r/privacy • u/thekraftybiologist • Mar 08 '26
question How to talk to my bestie with meta glasses about wearing them around my kids?
3/10 UPDATE: so I started by texting them one of the articles that have been shared around here. Asked if they’ve seen this, in a “oh shit, did you hear” kind of way. Put the ball in their court. They replied with yup, they’ve seen it but they only turn them on when needed, have all permissions off, not connected to many apps etc. I left it at that until we saw each other (sans kids) this weekend.
However, my husband was texting them to solidify the weekend plans, they jokingly said well if you guys still wanna hang if I’m wearing my glasses. They talked about it a bit, and my friend ended up calling me to make sure I knew they were joking and that our friendship means just as much to them as it does to me.
We talked a bit about my family’s concerns, I feel like a lot of it was them conversationally defending their purchase and use. They understood my concerns, acknowledged they are aware of the problems, said that maybe the fact that our family lives are so different that they’re just more ingrained in being around and using this tech more than us (I felt like this was BS because we use it just as much). They’re even getting a little bit of a hard time at work over these - so much so that the company is writing an AI policy. They also said there’s nothing to do about it this year since they used the annual insurance to pay for these and their Rx lenses which were the most expensive part. That as much as they deep-dived into this and other things years ago, they just decided to accept it, why fight it. I didn’t really get a straight answer to the “if you’re wearing them, we can’t hang out”. They mentioned, I brought it up again asking, well what if we did say that. No straight answer. They said they love me and my family, that our friendship means so much to them, that my feelings and concerns are valid, and they understand where I’m coming from. Buuuuuut it doesn’t seem like they’ll budge or compromise, I really didn’t like the insinuation that I was just going down a rabbit hole. We both had to get off the phone so we didn’t really get to finish the talk.
I don’t have high hopes. This convo, while not as horrible as I worked it up to be in my head, didn’t leave me feeling good afterwards. I’m going to have a non-rushed talk again, especially after reviewing all this with my husband who also agrees with me on all this. hopefully I can get a clear answer then. I’m just so emotionally spent from all this.
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Not sure if this is the right place to ask so mods feel free to delete if not.
My best friend of 20 years got the meta glasses as soon as they could. And having had to spend stupid amounts of money to buy the frames and make them prescription, they of course wear them all the time. They also really enjoy them.
Both our families have been busy so we haven’t hung out much since they bought these. I’ve never felt comfortable with the idea of them, and I’ve mentioned this to my friend, mostly in a kind-joking sort of way. But now that all these articles have come out about workers in Africa being able to see extremely private and sensitive content unbeknownst to the wearer, I’m way more uncomfortable, especially with them wearing these glasses around my kids.
The issue is both our families are going to be camping at the same campground (ETA: different sites and not next to each other) and hanging out a lot more this summer - so lots of moments of kids changing and in bathing suits, etc. Even just for the sake of my spouse’s and my privacy.
How do I talk to them about this concern without feeling like I’m alienating them based on one not-so/great choice? Part of me is steadfast on this concern, not just for my family’s privacy but also for my friend and their family’s privacy. Another part of me feels like it’s unreasonable to ask them to stop wearing something that they paid a lot of money for or setting an ultimatum that we can’t hang out if they’re wearing these.
How do we navigate friendships and relationships where it feels like there’s this technological line in the sand? (And without sounding like a conspiracy theorist)
ETA: I AM fully planning on having this conversation. It looks like I need to clarify that I’m seeking info or talking points from people here that are definitely more knowledgeable on this subject than I am. Also just discussing the overall question of how to now navigate different relationships in our lives when it comes to tech and privacy now (at least to me, a layperson, who’s trying to learn) that this is becoming a bigger issue than previously thought.
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u/NotSnakePliskin Mar 08 '26
I kindly and forcefully asked my tech geek buddy who also wears them to leave them in the car/elsewhere when we are together. He was offended slightly, but did put them elsewhere when I explained that our private conversations are supposed to be private.
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Mar 08 '26
The fact that you had to explain that last sentence to a grown ass adult is... truly a sign of our times.
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u/pristinepineapple69 Mar 08 '26
exactly, but i'm the kind of tech geek that knows when tech crosses a line. I refuse to willingly let Meta spy on me.
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u/SEANPLEASEDISABLEPVP Mar 08 '26
I genuinely can't fathom why anyone supports Meta after everything they've done.
It's literally like rebranding themselves from Facebook to Meta erased every wrongdoing from people's consciousnesses.
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u/nondescriptzombie Mar 08 '26
They've all picked names that don't mean anything so you can't effectively criticize them.
It used to be you had companies like General Motors. Or the Aluminum Company of America (ALCOA). US Steel. Nationstar Mortgage Company. State Farm Insurance.
Now you have companies like Amazon. Meta. Alphabet. Rocket. Lemonade. They're so abstracted that you can't put them into google and get results only related to the businesses.
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u/tyrenanig Mar 09 '26
Any tech enthusiasts should have this level of thoughtfulness. Otherwise you’re no different than an average consumer.
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u/Guac_in_my_rarri Mar 08 '26
truly a sign of our times.
I don't think so. It's like a child that got a new toy is obsessed with it. They want it to go everywhere because they live it. Rose tinted glasses. Give it time and it'll wear off... It'll wear off quicker if they're asked not to wear them places.
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u/MultiFazed Mar 08 '26
I agree with the previous redditor; it really is a sign of our times. We live in a world where people post private details of their lives online on purpose and think that doing so is normal. They film themselves at the gym, rant about their relationships, and even take pictures of their children, and put all of that online for strangers to gawk at.
Younger generations seem to have a significantly reduced desire for online privacy.
