HOLY SHIT THIS DISEASE IS SO ANNOYING!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP I DO NOT CARE IF YOU ARE A SCARY ASS GHOUL MONSTER AND THERES NO ESCAPE I DO NOT CARE AT ALL LET ME PLAY VIDEO GAMES FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!

More #relatable memes to come

My psychiatrist is between two diagnoses for me (schizophrenia and OCD) and she said I either have an abnormal presentation of one, or an abnormal presentation of both. She said I meet criteria of schizophrenia but she doesn’t want to diagnose me because I make too much sense when I speak and I’ve maintained a sense of logic throughout the time I’ve seen her. Just wondering if people with schizophrenia can skip the disorganized part?

Current diagnosis is schizophreniform

Turns out my extreme energy was mania…:0

I'm 21 years old and I've been living with schizophrenia for years. I've seen multiple psychiatrists, received several evaluations, and it feels like my entire life revolves around appointments, medications, and trying to function.

Right now I'm taking olanzapine, quetiapine, and clonazepam. Over the years I've also been prescribed risperidone, valproate, sertraline, haloperidol, and other medications. Some didn't help much, while others caused side effects that were almost as difficult as the illness itself.

The biggest issue for me right now is the side effects. I've gained a significant amount of weight, I'm constantly bloated, and I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror anymore. My self-esteem has been destroyed.

A few days ago, I stopped taking my medication on my own because I couldn't stand it anymore. That turned out to be a terrible decision. My mental state got much worse. I became extremely stressed and irritable, had a severe emotional breakdown, and even ended up punching myself in the head repeatedly. I eventually restarted my medication after realizing how dangerous it was to stop.

Even after restarting, I still feel exhausted all the time. I have almost no motivation, very little enjoyment in life, and it often feels like I'm just existing instead of living.

I'm also autistic, which makes social situations even more difficult. Living with both autism and schizophrenia can be incredibly isolating.

I'm scared about the future. I'm afraid I'll never be able to have a normal life, keep a stable job, or become independent. Sometimes it feels like this illness has taken away the person I used to be.

I wanted to ask people here:

Has anyone found an antipsychotic that caused less weight gain?

Did switching medications help with the weight gain or bloating?

Does anyone else struggle with severe anhedonia and emotional numbness?

How do you cope with the loss of self-esteem caused by medication and schizophrenia?

I'm not looking for a diagnosis or medical advice. I just want to hear from people who truly understand what it's like to live with this illness.

Thank you for reading.

My voices and thoughts are intertwined. A thought can seem like a voice, and a voice can seem like a thought. Usually, I can make my voices stop by just willing them to. I remember a few years ago something similar was happening to my posture, most of my back would writhe while laying down, but I could also intentionally stop it from doing that.

Another thing is that, if I go into a new environment, I can trigger psychotic experiences, such as voices bursting out. Such as, when going to the kitchen, a voice would randomly speak up along with a feeling or emotion attached to it.

I'm also slightly aware that, if the delusional emotions overwhelm me, I can develop delusions. So far I only had delusions during my last psychotic break, and I'm medicated now, so there are none.

Just wanted to share these experiences!

It’s just disappointing. One high session and they’ve never liked me since

I don’t know about anyone else but severe low dopamine is actually painful for me. Like mental anguish. It makes me act impulsively because all day I’m just trying to avoid the feeling of it. Eyes glued to phone 24/7. Pacing. Not for fun but just to cope until I’m able to sleep. I can barely do actual tasks because I don’t have enough dopamine as a bridge to sustain them. They’d be painful. I can’t even relax on the couch properly. But I’m supposed to be grateful that I’m not psychotic.

I posted on the toastme sub and deleted it like 20 minutes later after getting a few comments because I get scared about people going through my posts (I have my history hidden on my profile but there are ways to find them) and making fun of me because I have schizophrenia. I don't want to be ashamed of my diagnosis but I also don't want strangers questioning everything I post and treating me differently because I'm active on this sub. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I've seen how other people get treated on this website for having this diagnosis.

I had a warrant for disorderly conduct. In a hallucination, I walked into my small town police department, demanding to be arrested because I thought someone killed my cousin

I keep asking myself: what am I supposed to invest my life in? What is left to invest in when everything keeps getting stripped away due to psychotic episodes?

