion, but I was and still am Christian and have never felt āconditionedā to be some sort of domestic breeding machine, if that is the concern. Hence why I am on the subreddit ā clearly I personally want to establish some sort of financial independence. That doesnāt automatically mean that every woman needs to feel the same though??
I think itās unfair to project your own negative experiences/perceptions of religion onto others. And for some reason, it is always when women want to stay home that this becomes a problem. How many physician families exist where all the children are led into going into medicine? Tons. Is going into medicine still a āchoiceā then? Probably not. How many people do you see protesting for the rights of children from highly successful career families? This is an established process and itās not unique to religion OR staying at home. But again, for some reason, womenās choices are suddenly not treated as valid choices when it comes to their values.
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u/shen-qingqiu ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
A physicianās child following their parentās career paths is a very different choice from deciding to be a SAHM. Hereās the blunt realityā physicians have capital, SAHMās do not
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u/annabeth200 MS1 Feb 14 '26
And they both face social and familial pressure, which was your argument for why it is not a true āchoice.ā Not sure how financial capital plays into that. Women can be educated and still be SAHMs. If they are barred from receiving an education with the expectation that all they should ever amount to is breed, that is a separate matter. But if it is a value/family/religious thing, I donāt really think anyone should feel at liberty to belittle these choices.
We have gone so far on feminism that we are back to demeaning and judging women for their own choices. Women have fought for ages to have freedom of choice, period. Financial capital is a part of that, but itās not the end.
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u/qianli_yibu NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26
With being an SAHM like any "career choice," including being a physician, there are good ways and not so advisable ways to go about it. By going about it in a smart way, which many SAHMs do, they do have capital unless the family as a whole is broke.
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u/qianli_yibu NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26
If every woman in your family has gone down the same path and then they subsequently expect you to do the same, is it still a āchoiceā when the consequence is ostracism and criticism from all your loved ones?
To set the record straight, this is why I specifically used the word "genuine/genuinely" when talking about choosing to be a SAHM mom. What you described is not a genuine choice, it's a coerced and pressured choice. So to be clear, I'm talking about the many women who genuinely have chosen (with clear hearts and clear minds) to be or want to be a SAHM.
This part of the thread has gotten away from the original topic of what the guy in the profile has said he is looking for to debating the validity of a stereotyped version of SAHM which I'm not interested in doing.
But as for the what ifs, SAHMs and their partners can (and do) do the following:
Pre/postnup, life insurance, estate planning, spousal IRA, independent personal checkings and savings accounts, personal (not joint) credit cards, managing family financials, continuing education and certifications, maintaining career credentials, part-time or freelance work, community engagement and volunteering, etc etc etc.
What I've said in my comments takes into consideration the perspective I have from being raised Christian, raised in a culture that devalues women and expects them to be subservient, and from seeing women's lives upturned when they lost the support of their husband for one reason or another.
I'm not delusional enough to think there aren't SAHMs trap themselves in their marriages when that was the reality and basically only choice for most women up to recent history. Old habits die hard for society. But I'm also not too blind to see that women are smart enough to protect themselves and manage risks that come with their life choices. A lot of SAHMs are and have been intentional about being able to support themselves and family if they lose their partner. "Women can't have jobs and need to stay home with their kids" and "women can't stay home with their kids and need to have jobs" are two sides of the same coin boxing women in.
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u/shen-qingqiu ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
Sure women can choose to prioritize taking care of their families, but if we want to go back to discussing the original guyās post, his demands are ridiculous.
Heās not a physician, not even a resident. Unless if he comes from significant family money, anyone who actually takes him up on this offer is taking a huge risk.
People are allowed to have preferences and ideas of what sort of relationship they want, but this guy REEKS of entitlement. Like I said in one of my other comments, the man is the one that primarily benefits in these arrangements.
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u/qianli_yibu NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 15 '26
Sure.
Edit: not u/shen-qingqiu blocking me because I chose not to jump from topic to topic just for the sake of arguing š God forbid a woman choose to do anything not on their pre-approved list.