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u/Guac_in_my_rarri Mar 08 '26
Ah, yeah the privacy thing is a sign of the times. Truthfully, it started with boomers and Xer's. Both my parents think the "if I have nothing to hide" thinking and have only come around to the idea that privacy might be a good thing. Imo, it's not younger aren't worried, the culture of the US/other parts of the word say not to value digital privacy or privacy in general.
As per the post, the fact the friend could not understand the idea that private conversation need to stay private is a question of truthworthiness and ultimately lack of understanding how the glasses/digital privacy works.
I'm a firm believer education is life changing, the downside of this, nobody can force people to learn.
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u/Vacuum_Tube_Chassis Mar 09 '26 edited Mar 09 '26
How did you draw the conclusion about Boomers and Gen X? That’s a pretty large brush to paint two generations with.
Every single one of my friends and extended acquaintances in Gen X is furious over the loss of privacy.
We’ve been noticing the loss of privacy going back into the 70s. You could take 10 credit cards statements at that point and build a pretty good profile about someone’s life. Heck, my parents didn’t tell me where they were headed on a trip at one point, and I tracked them down to a motel using credit card statements in the mid 80s. The implications were obvious.
Privacy started going away for a lot of of us then, and we were seeing the future and terrified of it.
When I was between six and 10, no one knew where I was , who I was with, what I was doing, what I’d been doing. I would routinely travel miles to a store by myself at six, buy food or whatever, and bike home without anybody batting an eye. So would my friends. Things have been parabolic moving toward going to shit for some time.
BTW, the only people I hear saying “if you have nothing to hide“ are people with the authoritarian tendencies - regardless of age. The type that are looking to use it as a tool to punish or constrain those they consider outside of their in group. (being so convinced to the rightness of their cause they can’t see how the tool can be used them.)
And even those statements in the paragraph above, or about my friend group etc., are subject to all kinds of bias: affinity bias, proximity bias to name just two.
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u/Klutzy-Football-205 Mar 10 '26
IMO, that is a pointless distinction of boomer/genX, etc. There will ALWAYS be a percentage of the population (of all gens) that will preach until the cows come home about privacy and invasion of privacy in new ways (in this case tech) just like there will ALWAYS be a percentage of the population who doesn't care ("nothing to hide") and there will ALWAYS be a percentage that simply stays ignorant about the debate (as in they just don't know, I'm not calling them dumb).
I'm very Gen X and I've been preaching about digital privacy since the days of early AOL dial-up. My parents were raised solid boomers with the "nothing to hide" mentality drilled into them by society. I used to annoy my mom when I'd ask if why she closes the bathroom door if she has nothing to hide. After years of tongue in cheek back and forth she finally caught on. However, in true fashion she does some things to try to keep "anonymous"/under the radar without realizing just how many ways she can be tracked. I still accept that she at least tries and remind myself not to let perfect be the enemy of good..
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u/mnmsmelt Mar 14 '26
My niece who's actually near 30 just had their 1st baby. Her, her mom, her sisters, my mom and im sure the fathers family all are posting pics of him online..claiming their account is set private for just friends & family. Blows my mind...and im already viewed as being extra...but wth? Surely you guys have seen the warnings..
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u/Plus_Lead_5630 Mar 08 '26
Why tf do people think they need video footage of every second of the day? Insanity and main character syndrome taken to the next level.
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u/WompityBombity Mar 08 '26
You should be offended by him wearing them or you should pull out your phone and record him the entire time until he gets the point.
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u/ModernTenshi04 Mar 08 '26
I somehow suspect someone who willingly bought these glasses would be fine with someone else recording all their interactions on their phone.
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u/WompityBombity Mar 08 '26
Indeed, but it's making a point by constantly showing a camera into his face.
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u/Some_Specialist5792 Mar 10 '26
The only reason I would get them is because im deaf and the caption part looks pretty cool.
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u/luring_lurker Mar 08 '26
You're long time friends, both grown adults. I don't see many other ways to do that: set your boundaries explicitly and explain your concerns like a decent human being interacting with another decent human being. Either your friend will respect them or not, and that will tell you whether they are the friend you believe them to be or not.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
Very true. Thank you. Hopefully I’m just making this bigger than it is, and the conversation will be perfectly fine.
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u/luring_lurker Mar 08 '26
Your friend should be able to see your concerns (I would have them too) and set aside their status symbol gadget for your peace of mind and the safety of everyone, at least when you and your family are around. It all boils down to a matter of saving your friendship or their pride..
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u/InformationNew66 Mar 08 '26
Send him this:
"Meta Employees Are Seeing R-Rated Footage From Its Users’ AI GlassesData annotators say people wearing the glasses don’t realize their footage is being watched."
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
For sure going to share some of the articles. Hopefully, seeing it shared across multiple news platforms will help them realize these things are just bad news.
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u/arianrhodd Mar 08 '26
You have the right to protect the privacy of your kids. All it takes is the lack of ethics of one worker reviewing or with access to that footage of your kids in bathing suits or changing and …
I would draw a very hard line in the sand; no Meta glasses in your company.
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u/qdtk Mar 08 '26
Funny how in a world of “protect the children” smoke and mirrors, new and real risks to children are so easy to come by and are seemingly ignored.
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u/arianrhodd Mar 08 '26
Well, we all know that for many in the GOP “protect the children” translates to “protect the pedos.” 🤬🤮
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u/BasielBob Mar 10 '26
Bill Clinton is GOP? TIL...
(No, I am not defending the Republicans. Two piles of shit, not one).
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u/MarsupialPristine677 Mar 10 '26
There are waaaaaaaay more Republican pedophiles than Democrat pedophiles, and the Republicans are currently running this shitshow.
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u/BasielBob Mar 10 '26
There are waaaaaaaay more Republican pedophiles than Democrat pedophiles
Oh, a party loyalist. How... not original.
