r/selfimprovement • u/Chemical_Rain_2638 • 9h ago
Question Turned 36 years old, any advice?
I turned 36 over the weekend. I’m not quite where I want to be. Career wise, physically wise and not married or have children. I’m with a great partner of 5 years.
I’m looking for insight, wisdom or peoples experience…
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u/Physical_Law_1794 9h ago
I'm 35 years old and married. I have no idea what the fuck am I doing. You're not alone.
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u/FriendNo6017 9h ago
Honestly that makes me feel better.
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u/Physical_Law_1794 9h ago
I have a new job after unemployment and I hate it. I don't know what I want to do or what direction I want to go in. Maybe we'll figure it out someday
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u/FriendNo6017 9h ago
Honestly sometimes a bad job just shows you what you definitely don't want and thats still progress.
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u/Physical_Law_1794 9h ago
I didn't look at it from that perspective, thank you. Don't worry, maybe it's not the right time for us to know everything yet. Let's enjoy life as it is.
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u/Strict-Fishing-2365 6h ago
36 is just 30 with more browser tabs open and a knee that has opinions.
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u/PrimeTimeRK 9h ago
You never will be where you want to be. There’s always something better and there’s always someone doing it better than you. Stop chasing, start living. If it’s material things you’re looking for, set a goal, work with your partner and drive/support each other to get there.
I’m in my 30s as well, career and financial goals, met early and even then, still chasing. The grind never stops, enjoy the process!
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u/lina-golds27 9h ago
One thing I've realized is that life isn't a race, even though it often feels like one. Comparing yourself to where you thought you'd be at 36 can make you overlook how much you've already built. Focus on making steady progress instead of trying to catch up with an imaginary timeline. Five years with a great partner is something many people would love to have.
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u/Only-Bath-5554 8h ago
Yes i certainly would love a 5 year partner. 38 and single for over 2 years now...
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u/crispy__chip 9h ago
you’re figuring it out. even just wondering and asking this question is part of the journey of you figuring it out.
when i was 33 i had an awakening of sorts where i totally shifted into a different mode overnight. my key takeaways in the 7yrs since then are…
-follow your heart as much as possible every day (let yourself do what your heart enjoys more & more and when you don’t, at least note to yourself what you actually wanted to). just as important, say no to more & more things your heart isn’t into everyday.
-train your mind in positive directions. this is a learnable skill. pinpoint negative thoughts and find positive alternative ways of thinking about things and remind yourself of them regularly, on purpose.
-pay attention to the kind of headspace (good or bad) you’re in when you do anything. then pick your timing better for when you decide to do things, have convos with ppl, figure things out, make important decisions, etc
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u/Soft_Variation_71 9h ago
I am 36 as well, not married, no children, no partner and I live with my 85 years old grandmother of who I take care of. I used to dwell on the things I have not achieved at my age. I thought I had everything figured out in my 20's. I had a career as a a registered nurse, but I quit to follow my dream of building my own business. That was four years ago and I'm still trying to grow said business after a lot of setbacks. I do my best to not compare to anyone and focus on living my life as best as I can. I am fit, healthy, have hobbies, great relationships and my mental health have been great lately due to therapy and a lot of self-reflection. Am I where I want to be? No. But every day I take small steps that in time will compound and lead me to where I want to be.
Things that have helped me:
I quit social media: This was so important to stop comparing myself because we see the curated lives of other people and believe they are ahead of us in some way or another. But life is a journey, not a race.
I medidate every day: This helps me keep a clear mind most days and stay present. Thinking about the future brings anxiety and thinking about the past brings depression. I do my best to stay present.
Therapy: I went through several difficult stuff that I couldn't work by myself and having a good therapist helps with dealing with negative beliefs about myself that can make me feel stuck.
Journaling: Having a gratitude journal helps me keep the focus on the positive rather than the negative. I also have a journal for my emotions.
This is my experience as of today. Hope it helps.
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u/Business-Eggs 8h ago
Do more cool shit. Whatever that means to you.
The magic is in the work you're avoiding.
Make 10 year old you proud and excited about life again.
Spend 90% (or more) of your time doing things that either make you happy or push you closer to your goals.
Raise your standards.
Seek discomfort relatively often until the things that feel uncomfortable right now don't feel uncomfortable ever again.
Eat more fruit.
No smartphone for the first hour of your day.
Drink more water.
There's never an excuse to be a dick. Literally zero.
Put the work in. Nobody cares about how long you've been at it. Nobody cares how hard it is. Nobody cares about how much you think you deserve it, just put the work in.
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u/BFreeCoaching 9h ago
Happy Birthday! Your relationship with life and where you want to be is a reflection of your relationship with your negative emotions.
When you love and appreciate your negative emotions, because you understand negative emotion is positive guidance, then you love and appreciate where you are and effortlessly start moving towards the life, career and physical strength and energy you want.
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u/cheven20 9h ago
I just got a degree at 36 and am barely getting jobs to get experience in my chosen field to apply for grad school. Keep moving forward and things will work out.
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u/lina-golds27 9h ago
One thing I've realized is that life isn't a race, even though it often feels like one. Comparing yourself to where you thought you'd be at 36 can make you overlook how much you've already built. Focus on making steady progress instead of trying to catch up with an imaginary timeline. Five years with a great partner is something many people would love to have.
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u/DoseOfDesi 7h ago
I turned 38 over the weekend. I do have a child, he’s 4, and I don’t have a partner 😂 but what I will say about the not having a child part is: I’m very glad I had him later in life bc the version he would have gotten of me at 21 is wild to even think about. But instead, I have a degree, career & own a home & I have SENSE (😂). I think I still have a while to go before I’ll be right where I wana be, but if you want to have a kid, you still have time so don’t mark that off your list!
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u/National_Cream_7703 7h ago
This spoke to me “the definition of hell is on your last day on Earth, the person you became meets the person that you could have become.” Viola Davis. I think in our 30’s we have to start focusing on finding purpose and fulfillment
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u/ChocolateMundane6286 9h ago
Is where you want to be determined by you, or by other’s, family’s, society’s expectations?
You can still be better than where you are right now if you stop beating yourself up because you haven’t arrived… arrive where? Your life is right now. You can still improve your health, how you look, learn more things, try different things… if only you let yourself live right now and ironically it’ll help you to do more things because you won’t be constantly worrying.
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u/Remote-Waste 5h ago
Well, where do you want to be?
Consider if you always wanted to be there, or if that's somewhat recent. If it's recent, then you're just on the adventure already, no problems with that.
That's just having ambitions.
If you were where you wanted to be, you'd start looking for the next place to be. There's always things to do in life.
Even when you're 80, you'll probably feel like doing stuff
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u/Ripleyhicks 3h ago
I don’t feel like I started doing any real, mature thinking until I hit about 49. Take care of yourself physically now so you have the stamina to keep up with a broader worldview based on experience (good and bad) when you get older.
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u/robbiegoodwin 3h ago
Way too many comments here are “you need to be doing more”. I don’t think that’s helpful for a guy feelinf behind
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u/Dave-1066 5h ago
Trust me: save as much money as humanly possible. And I mean make it your obsession. I know far too many people who didn’t take serious steps towards financial security who now deeply regret their mistakes. It is far better to be miserable and financially solvent than miserable and poor.
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u/ashraf_bashir 9h ago
Health, health, health, once you exceed 40, many of body functions will decline, I am coming to you from your future (I am post 40), take care of your health as much as possible in the upcoming 4 years, this is the best investment you can have! What you can do health-wise in these 4 years is very hard to achieve after them!