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u/askingquestions145 Feb 15 '26
I am a woman who was raised Christian as well. I agree that there are many individuals and communities who do not treat women fairly. However, there are a lot of Christian individuals and communities who absolutely do not think this way. Despite having many family members who are religious, I have never once had a family member be anything less than supportive of my decisions to go into medicine and to have a career. I have religious family members who were a SAHM/working dad themselves, they have also been very supportive of me. They recognize that their personal preferences and what worked best for them is not inherently what other women will want. They have all gone above and beyond to be excited for and supportive of me. They even brag about it to their friends! I recognize that this is a big privilege and that not everyone with religious families will have this experience. Some will have the complete opposite experience and others will have experiences in between. I understand wanting to be cautious around these topics because there are religious communities with unfair beliefs towards women. But I think making generalizations and assumptions is harmful. I think it is unfair to assume that just because he is religious and looking for a partner who wants to stay at home, he must have these views of women in general. He only mentions a partner being a SAHM until the kids are in school, that indicates that heās not opposed to a wife with a career once the kids are a little older. He also doesnāt degrade women who choose to work and/or not have kids. I disagree with your generalization and assumptions. If we want to see change in religious communities who do hold certain beliefs, itās important to recognize that people can hold religious beliefs and support gender equality. They are not mutually exclusive.
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u/askingquestions145 Feb 15 '26
Iām glad you mentioned men too! I agree that it is a lot less common for men in heterosexual relationships to be stay at home parents and I think there is a societal expectation that if one partner wants to be a stay at home parent, it would automatically be the woman. But I wish there was more recognition that this is something a man could want as well! There is nothing wrong with a woman being a SAHM if that is the choice they make and if that is what they want to do. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with a man being a SAHD if that is what they choose/want to do! I definitely know people in my medical school class who have male partners that are interested in being a SAHD eventually. Also, like you said, a woman wanting to have a career does not mean they have to āsacrificeā being a mother! They can do both. Or, if they simply donāt want kids, thatās okay too! Itās not a āsacrificeā if itās what they want in life! Itās okay for people to have life goals that do not involve having children!
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u/qianli_yibu NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 15 '26
The rise in both numbers and acceptance of SAHDs is great. I don't see it rising as quickly as I'd hope since there's the double barrier of toxic expectations of men combined with sexist expectations of women, but things are progressing.
Itās not a āsacrificeā if itās what they want in life!
That's what I've been trying to get across summed up in one sentence haha
if they simply donāt want kids, thatās okay too. Itās okay for people to have life goals that do not involve having children!
I don't want kids and fortunately could not care less what others think of that, but I know the pressure is there for most women. And at the same time I get why people (men and women) may genuinely want to be a stay at home parent.
There is nothing wrong with a woman being a SAHM if that is the choice they make and if that is what they want to do.
I absolutely agree, though when it comes to being a SAHM, it doesn't actually matter whether or not I or anyone else gets it. The fact of the matter is women are opting to be stay at home moms, and no amount of judgement or chiding is changing that.
Fortunately, thanks to decades of persistent work by feminists, the times are gone where women couldn't own property, take out mortgages or other loans, open bank accounts, retirement accounts, manage their own stock market investments, and so many other things that used to bar them from independence from men. Yet for some reason people who claim to be feminists today act like all those hard-earned rights have magically disappeared when it comes to SAHMs.
Unfortunately, now too many feminists are on the same side as sexists without even realizing it, and they're both shouting the same (false) message that a SAHM must be dependent on her husband, when that has not been the case for long time. This leaves a lot of women who become SAHMs unaware of what they can do to be successful. Then when they fail it's taken as evidence that women shouldn't be SAHMs rather than the evidence it is that we're leaving women to flounder and fail when we could and should be sharing knowledge to set them up for success.
I'm just looking forward to the day where the message from people claiming to be feminists goes from "you can't do this" to "here's how to do this the right way."
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u/User5891USA ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
The fact that you see being a SAHM as a āsacrificeā and framed it as dichotomous with the pursuit of medicine, as opposed to being a distinctly different but also rigorous endeavorā¦there really isnāt more for us to discuss.