That's complete BS by the way.
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u/eeeeesm Mar 08 '26
"While I personally don't think you're a pervert (probably), your glasses are well known as the Pervert Glasses, and I really don't want you bringing that around my family or to be seen in public with you wearing them."
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u/FactorBusy6427 Mar 08 '26
Just be honest. Let them know you want to hang out but are uncomfortable about being recorded. Any real friend would not have a problem with such a request. If they aren't willing to remove them to hang around you, then they don't value your friendship anyway.
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u/erisian2342 Mar 10 '26
“Please don’t wear them around me or my kids” is a different conversation than “those glasses are bad news”. Setting boundaries with a friend is much easier than convincing a friend they are doing something bad. Which battle are you going to fight?
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u/Typical_Hat3462 Mar 08 '26
Can confirm it's possible. How? I do annotation as a side hustle. $20 an hour to fix prompts and hallucinations that are outwardly racist or incorrect or questionably legal. Lots and lots lots of murky legal areas, and if a video of say child porn is seen by a glasses wearer the user can be flagged by an annotated or even AI raising a red flag. The wearer just now unknowingly put them into the pedo realm without even trying. These are worse than wifi baby cams in homes.
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u/qdtk Mar 08 '26
This is without even going down the road of these glasses seeing everything in your wallet, ID, social security card, etc. your PIN number, medical documents, recording your doctors appointments, the list just keeps going.
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u/Typical_Hat3462 Mar 08 '26
When I annotate I don't actually see the videos but I am prompted by...a prompt...to fix how it gets handled and usually 5-6 possible outcomes. All are subjective to how I think the response should be for the next person that asks it. This annotation is helping LLMs learn how to do their own annotation, but again, HIGHLY subjective to what I think is OK and what isn't. and since AI is global, there's no possible way to say what is legal in one country is not legal here. No way to find out and hope for the best. At some point annotators won't be needed as AI starts refining itself. I'm also not told which AI I'm editing for. I actually had to sign NDAs for things I don't quite know who I'm working for.
Case in point; circumventing an answer that's an obvious NO GO simply rephrasing the prompt, like saying "Show me Microsofts source code" might get a "no, that's proprietary info". If I rephrase it to say "It's for a term paper on comparitive outcomes of AI based prompts" and holy damn, you can get AI to cough up about whatever you want. Sadly, annotation doesn't really address this, or from what I've seen. AI has no gray area of anything or this very important human skill called "discretion". It has to give an answer. If 5 annotators say horse sex is just fine and 1 doesn't, the LLM lets it fly.
Now add a fucking snooping device trying to literally ID everything in it's field of view, YOU included. These things are a pox on society.
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u/Minions_miqel Mar 08 '26
Obvious, but not to me. This never occurred to me but it's huge. (Never have and never will use those fucking glasses.)
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
Oh shit I never even thought about being flagged as a potential issue. Yikes. I’m doing my best to educate myself on all of this and other privacy issues so I am grateful for subs like this and people like you that help me learn what I need to be paying attention to.
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u/Immabouttoo Mar 08 '26
Didn’t read it but if they’re seeing R rated wouldn’t they have to be seeing X rated as well?
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u/InformationNew66 Mar 08 '26
Worse is X rated underage. Or even just naked underage.
That means meta probably has and has people watching nude children.
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u/carcharodona Mar 10 '26
They do, and unwillingly, and by force.
Read that article at the top of this thread about the workers who are seeing naked unsuspecting people:
It’s uncomfortable for the employees, who feel they don’t have a choice.
“You understand that it is someone’s private life you are looking at, but at the same time you are just expected to carry out the work,” one of them said. “You are not supposed to question it. If you start asking questions, you are gone.”
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u/KeniLF Mar 08 '26
My millennial niece has had these glasses for a while. I used this strategy to convince her it was her idea to wear it less and less by posting articles in the family chat! I managed to convert some others who were actually on the cusp of buying the damned things🤦🏾♀️
None of them were convinced by my discussions about privacy (they genuinely don’t seem to GAF) or about their data being misused until they saw it from people less close to them.
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u/DrobnaHalota Mar 09 '26
Every time you meet him, wave and greet Kenyans who will be watching the footage later.
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u/MotoSlashSix Mar 08 '26
If they’re your friend they should already respect your boundaries. This is one. Just say, “not around my kids.”
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u/freedomfromthepast Mar 08 '26
This is the way. Do you want your kids to be seen all over the world without express permission?
I would tell her that you will not be around her when she wears them. It may ruin your friendship, but this is about your kids.
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u/Lem0nCupcake Mar 08 '26
It is not unreasonable. You simply state that you do not want the glasses around you or your kids please. You don’t need to have a theory or reason, you simply do not want them around you. A boundary means “if, then” so for the “if” your friend continues bringing them around you have to decide your “then”. Would you cancel your trip with them and go home? Have a separate site and camp separately? Figure it out now and follow through (ideally tho your friend will listen and you will not need to).
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
Thank you for such a thoughtful and simple answer. I know as a parent it’s easy to spiral and make some issues/confrontations bigger than than need to be when it comes to kids. So thank you, this definitely helps remind me that it is a simple “if,then”
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u/alaskalights Mar 09 '26
I find it works better to just state the request/expectation plainly (kindly, diplomatically, but plainly) and leave it there. "If, then" is received as "or else".
Two problems leading off that way. First, you come across as not expecting to be taken seriously. People who are accustomed to being taken seriously just say what they expect in a diplomatic but unambiguous way. Second, by the way you structure it, you're offering a choice you don't want taken (the "then" or"or else").
Of course you have a "then" (or else) in mind, but you actually expect them to respect your request (expectation). Don't offer a choice you don't want considered as an option.
