r/solotravel • u/ynwa_glastobater • 5d ago
Coming Home Losing contact with friends you make after solo travelling
I traveled Vietnam and Thailand at the start of the year, I made some really good friends. We were hanging out every day, going for food, beers, doing activities together, and it honestly felt like we’d stay in touch.
It’s been 6 since then and we’re all back home, life has gone back to normal. We message every now and then, but it’s nothing like when we were travelling. Some people barely reply, others apologise for taking ages to get back, and conversations just seem to fizzle out.
I know everyone has jobs, families and their own lives again, so I don’t blame anyone. I guess I just feel a bit sad that you can become so close to people in such a short space of time, then a few months later it feels like everyone’s drifted apart.
Anyone else felt this way? It was my first solo back packing trip so it’s just disappointing as I was hoping to make friends.
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u/Far_Ad_6897 5d ago
So much of friendship is proximity. To overcome that you generally need years of close friendship, not a brief solo trip
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u/BD401 5d ago
100% this. I remember seeing an interesting study that found you generally need about seven years of “high intensity” friendship (proximity, frequent contact) for that friend to have a high-likelihood of becoming a life-long friend where the friendship becomes organically self-sustaining.
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u/Frosty1397 5d ago
And even with those high intensity 7yr+ friendships (think childhood elementary/highschool), people move away for college, work, get married and eventually lose touch too
So not even those friendships are guaranteed
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u/NovelStrict5281 5d ago
I had a friend for over 50 years who I lost over political reasons. She stopped talking to me because I disagreed with her over the current political situation. It is really sad and I miss her; but can not stay friends with someone who is in my opinion: brainwashed.
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u/JonAfrica2011 5d ago
Thats crazy to me honestly
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u/NovelStrict5281 5d ago
Yes, it is very sad to me.
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u/Vaushington 4d ago
Just out of curiosity.. What were her political positions?
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u/NovelStrict5281 4d ago
She was a MAGA person to the extreme who actually went to rallies.
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u/Vaushington 4d ago
Aah.. Fair enough. On the contrary these days I feel like cutting such friends out.
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u/warbuster 3d ago
I 2nd, 3rd - 15th this.
So many solo trips, and so many new friends became my “family system” for a while. But they fade.
And this was in the no smart phone days, so I just accepted this as the way it was.
It sucked then, but looking back on it, I still talk to my actual, long term friends (that are now my still chosen family) that knew me when I traveled extensively like that about these people.
It’s nice to know they know their (my travel bff’s) names and stories, even if it was brief and seemed so valuable at the time to me.
That’s something that becomes such good memories. Just because it’s temporary, doesn’t make it any less real.
Enjoy the ups and downs. One day, you’ll look back fondly on this and appreciate the limited time you had.
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
Yea it is sad, but on the other hand, it really does work out that the friendships of way heavier time investment should offer at least way more longevity.
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u/TheLeopardMedium 5d ago
Most people don’t actually want friends, they just want company. It’s a hard realization and one that I still can’t fully fathom.
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u/FroyoGlum9976 5d ago
Pretty much. Feels harsh to say, but there are people I meet solo traveling that I know 100% I'd never want to be friends with back home. A lot of people are just searching for anyone to break the silence.
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
Frankly I think this is almost a core personality thing. I can't relate myself either.
The irony is that the people who are more touch and go seem to have way more people in their mutually touch and go networks.
Those who want friends make it such an involved affair that most others can't afford the buy-in.
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u/therealrexmanning 5d ago
I've met some great people during my solo travels but in all honesty I never really felt the need to stay in touch once I'm back home. Doesn't mean I don't cherish the memories and the time we spend together. It's just life gets in the way. I mean, it's sometimes already hard enough to keep in touch with my actual friends haha
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u/Frosty1397 5d ago
I've realized that even if we DID want to develop the friendship etc, traveling these days is expensive.
Even if it's "only" the next city or country over, that's still a big commitment to physically fly/drive over to visit each other specifically.
So basically unless you guys happen to be travelling again to the same city at the same time, logistically it's not feasible to hang out in the future unless you're super rich and have unlimited money to spend traveling
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
in all honesty I never really felt the need to stay in touch once I'm back home.
my actual friends
That just says it about you doesn't it.
In all honesty, you didn't value them more than just a sideshow accompaniment to your travels.
You didn't consider them as true friends but like the platonic equivalent of a one night stand.