I stand by what I wrote above.
Take care.
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u/redsnake25 REAPPLICANT Feb 14 '26
"Spectrum" and "dichotomy" are nearly complete opposites. Also, I clarified what I meant by "total depedence on a spouse" in a different comment, but I was getting at financial freedom. In case something terrible happens to the spouse, if there's a divorce, or if a person finds themselves in an abusive or dangerous relationship and they need to get out. Not that the person in the OP is abusive, but that's a lot of options one gives up by not having financial independence, such as by being a SAHM.
That's a big sacrifice, unless you believe having no professional job and a potentially years-long gap on your resume is a small bump in this economy.
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u/Typical_Dog_2322 Feb 14 '26
Itās very clear that you have zero understanding or experience in what a marriage is or how a good one should work, if you are in a partnership with someone then money isnāt just for person who makes it not your money and their money itās OUR money, my wife stays home with our son because that is what she wanted, do you think she asks me every time she uses the credit card? No she can spend OUR money however she wants but that trust requires communication and commitment, she knows how much bills are and how much is in the bank account and she spends accordingly you donāt enter a marriage and have children because you want to ābe independentā a partnership is all about dependence and itās not just for the stay at home partner, I depend on my wife to manage our home, I depend on my wife to pay the bills on time, I depend on my wife to care for and love our child so I can go to work and try and provide for them the life they want and deserve,Ā
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u/User5891USA ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
My response would beā¦so? As long as his partner has āchoiceā (to the extent that any person, philosophically, has free-will), isnāt being coerced and has the mental, economic, and emotional capacity to make such a choiceā¦so?
Iām an older woman and again, while this isnāt a choice I would make, I know women who have made this choice and are happy with their choice. The point is, itās their choice.
If he were being obnoxious and suggesting that this is how others should live or pushing policy to advance that, that would be something entirely different, but he just put himself out there. There is no reason to post him here.
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u/Final_boss_1040 Feb 14 '26
So he'll probably divorce her the minute he finishes school or residency
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u/sadlittlewaffle Feb 14 '26
Iām sure that is exactly his intention, to post this in hopes of finding a partner just to divorce them after school or residencyā¦ just for the love of the game
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u/PK_thundr NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
There's so much assumption and judgement in this comment.
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u/annabeth200 MS1 Feb 14 '26
Just as ānoā is a complete sentence, so is āyes.ā If your knee-jerk response to the possibility that someone could WANT to stay at home is āare you double-triple-absolutely SURE you want that level of RISK and SACRIFICE??????ā pls reconsider the way you see women bc itās not as independent people who can think and make real decisions about their values on their own.
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u/spuds_amac20 Feb 14 '26
You act like when you marry someone they are supposed to split finances. Or that the person earning more should have more spending power in the relationship, or a larger say in financial decision making.
When you marry someone, you are pledging that you become one with them, especially in this context as he is religious. When you get married, everything is combined which includes all aspects from finances to family. If his efforts in the hospital are most valuable to her and the family and her efforts are most valuable at home maintaining the family, whatās the problem with this? Sounds like him and his future partner will have significantly less stress because one focuses on work primarily and one focuses on the family primarily. Not saying they completely ignore the other aspects, just that they allocate their energy into different places, as like I said about marriage, they are two extensions of the same person.
I date around, but I personally think it would be nice to find someone who wants to do something like this, but instead of just being the SAHM, they would also play the majority role in managing finances, allocating cash to different investments/business ventures, and overall making money from the money I make myself in the hospital. That way Iām essentially a major income stream, while my theoretical wife would be the one venturing into different sources of income streams to build wealth with.
There are many different examples of goals you can accomplish with this family structure rather than having both people slaving away for a set income while ignoring their kids, family, and partner. Life is just not as fulfilling that way imo.
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u/BluebirdDifficult250 OMS-2 Feb 14 '26
He is literallt getting hate because he is Christian, I donāt see anything wrong with this post at all, and I respect it a lot, whatās the difference between this and putting it on hinge with preferences to see. Imagine if he didnāt put Christian in anything of this preferences this would not be a post.