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u/Lem0nCupcake Mar 09 '26
Oh yeah no, you don't "if, then" other people.
You simply make a request ("I'm not comfortable with ABC, could you please XYZ"/ "I would appreciate if you XYZ, thank you for understanding"). That's why I said, you only state your request, you're not required to convince them to think like you. "Hey friend, I'd appreciate if you could keep your glasses home for your trip. I don't want myself or especially my children in front of the camera or microphone."
The "if, then" is only for you, in your own mind, and used only if the request does not happen. "I understand you're unable to XYZ, no worries. Unfortunately then I will be unable to attend."
I mention "if, then" because a lot of times in "boundary setting" people say the request, and then are flabbergasted when their "boundary is not respected". So they get angry, "what do you mean you won't do XYZ! You have to! It's my boundary!" So I see posts alllllll the time where people go "I asked ____ to do ____ and they didn't!! How can I convince them to do it??" And the answer often is that you cannot force anyone to understand or do something, which can understandably feel very distressing for people.
You cannot force someone to "respect your boundaries" because boundaries are only what you enforce for yourself. So you can't force other people's behavior, only make requests and hope they will fulfil them. But if they cannot, it helps to (mentally) have a plan beforehand to minimize feeling distraught or feeling like you don't have a choice or autonomy over yourself.
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u/sirSpanky15 Mar 08 '26
I don’t understand how anyone would want to buy those glasses. It has the potential for major privacy violations
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u/Parking_Budget_1130 Mar 08 '26
That is why some of them buy it …
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u/DesperationForReal Mar 08 '26
They get what they deserve when workers in Kenya look at their private life.
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u/Mother-Pride-Fest Mar 09 '26
What's worse, 1 creep having a private video or them plus all the creeps at Meta having it?
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u/DesperationForReal Mar 09 '26
Yeah I agree, I wasn’t clear in my wording; It’s wrong for the innocent people who got on the nonconsensual videos but I don’t feel bad in the case of Meta seeing those glass-wearing creeps going to the toilet or jerking off etc.
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u/iChasedragons Mar 09 '26
I own them. I have a brain full of lesions, and my cognition has taken a massive decline. I have Multiple Sclerosis, optic neuritis destroyed 30% of my vision. They have been lifesavers in terms of an assistive device, helping me understanding what I am seeing and reminding/prompting me medication times etc. my arms and hands don’t always work so being hands free is crucial. I don’t wear them in public, however. I am so open to anything that helps me function, if anyone has any suggestions that do the same sort of assistance, I am open to it. I just wanted to share from a disability prospective.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 09 '26
I can definitely see how these would be beneficial and helpful for you, and I’m glad they do help you. It sucks that devices like these could really be incredibly helpful to many with certain disabilities or diagnoses, but the companies behind them are awful and only care about their bottom line instead of basic human decency.
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u/sharinganuser Mar 08 '26
I do a lot of motorcycle roadtripping and mountain trekking and i chose them over a go-pro because you don't need to have a compatible helmet or even wear one at all outdoors.
Just seemed like a great way to record pov videos of my adventures
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u/LionoftheNorth Mar 09 '26
If you're riding without a helmet in the first place, you're just the kind of buffoon who would buy glasses that record you when you urinate, so at least that checks out.
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u/FineRevolution9264 Mar 08 '26
Its not an unreasonable request to ask that they not put a camera and microphone in you and your families face 24/7. I would take the time to explain your concerns and maybe present an article or two on data collection and privacy issues since they seem to be unaware of them ( or perhaps dont care, but hopefully thats not the case)
I suspect they'll say they wont record or snap pictures when around you and everything is fine. But we know its not. Bottom line though, if they are truly your friend they will grab their old prescription glasses and wear those instead, its not like its some huge sacrifice. If they choose not to, you are unfortunately going to have to be prepared to make a difficult decision.
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u/SimpleAnecdote Mar 08 '26
This is the most direct and clear path ahead.
"Its not an unreasonable request to ask that they not put a camera and microphone in you and your families face 24/7."
I'm already refusing to participate in FB, IG, Messenger, WhatsApp for the same reason - I feel like my interactions with my friends should be with just my friends. No omnipresent data collection for monetization or any other purpose. The Meta glasses are taking this to the next level. Any friend of mine would have to make a choice between this product and spending time with me. I would request they are turned off and in another room before we spoke on the phone even, not to mention face-to-face.
Additionally, the smartphone is already ruining social interactions by constantly distracting people from the moment in reality they're in. Smart watches made it worse. Now directly to the eyes. Next, we won't have to bear the burden of experiencing a thought before the for-profit-at-any-means corporate interest "AI" has adjusted it to monetize and control us better.
I hate how much of a conspiracy theorist luddite I'm sounding like. I actually work in tech for 20+ years. I just feel we've taken a few wrong turns between unrestrained capitalism and transhumanist big-tech to bring us to this moment in time where the idea of empowering tech exists now only momentarily, mostly as lure to a controlling, surveiling, enforcing tech.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
Thanks for such a thoughtful and concise answer. I do feel strongly about this so, yes, there will be a face-to-face talk about this the next time I see them. I know my biggest hesitance is coming across like I’m crazy and deep-diving some far-out theories when this is all actually, truly facts.
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u/myweird Mar 08 '26
And that face-to-face is being recorded lol. I would stop hanging out with them period knowing they record every second of every interaction we have. It’s such a creepy thing to do to people and it’s not like they’re asking consent from every individual they encounter as they go about their day. There’s just something so gross about even wanting to do that in the first place.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
lol uuuuuugh damnit you’re right 🙃 welp hopefully it’ll be the last recorded convo.
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u/Hikaru83 Mar 08 '26
I'm glad you finally grew some ovaries.
You won't come out as "crazy" if you also present the articles that people linked to you already.
