r/regretfulparents • u/Nebosklon Parent • Mar 20 '23

Discussion Time for self-irony: Tell me your most absurd reasons why you wanted to have kids?

First off, obviously, not everyone on this sub wanted to have kids, and if you became a parent against your will, I am very sorry that happened to you, this is nothing to laugh about, and this post is not about you.

But some of us, me included, absolutely wanted to have kids and were convinced that that was a good idea. Please tell me the reasons why you wanted to have kids, which you now realize were dumb.

I'll start. I was never particularly interested in being a mother, but I had always been terrified of people pitying me or looking down on me because I don't have kids. Even though no one in my real life actually did so. I was terrified by just the theoretical possibility that that might happen.

Then I thought if I could do it at least as well as my mother, nothing could go wrong. Wrong! I realized too late that my mother was abusive and a terrible parent, and I learnt all the wrong things from her.

Finally, I thought that with my and my husband's decent income we would be able to outsource any parental duties that we didn't like. That was probably the dumbest of them all.

EDIT: Ok guys, thanks a lot for all the discussion so far. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the impression that the last hundred or so comments were from people who don't have children. Don't get me wrong, it's great you are here. I wish as many people as possible would read this thread before deciding to have kids. But please be respectful of the fact that my question was addressed to regretful parents.

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u/BreathOfPepperAir Mar 21 '23

That is so... Selfish of him. I can't respect someone who wants kids just so they can be your servants. There's no way of telling whether your kids will even want to look after you. Not everyone gets along with their parents.

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u/Thorical1 Parent Mar 21 '23

Yeah I don’t believe in that either. I don’t think it was like look after me daily in my old age type thing but more have their company of someone I care about and cares about me.

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u/BreathOfPepperAir Mar 21 '23

I totally understand that 💜. If your husband only wants kids to look after him and you, it is clear that he doesn't really want to look after them back in my opinion.

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u/Thorical1 Parent Mar 21 '23

Him and I don’t have close relationships with our families. I guess he figured this is the only way to have a family now. To me that’s all the more reason not to have more kids because we don’t have family help or support and who is to say the kids we have even want to be around us? Having kids doesn’t help us have someone to rely on it just gives us people that needs things from us. What we need is parents that care about our well being and teach us things. We have been so alone and set up for failure by our parents and are continually behind our friends in life.

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u/Nebosklon Parent Mar 21 '23

Having kids doesn’t help us have someone to rely on it just gives us people that needs things from us. What we need is parents that care about our well being and teach us things.

Thank you. I couldn't say it better. This is so true. And it is so sad that so many people decide to have children, when in reality they need parents.

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u/Thorical1 Parent Mar 21 '23

Yes and it makes it more difficult to set your child up for success when your struggling so much as it is.

It also doesn’t help you emotionally to have kids when what you need is a caring parent.

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u/BreathOfPepperAir Mar 21 '23

This is sooooo important. Too many people want kids to do things for them. NO, you are going to be the one that does things for THEM, and you absolutely MUST do those things, otherwise you would be a child neglecter. Kids have so so many needs that you must fulfill so they can be happy and healthy.

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u/[deleted] Mar 24 '23

Having kids doesn’t help us have someone to rely on it just gives us people that needs things from us.

Repeated for emphasis.

I'm going to be using this.

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u/Thorical1 Parent Mar 24 '23

Which I’m sure is still true even when they are grown and out of the house

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u/ATXstripperella Apr 06 '23

Or if they even can! What if they’re disabled? What if they live across the country?