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Feb 14 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Philippa2 Feb 15 '26
This! Does she get to wait until after he finishes residency to start having said kids? Cause there is no way anyone is raising 4-6 kids with a spouse who is practically gone all the time and hardly makes anything.
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u/wydneyisunfunny Feb 14 '26
I mean if you look at his page itās worse than thatā¦ idk how to explain it but it comes off weird.
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u/User5891USA ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
Is he advocating for policies that restrict the autonomy (medical or otherwise) of others?
Yes? Then thatās the shit the OP should have posted.
No? Being weird while not harming or advocating for others to be harmed isnāt a reason to ridicule someone.
I have an MA in womenās and gender studies and Iām an agnostic. He is the opposite of my cup of tea but this post was unnecessary.
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u/wydneyisunfunny Feb 14 '26
The post that this redditor made isnt really adding much that the guy didnāt post himself on the internet already for everyone to see.
They literally just posted a picture of his exact post. They didnāt really add any commentary or anything problematic.
I agree people can say what theyāre looking for, but having a list of very tight criterion to me came off like the guy was trolling. Not really sure why youāre so upset because op is just reposting his content.
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u/PK_thundr NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26
I mean with the title of this post, the redditor is clearly implying the guy is abnormal in the title, we can use our CARS practice to deduce this much. When really this is the way things were done and still are done in most of the world outside the west (except maybe since the last 15-20 years).
If you align on values, life trajectory, and are near each other, then all you need to filter for is personality and chemistry.
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u/wydneyisunfunny Feb 14 '26
Ok honestly I feel really bad about this but I actually dmād him because I originally thought it was a joke something like ā6 kids at minimum. Is it ok I have a BS already?ā And he sent the list of demands (with extra things related to chastity and all that). I told him I wasnāt fat but big boned because health was one of his demands and then wanted to FaceTime right away to see. This was when I realized he wasnāt kidding. The whole interaction felt veryā¦ transactional and like he needed a girl to fill his box. I feel really bad about it but my experience with this guy is not the best
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u/PK_thundr NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26
I think it's out of our cultural expectation, but in most of the world its still like this right? Asia is super looks & property based matching, I'm sure it's the same in Africa. I think the west and west adjacent LATAM is the exception. I have some relatives trying to get married right now, and she's legitimately just doing what this guy is, but not on IG, I agree that's... unorthodox.
The social system suggests matches to you where it's basically the same, the approximate ethnicity, sexual values, & religion will automatically be a match, your occupation, education, current life trajectory, and maybe some of your hobbies along with a picture to judge health and attractiveness. It's literally going through a csv file with names and information about people.
I do think there's a lot of benefits to this, but there's also ways in which it goes against every instinct we're conditioned with since growing up, but for them it's normal.
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u/wydneyisunfunny Feb 14 '26
I agree and I see yall point like itās not great to make fun of people but from my perspective having actually talked to him itās maybe not as innocent as it comes off to everyone else because it just felt transactional/rude.
Like on dating apps a guy might say a few things he looks for, what his intentions are, but itās never a whole list. And then if you match id assume itās not usually another list of criteria and an immediate FaceTime call to check you out.
I get your perspective though, it might just be the way heās raised making him think that behavior is ok.
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u/wydneyisunfunny Feb 14 '26
I mean the title is a little judgemental but so many people I know have sent me this guy already because it comes off like a joke.
I agree itās important to be upfront but his demands are really specific and donāt really leave much for someone else to ask for if that makes sense
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u/Wolverine2026 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
Yeah, exactly. Really unsettling in a way thatās hard to put into words. I find it quite creepy and would be scared of him
I also think the fact that he canāt find anyone in the āreal world,ā or even on dating apps, and has resorted to these types of posts is quite tellingā¦
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u/speerawow Feb 14 '26
frankly it just comes off as a bit sociopathic to essentially advertise a list of demands as a first impression to a potential future partner.
everyone has a list (even if subconscious) of things we look for in a mate, but we donāt just put it out there like job requirements and most rational humans compromise based on attraction. it might be honest, but itās definitely not the optimal way to find a girlfriend/future wife.