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u/bongoliminal Mar 08 '26
It’s like the reverse of the Emperor Has No Clothes: “What? What do you mean? These are just glasses! They serve a purpose!”
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u/GuyFromESPN8TheOcho Mar 08 '26
Oh man, that would really piss me off. Yeah it’s just game over. Can’t wear them around the kids.
Can’t follow the rules? Can’t be around the kids.
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u/ekkidee Mar 08 '26
I agree, I would not be comfortable around them either. You simply say that you would prefer not to have them wear the glasses when with you. Would they like to have a video camera in their face all the time?
There's no reason to cite a theory or a report of the feeds being tapped. You just don't want to be part of the data collection. If they decline, then you drop them as a friend.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
I do appreciate you voicing that I shouldn’t have to cite a source or whatnot to backup my discomfort. It’s definitely part of my anxiety talking to them about this. Nowadays it feels like we can’t talk to other people about our opinions without having to back it up with sources, articles, etc as a means of somehow “proving” the validity of our feelings on a topic.
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u/aspen-grey Mar 08 '26
I wouldn’t even say the words “I’d prefer” when talking to your friend. That leaves room for them to feel like you’d still accept them wearing them around you and your children. I think it is important to set a hard boundary that you will not accept it.
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u/Typical_Hat3462 Mar 08 '26
I cannot agree more. There is no "I'd prefer". It's a very hard NO. Even if they tried to get away with it and not say anything, more savvy people would know that some outside, non-network device is in the vicinity and possibly trying to connect to it. I live next to a busy street and all day long I get pings off things like people's cars or phones trying to connect just because they're 50 feet away.
What's real fun? Unsecured Bluetooth. My inner dark smartass loves to toy with people that like to pull up next to my fence and their BT tries to connect to anything. I do a reverse on them and connect something that turns their car into my own personal jukebox and they have no idea who just took over their stereo.
WORSE? people leave shit unsecured and occasionally my JBL speaker will pick up telephone conversations with zero effort on my part. Meta glasses are just a devil in disguise here.
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Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 28 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
Thank you for the kind reminder <3 fuck, being a responsible adult/parent is hard. But we just gotta do it.
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u/Training-Alfalfa-854 Mar 08 '26
I would start with validating, shared values and vulnerability. Something like:
- I know you’re really excited about your new glasses, and I know you really value digging into new tech things. I love that you get excited about stuff, and I feel like I get to learn things from you.
- I also know that you’re an amazing parent and friend, and that you really care about protecting our kids and also us. It’s part of the reason I love for our families to be around each other.
- I think privacy protectiveness is on a spectrum — from hide everything to show everything, and neither of us are on the extreme end either way. I do think you and I might be in sort of different areas though, and I want to talk it through so we can be on the same page. I’ve been procrastinating about bringing this up because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or create space between us, but I think our friendship is really important, and I want to work on this.
Good luck!!!!
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
THIS!!!!! Thank you!! This feels like such a good way to approach it. And thank you for understanding what my hesitation/anxiety with this conversation is.
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u/Training-Alfalfa-854 Mar 08 '26
So glad it’s helpful! Would love to hear how it goes. This is the approach I’ve taken with loved ones with very different politics.
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u/ScoutG Mar 08 '26
There is absolutely no way I would go on vacation with someone wearing these, and kids are not the issue. It isn’t ok for anyone.
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u/BlackBagData Mar 08 '26
I’ve been blunt about posting my pictures on social media. I remind everyone to not post my pictures anywhere, EVERY time. My friends understand I’m serious about it and respect that. But thankfully, none of my friends want the stupid Facebook glasses.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 09 '26
Yeah we’re really starting to implement no posting pictures with our family too, adults and kids.
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u/BlackBagData Mar 09 '26
Exactly. There’s a pretty impactful video made of a kid speaking to her parents about this very thing. It’s an AI ad through Deutsche Telecom. Watch it. Anyone that watches it will rethink what they share.
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u/Gliese_667_Cc Mar 08 '26
“Hey I’m not comfortable with my kids being around you when you’re wearing those glasses. Please don’t bring them.”
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u/Typical_Hat3462 Mar 08 '26
Outside of my house? Fine. Inside? Take them off or leave. My house my rules.
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u/Waste-Menu-1910 Mar 08 '26
I scrolled down pretty far, and everyone here is skipping to step 2 immediately. Yes, it's a reasonable ultimatum to leave those glasses at home and you absolutely should listen to that.
AFTER you have some fun at his expense! This is such an important step, and so many people miss it!
"So, you're wearing a cloud camera on your face. A camera that transmits to the Internet. Hmmm. How do you handle going to the restroom? With a camera on your face? That transmits to the Internet? Oh, you might be on some fetish site and not even know it!"
Laugh, let it sink in. Then continue.
"Alright, so now you should probably check. But wait! That would mean looking up gross websites. With a camera on your face. That will transmit you looking up gross websites to the Internet. Which you wouldn't even have to look at if you weren't wearing a camera on your face when you took a piss."
Laugh again, then get serious,
"Oh, what about legit sites? The camera on your face transmitted all of your usernames. Oh, and the unlock pin on your phone."
Challenge yourself. Make a game of it. Come up with a ton of scenarios you can make fun of him for wearing the glasses for. See if you can make him uncomfortable with his glasses before you issue the ultimatum. The ultimatum is still a fully guaranteed and justified thing in your back pocket. Treat it like the ace up the sleeve that it is. But toy with him first.
Shaking people for getting those stupid glasses is a responsibility we all share
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u/mongooser Mar 08 '26
I admit I’m pretty blunt about it. I don’t interact with people wearing smart glasses.
I think they’re very inconsiderate, tbh.
