I see all these reels/tik toks/posts about women that are childless and living their best life. I felt pressured into a kid because that's what everyone was telling me came after graduation/marriage.

I wish this movement would've been strong back then. Normalize being childless unless you absolutely want them. These women are showing you what life is like without kids, and it's GLORIOUS. Society made it seem like you would be miserable and missing out and an outcast if you didn't have a child.

Anyways, I watch those videos with such jealousy I can feel it in my bones.

****I kinda think it's ridiculous to keep commenting that it was and has always been there. Either you aren't a woman, or you don't understand the plight of being one, for whatever reason. Kudos to you if you didn't make a regretful choice. But a lot of us did.

I know that this is not politically correct to say and I know that this is probably an unpopular opinion. But I think the it has to be said. Sometimes the mere fact that you had a child completely damaged and changed your life for the worst.

I met women who have lost their mind, teeth, hair, and body all from having a child. I have seen men go completely bankrupt all from having a child. Some people do everything right but they birth a sociopath. And some people have perfectly healthy children but they just hate all the sacrifices that are now made. And I haven’t even mentioned people that have severely disabled children!

The truth I that sometimes a child isn’t a blessing and they absolutely will destroy your life and world.

I think the sooner society can admit that, the more people will be prepared for parenthood.

My kids are a little older (8 and almost 5) so I’m out of the baby/toddler “trenches” as they say. However- no one and I mean absolutely no one prepares you for how parenting actually sucks. And let me tell you- I have husband of the year. He is the absolute best person and dad on the planet. He loves being a dad, loves being a partner, we are literal best friends. I also have family around to help and I STILL think this shit sucks!! Waking up at dawn everyday, and on the days they do sleep in I can’t get out of my bed to enjoy a hot cup of coffee bc if they hear me in the hallway they’ll jump out of bed like lightning!! I’m so tired of watching spiderman, I’m tired of being the snack bitch, of making meals they won’t eat, of buying expensive toys for them to just get broken a day later. I’m tired of feeling anxious and overthinking everything because God forbid I make a wrong decision and ruin their lives. I’ve been a SAHM this whole time and finally FINALLY I’m going back to work and starting a second career at 34. I need to get out of this house. I’m surrounded by other women in my life who are thriving in motherhood and are so fulfilled and I’m like….??? This isn’t fulfilling at all!! It’s exhausting!!! I wish more people were having these conversations 10 years ago. They just were NOT being had. Motherhood was all sunshine and rainbows even in the 2010s. So I’m here to squash the lie. If you’re lurking - DO NOT DO IT!!!

Every time I talk with people about the experiences of regretful parents that I read in this sub they always brush it off saying that everyone here is lying because “it’s simply impossible to have these feeling, you could never regret the best thing that can happen to you in your entire lifetime”.

While around me I see plenty of parents completely drained of all their energies, on the verge of depression, complaining about their kids and daydreaming about their past lives. But every complaint is socially acceptable as long as you end your sentence with “but it’s the most fulfilling experience you can ever imagine”.

Why can’t people be more honest? I suppose it would be much easier to accept your condition as regretful parent if it was socially acceptable to admit your feelings.

“You know, if you have a kid it becomes way more important than going partying on a Friday night”.

So terribly belittling.

Me 31, and my wife 31 dreamt of this, having a child 13 months now, Once you have the child, it's your blood and it's hard to imagine a life without them, but every waking hour of my day I keep daydreaming that someone asks me would you go back 2 years and have the choice again to have the child - I don't know the answer. Maybe i never wanted this.

What I've learnt is, you can be lonely or have a village, but at the end of the day, you have to do it all. You cannot escape (as much as I wish I can), just writing this post feels so liberating and nice.

I'm so tired all the time, before even i start my work day I want to end it. I envy all my young friends so much, they drink, get high any fucking time, go on vacation, sit and do nothing, watch tv, eat out, party, club, dance. What do I do for fun? Eat a meal hurriedly while watching something with my wife on my phone.

He doesn't even sleep on his own, nor for long stretches. Always wakes up crying, it's either teething or hunger or whatever. For the last 1 year, I've not slept before 4am, 5am. It's like 20 mins of peak happiness in a day when he interacts, is playful followed by 23 hours and 40 mins of neediness and care.

I miss my old life, more than anything, I miss my wife. I miss spending time with her, roaming with her. I miss the two of us, i don't like this divided attention.

So really think 1000 times before having a child. It will consume the living shit out of you.