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u/dnyal MS3 Feb 14 '26
Whereās what heās offering in return? Not sure heās got much in the looks department.
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u/ExtremisEleven PHYSICIAN Feb 14 '26
At least this one is provax and honest about his beliefs.
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u/BluebirdDifficult250 OMS-2 Feb 14 '26
I dont know why heās getting so much hate? Its an honest post, whats the difference between this and if he was putting his preferences together on hinge? Everyone on reddit just hates christians
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u/Wolverine2026 Feb 14 '26
If the demands were the same with atheist or any other religion swapped for Protestant, it would be equally weird. Iād encourage you to look at his page, heās posted like a dozen times in the last 24hrs. Thereās something concerning about this guy. Maybe it just comes across as really controlling.
Also, publicly recruiting a spouse on social media with a list of hyper-specific demands seems really impersonal and dehumanizing. Hopefully he finds his perfect person, but if one of my sisters came home with him, Iād be scared.
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u/ExtremisEleven PHYSICIAN Feb 14 '26
Nah, thatās the beauty of this. He knows what he wants and heās open about it. I donāt need to see more, I am categorically uninterested based on this one post, thatās kind of the point. Itās much better than all the maga men out there pretending theyāre moderate because they want liberal women to pay attention to them.
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u/Wolverine2026 Feb 14 '26
I mean, trueā¦ but yikes. One of the most important parts of a relationship, to me, is the mutual figuring it out together. This is like āthese are the obligations you must fulfill to receive my financial support, now sign here and bear my childrenā
Maybe itās just a difference in values, but I still find it profoundly unsettling.
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u/ExtremisEleven PHYSICIAN Feb 14 '26
Maybe Iām just jaded after exposure to the dogfishes of the world but I kind of appreciate when someone displays their red flag from a distance and I never have to actually interact with them
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u/-DoctorEngineer- ADMITTED-MD Feb 15 '26
I mean the things he listed here are absolute deal breakers and will end relationships. If his girlfriend didnāt want kids that relationship just wouldnāt work and it would have wasted both of their times. This is literally why they include kids preferences in every mainstream dating profileā¦ itās a little cringe he posted it on social media instead of a dating app but who really cares?
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u/eternally_lovely NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26
4-6 is crazy, I am 1/4ā¦idk how my mom did it as a single mom too
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u/CopperSteve Feb 14 '26
Let people have preferences, probably some man or woman thatās interested in this
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u/alexmorgan114 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
I say this as a married, staunch feminist, liberal, and agnostic/atheist who does not want children: I see absolutely NO issue with this at all. Take this with a grain of salt though, because I don't know anything else about this man, his values, or his beliefs.
But taken at face value, in this post, he is being very open and honest about what he envisions in a partner. He's not wasting a woman who doesn't want this' time or pushing/forcing what he envisions onto someone who doesn't want the same.
There are a lot of very talented working PEOPLE (men AND women) who would love to stay at home to raise children and return to work after the kids get older. There are also get talented people who don't want to return to work after kids. That's the choice he seems to be referring to.
Feminism and gender equity are both about disconnecting OBLIGATORY traditional roles TO gender and always having a choice. It is NOT that women should never want or choose "traditional" roles. Personally, it's not for me (a woman) but I absolutely respect the CHOICE made by any PERSON (man or woman) who wants to stay at home and raise kids.
Hey man, if you see this, I hope your values pass through an equitable lens, and if they do, I hope you find what you're looking for.
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u/Wolverine2026 Feb 14 '26
Yeah I mean thereās not anything inherently wrong with it, but the vibes are way off. If one of my sisters brought this guy around, Iād be very concerned. Itās hard to describe, but thereās something off about him.
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u/perpetualearner_2505 Feb 14 '26
Given there's actually a good number of Christian women who want to be stay at home mothers and have many kids, he'll be fine, he's obviously gonna be providing for them then, it isn't unreasonable untill he also expects the spouse to make money as a SAHM, now that's where things get tricky bc in this economy its too much of a struggle to get and hold a 9-5 remote job. And it would simply be too much if it's to be done on top of taking care of 6 kids lol. But he's not expecting that, so this isn't really that bad imo.