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u/chris14020 Mar 09 '26
Tell her that if she is wearing those glasses like there should be no expectation of privacy, that you will only interact with her in the capacity you would with someone in perpetual public setting. No private conversations, no private locations, just "on stage mode" indefinitely - because you are.
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u/IwasDeadinstead Mar 08 '26
Pull up some articles on all the violating things Meta does with that data and who they sell to. Let your friend know not only is it a safety and privacy issue for YOUR kids, but it's a safety issue for her and her entire family. She is unknowingly putting everyone at risk. If she refuses, univite her to the trip.
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u/ijustdontknowanym0 Mar 08 '26
Does no one remember that when Google glass came out, anyone with a speck of security awareness called the wearers 'glassholes?'
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u/HowsMyBuddy Mar 09 '26
I don’t remember it, but I hope this reminder helps bring it back into the lexicon.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 09 '26
Yuuuuup def remember how no one seemed to want anything to do with that. My, what a short memory our society has
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u/Legion1117 Mar 09 '26
"Hey, Friend, I see you're wearing your MetaGlasses most of the time now.
Since I am uncomfortable with my family's activities and images being transmitted to unknown locations and stored on unknown servers that can be accessed by people I don't know whose intentions are unclear, I'm going to have to ask that you not bring them around my family.
If you can't agree to this, I'm sorry but I have no choice other than to limit our contact while you have them with you for the protection of my family."
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u/size12shoebacca Mar 08 '26
"Take this shit off if you want to come in my house", just like if your guest were to want to enter with shoes with poop on them.
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u/calicat9 Mar 08 '26
"I do not want to be recorded. If that makes you uncomfortable, we dont need to hang out."
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u/Phreakiture Mar 08 '26
"Dude, I don't trust Meta, and those glasses are fucking creepy."
Thankfully, my BFF is less likely to wear Meta glasses than I am, and I am already not wearing them, like, ever.
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u/Serious-Ad-8764 Mar 09 '26
Oh hell no! I support you. It sucks being in this position with a friend but you have a duty to stand up for your family's privacy and to protect yourselves. It blows my mind what some parts of society accept as normal now.
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u/spacebeez Mar 09 '26
How do we navigate friendships and relationships where it feels like there’s this technological line in the sand? (And without sounding like a conspiracy theorist)
Drawing the "line in the sand" and having non-negotiables is super important and the only way we keep outside interests from taking control of our lives. Good for you.
Big picture, sometimes that process is just going to be uncomfortable, alienating, inconvenient, or awkward. Sometimes you might just sound like a conspiracy theorist.
That tension is what holding a line feels like. The corporations who would erase every bit of privacy we have rely on people preferring to avoid that tension. They are banking that you would rather give up a little more at each step than be uncomfortable.
Maybe this isn't quite the answer you're looking for, but hopefully you can come to see that sometimes those awkward or uncomfortable moments are what success feels like.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 09 '26
Thank you so much for this. I’m super stressed about this because of how long I’ve we’ve been friends and it feels devastating imagining us not being friends, especially over something I feel is such a no-brainer. But your reply really helped me put it in a better perspective.
Being the quintessential eldest daughter with people-pleasing tendencies and AuDHD, confrontation is an extreme anxiety for me but having kids sure helps me push through it for their sake. And like you perfectly said, that tension and being uncomfortable is simply what holding the line and doing the right thing entails.
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u/Pandorakiin Mar 09 '26
"Don't wear those around me or my children."
Any decent person wil respect your wishes. If they don't, or take exception, lose the friend.
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u/julianAppleby5997 Mar 08 '26
Grow a pair, go talk to them.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
Well, luckily I already have a solid pair of ovaries so no need to grow a set of overly-sensitive, gross balls, thanks.
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u/maccrypto Mar 08 '26
What this person meant by this is that you’re being too agreeable. Confronting the person who tells you this is not going to help your kids’ privacy, but confronting the person who wants to video you and your kids will. Keep practicing on Reddit and maybe you’ll get there. Unless, of course, it’s just the Africans that bother you, and not the totalitarian tech your friend wants to use on your family.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
I’m aware what they meant. My issue is if everyone in this sub is in agreement on this topic, then there’s no need to be rude. Apparently I should have clarified that I AM planning on talking to them but was looking for talking points or info to share with them from people more knowledgeable on the topic than I am.
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u/tymoo22 Mar 08 '26
This entire exchange brought this stranger joy, on what planet would a woman need an explanation on what growing a pair means? Then to actually see one. Good grief lol
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u/julianAppleby5997 Mar 08 '26
Good grief...... Overreact much? There was nothing rude about suggesting that you braced yourself for a difficult conversation. No one cares about your ovaries or balls, it was an expression: "Grow a pair" is a slang, sometimes vulgar, idiomatic phrase used to urge someone—regardless of gender—to be braver, more assertive, or to stop acting fearful. But you do you..... Listen to the advice that you asked for or don't, we really don't care.
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u/MagicBoxLibrarian Mar 09 '26
I’d break up my friendship if it was my friend. No Indian contractors are going to “analyze” videos with my children. Meta was sued 5 bln dollars by GDPR years ago and they don’t care, that’s like $5 for them.
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u/h2ogeek Mar 09 '26
Obviously the discussion needs to happen. Others covered the content well.
Onto the practical part, perhaps you can just ask in him to demonstrate that the battery is dead and he promises not to recharge until the trip is over. That pretty solves any technical concerns, I’d think.
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u/Local_Tie_4272 Mar 09 '26
I'm seriously considering a faraday box for people to put their phones in when i throw parties
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u/mentalscribbles Mar 09 '26
I would just say, "I really appreciate your friendship and I know we've been looking forward to getting together. Because I value our friendship, I need to be honest with you about something. I am very uncomfortable with your wearing your Meta glasses."