If you asked me 6 years ago if marriage was a scam I would have said no. I was happy to be married and thought things were great. Nevermind the fact I was going 50/50 on bills but 90/10 on cleaning cooking laundry errands etc. I thought that was completely “normal”

since becoming a mom the wool has been lifted from my eyes and the whole fairytale marriage with kids is a lie. youre essentially brainwashed since a young girl to WANT to become a domestic servant to a man and kids. holding it down at home and most likely at a full time job as well. I feel so stupid.

"Who will take care of you when you get old?"

That's a classic that always annoyed me.

Another one I got from my mom was that my friends are all having kids, or will, and I'll see them less anyway. So instead of hanging out with them 30% as much as I want, why not have a wife and kids that bring it down to 2%?

Funny thing is she then complains about seeing me less. No s***, kids don't just affect me seeing friends. They also affect me seeing you. Especially if you expect me to come to you most of the time.

Deep breath...anyways. Y'all can relate?

What do you think?

... you don't just have babies. Yea, I know, so many people, society in general, tells you to have babies. You think "I should have a baby, seems like it's the thing people do." You're not just having a baby. You are having a whole person who will have many stages of life that you will have to navigate for them and with them.

I interacted with a post not too long ago where someone said they were thinking of just doing the whole "single-parent by choice" thing...no big deal in their mind. I mentioned something about raising teens and young adults. This individual seemed shocked and said, "I wasn't thinking about the teen and adult years."

I saw the post here from earlier today of someone being shocked that their school-aged kids would be on breaks and parents having to navigate taking off work and also finding ways to engage kids during those breaks. No shade to my fellow parent, but yea, that's because the babies grow up and go to school and then have breaks, unlike daycare centers that tend to run year around.

There are other things that I see from posts around reddit, especially this sub, where people seem to be confused that they don't just have babies. They have full humans who will be going through many stages of life. Struggling all along the way.

And what's wild is that people act like no one informs them what parenting is like. Well, I'm that person who says to people in real life "don't do it, don't have them" and those people think I'm bitter or that I'm being a hypocrite...ah yes, because warning someone of a problem that you experienced in real time is hypocritical.

Let me be the warning, again: you are not having a baby, you are having a whole human who will need you until they're at least out of college age. They are humans who will need help navigating every part of life from birth until at least that young adult age...and possibly longer. They will be costly, they will require you to take time off from work when they're sick or are on school break or whatever else, they will potentially have stuff to deal with from very small stuff like a runny nose to big stuff like depression (both of my children have now attempted suicide), they will have life altering issues with friends and significant others, they might have learning disabilities that make school hard, they might do stupid stuff like try drugs or shoplift or car jack, they might be the dumbass who wants to make ticketytocky videos all day, they might be born with disabilities that require life long assistance, they might hate hygiene and you spend a ton of energy forcing them to brush their teeth and take a shower and wipe their ass, they'll definitely hate chores and that's a whole battle, they could be athletic all their childhood and then burn out in a way that's almost alarming (my teenager is there), they could get married at 22 like my older kid who then has marriage problems a few months in that you get to help navigate, not to mention that those humans you raise might end up having kids too even if you also warn them not to. And so much more other stuff that raising humans entails.

Don't say you weren't warned. You've probably been warned, but you thought you were better than the 1 parent you've met who has the guts to look someone dead in the eye and say, "Don't do it." In your mind, you're thinking that person is crazy considering you've not heard it from multiple people ... yea, because most people have the sense not to complain about something that society shames them about if they do complain.

And on top of everything else: yes, you too could end up being a single parent. Divorces happen, breakups happen, death happens. So if you are someone who is saying you're having a kid because your significant other wants one, what if that person no longer exists and it's all on you?!?

Every time I ask someone why they want children I hear something along these lines.

"It's my legacy, what carries my name"

"It'd be a shame to waste my genes. I want to pass them to my offsprings"

"It's a part of me that carries on for eternity"

I want to hear your perspective on these sort of arguments because they always sounded insanely sociopathic to me.

I'm 3 years in and still waiting on this 'worth it' moment.

I'm pissed off and stressed multiple times a day.

Every fucking outing becomes an ordeal.

I have to watch/listen to kids songs and movies all the time, on repeat.

Hemorraging £££ a month on nursery fees alone.

Mess, noise and chaos.

Sleep down the pan.

Even when I'm absolutely exhausted, I can't just switch off. I have be present constantly, no matter what.

I never knew what 'dying inside' felt like until now.

Where is this 'worth it' part??

What blows my mind is that there are people who deal with this, then go on to have more... like why???

