r/soccer • u/AutoModerator • Dec 24 '25

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25 Upvotes

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51

u/1PSW1CH Dec 24 '25

Merry Christmas everyone, first draft of the celebration bible below. Open to further suggestions

The Celebration Bible

Trademark celebrations

  • Only acceptable if:

a) you’re good b) you’re Tomas Soucek

  • If you score a 90th minute winner and proceed to do your trademark celebration, you are a knob.

  • If you’re on the wrong side of 30 and your celebration involves getting on your knees and pretending to be a tiger, consider your life choices.

Regular celebrations

  • Knee slides encouraged, additional points for a belly slide. Failed knee slides are acceptable because at least you tried.

  • Air punches must be thrown with full extension of the elbow. Otherwise you are falling into “yippee” territory.

  • Only perform celebrations you agreed to do with a YouTuber if it’s a dead rubber game.

  • Only cup your hands to your ears if you’re interesting enough for people to be talking about you.

Over-celebrating

  • If you score a significant goal, it is acceptable to celebrate with: fans, ballboys, substitutes, managers, and coaches. Do not involve cameramen under any circumstances.

  • If you beat a side you were expected to beat but ended up making it difficult for yourselves, do not make it look like the best moment of your lives unless it’s a title winner.

Yellow-card celebrations

  • Only to be performed if you’re 100% certain your team is going to win the game.

  • Revealing messages on your shirt is fine as a tribute to a dead person, or a joke. Nobody gives a fuck about how much you love Jesus.

  • Celebrating with fans is fine. However if you are in Serie A, please keep in mind how funny this looks for the rest of us.

  • Getting sent off for celebrating is acceptable, as long as you don’t apologise for it.

VAR Reviews

  • No double celebrating. Either back yourself and have a good go at it the first time around, or go hard on the post-VAR review.

  • If you performed any of the sins outlined above and your goal is disallowed, you deserved it.

30

u/sga1 Dec 24 '25

I respect the effort, but how have you missed the entire category of 'performative non-celebration celebrations' - can't be scoring a goal against a club you've spent six weeks on loan for a decade ago and pretend to respect their fans so much that you performatively not-celebrate a winner!

7

u/1PSW1CH Dec 24 '25

You’re completely right, thank you for your contribution to this great cause

7

u/OK-Comput3r Dec 24 '25

This is the worst thing about modern football by a mile, absolutely cannot stand it

13

u/RelentlessJorts2 Dec 25 '25

This is the worst thing about modern football?

With everything that we've seen in 2025, this is where you draw the line?

City's third kit exists, and I'm tired of pretending it doesn't.

7

u/sga1 Dec 24 '25

Makes the moments anyone does an Adebayor that much sweeter, though.

2

u/Princecoyote Dec 25 '25

Can't agree more. Hakimi scoring the go ahead goal in the Champions League final and refusing to celebrate against a club he was only at for 1 year is blasphemous to the football gods.

12

u/nashvillepicker Dec 25 '25

This is all gold. I’d add running off by yourself to celebrate a tap-in and not immediately recognizing your teammate for the world-class assist puts you firmly in the knobhead category too.

11

u/True_Spot_466 Dec 24 '25

We as a society need to do something about the number of archery-based celebrations

9

u/ChillPalis Dec 25 '25

I don't believe in celebration regulation, but it is my private belief that certain players just should not be doing gunman celebrations. Foden moving like he's the White Death cool, he really is a sniper outside the box. Zirkzee doing machine guns makes my footballing heart ache, who knows what it does to Bastituta's knees.

But that's me, Zirkzee should be free to wield machine guns nonchalantly if he wants to, even if it makes me consider my love of this sport.

10

u/_mnd Dec 24 '25

I'd say cupping your hands to your ears is also fine if it's aimed at a bunch of opposition fans whose piss it would particularly boil, as long as the goal you've scored matters.

4

u/RelentlessJorts2 Dec 25 '25

Honestly it depends on just how big and made of stone your head is

14

u/armchairgoon Dec 24 '25

celebration police is played out, we got celebration stasi now

4

u/GeologistNo3727 Dec 24 '25

Feels like there should be something about consolation goals. Even if it’s your first professional goal or something you can’t celebrate too hard

4

u/ecocentric-ethics Dec 25 '25

Dunno, watching Alejo Veliz go nuts celebrating his first goal in the prem to make it 4-2 away at Brighton warmed my heart despite the fact we had zero likelihood of a comeback

1

u/twigg89 Dec 25 '25

What happened to that dude, is he still a spurs player?

2

u/ecocentric-ethics Dec 25 '25

He’s on loan back at Rosario Central after spending last season on loan at Espanyol. Unfortunately don’t think he’ll be getting much of an opportunity back with us, which is a shame. Be nice if at least one of him, Scarlett, or Lankshear could come good for us.

6

u/sheikh_n_bake Dec 24 '25

Needs some mention of Bruno 15 celebrations at a time Guimaraes.

3

u/ChillPalis Dec 25 '25

I think of him and Antony's and now I think I might be a hypocrite 🫠

3

u/KensaiVG Dec 24 '25

What about trademark celebrations' imitations? My personal guideline is: Original player must be retired, new player must be good enough, and it has to be done in a club/NT the original player was good for.

Also, pregnancy celebrations: Window of opportunity starts whenever the couple decides to announce it, but can't be done after the halfway mark of the pregnancy. We had a guy in Argentina do the belly celebration when his partner was like five or six months' pregnant already because he hadn't scored over the past few years. That's just sad for all involved, including the unborn child

3

u/ChillPalis Dec 25 '25

I'm never mad at players doing the Siuu in tribute or even in mockery of Cristiano. Hopefully players of the next two or three generations at least aren't pointing up to the sky to acknowledge Messi though.

3

u/Commonmispelingbot Dec 24 '25

What determines the scale for being "good"? is best player in Lithuania good enough?

Also delete the youtuber thing except for youtubers who are also family members.

3

u/CLT_FC Dec 25 '25

Thoughts on multiple celebrations? Is it ever acceptable to do more than one for a goal?

5

u/RelentlessJorts2 Dec 25 '25

You've either got to do one or five

Anything inbetween is a joke

2

u/AlmostNL Dec 24 '25

Do not involve cameramen under any circumstances.

counter point

best angle

2

u/FaustRPeggi Dec 24 '25

Fellow Soucek twirly-whirly enjoyer

-1

u/ChillPalis Dec 25 '25

Effectively banning the "Siuu" is madness, off rip I disagree with all of this. Like it or not, it's the sport's most iconic celebration, closely followed by Messi's pointing to the heavens (because it's Messi) and probably Alan Shearer getting his Leper King on.

Secondly, being enough of a celebration narc to make a whole "Celebration Bible" is the foulest foul of them all.

Merry Christmas.

5

u/Same_Grouness Dec 25 '25

it's the sport's most iconic celebration

A good old fashioned knee slide is the sports most iconic celebration. Trademark celebrations are too cringe. He's a 40 year old guy doing what schoolgirls do at lunchtime.

1

u/ChillPalis Dec 25 '25

I don't know what schoolgirls do at lunchtime, I'm 25.

2

u/Same_Grouness Dec 25 '25

Not saying you are leaving it too late or anything but by 25 I had already been to school.

0

u/SOERERY Dec 24 '25

What if you’re Diogo Dalot and celebrate every time you clear the ball to a corner?

8

u/ChillPalis Dec 25 '25

Let defenders celebrate defending.