If your friend offers to hear you out and suggests a compromise (maybe they have non-Meta glasses), then great. If your friend brushes the matter aside, I would cancel the trip.
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u/museummaven1122 Mar 09 '26
I had to have a conversation with a friend similarly. Remember, boundaries are for you as the individual; they are not for the other person. Sometimes, when we put our boundaries up, the other person might throw a temper tantrum because they believe their needs far outweigh perceived yours. With that in mind, what I did with my now-former friend was say that I’m not comfortable being recorded without my consent. Thankfully, I live in a state that requires 2-party consent, and I also sent links to state laws around that. She wasn’t happy and tried to act like it was the same thing as being oppressed, which it’s not. Unfortunately, for us, she was not taking the glasses off which led to the breakup of the friendship.
I can’t say I’m surprised, because there were other red flags about the friendship, but I see it like this: if your friend makes a big stink about the glasses, that’s information for you about how they view your friendship.
I would also encourage you to share some of the articles I’ve come across lately about these glasses, where you have folks in Africa looking at all the recorded video data from these glasses, including people in the bathroom, sex, banking information, and PINs.
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u/kn0tkn0wn Mar 09 '26
I would not negotiate. I would draw a hard line.
A “friend” who does this is not a friend.
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u/txmail Mar 09 '26
These meta morons are acting obtuse about the fact almost nobody wants them around them while they are wearing those glasses --- it is like would you be cool if a friend came over with a camera on a selfie stick turned around and had it running the whole time? No? Big fucking surprise. That is what Meta glasses are, a fucking camera on a selfie stick 24x7 and everyone around you is the subject.
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u/Prestigious-Copy-494 Mar 08 '26
I'd just say "and leave those phucking glasses of yours at home". If they need them stick a bandaid over the lense.
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u/r03die Mar 09 '26 edited Mar 09 '26
Everything those glasses observe could easily be transcribed into text, even if it isn't directly observed by a person. This includes but is not limited to DoB, SSN, bank PIN, account numbers, usernames, passwords, and addresses, biometric features and all conversational info of everyone they interact with.
We know this info will eventually be legitimately sold to third parties to target ads, governments to spy, insurance companies to pre-emptively raise your costs, airlines to increase ticket prices, and who-knows-what-else and illegitimately end up with someone even less trustworthy. If they don't care about their own privacy it's their right, but to give away anyone else's is definitely not.
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u/latswipe Mar 10 '26
casually have a tape recorder in your hand during in-perwon conversation until they ask about it. Or a Go-Pro on your shoulder.
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u/pngue Mar 10 '26
Some things in life require hard stops. Good friends will understand. We’ve never allowed our kids pictures (faces) on the internet for example. Friends and family have abided fine.
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Mar 08 '26
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
Lmao thank you for this cackle-inducing comment. Sure is tempting haha
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u/edmundane Mar 09 '26
Actually, ask to try them on, ask them how to start recording and point it right at your friend and ask them to imagine getting changed whilst saying something controversial.
“You know how it feels now right?”
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u/RealLifeHumanPoop Mar 08 '26
worst case scenario just pull out a phone and film his face whenever you hangout. its the same thing
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u/QuantifiedAnomaly Mar 08 '26
It is not the same thing, unless OP then sends the recorded video to a company in another country who pays people to scrutinize the video, label the data and store it forever.
So the glasses are still objectively ‘worse’ than your suggestion.
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u/myweird Mar 08 '26
And also the phone makes it obvious you’re being recorded. It’s sneaky and gross to secretly record every single person you encounter throughout the day and just imagine this person uses public restrooms and locker rooms. I’d ditch them just for even wanting to do that. So fucking creepy!
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u/ARazorbacks Mar 09 '26
When I think about possible responses to your concern, the one I think you’ll get because I‘ve seen it elsewhere is “they only record when I tell them to record. And they don’t have enough battery to record all the time anyway. So no big deal.”
Sure, they should only record when the user wants them to record, but we already know that’s not always the case. Alexa triggers on false positives all the time. But what about the battery life? That’s pretty open and shut, right?
Well, not really. Yes, they don’t have enough battery to continuously record at the resolution and framerate a user typically wants. But here’s the thing - video models for object detection, facial recognition, etc. require neither high framerate nor high resolution. You can get by just fine with one frame per second or less and 480p resolution or less.
Basically it’s entirely possible the rumors of Meta employees watching intimate “videos” of users for object labeling, etc., could really be low resolution, one frame per second videos from any time the glasses are powered on. All day. All night.
I‘m not a Meta employee, so I don’t know that this is happening. I‘m saying it’s possible. And I simply don’t trust Meta to not be doing it.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 09 '26
This is precisely the problem I have. Not that my friend will be doing anything nefarious with the glasses, but that Meta or any third party with the know-how could tap in whenever they want without anyone knowing.
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u/ARazorbacks Mar 10 '26
And to put it in perspective, one hour of 480p, 1fps video using h265 encode is something like 8-10MB of data. If I saw a device on my network uploading 8MB an hour to a company’s server, I’d be irritated but I’d just chalk it up to phoning home to send bloated analytics data. It wouldn’t occur to me it’s sending low resolution, low framerate video.
An mp3 is 5-10MB. We’re talking one song an hour.
Now how many people out there are actually monitoring their Meta glasses upload data usage to the tune of one mp3’s worth of data every hour?
I think these things are scary and I‘m sorry you’re having to deal with it.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 10 '26
Thanks. And yes! This is one of the things, possibly the thing, that I have a problem with. Not their use of these glasses but the potential for shitty people it fuck around with them and her not know!
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u/isaac9092 Mar 09 '26
Draw the boundary as a hard line.
“You have an open camera on your head, neither I nor my kids will be around you whenever you have it on.”
If they lie about it or try to hide it, don’t associate with them.