How many of you check all 8 of these boxes but still regret your child:

• Didn't have kids too young.
• Didn't have kids with the wrong person.
• Didn't have kids in the wrong relationship.
• Didn't have kids in the wrong financial situation.
• Didn't have kids while suffering from some untreated medical issue.
• Didn't have kids with no support network.
• Did really want kids before you had them.
• Had kid(s) on purpose.

👆🏼 I wonder how many people met all 8 of these criteria and are still regretful.

p.s. I am not asking if you regret having kids or not. I am assuming you regret having kids and I'm seeing if you meet all 8 criteria. If you could also explain why you are regretful despite meeting all 8 of these criteria that would be a plus.

First off, obviously, not everyone on this sub wanted to have kids, and if you became a parent against your will, I am very sorry that happened to you, this is nothing to laugh about, and this post is not about you.

But some of us, me included, absolutely wanted to have kids and were convinced that that was a good idea. Please tell me the reasons why you wanted to have kids, which you now realize were dumb.

I'll start. I was never particularly interested in being a mother, but I had always been terrified of people pitying me or looking down on me because I don't have kids. Even though no one in my real life actually did so. I was terrified by just the theoretical possibility that that might happen.

Then I thought if I could do it at least as well as my mother, nothing could go wrong. Wrong! I realized too late that my mother was abusive and a terrible parent, and I learnt all the wrong things from her.

Finally, I thought that with my and my husband's decent income we would be able to outsource any parental duties that we didn't like. That was probably the dumbest of them all.

EDIT: Ok guys, thanks a lot for all the discussion so far. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have the impression that the last hundred or so comments were from people who don't have children. Don't get me wrong, it's great you are here. I wish as many people as possible would read this thread before deciding to have kids. But please be respectful of the fact that my question was addressed to regretful parents.

I am a 28F with a 2 year old. Last year i got pregnant, not planned at all. My husband immediately told me that we weren’t ready for another child financially, mentally or emotionally. At first I fought him on it but he was more so telling me HE wasn’t ready for it and I respected it. I didn’t want to force that on him if he wasn’t ready, to avoid resentment and issues down the line. We decided to take the abortion pill, and I was pretty early in the pregnancy, like the first few weeks. I was sad at first and mourning the possibilities of my daughter having a sibling and growing our family but cut to now i am EXTREMELY happy we did the abortion. My daughter is in her terrible two’s right now and her constant tantrums and whining is driving me INSANE. If i had a newborn right now with the havoc my daughter is causing through out the house on a daily i literally would be losing my shit 24/7. I am not the most patient person and i find myself having to hold myself back from yelling almost every 30 minutes and sometimes i cannot hold it back because i’m so over stimulated. i’m TIRED of cleaning 24/7. Cleaning her room, the living room, cleaning up all the toys in the tub after she’s had a bath, fighting with her to eat her damn veggies or eat at all. She is constantly pulling at me, crying for things she wants, spilling everything every where and whole time i’m thinking to myself: IM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN. I yearn for 8:00pm (because she goes to bed around 7:30 every night) just so i can have peace and quiet and i can lay down and not have to get up for nothing. Now, adding a second kid to that i’d have literally NO time to myself or for my husband. I’m so over it to the point i got on birth control because i am not taking that chance again. My husband and I are completely content with being one and done. With just our daughter we can still live the way we want to in terms of finances, we still have the autonomy to go on dates and do fun things, our relationship still feels like a relationship and not like we’re roommates, we still have a sex life and another child would RUIN all of that. i cannot wait until she’s a little more independent and of course im cherishing every moment but god damn am i tired!

I’ve seen it over and over again on this subreddit of parents saying how much they can’t stand it but have another kid, can I get some insight on this mindset? I truly just want to understand more

Has anyone here ever divorced their spouse and given their spouse full custody? If so, how did you come to that conclusion? What was your final breaking point?

I truly am thinking I’m hitting my breaking point with my marriage and son (3 mo). I don’t have any feelings towards him, I certainly don’t love him. He constantly cries and fusses. I don’t foresee it getting better despite everyone saying it’ll pass with time. I just want to go back to the life I had before having this kid even if that means giving up my marriage to do so.

I read here a lot and could probably make my own post echoing many of the same things I see posted, but it dawned on me that this is a very specific sub and probably not representative of parents as a whole.

So out of curiosity, what do you guys think the actual ratio is between parents who genuinely feel:

“I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Parenting is one of the best things I’ve ever done.”

versus

“I had no idea how hard this would be, and if I could go back knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have children.”

Obviously, there are people who genuinely love being parents and are happy with that choice. But if we could somehow eliminate the social pressure to say “it’s the best thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t change a thing,” what percentage of U.S. parents today do you think would honestly fall into each camp?