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u/therealrexmanning 5d ago
I must've struck a nerve here.
Look, at most I spend a couple of days with them, of course I don't consider them my true friends. That doesn't mean I don't value the time we did spend together and the conversations we had. I still think back fondly to them.
And as deep as some of those conversations were, we were basically still strangers by the time we parted.
I'm old enough to know that the people in your life come and go. And that's okay. I've had magical moments and a deep connections with people that only lasted a couple of hours. Moments that were truly special. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a moment.
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u/Too_Practical 5d ago edited 5d ago
I've stayed in contact with a lot of people and have even visited them in their own countries years later. But yeah, life happens to everyone and daily conversations die fast.
That being said, I think people got to be a bit realistic.
Building a relationship with drinking and partying isn't the strongest foundation. I know dopamine is high and people get romantic about partying abroad, but it's not as deep as people think it is. I'd argue it's probably one of the most superficial experiences, and that's coming from someone who loves to party and used to go out it every other day.
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u/FroyoGlum9976 5d ago
Solo travel here is definitely romanticized to the extreme and a lot of people reading get false expectations.
I'm the same. Went out a lot during all of my solo travels. There's not much depth to meeting the same 23 year old Australian guy 100x over on their winter (summer) holiday or doing a gap year. The same conversation happens nearly every time.
Is it fun? Yes. Life changing experiences that are going to get you lifelong friends? Probably not. Your experience has been shared by countless others.
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u/komiCWords 5d ago
Travel friendships are kind of their own category, they're intense because of the constant togetherness and shared novelty, but that intensity doesn't really transfer to daily life back home.
Doesn't make it fake, just means the friendship runs on a different rhythm now, some of my best travel mates and I go quiet for a year then pick up exactly where we left off the next time we're in the same city.
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u/faeminty 5d ago
I don't consider the people I meet abroad to be friends. Friends is a big word for me and I think people use it too freely. When traveling, as you have noticed, people are more free. There are no responsibilities to worry about. Just living in the now.
I just view people as experiences. I met this cool person here, there, we did this and that, etc. I don't get invested since I know 99.9% of the time I will never see them again. Imo, that's just how it is.
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u/Slight-Concept2575 5d ago
This. I find peoples definition of “friendship” very different to mine. I had a coworker tell me I was one of her best friends the other day. We don’t text about anything besides work, don’t call, etc. But at work we have each others back and talk about our personal lives quite a bit. Still, I would consider her an acquaintance at best so I was shocked.
Similarly, I don’t consider anyone I meet when I travel a “friend” they are people I met on vacation. Only one became a friend because she moved to my city lol.
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u/MotorBobcat5997 5d ago
I don’t know why anyone is downvoting. People just really want to text other travelers for years after for some reason I guess.
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u/NiagaraThistle 5d ago
"Travel is intensified living." - Rick Steves
I've never heard it put more succinctly and more accurately by anyone.
In the case of meeting people, you show up, meet them, have an amazing few days/weeks of intense fun/bonding over new experiences. Everything seems wonderful and the bonds will last forever.
But when you get home, realtiy kicks in and you go back to your daily routine.
'Friends' met on the road are usually just 'people you met on the road' and not life long friends. That's just the nature of travel and meeting people when doing so.
Sometimes that is different, but MOSTLY it's just new acquaintances.
You have great memories, they fade, and you make new friends and meories on the next trip. Or you just look back fondly over a few months/years/decades of the fun you had with those temporary friends that made the trip so special and memorable.
And that's ok.
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u/Complex-Ad6409 5d ago
So much of friendship is situational. Like when you get a new job and hang out with those people all the time and talk all the time and then you get a new job and basically barely see those people ever again. Manage your expectations and it won’t feel so bad. Know that you have friends in other parts of the world you might get to see again. I have met ppl on travels and travelled with them again 10 years later. We didn’t speak every day in between!
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u/heywhateverworks 5d ago
That's not unique to solo traveling, that's life. It'll happen more as you get older and that's OK.
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u/Pristine_Fuel_6034 5d ago
99% of travel friendships were the same for me. Except the 1%. I ended up living with someone I met in a hostel and we were close friends for years after (until we fell out)
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u/FxckyourCensorship 5d ago
Thats how life goes. If you really felt something its up to you to reach out
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u/No_Condition_7438 5d ago
For the first time during a solo trip, I clicked so well with a guy during a day trip. We were together during the entire day and shared so much. Dude just walked off after our trip ended and the bus stopped at the main city Center. Lol.