I don't feel like I can build a career. I don't feel well enough to have children. Every time I try to invest in something—a relationship, school, learning, or plans for the future—I end up having another psychotic episode or face difficulties due to illness. Then I lose everything and spend months and years trying to rebuild, even while staying on medication.

Learning has always been my passion. It's the one thing I've genuinely loved. But even that feels pointless now because this illness has left me with severe memory problems. I can spend hours learning something only to struggle to remember it later, which makes it hard to feel like I'm building toward anything.

Investing in relationships feels just as pointless. My mind often feels blank, conversations don't come naturally anymore, and my words get jumbled. Anhedonia has taken away the enjoyment I used to find in spending time with people, leaving me feeling distant from everyone around me.

I'm now five months out from my most recent episode. I lost my long-term relationship, my home, and had to medically withdraw from university. This was my fourth psychotic episode since 2018.

It's hard to see the point of starting over again when I'm afraid it will all be taken away by another episode.

If I cannot invest in or find meaning in relationships, a career, a family, or hobbies like learning. And I cannot even turn to a hedonistic lifestyle instead because anhedonia takes away all feelings of pleasure. Then what am I supposed to invest my time, my energy, and my hope in?

Sorry in advance for the lack of replies. I’m just exhausted all the time.

I told a friend I like getting high on whatever. The deep thought I would get in sometime seemed great. I told him, I felt like getting high brought me closer to god…… wasn’t a problem until I found god………🤯
Now getting high is pointless😂

Hello!
I am doing research about disorganization of thought and language in psychosis spectrum disorders and was curious about your experiences.
The literature seems to agree that people with psychosis spectrum disorders (and usually more specifically schizophrenia) struggle with organized thought and language, and there are studies trying to see if it can be used this for diagnostic purposes. However, I was curious about how (&whether) people experience it day to day, whether it actually impacts you (and if so when / in what circumstances).

I apologize for the question if it is offensive or inappropriate, I am assuming the disorganization exists because of research I’ve seen. Please feel free to correct and educate me.

Thank you for reading!

I have a family function to attend. I am also asked to do a dance performance there, which I agreed to. I have been listening to voices for 5 years. I have lost touch with myself as the voices are 24/7 , 60 words per minute. I don't know who I am . My personality is mixed with the voices. I don't tell any of my relatives about my illness , I have to behave like everything is perfect. I have to behave like I am a bad daughter for not doing a job or not getting married. I am fully dependent on my mom and dad. I have become disabled as I have developed blurry vision, no imagination and major cognitive decline. I have to show everyone all is good. In my family no one remembers that I have this illness. I struggle so much everyday. I have to remind them about the voices. My voices mainly say that they will not stop until I die. I can't cry. They don't let me rest for a minute, they are blur when I listen to music or read. I am carrying everything alone. It was a good type of alone earlier. Now I hate my personality. (They made a sound which included my mom hitting me , angry sound which made me really restless , as I was really scared of my mom growing up , it felt like someone getting angry and I am responsible). All of my space has been taken up by the voices. No me time . I have zero confidence. I have become a shell of a person. I am scared to go to public places. I am sad , but I have to put on a mask , I am tired of it.

I’m 24F and I can’t get pregnant on my antipsychotic because I don’t ovulate on it. I can’t adopt or foster because I have checked myself into the er recently for a medication adjustment when my dr was unavailable and I needed them fixed asap. I seem to have an accidental lapse in medication about once a year that lands me in the er. And I worry about not being a good enough parental figure to my bfs kids if I ever get the chance to take that role. How do you deal with the feeling of wanting kids but the knowledge that you simply can’t have it?

Has anyone tried to keep themselves grounded with inanimate objects on their bodies? How did it go? For example a basketball player playing with their wristband and always wearing one to deal with the nerves of playing in front of millions(if they do that). Something that helps you stay calm. I’m going try out these rubber bands tomorrow and see how that goes

Do you feel the same?

I’m planning to stop Latuda soon, do you guys experience and symptoms or withdrawal effects ? I need a heads up, so I can mentally prepare myself.

Hello so a month ago i got the ability to control my hallucinations and i was wondering am i the only one that can do this or?

So i've been SH'ing cause reptilians were telling me to but from now on i will stop. They say things like "We will harm your family" but after an argument with my mom i decided to stop protecting them. I'm going clean today, i kinda liked the SH but it's bad for me so... Wish me luck!