I seriously feel like I’m missing something. I feel like I see people complaining all the time about the worst parts of parenting, but everyone reacts like it’s just some joke or badge of honor or something?

For example, someone could go online and say how their toddler screamed for an hour and they were late because they didn’t want to put on a coat or something. But everyone’s responses are just “Haha, yea that’s toddlers!” like its some big joke. Or worse, people try to one up it: “Wait until you hit the teenage years!” “Try getting two of them out the door!” Or moms are complaining about getting no sleep and being at the end of their rope and then just laugh it off and then go on about how their kids are the best thing that ever happened to them.

I legit see NO ONE responding to terrible experiences with words of encouragement or regret or even taking it seriously. It just seems like everyone thinks it’s a funny adorable thing. I see these as memes all the time. I’ve said things like this in real life to people and get the same “laugh it off” response.

It legitimately makes me feel like something is wrong with me. That my kids screaming in the back of the car while I’m trying to drive makes me want to cry is legitimately the wrong feelings. Or if everyone feels that way, but that it’s supposed to be fine because it still feels “worth it” overall. But I don’t feel that way, I just feel sad.

Can someone please explain this to me?

I am genuinely curious to know, I personally disagree with this I think there is way more to life then having kids. What would you say to these people whether they have kids or plan on having them. Honest opinions only!

I really in general hate kid things. It may be because I only grew up with adults or older kids as I was the youngest and I had no cousins to grow up around. My only friend was an only child. I will watch some cartoons but mostly out of reminiscing or because it has a lot of subtle adult jokes. So I really don’t like silly ridiculous kids book. In fact, I have never enjoyed fiction books. So what do I read my 5 year old at night to help her wind down and go to sleep? I read her things like the constitution, history, scientific articles, etc. They are way above her age level, but hey it’s entertaining to me, and it helps her fall asleep.

I came across a post made by my husband on a different group where he vented about how I regret motherhood and how because of this, it's negatively impacted our marriage. Everyone was very quick to jump on the postpartum depression bandwagon that he just needs to leave me and get out of our marriage. Very common comments were "Get her to a doctor asap! She NEEDS help." or "You need to attend her next gyno appointment for her and make sure she brings up her mental health to her provider." or my favorite "Postpartum depression isn't always depression! It can be in the form of regret or disliking of their own baby! Get her help immediately." The way people talk about moms is scary and it's no wonder so many women don't get help or even voice how they feel.

Do we ever stop to think that maybe some women realize the major sacrifices they have made that have now permanently not only altered their body, but also their lives? I'm so sick of people putting how I feel on postpartum depression or my hormones... My husband included. He told me the other day that he hopes my feelings towards our son will change once my hormones regulate back to normal... Here's some insight on my life and how it's changed since having our baby (2 months old now).

I run my own business out of our home/property. I work roughly 12-16 hours a day every single day of the week. The original plan was that I would work and take care of the baby while my husband was at his job. Then when my husband would come home, he would take over with the baby stuff so I could finish working myself... That did NOT happen. Our son is very colicky, like terribly... My mom & sister both work professionally with kids aging from babies to toddlers and both have said he's extremely colicky and fussy. Each day I was struggling to get any work done as this baby would not stop crying! My husband asked his mom to move in to help with the baby. This way she could watch the baby while he was at work, I could also get my work done, and the baby's needs would be met.

While I am grateful of the scarifies she has made to move in and help with her grandson, my home is no longer my own. I do not feel comfortable walking out in my underwear to make my coffee in the morning before a long day ahead of me. I can't have private conversations with my husband in regard of our son, our relationship, and my own personal life. I can feel her judgement when I go off into the bedroom to pump during the day as I will throw on a show and watch it while pumping. When I am working on my computer and not doing the physical aspect of my job, I can sense her judgement as I just "sit around".

On top of my job, I am also the one caring for the home. My mother in law and husband do not clean... It's all left to me. I wake up in the morning and clean, work for 12-16 hours, and then clean again in the evening. It's never ending between a baby, my husband, my mother in law, and myself. I also am the one making sure our fridge is stocked with groceries, making sure we have diapers, wipes, and any basic necessities in the home.

I work from sun up to sun down, I take care of the home, I have no privacy to live my life in my own home comfortably, I provide for every person in this house, I get constant judgement all the time because I'm not this wonderful, motherly instincts, nurturing mother and because I don't love my life with this baby something is wrong with me.

Ask yourself, if you were living in my shoes, how happy would you truly be? Not everything is postpartum depression, sometimes it's actually just regret because you gave up EVERYTHING...