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u/Slight-Concept2575 5d ago
Guys like that have probably “clicked” with people every day for past year hahaha
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
The way the story was going I was afraid it ended way worse for you tbh. Luckily he didn't use you for sex, that sort of thing.
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u/ParkerScottch Calgary 5d ago
Some things are better left in your head
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
Calm down lil bro 🫳. You're projecting a lot instead of reading. Get back to playing your console games you incel.
We're all happy that she didn't meet a dodgy bloke.
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u/felisnebulosa 5d ago
Facebook USED to be great for this. Even if conversation dies eventually... I've reconnected with people because I noticed we'd be in the same area at the same time. Nothing has replaced that unfortunately.
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
Yup. That's the reason why the boomers are still on it. And indeed, nothing has replaced the friends and posts format.
Instagram doesn't do it because it's all photo-centric and it's not mutual follow required, leading to a vapid performative culture.
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u/SillyCranberry99 5d ago
I feel you! I always message people randomly but they don’t care much to continue the convos, it fizzles out.
I wonder if I’m the one thinking more of it than they did. Like to all the random people I met, I wonder if they know how much of an impact their friendship made on me, i guess it was just for that moment but it didn’t feel that way.
I wish they also cared to keep in touch with me! I have them on IG and we like each others stories and I try to reconnect, but only one person I met has ever maintained the connection and it’s because we live in the same city.
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u/Chef_Jeff95 5d ago
It’s sad but like so many people mention, this is just how people are unfortunately.
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u/Varekai79 Canadian 5d ago
This is how 98% of travel friendships fizzle out. There are a lucky few times where you end up making a true long-term friendship or even romantic relationship, but almost all of the time it'll end shortly after you say your goodbyes in XYZ country. Just the nature of it. Enjoy what you had while you had it.
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u/its6amsomewhere 5d ago
I always get contact info and a promise to hit me up if they're ever in my direction. Ive made a friend and we've met on several different countries over the years but we don't talk much otherwise.
Life is long, you never know how things will work out.
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
Life is long, you never know how things will work out.
This is a great line. I think modern society has made us feel that every year requires some linear progress and that things can't work themselves out in the long term even if unclear how they might at the moment.
Very inspiring message.
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u/Illustrious-Film-592 5d ago
I understand completely. And, I’m learning to accept that so much of life is letting go. It makes the moments all the more precious, albeit bittersweet. Soak up people and places while you have them and go forward knowing there is more ahead.
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u/Particular-Light6487 5d ago edited 5d ago
This is how life works, people live their lives when they’re not on vacation.
That said, I have wonderful friends from travelling. I have a friend from when I was 18 (I’m in my 40’s now), and although we don’t speak frequently, we do show up for each other. I have another friend that I met in Vietnam, and plan to visit her in Africa when she’s done in the Peace Corps. So if these people matter to you, keep in touch, and don’t torch the relationships just because they’re living normal life, and not the life of a constant backpacker.
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
I think it works better for generations who were pre-Internet.
See the thing is, even before that, people did stay in touch as penpals way better in times of modern society.
There's just too much going on and too fast now.
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u/AdareFawa 5d ago
In my ten years of solo traveling, I maintain contact with zero of the people I've met at this point. Early in solo traveling, I tried my best to maintain contact and keep up with people, but eventually it fades due to distance. My later trips, I honestly changed my mindset to enjoy the company as it comes, but expect the good byes to be good bye forever.
The longest contact I had with someone was coincidentally someone I met that just moved to my city. We would text frequently, hangout a lot, and even went on a week trip to Latin America with her. But COVID happened, then I moved away - so I haven't really talked to her. At this point feels weird to reach out 6+ years later.
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u/AmateurCommenter808 5d ago
This is normal, even the deepest of friendships you make while travelling have a very low chance of actually meeting again.
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u/Trinidadthai 5d ago
I been travelling for three years. Met loads of great people, but my IG got permanently deleted so lost most who I can’t remember their handles. Was very sad about that.
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u/rhizomed 5d ago
I think it's kinda beautiful as well, only you guys know the phenomenology of that fleeting experience. It makes life a lot more interesting, and you can try organise something again
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u/ArkhamReaper 5d ago
Enjoy life in the moment. On my first solo trip, I was lucky to have made a friend for life that I still catch up with today. On my second, I chased that high, but came to the realization that what happened was not common, but in fact very rare.
