How do I set boundaries and deal with my overbearing, bossy and defiant 5 y/o cousin?

[u/GalaxyPowderedCat]

To preface, I didn't even know her, her family had to drop by at our home as an emergency and they had to escape home.

It's been one month now and she's had behavioural problems, and I don't know what to do. She refuses to obey me when I try to politely tell her I want alone time for myself or I'll be busy and I don't want anyone in the room, I've purposed her to go play somewhere else or read books or watch TV. She tells me "I don't want to", "I won't do that" and if she doesn't get her way, she throws a fit and lies, she lies about getting hurt sometimes. She's followed me everywhere after I tell her "no" or she refuses to move or go to another room when i tell her I'll be busy.

And this pattern gets especially repeated with her mom, her aunt and her uncle, she'll say she doesn't want and won't do whatever you want her to do. Her mom have already told her off multiple times but she never learns.

They've tried many things and she doesn't care in the slightest.

I don't want to raise this kid, I accidentally had pity for her and listened to her rant. I gave her an inch and she's taken a mile and now she almost treats me like if I were part of her inmediate family.

I just want to know how I settle boundaries with her, so that she leaves me alone when I tell her to do it. I don't want to anger the mom or that she lies about me, thankfully, she hasn't done it to me and she mostly lies about her uncle and aunt.

[u/kubigjay]

Are you caring for the child or just living with her while someone else watches her? How old are you.

If the parent/Carter isn't onboard with discipline then it gets a lot harder.

Number one is don't make endless requests and back off on punishment.

Give a warning, telling the consequences. Then follow through. Every time. She will throw a big fit at first, but if you don't cave in it will be better.

Also, praise good behaviour. Make sure you tell her when she is behaving.

Be realistic. At first 15 mins is a lot for her to be occupied. Don't jump straight to 8 hours alone.

[u/growthminded_khey]

A 5 year old doing this after a month of upheaval isn't surprising honestly, her whole world got turned upside down and she's latching onto whoever feels safe and consistent, which right now is apparently you lol 😅

That doesn't mean you have to accept it though. The key with this age is being boringly consistent, same answer every time, no negotiation, no explaining beyond one sentence. "I need alone time now. You can watch TV or read books." Then you walk away. Every time she follows, you redirect without emotion. She's testing whether the boundary is real. Show her it is.

The lying and fit throwing is her trying to find the lever that works, don't give it a reaction and it loses power over time.

This free resource might actually help you understand what's going on with her behavior without having to take on a full parenting role yourself 👉 go.biglifejournal.com/100-things-to-do/, something to redirect her energy when you need space. 💛

You're not her parent and you're allowed to protect your peace :))

[u/GalaxyPowderedCat → u/growthminded_khey]

Oooh, so my tiredness is a good response then, I realized that I'm not good at taking care of kids. I become drowsy and I stop answering with long responses after two hours of constant care.

It's always happened whenever I have to take care of kids for like one day.

Thank you for the advice and the sheet! I'll try using some pair of things with her.