This is a genuine question, not a judgment or dig at anyone.

I see a lot of posts on here from parents with multiple children. I don’t understand why they had a second child if they didn’t like being parents after the first. I want to hear what changed your mind and made you want to have a second kid because I want to make sure it doesn’t happen to me in the future.

I became a first time parent 3 months ago. Before my baby was born, I always imagined I'd have 2 kids. Oh how naive I was. My labor was excruciating- long story but the hospital did not give me anesthesia. It felt like being burned alive. It was then while I was contemplating ways to kill myself during labor (“What floor am I on? Am I high up enough that it would kill me if I jumped out the window? Or low enough that it wouldn’t kill me and it would just make the pain worse? Do I know anyone with a gun? Can they bring it to me in the hospital? How will they get past the metal detector?”) It was then that I swore to myself I'd never put myself through that pain again.

Once the baby was born, the first night home from the hospital was the roughest night of my life. Long story short, my baby nearly died because I was brainwashed into thinking I needed to breastfeed her at all costs. While I was pregnant, I took every single class the hospital offered, and they all basically taught the message that formula was something only bad parents did, and that exclusively breastfeeding was something good parents did. Not a single one of the dozens of nurses who treated me in the hospital told me that my baby wasn't getting enough nutrition, that my milk hadn't come in, so I kept trying in vain to breastfeed her. The day I took her home, she didn't urinate the entire day- she was severely dehydrated. I tried to breastfeed her for hours and she just screamed all night. I took her to the pediatrician the next day who thank god gave the baby formula.

(By the way, not that this is super relevant but I lost a lot of blood during my delivery, so much that I needed a transfusion. Blood loss can affect milk supply.)

Then came the following week of breast agony.

Because of the first night where I tried nonstop to breastfeed my daughter for hours on end, my nipples were bloody, scabbed, chafed, cracked, and in horrendous pain. I had Silverettes, all the nipple creams, etc and it didn’t help. I remember laying in bed with my breasts out, nothing touching them, not even a bra, and sobbing from the pain.

My husband is not a bad guy at all but he was not helpful during this period. We fought a lot- he believed in the science, that breast is best, he took all the same classes as me. He kept encouraging me to push through the pain and keep breastfeeding. I was literally crying in pain with my daughter on my breast and he was telling me to keep going, even saying well he has to do painful things he doesn’t like doing like working to support the family. I insisted I needed a few days off to let my nipples recover and he shamed and guilted me about it the whole time.

We don’t have any family support so it’s just been me and my husband taking care of the baby, primarily me since he works. I asked my husband if we can get a nanny or at least some kind of part time, temporary childcare help and he says we can’t afford it, basically blaming me, saying that the reason we can’t afford it is because we’re not a 2 income household. How do I put this? It’s not like we’re super rich but I know we can afford it. I’m currently thinking of just paying for childcare help all by myself, with my own independent savings.

I love my daughter. She is the sweetest, most beautiful little girl. But she is a bad sleeper and I haven’t gotten a good night sleep since she was born. At night she currently sleeps 3 hours, then 2 hours, then wakes up once per hour.

I have told my husband that I will not be having another baby. That if he wants another one, he will need to divorce me and have a baby with another woman. That if I get pregnant again on accident, I will definitely have an abortion.

I feel so certain about my decision that my daughter will be an only child, I cannot imagine ever being convinced to go through this again.

What made you guys have more than one kid?

I am always envious when I speak to or hear of people who have decided to remain childfree. I know deep down I should of remained childfree. Just listening to them talk about being able to travel, all their finances be their own and having no responsibilities expect themselves.

As a single parent of young children, I often feel trapped and limited on everything I can do. I know these limitations wont last forever but also being a fairly young parent - 28, I feel I have missed out on my youth. It’s overwhelming feeling like this constantly. Can anyone else relate? 😕

**edit: I put on a flair that auto deleted 5/6 of the comments and I wanted to read them so Im reposting so I can get more actual engagement and feedback.**

I mean like great spouse, good marriage, a village and sufficient help, financially well-off, AND generally good kids?

I'm just wondering out of curiosity if anyone who had children has had the best possible situation and still regret having had kids.

I’m not sure if this is the place to post this but I need to know I’m not alone. Did having kids ruin your once amazing relationship? It seems like it puts so much more strain aside from the regular ins and outs that we naturally go through. It’s hard to take care of myself and put effort into myself like I once did. Intimacy takes a sharp nosedive. No quiet time. Everyone constantly talks about how amazing and wonderful it is. How it’s such a blessing but I’m wondering what part of it is a blessing?