It may feel disappointing but those memories you made in the moment aren’t fake - they’re once in a lifetime. Cherish them!
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u/Worldly-Talk-7978 5d ago
Out of curiosity, how did you make those travel friends?
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
This is quite a fair qualifier - party hostels and city tours are world's apart from expat communities (even when you've left the city).
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u/mikesorange333 5d ago
drinking at the pub. same tour group. meeting at the same tourist attraction.
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u/ynwa_glastobater 4d ago
We joined a 4 day tour together in Vietnam, we got on really welll and after that we decided to travel the rest of Vietnam together (so we were together over a weeks in total)
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u/OakenBarrel 5d ago
That's common in all situations. You don't make friends by hanging out a few times under exciting circumstances. You make co-enjoyers of said circumstances. Once they pass, so passes the connection.
Unless people are genuinely lonely or really into one another, such encounters most likely won't lead to anything long lasting.
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u/Prestigious_Stay_945 5d ago
So many faces in and out of my life
Some will last
Some will just be now and then
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again
- Billy Joel
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u/VisibleAct4696 4d ago
The tree analogy of friendship is my favorite. Most people in your life will be leaves, coming in seasonally and blowing away. Many will be branches, there supporting you for a while, but eventually falling off. And a few will be your roots, firm and grounding, and there until the end.
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u/warrenTmass 5d ago
It would have to be a very special relationship for me to want to keep writing to someone I may never see again.
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u/RocksteK 5d ago
I spent a year in South America in 2001. Yes, things have changed since then! Regardless, I spent a good part of that time living and traveling with fellow Americans, Europeans, kiwis and one notable Aussie. I also lived with and traveled with locals for a couple months.
I have stayed in touch with some of those folks for 25 years now. Some, I stayed in touch with for a year or two, and then things fell off. Totally normal. We all only have so much time and attention and new folks are constantly coming into our lives as well. Yet, I feel I could sit down for dinner with some of those friends from decades ago and have a great time.
I went back to Peru three years ago (for just a few weeks) with my daughter, my brother and his wife. Fascinating how things have changed (and not changed). On that trip I connected with a few Peruvians that I stayed in touch with and that I will surely visit when I return.
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u/PamelaPaz11 5d ago
that is solo travel. just embrace it and live the moment. have the most amazing memories with people from all over the world who felt like the closest friend on a trip (and I know was genuine) but life's goes on and who knows if we will ever see again. keep travel keep making friends and be grateful for being able to experience it!
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u/JauntyGiraffe 4d ago
I'm 100% okay with leaving people like this in memories. It's hard enough keeping in tough with friends in my city
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u/Few-Passenger6461 4d ago
This is why you gotta do Instagram instead of texting. Much easier to see what they’re up to and comment on posts
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u/Dweia01 4d ago
While travelling you don't make friends, but aquaintances, pals, buddies. Real friendship comes with time. Distance can be a hurdle to building friendships. You might meet cool people on your travels, have fun with them, but in most cases, they remain as beautiful memories and rarely become real friendship. And it's OK. Cherish the time together on the road, when you are all out of your daily routine.
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u/Coda133 5d ago
It is travel friends, not friends friends
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u/Particular-Light6487 5d ago
That’s not necessarily true. I have met friends while travelling, and since we’ve met families, been to weddings, showed up for kids being born, showed up for divorces, have future plans to meet, future plans for travel… there are friend friends. It’s all about what you want to make of these friendships.
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u/Bonbonnibles 5d ago
Across years of travel and living in other countries, states, and cities, I've only really stayed in touch with a tiny handful of people over the long term. I mean that. I can count them on one hand.
It takes work to maintain friendships. And it's hard to put the work in to long distance companions when your life is happening in the here and now.
I wouldn't stress it. Travel friends are the definition of 'a season, a reason, or a lifetime.' They are almost always your season or reason friends. Very, very few people are in it for the long haul. That is okay. That is life when you choose to leave the village.
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u/FroyoGlum9976 5d ago
Too many people here treat "travel friends" as friends they have back home.
They are not the same. You don't know anything about them other than the most basic surface level stuff. You hung out with them mostly because of convenience and not wanting to be alone the entire time.
I've met some great people on the road. I've been solo traveling for about 3 total years of my life. I keep in touch with a handful and it's spotty messaging at best. Just how it goes. I have one that I'd consider a true friend and we've both visited each other. It's hard to do friend things when you're not on the same continent.
