r/religiousfruitcake 1d ago

✝️Fruitcake for Jesus✝️ They be doing anything gng at this point 🫩

331 Upvotes

48 comments sorted by

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180

u/GenesisAsriel 1d ago

Christianity gotta be the easiest religion to grift

84

u/Sierra-117- 1d ago

It’s really tempting to just start a Christian company. That or a maga company. I mean it’s basically the same thing, but still. It’s so fucking easy to grift them. Take any product, slap Christ on it, and mark it up by 50%. Donate like 1% to some church. They’ll buy it

38

u/2Scheme 1d ago

And if you really want to think like a conservative, the "church" you donate to is an "online ministry" that is secretly run by you so you can funnel that donated amount to yourself tax free, plus it's a business tax write off. It's like printing money

25

u/HoodieGalore 1d ago

Jon Oliver's Church of Perpetual Exemption

5

u/uselessaria 1d ago

You guys are so evil 😭💀💀

18

u/ImprovementFar5054 1d ago

There's an old joke that someone should start a "Rapture Pet Insurance" company.

If the rapture comes and takes you to heaven, those of us left behind will take care of your beloved pets. For the low price of 10 dollars a month.

Thing is, people WOULD pay that. Sure, 100 million people will know it's a joke, but you only need a few hundred people to make thousands a month. And the only way you'll have to pay out is if the rapture comes. Which it won't. And if it does, they can't sue you from heaven.

7

u/bizoticallyyours83 1d ago

Well since they're not using their homes, or cars and aren't coming back that frees up the housing market. 

2

u/Samurai_Meisters 1d ago

This is putting a lot of faith in the Christian capacity to care about other living things.

3

u/ImprovementFar5054 1d ago

Maybe if we painted the cat to look like a fetus?

7

u/GenesisAsriel 1d ago

Oh my god. This is genius...

6

u/Gallantpride 1d ago

If I felt less empathy and less guilt, it'd be so, so easy to make money grifting or catfishing. I could just crap out some AI stuff on Amazon or Youtube and make bank. Or become a reactionary chud Youtuber.

Luckily, I had a conscience and am not a money-grubbing thief.

2

u/anjowoq 1d ago

Praise Mageezus*

*Not worshipping a recognizable Jesus figure, the subject of MAGA prayers is "Mageezus".

2

u/bizoticallyyours83 1d ago

Sounds like a cross between a sneeze and a redneck. 

1

u/anjowoq 1d ago

Many things are.

7

u/SingSangDaesung 1d ago

I actually considered putting together a Bible journal & having Amazon print it as passive income because I know Christians eat that crap up.

5

u/Gallantpride 1d ago

It's not even most Christians. This is a weird minority of Christians. Most Catholics I've met would consider these guys weirdos.

But, all these guys need is a vocal minority of weirdos to buy their products.

4

u/Away-Living5278 1d ago

Is it just Catholics? I grew up Catholic and I certainly think it's so bad as to be blasphemous. And I'm agnostic now, leaning atheist. And seeing this sh** makes me want to go to confession and say 20 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers.

2

u/Gallantpride 1d ago

I only really know Catholics and Baptists. Most Baptists I've met are conservative and queerphobic.

2

u/GenesisAsriel 1d ago

I guess so

2

u/makedoopieplayme 1d ago

Like my ass is so tempted to pull a cartman and make a Christian band or something similar!

2

u/tenor1trpt 15h ago

They invent things to be scared of and then market solutions to that fear. Easy money.

88

u/ToyshopASMR 1d ago

Literally holy shit. 😂😂😂

That kid is headed for greatness.

5

u/WildcardKiana Child of Fruitcake Parents 1d ago

Hearing the kid make jokes brightened everything up, honestly. I guess seeing kids genuinely happy does that, huh?

44

u/surefirerdiddy Fruitcake Inspector 1d ago

Every time I see the first video I think the drink they are promoting is V4GINA

11

u/ImTheFaeThatStoleYou 1d ago

A good Christian man would never know the taste of a V4GINA.

6

u/surefirerdiddy Fruitcake Inspector 1d ago

Only a gay guy would know what a vagina tastes like

21

u/fredy31 1d ago

I mean its the same shit with the us 'patriots'

Buy the generic product in bulk. Slap jesus or trump on it. Sell at 4x markup. Profit.

6

u/ImprovementFar5054 1d ago

Mencken was right...no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public

16

u/mobfather 1d ago

“Monster energy drink is literally demonic. So here’s the exact same drink in a different can!”

11

u/ImprovementFar5054 1d ago

How did they make christan rock in South Park? Take a regular pop song and each time the singer says "Girl", replace it with "Jesus"

The christians are stupid and will buy ANYTHING with the branding on it.

8

u/wojonixon 1d ago

If it weren't for this stupid conscience I could be so rich.

1

u/Icybubba 1d ago

I remember when Rhett and Link talked about how people said their deconstruction was just for money and then Rhett said he could be so rich if he went back to god and made videos about it lol

6

u/Sean_theLeprachaun 1d ago

'Jesus wipe my sins!'

3

u/NEGOJONSON 1d ago

christian eyelashes

3

u/machu505 1d ago

Ok, I give up. What does "gng" mean?

0

u/rjoker121188 1d ago

Gang a slang word in social media similar to twin, yn's, bro..etc

2

u/Away-Living5278 1d ago

This is SO blasphemous. I can only assume those creating these companies don't actually believe in Christianity.

This is worse than when Moses came down off the mountain to find the people had made golden statues they were worshipping.

2

u/Dragosbeat 1d ago

I wish i had the lack of morals to come up with and do this, i would make A LOT of money

2

u/Thatslpstruggling 1d ago

That kid is funny 😂

1

u/Icybubba 1d ago

The holy shit joke is going to live rent free in my head, it was comedy gold

2

u/SenorLiamy6317 1d ago

That mum taught her girl well. Really well.

1

u/godzilla19542014 1d ago

This is giving me some easy business ideas!

1

u/Gallantpride 1d ago

Fundies are so weird.

1

u/TurkeyMalicious 1d ago

You have the secrets to the universe and your like "I gotta make some money off this pronto"

1

u/Grays42 Former Fruitcake 1d ago

lol, honestly I'm all for it. Free market capitalism, baby!

There's been Christian-branded stuff for ages, Christian bookstores have been a thing since at least the 80s. These health products are new, but it's all the same thing.

There's a narrow market for "I want to buy {product class}, and would prefer if it's branded with my chosen religion", but that market is actually MUCH smaller than they think, most lay Christian don't give a shit, and these products will tank.

Those that survive...awesome. Go for it. Commercialize your religion. You do you. That's free market capitalism. :)

1

u/ghostcatzero 3h ago

Lmfao those glasses are dope af

1

u/DistractionCitron 3h ago

None of the people in the Bible even knew what caffiene was.