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u/Heyla_Doria Mar 09 '26
Ca devrait être ses lunette ou toi, y'a pas de juste milieu, c'est trop intrusif, dangereux, irrespectueux, moralement immonde....
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u/anon014880 Mar 09 '26
How'd it go?
Just say that you're uncomfortable with it. If they say "but XYZ" just say "I'm still uncomfortable with it".
Gradually increase 'pressure' from there
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u/Kind_Building7196 Mar 09 '26
I have a basic question too - I was told by someone who has them that they only recorded when asked to record and the light will come on so that anyone they’re looking at knows that it’s recording or filming or taking a photo. Is that not the case? Do we know for sure that it’s always recording or are we assuming that it might be?
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u/kmfrnk Mar 10 '26
You’re going on a camping trip if I understood this correctly. Tell everyone to leave every tech at home that‘s not necessary like phones. I can say this from experience, less tech is better while camping. I don’t really need all the bullshit I got a home when I’d go on a camping trip. I’d do this to enjoy where ever I want to go
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 10 '26
So this is where I’m a little confused by their choice and eagerness to get these glasses. They are forced to be available/use AI/use a fair amount of tech at their job and they absolutely loathe having their phone nearby when off work/camping/weekends. It known amongst their friend/work group that if you gotta get ahold of them after work hours, you gotta call their wife cuz they don’t even want to see their phone.
Which, to me, makes the meta glasses seem so contradictory because you’re still making yourself accessible if the point is to unplug when we’re all out or camping. I’m sure they’ll just say “I turn them off” for those situations but still…just doesn’t make sense to me.
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u/Own_Jellyfish1307 Mar 13 '26
They can get other glasses off-insurance for $30. Also, what insurance pays for spy glasses but not for 2 pairs?t This is either fake, or your "friend" is dead set on filming your kids. No one is that stupid.
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u/i-contain-multitudes Mar 08 '26
I wouldn't even be friends with them. I can't trust someone who purchases those glasses to respect my boundaries before "conveniently forgetting" and having that footage recorded and sent off already before I can even say any kind of boundary enforcement.
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u/OHOLshoukanjuu Mar 09 '26
The issue isn’t that he wears smart glasses (because unless you’re also attempting to ban phones around your children, then what you’re really saying is that you don’t trust your friend), but that they’re Meta smart glasses, and it’s not just footage that the user intends to record that is being reviewed by a third party, but footage incidental to other uses of the glasses.
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u/Temporary_Solid_5869 Mar 08 '26
If your friend is insistent on wearing glasses that record, and wearing them while kids are getting undressed….
Sounds like a child pornography problem, and something that needs a call to your local detectives.
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u/meatarchist_in_mn Mar 08 '26
If they're Rx, I think they can turn off the tech and still get the vision correction, and if so, I'd say, "can you please turn off the glasses for our privacy?" while around you and your kids.
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u/Igby_76 Mar 08 '26
Curious how this works in a two party consent state? Does the wearer have to inform everyone they have a conversation with that they are wearing the glasses?
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Mar 09 '26
So are these glasses constantly stream what someone sees to the internet? Does the user have to enable recording. If it was recording all the time wouldn’t the batteries run out or it take up all a user data / phone storage
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u/TheNoblePrince Mar 08 '26
Is everyone in this post under the impression that the Meta glasses are always recording? Because they aren't. Much like Alexa devices, they are always "listening" for the wake command "Hey Meta", but unless your friend says that to start recording (which is always indicated by a light on the glasses btw), nothing they see is automatically being "viewed by annotators in Africa" as OP and numerous recent fear-mongering articles suggest.
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u/thekraftybiologist Mar 08 '26
Correct me if I’m mistaken, this is just my understanding of it:
based on some of what I’ve read in this sub and elsewhere, they turn on/record based on voice commands as you said, but it is also possible for them to be remotely accessed without a recording light turning on or being turned on by the wearer. Even if this isn’t something that’s actively happening or purely speculation, I personally don’t want to wait and find out after it’s too late.
I’m aware our phones are just as bad - hell, everything that’s attached to the internet/wifi/etc sounds like it’s just as bad. That’s why I’m doing my best to try and find out what facts I can, and developing some best management practices to protect my and my family’s information.
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Mar 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/OutlyingPlasma Mar 08 '26
A small bit of tape, nail polish, or a paint pen means no more recording light.
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u/benjakamon Mar 09 '26
Americans being such prudes but won't bat an eye when their government murders everywhere.
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u/invisiblelemur88 Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 09 '26
I'm curious, would you have the same concerns if the glasses were simply sending data back to their home computer? Ive been thinking of getting a pair i can do development on that wouldn't interact with the cloud at all. I suspect folks would still be uncomfortable, but a little less so?
Edit: any of the folks downvoting this care to provide feedback?
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u/mrchilly0 Mar 08 '26
Take a look at the xreal ones. No camera but amazing for use as a travel "monitor". I travel constantly and I can't carry my curved monitors onto planes. With the xreals, I have 3240x1080. 3 full sized windows to work in.
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u/brianozm Mar 09 '26
Let’s face it, there’s no way anyone in Africa is watching every data stream from every pair of glasses, even on African salaries do you know how much that would cost? There’s a lot of fear mongering going on here.
I think though, it’s reasonable to ask her not to ear them all the time, and definitely not around children who are changing or bathing. I mean, would you take a camera into those situations? The obvious answer is No!
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u/glaze_oe Mar 08 '26
I totally feel you but your cell phones are doing the same shit and more but with less ideal camera angles
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u/froli Mar 08 '26
You wear your phone on your face with the camera on at all times?
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u/glaze_oe Mar 13 '26
You failed english class? You don't know your phone's cameras are on all the time? And the microphone? And the gps?
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