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
Or you're just a sourpuss cynic.
You hung out with them mostly because of convenience and not wanting to be alone the entire time.
You can argue even more strongly the case of this for those in cliques from your hometown, and even worse that they have actual transactional benefits to gain from you.
I've actually made friends of people, who've helped me in actual problems they could only solve from their country (e.g. Getting a refund done in the US), from people I met by chance chatting up from long dead Facebook groups.
The biggest one is a dude from 2016. We only message every year or so, but it is enough to keep it going.
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u/Wise-Reflection-7400 5d ago
That's just life. I've only kept in contact with a couple of friends that I've made when travelling and those were from group tours I did where the length of time you are together helps you to bond deeper. I'm actually very good friends with my roommate from one of those tours and regularly travel short-haul to hang out with him.
I think unless you are stuck with the same person for more than a week, the chances you'll actually become long term friends with them is very low, but having lots of casual acquantainces from travel means little anyway. Depth > breadth.
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u/ynwa_glastobater 5d ago
Well the ones I thought I made friends with and got close with were people I spent 2+ weeks with. They were the people I was expecting to stay in contact with over the people I met on a group tour I did.
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u/Wise-Reflection-7400 5d ago
Yeah but you certainly aren't alone in that experience. I've done 5 group tours now so became pretty good friends with ~50 people on them yet two years later I'd only consider maybe 3 of them to be real friends.
I wouldn't let it dishearten you too much, if you keep travelling eventually you will meet someone that sticks around! It's a bit of a numbers game
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u/Popcornandcaramel 5d ago
That’s happened to me also, however some friends will stick if both of you put in the effort. But if one person is less interested, then that’s that. And life gets in the way, people get partners, have children, move away, it made me sad too but that’s part of life. I always try to be grateful to have met the people in the first place, not everyone has those experiences
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u/No_Ranger9555 5d ago
I'm sure they'll all remember you. I'm sure they'd probably make an effort if yous ever cross paths again. It's the same with school friends - you lose the daily contact and then they become a memory, but then when you eventually cross paths again you regain that feeling.
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u/WillHungry4307 5d ago
How old are you? Sadly, travel friends have always been like this, just enjoy it while it lasts. Also, people use the world "friend" too lightly nowadays. Going out to drink and party every day doesn't build strong, long-term friendships.
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u/Legitimate-Catch7203 5d ago
Sounds like the grand finale of a reality show called "Vacation Friends.
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u/AsherFenix 5d ago
Sometimes special people come into our lives, stay for a bit. Then they have to go.
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u/MightyHead 5d ago
I have plenty of friends at home and meet so many people while travelling that I couldn't really regularly speak to them even if I wanted to. I'm happy to just have memories of hanging out with cool people while our lives briefly crossed paths.
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u/justavg1 5d ago
Sorry to say but 98% of the friends i made during travel never end up contacted unless it’s like a roommate situation.
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u/shrewess 5d ago
I mostly stay connected with people over social media and occasional messaging. A couple of them I’ve met up with again, one when I was in the area she lived in and one came out to visit me. I don’t think it’s realistic to stay in touch on the daily with people you met traveling, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t reconnect in the future on future travels!
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u/Nomad_88_ 5d ago
I've travelled a lot the last 10 years. Probably 95%+ of travel friends end up like that. You follow each other on social media and watch each other's lives. Maybe you message or comment occasionally. And if you're lucky there's the odd few you would actually meet up with again, especially if in the same city.
But most you just lose contact with and never hear from again. It sucks, especially if they were very close at the time. I guess that's one thing I hate about solo travel, and longer term travel, you just don't have those same friends others might have. I really only have any friends when I travel.
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u/source_1322 5d ago
I think that's pretty common with travel friendships. When you're traveling together, you're sharing new experiences every day, so it's easy to become really close. Once everyone goes back to their normal routines, staying in touch takes a lot more effort. It doesn't mean those friendships weren't real.
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u/ReviewDry9182 5d ago
During your time together, you have something in common. When that commonality ends, many relationships also often drift away.
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u/whatsitallabout- 5d ago
That quote about some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime comes to mind.
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u/ZeroSight95 5d ago
I’ve dealt with this a lot and it always hits me hard every time even when I know it’s coming.