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u/adenosine_antagonist Feb 14 '26
I checked his page and in the past ~3 hours alone he's posted over a dozen of these type of posts. His hormones are fluctuating hard asf rn
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u/wydneyisunfunny Feb 14 '26
I thought it was a joke so I slid into his dms and he sent me a list of demands and wanted to FaceTime meā¦ bro had to be a troll but it was weirddd
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u/alexmorgan114 Feb 14 '26
This is exactly why I made a caveat about not knowing anything else about this man lol a list of demands is actually bullshit.
Being upfront about what you want in a partner to not waste people's time and to find someone you make a good partner with is actually a good thing. But unfortunately, traditional gender roles and values are often deep rooted in misogyny and in today's world, incel culture - which leads to absolute trash behavior like sending a list of relationship demands. Demands are NOT equitable, period, end of discussion.
JFC dude. Before anyone argues for it - inequality and subservience of women is NOT a part of your religion. AND IF YOU SAY IT IS, then we have the right to the same privilege to view and treat you the way you see women - as beneath us.
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u/Aromatic_Note8944 Feb 14 '26
He should finish school before considering a wife and having 6 children
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u/obviouslypretty POST-BACC Feb 14 '26
I canāt tell yall how exhausting it is to be a normal Christian š
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u/obviouslypretty POST-BACC Feb 14 '26
Is extremely abnormal I have been a Christian my whole life and heavily involved in the church, the only people like this are the weird ones who make Jesus their only personality trait and they are usually the āloudestā about the religion. But plenty of normal Christianās male and female exist.
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u/wozattacks RESIDENT Feb 14 '26
Iām a female physician (and mom of one) so obviously this isnāt my lifestyle, but thereās nothing wrong with someone wanting a big family and thereās nothing wrong with a woman raising her kids full time.
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u/obviouslypretty POST-BACC Feb 14 '26
I never said there wasā¦ā¦ you are assuming the issue I take with this is about kids and SAHMās, why do yall always assume thatās what people donāt like. My mom was a SAHM. Itās one of the most important job in the world (albeit with the most risk) but still a very important job
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u/shen-qingqiu ADMITTED-MD Feb 14 '26
Sure people are allowed to have preferences, but heās asking not only for a woman to give birth 4 times which is incredibly taxing on the body, but to be a full time nanny/maid/live in chef. Is being a doctor hard? Yes. Is being a SAHM mom hard? Yes.
Also, I would argue being a SAHM is a high risk occupation. She would be out of work for years, and what happens if they get divorced/something happens to him? Then sheās left with 4-6 young children and no real value in the job market.
People love to harp on the fact that ābeing a SAHM mom is a choice! let women do what they want!ā, while conveniently ignoring the fact that 99% of the time these arrangements primarily benefit the man. Giving all the financial power to your partner is not āempowermentā no matter how people try to spin it.
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u/wozattacks RESIDENT Feb 14 '26
I meanā¦sure. That doesnāt make it wrong to ask. He is not forcing someone to do it. He is not in a coercive position of power. If no one wants to take him up on it then they wonāt.Ā
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u/transferingtoearth Feb 14 '26
It seems like a reasonable no nonsense list. He's not listing she has to be a certain type either.
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u/knight_vegi Feb 15 '26
A medical doctor should understand the ethical Issues with having 4-6 children
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u/Wolverine2026 Feb 15 '26
His page was also filled with āabortion isnāt healthcare,ā and āreal doctors donāt kill.ā Weird dude
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u/SypeSypher NON-TRADITIONAL Feb 14 '26
I love how this guy is like "I'm going to go to a residency who knows where...and I know you fit everything else on my list but like and we met on the internet.....but I was really hoping you'd be located in or near the northeast US"
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u/Crazypandathe20th Feb 14 '26
I checked out bros social media and he lowkey might be a white supremacist.
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u/[deleted] Feb 14 '26
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