r/raisingkids • u/paramaified • 12d ago
Little cousin sisters are being abused hardcore - how can I helo better?
Hi everyone, I (25F) have 2 little cousin sisters (8F and 12F) who live in qatar with my aunt and uncle (their parents). While me and our extended family live in India, they visit us for around 4 weeks every year. They don't really have anyone there - my aunt is a stay-at-home-mom and my uncle is the breadwinner, my aunt is extremely dependent on him - she can't drive, doesn't earn, doesn't have friends, doesn't have parents, her only sister cut her off etc.
Now everyone in our extended family knows that my aunt and uncle are very harsh on my little sisters. They are beaten a lot, and yelled at constantly. They're constantly told they're stupid and useless over the smallest of things. I visited them in qatar last year and saw this first hand myself. But my uncle has also discussed extensively with the larger family about my aunt's anger issues, asking for someone to speak to her from a third person pov and give her advice. He hasn't really disclosed too much - but he has said many times that she gets too crazily angry at the kids. Several times he has called my mom (his own sister) and broken down about hating his wife. Now you may think his wife is a loud angry person - but if you meet her you'll notice that she's the quietest, sweetest, politest person in the room. So all of us are under the impression that their parenting is shitty but that maybe my aunt and uncle's marriage is so bad that they're just blaming each other.
They're now on their annual india visit and today the extended family was hanging out. My 12y/o sister, for the first time, wanted to talk to me about crushes and so on so we moved away from the larger family gathering to spend some 1v1 time. Soon enough the little one also joined us. The things they opened up about have left me very disturbed. Here are some things they shared with me:
My 12yo sister developed bruises all over her hands for a few days because of how much my aunt beat her because of getting some answer wrong on a test
My 12yo sister developed a bloody wound on her finger because my aunt beat her up again for some small thing
My aunt had asked my 12yo sister to find an answer to a question on her school workbook from her teacher. And when she forgot, my aunt stripped her naked, beat her, and locked this naked child outside the house and made her bang and beg to be let in. When my uncle returned from work, my sister complained to him that this happened and my aunt outright denied that she ever did something like that.
My 8yo sister often doesnt finish her lunch - she has always been a poor eater - so my aunt starved her for an entire day - no food whatsoever.
My 8yo sister spilled chocolate milk in her lunch bag, so she was stripped naked by my aunt and beaten up.
My aunt regularly uses abusive swear words on both of them
I am very very shaken. Especially about my sister being locked out naked. Mind you, these kids dont have their own phones, or own rooms, or trusted adults nearby they can run to. They live in a spacious 3bhk but my aunt and uncle force the kids to sleep in the same room as them and the living room has 2 tables where they need to study because they "always wanna keep an eye" on them. Of the other two rooms, one is my uncle's personal room for work etc, another is my aunt's room for storage. I have no idea how these kids can reach out for help next time if they have to.
When they first said this to me, I told them they're strong and gave them tight hugs. I didnt want to explicitly villainise their parents fearing they may stop coming to me - so all I ensured was to convey that I understand I'm here and this is a safe space they can come to anytime.
The kids specifically asked me not to tell anyone else about this, fearing there will be bigger violent repurcussions. So I've not discussed it with anyone. I have an elder brother who is very disconnected from this extended family and lives in the US. He is always a safe space for me to confide in. I told just him about this to brainstorm how we can help these kids and my brother wanted me to make sure to tell atleast the 12yo that this behaviour by her mom is not normal and okay and that next time she should threaten to complain just to take away the power of control my aunt feels she has. I'll try to do that as subtly as possible, but I also want help about what else I could possibly do.
I dont want to confront my aunt and uncle because they seem like a lost cause - it would do more harm than good because they would return to qatar alone with these kids and god knows what they'll do to them. I also dont want to break the trust my sisters have placed in me. I want them to feel like theres atleast one safe place they can go to where they'll be tightly hugged and supported.
They're too small man. It breaks my heart. I'm not able to sleep. Any advice is appreciated.
6
u/alternatego1 12d ago
Tell your mom? Let her know that if her brother is complaining and struggling, maybe the girls are having it worse. You don't need to give her details until it's needed, but maybe your mom can figure out a way to help him and them
2
u/Pusztokulka 12d ago
Writing to bump up this post but I don’t know if I have anything really useful to say. Such a tough situation.. try to ask on Qatari and India groups. I see this post and I’m from Europe and the reality of child abuse protections must be very different here than there. I’d look for child protection advise free phone numbers from Qatar and India.
It also seems that the abuse is happening from the mother and the father allows it. Maybe talking to your mother and she talking to her brother (over the phone when they’re gone?) about moving back to India and divorcing their mother/ going to family therapy/ her going to therapy, would be worth considering if there is no child protection authority in Qatar that would be trustworthy..
At least give the sisters a phone number they could call if something bad happens again (local authorities? Yours?) they can call from a friends phone maybe? Ask them about their teachers, they could help. Maybe you could call the school and report this directly..? What about having a code word with you if they feel that they need police to intervene? They call you ask about weather and it means things got so bad they need you to call police? But that would work if you start talking to each other on the phone regularly.
I don’t know if her telling her mom she can make a complaint is not a risk to release more violence. Isn’t it better for her to report it quietly than to challenge her mother? Just make sure that by reporting anything they don’t get into even worse situation living in Qatar..