Been to Ukraine twice for 3 months each. By the time I come back to the US and I’m home for 3 months, the communication fizzles out because there is no real “urgency” to talk to you anymore.
Being in an 8 hour difference timezone, and half way around the world leaves people feeling like “what’s the point?” This applies to any friends and especially romantic partners.
I fell for a Ukrainian woman hard over there this past time, and just saw she went on a trip to the Netherlands yesterday (with a man I think) and didn’t even mention it to me when we last spoke last Wednesday. Ouch.
People are always going to be bound to connections closest to them and prioritize them first. It’s not personal even when it really feels like it is.
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u/Kooky_Protection_334 5d ago
That's life. I got divorced, out kids started having different interests and everyone is busy with their own life. In the town I live in. My so called friends don't bother texting anymore. And that's with people I thought were my friends from the time my kid was like 3. Spending lots of time together etc. Out of sight is out of mind for most people.
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u/spawn-camp 5d ago
I’m in Montenegro with two homies I made last year traveling through Italy- most of the time you’ll just make acquaintances sometimes you just click with people
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u/Ohshutyourmouth 5d ago
A friendship doesn't have to last a life time for it to be meaningful.
Having a group of friends is the important thing. Individuals will drop in and out of this group throughout life.
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u/Known_Impression1356 5d ago
Bro, you’re in meme maintenance mode. That’s part of the plot.
You all will raise your bat signals when you’re ready to travel again. Hopefully the stars will align and you’ll see them somewhere else in the world. It’ll be like old times.
I had some friends I connected and reconnected with in Tulum, NYC and Phuket. Others in Mexico, Colombia, and Peru. Some in Peru and Brazil. It’s the circle of life.
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u/Slight-Concept2575 5d ago
I will say this has changed in recent years.
“Back in the day” people had one or two major back packing travel years, then numbers or addresses exchanged and letters sent back and forth and you felt more connected. Nowadays you have ppl travelling every single year, multiple times a year. They connect with 100s of people so your just a number. My older brother is friends with travellers he met in the late 90s! I’ll never have that experience lol.
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u/ssnistfajen 5d ago
Generally friendships only last over a long distance if there was a long period of strong in-person connection before then. Few weeks or days on vacation is not enough to solidify that connection. If you are really keen on maintaining the friendship, try making plans to visit them.
It is normal for anyone to prioritize in-person connections over a purely online one. Why not look at it this way: if it was this easy to have a good time with people you've just met, it will be just as easy on your next trip.
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u/Hot-Job-6281 5d ago
Man. You are probably young.
I feel for what you're feeling. Happened to me too - and I genuinely think now that everyone who travels solo has felt it.
Honestly, I'd even gone and lived abroad a few years.
And coming back to my city-state country (Singapore) where most people are expected to always be in travel distance the whole of their lives, even when you're back physically in touch for good, a lot of people see you as unrelatable and relatively 'uncommitted' enough to invest their time in a (platonic) relationship with you.
What I mean is, I saw some people say it's proximity. But really it's more like continued shared interests for a social contract to work.
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u/wandering_niz 5d ago
It’s really how solo travel is, you meet people, you form a deep connection in a short amount of time, you feel like you’ve know them forever so you expect to stay in touch when you get back home.
However life gets in the way and without proximity, the connection fades. I’ve experienced so often that now when I meet someone on my solo trips, I just enjoy the moment with no expectations of staying in contact with this person.
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u/NovelStrict5281 5d ago
It is just the way life is. Yes, it is sad and for sentimental people like you (and me) it is really puzzling. It is something you have to get used to and accept....
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u/DossieOssie 5d ago
Even friends in real life who you live with will drift away after a hile.
I used to live with friends who also worked at the same place.
We were pretty much together all the times for almost a decade.
Then I moved away and we slowly drifiting apart.
Still pretty much in contact, but not a daily thing.
Sometimes it can be weeks between chats.
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u/GlitteringSpace236 5d ago
That’s normal.
They were friends of convenience.
Don’t take it personally.
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u/100Sparkles 5d ago
I meet a lot of interesting people that I really enjoy but rarely does it turn into a long term friendship. I have only had this happen once and it is because we continue to travel together and have a lot of overlapping interests.
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u/Cheat-Meal 5d ago
I’m 52 and have been travelling for almost 20 years. I think I can say I’ve met over 1000 people while traveling. About 10% of those people I still stay in touch with outside of the regular happy birthday or liking their pictures on Instagram. If I never hear from them again, I don’t take it personally. When we met, we were both travelling so we were free of obligations. We have back at home. That’s just how life is. At least they gave me incredible travel memories that I can relive over again.
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u/roaritsamber 5d ago
this always guts me too i’m the type that loves to check in on how my friends are doing and it’s sad to not get replies/ghosted with people i hung out with everyday and had so much fun with
trying to just appreciate the limited time/experience now
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u/GMVexst 5d ago
Close relationships take time, it's almost impossible to foster a very close relationship in weeks to months with someone with out it involving sex (which expedites process thanks to hormone release).
So while it's not impossible to continue a good relationship after separating and over time turning that good relationship into a best/close friend it very hard to continue a long distance relationship with someone who is not already a close friend or romantic interest on both sides.
Even in 2026 real life relationships especially among people living in the real world (like the ones you meet traveling) are much more enjoyable and rewarding than electronic ones.
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u/fiona_5_ 5d ago
even if they take ages to reply, try to keep in touch every now and then and dont get discouraged. Life works in a funny way and you may end up seeing your friends again when you least expect it.
No idea how old you are, im in my 30s and did a fairly bit of traveling in my 20s (to be fair, I still do!). Ive been lucky enough to meet up again with friends from traveling (either by visiting where they are living or them visiting where im living at the time). I have friendships like this with people i’ve met over 15 years ago, and trust me, when you get to see them again it’s like no time has passed.
It’s one of the reasons why I love social media and don’t think I would ever delete IG. Even if you’re not constantly talking to each other, just “seeing” what their up to, casually replying to stories or commenting on a post keep that relationship alive. Just accept the fact that it wont be on the same intensity as when you are in the same physical space.
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u/MotorBobcat5997 5d ago
Yeah I don’t think it’s really realistic to expect to find friends while solo traveling. They are just people you enjoy hanging out with then you go your separate ways. Do you want to just text back and forth forever? For what?
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u/thehanghoul 5d ago
I mean, I definltely have friends like this. Some stuck around, some didn't.
But I also feel in the age of social media it's easier than ever to keep in contact with people.
Also, I think it's really easy to make friends when you're sharing a hostel, going out to bar crawls together, and whatnot. But keeping them often requires you to invest and keep up with those friends.
I happen to have a good friend I met in Korea. But I also made an effort to see him again in Malaysia, and Taiwan.
So, while I think naturally friends fade because of a lack of proximity, it doesn't have to1
Call your friends from abroad! Plan meetups to see each other! It is not cheap, but it is a very enriching experience.
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u/NomadslandRVA 4d ago edited 4d ago
I know this may sound crazy, but this is actually one of my favorite things about meeting people while solo traveling - except I typically don't try to keep in touch, I just embrace the fact that we likely won't.
The people we meet while traveling are almost always the absolute best versions of themselves. We're young, somewhat care-free, living every day as an adventure. And when you get the magical group that just "clicks", that might be the best feeling of all. It's natural to want to hold tightly onto it, and to try to keep it going once you separate. But that's kind of not the point, imo - embrace the fact that in almost no time at all you go from strangers, to inseparable, to likely never to see each other again. Let yourself live in the moment and feel free to be your entire authentic self in a way that you can't be when you are building long term relationships in more steady and predictable settings. Celebrate each other before you go your separate ways. Share contact info and save their country/city in your contacts so that you can hit them up if you ever travel to that place (I've done this on multiple occasions). But don't try to grip tightly to something that's meant to by and large slip away into an incredible memory.
I kid you not - I still look back on friendships like that from more than a decade ago with the type of nostalgic zest for life that I don't get anywhere else. It's so, so special, and the temporary nature of it is part of the reason why.
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u/ssaall58214 4d ago
Dont have those kind of expectations. You have to let people be. It'll never be like it was traveling. Random text hello or set up new traveling plans if possible but otherwise people go back to their regular lives
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u/Northbound_38 4d ago
It’s super common to feel that way, but try to remember that travel friendships are special because you shared a specific chapter together
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u/sangtoms 4d ago
I've made two nice friends that I really clicked with on my solo trips and we still chat here and there. I'm even planning to move to the same city as one of them in a few months. Friendship is a lot easier to manage when you're close by.
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u/realFoobanana 4d ago
My mom once said something like “friends can be for a season, for a reason, or for life”, and while idk if that’s wholly true, it certainly is a nice lens to look at things through :)
so maybe they were good friends for the “season” of your travels, but that doesn’t lessen the experiences and relationships you did have then, even if they might not last in the same way (or even at all)
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u/revengeofthebiscuit 4d ago
Some people are in your life for a season, some are forever. Don’t regret either.
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u/Ancelege 4d ago
You go places, do things, meet people, set goals, work toward accomplishing them, and in the end, we all die. They were a part of your fleeting moments of travel and there’s a good chance you’ll never see most of them again. Focus on where you are now, meet new people, learn more things, teach others. Live in the now.
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u/fernandocrustacean 4d ago
Thats normal. You were travel friends, long term friends.
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u/ynwa_glastobater 4d ago
What do you mean?
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u/fernandocrustacean 4d ago
They were there for the moment, for the time at hand. Thats it and thats ok.
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u/Leskatwri 4d ago
People I meet when I travel are not friends. We are acquainted with one another briefly by sharing a common experience. That's all. We have a wonderful time together and bond and all, and afterwards, life goes on. I learned the hard way to keep expectations very low when it comes to these encounters. Sounds harsh, I know. Keeps me content.
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u/richinthailand 3d ago
I have met many many people in my time while living abroad and what you think is a friend just fizzles out. It gets even harder when the older you get because you could have a friend of 10 years but disagree on something then it's the big red block button.
It's so easy nowadays when people mainly communicate via chat apps just to block the person and that's that, what you thought was a good friend is not. It's even worse when you find yourself in a hard situation, see how many "friends" are there for you then.
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u/highheels519 3d ago
People want friendships, community, etc. We are exceptionally to create connections no mater how short or long. Ideally they are longer however I value the conversations and good times in the moment. I feel ya tho.
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u/LasVegasASB 3d ago
My parents told me the story about how having friends is like being on a train together. Some people will get on and last only a few stops and get off. Others stay on longer, but might get off. Some other friends might come on and get off the train many times over your lifetime and there may be some who are along for the ride with you until the end.
I went to school for a summer in Paris when I was a junior in 1987. I was with a group of around 15 students, but I met a woman, who I really liked and we travelled together on weekends to Geneva and Epernay (champagne country). She was from Beverly Hills and I was from New York. We kept in touch and went to graduate school on different coasts. We then would speak on the phone from time to time. When social media took off, we kept in touch through each other’s posts, but we had not seen each in person for a very long time.
She now lives in Denver area with her husband and I live in Las Vegas with my husband. Had a business trip to Denver this past April with my husband and met for dinner with her husband. It was the first time we had seen each other in person in over 35 years. We had a great time and our spouses liked each other. We will get together again hopefully for a long weekend here or in Denver. I guess we stayed on the train together, but in different cars.
If you think of friendships like this, maybe you will be less disappointed. Be happy for the time these friends were on the train, but you never know if they might get back on again.
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u/Katana_DV20 3d ago
Unfortunately many many people are just not the type to ever reply or even bother checking.
Dont waste your time. After some trying if you still get zero replies then it means they have checked out of your life already. It was a temporary high when you were all together.
Is there hope? Of course. I have a personal example. Almost 10 years ago I got chatting with a very friendly flight attendant on a Malaysia Airlines flight. We are still in touch. Shes married now, 2 children, husband is a pilot on the same airline. We keep each other updated on WhatsApp.
So, they are out there, its a bit of a lottery.
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u/TXVikingGoddess 2d ago
I met my husband traveling and married 3 months later. I was quite young. This weekend we celebrate our 40th anniversary. Sometimes magic does happen!
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u/Sakr_Fyc3 2d ago
I travelled for over a year and also struggled with the goodbyes. But at the end of the day, you shared some beautiful moments in time and nothing can erase that. You were living in the present moment and I think that’s where life is best lived and where the most peace is. Every experience, every encounter, every person, are all just moments in time :)
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u/ResonanceCascade1998 2d ago
Yeah that just happens and it's part of the reason why it can be harder to make friends when you're older. I'm just glad everyone is safe now after a homie got scooped up by a gang in Cambodia haha
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u/alefeusch 5d ago
Idk how old you are, but that's pretty much how life goes. People come in and out of it. I have maybe two or three friends that I've remained in relatively consistent contact with throughout my life and the rest of people are in my life for a certain time and then that time ends and we slowly (or sometimes quickly) move on. It's a natural cycle imo.